This is Day 9 of the 15-Day Affirmation Challenge held in July 2014, where we practice positive affirmations for 15 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Dear everyone, welcome to Day 9 of our 15-Day Affirmation Challenge! :D
Here is the overview of all the posts for the challenge so far:
- Affirmation Challenge announcement and signup details: 15-Day Affirmation Challenge | Nearly 460 Participants!
- Affirmation Challenge Day 1 [New Beginning] | 75 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 2 [Self-Love] | 79 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 3 [Ability] | 84 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 4 [Setbacks] | 54 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 5 [Gratitude] | 59 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 6 [Self-Worth] | 65 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 7 [Opportunities] | 71 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Week 1 Review | 37 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 8 [Physical Looks] | 41 Comments
Even if you are just reading this now, you are still more than welcome to sign up and join us in today’s task, while working through week one’s tasks in parallel. Remember to share your results too — there are still participants working on Day 1’s task and sharing their results even today!
Now, let’s move to today’s task, which is on…
Day 9: [Relationships]
![Affirmation Wallpaper, [Relationships]: "I'm in conscious relationships that elevate and support me."](https://personalexcellence.co/files/affirmation-relationships.jpg)
Today’s affirmation: “I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
(While today’s task is on “relationships,” I use “relationships” as an encompassing term that refers to any connection in our life (including familial connections, friendships, professional connections, and romantic connections), as opposed to just romantic connections.)
What kind of relationships do you have today? Would you say your relationships are conscious and elevating you? Or would you say that your relationships hold you back and prevent you from being the best you can be?
The best way to know the answer is to evaluate your relationships by these two factors:
- Are you able to openly share AND discuss your goals, dreams, life purpose, and values with the people around you? Or do you feel that you have to dial yourself down and talk about mundane topics just to relate to each other?
- Do you feel that the people around you support you to becoming the best you can be? Or do you feel that they hold you back from being your real self?
If your answer for both points is the former, then congratulations — your relationships are supporting you in your life’s journey! If not, then suffice it to say, your relationships are probably holding you back.
I often talk about how important it is to surround us with the right people. In my article, You Are The Average Of The 5 People You Spend The Most Time With, I share the now-famous Jim-Rohn saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” What the saying means is that you are, in a big way, the product of your relationships.
Say you often hang out with negative, critical people. In fact, the five people you interact with the most — your colleagues Jane and Jenny, your high-school friends Jack and Jill, and your dad — are often gossiping about other people, complaining about their problems, or sometimes even… putting down your ideas. How would you feel? Not only will you feel irritated, you will also gradually “absorb” their negativity and become negative yourself. You may not notice it, but slowly you’ll become jaded, skeptical, resistant to change, critical about others, and disinterested about your future. You essentially become a reflection of what you didn’t like about them in the first place.
Now, even if you are in such relationships today, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be stuck in such relationships forever. Take it from someone who used to be surrounded by largely negative people, and is now in conscious and relationships that elevate her. We may not be able to change how people think, but we can choose the people whom we foster relationships with, and subsequently create conscious, meaningful connections.
Today, your task is to identify the kind of relationships you want, and then to create action steps to make them happen!
Your Task Today
- Identify your ideal relationship. (Remember, here we are using “relationship” as a broad term to refer to any connection, as opposed to specifically romantic relationships.) What is the ideal relationship (be it friendship, family relationship, professional relationship, or romantic relationship) to you?
For example:
- Someone whom I can talk openly to, and who openly shares anything and everything with me
- Someone whom I can be myself around, without having to put up pretenses
- Someone whom I can share all my life goals and dreams with
- Someone whom I can discuss said life goals and dreams with, and even give me ideas on how they can be better!
- Someone who shares common life goals as me, such as X, Y, and Z
- Someone who supports me in everything I do
- Identify places where you can find such people. (With the exception of our family which we can’t change,) Where can you find the kind of people who matche what you mentioned in Step #1?
For example, say you have an interest in healthy eating and you want to be a chef. Places where you can find people to support you in your dreams can be say, healthy living meetup groups (via Meetup.com), healthy cooking courses (where you can find people who desire to learn about healthier cooking methods), chef culinary conferences, and even, cooking competitions!
Get more ideas on meeting new people: Cooped Up Indoors? Get a Life with These 7 Tips.
- Identify action steps! Based what you’ve written in Step #2, what do you need to do to start meeting such people? Identify specific action steps, and include deadlines where applicable!
- Say today’s affirmation. Close your eyes. Visualize yourself surrounded by a large group of people, all of whom you have conscious relationships with. Imagine yourself chatting, laughing, smiling, and spending time with these people, as you walk hand-in-hand with everyone, through the journey of life. Feel the warmth, happiness, and excitement in your heart. As you do, say the affirmation:
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
(If you think it’s silly to say this out loud, you can say it silently in your heart.)
I encourage you to write down today’s affirmation so that you can always see it and commit it to your heart. Repeat it every day to yourself, for as many times and as long as needed, until it becomes part of your default thinking.
Affirmation Wallpaper: [Relationships]
Today’s affirmation wallpaper, for download:
Download (right click and save): [1366×768] [1600×900] [1920×1080]
Further Reading
- You Are The Average Of The 5 People You Spend The Most Time With
- Live a Better Life in 30 Days, Day 19: Create Your Success Network
Tips on how to meet new people:
- 10 Useful Tips To Make New Friends
- How Do I Meet Like-Minded People?
