Let me tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before.
From 2003 up until a couple of months ago, I had been donning a fringe. Throughout the entire 10 years, I had never grown my fringe beyond eye level. Whenever it grew that long, I would have it trimmed.
My Pictures (2005 Through 2012)
Case in point: My pictures from years 2005 through 2012, below:
2005: While I was interning in my previous company (P&G)
2006: At my commencement (graduation) dinner (I graduated from NUS)
2007: With my high school friends at Botanic Gardens
2008: At my (24th) birthday celebration.
2008: In Tagaytay, Philippines, for my ex-manager’s wedding
2009: At my ex-colleague’s and good friend’s wedding.
2010: Me in one of the many workshops I conducted with JobsCentral (a leading jobs portal in South East Asia)
2010: My live interview on Channel News Asia, BlogTV segment (with hosts Divian and Flying Dutchman, on the right)
2011: In Holland, with my Dutch friends
2012: Countdown to New Year’s Day at the Brooklyn Bridge (at New York City)
Insecurity Surrounding Parts of My Face
Well, I never told anyone this, but the reason why I had a fringe for all of these 10 years, up till recently, was because I was afraid to let others see my forehead.
You see, I used to be insecure about my forehead. Fairly Very insecure.
Apparently I have a broad forehead relative to some and broad foreheads are supposedly not a standard of beauty. Back when I was a kid, some of the kids in school would mock me about it. Some even teased me about having a big head.
While we’re on the topic of looks and mockery, one guy from my junior college class once (actually twice I think) mocked me in front of other classmates, saying I had alien ears. The encounters left me feeling inferior and unsure about myself/ my ears; I began to think of my ears as “problem issues” too, even though there was nothing wrong with them.
I didn’t realize it back then, but what I had experienced was bullying, an issue that is starting to get the attention of society and mainstream media. However, back in those days, especially in my country, there was virtually no attention given to the topic of bullying. I never knew I was being bullied; neither did I know that this was ill conduct and that the folks who did that shouldn’t have done it.
I grew up feeling insecure about these parts of my face.
Attempt To Cover Up My Insecurities
Up until that point, I always had short hair, largely because my mom had a mandate that I had to have short hair. (More on this in my femininity series.)
When I went into university, I decided to grow out my hair and get a fringe. By growing out my hair, it would cover my ears, which would make them less obvious. Having a fringe would cover up my forehead and make my face look smaller. By covering up the parts of my face which I was insecure about, I would feel more confident and secure about my appearance.
For the most part, it really did make me feel more confident about myself. I never thought of myself as ugly; I was only insecure about those particular parts of my face since they were the subjects of mockery when I was young. In fact, I often received compliments about my appearance and physical looks from others, namely that I was cute and/or pretty. Getting hit on or picked up by guys is also something I’m not unfamiliar with.
So with this move, I thought, Problem solved.
Uh, yeah right.
The “Problem”
I guess the question here is, “What exactly was the problem?”
For there were never any problems with my forehead, my head, my ears, or any of my facial features or parts of my body—at all. I had thought that my forehead / head / ears were problem areas because I was teased about them when I was younger, but were they really?
The Real Problem
You see, the problem wasn’t my forehead, head, ears, or even hairstyle. Neither was the problem anything related to my face, body, or appearance.
The problem was that I thought they were problem areas.
The reason why those kids had teased me about my forehead or ears was because those features didn’t match up to their perception of beauty or human anatomy. In their minds, they had a perception (albeit a narrow perception) of how high or low foreheads should be, how big or small heads should be, or how ears should look. This narrow perception was likely shaped by media and society. My forehead/ears just didn’t fit with their perception. That was all.
So when the kids saw them, they could only react as how kids with undeveloped EQ and social skills would—by mocking, teasing, insulting, and laughing.
Did this mean that there was a problem with my said features? Nope. It only meant that those kids (a) lacked proper social skills, and (b) had a one-track perception of how human anatomy should be or what beauty should look like.
By thinking that there was something wrong with me or my facial features, I became sucked into a lie which would torment me for the next 10 years. I would often think of ways to correct or “fix” those features, even though there was nothing wrong with them. I would feel insecure, anguished, or even ashamed of them, even though there was nothing to be ashamed about. Whenever I looked into the mirror, I would think about the “gap” between my present look and my ideal look, even though I was perfect the way I was.
Two Things That Made Me Rethink My Perception of Beauty
During my seven-month travel around Europe and U.S. in 2011, I met many different people of different nationalities, ethnicities, and cultures. There were two things that made me rethink my notion of beauty, which, up till then, had remained unchallenged.
The first thing was the magnitude to which the people’s appearances deviated from the standard image of beauty I had been conditioned with, living in Asia.
My image of beauty for females up till that point was this: stick skinny; large dolly eyes; fair, clear and porcelain skin; a sharp face with angular features; and long, flowy hair. You’d find this consistent with the image of beauty many Asians have.
Yet, deviations from this image were aplenty among the many people I saw. The deviations ranged from very pale, tanned, dark, to incredibly dark skin; to freckles; to varying body shapes; to different body frames; to facial features which were fundamentally different from what would be considered beautiful in Asia.
Not my friends, but to give you an idea of the diversity of looks among different races.
These deviations did not make them ugly though. While the different people I saw did not strike me as attractive in the beginning, after a while, I began to see the beauty in their unique features and body shapes. At one point, I even began to see each of them as beautiful in his/her own right.
It would seem that the one-dimensional image of beauty that had previously been firmly embedded in my mind had begun to blur, much to my surprise.
The second thing was my exposure to alternate perceptions of beauty.
I realized that different cultures can have dramatically different views of what’s beautiful and what’s not. At times, these views even contradict each other.
As a simple example: In the west, some people aspire to have tanned skin. There are even tanning salons where people can get tanned artificially. My Brit friends told me that being tanned means that you are healthy, sporty, and have a well-rounded social life. On the other hand, being pale or fair means that you rarely get out in the sun and you have “no life.” It is seen as being “uncool.”
However, in Asia, people, especially females, want to be fair. The whitening market is huge, with whitening products dominating the skincare market. Pretty much all celebrities in Asia have fair skin. Fair skin is associated with beauty, prestige, purity, and royalty, as the royalty in ancient china used to have fair skin. Dark or tanned skin is seen as unattractive for females.
Then, there are the different images of beauty in each country. In Holland, I don’t know what the typical image of beauty is for a female, but I would imagine it’s closer to the genetic look of a Dutch (blonde hair, blue eyes, light skin), than say, an Aryan. In California, I’ve been told that people regard a skinny blonde with big boobs, nice butt, a narrow and sharp nose, and tanned skin as the ideal image of beauty.
