This is part 1 of a 5-part series on Lunch Actually, a dating company in Asia, after trying out their service in 2012. Opinions expressed here are my own.
- Part 1: Joining Lunch Actually (Why I’m Joining a Dating Agency and My Upcoming Series on Arranged Dating)
- Part 2: Initial Consultation and Membership Enrollment
- Part 3: Going Through Image Coaching
- Part 4: The Date Process (And Conclusion of my Lunch Actually Review)
- Part 5: My Date Coaching Experience
Update 2015: It’s been a few years since I wrote this series and I’m returning to update it and wrap it up.
Summary: After joining Lunch Actually in 2012 (on a five-date package kindly sponsored by them), I went on four dates over a 10-month period. I didn’t meet someone compatible though it was an enriching experience.
I met my soulmate a few months later — he’s someone I already knew from university, and we got back in touch randomly one day — and we got married in May 2014. :)
After getting attached, I closed my account with Lunch Actually, and returned to update this review series with concluding thoughts. If you’re here to learn more about Lunch Actually, I share my experience enrolling and going through the dates. Hopefully it’ll give you an idea of what to expect and help you decide whether to sign up!
Separately, I’ve written many articles sharing tips on how to find your one. Check out my topics section, under “Love” category. :)
Hello everyone! :D Today’s announcement is sort of random (but not really too). I’ve been thinking of joining Lunch Actually, a premium matchmaking service that arranges one-to-one dates between compatible singles, and I’m intending to blog about my upcoming experience with them.
Interest in Lunch Actually
Some of you may remember Lunch Actually from the feature I did on my YouTube channel long ago in 2010; it was basically an interview I did with their CEO Violet Lim about dating tips for singles. Incidentally, she and her husband Jamie (who is the co-founder of LA) knew about me and had been following PE even before I approached them, which I thought was really cool!
During my interview, I got to know more about LA and thought it seemed like a great avenue to meet compatible people. However, I held off from doing anything about it as I was busy with other things then (namely growing my business), and dating wasn’t my priority.
It’s been two years since then and I think I’m now ready to give Lunch Actually a try. LA is present in several countries in Asia; since I’m in Singapore, I’ll be enrolling at their Singapore branch (also their head office if I’m not wrong).
Negative Stereotypes Towards Arranged Dating
Because I think arranged dating and being proactive about meeting people (especially in a romantic context) are quite frowned upon in some places including Singapore, I decided to openly blog about my experience to let everyone know that there’s nothing negative or embarrassing about going on arranged dates. Such a thinking is silly at best.
Case in point: I had already intended to join Lunch Actually and blog about my experience a few weeks back and briefly mentioned it to some people. The most common response I got was, “Why would you want to write about something like this?”, suggesting an undercurrent belief that joining a dating service was taboo, shameful, and perhaps even “desperate.” Which is really unfortunate!
The funny thing is, meeting compatible people is something that many singles think about (trust me, I know many singles and this is something we talk about all the time), but many shy away from taking action. I think this is ridiculous and a result of limiting beliefs. This further reinforces my desire to blog about my experience, because I don’t think there’s anything to be ashamed about! Also, I figure there are probably some who are curious about LA or arranged dating in general, so hopefully this series will give you guys some insights into that. :)
Why I’m Writing this Review
Prior to contacting Lunch Actually, I tried searching for “Lunch Actually reviews” on Google but found nothing helpful. In fact, I didn’t find anything! -_-” I did find a blog where the blogger talked about his (or her?) first and second dates, but there was no update after that.
My guess is that people who have tried the service are probably resistant towards talking about it, probably due to stigmas like being seen as a loser. Another reason is that some of these people may be busy managerial professionals who don’t frequent forums or write blog entries, which is supposedly LA’s target audience.
My plan is to write about my experience with LA at the key stages of their service, from consultation to enrollment, to date arrangement, culminating to my final review of their service. I’ll be writing this review in an authentic manner, like with all things on PE.
I will not be writing about the people I meet or anything considered proprietary to their company. The former is to protect the dates’ privacy, so I hope you can understand! Rather, I’ll focus on sharing the agency’s date arrangement process and my experience with it. I seek your help to respect others’ privacy by not asking me about them, thank you!
