Affirmation Challenge Day 10 [Love]: “I’m attracting my soulmate.” / “I’m in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect.”

This is Day 10 of the 15-Day Affirmation Challenge where hundreds of participants around the world gather to practice positive affirmations for 15 days in July 2014. The challenge is now over, but you can still do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all Affirmation Challenge tasks and posts.

Affirmation Challenge

Note from Celes: Heartfelt condolences to the family and loved ones of the MH17 crash, which was shot down today (Friday) by a surface-to-air missile. On board the flight were as many as 100 delegates – AIDS researchers, health workers and activists — heading to Australia for a global AIDS conference. Read more.

Dear everyone, welcome to Day 10 of our 15-Day Affirmation Challenge! :D

Here is the overview of all the posts for the challenge so far:

Now, let’s move to today’s task, which is on…

Day 10: [Love]

 There are two affirmations for today — one for singles, and one for those already in a relationship. :D

For singles:

Affirmation Challenge, Day 10 [Love]: "From this moment on, I'm attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we'll meet and be forever bound in love and light."

“From this moment on, I’m attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we’ll meet and be forever bound in love and light.”

For those in a relationship:

Affirmation Challenge, Day 10 [Love]: "I'm in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect."

“I’m in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect.”

Love — something that so many people are seeking in today’s world. I once heard this saying that there are two things that people are most desperate for today – one is love, the other is money. When I heard that, I thought, How true is that? From online dating websites, to dating agencies, to date coaching services, to pick-up artistry i.e., the darker side of the dating world where guys strategize how to pick up and seduce women, to most recently dating apps, dating — or rather, love — is a constant topic of interest for many.

Even after one successfully gets into a relationship, the quest to find/receive love never truly ends. Firstly, as most couples can relate, there’s always the occasional dispute about wishing the other party would spend more time with him/her. For some, this can be turn into a serious conflict, sometimes to the point of breaking up. Then, you have people who dispute with their partners over things like “Why haven’t you cleaned the house like you promised?”, “You forgot about our anniversary; why?” and “I wish you would stop siding with your mom/dad/friend for once and support me.” While these may seem like petty conflicts, underlying them is a tiny request to be honored, loved, and respected, because to these people, these “petty” issues reflect a lack of love from their partners.

There’s a big reason why we’re constantly seeking love. Firstly, the media and society often suggest that we need to be in a relationship to be complete. To be honest, this isn’t anyone’s fault, but simply a reflection of the modern society’s consciousness. Secondly, we’ve never taught (at least not in school) to recognize the love that’s within us. To be loved, I need to get it from someone – or something, is what most of us subconsciously believe.

However, love is everywhere, like I’ve mentioned in 10 Steps to Attract Authentic Love into Your Life. Most importantly, love — all the love that we seek — is already here, within us. We do not need love and we do not need to be loved to feel love — we can feel love by recognizing that we are, in fact, beings of love and light. In order to find love and to create the most loving relationship, we have to first recognize this.

Early on in Week 1, Day 2, of the challenge, I invited you to practice the affirmation, “I love myself unconditionally.” Then Day 6, your task was to recognize that you are worthy of love, success, and happiness. The reason why I set these two tasks in Week 1, before today’s task, is because you need to (1) love yourself, (2) recognize that the love you seek is already IN you, and (3) know that you are worthy of love before you can consciously receive and appreciate any love that others give you. 

Today’s task comes in two parts. For those of you who are single, your task is to attract the right kind of love into your life. For those of you in a relationship, your task is to enhance what you already share with your partner. Let’s get started! :D

Your Task Today

  1. Imagine your ideal romantic relationship. Remember yesterday’s task, where I asked you to identify your ideal relationship? Well, the first step today is to imagine your ideal ROMANTIC relationship. :D
    • For singles: What’s your dream relationship like? How would you describe it? For example, perhaps your ideal relationship is one where you can be your natural self, without changing your mannerisms just to make the other person feel comfortable. Perhaps your ideal relationship is one where you can share your grandest life goals (without hiding them) and pursue them with your partner. And so on. Write as much as you want!
    • For those in a relationship: Identify your ideal relationship with your partner. It doesn’t matter whether these qualities are currently present in your relationship — simply write them down.

      For example, maybe your ideal relationship is one where your partner is constantly there to listen to you — and he/she is already doing it. Awesome, write this down! Perhaps your ideal relationship is one where your partner doesn’t nitpick about things so often — however, this isn’t the case right now. That’s okay; write it down too! Or perhaps your ideal relationship is one where your partner is highly organized and efficient – but this isn’t so right now. Sure, write it down too.

  2. Identify simple steps you can make to this relationship happen.
    • For singles: Read 10 Steps to Attract Authentic Love into Your Life (you can just scan through the 10 steps first). Based on the article, which steps do you think apply most to you right now? What are the next steps you can take to attract this relationship into your life?
    • For those in a relationship: Reflect on your current relationship against your ideal relationship from Step #1. What are the areas where they match up? Any areas where they don’t match up?

      If your relationship 100% matches up with your ideal, congratulations!! However, if it doesn’t, allow me to say that not only is this perfectly normal, it’s also great because you have just unveiled a gap area which might well mutate into a huge conflict have you not caught it today! Just like we can have gaps between our current selves and ideal selves, it’s normal for our relationship to have some gaps vs. our ideal relationship. So, this is actually a great thing! 

