How To Overcome Perfectionism: A Complete Guide

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This is part 3 of a 3-part series on the downsides of perfectionism and how to turn perfectionism into a positive force in your life.

• Part 1: 10 Signs You Are a Perfectionist
• Part 2: 6 Hidden Downsides of Perfectionism
• Part 3: How To Overcome Perfectionism: A Complete Guide

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So far in part 1, I shared 10 signs that you are a perfectionist. In part 2, I shared 6 hidden downsides of perfectionism, including diminished productivity, procrastination, lower self-esteem, and impaired relationships with others.

As I shared in part 1, I used to be a neurotic perfectionist. While being a perfectionist helped me achieve results in my goals, it had its negative downsides. I would spend excessive time perfecting things, focus on little details that took time away from other things, and add weight to my relationships because of my high expectations.

Over time, I learned to tackle neurotic perfectionism and channel my high standards and drive in a positive way. How do you maximize the benefits of perfectionism and limit its negatives? How do you prevent perfectionism from negatively affecting you? Here are 8 steps to tackle perfectionism and turn it into a positive force in your life.

1) Remove the all-or-nothing mindset

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A perfectionist tends to have black-and-white thinking (i.e., all-or-nothing mindset), where they see things in extremes. If things did not happen perfectly, they would label it as a disaster. But such thinking is terminalistic as any progress is dismissed just because the outcome didn’t match their definition of success.

For example:

• A perfectionist trainer who made a mistake: “I can’t believe I fumbled in my presentation just now. It was a disaster.”
• A perfectionist student who couldn’t answer a question: “I did so badly on my paper today. I’m a failure.”

Remove your black-and-white lens and stop seeing things in extremes. Recognize that there are many outcomes between 100% success and 100% failure — just because something isn’t a total success doesn’t mean it’s a total failure. It could be a 30%, 50%, or 80% success, and that isn’t a total disaster, far from it.

So with a perfectionistic trainer, it may look like this: “I fumbled over part of my presentation, but the rest went well and the attendees were very engaged. I did a great job! I’ll rehearse next time for a smoother presentation.”

Or with a perfectionist student: “I didn’t know how to do question 10 but I could answer the 19 other questions, which is a worthy accomplishment. I will step up my revision and do more test papers next time.”

See things in perspective and recognize the middle ground. Identify the parts you did well and give yourself credit for them. Work on the parts that didn’t go so well. Even if 0% of things went to plan, that’s still progress because now you know what doesn’t work. Success happens in steps, and just because things didn’t happen 100% to plan doesn’t mean that you aren’t progressing in some way. Identify the lessons you have learned and use them to help you next time.

2) Aim for good enough

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Achieving perfection is a long and elaborate process — as I shared in part 2, it takes an astonishing amount of effort (80% of input) to perfect the last 20% of a task. While you can achieve perfection when managing just 1-2 tasks, sure, it’s arduous when you have many other things on your task list.

By the 80/20 principle, 20% of input leads to 80% of output

To achieve perfection, you need to spend 80% time and effort to perfect the last 20% of a task

Instead of trying to perfect everything, adjust your standards and aim for good enough. This means:

• When working on a task, aim to achieve the key objectives, deliver good-quality work, and call it a day.
• Go for the 80/20 — achieve the essential 80% output with 20% of effort.
• Draw a cutoff when you reach diminishing returns, which is the point when the value of pushing on decreases rapidly.
• Understand that whatever you can do now is the best version given the time limit. If your work contributes to the overall goal, then that’s a worthy accomplishment. 👍

The exception is if you are working on an important goal with very high stakes, in which case perfection is the goal. For all other tasks, aim for good enough.

Know that there is an opportunity cost with achieving perfection. When you are constantly fussing over little, unimportant details, you have less time for other things on your list. There are also diminishing returns from over-optimizing a task. Be less perfect in the less important things so that you can focus on your most important goals and tasks.