Don’t expect weekly posts about LA because it doesn’t work that way. Apparently they don’t send people on weekly dates — from what I understand, it can take anywhere from two weeks to a couple of months for someone to go on a date. This depends on your date criteria, the candidates they have in their database, and whether you match those candidates’ criteria. I’ll also not be going on “dates” right away until after about four to six weeks; according to them this is standard for new members.
By the way, none of this writeup is sponsored in any way. I’m paying for the service myself (or rather, I’m intending to pay for it, because I’ve not even signed up yet). I’ve already booked for a consultation with them later today (they offer free consultations) and will blog about how it goes later.
* Update, July 3, 2012: Lunch Actually kindly offered to sponsor my membership of a five-date package, but rest assured that this review will remain entirely objective as with everything I write on PE. My objective is to share my experience and provide a transparent account of what arranged dating can be like.
I was told that LA rejects people if they are not confident of finding good matches for them. I know someone who was rejected before as the agency didn’t feel that they would have the right matches for her. This makes sense since it’s a two-way process; if they enroll everyone but can’t get matches for them, it’ll only create a very bad customer experience in the end.
Opening Myself Up
Maybe you’re wondering why I’m joining LA. Is it to find love? To get into a relationship? What is it?
For the most part, I’m enrolling to open myself up to meeting new, compatible people. I’m not sure how their matching system works or how good it is, so to hope to find love through it will be a bit of a stretch. Moreover, I think dating takes time. It’ll be nice to meet your match right away, but often times it’s a discovery process for you and the other person too.
For the record, I’m not expecting to meet THE ONE from it—it’ll be nice if that happens—but I’m mainly doing this for the experience, to open myself up, and to see what unfolds. Yes I’m open to meeting a romantic partner, yes I’m open to being in a relationship, but I don’t know how possible it is to meet the right person in 3 or 5 dates. What I do know is that I haven’t tried such services before, that the idea of being set up on dates sounds fun and exciting, and I’m excited to see the kind of dates I get matched with.
If you’re hoping to enroll to meet your ONE, I’ll recommend that you reconsider. If you are short on money or it’s too expensive for you and you still want to sign up because you think that investing this money will bring you your soulmate, I’ll also recommend not signing up because it may well not happen. Dating is a process and it’s not realistic to expect to meet the right person in just 3, 5, or 10 dates. Chances are you will be disappointed and it’ll create a negative experience for yourself in the end.
Why Not Try Other Avenues of Meeting People?
Well, I’ve never tried Lunch Actually or such services before, so I think it’ll be fun to give it a shot. I’m always keen to try new experiences.
For the record, I’m already meeting a lot of people organically — through friends, business events, social events, etc. I do so simply because I love meeting people. I’ve come to realize from my Europe/U.S. travels that I’m very people-centered and I love making new connections. Not a surprise considering my life purpose is all about people! :)
Based on LA’s high pricing, I see that as a filter to remove casual daters*, because it suggests that the people who sign up with them are considerably serious in dating/ meeting someone. Plus I’m ready to meet my partner, so why not sign up for a service where others are on it to date? It’ll be interesting to see who I get matched with based on the consultants’ expertise!
*Update: After going on some dates and reading some members’ postings in online forums, I realized that this can go both ways. While there are serious singles who sign up for premium dating services because they really want to find “the one,” there are also guys who do so as a way to procrastinate on finding love (by having a service send them dates constantly, it gives them less reason to act), to “shop” around for dates, and to “check out” what it can offer. So ultimately it really depends on who you meet and get matched up with. The best is to approach it with an open heart and not make assumptions.
As for avenues like online dating, I’m open to them, just that it’s not a channel I’m using now.
Proceed to Part 2: Initial Consultation and Membership Enrollment
This is part 1 of a 5-part series on Lunch Actually, a dating company in Asia, after trying out their service in 2012. Opinions expressed here are my own.
- Part 1: Joining Lunch Actually (Why I’m Joining a Dating Agency and My Upcoming Series on Arranged Dating)
- Part 2: Initial Consultation and Membership Enrollment
- Part 3: Going Through Image Coaching
- Part 4: The Date Process (And Conclusion of my Lunch Actually Review)
- Part 5: My Date Coaching Experience
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Good luck Celes!
With a one month term per introduction, they would definitely want to make sure they find someone compatible. But agreed, it’s a good idea. There are a lot of singles out there, and if they don’t have anywhere specific to go where they can meet like minded people, it may be hard for them to find someone. And even when people do meet somewhere, like in a bar or at a gym, in those cases their shared interests may only be alcohol or fitness. At least a dating service will cover a lot more.
