Have you heard of the phrase “Empty vessels make the most noise”?
It’s a proverb that means that those with the least knowledge, wisdom, and ability are often the ones who talk the most and the loudest. They do whatever it takes to make their presence felt the most — hence making the most noise.
Why Do Empty Vessels Make the Most Noise?
Empty vessels are used in the analogy because in physics, empty containers create louder noises than filled ones.
If you take two empty glasses, fill one up with water, and then blow into both glasses, you’ll find that the empty glass creates a louder noise than the filled one. That’s because the air column in the empty glass allows sound waves to pass through and bounce off the sides of the glass, creating an amplified vibration.
In physics, empty vessels make the most noise. Apparently, this is the case in real life too. (Image)
I find this proverb very true in real life. Oftentimes, people with the loudest and most negative responses may not know more than others. They are loud only because there is an emptiness in them echoing these noises, such as
- an emptiness in their mind (lack of knowledge, education),
- an emptiness in their heart (unhappiness),
- an emptiness in their life (lack of direction), and
- an emptiness in their self-worth (lack of confidence),
hence creating the loud noises we hear.
Noisy Comments
On my blog, I often receive critical comments.
The loudest comments (as in the abrasive comments, not the longest) usually don’t have a point to add. Rather, they convey the commenters’ unhappiness and I am simply their dartboard at the moment.
Consider these comments that I received before:
1) Comment to Do You Dread Growing Older?, an article I wrote in 2009 (I was 25 then) about growing older and why there’s no need to dread it:
2) Comment to Why I Used to Be Afraid of Intimidating Men, my article about how I used to diminish my personality around men but later realized that I should own my true self instead:
3) Comment to 10,000 Hours To Develop Talent, my article on the importance of investing time to develop your skills. I shared my personal example and other examples of this principle at work:
4) Lastly, comment to Top 10 Reasons You Should Stop Watching TV, my article on the negative effects of watching TV:
(And more that I shared before here, here, and here.)
Noisy Workshop Participants
Then there are my workshops where I get “noisy” participants from time to time.
By “noisy,” I don’t mean outspoken participants (I love them). I’m referring to people who keep interjecting for no good reason, hence disrupting the session for the other participants.
One time I had a hostile attendee (let’s call him X) at a public talk. For some reason, he kept interjecting while I was talking and making negative remarks.
One example was when another attendee asked me if I read books for inspiration. I said that I rarely read books but get my inspiration from around me (including reading websites and talking to people), after which X curtly interjected with, “And yet you sell books,” suggesting there was some form of contradiction (there isn’t). To begin with, I don’t sell books per se and I never said that I was an author at the talk. For him to interject with such a presumptuous comment was odd.
When I tried to speak to him after the talk, I got more of the same treatment. He was a very tense, angry man and kept giving curt and judgmental responses. His wife in comparison was much nicer and even corrected him when he made another presumptuous remark when talking to me. I simply let him be and moved on to other attendees.
Noisy Agents in Personal Life
Then there are acquaintances and on rare occasions, friends who turn out to be negative noise agents.
- I was once backstabbed by a “friend” which I wrote about here.
- I once met a businessman who was very arrogant and kept making judgmental remarks about me and the other people he worked with.
- I have also received my fair share of negative remarks from naysayers, critical people, and energy vampires.
Feeling Sad
When I had such encounters in the past, I would mull over them. I’d feel responsible for the person’s negativity (even though I didn’t cause it), and that I should address it.
(Image)
Why did he/she act that way? Is there something wrong about me that made him/her do that? What could I have done to prevent this? I would think.
My default thinking was, They are right, I am wrong, and It’s all my fault. And “It’s all my fault” was a burden that I kept carrying in me.
A Recent Incident
So the same thing happened lately when I encountered a workshop troll.
This troll kept making negative offhand remarks during class even though I had provided him with all the steps to break out of his problem.
As it was a course series with multiple sessions, I would mull over his comments after each class, create a plan to address his issues, and then execute the plan in the next session.
While a standard class design takes me a few days, each class in this series took me a week as I thought about all the negative comments this person would say during class and identified solutions to address them.
(Image)
Now it would be great if my efforts made a difference.
Except that they didn’t. In fact, they didn’t make any difference at all. This participant behaved in the exact same way right up to the last class, with his quibbles and disengaged attitude toward changing his life.