      So the question now to you is, what can you do to close this gap? (Clue: the solution usually lies in changing yourself, be it your actions or your beliefs, and not your partner. Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program‘s Day 22 on Mirror an Annoyance explains more about such a phenomenon.) For example:

      • Say you wish your partner is more organized. Perhaps it reflects your desire to be more organized yourself, and the next step is to be more organized, including having a structured time table, decluttering your workspace and your computer, and setting clear personal goals.
      • Say you wish your partner doesn’t nitpick so often. Perhaps it’s because he/she can be quite self-critical, and that causes him/her to be critical about others too. What you can do here is to shower him/her with love, praise him/her more often, and basically show him/her the path of emotional generosity so he/she can see a better path.
  3. Take action! Take action on the steps you have identified in Step #2! Include deadlines where applicable, and get working on them — starting today if possible!
  4. Say today’s affirmation. Close your eyes. Visualize yourself in the exact relationship you just painted in Step #1. Both of you are holding each other’s hands and strolling down the beach together, talking, smiling, and laughing. After some time, you stop to hug him/her, and he/she gladly returns your hug. At this moment, both of you are locked in a tight, passionate embrace. Feel the love, excitement, and happiness arising in your heart as all this is happening.

    Now when you are ready, say the affirmation:

    • (For singles):

      “From this moment on, I’m attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we’ll meet and be forever bound in love and light.”

    • (For those in a relationship):

      “I’m in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect.”

      (If you think it’s silly to say this out loud, you can say it silently in your heart.)

I encourage you to write down today’s affirmation so that you can always see it and commit it to your heart. Repeat it every day to yourself, for as many times and as long as needed, until it becomes part of your default thinking.

Affirmation Wallpaper: [Love]

Today’s affirmation wallpaper comes in two versions: one for singles, and another for those of us already in a relationship. :)

For singles:

Affirmation Challenge, Day 10 [Love]: "From this moment on, I'm attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we'll meet and be forever bound in love and light."

Download (right click and save): [1920×1080] | [1600×900] | [1366×768]

For those in a relationship:

Affirmation Challenge, Day 10 [Love]: "I'm in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect."

Download (right click and save): [1920×1080] | [1600×900] | [1366×768]

Further Reading

For singles

For those in a relationship

Share Your Results!

Share your results, check out other participants’ responses, and interact with each other in the comments section! Remember, this challenge is a community effort: by openly engaging in the discussion, not only will you help others, you’ll also help yourself.

If you think today’s affirmation has benefited you, do share it with your friends and family via Facebook, Twitter, G+, or e-mail.

Once you’re done, proceed to Day 11 here: Affirmation Challenge, Day 11 [Career]

Images: FlowerSilhouette of a couple

  • Calae

    Hey Celes, just wanted to point out you currently have the same wallpaper to download for both singles and those in a relationship! Can’t wait to do this affirmation later, I really like the idea of seeing where the gaps between our ideal and our actual relationships lie and seeing what we can do to close the gap. =)

    • Celestine Chua

      Hi Calae, you tell me! :D I’ve fixed it — thanks for letting me know! (I was beginning to wonder if it was worth the time and effort to make the wallpapers, as it seems that people are here for the tasks rather than the wallpaper.)

      • Calae

        No problem, Celes! I honestly like the wallpapers, although I don’t use them as such. I love the imagery that goes with them (I’m very visual), and I collect my favorites in my Evernote account to look at later. =) I’m not sure if that’s what you were hoping for, but I’m personally a lover of awesome phrases/quotes written in a nice font on top of beautiful pictures. xD It helps everything come together for me!

        • Celestine Chua

          That’s awesome Calae! :D You’d probably have a field day at Personal Excellence Quotes! There are over 700 quote images now I believe. I suspect that it’s a less explored segment of PE though since I don’t merge the quotes feed together with the blog feed.

          • Calae

            I do love the quotes! There’s a lot of great ones in there when you’re willing to browse. =p

      • VickiB

        The wallpaper adds a lot to the site! Even though I’m here for the tasks, it is pleasant to have those pictures to look at while I think about and react to the information and the assignments. It makes a nice contemplative break. Please do keep sharing the pictures and quotes.

        • Celestine Chua

          Hi Vicki, thanks a lot for the affirmation (no pun intended, haha)! I’ll definitely continue to do them for the rest of the challenge (plus PE quotes!). You are welcome to use them as wallpapers on your computer by the way, or simply save them for meditative viewing at a later time.

  • Santas Inspirations

    “However good or bad you feel about your relationship,
    The person you are with at this moment is the “right” person,
    Because he or she is the mirror of who you are inside.”

    This is most difficult and probably most revealing challenge in my 15 days journey… and therefore the one I most definitely need to put my whole self into.

    (to be continued…)

    • Santas Inspirations

      I got married when I was 23 years old. It’s been two and a half years now. Me and my husband we come from two different continents, therefor our cultures, lifestyles and believes on many subjects differ. All these difference have been both like a curse and a
      blessing in disguise. I won’t speak about this here, because it’s a huge subject to cover.

      I believe me and my husband we are right for each other, but I think we were not ready for the marriage yet. Both of us we had our emotional baggages about ourselves and about our past relationships that didn’t play out in our favor. I had negative experience with my ex’es parents and my husband had negative experience with his ex’es cheating on him; and we tried to build our family with those bricks. I am having hard time getting close to his family (also because of them living far away and not speaking a common language), which is really important for him; and he has a hard time to open up his heart for me. As a result we both don’t feel truly loved in this relationship. We used to speak about it and we are aware about each others issues, but this doesn’t dissolve it.