Oh, and do they have a vegan/vegetarian option? :)
Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of your male fans in Singapore decide to sign up at LA too, now they know you’re signing up. ;)
Hey Glenn, thank you! :D That’s sweet of you.
I’m not sure if they have a vegan/vegetarian option, though I’m sure they would be able to match based on that criteria. I’m personally open when it comes to dietary preferences though! I think the person is free to eat whatever he/she wants and I’m okay with if the person (guy) I’m with has other dietary preferences. (I think Lydia is not fully vegetarian, is she?)
Lol, that will be funny if they do. :D Though I have to add now that LA has actually offered to sponsor my entire membership package after the owners knew I was coming and signing up (I didn’t notify them previously and we sort of just casually talked about this in the past). We will be working out a special arrangement where I’ll be sharing about my experience and their other dating services (they do have other dating services other than LA) so it’ll be quite exciting!! All my reviews and write-ups will still be objective and transparent as always though, so if anyone is concerned that the write-ups will now be glossed over, don’t be!
Hi Celes, sorry about the slow reply. Yes, just curious if there was a veg option :) And no, Lydia’s not vegetarian. But she eats vegetarian most of the time she’s with me. Although having someone with that same lifestyle choice would be really nice! It can feel lonely at times being the only vegan, which is normally 95% of the time for me. So even though it’s not that important to you, it would make life easier further down the track. Just having that common bond.
It’s funny, when I became vegetarian it was when I was when out with a girl for a short time who was vegetarian. And eating out with her was great. All the food we ate we’d share. But things didn’t work out, I became vegan a bit over a year later, and last I checked she was eating I meat again.
Great to hear they’re sponsoring you too! You’ll want to be honest with your date/s though, and let them know that you’ll be writing about your experience with LA. But I’ll be interested to see how much you’ll be able to write about your experience without revealing too much about your date/s.
Hey Glenn! :D That’s good that things worked out well with you and Lydia (in terms of dietary arrangement). I found that the dietary preference hasn’t been important in terms of connection with someone else. (Just like how things worked out well with you and Lydia!) It’s definitely great when there’s a commonality in the dietary preferences, but the guys whom I shared romantic interests with in the past weren’t vegetarian or vegan.
Anyway, regarding honesty with dates, the agency with be informing them on their end before setting up the dates to check if they are okay with it. But in all honesty I wouldn’t think there would be an issue only because I’m not really going to write about them or the dates (like you rightly pointed out, it’d be tough to do so). I’m focusing on just sharing on the arranged dating/match making process for their service so those who are interested to sign up can get an insider’s view on how it’s done. I think it’ll also be pretty awkward if they were to check my site later (after we get to know each other) and read about themselves on the site (whether it’s positive or negative), so I think best is just not to write about the dates at all (except perhaps touching on them briefly).
I really relate to your experiment :) A couple years ago I decided to join the free dating site okcupid just to see what would happen and I ended up meeting a lot of great people through it. I didn’t find that because it was free it reduced the quality of the people who I spoke to at all. They were mostly highly educated phd students, respectable professionals and really lovely people that formed my highest “matches”. I’d highly recommend it for anyone looking to meet new people from the opposite gender with an opportunity for it to blossom into something more.
Regarding your experiences-to-come – I would love to read a post by you about why you want to date / why you want to find someone romantically (you say you like meeting new people – but a romantic relationship is something else entirely). I always think that ultimately for me it’s based on a misguided need to feel love / loved – whereas if you feel love within you already (for yourself and for others eg friends / family who you are affectionate with) – why do you need someone else to be in a romantic relationship with them? I’d be really interested to hear your take on it :)
*I forgot another reason people often give to date: “because I’m supposed to / it’s what people do” or “because my parents want grandchildren one day!”. In other words, to meet society’s expectations and norms.
Hey Elena! I did write about this in some detail in the article on finding love. It’s not 100% about why someone or I should want to date / find love, but there’s good coverage on the topic and what constitutes a healthy desire vs. non-healthy desire to be in a relationship. I don’t think that wanting to be in a romantic relationship has to do with lack of self-love, though I definitely agree with you there ARE people who want to be in a romantic relationship because they lack self-love (obviously this would be a fear-based desire and is not good at all as I covered in the finding love article). In the article, I also differentiated between fear-based desires and what constitutes a healthy desire.