Despite spending all my time catering the class content to him and giving him personalized help, he didn’t act on it but continued his negativity.
This made me realize something.
Realization
My first realization was that this guy didn’t act on my help because it wasn’t the point of his grumbles.
Rather, he made those negative remarks because of his own issues.
It didn’t matter how I conducted the course because he didn’t take the course to resolve his issues – he took it to delay working on them. While all the other participants made positive progress in each class, he would complain about something.
Yet I spent a lot of effort making sense of his comments. I did so because he was louder than the other folks.
He was louder in terms of
- his negative attitude,
- his disruptive comments, and
- how often he made such comments.
He stood out like a sore thumb from other participants who were eager to learn. Because he was loud, he got my attention, and hence my time and energy.
This led to my second realization: Just because someone is loud doesn’t mean that they deserve your attention.
It doesn’t mean their words have more value than others. Just because someone is loud… it doesn’t mean anything at all. In short,
- Loud doesn’t mean something is important or more important than others.
- Loud doesn’t mean something deserves more attention than other things.
As the saying goes, empty vessels make the most noise.
And empty vessels shouldn’t get our attention just because they are noisy.
What This Means for Us
Many of us tend to focus on critical, rude, and angry people because they are louder than others. If something is loud it gets heard, and what gets heard gets our attention and time.
In my post Are You Focusing On the Black Dot?, I shared that when there’s a black dot on a piece of white paper, our attention goes to the black dot.
Because it contrasts with the otherwise white and perfect surface.
When shown a paper with a black dot, most of us will zoom down to the black dot (Image: Personal Excellence)
But just because someone is loud doesn’t mean they deserve our attention more.
If anything, their comments and actions may have the least value because their loudness may stem from an emptiness within. An emptiness in their mind, heart, life, or sense of self-worth. An emptiness that has nothing to do with you or me.
Because “empty vessels make the most noise.”
So how can you deal with empty vessels? I have 7 important tips:
Realize that loud doesn’t mean more important. Sometimes, loud indicates emptiness and non-importance as opposed to importance and value. In which case it should deserve less or even none of your attention!
Differentiate between good advice and destructive noise. There are often people who try to tell you who to be and what to do. Not all advice is good or right for you though. Some may be noise.
When listening to advice, determine if it (a) resonates with you, (b) aligns with your values, and (c) helps you achieve your higher goals. If the advice is “no” on all three counts, then it’s probably noise — discard it.
As opposed to listening to the loudest people because they are loud, shift your attention to the right people. These are the people who know what they’re doing, whose words matter, and whose knowledge you seek.
Realize that the “right” people can be quiet. Just as loud people can be negative and a waste of your time, the “right” people can be quiet members in your life. Quiet in the sense that they don’t shout for your attention but instead quietly support you. I call them the harpists.
Harpists play melodious music in the background — music that is so serene that you don’t know it’s there. They quietly express their power, which is why they don’t stick out like a sore thumb but blend into the background.
Who are the harpists in your life? Identify them. Be conscious of their presence and focus your attention on them.
Use the 99:1 ratio with loud people. If there are loud people in your life and their words have little value, use what I call the 99:1 ratio.
Instead of giving the loud people your highest attention (which is our default reaction), deliberately give them only 1% of your consciousness, such that they become no more than a little squeak.
Then, give the quiet harpists 99% of your attention.
Example: If you receive one ugly criticism from an unreasonable co-worker, focus 99% of your energy on the compliments that your co-workers and friends give you, and only 1% on that ugly criticism.
If you harp on that one negative criticism, it’s because you’re allocating 99% of your energy to the critique and only 1% to the positive stuff — reverse this allocation. This 1% energy should be used to derive positive lessons from the critique, for self-improvement purposes.
In the end, you should listen to the positive melodies in your life 99% of the time, and only allocate 1% of your energy to loud noises (for learning purposes).
Use the harpists’ melodies to spur you forward. While we can develop ourselves using negative criticism, I find that personal growth rooted in positivity is more powerful and self-fueling. That’s because when we change ourselves based on criticism, we’re forever correcting “issues.”
But when we build ourselves using positive feedback, we tap into our inner power and grow into our highest self — what I shared in my Stop Shaming, Start Praising post.
So, focus on encouragement and positive feedback using the 99:1 ratio. It will take you a long way forward.
