How To Deal with Anger: Your Gentle Guide to Removing Anger for Life

This is part four of my five-part anger series, sharing my history with anger, how I have consciously decided to let go of it, along with a guide on how you can overcome anger as well.

  1. My History with Anger and How I Decided to Let Go of It, Part 1: Growing Up in a Household of Anger
  2. My History with Anger and How I Decided to Let Go of It, Part 2: The Damaging Effects of Anger
  3. My History with Anger and How I Decided to Let Go of It, Part 3: Healing From My Anger
  4. How To Deal with Anger: Your Gentle Guide to Removing Anger for Life
  5. What to Do When You Live with Angry People: 7 Tips

Upset girl

Note from Celes: Now that the 14-Day Kindness Challenge is over, I’m excited to continue the anger series. As you know, being angry at someone is definitely NOT a kind act, much less losing your temper at anyone. :) This guide will help you become an angerless person.

Psst. Have you added me on Facebook? If not, do so now! It’s where I share a big part of my day-to-day life and musings; things which I don’t share on PE itself. –> [ My Facebook Page ] (click the “like” button!)

How To Deal with Anger: A Gentle Guide

Most people would think of anger as an emotion that’s part and parcel of life. That, hey, it is normal to feel angry once in a while. And that it is okay to be angry when things don’t go your way.

I beg to differ though. Having grown up in a household of anger, and having experienced life as a highly angry person, I have come to realize that anger doesn’t have to be part of life. While there is nothing wrong with being angry (after all, there is no right or wrong emotion), anger doesn’t have to be an option. Just as you choose to be angry, you can choose not to be angry. And you can resolve problems just the same, if not better, without anger being in the picture. At all.

In today’s guide, I’ll teach you conscious methods on how to deal with anger, such that you will become an angerless person. This guide is not about anger “management” or anger “control”, which are short-term solutions. This guide is about permanent anger resolution, because long-term solutions, not quick fixes, should be our aim in life.

Step 1: Recognize When You Are Angry

Angry boy

Contrary to what most might think, anger isn’t just limited to moments when you lose your cool and fly into a rage. Anger starts the moment you harbor negative emotions about something or someone. As you feel more and more unhappy, your anger compounds… Eventually you snap when your anger hits a certain threshold and you can’t hold it in any longer.

For example, before I resolved my anger issues, I would be easily irked and frustrated. I would rarely fly into a rage, unless I was at home and dealing with my family members, who had anger issues of their own and with whom I had compounded grievances against. I thought I wouldn’t be considered an angry person since I would hardly lose my temper at others.

However, I was wrong. As I unraveled my anger issues in the past year, I realized I was quite an intensely angry person. I realized that irk and frustration are forms of anger. They are just lesser forms of anger. They are, in fact, the inducting states of anger.

This means if you often feel irked or frustrated, there is actually an angry soul in you waiting to be unleashed. You are no different than a ticking time bomb waiting to go off any minute. All it takes are (a) the right stimulus and (b) sufficient irk to be compounded before you fly into a rage at someone or something.

Here’s an anger index I’ve created to help you gain consciousness of your anger. Can you recognize the different anger states?

  1. Level 0: Angerless. A state of no anger. Zen. Peace. Calmness.
  2. Level 1: Irk. The beginning level of anger. Here, you feel slight feelings of annoyance, but they are repressible. (Very volatile people skip this level and jump straight to Levels 3, 4, or 5.)
  3. Level 2: Frustration. The mid-point between slight annoyance and actual anger (Level 3). You are frustrated and it shows. It’s harder to deny your frustration compared to Level 1.
  4. Level 3: Anger. Your frustration has built up to the point where you feel actual anger. Not only that, your frustration is so much that it’s now manifesting physiologically. You can feel your heart beating faster and your body warming up.
  5. Level 4: Infuriated. A heightened state of anger. You are well pissed off at this point. While you feel mad, you have not fully lost it… yet. You are still lucid and able to control your actions… not for long, though. One more stimulus, and you are ready to snap.
  6. Level 5: Rage. You have totally lost it! You see red and nothing can stop you from lashing out at others. This is the state where you say and do things which you normally wouldn’t, in a fit of anger.