      In our relationship, we have done a lot for each other, sacrificed a lot for being together, therefor I have no doubt that out love is genuine. We do try for each other and we support each other. Basically we have a little from everything I have ever dreamed about. But I could never say I have been really happy in this relationship and I never understood why. I had a habit of sitting back and say it will all work out itself. But it never did. I used to think about divorce. I thought my marriage is nothing similar of what it is supposed to be. There is no romance, no excitement, my husband doesn’t love me or touch me enough, we don’t spend enough time together. I would get attention, compliments and appreciation from anyone else but him. I grow up believing that man is leading the woman, man is conquering the woman, etc and woman is responding to his impulses… my man didn’t have any impulse for me. I felt like I am not a woman in his eyes.

      • Santas Inspirations

        I had a many false believes about the marriage. Mainly I guess from the movies that suggest that there is this one person that is “created” for us, and ready to meet our every expectation, and that they would love us unconditionally no matter what and in each situation and that romance is forever and that we would live happily ever after… While this might sound really beautiful is not realistic. However it is in our power to stay “happily married”, if we invested in our relationships on daily base for the rest of our lives.

        I love how Matthew Hussey speaks about marriage: “Don’t think that because you are getting married your work is done. Essentially the journey begins here. This is a whole new era. Being married isn’t a guarantee of a great relationship or staying together. What will allow you to create a great relationship is the effort you put in by this point on and don’t think you can stop learning! ”

        What a great perspective and advice! Unfortunately nowadays there are little or no guidance for married people. On a contrary, marriage becomes unpopular. People don’t believe in forever and settle only for as long as they are happy and don’t need to change themselves in order to receive what they want – love, respect, passion, appreciation, etc. We go into relationships with high expectations and standards but we don’t live up to those standards ourselves. And in probably worth of cases we rush into relationships and often stay in unhappy or abusive relationships because of too low standards and self-esteem. We are afraid to be lonely and that nobody else would love us.

        • Santas Inspirations

          It’s really hard for me to define what my ideal Romantic relationship would be like. I have been influenced by culture and media for too long time. I believe that our feelings towards that special someone and relationship skills that both have plays far more important role than their overall character, interests, believes etc And I am saying this while keeping in mind that integrity should definitely be the part of every individual who enters a relationship.

          My marriage almost perfectly match with traditional values and elements that I used to seek for in relationships such as honesty, truth, faithfulness, responsibility, respect, etc. However, I feel that I have grown a lot during my marriage ( in many cases direct or indirect thanks to my husband) and my values have grown with me.

          I guess my ideal relationship is two partners who:
          - have taken time to study each other and never stops doing so
          - have adjusted to each other mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually and spirituality,
          - can be completely “naked” in front of each other with no secrets, fears, judgement,
          - enrich each other and gives comfort to each other like no one else in the world could,
          - constantly grows onward, upward, and God- ward
          - …

          In this context, there is a huge gap between the “ideal” and current relationship model. I think to constantly have a small gap – that little space for self improvement romantically – is a very healthy practice for any relationship and we should always have something to thrive for.

          Somehow I feel that we stand in different points here. He doesn’t view these things same way. He is someone who loves stability, routine and everything “safe” and he rather stays in comfort than try something new or risky. And through we have love, respect and trust, I feel that this might not be enough and I do not really know what actions to take on my side to manifest the change that I want to see in my romantic relationships with my life partner.

          • VickiB

            Love, respect, and trust are a good foundation for marriage.

            Perhaps if you look at the characteristics you listed for your ideal relationship, you may see some things you can do. For instance, What does it mean that you study one another? How can you show that you have studied him? Are you studying him and can you show him that you are?

            Related to that, my husband doesn’t comment often on what he sees but he definitely notices things. I didn’t realize how much until one day when I got in the car, he asked “What’s wrong?” He knew something was wrong, he said, by the way I was breathing!

            • Santas Inspirations

              Thanks VickiB! :) Yes of course it’s a good foundation and essential for any relationship, without 3 of them no relationship can exist.

              I constantly study my husband. I often initiate conversations about his and our future plans and I know he loves it when I do. He loves to be certain about things and he loves to plan ahead. He is a bit hesitant on speaking about his dreams or goals, but I know he keeps his agenda. Time after time he shares some of them with me, and the rest he will share when he is ready. Sometimes I randomly ask him about different things about his childhood, family, country and culture. We discuss many subjects and it’s really exciting because there are two worlds coming together in us. I am naturaly curious and I love to keep learning and trying new things.

              My husband might study me, but not that I am aware of and I certainly haven’t noticed him showing some insight into the things he might have absorbed or even of things I have openly shared with him. One of greatest examples here is our religious believes.

              He is Christian and I am not religious. I don’t like to call myself Atheist because it would mean I don’t believe in any higher intelligence, which would be false. I am very spiritual and I love to explore different views on our existence, purpose and aspect of divine. I often ask my husband about his religion, we have read Bible together, we have prayed together, we have gone to Church together. I know these things are very important for him and it’s fundamentals on which his personality, values and purpose is built.

              I am more of the “new age” spiritual movement girl. I love philosophy, psychology, self-help materials, personal development etc. I firmly believe caretaking the soul is incredibly important for happiness. I have tried to introduce my husband with some of the ideas or believes that I am having but he is not interested to hear it out. I do not want to convert him from his religion to no religion, I just want him to understand how I see things and why and how some of them might be so useful for him without interfering his religious beliefs.

              When he rejects my ideas I feel like he indirectly rejects me, my need to exchange with him, my need for growth in every aspect of my life.

              • VickiB

                That sounds very hard.

                Some people who have specific religious beliefs don’t want to talk about other beliefs because it may challenge their own beliefs. That might not be the reason for your husband to respond that way but I know it is for some people.