The interesting thing is that these alternate perceptions of beauty are no more “right” or “wrong” than another. They are simply different.
Being exposed to such views opened my mind about the notion of beauty. I realized that much of what people perceive as “beauty” today is merely a subjective opinion, shaped by childhood experiences, societal perception and media conditioning—nothing more, nothing less. There are probably a million different perceptions of beauty out there, and there’s really no one “right” or “wrong” perception in that list. They are all just perceptions at the end of the day.
Recognizing Beauty That Has Been There All Along
So after I got back from my travel, I worked on creating my identity separate from work, relationships, etc. (This is unrelated to the revelations I shared above.) Outsourcing, automating, spending more time outside of work, pursuing non-work-related goals, following my intuition, etc. were some of the things I did.
(Check out: Are You Putting Any Parts of Your Life On Hold?)
As I did these, I began to gradually come into my own. I began to see myself more as myself, rather than what I have in my life or the goals and visions which I want to achieve in the future. Subsequently, this shift also happened in the area of physical image.
Past Fixations with Physical “Issues”
Whenever I looked into the mirror in the past, I would spot “imperfections”—things about my body which did not look the way I wanted them to. I would fixate myself on these “issues” and think about how I could “fix” them or cover them up.
However, as I came into my own, I subsequently let go of my attachment to future visions and instead learned to embrace my present self. This isn’t to say that I stopped setting goals or visions; what I mean is that instead of attaching my identity to my visions (which I used to), I began to use them as intentions to inspire me and guide me forward (which should have been the way all along).
This same thing happened in the area of physical image. As I stopped attaching my identity to expectations of what I want to be or what I want to achieve, I also stopped attaching myself to an ideal image of how I want to look. I began to embrace my current body and features for what they are.
A Change in My Reflection
I was surprised by what I began to see in the mirror. As I looked into the mirror every day, I increasingly noticed the beauty of my body—my body, my complexion, my hair type, my forehead, my eyes, my nose, my cheekbones, my ears, my lips, my face shape, my skin, to the rest of my facial features.
Gone were the days where I would groan at the mirror or anguish over a certain facial feature or body part that didn’t look the way I wanted it to look. Gone were the thoughts that would beat myself down.
Every day, my reflection appeared more and more beautiful, even though I did not do anything to change my body and looks outside of my usual routine (exercise, eat well, etc.). It was as if the beauty had been there all along but I had not been able to see it because I had been too blind sided by my mental projections.
I realized that I had been too busy trying to measure my body and my looks against a certain image and trying to spot the “gaps” between them, to the point where I became blinded by the beauty that has been there all along.
It was then that I realized my body and facial features have been all along been perfect the way they are, and it has taken me 28 years of my existence to finally recognize that. And I’m glad I’ve finally broken out of my warped vision and embraced the beauty that is there.
Stop Feeling Inferior About Your Looks
Looking back, there were two things that had prevented me from recognizing my beauty (that has already been there all along):
- My staunch image of beauty which also happened to be one-dimensional, i.e. big eyes, complexion of X color, certain facial features, certain hair length, etc. This image was ingrained in me since young, by way of media conditioning, societal conditioning, and personal experiences.
- Constantly measuring my looks against that image when it is no more than just a perception; a projection by the media/society; an impression that others have.
Being exposed to alternate perceptions of beauty while I was traveling helped me release my mental notion of beauty. Subsequently, embracing my individuality and my present self for who I am today made me recognize the beauty that has been there all along.
If you have felt inferior about your looks before; if there are parts of your face or body which you are ashamed of; if you have thought negatively about your physical appearance, body, or face before, there are three things I would like to say to you today.
1. You are already beautiful the way you are
Maybe in your mind, you have a certain image of beauty. Maybe beauty to you is having a high nose bridge, a sharp chin, a small waist, and nice curves. Maybe beauty to you is having a small nose, pouty lips, large eyes, double eyelids, a V-shape face, and fair skin. Maybe beauty to you is having dark, chocolate-colored skin; dark-colored eyes; long eyelashes; and long, straight, iron-clamped hair.
This image of beauty was conditioned in you since you were young. And there is no more truth behind this image compared any other belief you have, say, “chocolates are tasty,” “flowers are yellow,” or “the grass is green.”
I’m not saying that the image you have is false. What I’m trying to say here is that the image you have is narrow.
Yes, that image you have in your mind of beauty is beauty. But so are zillions of other images in the world. And guess what? None of them is more beautiful or less beautiful than another. They are all beautiful in their own individual right, on their own scale that is comparable to none.
(Read: Why You Should Stop Comparing Yourself With Others (And 3 Steps To Do So))
The fact is that everything around us is beauty. You are beauty. I am beauty. The world is beauty. Everything, everyone, around us is beauty, given form and life by whoever or whatever created it.
The reason why you can’t recognize this is because you’re too busy trying to hold on to your one-track definition of beauty. Wherever you go, you narrowly zoom down to the things that match that image, because that is the definition of beauty you have in your mind. Unfortunately, this has prevented you from seeing the beauty, the glorious beauty, that lies everywhere else. That has prevented you from seeing the beauty that is in YOU.
I used to be just like you. Rigidly holding on to a one-dimensional definition of beauty and measuring myself against that. Traveling and being exposed to different perceptions of beauty and people of different colors, ethnicities, and descents has made me realize that beauty lies everywhere. There is beauty in everything.
The image I had held on to before was nothing more than a narrow sliver of what beauty really is. By releasing this narrow mental notion, I finally recognize the beauty that exists everywhere, in everyone and everything, today.
2. Your beauty does not come from conforming to a certain image
Many people have a notion of beauty built in their minds since young. They make it a personal quest to attain that image of beauty for a good part of their lives.
In the times they achieve that image, be it via losing weight, wearing certain makeup, wearing certain clothes, getting their teeth fixed, or even plastic surgery for some, they become very proud of themselves. They regard themselves as beautiful and beam in confidence about their looks.
In the times they don’t achieve that image, they become self-conscious. They are afraid to face other people, go out, or even take pictures or videos.
I believe most of us have acted that way at some point. I used to be like that in the past.
My revelations in the area of beauty have made me realize that beauty isn’t about conforming to an image. Given that beauty is already in all of us (see Point #1), true beauty is about being comfortable in your skin, embracing who you are, and radiating through the physical body you have been blessed with by the world/creator/God/etc (depending on your beliefs).