What levels do you hover around on a usual day? How often do you enter each level? What is the highest level you have hit before?

Regardless of your answer for each question, you should endeavor to reach Level 0, because that is your natural state of being. None of us are born with anger in our souls. The only reason we even have irk, frustration, anger, or rage in our system is because  of (a) past, unprocessed anger that is stuck in our souls, and (b) faulty paradigms of thinking. It’s about (a) processing those unprocessed anger through Steps 2 to 4, and (b) correcting those faulty paradigms through Step 5.

Step 2: Know Your Anger Triggers

Do you know your anger triggers? What makes you angry? What ticks you off? What can you not stand?

For the next two minutes, make a list of things that (a) irk or frustrate you (e.g., late public transport, bad customer service, negative people, or inconsiderate people), (b) infuriates you to no end (e.g., injustice to the weak, molesters / rapists, or hypocrites), and (c) instantly pisses you off (e.g., screeching of chalk against a blackboard).

Now, for the rest of today, observe your reaction to everything that happens. Whenever you observe yourself feeling irked or angry, note the trigger and add it onto your list. Spot as many anger triggers as you can.

My Experience Uncovering My Anger Triggers

When I did this exercise, I did it over the span of a week. I uncovered many triggers which I was previously unconscious of. Majority were day-to-day occurrences which I never gave much thought to. Things like unsolicited phone calls, running late for appointments, delayed public transport, and noise disturbances. I wouldn’t be overtly angry, but those events would most definitely irk me to some degree.

Beyond day-to-day occurrences, I also identified deeper anger triggers. I realized I had little tolerance for insincere and/or unauthentic people. I would be heavily repulsed by people who were unauthentic in communication and/or approach personal relationships with a hidden agenda. I also had a disdain for lazy people; people who skive and take the easy way out in life. As a person with excellence as my top value, I could not stand that.

Doing the list was eye-opening. It made me recognize trends to things which would make me angry—usually of things which impeded my agenda or went against my core values (excellence, passion, courage, truth, and authenticity). It helped me to anticipate situations which would set me off, hence pre-empting anger situations so I could deal with them consciously.

Step 3: Drill into Your Anger Triggers

Inspirational Quote: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung More anger quotes at Personal Excellence Quotes

After creating your anger triggers list, drill into each anger trigger to uncover its root cause.

Using the digging exercise to find out why your anger triggers make you angry. For each trigger, ask yourself “Why does this make me angry?”. Pen down the answer and repeat the question until you reach an aha moment (surrounding your anger). This would be the root cause of your anger (at least for that particular trigger).

For example, say after doing Step 2, you realize your anger triggers are (a) talking to rude people, and (b) seeing old people being mistreated. Let’s drill into them one at a time.

Example #1: Talking to Rude People

  • “Why does talking to rude people make me angry?”
    • Because they are obnoxious.
  • “Why does that make me angry?”
    • Because they are being disrespectful.
  • “Why does that make me angry?”
    • Because it makes me feel unvalued, unworthy.
  • “Why does that make me feel angry?”
    • Because it reminds me of the time when I was a child, when the kids in school were disrespectful to me. They did not pay any attention to me and even mocked me for being by myself. I felt like a worthless fool at that time.

Here, you find out that your anger to rude people is linked to your childhood when you were rudely treated by your schoolmates. This is the underlying driver for your anger in this case.

Example #2: Seeing Old People Being Mistreated

  • “Why does seeing old people being mistreated make me angry?”
    • Because it is an act of atrocity.
  • “Why is it an act of atrocity?”
    • Because old people are weak. They should being protected, not mistreated.
  • “Why does seeing them mistreated make me angry?”
    • Because it reminds me of helpless people who should be protected but aren’t.
  • “Why does that make me angry?”
    • Because there have been times when I was helpless but no one protected me.