Be empathetic to empty vessels. As for the loud people (the empty vessels), remember that their loudness stems from a place of emptiness. As the quote from Peaceful Warrior goes, “The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.”
Be empathetic. Render help where you can. At the same time, know that you are not responsible for their emptiness, and don’t let their emptiness take over your life.
How to deal with negative and unsupportive people:
- How To Tackle Naysayers
- 8 Tips To Deal With Critical People
- 5 Tips To Deal With Negative Criticism [Video]
- How To Deal With Rude People (series)
- How To Deal With Unsupportive Friends and Family
Read as well: Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People
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Thanks for your article Celes! :)
By nature we tend to pay attention to those who shout the loudest, thinking that a loud message is the most urgent and most critical. It certainly takes wisdom to interpret a message by its content not by its volume.
This reminds me of the boy who cried wolf. Eventually no one listens to him who matter how loud he tries to shout. And wow, those ‘loud’ comments sound really intense!
That’s interesting that you mentioned about the boy who cried wolf, because there are indeed similarities in the lessons. I like featuring fables every once in a while, so I’m going to make a note to possibly feature this next time. Thank you so much for your insightful comment Ken!
You posted this article at the exact moment I needed it. Thank you!
I’m glad you found this useful, Chestnut! :)
Hey Mam, I’m a guest reader of your site for a long time and most of your articles I read on my email itself.
Today I thought, I will visit and write this comment.
First, I’m sorry to hear that you get those loud comments that you absolutely don’t deserve.
Second, you have the balls of doing something that many of us cant do and most importantly the way your articles help others is job very well done.
You are doing a great work and I just thought this time you deserve to hear it from a fan of yours who lives across the globe and praises about your work to everyone who needs it in their way.
Keep doing what you are doing and we are here to support you in all ways.
Kudos!
Hi Bala, thanks so much for your kind words! Reading your comment, I instantly thought of you as a harpist (the counter group to loud vessels) serenading melodies in my life. Thank you for reading PE and sharing it with others who need it; your comment brought a big smile to my face today! :)
This is a profoundly wise saying: ” It’s usually because there’s an emptiness in them echoing these noises — be it an emptiness in their heart, an emptiness in their life, an emptiness in their mind, or an emptiness in their self-worth — in turn creating the loud noises that we hear.”
Hi Vicki, I’m glad that line resonated with you! :) The proverb is often used to refer to emptiness in one’s intellect, but I feel that emptiness doesn’t necessarily have to do with intellect — it can be emptiness in one’s heart or life too — and hence that statement.
Celes, good morning, I just read your article, very nice and enlightening, I did come across with empty vessels in my office, family and I found people with less knowledge, and with inferiority complex speak to much. Thanks I.Victor
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave such a kind comment, Victor!! :D
Celes, you are a rockstar. This post may be the greatest article on PE, for me at least; I love the part where you mention that we do not have to listen to the loud ones, but rather to the “harpists”. I think it can also mean in terms of certain negative or positive situations in life too. It IS hard to focus on the other parts of a page except the back dot in the middle. Thank you!
Hi Monisha, thank you for your kind words! It may be hard at first, but take the first step by consciously recognize the white area. Then, start focusing on that. Believe it or not, in time to come, you’ll start to find it HARD to focus on the black/negative areas because they are simply NOT of your interest anymore! :)
Thank you so much, yes I am trying. Right now I just believe almost any negative comment, from others or from my own mind. I just agree so fast, I don’t even take the time to think. It happens in a lightning speed. I can’t even notice it happens until after it does. But yes, by being conscious, it will certainly help. Not overnight though, from something I have been doing my whole life. But with time. So thank you *hug* :D
I read this post the other day, but thought I’d come back and comment. =) At first I thought “empty vessels” would be referring to the tasks we give most of our attention to that don’t align with our larger goals, but this was very enlightening! (And really, I suppose a lot of this stuff could refer to such tasks, even if that wasn’t your intent!)
This especially hit home for me because with my family growing up, getting loud (literally) was often a way to get your point across when you felt the other person wasn’t listening/you were very angry. Even now, my family still acts this way, though I personally now hate anything too loud because I just don’t find it necessary to getting your point across (and, as often is the case, doesn’t make your point “better” or “right”).
Next week, I’m home for Thanksgiving and have to deal with loud people in both the literal sense and in the sense you mentioned here. I will do my best to apply these tips (as well as the tips from your other articles about dealing with negative/difficult people!). Thanks for a great post, as always!