- Cooped Up Indoors? Get a Life with These 7 Tips
- How to Make Small Talk in 5 Easy Ways (Examples Included)
Tips on how to make meaningful connections:
- The Secret To Meaningful Social Relationships (How to Remove Social Anxiety)
- How to Have More Best Friends: My Heartfelt Guide
Share Your Results!
Share your results, check out other participants’ responses, and interact with each other in the comments section! Remember, this challenge is a community effort: by openly engaging in the discussion, not only will you help others, you’ll also help yourself.
If you think today’s affirmation has benefited you, do share it with your friends and family.
Once you’re done, proceed to Day 10 here: Affirmation Challenge, Day 10 [Love]
(Images: Flower, Girl on hill)
![Is It Too Late to Pursue My Dreams? [Video]](https://personalexcellence.co/files/video-is-it-too-late-400x267.jpg)
![Your Plans vs. Universe's Plans For You [Infographic]](https://personalexcellence.co/files/infographic-your-plans-vs-universe-plans-400x291.png)
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I am very emotional in one mtg today, after the mtg, my Mentor who joined the mtg coached me on the lessons I should learn from today’s debate. I am really grateful for the coaching she provided to me. Today’s task is such an eye-opening experience. I just realized I am unconscious in the relationship than I used to think.
YourTask Today
A. Identify your ideal relationship.
1) My best soul-friend, the lady in my body
2) My soul-mate, who accept who I am, love me because who I am, support me to achieve
to my dream—husband
3) Someone allow me to be myself, support me, give me unconditionally love—family
4) Someone I can trust and openly share what I experienced, listening to me—friends
5) Someone who I can share all my life goals and dreams with, support me –buddy
6) Some one who will provide feedback/guideline to me on how to move forward to get my
dream come true, even tell me I am in the wrong direction –coach/mentor
7) Some one who can help me get my dream come true—sponsor
8) Someone who shares common life goals as me—community
9) Someone who I can add value, offer helps—consistent as my goal as trainer/writer
B. Identify places where you can find such people.
1) I am glad that for lots of roles I already have and can continue build relationship in my current company.
2) PE:I need intentionally to build relationship with those who shares common life goals as me, which PE is the great platform for me to met so many friends like Vicki/Lisa/Educate yourself/ASLO/Celes, I believe there are more when I follow up on the previous post.
3) For sponsor, is deserved instead of seeking. I need do excellent job to earn.
4) Social media: Daily refection to capture my learning, and share to others.
C. Identify action steps!
1) Keep connection on the current network, and conscious to the network
2) Deliver excellent job to earn sponsor
3) Engage in PE to know more people have same goals as me, definitely, Celes is an great
inspiration for me.
4) Write in my blog and weibo, capture my learning.
D. Say today’s affirmation.
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_a2fd0f5f0102uxfu.html
Hi Vivian, it’s awesome that for many of your desires of an ideal relationship, you already have them in existing connections. The next step is to maintain the connections and to foster stronger bonds with said people, for sure.
I’m not sure how big your blog audience is, but one thing to consider if having readers meetups in the future if your audience size is sufficiently big. Even if not, meeting a one or two readers is also a consideration as a start. As they are reading your blog, it shows that they are probably like-minded souls too!
By the way, I understand weibo is the Chinese version for Twitter? Are sites like Facebook and Twitter banned in China? How about Linkedin, Pinterest, and Instagram? (Just curious to understand the current Chinese internet landscape.)
Update: By the way as I mentioned in a separate comment to you earlier in the China, I realized it is indeed true that WordPress.com hosted blogs are banned in China. (Here are the list of websites banned in China.) This explains why you couldn’t access participant Samuel’s blog, which is a big pity! But at least you can read his results here though!
Yes, weibo is the Chinese version for Twitter :)
I am in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.
I have some relationships like that, and I can identify characteristics that make the supportive, positive, and elevating.
My husband is extremely supportive in many ways. As I wrote about in Day 8, he accepted my appearance, birthmark and all. He has been willing to adjust his life to accommodate my needs and my plans, just as I have done for him. For instance, when I was in graduate school in a town two hours away, he looked for work there. He did not find anything, but he was willing to put his own career on hold in order to support mine! He finds ways to tell other people about things that I am doing or have done that he is proud of, and he is proud of me for many things.
My siblings and I support one another. Right now we are helping my sister C who is our mother’s caregiver, by paying someone to take care of Mom several hours a day so that she can have a break. She needs a new roof on her house, and we are all pitching in to get that done: brothers and nephews doing the actual work, sister B and I helping pay for it and staying with mom while C works on the house too. One year when my husband was in the nursing home with a broken hip, they brought Thanksgiving dinner to him — the whole extended family came — because we couldn’t go to them.
We like each other a lot and are often silly together. When a problem arises, they are among the very first that I call, sometimes for help but often just to talk about it.
My friends JL and TL have been in my life since 1981, and we have shared a great many experiences. TL and I worked in the same field, and JL and I have many interests in common. They are people I feel I can talk to and say “stupid” things and not be judged.
BB and I have become close in the last couple of years, as we meet weekly to talk Spanish. We talk about ordinary things, our famiies and activities and interests. Sometimes I have advice and information for her and sometimes she has advice and information for me. We laugh a lot together. She is very supportive.
I also have a helper once a week who goes way beyond the call of duty out of kindness. He and I have stimulating conversations because we doesn’t agree about a lot of things but at bottom we share the same values, just different ideas about how they should be lived out.
These people and I share many values though not all, and a really key thing is that even where we don’t agree on something, we accept one another and don’t try to change the other.
In contrast, I used to be in relationships that did not support and elevate me. I thought they were elevating me and opening up new areas of life and helping me to be a better me, but when I stepped away from them, I realized that although I gained some new knowledge and experiences, the relationships were strained because the other person was critical and wanted to change me in ways that I did not want to change.