Here, you found out that your anger with people mistreating old people is linked to times when you did not receive help even though you needed it. This is the real reason why you are angry at old people being mistreated (above and beyond the other reasons you uncovered).

For more on how your anger triggers are interrelated with your inner self and your past, read Day 22: Mirror an Annoyance of Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program. It comes with an exercise which will help you release your external annoyances from within.

Anger Triggers and Past Events

As you drill into each anger trigger, you may wind up tracing it to a past event, as we did in the two examples above.

If so, it suggests that you still hold resentment and anger over that past event. This resentment and anger was never properly processed, which is why you continue to feel angry over related situations today, even though that original event is long over. This brings us to the next step, which is…

Step 4: Let Go of the Anger

Inspirational Quote: “Choose Love. Surrender the desire to hurt.” ~ Sanaya Roman More anger quotes at Personal Excellence Quotes

Having uncovered the root cause of your anger trigger, it’s now time to let the anger go.

The first step is to identify the grievances you still feel over that episode.

For example, let’s say your friend broke a promise to you a  year ago and you remain resentful about it today. Why? What are your grievances about that episode?

Perhaps you are angry that she did not live up to what she had promised. Perhaps you are angry that she did not fulfill the expectations you had of her. Perhaps you are angry that she is not the person you thought she was. Perhaps, just perhaps, the real reason you are upset with her is because you thought both of you shared a special bond and you wish she had placed more importance in the friendship to remember and honor that promise.

Then, work through those grievances, one at a time.

If you are angry with your friend for not living up to your expectations, ask yourself: Why do you have such expectations of her? Why are you evaluating her by those expectations? Is she a bad person or a bad friend just because she didn’t conform to your expectations? Are you being fair to her by measuring her against those expectations?

If you are angry with your friend for not valuing you enough as a friend to live up to the promise, ask yourself: Is it true that she did not, does not, value you as a friend? Or was that just your conclusion? How do you think she truly views the friendship?

Challenge your assumptions and beliefs as you work through your grievances. Most grievances are the result of faulty thinking or simply missing the bigger picture. If you can uncover the missing link, you will no sooner be liberated of your unhappiness.

Here’s a related article about letting go: Ask Celes – Is It Possible To Let Go of Unhappy Past Forever?

(Be sure to also check out Day 25: Forgive Yourself of Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program. It’s about letting go of anger in the context of self-forgiveness, including a step-by-step exercise on how you can go about doing it.)

Step 5: Stop Generating New Anger (by Letting Go of Attachments)

As you process the “old” anger from your past, make a pact not to create new anger in your consciousness.

This means if you ever come across incidents or people which violate your expectations, don’t be angry. Accept that things aren’t the way you want them to be, at least at this moment. Embrace the disparity between reality and what you want. Then, focus on finding, or even creating, solutions.

Example: Making the Decision to Stop Being Angry at Unauthentic People

I used to get very angry at unauthentic people. For example, people who say something but do something else. People who approach relationships with ulterior motives. People who do not live up to promises. People who do not make an effort to maintain friendships. I would not lose my anger at these people, but I would resent them and cut them out of my life.

The reason of this pet peeve was because of an unpleasant history I had with someone back in primary school. This person, a good friend then, would be sweet and saccharine when around me. However, she would turn on me and badmouth me when my back was turned. I only knew about her antics through common friends. The incident left a mark in my consciousness and made me resent unauthentic people. (In retrospect, it was ridiculous junior school drama and is not even something I care about today.)

However, after doing Day 12: Forgive yourself in the Kindness Challenge, and making the conscious decision to forgive unauthentic people I encountered before, I realized that I might have been missing something all this while. I realized that perhaps I had misunderstood the people whom I perceived as unauthentic—that perhaps they were simply being them and not trying to oust me. I realized that perhaps it was their right to be whoever they wanted to be—even if it meant being unauthentic—and I had no right to judge or put them down just for that side of their character.