3) Focus on progress, not perfection

No one starts off as an expert — everyone grows in expertise with time/effort

As I shared in part 2, perfectionism can often lead to procrastination. Perfectionists often have extreme expectations of a goal, and it causes stress and overwhelm — to the point that they procrastinate to avoid making mistakes.

Here you want to shift your focus to achieve progress, not perfection. Remember that everyone starts from somewhere — no one starts off as an expert.

This means rather than try to create a masterpiece right off the bat, aim to create a basic first draft. Rather than try to execute something perfectly, take an imperfect first step so that you can learn and improve. Break your goal down into a simple first step that you can work on right away. Improve as you go along.

For example:

• Writing: A perfectionist writer tries to write a perfect manuscript from scratch. Break it down → Write a simple first draft. Then improve on it.
• Organizing: A perfectionist wants to tidy their room but keeps putting it off. Break it down → Tidy a small section of the room first.
• Exercise: A perfectionist fitness goer aims to run 5 miles (8km) but skips their exercise sessions repeatedly as the target is too overwhelming. Break it down → Aim for 0.5 miles (800m) or even 0.1 miles (160m). Build it up from there.
• Video production: A perfectionist content creator wants to get high-end video equipment and the best editing software before working on their video channel. Break it down → Use a phone camera and a free editing app first to get things going, and then improve as they go along.

Focus on progress and take imperfect action, which will give you immediate feedback on what works and what doesn’t work. The goal is to learn, iterate, and improve as you grow from beginner to expert. This will help you achieve your end goal in the fastest way — not by being hung up on a perfect vision and doing nothing in the meantime.

4) Set a cutoff for your tasks

The pursuit of perfection can be endless as a perfectionist keeps meandering in their task, trying to optimize everything. Set healthy boundaries for your tasks.

• Set a time limit. Set a reasonable time limit on when you should complete a task. This is important as tasks can technically take forever for a perfectionist if there is no time limit. By setting a duration, it reminds you when you’ve reached your allotted limit, and to speed up rather than waste more time on it.
• Create a checklist. Have a set of checkpoints and concrete deliverables to guide you on what to accomplish. For example, with creating a report, you may want to create an outline, type up the content, remove spelling errors, and clean up the formatting. Once the list is done, it’s done — don’t stray and get distracted by other things.

5) Challenge your need for perfection

For a perfectionist and their sharp eyes and meticulousness, there is always something to improve, something to tweak. If you find yourself second-guessing your work even though it is good enough, ask yourself, “Is it necessary to tweak this further? What’s the worst thing that could happen if it’s not perfect? Am I being productive here?”

Often the consequence is much less severe than you imagine, and you are just seeking perfection because of your own task maximization habit. Refer to Step 2 on aiming for good enough. Remember that there are diminishing returns and opportunity costs that come from micro-optimization.

It also helps to talk to someone about it, such as a colleague, manager, or friend. Get their perspective — are you being justified in your concerns, or are you being overly harsh on your work? Break out of the perfectionistic mind trap: it is easy to think that you need to do a litany of steps to complete a piece of work. But talking to someone, you may realize that the piece of work you are editing is already good enough and only needs 10 minutes of touch-up and not hours of work.

6) Understand the source of your perfectionism

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While I used to think that my neurotic perfectionism was just what it was, when I dug into it, I realized that my childhood and upbringing played a huge, if not formative, role in it.

In part 1, I shared that when I was a kid, I was in a primary school with strict, dogmatic rules about everything. These rules ranged from our hairstyles to attire to behavior. We could only wear hair ties and watches of a single color (black, blue, grey, or white). We were only permitted to wear our hair in a low ponytail, with no strand of hair touching our face. We were not allowed to speak in school at all, only when permitted to during class. Etc. 

In terms of studies, we were taught to aim for the perfect score (100/100), and made to feel inadequate when we didn’t. We were punished and made to slap ourselves every time we made a careless mistake. If we didn’t bring our books or finish homework for a class, we had to stand in the hallway and miss the entire class. Etc.