                Perhaps if you continue to go to church, read the Bible, and pray with him, he will begin to see that you do not want to challenge his beliefs or change them, that you accept them and want to understand them.

                At the same time, could you try introducing some of your ideas that will be helpful to him in a way that doesn’t tie it to religious or spiritual beliefs?

                Also, please remember that building a marriage takes time. Even after several years of marriage, you will still be building your relationship, and you will always be adjusting to one another.

                • Santas Inspirations

                  Thanks VickiB! It’s hard indeed, but I am not giving up. You have shared really great advises and I will try them out.

                  I have got one small success in this area, which was listening audio book “The Cosmic Energizer: Miracle Power of the Universe” together with my husband that was originally written by Dr. Joseph Murphy. He used to be a priest and has written many spiritual and metaphysical books through Christian perspective.

  • VickiB

    I am in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect.

    Even though my relationship with my husband is not perfect, because he and I are human and therefore imperfect, we have that unconditional love, trust, and respect.

    Each day, each interaction, there are opportunities to express love, trust, respect. The more often one practices love, trust, and respect, the easier it is to continue.

    I have to avoid television programs, especially situation comedies, where men are routinely disrespected. This is easy since I don’t watch television.

    • VickiB

      About closing the gap between the idea and the actual. My ideal husband would be healthy and able to participate enthusiastically in things that he loves doing. I can’t *make* him healthy but I can help him maintain healthy habits, e.g. provide food that is appropriate and healthy, and encourage him to take care of himself.

      I can also continue try to build up our quality of life. Even though I only wrote about it a few days ago, it has been on my mind a lot since he became sick.

      When I talked with him about travel plans, he lit up and was really enthusiastic about it. About six weeks ago, he became interested in training for a race — he would participate in a wheelchair — and he was enthusiastic about that and it was not something that I tried to get him into. I can help by supporting whatever things do interest him. And by doing things that interest me and inviting him to share them.

      In our earlier years, we did a lot of interesting things, which we had to give up as we aged and he got sick. I miss all of that activity and so does he.

      This weekend his family is having a reunion and an organization that I support is having a fundraising dinner and I want to go to church and there is a festival in a small town nearby that he specifically mentioned. So there is the possibility of the two of us sharing some fun and interesting activities over the next couple of days.

      • VickiB

        I probably idealize him and our relationship somewhat. But not much! Of course, I see him with eyes of love.

      • Celestine Chua

        I can’t *make* him healthy but I can help him maintain healthy habits, e.g. provide food that is appropriate and healthy, and encourage him to take care of himself.

        VickiB, that’s a great mindset and action step! By doing this, it’ll make him feel healthy and help him to become healthier, even if he is sick right now.

        In our earlier years, we did a lot of interesting things, which we had to give up as we aged and he got sick. I miss all of that activity and so does he.

        Both of you enjoyed the activities because of certain elements that they possess, such as (I’m giving a random example as I’m not sure what activities they were) the opportunity to socialize with others, relax, exercise your mind, see the nature, keep fit and feel healthy, etc. If you can identify these elements and then identify new activities that both of you can do now and meet those elements, then it’d be just like back in the old days!

        You mentioned in your Day 7 response that both of you are joining the Senior Services Center activities, so you’re already making things happen (day 7′s affirmation)!

  • meribeth

    After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. email him now my child doctorogul@gmail.comand she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and that day he come back to me email him for help: DR

  • Educate Yourself

    I am starting to think I have soul mate. He is my best friend. But I don’t want it. We both hate to marry a cousin. He is not my imediate cousin but he is still a cousin. I don’t want to marry anyone that doesn’t reciprocate my feelings even if I love him. He cares about me but he doesn’t love me back.

    I am starting to think maybe he is Medhi, my soul mate. I hope not. I want to be with him more than I want to be with Medhi. I don’t know if it’s me doubting or I am just being rational. I don’t know.

    Everytime I hear women wish something in a man, “understanding, supportive, kind, …” he had them and more. How can I wish him away? My family think we are stupid saying we don’t want to marry each other because “we are cousins”. I am the only one who think he doesn’t like me. My family and his think he does. I don’t know what to believe. He pays attention to me more than he does with anyone. I think it’s because we are friends but i am starting to doubt that too. Two days ago a coworker asked if I had a boyfriend. I showed him to her. I am lying to myself too. I feel like I am cheating on him with me. We are friends but I feel like he is more. I can’t help it. I keep pushing guys away who are into me. I feel happy because I already have him. I feel like ending this but I don’t want to lose him.

    Maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe my best friend is really my soul mate in the friendship/family area not love. I am thinking this because I was surprised the first time when i read Celestine say we have a lot of soul mates. Before that, to me, “soul mate” is only my other half, the man i will end up with.

    I hope I have a soul mate. I don’t care anymore if he is a cousin or a friend. I want a soul mate, lovely speaking. (I will digest this and come back to it later to answer the questions.).

    “From this moment on, I’m attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we’ll meet and be forever bound in love and light.”

    • VickiB

      What a dilemma! This sounds very confusing. I hope you find resolution to this soon!

      • Educate Yourself


    • Samuel Lim

      Educate Yourself, I have totally no experience in relationships, so allow me to ask the really stupid question: Have you asked him about it?

      • Educate Yourself

        I asked him before now i am scared to ask again and be rejected.

    • Educate Yourself

      I couldn’t update it last time. No internet.. I will leave it like this.

  • Moonsparkle

    Imagine your ideal romantic relationship.