So I decided to stop being angry at said unauthentic people. I decided to stop bearing grievances against them. I decided to remove the biased lens I had used to perceive these “unauthentic” and to give them a fair chance at making an impression.

Interestingly, as I released my anger at these people, I felt lighter. Happier. Released. Almost as if… the only person I had been trapping all this while (of feeling resentful towards the unauthentic people) was myself, not the unauthentic people.

Inspirational Quote: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis Smedes More anger quotes at Personal Excellence Quotes

It made me realize that the only person I had been hurting the whole time was actually myself. I thought I was protecting myself and I thought I was “punishing” those “unethical” people by resenting them, but really, I was just hurting myself.

Anger in Life

The same goes to everything else that we tend to get angry about. We may think that we are justified in feeling the anger (and we probably are), but the point is that the anger isn’t necessary to begin with. That there is a third path (beyond being angry and ignoring our anger) which involves no anger at all.

When you are angry, you are like a mad man wearing a straitjacket that is laced with kerosene and set on fire. You flap around trying to hurt others with the flames of your jacket (and you probably do end up hurting one or two people in the process), but really, the person you end up hurting the most is yourself.

To permanently remove anger from your life, you have to make the conscious decision to stop being angry (as you work through your past anger). This means letting go of attachments. This means not expecting people to conform to expectations. This means being okay when things don’t match your expectations. This also means learning to embrace life’s little quirks and idiosyncrasies.

Inspirational Quote: "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha More anger quotes at Personal Excellence Quotes

Roll with the punches. Step out into the sun. Learn to laugh at yourself. And learn to dance in the rain.

I made the decision a month ago to stop being angry (which then sparked this series), and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. How about you? Are you ready to join me in living an angerless life? I’ll be here waiting.

A Part 5?

I’m considering writing a part on how to handle angry family members, but that’s dependent on whether there is enough demand for it. Let me know if you would be interested in such a piece. Also let me know how you have been finding the anger series to far. It helps me know if I’ve been spending my energy in the right places by writing this series. Thank you! :)

Update June 19, 2013: Part five on how to deal with angry family members is now out! Read it here: What to Do When You Live with Angry People: 7 Tips

This is part four of my five-part anger series, sharing my history with anger, how I have consciously decided to let go of it, along with a guide on how you can overcome anger as well.

  1. My History with Anger and How I Decided to Let Go of It, Part 1: Growing Up in a Household of Anger
  2. My History with Anger and How I Decided to Let Go of It, Part 2: The Damaging Effects of Anger
  3. My History with Anger and How I Decided to Let Go of It, Part 3: Healing From My Anger
  4. How To Deal with Anger: Your Gentle Guide to Removing Anger for Life
  5. What to Do When You Live with Angry People: 7 Tips

Images: Girl, Small boyMirror, Saga seedsPrison cellBuddha



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  • Leni Tuason

    the series is enlightening. opens my eyes on many aspect of myself and my relationshhips. surely a part 5 would definitely be an added help!

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Thanks for your comment Leni! :) I’ll work on a part 5 on dealing with angry family members then.

  • http://hackmyheart.com Alexa

    This has really been an exceptional series, Celes. Thank you! :heart:

    I really like the idea of seeing what is is that bothers us on a daily basis (I tend to err on the irk/frustration side often myself, except perhaps when I’m home and around my family, there it tends to be a bit higher. >.<), because I think it's amazing how many little things can annoy us if we let them. At least for me, I can think of probably a dozen irks right off the top of my head. DX

    I'd be super, super interested in a fifth segment concerning angry family members. For me, that's where I lose most of my control and suffer the most. Also, I've realize most of my family "issues" come from the fact my family uses guilt to get what they want or to do what they "should" do when in fact, half the time it makes us miserable. From this guilt comes all sorts of anger, including passive-aggression which -really- accomplishes nothing!