At the end of the day I do see finding love and openness to being in a romantic relationship as a natural part of being human and forming bonds: I don’t think it’s negative, bad, unnatural, or out of place to want to be in a romantic relationship – it has its distinctive place in a person’s life. It’s like saying that if you have friends and a partner, why would you need a father or a mother? Or if you have father, mother, and a partner, why would you need friends? Or if you have a father and friends, why would you need a mother? Or if you have a partner, friends, and parents, why would you need to have a kid? It’s sort of a natural evolution of human growth and the human psyche. The relationships aren’t really comparable (apple-to-apple) in the end because each relationship brings a unique thing to the table and there is a place for each of them in our lives.
Hi Celes! Thank you for the reply and for pointing me in the direction of your finding love article (which I just read now and enjoyed very much) :) You make interesting points. I’m pretty clear on what unique things friendships offer to the table that parent-child relationships don’t (eg common interests which you may not share with family members, doing things together that are appropriate for your age); and on what mothers offer that fathers dont (eg maternal warmth, womanly sensitivity, role model for femininity), and on what fathers offer that mothers dont (eg masculine perspective, role model for masculinity), but I still feel a bit fuzzy on what a partner can offer that other close and loving relationships dont (apart from the physical stuff of course! :D). Sorry to go on about this – it’s just something that’s been confounding me for a while.
Hey Elena! :D No problem at all! I actually really love your question, and I’ve to be honest with you that I don’t have a precise answer for that.
Theoretically, it is true that whatever a romantic partner can provide (other than the physical aspects, but even then there’s always the notion of having friends with benefits) can be provided by a selection of very very close friends, but I definitely believe there’s more than meets the eye on this. I have never been in any serious relationships to make a definite comment on this, but I know in the times when I had romantic encounters with others, it opened up a different aspect of myself which was never accessed previously. It’s a definite connection that’s deeper and different than even a very close friendship I suspect. (Of course there are partners who never connect emotionally, but we’re talking about the ideal cases here.) I also think that if there is a thought or a desire to seek out a romantic partner, then the person should most definitely go for it vs. holding back! Everything else will unfold from there.
Also, another thing I think is important to consider here, is that rather than thinking about in terms of “Why is there a need for…?”, why not look at it as a “Why not?” situation? The former sort of assumes that there is no place for a romantic relationship in one’s life, whereas the latter approach embraces possibilities. To be very honest, I think it’s arguable that one doesn’t need a mother, father, or friends to have a functional life actually, in that a person can always learn to be self-sufficient in his/her own way (e.g. learn to give maternal care to him/herself, learn to give paternal care, learn to be sociable to him/herself), so if we are to really strip things down into the empirical, then no one needs any other person in his/her life. (Such an approach will of course, lead to a very enclosed personality.) But I think the exciting thing about life is embracing possibilities and fostering all kinds of connections that are out there, and from there we begin to expose ourselves to things about us and others we never knew were there. :)
I’m not sure if my response has helped in any way, but thanks a lot for your question though! It’s something which I’ve personally explored in the past and the above is what I’ve come to conclude. (In short, rather than thinking in terms of “Why?”, I now look at it as a “Why not?”. I definitely see having a romantic partner as a natural part of being human and being alive, also given that fundamentally humans and living beings naturally seek out partner/mates in life, be it for reproduction/survival of the species and the way the male/female genders are naturally different and hence complementary to each other.)
I really like your “why not” idea. Sometimes when we turn it around like that it can clear things up a lot.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply Celes! I found your response very helpful :) Big hugs!
this is such a great post and thing to do. i am a 30-something girl, and i realized, especially here in asia (in the philippines), this is frowned upon. but i think it is a good way to meet people, especially now that i am moving to a new place. any suggestions on how i can start this or take part in it, even if i am halfway around the world? thanks! and i love your page!
Hey marissa! :) How about online dating – have you tried that? I personally don’t like it because it’s “too accessible” to everyone so everyone including non-serious people join, i.e. there’s a lot of *weeding through the haystack*, so to speak. Of course, there’s the anonymity issue for myself due to the kind of work I do (I have a somewhat more public profile than a typical person would). But I think if you go for more premium, restrictive type of online dating sites, you might have a better experience there due to the “higher quality” candidates, so to speak!