    I feel safe, comfortable and supported. I feel really loved. My boyfriend feels the same. We love to spend time together because we really enjoy each other’s company but we also know when to give the other person space. We both support and help the other one to become our best selves, while also giving each other room to grow. Being together inspires us to be the best people we can be. We feel so loved and connected. <3

    We're friends as well as lovers. We respect each other as people, respect our thoughts, hobbies/interests and opinions. We get on well with each other's family and friends. We always feel comfortable talking about our goals and dreams because we know we will be heard and supported. Every day we are so glad to be experiencing this wonderful, loving, connected relationship. :)

    “From this moment on, I’m attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we’ll meet and be forever bound in love and light.”

  • Madalina S

    My ideal romantic relationship would be with someone who loves me for who I am, so that I may be myself, without having to change just to “keep him interested.” My partner should be open-minded, patient, and kind towards others. Ideally, we would share the same interest for personal development. I highly appreciate a person who is funny and talkative, but who can also be serious (when the situation requires it) and carry a deep conversation. When I think of my ideal relationship, one of the first things which cross my mind is that it should be based on mutual respect and love, and that communication should be a big part of it (too often couples fight because of a lack of proper communication; a nice, honest talk is the best way to go, and not only in romantic relationships).

    As a matter of fact (and as you already know, Celes), I’ve already read the article about attracting authentic love and started taking action. :D I’m trying to detach my self-worth from my physical appearance and working on becoming my best self. Also, I’m focusing on being more open to going out to events (I’m just waiting for events where I would have the chance to meet the kind of people that I’d like to have in my life) so that I may meet new people.

    “From this moment on, I’m attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we’ll meet and be forever bound in love and light.”

    • Santas Inspirations

      “I’m trying to detach my self-worth from my physical appearance and working on becoming my best self.”

      Madalina, sweetheart, why would you do so??? Remember day 8? Always keep in mind day 8! ;) You shouldn’t detach from your “self image”, you should embrace it. You should recognize the outer beauty as well. Forget about your flaws… and fall in love with your appearance! You are 10/10, remember? If you don’t, go repeat the exercise of day 8 until you feel beautiful ;) Or do the baby steps. There are many “tricks” women use to feel beautiful and to bring out the best in them selves. Attraction is much more than a perfect face or body. It has a lot to do with your confidence, with the way you carry yourself, with the eye contact you make with people, with your charming smile and sparkles in your eyes!

      Start with one body part that you like about yourself. Eyes is always a good idea to start with. I have never met anybody with ugly eyes. You can use some make up to support your idea about being beautiful, but you must be completely aware that with or without it you are 10 / 10 !

      And truth to be told, if you only work on your inside and forget or neglect to work on HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT your outside, I don’t think it would make you feel as whole. You might create some kind of separation or divorce within your persona. The profile picture you use shows a beautiful young lady to me. And once you will feel beautiful, your outer beauty will start to bloom ;)

      • Madalina S

        Your comment is incredibly kind and sweet. Thank you, Santa, for taking the time to write it! I think that what I meant by “detach my self-worth from my physical appearance” could be understood in a negative way. What I’m trying to say is that I base my self-worth A LOT on my physical appearance at the moment, and I wish to change that. While I do work on loving myself for who I am — physically, mentally, spiritually –, I try to stop immediately associating my worth and overall beauty to the way my body looks.

        • Santas Inspirations

          In that case I had misunderstood your message. I got you now ;) Keep going, you are on the right direction :)

    • Vivian

      Lina, love your affirmation, he is on the way, just not arrive yet. Love yourself before he come to show his love to you:)

    • benjaminsamson

      Spot on! Agree with everything you said. :)

  • Alia

    - My top quality for a future mate is someone who shares my faith.

    - Effective communication is a must, especially in times of conflict. My past experience with a stone-waller has led me to realize the absolute necessity of being able to discuss and talk about the problems that comeup in a relationship. Communication includes both talking and listening. I’ve realized that much conflict and bad feelings come up because of miscommunication in the relationship – making assumptions, not saying how you feel or what you really think, not trying to
    understand the other person’s perspective, etc.

    - Respect. I think this is absolutely necessary in every relationship. I think perhaps people do not always understand the true meaning of what it means to respect someone. If respect is there, a lot of problems will be more easily solved. If you respect your partner, you listen when they speak, you validate their emotions even if you have different opinions, you strive to do or not do things that you know will hurt or upset them, etc. etc. Part of respect is pulling your weight in the relationship and this includes the mundane such as chores and errands.

    - I would love to be with someone who is patient, understanding, supportive and gentle. As a sensitive, emotional person, I need my partner to not be afraid of emotion – whether mine or his – and understand that it is part of who I am, the way I express myself and not something to be “fixed”.

    On reading the article referenced,I think the main thing for me right now is to begin developing my whole self, and reaching my fullest potential. Lately I’d had the feeling that it is time to make positive changes in my life (for my own sake) because I wasn’t living up to who I could be, and I was just tired of living the way I was. I think finding myself is the first step to finding that person. To be honest, I feel like I haven’t made much progress in my self development journey, however, and it’s been soul crushing to keep feeling like a failure. I feel stifled by my physical surroundings and in other ways and despite reading many articles on change and making positive changes, I still feel like I don’t really know how to make them happen. But I won’t give up hope, and will start to make plans for the things I want to achieve in the near and far future. I’m a believer that people come into your life when you’re ready, so I’m trying to make myself ready, but not (only) with the intention of love, but with my personal well being at the core of that intention.