    Thank you again, Celes. I'm reading this quite late here on my end, but I'll definitely spend tomorrow taking note of what brings me to the various stages of anger. I think it should be a very awareness-raising exercise. =)

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Hi Alexa, thank you for your kind comment! :heart: That’s not good that your family members uses guilt to influence your behavior. This sort of falls under manipulative behavior, actually, and isn’t a healthy situation to be in.

      I’ll try to make part 5 on dealing with angry family members as comprehensive and helpful as possible for you and the other readers. Coming from an angry household myself, it makes it easy for me to empathize. In fact, I’d say it continues to be an ongoing situation that I deal with and resolve on a daily basis.

      • http://hackmyheart.com Alexa

        It is definitely manipulative behavior, and it is certainly not healthy. When I realized that was what was happening I’ve found I’ve very much pulled away from being involved with my family as much as possible. Choosing to withdraw from situations I don’t want to be in has made me labeled as “cold” by my family, but when all my family is doing is gossiping and talking about what’s wrong with the world, I’d rather have that label than partake. Either way, it is quite taxing to deal with, but at least I can say I didn’t participate.

        I’m so looking forward to your part 5! I’m not sure I’ll get to see it in time for Thanksgiving (which is what I’m going home tomorrow for, where I’ll be put into a family situation again), but I know I can definitely use it many, many times in the future. I apologize for my little bit of a rant in my previous paragraph (I could easily write a ton. >.<), but it is certainly nice to know I have someone who empathizes!

        And now I'm off to continue my day, and make my list of irks and other anger triggers. Here's to learning!

  • Andrew H

    You have really opened my eyes on a lot of issues and changed my life.
    I would like to read part 5 of the Anger series.

    Best Wishes

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Thanks for your comment Andrew. :D I’ll get working on it.

  • Jazzman

    I have found the posts useful and practical. For me, the true test will be to call upon the new found knowledge and insight if something unexpected arises that is a major anger trigger, as well as having an ongoing awareness of the need to self regulate and pre empt triggers and then responding in a favourable manner.

    In short, these are some really useful tips and I look fwd to learning more about how to ensure this is not a mental ‘diet’ that can revert back, but a more permanent mindset change, as there is no doubt that anger is cancerous and counter productive…

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Hey Jazzman, thanks a lot for your comment. This guide (with the five steps) is really everything I have to share on how to deal and permanently rid oneself of the anger. I’m not planning to write anymore about the topic (of dealing with anger, at least); I think anything more will just be superfluous material and adding noise to the system.

      My plan for part 5 (if I do write it in the end) is to write about how to deal with angry family members, which would be a different angle from removing anger from one’s life.

      For those looking to read more about how to deal with anger, all four parts of this series are basically it. There isn’t anything “out there” to read or learn, IMO — all the answers and solutions to permanent anger resolution are already here in this series. It’s now a matter of whether we want to suck it up and apply what we have read, or continue to let anger eat away in our lives. There comes a point when it’s enough of the “reading”, and more of the “doing”. (More on this in the self-help junkies post, and I do note the irony here that I’m pointing you guys to an article which would involve more reading. But it has a valid message and a note to ourselves not to just read, but also to continuously apply what we have read.)

      • Jazzman

        Agreed Celes. You can read until the cows come
        Home, but ultimately the text should serve as a self awareness trigger followed by ongoing effort and
        Commitment to move in a pre defined direction. Thank you for being so open and honest and for keeping it real.

        The pursuit of tranquility seems like a challenge well worth taking up, after reading your inspiring posts…

  • Hein

    Celes, Wow what insight and opening new horizons. Your statement that you need to look at the triggers is very valid. That answer in itself will reveal the source of the anger.

    I have also found a book by Paul Hegstrom very interesting as he refers to anger as a reactive behaviour at times. He believes the brain must be and can sucessfully be rewired.

    Your website is such an inspiration and I thank you very much.