Step 1: Identify your ideal relationship
Having looked at the positive relationships, I can identify my IDEAL relationship as one that embodies support ,acceptance, kindness, respect, and sharing. Sharing some interests is important but having interests not shared also matters because I sometimes I become interested in a new thing because a friend likes it and talks about it.
Step 2: Identify places where you can find such people
One way is through the friends I already have. I met JL through her husband TL, who worked in the same place I did. And I met BB through another friend.
I meet people at church. There are two women there that I would like to get to know better.
Some relationships have fallen away because I have been too tied up in caring for MrB to have time to tend to them. And yet these are kind supportive caring people. Because MrB is better now I can reconnect with them.
Specific places: 1. SCAS activities (this Saturday night). 2. WB (Saturday mornings). 3. 3T (which is tonight) 4. Artist Night (tomorrow). 5. CIELO reading group in August. These are opportunities to reconnect with old friends as well as meet new ones. 4. Senior Services Center activity groups.
I also have online friends whom I have never met in person and probably never will but they have the characteristics that I want in my friends.
Step 3: Identify action steps:
Since there are specific activities on specific dates in the very near future, I can go to them.
I can call the two women that I want to know better, for coffee or lunch.
I can go to the SSC activities on my own if MrB is not willing to go with me. Sometimes I have to blaze a trail for him, so to speak. Whether he goes or not, I will meet people doing activities such as art and crocheting that I am interested in.
Step 4: Visualization and then repeat the affirmation.
I am smiling as I imagine myself surrounded by these loving people and others like them. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
I am in conscious relationships that elevate and support me. Now and in the future.
Vicki, I am so happy to read your affirmation that in the dreaming relationship now and future. It’s such nice that you and your husband proud of each other.
1. Identify your ideal relationship:
Someone who is like minded in pursuing personal growth, whom I can talk openly with, who is concious about his/her life, and who is supportive and not afraid to push me (and be pushed) to grow.
2. Identify places where you can find such people.
Here on PE! Also, there are lots of such meet up groups on meetup.com.
3. Identify action steps.
A) Actually, already done. I have joined several upcoming meetups of interest and am just waiting for them.
B) Talk to at least three people in each meetup (length, quality of interaction depends on circumstances)
C) For those whom I “click” with by having common ground, send a follow up email though their meetup profile.
4. Repeat the affirmation
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
http://samuelimyongen.wordpress.com/2014/07/18/affirmation-challenge-day-9/
Oh, so awesome! :D I’m actually intending to hold a PE readers meetup soon Samuel, and hopefully you can join then! Likely end of this month (tentative), and I’ll announce towards the end of the challenge. Stay tuned!
I’m very tired right now, I almost didn’t get today’s task written up before bed! For this reason, I’m considering today a sort of work-in-progress — I’m not sure I’ve thought it through as much as I could at all. I’m also just going to copy and paste most of my post from my blog, because I’m finding it hard to stay awake and post this. xD I’ll be back though to update if needed, and most definitely to join in on the discussion!
Celes opens the challenge of the day asking us if the people close to
us fit two criteria — 1) Are you able to fully express yourself/share
your goals, values, purpose, etc. with them? Or do you have to stick
with mundane topics? 2) Do they support and empower you, or do they put
you down?
I thought about this for a minute, my initial thoughts being, “No
way! I would sound like I’m babbling incoherently if I mentioned all of
these things!” But that’s simply not the case; in fact, I’m very
fortunate that I have very supportive people in my life! While I may not
be able to explain everything to them exactly as I do it, the
fact is I still bring it up in more subtle ways. For example, I can
mention the things that are important to me to other people, and my
goals — and the more solid of a plan I have to execute them, the more
likely these won’t be seen as “fantasy” but thought-out, life change.
If anything, I think anyone’s doubt in my abilities comes from me,
either by me not being solid on my goals, or doing a lot of talking but
little action. If I show results, though, obviously I’m less “crazy”
wanting the goals I’ve set for myself!
Some different kinds of relationships I want are: emotionally
supportive, intellectually supportive, experience-exchanging (as in,
having a mentor or a mentee), and someone with whom I can discuss my
dreams/engage my imagination.
Honestly, I’ve got maybe one or two people whom I trust to discuss my
dreams, but I feel that’s all I need! I’ve got plenty of people to
support me emotionally (thank goodness for that!), and intellectually,
I’m surrounded by incredible smart people. In terms of having a mentor
(as I’m not sure I could be a mentor to anyone right now!), I really
don’t have one. The closest I can get is to the teachers/writers who
create the materials I’ve been using to learn. Even if I don’t have
direct contact with them, they’re still providing me the opportunity to
learn!
In terms of where I can find more people (perhaps such as those also
learning the skills I’m learning), I’d say I’d probably find most of
them in communities online. I’m not big on meeting people I don’t
already know in real life, plus I feel the types of things I love to
learn are better discussed online — for example, personal growth and all
sorts of programming/app development have huge communities online. But
in real life, it can be harder to find people who are growth-focused,
and it’s almost easier to discuss things like programming online/over
the computer.
If I start to think of other ways I can meet people, I’ll give it a
go. I’m not sure if I’ve even fully realized the types of people/support
I want in my life!
Here’s my blog post for the day: http://hackmyheart.com/affirmation-challenge-day-9/
That’s exactly how I feel when I try to talk to those around me about my goals, dreams, and life plans. Usually they give me that funny look, something like “What are you talking about?…”, and smile politely. I don’t mind that, although sometimes I wish I had someone with whom to talk about all these things and who would take me seriously. However, online communities have greatly helped me in this respect. Just like you said, finding like-minded people is a whole lot easier online.