The most striking example I can give is how I can meet people who are extremely well-dressed and done up, but still feel that they are unattractive. Why? Because they are extremely insecure about themselves, and it shows. They are nothing more than slaves to their looks, always hung up about presenting a certain physical image or look and terrified of looking “lesser” than that.
On the other hand, there are people who do not have conventional good looks who appear very attractive. They are comfortable in their own skin, they know themselves, they are happy with life, and they radiate in their own light. They take care in improving their physical appearances and in dressing well, but these are not what make them attractive—their confidence, warmth, and souls are.
If there’s a part of you that thinks of yourself as unattractive, ugly, or unbeautiful, that’s the part of you that’s making you unattractive, ugly, or unbeautiful, because there’s nothing more unattractive than an unconfident person. Yes, work on improving your physique, your looks, your personal grooming, and your etiquette, but don’t forget about your confidence. A confident person will always appear many times more attractive than someone who is conventionally attractive but unconfident.
Read: How To Be The Most Confident Person In The World
3. Work on being yourself
I always believe that our insecurities about certain areas of our lives stem from insecurities about our own identities as humans. The goes the same to insecurities about physical appearances.
As you work on embracing your beauty (Point #1) and on your confidence (Point #2), work on coming into your own. This means discovering who you are, what you want to be, and your place in this world—independent of your career, your relationships, or any area of the life wheel.
Who are you? What makes you, you? What is your reason for being? What inspires you? And what do you live for?
These were the very questions I thought about and answered in the past few months. I had already discovered my values and my purpose statement way back (Live a Better Life in 30 Days covers this on Days 15 and 16), so this was a revisit to age-old questions.
I realized the past me had defined myself based on my career and accomplishments, and while I was doing well in them, it was time to create my identity as me, independent of other things in life. I re-clarified on my purpose statement, stuck with the same values (Excellence, Love, Truth), set new traits for my ideal self (self-assured, joyous, present, full of love, and understanding), and re-clarified my priorities in my life.
In doing so, I became clear of my center in the world and where different things stand in my life. I also became clear about who I am and what I stand for. Doing so made me see me as truly me, and not an object or person to be molded to fit others’ or societal expectations.
Subsequently, I began to recognize my physical body and features as what they are, rather than something I should force fit to match certain societal definitions of beauty. This helped me recognize the beauty that has already been there all along, which I have since embraced.
My article Finding Your Inner Self will be a great place to start.
Final Words
I hope you have found this piece useful. It took me 28 years to come to the realizations I’ve shared above and I’ve shared them here, hoping that they will help you realize that you are already truly beautiful as yourself.
For me, I’m indifferent about covering up my forehead today, so I have since grown out my fringe. :) Here is a picture of me with my husband on our wedding day, May 25, 2014. :)
More photos of me without my fringe can be found in my engagement photoshoot and my wedding series.
Where physical appearance is concerned, I continue to improve my appearance, such as working out, eating well, dressing well, and using preservative-free skincare products, but I no longer do them because I feel ugly or to correct “imperfections” or to “match up” to a certain mental image of beauty.
Rather, I do them because I honor myself, I like how I look at the present, and I want to look even better. It’s part of improving upon what I have/like vs. trying to get rid of what I dislike, with the latter being a bigger motivator in the past.
Update: I think some readers took away the message of this article as “inner beauty is more important than outer beauty.”
While that is in fact part of what I’m driving (see Point #2), the bigger point I’m trying to say is that whatever looks you have now is ALREADY BEAUTIFUL, and it is NOT LESS OR MORE beautiful than another’s looks (see Point #1). YOU ARE ALREADY BEAUTIFUL AS YOURSELF NOW, FULL STOP. You, looking just the way you are now, are BEAUTIFUL as ANY magazine model or celebrity icon. Beauty comes in all forms, shapes, sizes, colors, and ages, not just the one-track definition that the media keeps projecting in our faces. Do read Point #1 again for what I have to say on this.
If you know anyone who has a poor self-image or who does not think of him/herself as beautiful or good looking, please refer him/her to this article. Bookmark the article for yourself too and refer to it should you ever feel less than 10/10 beautiful/handsome. Because you are already 10/10 beautiful/handsome as yourself, the way you are. ❤️
Be sure to check out:
- How To Love Your Body (series)
- How I Found My Place as a Female in Today’s World (series)
- Affirmation Challenge Day 14 [Self-Image]: “I’m perfect as myself.”
- Is there an ideal beauty? This lady gets her face photoshopped in over 25 countries to find out
- Why I Used To Hate My Feet – The Stigma Against Women with Big Feet
(Images: People, Mirror, Girl, Photos © Personal Excellence)
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As a child, I gained some weight during the 3rd and 4th grades in primary school. Also, I have a hormonal issue (which I’m treating at the moment) so I was pretty hairy compared to other girls who had little to no hair on their arms for example. These two things caused me a lot of pain (psychologically speaking) because I was constantly bullied because of them. Growing up like this, I came out as a timid, very self-conscious teenager. However, the timidity part never showed through since I am a talkative person, friendly and open towards others.
Even today I feel self-conscious about my body although I’ve lost the excess weight and being around (what I perceive to be) good-looking people makes me nervous – my mood can change in a spark if I feel threatened by the possibility of being compared with someone else and to come out of this comparison less attractive/pretty/interesting.
I’ve been working hard on accepting myself the way I am and slowly but surely I’m taking steps towards the right direction. Even though I still feel intimidated by certain persons, I no longer look at myself and say “You’re missing something” or “You’re not beautiful because X and Y reasons”. Just like you said, Celes, accepting yourself just the way you are and realizing you have a wealth of positive traits which wait to be exploited sets you free, it allows you to enjoy life without constricting your own existence to just achieving a certain beauty ideal imposed by society&media.
Great article, Celes! I really can identify with its content (like I mostly do since you write with your heart, too, not just with your mind).
Thank you Lina! I’m glad that you are working on self-acceptance because I think you’re such a lovely and great individual. You look beautiful and you ARE beautiful, inside and out.
One thing which I want to emphasize from the article is that it isn’t just about letting the goodness inside shine through to others (which is very important no doubt), but that your looks and everyone’s looks are already beautiful as they are. Everyone is beautiful; no one is more or less beautiful than another. They are all different forms of beauty. I think the problem with the media (in the past, at least), is that they define beauty in only one form and they keep pushing that image to us over, and over, and over again. I believe things are now getting better as the beauty industry evolves and begins to understand that beauty comes in all different forms and colors.