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Thank you so much for your kind words Hein. :hug:

  • KEMBABAZI MARIE JEAANE

    Hey Celes,
    Thanks for this topic on anger. It is so enriching. As I read, I felt as if you knew what I was going through everyday. The “past triggers” is such truth that cannot be disputed. You are so much inspired!
    I would definitely like to read part 5. we are always surrounded by angry family members (even angry workmates) and we are always challenged with ways how to deal them! Thank you so much. Marie

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Hi Marie, thanks for your interest. I’ll be planning a part 5 on dealing with angry family members then. :hug:

  • ugi

    Hi Celes,

    The serie was very helpful, thank you for this great effort to enlighten us. Most people would consider me as a very calm person but I find myself very angry and reactive to many things within daily life, the only thing is I am just not showing it to anyone else except my very close ones. I have to accept this is really exhausting and maybe the main reason I feel so low in terms of energy.
    I would certainly be interested in a 5th section about angry family members. I feel very sad when I observe my mother criticising everything around her, people, material, everything you can think of, in a very angry manner. Once I tried to focus on every sentence she said and not even one in twenty was positive:( I really feel sad about this and sometimes I am really scared that I will turn into her by the time I get older, I hope this does not happen. She had a very difficult life, I understand why she become like this and she will not improve becouse in no way she accepts she can be the one who is thinking in a wrong way.. They now moved to same town I live, and believe it or not I can not feel happy about this, and I feel guilty for this.. :cry:
    Sorry for the long comment but I could not help typing, I really would like to learn from you about how to handle this kind of situations in the following section
    Thanks again for the great work!
    Love
    Ugi

  • Tammy

    Thank you so much for sharing this amazing series. I would love to see a part 5 dealing with angry family members. As someone that loves a person with anger issues, and not always knowing how to deal with it, I feel it would be incredibly beneficial for me and many others.Please continue this series.

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Tammy, I’m sorry that you are dealing with someone who has anger issues and hope that you will be able to help him/her work the issues out. It must not be easy to have to face his/her anger on an ongoing basis. I hope the upcoming part 5 will be helpful to you and others. :hug:

  • Bob

    Hi Celes,
    Thank you for so clearly pointing out a method to get to the heart of anger and work towards being calm and peaceful. I’m observing my feelings of anger at the moment. I love the different stages you have described on how we arrive at being angry – very useful, it is already helping me see clearly what level I am at.

    I have noticed that certain professions have to face hostile and angry people on a daily basis – especially customer services and companies whose products are inferior or where demand exceeds supply. Others create situations between people so they and their competitors will profit from the lack of knowledge or inexperience of people, for example advocates and accountants.

    Regarding a part 5, I think that would be very useful Celes, family members tend to repeat the same cycle over and over again. They don’t want to change or find change so difficult because it means a lot their values, principles, and beliefs on how they have lived so far needs updating. Relatives support each other in their judgements and remind each other how they should perform often using tactics which are detrimental to certain members of the family. This could be the youngest, oldest, weakest and so on. Maintaining family members in positions of weakness allows them to exert a power of fear by using manipulative techniques – if you don’t do Y you won’t get Z. You have to stay in position B and not move to C and so on. Classic examples of this are conditional love and conditional money.

    An excellent series of articles Celes, a classic PE to bookmark and refer to frequently!

  • Sanette

    Hi Celes,

    I found this article very helpful. Yes, I feel angry at times, but people around me think I’m ok. I find that I become more unhappy when I’m irritated by selfish, inconsiderate people. I would appreciate your next article on how to deal with angry people. I try to avoid them as angry people scare me. I had some bad experiences as a child with angry people. Sometimes I have to work with angry people. I pretend to be fine and smile (nervous reaction) a lot and try to cheer them up. I have found that angry people get even more angry if you smile at them. Please help. :(

    Thank you,

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      Hi Sanette! I’m so sorry to hear that angry people scare you. I myself try to stay away from angry people too as there’s no knowing when they will explode in anger, and we definitely don’t need such ticking time bombs in our lives. I will be working on a part 5, so do stay tuned for that. :)

  • http://karenyvonne.net/ Karen

    Great Post. At first I wasn’t sure that digging into the anger would be very effective because it could just produce more anger. Now, (thanks to your illustration) It makes perfect sense. It takes the attention off of the person and onto ourselves. Therefore we are no focusing on what we can’t control and onto what we can control… ourselves. As a result it subsides the anger. Thanks again!