Any student who didn’t follow these rules would be shamed, berated, and punished in front of others. Boys would be subjected to caning.

It was the same when I was growing up as a kid in the traditional Chinese culture, where children are treated as lesser beings with no rights of their own. I was raised to be a quiet, obedient, and mindless child, to follow directives. Greet adults at all times. Do not talk back. Keep quiet unless you are spoken to. Etc. My mom in particular denied me from speaking as a child and would micromanage what I should say in the few times I was allowed to talk.

Then at a societal level in Singapore, there was an extreme fixation on achieving extrinsic success. (There still is today, but to a much lesser extent.) There was only one path in life: to achieve straight As, get a top job, earn lots of money, and buy a nice house and car. Failing which you would be seen as a failure and worthless person.

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Growing up in such a strict, oppressive, judgmental, and intolerant environment led me to be extremely meticulous about everything. It became like a fight-or-flight mechanism, to behave as instructed to avoid being heavily punished and having our sense of self-worth marred and destroyed.

The underlying basis of the culture, whether at the school or societal level, was, “A person is worthless unless they are academically and financially successful and can do as they are told.” So that was the belief I took away, that “I’m not good enough unless I’m highly accomplished and can do things perfectly.” It became an inherent habit to do things perfectly as part of my self-worth.

Yet is it true though? No, not at all. Following these rules did not determine my worth — only whether I could follow a long list of rules made by an authority figure. Many of these rules weren’t about helping us be better people too, but to create conformity.

As for extrinsic successes, it is great to achieve them, but a person’s worth isn’t determined by them. We are all worthy by virtue of our existence, by being here on Earth.

By understanding the source of my neurotic perfectionism, it has helped me understand that it’s okay not to be perfect all the time. That my need for perfection was due to my childhood story, where there was unnatural and toxic shaming and punishment for not doing tiny little things perfectly. (These things turned out to be inconsequential, with no bearing on my life.)

It has helped me recognize that my childhood upbringing was not okay or normal, and that children should never have been treated in this way (especially as I look at the situation as a mom today).

Finally, it has helped me see each situation as it is and to disconnect my past from the present. To evaluate each circumstance as it is and not mindlessly aim for perfection all the time, which is a drain on my time, energy, and mindspace.

To You

Maybe you think you’ve always been a perfectionist. But dig into it. When did your perfectionism first start? What happened to make you this way? What beliefs did you form from this experience? Are they true?

Understand, challenge, and correct these beliefs. Some examples of perfectionistic beliefs before and after correcting them:

• “I need to be perfect in everything I do to be considered worthy.” → “I am worthy, independent of my accomplishments. My worth is not linked to my success or accomplishments.”
• “If I make a mistake, it means I’m a failure.” → “Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t mean I am a failure. It’s more important that I learn and improve from them.”
• “If I don’t do things perfectly, it means I’m incompetent.” → “There are time and situational constraints and it is not realistic to do everything perfectly all the time. Focus on progress rather than perfection.”

(For those of you who have Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program, refer to Day 22: Examine Your Beliefs for my 3-step framework to rewrite limiting beliefs.)

7) Love yourself

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As a perfectionist, it’s easy to fixate on your goals and forget about yourself. The goal is all that matters and you just want to achieve the prize at the end.

But there is one person amidst it all — you. You are the most important person in the equation. If you are not working on your goals, then how can they be accomplished? If you are not around, then who is able to get everything done?

Don’t ignore and neglect yourself. Perhaps the biggest fault a perfectionist commits is self-neglect and self-abuse, because they prioritize their goals over everything else and forget their needs in the process. Bring yourself into focus and put yourself first.