Thank you, Celes, you’re really sweet :)
I agree. Beauty isn’t single-faced, it comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and forms.
Perfect! This is exactly what I feel, and keep telling all my friends about. I’m Indian, so most of us here have brown/dusky skin, and you won’t believe how huge the fairness cream market is here. I like how I am, and I don’t stress out too much about my skin color (although I’m pretty anal about having even one pimple on my face :P).
But when I was younger, I used to stress out a LOT about my pouty lips and big mouth and chubby cheeks. I used to get teased a lot about them, and often stuck my lip inside while posing for pictures. I longed for thin delicate lips like many girls I saw. Until I realised that there were women willing to pay money and inject stuff, just to get lips like mine! :O
In India, we have like a million gods and goddesses, each so individualistic…one goddess is fair, tall and has delicate pink lips, while another is dark, has wild hair and red huge lips..one god is dark, tall and mischievous while another is fair, pot-bellied and loved by all.. so we should celebrate beauty as it is..
We don’t need to conform to society’s standards of beauty. Everyone is beautiful. :)
Hi Jinni! I love your comment on how there are a million gods and goddesses in India, each looking different. It sort of embodies what I’m trying to say here, which is that beauty comes in all different shapes and forms, and all of us are really the essence of beauty. Thank you. :D
I think you are beautiful!
From inside (I LOVE your writing) and the outside too :)
I’ve been reading this blog for a couple of years and I love it.
When will you come to Argentina, or Latin America at least?
Thank you Alejandro! :D I’m not too sure, maybe next year I’m thinking? But it’s definitely on my list. :D I want to visit every region that I’ve never been to because I love to experience new cultures and places. Are you from Argentina?
Hey Celes,
Yes, I’m from Argentina! Thats why my english is a little basic :lol:
I don’t know how many readers from Argentina do you have, but keep in mind that if you come to visit my country i’ll be the first one to give you advice about the best places to visit.
This is a beautiful country and is worth visiting, trust me, and is rich in diversity.
I have to admit that i’m a bit shocked, I can’t believe that I’m talking with a famous blogger!
It’s like that I want to continue talking to you. :)
Hi Alejandro, thank you! :D That’s very sweet of you. I’ll be sure to announce it if/when I plan to go to Argentina. If you aren’t already, do follow me on my Facebook page or Twitter. I connect with my readers there on a personal level! :D
This has been an issue with me for a very long time. 30+ years. I have never been happy with how my face looks. And my weight has always been an issue. I’m working on my weight. I go to the gym and I have to lose 12 more pounds. This past weekend I was on a mini vacation so I really didn’t eat as healthy as I would have. But I guess I treated myself to foods because I was back in my home town and my favorite place to eat is still there.
But as of this morning, I am still at 192. The heaviest was 250 lbs. So my weight problem has always made my face look fat. I have a big skull to begin with. There is nothing I can do about that. But the fat made my cheeks big, my lips stick out, and I have more chins than a Chinese phonebook. But with losing the weight I’m seeing a difference and I’m feeling better about my looks.
The one thing that I cannot say was that people said I looked nice or was good looking, or that I never got hit on. So that lead to more and more to my low self-esteem.
I got to the point where I used my core values to be noticed, or to be friends with people. And eventually when I meet my wife in high school, since I never thought of myself as attractive, I was doing things that were in line with my values instead. She always say I was attractive, but I never believed her. Now we are going through a divorce and to make the long story short when she said I wasn’t a good enough husband or supportive enough, it really hurt. Because that is what I felt I was strong at. I was attractive on the inside. I knew it wasn’t the outside features. It might not have hurt if she did say I wasn’t good looking enough, or that I’m no longer attracted to you physically. Because back then I thought those were my problems anyway. But to tell me I wasn’t supportive enough, when I felt that was my strongest feature, it really hurt. When she cheated on me it was the physical attraction that lead her to do it. I didn’t blame her for that, and subconsciously maybe I forgave her in haste. But when we started to have problems again in our marriage, and she said I wasn’t good enough of a husband for her, how could I not think this guy was not only attractive, but also a better husband. It came to the point where it’s going to take a lot longer to heal, and it’s better that we separate.
So there is it for me. I still have issues with my looks, but it’s not as bad as last year this time. I do have issues getting my photo taken, but every month I’m feeling better and better about my looks, and I will get to the point where I am comfortable getting my photos taken. A frozen picture of who I am at that time.
I want to thank Celes for this post today. I will work on the three Steps you have outlined every day. And I’m still going to thank my very best friend for showing me this website. This site has always been important to her, and she loves this site. I love this site too, because it has made me a better me every day I log into read it. I laugh and smile at this site every day because it brings me joy, hope and inspiration.
Hey Ken! That’s really great that you are feeling better and better about your looks every day. Remember that it isn’t about achieving a certain “look” or “image” before you are allowed to feel good about yourself. Truth is that you are already beautiful in your way (and I’m not just talking about traits; I’m talking about looks). Everyone is already beautiful. The only reason why people don’t think that way is because they have a one-track, specific definition of beauty, in part due to their upbringing and due to conditioning.
Thank you so much for your well-thought-out comment too. I really appreciate it. :D And I appreciate your best friend for reading and showing you this site. (I don’t think I know who your best friend is; she has never commented or made an appearance on this site to date, has she?.)
Read my Daily Challenge Day 18. :D
Hey Ken! I did read that. :D But my question (or point) was that I don’t think I have seen her on the site before; I assume that she has never posted a comment here or tried to reach out (either that or it was anonymous?).
Ahh, I don’t recall her commenting on the blogs as much. On the forums she does. I’m working with her on getting her out of her comfort zone.
Celestine, you are VERY beautiful,
Im glad you can feel that way now. My grandmother used to tell me that the reason that God gave you your body, your face, the color of your eyes, is because if something would be different then everything would look wrong because then you wouldn’t match your self.
And I admire you for sharing these asepects of your life, thank you for inspire us all…
Muchas gracias y te mando un abrazo desde México. ;)
Thank you Analissa. I really appreciate your kind words. Much love and light to you. :D :hug:
I’m going to chime in on the California girls with skinny blonde with big boobs, nice butt, a narrow and sharp nose, and tanned skin….
Southern California has more Asians and Mexican… It’s rare you see these “California” Girls. 7 out of the 10 of those types of girls are fake blonde hair, fake boobs, and so/so butts. (No thank you, I don’t need to know the flavor of your buttocks when it has JUICY written across it.)