Hi Calae, that is so interesting about your example with your family. While this isn’t the case with my family (with my family the story was more with anger), I think it’s the default script of the society actually–that to get our point across, we need to be loud/louder. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving by the way! :)
“Loud doesn’t mean important or more important.
Loud doesn’t mean valuable or more valuable.
And loud doesn’t mean any more deserving of attention (than others).”
Wow, this is so true. I dont know why I never thought about it like that. I guess of my belief that the meaning of loud is right the opposite of that (loud means it is important or more important, valuable or more valuable, more deserving of attention (than others)). I never doubted that belief cause it really is my default reaction to give my full attention to loud people.
As you said, no matter how hard you try, troll in your workshop would still be loud anyway. Its more important to be empathetic with such people than giving them more attention. With more attention they only get confirmation of their behavior. With no or less attention they will maybe gradually have to look into themselves – into the emptiness.
Hi Miss Elf, and believe it or not, most people’s reactions (including mine) are exactly as what you described as yours — that loud means important / more important. Mine included. That’s why I wanted to write this post to dispel this myth! Hopefully everyone got the message from reading this article and that it’ll help them to focus on the truly important (and positive) messages in their life. :)
People are always so interesting, including the loud ones. And, I agree that it’s usually those that make the most noise are doing so because of something within them that is out of alignment with Life. You make a good point not to take it personally and to remember that it is ‘there’ issue, not yours. Great post!
Thank you Sandy! :)
Celeste Im very new to your blog and this site forr that matter .But i’m intriqued that you CARE when so many don’t give a damn .Where many shy away or collectively ggather their own fears and make excuses why their lives are’t on track and point and hiss and piss and moan at others who GET IT and LIVE IT and walk the TALK. What you do is CHALLENGE and the people who know you’re right don’t want to acknowledge this. And for them it is a struggle and a FIGHT tooth and nail until something gives weather it’s health, job loss , something to make them look deeper for what there true purpose is here on earth Im blessed today to catch this blog and hope I can gleen more knowledge as I see myself not a student of University education but one of LIFE;s education if I’m ready to accept the challenges .Thanks again .. Keep doing what you do the small % off people who don’t get it and never will get it never had it to begin with. !!!1 Paying it forward always brings it’s own rewards in LIFE …
Hi bru, I’m so happy to know that this post caught your interest. All of us are on our individual paths in life and it is my wish that my articles will help everyone, even if in a little way, in our glorious journeys. For sure, just writing these material and being in a position to effect some change, even if little, is monumental to me. If you haven’t signed up yet, do get the free newsletter where you’ll get two free e-books plus lifetime access to PE’s articles (free).
I think this post is something I can relate to, especially in Facebook. I used to hate Facebook because I had so much people in it that I admit I hated or that viceversa, they hated me! I used to have people who wanted to see me at my worst and who would usually post rude statuses which I would automatically jump to the conclusion had to do with me even if it 99% didn’t!
I remember I had gone to the point in which I had become AFRAID to enter Facebook and post anything (even if this was positive as 99% of what I post is about positive results in my life once or twice in the month) and I had become afraid to see what they were thinking because their comments were usually the type that were directed at others to make them feel bad or prideful, maybe even offensive and this made me feel bad about myself. It made me feel like I’m a bad person, directed at me or not and well one day I realized that Facebook is for FRIENDS, why do I need people that are mean or nonexistent to me in the real, offline, life in my Facebook as a ‘friend’ and so I deleted and blocked all of them and although a bit worried at first because they resented me over it for a week or two, I have in the long run become a happier person and only kept my ‘harpies’ on Facebook.
I also add that I’ve been able to get rid of the hatred I had thanks to getting rid of their Facebooks! It’s weird but some people aren’t meant to have on Facebook, they aren’t discreet enough and undeserving of my attention!
Thank you so much for this post. I hadn’t commented in a while and like others here also felt like sharing something. :) Maybe the reason this people were so loud in Facebook is because of the reasons you stated here and now I know that my decision on blocking them was good after all. I really don’t need ‘loud’ people in my Facebook.
I find your article very true. There will always be people that will criticize us regardless of how good our intentions are. Whenever I encounter such, I just think of this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – For you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t”
Just stay away from negative people and focus on those who are very much worthy of your time and attention.
Kind regards,
Kwing
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