Hey, Celes! I wish you the best of outcomes in your endeavor! I think your decision to blog about the process and your experience is great! You’ve long been an inspiration to many people, and your willingness to positively confront skepticism, obstacles, and cultural inhibitions is powerful.
I agree with you and Glenn. With a one-per-month cap on arranged lunches, they’re definitely looking to avoid the speed dating impression and focus on quality.
Andrew
Thanks for your kind and supportive words Andrew! It’s very nice of you and I appreciate it. :D
Best wishes on this journey. :clap: Good for you for stepping out and trying another avenue. I have a friend, about same age, educated. For our cultural background (similar to Asians), she expressed introductions from our particular cultural background (we actually do have a criteria that has survived generations here). I can help by introducing her to eligible men via their families. Since she has relocated to a large urban area, I can make that introduction — so I can making an effort for my community.
Hey Chris, that’s very nice of you to introduce her to eligible men in families. Most people don’t do that because their social circles are limited to begin with (i.e. they don’t know anyone eligible for others) or they are afraid to bear the brunt of responsibility with regards to the outcome of the matching (e.g. if it’s bad, and so on). But personally I love to try to match others up *if* I see some potential and one of them has expressed interest in finding someone else.
Hi Celes
I do agree that Lunch Actually and similar services are great to help people to “filter quickly” what are values and qualities that one is looking for in a partner, instead of going through the super-random-approach.
I think that LAs are an evolved version of arranged marriages, with an elements of short testing grounds aka 1 hour dates to get a feel if one should pursue further or not (as opposed to the arranged marriages where there is little talk between the marrying partners where parents do all the arrangement VERSUS the other extreme end of love marriages where people randomly look for love…in all the wrong places).
Should be fun and exciting! Enjoy yourself, be open, and see what happens! =D
Thanks for the positive words, Nigel! :D For me, I’m really just going into this with an open mind and seeing how the experience is. Like you said, it should be fun! And I definitely think it’s quite exciting since it’s an all-new experience for me. Will update my experience accordingly on the blog. :D
Sorry to be late to the party – your latest post about handling criticism led me to this post. I just wanted to say that this is a brilliant idea and you could inspire others to take the plunge with dating services. I have several single friends who struggle with meeting a suitable partner and it’s not because they are unattractive or lack social skills.
I think modern/urban life with a busy job tends to lead to a limited social life (not necessarily lacking in number of friendships) where you do not meet new people often enough to even have the opportunity to date available men or women, let alone partner up, and get into a serious relationship. So arranged dating could actually bridge the gap…though it holds such social stigma. Even couples who have met that way refuse to admit how they met on their wedding day (!!!)…
On another note, I’ve actually interviewed Violet from LA in my past life as a magazine journalist and even till this day, her work and personality have left an excellent impression on me and I’m not surprised her business is still around. She’s very passionate about what she does and her idea of a discreet high end dating service would help weed out casual daters. Good luck and I look forward to reading about your experience with LA :)
I want to just chime in here because I tried Lunch Actually and found the service to be very unprofessional and poorly managed. I am doubtful of their ability to actually match people considering they can’t even figure out how to manage perceived risks in their clients. After a number of emails, coordinating schedules to arrange an interview with Lunch Actually, and then subsequently going to an hour interview during the workday over lunch time, the interviewer then leaves to go search their database for matches. She returns after 5-10 minutes and says, I found lots of matches, but by the way, do you have a Hong Kong ID card. I explain that I started a company here recently, have been in Asia for 5 years, but probably won’t be able to get an ID card for 6 months. She says, I’m sorry, we can’t work with you. Why? Because we require people to have ID cards.
Uhhh….A) why wasn’t that your first question when I emailed two weeks prior? B) Why wasn’t that your first question when I came in here for an interview? C) After I just revealed my inner most wishes to a complete stranger, why can you not answer one question in an honest way about what are your true reasons for requiring a HK ID card? D) If you’re trying to protect from the “he doesn’t want to settle down in HK” risk, but what you said is true that many of your female applicants are open to dating foreign males, don’t you think they are open to eventually leaving HK as well?
I’ve seen people come up with risk mitigating solutions to very complicated problems. This is a simple problem with many simple solutions. Since Lunch Actually is unlikely to figure them out, I suggest using a different service. Any other service.
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