An interesting thing I have noticed is there are more natural blondes up in the Minneapolis/St. Paul region. I sure it’s because of the Nordic influence there, but if you want to see natural blondes, with natural boobs, nice butt, etc I would suggest Minneapolis.
I haven’t been around to all 50 states, but I have been to at least a third of them.
Hey Ken, my American friends commented the same thing too, regarding fake hair/boobs. Ironically, while the people in the society (California, Hollywood, etc) try to uphold this projected form of beauty (blonde, big boobs, butt, etc), often times, the people who actually fit this image went out on a limb to match up that image (surgery, etc). It becomes a circular trap at the day (media projects this image, feeds into it; people perpetuate that image by investing their whole selves into fitting that image, and in the process feeds into that image as well).
Yes. Isn’t ironic, fair skinned Caucasians will go to the tanning saloons, spray on tan places, etc to make their skin color darker. While darker colored skin Asians want to lighten their skin tones.
And the plastic surgery and people who go to extreme measures to do their face lifts. They are trying to look more “pretty” by doing this cosmetic things. In their eyes they are happy about their “new” look, or so they say. But when you see them, it looks so unnatural. At times they would have looked better had they left their face alone.
Living in Las Vegas, you see a lot of “plastic” stuff…. And some of these older ladies and men who have done face lifts, remind me of guy from the late 80’s TV show Beauty and the Beast…. go to imdb.com if and look it up if you don’t know what show I’m talking about…
Many people hit upon a false solution. They develop an ideal image and then try to live up to this image and convince the world that it’s who they are. An idealized self image can be so convincing that you even convince yourself. An idealized self sounds like a model of acceptance. Listen to what it tells you: “You’re doing the right thing. You’re in control. No one can hurt you. Just keep being the way you are now” Thus shielded, you can hardly do wrong, and if you do, your misdeeds are quickly covered up and forgotten. THe beauty of having an ideal image of yourself is that you actually do feel good about who you are. The image substitues for painful reality.
But……… :p
Great article, Celes…. And can I say that from what I’ve seen so far you have a BEAUTIFUL forehead :D
Beauty is definitely a thing that people judge VERY quickly. The key difference is though, that those people DO NOT KNOW YOU. Upon speaking with a person or learning about them, your perception can change immediately as you start to quickly unravel the beauty of who they are.
The BEST and most widely known world-wide case of this is Susan Boyle. When she fot up on stage at her audition for the talent show, she was so quickly judged based on her looks. But all it took was 7 words sung or 5 seconds to flip everyones perception and see the beauty inside… The world instantly fell in love with her.
Brendan
LOL, thank you Brendan! :D I definitely agree with you about Susan Boyle; her talent really shone through her physical self. The other thing which I was trying to bring out in the article is that everyone looks beautiful and beauty doesn’t have to come in only one form (which is what the industry seems to keep harping on). Susan Boyle doesn’t look like the conventional form of beauty but the way she looks is beauty, in her own unique special way.
Hi Celes.
I read the rules and they say you are supposed to stay insecure about your looks, or else it will mess up the parts of the economy that are based on looks. I guess you didn’t get the memo.
Aside from this, great post. You really tackle issues that everyone else is scared to tackle as directly.
You have what people who write dictionaries call “confidence”.
Hey Armen, that’s hilarious what you said! Indeed, you’re very right. A large portion of the economy today is fueled on people’s fears and insecurities. Especially true of the beauty industry. Thanks a lot for taking time out to leave a comment! :D
Oh my…
This is a topic that I am very familiar with for SO many reasons. I started to change from my cherubic little angel baby self that everyone adored to a chubette early on in my life. Putting on weight started from “fat genes,” but aside from that, I was raised in a household that was loaded with sugar in every imaginable form. Desserts and sweets as rewards were everyday things. I was overweight always, and always on a diet or taking a break from a diet. It was SO difficult to keep from eating food, because all that sugar made me really really hungry. Of course, back then, no one really realized all the stuff about sugar being addictive, etc.
I just wanted to look like everybody else. Or at least just not fat. I was always self-conscious, and I do mean always. Being called all the fat names on the playground and pretty much noticing the glances, double-takes and stares throughout those tender teenage years made it unpleasant to go out, or show up at social events. There for awhile, I excelled in sports, but after too much weight was on me, I made excuses whenever I could, just to avoid being seen or ridiculed.
Feeling inferior became routine, and I would do anything I could to try to make myself look better, speak better, get better grades, basically just to turn others’ attention to my strengths. Inside, I still heard the names, and the games, and the desire to be like everyone else accompanied me throughout life.
What I have learned about beauty and self…yes, it is from within, and unless I have a positive self-image, how will I ever have confidence, and if I don’t have confidence, how will I ever make my way in this world or even be at peace within myself. It is what I think and feel about myself that is the thing that truly matters. There are millions of ways of looking at anything, but it is how I believe, think, feel, and do that is where I live and the center from which I know who I am, and relate to the world from the beauty within and center of that True Reality.
Many would mention in my life how great a personality I had, or that i had such a pretty face, or how kind-hearted I was, but most of the time, I heard, but you are overweight. When I was a teenager, I went basically, without eating for about 2 weeks, and got really really sick. There are many compilications that can happen with one’s metabolism, emotional body/balance of emotions, one’s basic health, and eating disorders are very serious. But I wanted SO much to reach that number on the scale, because that is what society and everyone said. How could you really be beautiful, unless your weight was a certain number?
I reached the number very briefly, did not stay there long since I had not learned how to eat correctly, take care of myself, express myself, love myself, have a confidence from deep within that would carry me through anything. Fortunately, I have learned these things, and I am well on my way to an ideal weight that will be a healthy weight where I can continue to be healthy and happy, maintain my weight by continuing to eat healthily, and be beautiful from within, regardless.
I have an extra incentive to reach my ideal weight and STAY there, so I can share my experience, strength, and hope to others out there who are desperately trying to find their way to a healthy weight. Or to those who have pretty much given up hope, are still flirting with the addiction and the feelings that lead to overeating or eating the wrong thing, because they just do not understand the power of addiction, or think erroneously that they are doomed to their genetics, bad habits, or don’t deserve a life of their own, whatever. Some people (I was one) think when they find such “comfort” in their binge food, that they are doing what they really want to do by eating that “food,” and “satisfy” that craving. That is not possible to ever satisfy a food craving. The craving is much deeper, and the indulgence of giving way to the food craving only makes the craving bigger and makes the feelings one is numbing even harder to access.