I like the way in which you structured relationships (emotionally, intellectually, and experience-exchanging). This way we focus on all the good things about the relationships we currently have, because not every relationship we have is with someone interested in personal development, but every relationship contributes one way or another to our growth. :)
That’s exactly how I feel! One person will probably not fulfill all of your needs, but there’s also no reason for them to because you can always find people who fulfill your other needs.
And even if I can’t talk about, say, my life map in detail with someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t support me at all on my goals! They’re just probably not interested in that level of detail for some reason or another. But that doesn’t mean I can’t tell them, “Hey, I’m starting to teach myself more about (insert thing here)!” Usually when you’re really making progress on something, people take notice and become interested. Until that point though, it may feel too “out there” to a lot of people.
For me, right now I really want to try and create my own apps and things like that, so I’m taking a beginner’s Android app-creation course. I can tell people easily I’m learning this new skill — I don’t necessarily need to tell them I ultimately want to make things that inspire, educate, entertain, and potentially even help people. That could be something I eventually make happen without ever telling anyone my intention. Should my actions create the effects I want, that’s all I’m really hoping for! It’d be awesome to openly share my end-goal/intention with people, but I’m not sure it’s necessary for the support that I want.
Oh man, sorry for rambling! It seems I’m quite talkative (type-ative?) in the morning. ^^;
Haha, don’t worry, I enjoyed reading everything (the “type-ative” part cracked me up).
It’s great that you’re investing in learning new things which will ultimately help you in achieving some of your other dreams and goals. :D I wish you good luck with all my heart!
Thank you so much! =D Good luck to you as well!
My relationships are quite the opposite of the ideal I have in my mind. I and my friends don’t share the same interest in personal growth and my parents are the “product” of past social/political/economical circumstances, so they see the whole self-development thing as something “airy-breezy-wishful-thinking-good-for-nothing”. As a matter of fact, in my country personal development is largely perceived as my parents perceive it; it’s not a popular thing and it is definitely regarded as something useless and with no real/long term results.
My ideal relationship would be with a person who is patient, kind (as in towards others and towards himself/herself as well), open to improving themselves and to learning new things, someone who supports me and encourages me on my path towards becoming a better me.
One place — and the main one for that matter — where I can find such people is online. Personal development sites are the meccas of those who are making conscious efforts towards becoming their best selves and helping others do the same thing along the way. PE is a winner in this respect — reason why I keep coming back to the site and to its forums. A second place where I could find like-minded people would be in local NGOs.
Action steps: 1) I’ll talk to a friend who is part of an active, well-organized NGO, and ask her what are the requirements for someone to join. 2) Keep reading PE and other personal development sites, and interact with others in the online environment.
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
I think a lot of people unfortunately believe that personal growth is that “wishful thinking” you mentioned. I’m sure things like “The Secret” helped create this mindset — personal growth is so much more than just thinking about what you want and waiting for it to happen, which I think is what people took from The Secret! I think if people saw it as a series of concrete steps, they might think differently, but even just mentioning something like, “If you work to change your mindset…” people dismiss it right away.
I know so many people who take things as unchangeable facts of life — that life sucks, that they can’t change who they are, that they can’t change their circumstances or that it’s too late for them to. It’s so sad, but ultimately trying to tell them that these things could be changed usually just leads to them getting annoyed.
Good luck in finding those relationships you want! I’m not sure what an NGO is, but I hope you’re able to join one and it leads you to lots of awesome people! =)
The thing with The Secret is that the producers of the documentary/video and the author of the book don’t mention the *second* part to achieving your dreams and all that you visualize: taking action! They kind of touch on this aspect in the documentary/video, but they mostly focus on the asking and the visualizing parts. What The Secret does for you is that it helps you create a positive mindset and attitude towards life and events, and it is only logical that those who feel good, driven, and motivated will make more inspired decisions and immediately after they will act upon those decisions.
But yes, those who think self-development is just wishful thinking (or other such things) may have gotten the idea from The Secret, without realizing that there is a part two to it. :)
NGOs are non-governmental organizations whose missions vary greatly. There are NGOs for specific cultural events (for example, I was part of a Romanian-Japanese NGO which aimed at making the Japanese culture known to the Romanian public :) ), for charitable activities and events, for environmental care, and many more.
Thank you, Calae! I wish you the same. :)
My ideal relationship would be with someone:
– I can form a deep connection with, beyond superficial layers.
– I can be myself around and feel comfortable with, and who accepts me as I am – flaws and all.
– I can have deep, fulfilling conversations with but with whom
I can also have fun (basically someone I can laugh and cry with).
– I can go to in my down moments, and who will do the same with me when they need a friend.
– who listens
– who make me a priority in their life.
On where I can find people like this, this is tricky for me. My first thought to this question would
literally be “I have no idea.” My second thought is whether people like this actually exist, or at least if they do in my geographical area. Websites like meetup.com don’t have much of a following in my country, and it’s difficult to find groups of like minded people such as clubs or organizations, etc. I’d have to do some research to find out what is really out there. Unfortunately as well, right now I have limited mobility (and live in a country with minimal public transport) so even if I could find a group, it would be difficult for me to get out there and meet people.
I am hoping that when I find a job, this will (at least a little) open up the opportunity to meet people and I can hopefully branch out from there.
Today’s task is a little challenging given my geographical location as well as other factors that make it difficult for me to get out there and meet people. But I hope in the future things will change to allow this to be easier for me.