    I wrote a bit more here: :)

    • Santas Inspirations

      Love is from divine. Relationships are created by people. That was the first idea that came to my mind while reading the intro part on your blog post. Relationships start to sound like one of greatest “rewards” in life, for those who have taken time to invest in themselves and do regular “soul care”.

      Great description of your perfect relationship! More or less the “portrait” sounds the same for all of us here. I guess it’s more of a female public here so it’s easy to relate one with another in terms of our expectations in a perfect boyfriend or husband. One point that I feel through life is that women in general has higher emotional intelligence and that for us naturally is much easier to be patient, understanding, emotional and insightful in relationships. And men tend to struggle more with these issues.

      I have read few John Gray Mars – Venus books, where he perfectly explains this. But somehow it always pop up a question in me. If biologically men and women are created completely different (here I mean mostly how our brains function), how would we ever get along and create long lasting and same time happy relationship? It’s like we need from each other exactly what other half would struggle to give us. Here is a quote from John Gray to sum up the message of his teachings :

      “When a man can listen to woman’s feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift. The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement that he needs.”

      It sounds like a game that can never be truly won, at least not with a mindset that 99% of world population have. And maybe this is it. Maybe human beings can only form their ideal relationship, when they have formed themselves first. And every other relationship is our playground, our relationship class, to break down what blocks us and build up what supports us in creating the loving relationships with unconditional love, trust and respect.

    • Vivian

      Alia, It’s amazing that I always can relate to what you said,fully agree that finding myself is the frist step to finding that person. No matter where we are today on our journey, we open a possibility for others to consider what kind of relationship we can offer. I also don’t know how to make it happen, I just did (practice what I learned, especially those A-ha moment), and it happens.

  • Samuel Lim

    1. Imagine your ideal romantic relationship.

    I imagine someone who supports me and challenges me to be the best I can, and whom I can do the same for; someone who I can talk openly with; someone who understands and is interested in the same things as I am; someone who shares the same values; someone who is courageous enough to stand on her own.

    2. Identify simple steps you can take to make this relationship happen.

    Actually I believe in this saying from Confucius:

    “To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right.”

    I will settle my own s*** first – I believe there are much more important things to do first such as becoming the kind of person that your ideal soulmate would want to be with.

    3. Take action!

    Yep, working on the steps from previous days’ challenges!

    4. Say the affirmation out loud.

    “From this moment on, I’m attracting my soulmate, and in time to come we’ll meet and be forever bound in love and light.”

    Seems like the ancient sages and traditions all have quite profound things to say! *strokes beard and nods solemnly*

    • Santas Inspirations

      Great quote Samuel! I also believe everything important in the life and world, starts with our hearts and personal relations and then grows upwards to the state and world ;)

      Challenge is exactly what I am lucking in my relationship. We do have a lot of “dares” in daily life due to different cultures and our aspirations to build our family life both being abroad and far away from our families. We have stuck in a stage where we are teammates, two against the world, associates in creating a stability and safe ground to bring children in this world. But we don’t have same aspirations to nurture the emotional, romantic, sensual side of our marriage and our overall spiritual journey through life.

      • Samuel Lim

        Santas, I read about your marriage in your comments below. Perhaps you could try this exercise: Write down a list of what you dislike about your husband, and then re-read it as if it applies to you. Then go to work on those qualities. From what I have read, it seems to work for some people.

        • Santas Inspirations

          Thanks Samuel for reply :)

          Only thing I can think of that I dislike in my husband and that sums up everything that I am not happy with is that he is not willing to try or learn new things and therefor grow. This way he sets a low standard for what he himself, or us together as couple can be and achieve. He rarely initiates anything, only when it’s completely necessary.

          I feel like he slows me down. Where I have inspired idea to do something, he sits back and is skeptical about everything and isn’t willing to give a try. He is not shy or loner, but sometimes he become so passive or stubborn. And it’s not just in our marriage. He struggles about this with his friends, his career. He even suggest me to be more realistic, that life can’t be spent dreaming or just having fun. That everything must be well planed and in right order.

          This is actually completely normal. I am dominated by feminine energy and right brain perspective; and he is dominated by masculine energy and left brain perspective. Myself I am more spontaneous, more relaxed and free spirited and sometimes I feel smothered, put into frames on how everything should be. But since we are a married couple I expect at least for us to come to the middle point.

          I will pay attention these days on what I can do on my side about this topic. I will let you know if this plan works out ;)

          • Santas Inspirations

            I am coming back to give my feedback on how things have been doing. As I had already mentioned on the Affirmation Challenge Round Up there has been positive changes. At first it was difficult to see any problem on my side. I felt like the problem is on my partner, that life hasn’t been exactly fair to me “making me fall in love with someone who isn’t actually my soul mate”

            After posting my experience I felt both:
            - relieved, like something heavy from my shoulders has been released
            - anxious, thinking I had spoken negative behind my husbands back
            My own sentences played in my mind the whole day, questioning whether I should have exposed his character in such a way and my displeasure about how things are going in our love life. I started to sound to myself very nervous, demanding, nagging… insisting on things to be in the way I had imagined everything should be. Deep down I started to see that this is exactly what I really dislike about my husband. It felt horrible, realizing that I have treated him (even if it’s only in my thoughts) the way I least want to be treated.

            I took shower. In my mind I thought that I am washing away everything that doesn’t serve me, my marriage, my life. That my heart and feelings become crystal clear and that I think, feel, give and take only light, love, acceptance, appreciation, patience, understanding, kindness, and all things positive. Later on I didn’t take any specific action. Just looked to my husband with more loving eyes, more opened spirit, leaving out all the perfectionism, all the ways I wish to improve something, just enjoying things the way they are.