Yes, I am going for my ideal weight, may consider having help with the excess skin from tremendous weight loss, we shall see…I am taking one moment at a time, and will see where I am when i am closer to my goal weight…I have worked very hard, and learned many things that I am in process of writing a book about. I do want to feel comfortable in my own skin, literally, as well as figuratively.
Whatever happens, I have learned who I truly am, hold close to my heart the essence of me and the desire of my soul to express its true purpose through me, what ever shape I’m in. :heart:
Thank you Celes, for writing another important article that shines a bright light on the truth. In doing so, many people will come to embrace the truth and that truth realized is very freeing. And that truly is a beautiful thing! :heart:
:hug:
Hi Celes !
You are absolutely right. Inner beauty is more important than Outer beauty.
I am from India. What do you think about India. You have ever come to India?
Hi Manav! Yes, I do have an intention to visit India in the future. Soon! :D
Dear Celes,
Are there objective standards of beauty? Or is beauty in the eye of the beholder? Must art be beautiful to be great art? What is the role of the experience of beauty in a good life? :heart:
Hi Manav! As I mentioned in the article, there is beauty everywhere. At the end of the day, beauty is a subjective opinion. Pretty much everything in life can be considered subjective since each life experience is determined by the individual (which is already a subjective perspective). That branches into a whole new topic/argument regarding the existence of a subjective vs. objective reality though which I’m not quite ready to jump into for now.
Yay! I’m from Indian too! Hope you come to New Delhi where I live someday :dance:
An interesting article here Celes. Do you still cut your own hair with the new hairstyle?
Now that you’re comfortable with your appearance, how would you feel about no longer wearing make up? :) For me, whenever I go to a social gathering where it’s normal to kiss the ladies on the cheek, that make up really puts me off! Just the smell of it.. Yuck! hahah Lipstick too. I see these women with coffee cups, and there are always big red stains on the rim of the cup.
To be honest, it doesn’t make any sense at all to me. If I had to go out anywhere with powdery stuff all over my face, gooey red stuff on my lips, and some kind of toxic paint around my eyes, with another toxic substance on my eyelashes, my immediate reaction would be that my freedom has been seriously compromised!
Something that really opened my eyes to beauty was when I visited this small country town called Mullumbimby a couple of months back. I think it’s viewed as being a bit of a hippy town, but the people there looked amazing. Just really healthy looking and natural. The clothes they wore were more practical looking with nice earthly tones. Nothing fashionable. Most of the people were thin, and with natural tans, if any. And no make up either :) Obviously they would be eating a lot healthier, and even more so with the organic markets and access to cheap organic produce. But still, they looked great, and most probably without making an effort to do so. Just eating healthy and staying active for the most part I assume.
The older women especially looked beautiful. They were thin, had no make up at all, and their hair, even though it may have been grey, also looked amazing. Long flowing hair and very natural looking. You just don’t see woman like that normally.
In comparison, the majority of older women here in Sydney, and around my area especially (the northern beaches), are the complete opposite. They have short hair cuts they pay a fortune for at the hairdressers, most are overweight due to bad eating habits, lack of exercise, too much coffee etc, their clothes aren’t practical, so many also carry handbags, and they ‘re normally covered in badly applied make up and stinky perfume. I don’t know if they would be truly happy looking like that?
So yes, I like what you’ve written about what you’re doing here Celes, but I think there’s still another level to be reached :) I know you said you’re only doing the skincare treatments and facials now for your own benefit, and not because of what other people think. But my question is, why do you feel you even need to do this? Why do you feel the need to look better than you already are naturally? Dig deeper for an answer :mrgreen: Due to the chemicals within them, skincare treatments could even be doing more harm than good.
Plus, I remember you posting a photo last year during your trip without make up, and you looked just as gorgeous! :hug:
Hi Glenn! I have no issues with not putting makeup at all; in fact the earlier videos on The Celes Show has me with zero makeup (that’s hundred to thousands of people seeing me without makeup or “enhancements”). I wouldn’t have done that if I wasn’t comfortable with it. I think some viewers might have been uncomfortable with that; one of them even gave a side comment that suggested that she couldn’t believe I would record a video without makeup (though she didn’t put it in those words). But I think such reactions only reflect their own discomfort with not being done up than anything else.
I’ve also readily uploaded photos of myself without makeup on my Facebook page before (like the one you pointed out; that’s not the only picture – many pictures in my albums are me with no or little makeup just that I don’t point it out), and continue to do that from time to time. Half of the photos I shared in this post are actually me without makeup (or minimal makeup); no editing done too. I wouldn’t have put them publicly if I was insecure about my bare look or if I felt there was something to cover/hide.
I also go out without makeup if I’m just running errands or not meeting anyone. I continue to put on makeup for other purposes and social outings because I just enjoy being makeup and being a girly girl. I have no issues having people see me with no makeup as well; during my travels everyone I stayed with has seen me without makeup and with glasses, whereas if I was insecure about it I would have put on makeup every day and waited till the end of the night to remove them.
I understand where you’re coming from regarding the makeup/no makeup deal, but I think makeup does come with certain intents. For example if I’m going to a professional event, I think it’d be good that people put makeup as part respecting the intent of the event and keeping up with the professional image of self and others. At least, that’s how many of the social groups and communities I’m in operate. It’s sort of the same thing as why Oprah Winfrey (or many of the established personalities in the professional world) puts on makeup; it’s part of the professional image. (Though on that note, I respect it if someone chooses not to put on makeup though; it’s the person’s prerogative and choice.)
But my question is, why do you feel you even need to do this? Why do you feel the need to look better than you already are naturally?
As I mentioned, I do it because I like the act of bettering and improving myself (in this case, my physical appearance). It’s just like asking “Why do I feel the need to develop myself personally?” (rather than just laze around and enjoy my current accomplishments) or “Why do I constantly improve on my diet” (rather than eat the same diet and not change forever) or “Why do I keep exercising?” (rather than just be happy at the workouts I’ve done in the past and the weight I’ve lost so far and stay with that). It’s part of self-betterment, and improving one’s image and looks (within my own definition, being the best version of myself) is part of that. I understand that some people use makeup as a way to mitigate their insecurities or from personal issues, but I don’t think all interests in makeup have to be linked with insecurity or image issues. I think it’s more important to draw the distinction between what’s driving one’s action vs. calling off on the action altogether.
Hope you get what I’m driving here! :D Let me know if you’re not sure what I’m trying to get at or if you still have any thoughts about it.