It has been long ago that I identified the ideal relationships that I’d like to be in (like 4 years age). And I started to seek them. I joined different NGOs, workshops, clubs to meet more people. But this didn’t work for me. I didn’t really get close with anyone from there. I tried to make some friends, but we were too different and the relationships were not rewarding for me. I gave in trying. I have people to talk to, but not about what I want to talk about. And it became to me so hard to trust new people. Probably I don’t give enough time for building a relationship with someone, because this is not my #1 priority in life (first goes my work, then studies, then fitness, then self-developement, and only then relationships). I do not want to invest more time in it, but I want to talk to someone from time to time (and not about mundane thinghs), and I want to travel and am not really exited of doing this alone. This is a dead end: nobody is sitting there and waiting for when I have time and desire to spend time with them, but I do not want to loose in other areas of my life by taking time from there. It seems to me, it would require much more time investment to find the right person and to built friendship.
Hey Celes, could you do a post about lack of motivation
I am in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.
By chance this January I decided to stop communicating with some very critical and negative family members. The relationships were very toxic to me and I have fought all my adult life to find my real self. Somehow it all just became too much for me this year and I decided to give it all a rest and just withdraw for some time and give myself a chance to be whole. I have subsequently struggled with this decision through the year so far, wondering if I have not carried things to the extreme. This challenge is helping me realise that I do have a right to supportive relationships and have a duty to myself to ensure I have such in my life in abundance!
I am in conscious relationships that elevate and support me!
Hey, I can relate to this somewhat. I have very negative family members as well, and although I haven’t cut off contact entirely, I’ve needed to greatly reduce it. I wish you the best of luck moving forward — you -do- deserve to have supportive relationships!
and maybe a post on self-control…. only if possible
Hi Kelli! I already have a post “9 Proven Ways To Charge Up Your Motivation,” which is a bonus article in Personal Excellence Book, Volume 2. As for self-control, here’s a post on self-discipline I wrote before in 2009: Self-Discipline is Overrated.
Relationships around us should definitely help us in bringing our best. When there are such ‘soul elevating’ conversations I get such a ‘high’! Because I truly understand how rare it’s to find like minded people. I don’t have many people who I can relate to or even support me. Few of my near and dear ones do support me of course but there are many others who either don’t take the trouble of understanding what I am trying to say or few who understand but constantly try to put a wet blanket on my goals.
There have been tons of times earlier when I tried confiding In such people about my goals but however they always succeeded in finding some fault or the other with my aspirations and putting me down.
There were few other ‘great creatures’ who tried to insult me In front of everybody and did a very successful job of pulling down my spirits. They ridiculed me publicly either in front of me or back gossiping (in spite of the fact that I never ever interfered with their goals or their personal life). When I was away from home for studies, I encountered so many people who used to get defensive for anything I said even though what I shared were ‘my’ personal opinions about ‘my’ personal life which had to do nothing with ‘them’.
Now I realize, to some extent it was my fault that I entertained such people for a very long time, took their every word to be true like a fool and lowered my own self esteem in the process. I should have sent clear signals about their unacceptable behavior towards me or should have cut them completely out of my life because I believe they totally deserved it.
Coming to today’s challenge tasks, ideal relationships for me would be someone with whom I can share my aspirations, my positive, even bad things about myself without having to worry that I will be judged. Someone who truly understands me. I think it’s relatively easier to find emotionally like minded people than spiritually compatible ones. And if I find such souls (even few) I would consider myself extremely lucky.
I feel internet could be a source for meeting new people however I doubt if it’s really that reliable. Social networking (facebook, meetups) does facilitate great interactions. I think if we be the best in what we do, wherever we are, we end up attracting relationships which are the ones which we desire.
Currently I am working on my greatest BHAG (Big Hairy Audicious Goal- I really like the terminology, Celes!) so I myself have limited the opportunities for meeting more people. However I tell you the plan for meeting more and more like minded people ‘is’ in near future once I switch myself to my ‘regular’ mode! I intend to take courses for my hobbies which hopefully would help in facilitating great exchanges. I am also planning to switch my body language to a more open type v/s the aloof one which I currently have (though it may take some time).
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
I have been blessed with the most wonderful relationships in my life….kids who love and appreciate and understand me, uncles and aunts who engraved wonderful qualities in my life, brothers who lovingly stood by my side and my husband, living with whom I always come to see my shortcomings and have reason to work towards my personal growth…often at times relationships which are bound by a golden thread…admittedly a very delicate one get worn in places but it’s always upto us to mend those worn out places and in the last few years as I read and understand more, I appreciate the need for that!
1. Identify your ideal relationship: My ideal relationship has only one thing that acts like the binding glue to all the other qualities of a relationship….honesty…..be it any relationship….I expect honesty for I give the same…and even if an honest relationship, there may be times when the truth feels hurtful with a bit of time the appreciation of the other side being honest with us makes any relationship for me ideal….
2. Identify places where you can meet such people: Well that’s a tough one…I’d say the whole world….with all the people I meet every day, I’d set out with the affirmation that whoever I’ll meet will be open and honest with me and I shall be the same to them,
3. Action Steps: I like the idea of stepping out with the affirmation in #2. If I genuinely believe that I will meet well meaning people, friends, family, strangers, who within their capacities are honest and open…(by which I do not mean they share their deepest secrets with me, just not lie even on the most trivial and benign issues for I cannot tolerate lies and I find myself almost always knowing when the other side isn’t being truthful)
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me!”