            This was really easy for an evening, for the following day, and then slowly it moved back to “normal”. This technique is no miracle on it’s own, it still requires hard work with myself every single day. What I am trying to do is to change my mindset, the perception of my relationships. I am learning not to let emotions to control me or my marriage. Instead I try to create emotions in my mind and move into them physically. I fill myself up with love and happiness (before expecting it from him) as I go by my days. By giving love, appreciation and acceptance, the bond that connects me to my husband will hopefully strengthen much further.

    • Vivian

      Love what you said some I can do same for:)

  • Santas Inspirations

    I love your comment, Rashmi! Every single point you made here I can completely relate to :) Do not hurry into relationships. Live and enjoy your life! And when you go into relationship, go because you want to, because it feels good and because it’s your choice not the pressure from the outside world. You also have right to enjoy couple of relationships before hurrying into the marriage. I know in many cultures and religions it’s a taboo, but I hope these false limitations will disappear from the world. Romantic relationships is a wonderful experience and it is actually part of our spiritual journey and development. Where there is true and reciprocal love, there is nothing sinful about the union. Love comes from divine. Good luck in your journey! I also wanted to add that I am really proud about about your “resistance” and I only wish there were more woman like you in this world!

    • Moonsparkle

      Hi Santas Inspirations, I think the same about romantic relationships being part of our spiritual journey and development. I believe that romantic love is part of my journey but not the only thing. So I’m trying to focus on other things as well.

      • Santas Inspirations

        Hi Moonsparcle ( that’s a really nice screen name),

        Sure, focus on any thing in your life where your heart gravitates. Spiritual experience is a rather an “end product” that we acquire through our connections and efforts ;) Good luck in everything you do! :)

        • Moonsparkle

          Hi, thank you :) Good luck in everything you do too!

          P.S. I joined your Facebook page, I love the dandelion pics. :)

          • Santas Inspirations

            Thanks ;) and I am glad you joined. Stay inspired ;)

            PS. Celes poster for day 11 also has dandelion pic on it.
            We are on same wave :)

  • Moonsparkle

    Hi Rashmi, I like your attitude about relationships, “but my point is relationships are ‘a part of life’, not ‘the life’.” I know for me (and I think for lots of others too) not being in relationship can make me feel “inadequate” but like you said, there are other things in life.

    Also I love your action plan for living your best life. :) I am trying to live mine and work out what makes me happy.

  • Celestine Chua

    Hi Rashmi, thanks for letting me know that you’re using the photos as your desktop wallpapers! :D There’s actually a software called Background Cycler — I’ve the download link available in my Inspirational Wallpapers section. It lets you set multiple wallpapers and then cycles through them at your desired frequency. Helps if you have too many wallpapers you like and you don’t want to just set one!

  • Calae

    Here’s part of my blog post for today (done a day late, due to activities yesterday!):

    So what is my ideal relationship with my boyfriend? It’d be one in
    which we’re both confidently in love with each other, where “I love
    you’s” are said with meaning and without hesitation or condition. It’s
    one where we both take time to talk to one and other each day, not just
    about what’s going on with our lives but what we’re thinking about, and
    other types of intellectual discussion. It’s one where we take interest
    in each other’s hobbies as much as we can, and do things today in which
    we have a common interest. It’s one where we hug and cuddle often, hold
    hands, and in general openly show our affection for one another. It’s
    one where we both encourage each other to grow and better ourselves and
    achieve our goals. It’s one where we care deeply about each other’s
    feelings and problems, yet try to be as logical about things as we can
    where logic is appropriate. Thoughtful gifts or “extra” shows of
    affection every once in a while would also be nice, such as dates, or
    bringing home something yummy to eat, or small gifts or extra special

    So what are the action steps I need to take to achieve this?
    Fortunately, my relationship currently holds most of these ideals. =) I
    think the challenge will be maintaining it in the near future, when my
    boyfriend moves a few cities away and begins medical school — he will be
    busy studying, I will be working each day, and so we’ll probably see
    each other a lot less and under more stressful circumstances. For
    meaning our “I love yous,” I know we definitely mean it in the sense
    that we’re super important and special to each other, but to mean it in
    terms of unconditional, “you’re the one for me” type of way is quite a
    way off (and only if it turns out we are the ones for each
    other, obviously). Only time will tell with that one! As for the rest, I
    think if we continue or increase what we currently do, that would be
    great as I don’t feel like we’re lacking in any of these areas — we do
    what we can with the time/budget we’re allowed!

    I will continue to make sure my boyfriend knows how much he means to
    me, and help him out when I’m able. I’m confident that he’ll continue to
    do his best as well. =) Regardless of the future, I know we’ll always
    mean a lot to each other, and that’s really the most I can hope for.