On my hair, it’s really been two months or so since I decided to grow out my fringe, so it’s not like there’s much to cut (my hair). I’ll probably just go to a hairdresser from now on. (Though I want to grow out my hair, so I don’t imagine the next trip to the hairdresser’s to be anytime soon.)
Man I loved this, and judging from the other comments too, I’d say I’m not the only one!
I’m lucky, I don’t think I’ve ever been as insecure with my looks as many people have suffered through. That said, I DEFINITELY have moments of HUGE insecurity. I feel my difference is I get these in bursts, and have a relatively healthy view of myself overall.
My thing is, I’m quite small. I’m exactly 5ft tall and 100lbs (1.5 meters and 45.36kg according to the conversions on Google!) Beauty here in the states likes women who are taller. By default, even though I’m rather thin/average I can look much heavier just because I’m so short. Sometimes outfits that look great on someone taller look awful on me, and that can hurt me as I think my figure overall is nice. I’ve had people wish out loud that I was taller though, as I’d look better that way. Bah!
Another thing is, I have a pretty big nose. Looked at straight-on it’s fine, but from the side you can see I have a bump in it and that’s probably my biggest insecurity. It’s not the worst, but still.
I think for me, my biggest thing is realizing I could be in better shape than I am. Even when I eat healthier and exercise (the first is easier for me to stick to than the former), if I fail to keep it up I beat myself up and that just makes me feel bad. I think health should overcome “beauty” in what we aim for, but who knows!
This hasn’t been mentioned, but I have mixed feelings with makeup as well. Normally I don’t wear any and instead focus on trying to keep my skin as clear as possible (very difficult with combination skin like mine!), but there’s been times when I’m afraid I’ll be seen as lazy for not wearing any. Even my mom has been embarrassed of me going out without wearing any, and would “kindly” offer to do it for me.
Hair-wise…I have no real complaints. My hair’s got a natural wave/dirty blonde in color, and the wave looks great when it’s long. Shorter cuts are difficult on me due to the wave which makes me sad, but I’m preferring my hair long at the moment. I’ve also dyed my hair for the fun of it to a deep “black cherry” color that’s purple-y/red, pretty much just to have some fun with it. (which reminds me, I have to redye it soon haha!) The only real thing I’ve changed is I’ve refrained from tucking my hair behind my ears. While I have to admit this change was pointed out by someone else, I tried it and I liked showing off my hair better that way. So it ended up being a nice change for me. =)
And Celes, you look absolutely adorable in all of your pictures! Part of me for a while did nothing more but wish I’d been born Asian, because I always felt they were capable of being the most gorgeous/handsome people. The hair and skin you mention are a big part of it I think, but I just think it’s funny how we always seem to want what we can’t have. =p
As for tanning…I admit, I think I look better with a tan, as it evens out my skin a bit. I won’t go into a tanning bed though, I don’t want to raise my risk of skin cancer for it! If I feel like it, I’ll use lotions which darken my skin so I avoid all that sun exposure. XD
So, yeah, all this ramble coming from someone who “doesn’t feel that insecure”. >.< I think it's really hard to not be even if you're aware of it, because it's bombarded on us so constantly. I will try to utilize your tips though, which for me I think the biggest is increasing my confidence. Thank you for the read though, it was really great! =)
Hi everyone! Thank you for all your amazing comments! I really appreciate your kind words and support. :D
Just want to point out that I think some of you took away the message of this article as, “inner beauty is more important than outer beauty”. While that is in fact part of what I’m driving (see Point #2), the bigger point I’m trying to get across here is that whatever looks you have now is ALREADY beautiful, and it is not more or less beautiful than another’s looks (see Point #1).
Beauty comes in all forms, shapes, sizes, and colors, not just the one-track definition that the media keeps projecting in our faces. Do read Point #1 again for what I have to say on this. Thanks! :D
Hi Celes:
There are certain merits in your article. Regarding beauty I was also trapped in some perceptions and I felt I was not handsome. My perception was I am small (dwarf) (below five feet) and thin and some people often would tease me. The result I felt inferior about me. Whenever I was representing my family for any social functions I felt something amiss about me. In southern part of India in Kerala there is a saying ” even if you believe a theif not believe a dwarf (small) man. Some of my friends refer this in my present during conversations. But what was happened is the person who often tease me went to jail for his loose character still I had so far not such a bad luck. Now I am confident about me it is not the height or fatness or weight matters but what you do.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, if we all looked like clones we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the contrast and diversity. We would probably know what to expect from each other if we were identical, which we would probably find boring.
In nature we love the way trees shape themselves twisting and turning branches as they reach for the light. I think as humans we do the same with are thoughts, actions and appearance until we find what we want but not necessarily like.
Hi Celes. Thank you for this post. I would love to read more articles like this that deal with self-esteem and physical appearance, because I believe it is an issue that most of us have.
I (like many other commenters) have had trouble with my weight all my life. I’ve been teased a lot for my weight and acne in the past. At school, I would always wear a jacket, no matter how hot it was because I thought I was so ugly. I also would wear a pound of make-up to attempt to cover up my acne.
I still have these issues today and am in the process of working on them.
I’ve been having a really difficult time figuring out how to love myself. I believe it is one of the hardest things to achieve and is a work in progress everyday. I’m not where I want to be right now, not as healthy as I could be. With that said, how do you love yourself if you feel like you have yet to achieve your ideal appearance?
I know you’ve already answered this question and I am trying hard to see the beauty in myself and in others, but it really is a difficult undertaking.
As always, thank you for the post! Please keep writing!
Btw – you are beautiful. And I love your new hairstyle. I think it looks much better on you than your previous one. :heart:
Dearest Xandria, thank you so much for your kind words; that’s so sweet of you. I appreciate them. :love: I’m so sorry to hear about your problems with weight and acne in the past. Learn to recognize that beauty isn’t limited to no acne and achieving a certain weight (this goes back to Step #1 of the article). Beauty comes in all forms and shapes. You should continue to work on addressing your weight and acne issues; but at the same time, know that you are already beautiful as you are now, and you are simply working on improving yourself as yourself, and striving to become the higher version of your existing beauty.
Having always been someone with an abundance of confidence and self belief, i had trouble understanding how others struggled worse still how they saw themselves as somebody they were not. Once i became a parent, and time progressed, this issue became more important than most things. To see my daughter struggle with self esteem issues was a major thing. Your article, your story …. this will help her and many like her.
Hi Larry, I’m glad that you feel this story will help her. One thing I want to point out that self-image issues aren’t necessarily linked with lack of self-confidence or self-belief (which your comment seems to suggest so). For example, I have incredible amounts of self-belief and self-confidence, and much of it is just based on purely believing in my ability.