Day 9 of the 15 Day Affirmation Challenge
“I”m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
“The best relationships are with those that you can share all your truths with and together you build each other up to be better people.” – LW
Look for the people around you that when you walk away from a conversation or read their blogs, that you feel uplifted. Those are the people that feed your heart and soul, and in return you should do the same back to them, and then you have formed the best and healthiest relationships. Those are your peeps!
Hello everyone,
I was looking forward for relationship challenge. ;) Thank you for finally arriving :) :) :)
Are ALL my relationships conscious and elevating? Definitely not! I am really fortunate that my mom and my sister is also very passionate about reading books and listening audio programmes, motivated in spiritual journey seeking higher consciousness.Thanks to all these teachings we have became closer, much more understanding and supporting to each other. ( and this is one of those things I am most grateful for in my life) and we similar idea about purpose in life. I can definitely speak with them about all my goals and ideals and feel empowered afterwards.
It’s quite different in my other relationships, that can be divided in two categories:
– those who are not concerned at all about spirituality / self development or even have a very negative feeling towards it because of their own belief system, religion, dogma and they consider those things imaginary, superficial, supernatural, paganic or of even satanic.
– those who is half way in spirituality / self development, who understand the teachings and are good at giving you feedback. They carry the theories within them and are great for conversations and even advices, but they only feed their brain with how things are supposed to be and do not manifest any of those in their lives.
The second is somehow the most dangerous category of friends, because I feel like we have so much in common, but same time something makes me gravitate away from them. Their own lives are good examples of who I don’t want to become no matter how positive or intelligent their thoughts sounded to me at first place. While those who are totally skeptical about my worldview and plans, can somehow strengthen my confidence that I am on the right path or direct to some blind spots.
My ideal idea of a relationship has always been a “Soul Mate”. Group of soulmates. Temporary or permanent. Soul Reminders. Soul Connections. These kinds of relationships are so rare. I believe because we are afraid to be our authentic selves and have intimacy (not necessarily sexual) with someone else. Most of my soul connection happened in childhood, when being preset with my reality was an everyday experience.
To find anybody who even a little resembles a soul mate or any person that is compatible with us, we must start with firstly being more and more in alignment with who we are and what our mission is, and right people will appear almost simultaneously. That is what always have happened. Meetup groups or any similar communities or NGOs that share our interests or values is great places to start. And not just appearing there, but being fully present, sharing our passion and enthusiasm with the people we interact with.
Some of the greatest people I have get to know and meet was via internet. People from overseas, from different backgrounds, religions, experiences, values, who had something about them that I lack in myself. They were not my soulmates, but we brought a lot to each other through our relationships. And this is the type of people that I would love more of in my life. Regardless to who they are or where they are from or what they believe in, just to be open minded and warm hearted same time, opened to exchange, exploration, adventure… free of prejudice, stereotypes, xenophobia, and over all swimming in deeper waters, having vision and goals,…
Where to find more awakened people or people interested in awakening? Could be libraries or book store in spirituality departments, could be in various seminars and workshops, yoga or meditation sessions, in courses or even universities and through already mentioned ngos,meetup groups and other internet pages, forums, blogs and channels.
There are two wonderful people that I discovered quite recently, working on interesting projects that resonate completely with me. I would love to devote my time and energy for the cause we commonly believe in. They have requested that they need more people to realise all the ideas and I guess I just have to follow my inner voice, apply and see what can happen… :) It would be a personally inspiring experience for me and I am sure along the way, sharing more of who I am and doing more of what I love to do, like-minded people would show up and we would form great spiritual connections. Just thinking of it gives me chills. That’s on my to do list and deadline would be just after I finish writing this post.
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.” :)
PS: The positivity is really growing along the challenge. Affirmations work :)
Great exchange people! I agree. The internet has opened things up for us and can be used for tremendous good and connection, or the opposite according to our level of consciousness. :)
It’s a great thing that you mother and sister share your interests and passion for personal development. Since they are family members, it’s all the more pleasant to have them there for you, to support and encourage you. :) I can only imagine how good it feels to have a support “network” in your very own home.
Also, I love the way you talked about “soul mates” as in “soul connections”. It’s beautifully said! Personally, I think one of the reasons why it’s difficult to find such people, with whom to connect on a deeper level, is that we as human-beings are afraid of being rejected or ridiculed. So oftentimes we prefer to keep to ourselves our feelings and thoughts instead of openly sharing them with others. To easily connect with other people who come from all walks of life, all part of the world, all cultures, etc. is a sign of spiritual awakening and advancement (at least that’s what I think).
Thanks, it really is a great thing, but it hasn’t always been this way. It all started “accidentally” with a book my mom randomly ( or intuitively) picked up from local library. So many things have change in our relationships. Most of my life I felt like I have no parents or family, and only last couple of years ( since about 2009) things have started to improve. Where once I had noone and I was on my own, now at age of 25 I am starting to realize I have love and support from my mom.
You are exactly right! I completely agree with you. The fear you mentioned is what stops most of people, that’s why our societies are full of lonely, disconnected and unhappy individuals. We don’t function as collective, as family of humanity, we are divided with borders, countries, languages and religions. I have lived abroad in 3 different countries since I was 18. Deep down people are same everywhere and want the same things.
Connecting with one another is supposed to be the most natural, the easiest thing in the world. We are governed by our egos and false believes that’s why we have lost connection to ourselves and one another. World slowly starts to wake up, and it needs more people who live by their hearts not by their fears…
I kept nodding as I read this. You said exactly what I feel! Especially about people being disconnected and unhappy. It’s a real paradox: we’re always connected — via tablets, laptops, PCs, and smartphones thanks to the existence of an Internet connection — but we’re completely disconnected from each other, as human-beings. There’s no good in knowing what X person got for lunch at a restaurant or who is in a relationship with who if we can’t unite for a greater truth and purpose.