• Prioritize your self-care. Set aside time for yourself while pursuing your goals. As you work toward them, pace yourself. Take breaks, rest, do things that you like, and fill up your tank. It will help you sharpen your saw and walk the longer road ahead.
• Watch the self-blame. Is there something you are beating yourself up for? A mistake from the past? Understand that you did your best with what you had then. Everyone makes mistakes and it is not your fault. Forgive yourself. Focus on what you can do now instead.
• Celebrate your progress. A perfectionist tends to focus on things that are lacking, that are not there yet. But this can lead to an over-focus on mistakes and errors, and a neglect of progress and achievements. Take some time to acknowledge what you have done and achieved. Celebrate your progress thus far, and use that to inspire you to grow and evolve. Read Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program, Day 13: Reflect on Your Life
  

  

• Switch to positive self-talk. Do you tend to berate and blame yourself when things go wrong? Can you change your self-talk to be kinder? For example:
  • “I’m not good enough.” Switch it to “I am enough. I am worthy and have my unique strengths.”
  • “Everyone is doing so well. I feel like a failure.” Switch it to “Everyone has their own path in life. I am on my own path and I am making progress.“
  • “I keep making mistakes. I’m not good at anything.” Switch it to “Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone starts from somewhere. Focus on learning from my mistakes and get better.”
  • I have created a set of affirmation wallpapers that you can use: 15 Beautiful Wallpapers With Positive Affirmations

8) Don’t subject others to the same standards

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In part 2, I shared that a perfectionist often ends up straining their relationships with others due to their immensely high and unwavering standards.

As you manage your perfectionism with this guide, apply Steps 1-3 and 6-7 to your relationships as well. In addition, don’t subject others to the same standards. Recognize that everyone is unique. Drop your expectations of others, and learn to deal with others at their own pace.

Why? If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will be boxed in by your expectations and spend the rest of its life thinking it is stupid (a quote often attributed to Einstein). Think of others as a fish, bird, squirrel, beaver, etc. — each with their own unique skills and talents, each with their own development path. They can be your friends, family members, or colleagues. Everyone excels in their own way and it may not be the same as yours. Be kind to them. Recognize their unique strengths and capabilities, and let them grow into the people they are meant to be.

Know that when you subject others to stiff and impossible standards, it causes constant stress and negativity as they try to live up to these standards but fail. It makes them feel bad about themselves and doesn’t help them be the best they can be.

Example: Perfectionist partner

• Perhaps a perfectionist wife may think of her partner, “He didn’t clean the kitchen sink again. He is always missing things.” This is negative and reproachful.
• Here’s a better way to think about things: “He helps out with housework even though he is busy with work. He is doing his part for the family. I will thank him later and clean the kitchen sink myself.”

Example: Perfectionist parent

• A perfectionist parent may think of their child, “He is making so many mistakes even though we have revised the topic before. He is going to fail at this rate.” This is cynical and dismisses the child’s potential and effort.
• Here’s a better way to think about this: “I can see that he is making the effort. He got half the questions right and this means he understands some concepts. I will engage a tutor to help him with his upcoming exam. Don’t pressurize him. What’s most important is that he tries his best.”

End Note

This marks the end of the perfectionism series and I hope you’ve found it useful. :) How has perfectionism affected you in your life? How can you apply the steps above? Let me know in the comments section. :)

Quick Note: After months of work, I’m excited to share that the 2025 edition of Live a Better Life in 30 Days (30DLBL) is now out! 30DLBL is my 30-day program to live a better life and it’s a great tool to do a life audit, set goals, and move your life to a new trajectory.

I did 30DLBL recently and it was great in helping me get clarity and create a roadmap for 2025 and beyond. Read about 30DLBL here, or if you are a past buyer, learn how to get access here! Any questions? Let me know here.

This is part 3 of a 3-part series on the downsides of perfectionism and how to turn perfectionism into a positive force in your life.

• Part 1: 10 Signs You Are a Perfectionist
• Part 2: 6 Hidden Downsides of Perfectionism
• Part 3: How To Overcome Perfectionism: A Complete Guide