  • Assad

    Hi Celes, I have become a fan of many of your articles, thanks to my brother exposing me to your site.

    I realized this article is helpful, but also raises a question.

    I find that much of my anger connects with perceptions of injustice, primarily (but not limited to) all sorts of activity that occurs around the world, in foreign affairs, and the actions of governments and militaries. For example, the recent violence in Gaza.

    I have not pushed myself through the steps, but I do intend to because I think there will be some childhood experiences that connect.

    My question is, is there a possibility that there is a role or purpose for having anger sometimes? Is it possible that anger can be a good thing to compel action or needed changes?

    Some random questions. I notice that anger drives me to do heavy research into various conflicts and history, for example.

    If you disagree with the possibility, I would appreciate any reasons you could offer!

    -Assad

    • http://personalexcellence.co Celes

      There is only a role for something if you create the role for it. Two readers have gleaned on a similar point in their comments which I’ve addressed below:
      http://personalexcellence.co/blog/anger/comment-page-1/#comment-30273
      http://personalexcellence.co/blog/anger/comment-page-1/#comment-30544

      The point here is that whatever people tend to justify anger as helping them to achieve, can be achieved all the same, if not better, without anger. Compulsion to achieve goals? One doesn’t need anger to do that; in fact one can achieve better results by tapping into love, passion, and inner drive to achieve one’s goals than using anger as a driver. Ability to stand up for oneself? One doesn’t need anger to do that—what one needs is a sense of self-worth, self-knowingness, and ability to say no. Anger, when present, burns ourselves and burns others. It’s not necessary to achieve any of the things that we claim we need it to achieve, and by not having it, we are more conscious to make decisions and think as conscious beings to.

      Thanks Assad for taking the time to leave a comment! I’m glad that you like the other articles here at PE too. :D

  • Sawsan

    I am a mother of two babies (one is 30 months old and the other is 10 months old). I am a teacher but I work part-time to have more time for the babies and the house. My husband doesn’t really help although he thinks he does. I’ve been angry 5level 4) for about 4 months now. It’s harming my family but I’m too tired to think how to get out of the mess. I am an angry family member. I think a fifth part would be helpful. Thank you for advice. The anger series is great.

  • sunny369

    Thank you so much for this, it has certainly opened my eyes and I can see I still have a lot of work still to do with myself.
    A part 5 on angry family members would certainly be of value to me and my daughter living as we do with an angry person!

  • http://www.gauraw.com Kumar Gauraw

    Wow! What an amazing article. I landed here from DumbLittleMan.com and I am so glad I did.

    I just noticed that it is the 4th article in the series and there is a 5th one coming. Now I need to go back to other 3 articles to get the full perspective and I will. Therefore, I am right now bookmarking this website to come back and absorb the information shared here. Wow! So much information in such a detailed manner!

    Thank you for this awesome article, again.

    Regards,
    Kumar

  • http://mydulcevita.tumblr.com dEsPaRcHaDa

    I would sooooooooooooooooooooo love that you write on how to deal with angry family members. It would actually be a life-saver, actually. My dad is over-board with his anger and we’ve sent him to anger management classes and nothing has helped. We NEED this, please! Thank you very much!

  • Melissa

    I would love for you to write about how to handle angry family members. My family and I could really benefit from that.
    Thank you for all that you do!

  • Kate

    Please, please do a part on angry family members. I really need it!