Just like you said, we share the same basic beliefs and values (something I’ve always believed and preached), yet we seem to prefer to live isolated, in our comfort zone where we feel safe, albeit lonely. I’m in awe at the idea of how we’re all connected. Everything is connected. We are one. Luckily — and as you observed, too — more and more people are awakening to this idea and embracing it. The future will surely see major changes in our consciousness as humankind.
Exactly! :) Unfortunately technology can not replace real human connections like someone’s presence or physical touch. This {} can never replace real hug. It’s quite sad that even while being physically present, people don’t make too much eye contact with each other or have real conversations anymore. I heard someone said that people don’t want to connect anymore, they just want an illusion of being connected, and it really looks so to me.
Well there are secret societies and organisations behind media, beauty and entertainment industries, politics, governments, economy, education systems, science, theology, etc that has benefit of people being “blind”, disconnected, weak – shorter to say – easy to lead over. I don’t want to go into this subject because it’s really really ugly, but anybody who wants to learn more about all this corruption can find it on internet.
People lately speak a lot about Mayan calendar, indigo children, age of Aquarius, law of attraction, power of our thought, unity consciousness and many other. We, general public, gray mass, have been trained to think about those things as superstitious. All this ancient knowledge is hidden from us. There were civilizations long before us with much higher achievements in technology, science, medicine, astrology etc than nowadays world. No one can still explain the phenomena of Egypt pyramids… but it seems like it’s the only secret that we need to decode to understand human origins and all the wonders of the universe.
Personal development, goal setting is baby steps towards the potential that all of us have. We as human species we are not even civilized yet, we do too much harm to our planet and all living. We do all this to ourselves and people don’t even seem to notice how much destruction our thinking and actions has brought to our realities. This is really a great time to be alive and witness all the little changes accruing now on our planet ;) For those few who are awake this is chance to make those changes happen ;)
“We as human species we are not even civilized yet, we do too much harm to our planet and all living. We do all this to ourselves and people don’t even seem to notice how much destruction our thinking and actions has brought to our realities. This is really a great time to be alive and witness all the little changes accruing now on our planet ;)”
This. It’s so true. I think that one of the reasons why people have a passive attitude — as in “Why should I care if the majority doesn’t?” or “Why should I act if I can’t change the whole world on my own?” — is exactly that we feel so disconnected from each other. We see ourselves as isolate, independent bundles of flesh and bone, which is quite saddening. As I’ve said before, we’re all connected and we could do so much if we all joined our forces and taught each other what we know.
However, there are all kinds of people out there and some only see their own interest, given that money and power can be blinding. I’m aware that having a united, peaceful world sounds rather utopic in today’s social, economical, and political environment, but the power to change things is withing us. I’m sure that at a certain point, there will be a “mass-realization,” a global “A-ha!” moment, when everything will click and people will indeed join forces for the greater good.
Loving your insights, Santa. :)
So do I Madalina ;) I really enjoy discussing these things with you.
1. Identify your ideal relationship.
I already have my ideal relationship with my best friend. I wish my family is like him. He supports everything. Ever since he came into my life, my life changed. I think he’s a good influence. I started doing things on my list that have been sitting there making me feel guilty and hating myself. He listens to me and know what i mean when i say something. My own family misunderstood me and it make me feel bad and I don’t share anything that is important to me that i want to share with them. They would look down on it like my mom looked down on me collecting bottle/cans to refund for my dream.
2. Identify places where you can find such people. (With the exception of our family which we can’t change,) Where can you find the kind of people who match what you mentioned in Step #1?
I used to have supportive people in Toastmasters and the Temple I trained martial arts in. I had to leave for for a while but i plan to go back.
I joined meetups from my influence. He is doing great on his own too and inspired me to go on my own to make it happen. I don’t go now because of Ramadan but after it’s over I will keep going.
3. Identify action steps! Based what you’ve written in Step #2,
I need a permanent place where I can grow. I like how it was in Toastmasters. Now I am on a buget so I can’t afford to go to meetups all the time. Because the fees vary from $3 -10 each time. In Toastmasters i only have to pay $60 for 6 months. So I am planning to go back to my old Toastmasters in August. In the meantime I will keep going to the meetups after Ramadan.
I am also plannining to go back to my martial arts school. I have to save first. But I will go for sure by the end of this year inshah Allah. When mom leave it will be hard and i need to be calm to go on I can’t lose it now and start thinking suicidal thoughts when life gets hard and it will. It’s already starting financially. I am statarting to thing “how can I pay rent, tuition (college) + martial arts, internet, phone, transportation, food, personal care… on a part time job paycheck?” I am so freaking scared now but I am excited to be on my own and learn what eveyone has been doing for so long. I wanted this for so long. I am grateful my wish is coming true. But I am scared.
4. Say today’s affirmation. Close your eyes.
“I’m in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
I am in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.
I consider myself very lucky that I have friends I connect with and can share with!!! :)
My ideal relationship:
I feel comfortable, loved and heard. I am important to this person and they are important to me. We take the time and energy to spend time together and are interested I. Each other’s lives.
I enjoy being with him/her – be they friend, work colleague, romantic partner/boyfriend or family member.
We have fun and connect, and can have heart-to-heart talks.
We encourage and empower each other. We share our life goals and plans. We have some similar outlooks on life.
Where can I find such people?
– make sure I am spending time with my friends/family on a regular basis.