    My blog post for today here:

  • Vivian

    I love today’s task,
    “I’m in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect.”
    It’s not an easy journey for me and my husband get married. If I am not sure what kind of life I want to live, I may give up at any given time during that suffer journey. Till today, I am grateful that marrying him is the best decision I never made.
    Your Task Today
    A. Imagine your ideal romantic relationship. My husband plays lots of key roles in my life, such as
    1) SoulMate: he is the soulmate for me, the destination we want is the same and we can understand each other.
    2) Father: I have some difficulty with my father, and my husband plays a key role in my life as my father, who support me, teach me, and a man who make me feel safe and can rely on.
    3) Son: he also is a little boy for me, for me to accept him as a son, for me love him like a mother. We here for each other to get the part we missed from our original family.
    4) Mentor: he is my mentor, he taught me lots of things, and enable me to calm down when I get frustrated to what happened in life. And trust me that I can be what I want.
    5) Friend: we just like friends can share with each other on the good/bad things happened in life.
    B. Identify simple steps you can make to this relationship happen. Originally I rate 9 for the relationship, but I changed to give 10/10. Because every moment is the best moment for us. Definitely, there are some area we can do better, may be 11 or 12. I believe I am the root cause for our marriage, I am capable to give us the happiness I wanted in our marriage. With that said, there are something I can do better:
    1) SoulMate: be more open to share my dream to him, and also listen for him for his dream more.
    2) Mentor: ask him more on the things I confused/frustrated/questioned/struggled, he will give me answer and enable me to find answer by myself.
    3) Friend: get more quality time for two of us, we used to take Sat/Sun as our day when our day care can take care our son. Now, I will think other possibility to have quality time for us.
    4) I used to write letter to him, and prepare annual memory book for us, I didn’t do that last year. And this year will be 6th anniversary for us to know each other from the date. Since I will be on biz trip during that week, I will prepare something wonderful for him, for us:)
    Take action! I like the take action part, who to do what by when:)
    1) By end of Aug, I will get the gift ready for him:)
    2) Hug him 2 times a day, one in the morning, one before we go to bed. Even if we fight. (one time, my son noticed that my parent in argument, and said, you are fighting with each other. I asked my son, have you ever notice this mom and dad fight with each other? And he said no immediately. I am really proud of this. This is not good or bad on fighting or not, just different way to communicate in marriage. The way we choose is to have open communication.)
    3) Cook nice food for him during the weekend:
    4) Give him some break time monthly, can’t too much, because I will miss him.
    Say today’s affirmation. I just feel that I am in this relationship already, I am so grateful that he is my soulmate, father, son, mentor and friend. I just told him that I love him, and ask him if have I ever told him, he said I said too many times:)
    “I’m in a loving relationship filled with unconditional love, trust, and respect.”

  • Hanna Sharpe

    My ideal relationship:
    He loves me unconditionally, inspires me and pushes me to be a better person. I feel completely comfortable, safe with him and cherished and respected by him. We have fun together and can have heart-to-heart talks. He’s seen me at my best and worst and still loves me.
    We are attracted to each other still, our love is built to last. We are committed to the relationship and making it work.
    He works on improving himself and being the best person he can be.
    We listen to each other – we have excellent communication.

    I’m in a new friendship with a guy so will base this on him –
    I want him to be more trusting, so I need to trust him.
    I want him to accept me as I am, so I need to accept him as he is.

    Take action – trust him and myself. Accept him as he is, and myself!

  • Vinay Kumar

    I’d already thought about my ideal relationship in day 6′s task. I’d written that my ideal partner would be someone “who’s kind, honest, broad-minded and loving. Someone who could be a lovely companion but at the same time who’s also her own individual. And someone who’s intelligent and mature.”

    I think the simple steps that I could take are to:
    - devote more time to finding a partner. Not accept any new tasks because I already have a good number of things on my plate.
    - make decisions sooner, if I would want to continue dating a person.
    - avoid being biased and try to really get to know the person
    - trust my gut-feelings
    - really ‘live’ my life. To not postpone somethings (like travel plans) until I have a partner. But to lead the kind of life I would wish to be living with my partner.

  • fufu

    The love task has been probably the most intimidate task I’ve done in this Challenge up till now. I realized so many things and went through so much emotions. I spent 2 hours and 30 min on this task alone and I still feel the effects of happiness and change in my life since then.

    So I imagined my ideal relationship with my girlfriend and I quickly noticed my list filled with negative things and just a few positive. Then I painted all the negative stuff blue and the good stuff pink.

    I was astonished at what I saw! I counted the blue list and pink list and things came out equal! 24 bad things, 23 good things and I started realizing how I feel unhappy with my gf but at the same time I feel like she’s amazing and I can’t deny that but for a moment I cried a lot and felt I should just end it. We’re just not compatible no matter how much love we have. I want her in my life even if it’s just as a friend.

    Then I tried the mirroring exercise and I was even more mind blown!!! When I looked at negative list and applied it to myself I realized that out of 24 negative things, 29 (yes they increased) was simply me trying to ask her to do the things I want to do! Ex. I complain that I want her to send me money and help me but mirrored in reality I just lack the ability to find my own money and what I really want is to make money myself.

    I was trying to complete my gaps with her but that’s wrong. We are complete individually and we unite as a couple. All my insecurities surrounding her vanished and suddenly I didn’t feel like she was bad at all. I realized only 5 of my complaints of her are valid and they are simply concerns of mine about her well-being and not stuff that annoy me about her in a personal level.

    The problem was never her. It was me. I laclk self-esteem and initiative and all this time I was blaming her of lacking initiative. I was onlt unconsciously mad at myself all along.

    Action step: I planned out a personal 21-day challenge to deal with my own issues of self-worth. I’d be doing it either on August or September.

  • JadePenguin

    This one’s super easy for me. I’ve been really lucky and found just the right person for me. He has the same goals in life as me (pretty much), he’s very chilled and self-confident, loves me for all I am, is a great listener, doesn’t expect me to read his mind (ohh how many of my exes did that…). As an added bonus, he’s also vegan and loves cooking and knows how to fix things. So our skillsets also complement each other well :)

    I’m still surprised about this every now and then :lol:

  • benjaminsamson

    Great comment Rashmi. I can totally relate to you. Any chance we can be friend? :)