This hasn’t stopped me from feeling negatively about certain aspects of my body/face for the past 10 years (leading up to my eventual realization as I have shared in the article). A big reason is really the childhood incidents (as shared in the article) that cemented those thoughts.
Sometimes, someone’s erroneous, seemingly illogical belief about something can be driven by just 1, or 2, key incidents from the person’s past. Understanding what these incidents are and accurately correcting/reversing the conclusions made in those incidents are crucial to addressing the issue. Padding on more self-confidence will help other areas of the person’s life but usually does little to solve the actual problem.
I recently stumbled on this blog, and read through a few articles. Most of the articles are good, thought provoking and well written.
This one though – I am not sure I agree completely.
“You are already beautiful the way you are” – sorry, no. This is like a strong man saying, “you are already strong the way you are” to a weak man, or a rich man saying “you are already rich the way you are”. Only poor men know the pain of not having money, only weak men know the pain of not being strong.
In one of your other articles, you wrote “YOOO YOU TALL GUYS, WHERE ARE YOU!?!? COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!” – which means, you wouldn’t date a guy shorter than you, even if he is good in every other way, correct? So you see, looks matter. those who are handsome/beautiful, are already one step ahead in the game of life. Those who don’t have the looks, they know the pain. Short guys are rejected every day by women, just because they are short (even if they are good in every other thing, from brains to character). Same way, average girls have to work much harder to get the attention of men, than cute girls.
vijay, saying “You are already the way you are.” is not equivalent to “You shouldn’t do anything to self-improve or work to improve your appearance.” Please refer to my comment above to Glenn, with regards to notion of self-contentment and self-improvement. Just because one is happy with oneself doesn’t equate to not improving upon what one has.
My expectations to date a guy who is my height or taller has nothing to do with whether people are beautiful or not. I never once said that guys who are shorter aren’t beautiful or good looking. Neither did I say that I would not date a guy who is shorter than me. I have in fact dated guys who are shorter than me before, without prejudice for their height.
It’s fine if you do not agree that everyone is beautiful in his/her own right. However, your argument seems to be based on occurrences that are taking place in the society, which are precisely the results of narrow definitions of beauty (due to media conditioning, societal conditioning, etc.), and precisely what I’m trying to take on with the article. Also, just because people are rejected by basis of their looks does not mean that they are not good-looking. It only means that whatever looks they have do not match the expectations of the other parties. And that’s fine. Everyone is free to have his/her own beliefs and desires in what he/she look for in another partner; I don’t think there is a right to judge or fault them for their intentions or wishes. I don’t think this occurrence has to be narrowly concluded into a “just because he/she is rejected based on his/her looks = he/she is not good looking enough).
The point of this post is to let people realize that everyone is beautiful in his/her own way, and beauty does NOT come in one strict definition, unlike what the media and society have been trying to perpetuate for the past decades. I do suggest that you reread the article if the message isn’t coming through.
There are varying types of beauty, yet some people are really more beautiful than others. This is a fact of life, just as some people are smarter than others or taller than others. And this is not as subjective as we’d like it to be. Western Europeans have an edge due to global political power and the projection of this – through movies, marketing products, etc – throughout the world. See ads in Asia that market Western brands with Caucasian looks (mixed raced Asians with white Europeans, for example) and you can understand why Asians abroad have a degree of built-in inferiority. No matter what, beauty is nothing if an individual doesn’t have the self-esteem that enables them to first love themselves. There are plenty of unhappy beautiful people. Still, all things equal, most people would prefer to have high self-esteem, be loved, have more money and be more beautiful. A lot of this comes down to mating, and the desire to breed. We want lovely babies too. Google facial symmetry studies and you will discover that our attraction to beauty is as much in the subconscious realm as anywhere.
You’ve already mentioned that Western Europeans have an edge due to projection in movies, marketing products, etc., which shows the point that beauty is indeed an image that is fed to us through conditioning. It is no less subjective than what is a “good” kid vs. a “bad” kid. One can also argue that even frames of references like “tall” and “short” are subjective too – they are measured against the metric system which is developed by humans as well.
The impression that some are more beautiful than others comes from measuring people against a certain standard or benchmark of beauty, which comes from a reference somewhere—and this reference comes again, past conditioning, upbringing, etc. If we realize that beauty doesn’t have to be measured against a certain image (which is projected by certain marketers and industry leaders to begin with), and that every life form is beautiful, that’s when people will truly realize that beauty comes from all forms, shapes, and sizes.
To your note about facial symmetry studies, it’s like a circular argument as they are very much based on a certain conceived notion of beauty (again the result of past conditioning, etc.).
Hello Celes,
The way I relate to your story comes from a personal confidence point of view. A person can be beautiful now but we all know that beauty is not for eternal. whereas inner beauty last longer than the soul.
Recently I encountered an incident that shaken my self confidence in the work that I do. I know that I am good at my work. But when my colleagues started to sing praises of another of my colleague, I started to get uncomfortable and a surge of feelings welled up urging me to do more to out-perform my colleague.
When I related this incident to my boyfriend, he told me to chill and take a break. Everyone is good at something and has their own niche. Besides, we are going for different things in life and I am about to embark on my MBA from INSEAD. I should relax and focus on what’s important to me.
So indeed, beauty is only skin deep. What you are made of defines you as a person. And Celes, just take a look at your blog and the journey that you have taken so far, you have certainly blossom as a person who exude personal excellence :)
I used to feel inferior about my height. Because my 1st girlfriend constantly remind me about my height. I’m only 5 cm taller than her. And all my ex are about my height. And now my wife is just 2 cm shorter than me. But I’ve overcome that already and my confidence is so much higher than many. Thank you for this article to blow the myth on beauty!
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Hi Celes, incredible message in this article and one which I wish everyone (including myself) could properly heed. In the past I’ve had huge insecurities relating to my height (5ft1 if anyone wanted to know) and dark skin color, but I’m working through these.
The one question I have is, what do you do when faced with people who are very conventionally attractive? I know I’m beautiful in my own way, but when I’m hanging out with guys who are visibly drooling over tall, blonde girls or girls with big busts or I’m hanging out with incredibly beauutiful friends, it’s hard not to compare and feel worse-like my beauty is an inferior version of their beauty and just fades into the background. How would you maintain your sense of self and sense of beauty in the face of all of this? I realise my view of beauty is probably quite narrow and this needs to be widened, but for me this is easier said than done.
Hi lamorenita! This article may help: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/comparing/
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