– meet up groups on yoga, spirituality, healthy eating….
Action steps
Let people know that I expect them to support me in my diet/lifestyle choices.
Find a new meetup group that I feel good about joining.
Go to a five rhythms dance event.
Best of luck in your BHAG! I’m sorry for all the people in your past that brought you down; I’ve been there before too, and I know how hard it can be to realize you should cut these people from your life (or do your best to do so). I wish you the best of luck, truly, in finding supportive people in your life! =)
Thank you for the beautiful words. Very encouraging!
I’d never really thought about relationships this way(until sometime back, and not this consciously). This offers a new perspective. I’ve always been welcoming of any new connection. I would generally not seek to establish any connection actively, but when someone tries to establish it with me, or connections stem up naturally, I’ve always been open to them. But that has also meant that I’ve accepted and allowed to flourish, non-‘ideal’ relationships in my life.
My ideal relationship would be with someone with whom I can completely be myself. Who gets me. Who’s genuine and 100% honest. Who’s kind. Someone who has great emotional maturity, and with whom I can have a good conversation over a cup of coffee :).
I’ve been lucky to have been meeting a lot of such people. I’ve joined a toastmasters club recently, a tango group, another dance group, and I’m also an active member of my city’s theater circle. I happen to meet many wonderful artists who’re even better human beings. So life has been kind that way :) My only challenge is to limit my connections with not so ideal people. Some of them have become good friends, more so because they feel that way(that i’m a great friend). I probably need to find a kinder way of limiting the time spent with them. I’ve already started doing that. I just need to keep at it, and be more assertive. I need to prioritize and make myself free for a better set of people :)
Personally I have noticed that human relationships are mostly based on materialism and individualism in a capitalistic environment/liberalism geared by the pursuit of/exchanges with
money which has become the god of the present century. No matter what the culture, the belief, the environment, the pursuit of money is the intimate prime mover of people’s intentions, moves, attitudes, choices. Some parents show more love for their children who have succeeded financially. Sadly enough, many people’s attitude change with even ignorant people who become suddenly rich and behave wickedly. I strongly wish I would not change in that negative way.
Something else I have noticed is that money also gives birth to the birth of social classes and has a bearing on human relationships. The human greed for materialism has gone as far as to break the human relationships with his/her fellow human; the human relationships with the environment and the nature in general. In my area money is a source of power which badly intentioned people use to dominate and oppress others.
God save me from such an attitude and give a clear vision to develop fruitful human relationships with people whom I can talk openly to, and who openly shares many things with me. Fortunately
the power provided by money does not corrupt everybody. Many people remain humble /open and adopt good principles no matter what their financial situationand education.
“I’m and will be in conscious relationships that elevate and support me.”
Hmmm – I am going to have to think about this. My husband is the person I interact with most. He supports me, but prefers to be macho. He isn’t big on the compliments or positive feedback. Nor is he negative, but I really wish he were more vocally positive. My best friend is my best cheerleader, so that works. But I never gave thought to the way negativity can be ‘catching.’ I’ll be more aware of that and will make sure to cultivate relationships where there is positivity.
In my case, there’s one person in my life who definitely fulfils both criteria. Everyone else, not so much. There’s some amazing people I know who live far away now and I can only talk to them online. The people near me are not as close as I’d wish (except again, that one person).
On the other hand, there aren’t any negative people as such. My housemates are all lovely and happy individuals. The topics may be mostly mundane everyday matters, especially as it’s summer and not much is happening. But then I spend most of my time online.
1. Identify your ideal relationship.
Someone who believes in cooperation over competition, wants to change things in the world just as much as me and is willing to put in effort. Someone who’s interested in a wide variety of things, so I can tell them random stuff I’ve learned and they’ll be interested. Someone who’s a good communicator: open and honest, won’t talk too much or too little, actively asks questions and shows a genuine interest in me, while sharing lots about their own interests. Someone who’s eager to experience new things and go to interesting events, talks etc. Vegans preferable. Non-smokers only unless it’s e-cigs or flavoured tobacco, or they’re considerate about it. Lol this is starting to sound like a personal ad!
2. Identify places where you can find such people.
Activist groups, vegan groups, the Internet. There isn’t really a place for meeting “good communicators”! :D Meetup hasn’t helped me much due to living in a smallish city. I’ve only found one group through that – it’s called “Be awesome” and sounds very PE’ey but the last meeting was very unorganised and ended up in just two people talking about their business plans (both of whom sounded like your average self-help gurus). So in an hour, we didn’t even get through the introductions! I’ll try again next month and see if it gets any better.
3. Identify action steps!
Think I’m already doing all I can :) It needs time and patience more than anything, til the right people come along. I’ve also poked two old friends who are ridiculously hard to reach (one’s in an American timezone; one is really unreliable with invitations).
Day 9: Relationships
1)
After
writing down a long list of my ideal relationship I decided that I already have
my ideal relationships. I want to stop overlooking them trying to search
somewhere else for what I already have plus I believe in meeting people
naturally. I’m not a social person to begin with so I feel happy with my small
group of people.
2)
I can find the qualities I want if only I
dedicate more time to the relationships that I have left die down over time
because my priorities were others.
New Empowering Belief:
I am not currently
interested in looking for new relationships because I feel that I already have
everything I desire in the people that I already know. I just have to nurture
this relationships to make them flourish to their full potential.
Action Step:
Friendship- See the
video that Z sent me. As a friend she would appreciate that.
Family- Help mom in
cleaning the house, willingly.
Proffesional- Talk
with J about each others novels and exchange ideas, critics, feedback.
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