Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship

This is part 4 of a 5-part series on Moving On From Relationships.

  1. How I Moved On From a Heartbreak – Part-1: My Journey With Love
  2. How I Moved On From a Heartbreak – Part-2: Heartbreak and Sadness
  3. How I Moved On From a Heartbreak – Part-3: Forgiveness, Closure and Moving On
  4. Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship
  5. 10 Steps to Move On From a Relationship

Note from Celes: Thanks a lot for all your feedback for the series so far :) It seems like many of you have been/are in similar predicaments, and I’m glad that this can be of help in any way at all. For those who came across this article from another site, start off from Part-1 of the series.


Funny as it may be, most of the times, we aren’t even aware we need to move on from a relationship until it becomes evident. Some of us logically know we should move on – yet we linger on anyway.

For me, even though I had concluded in 2005 that I had to move on with G, I was still wrapped around in a loop in 2006, and again in 2008, because each time the circumstances gave me the impression that it was different this time round.  It wasn’t until the situation reached the same dead end for the third time that I finally realized it was time to move on for good.

As I look back and as I look around at friends who have been or are currently in similar situations, I realize there are common reasons arise as to why we couldn’t / don’t / can’t move on. For example:

  • The truth hurts. Sometimes the truth is more than we can take. So to make things easier, we continue to live in our false reality. Some of my friends keep returning to ex-es who treated them badly or cheated on them in the past. They feel it’s much easier to believe in the faith of their ex-es than admit to themselves that their boyfriends don’t treasure their relationship that much.
  • The other party is giving ambiguous, misleading signals. This was the case for me and G. Behavior that’s more romantic than platonic. Behavior that spills over the domain of friendship. This led me to think there was something more. Based on your comments , it would seem many of you are caught in the same situation too.
  • The other party is giving mixed signals. When we try to get closer, he/she shys away. Then when we try to move on, he/she suddenly tries to get closer. Such confusing behavior, such conflicting actions. What should we do instead then? In the end, some of us choose to linger around, hoping it’ll eventually lead to a positive place.
  • We don’t believe we can ever find someone like him/her. Even though we meet new people, we can’t find someone who matches up. What if there’s no one else out there? It’s so hard to even fathom that. I think a lot of us choose to hang on because we are afraid we can’t ever find someone in the future. The fear of being alone drives us to cling on even when all seems lost.
  • We are afraid of what’s next if we let go / move on. Having grown comfortable in the relationship, we are afraid of the change that will ensue if we break away from it. What’s going to happen to me? How will my life change? But I’m already so comfortable with him/her! Will I be able to adapt to this new life? Thich Nhat Hanh said it well when he said “We rather stick with suffering that is familiar than pain that we don’t know“.

No matter what the reason is, avoidance never brings us anywhere in the long-term. It’s better to identify when a relationship is going nowhere so we can address it accordingly, rather than cling onto it in blind hopes that things will change. If we hold on to relationships that are not meant to be, we can never attract new things into our life. We will forever be living in the past than moving forward into the future.

Having been through a relationship which led to nowhere, I’ve learned some telling signs on when it’s time to move on. Below are top 12 signs to know when it’s time to move on from a relationship – in particular romantic ones. They will be relevant whether it’s a budding romantic relationship, a new/existing relationship or a past connection.

Out of these 12 signs, I’ve reapplied the 5 signs from when to part ways with friends. That’s because a romantic relationship is built on the same underlying pillars as friendship. The difference between them is the level of intensity. A romantic relationship is much more intense since the parties are usually more closely bounded together.

Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship

#1. When you live in past memories more than the present.

Do you replay the happy moments of the relationship to make you feel good about it? Do you use them as reasons to continue on with him/her? If so, it’s a sign your current relationship isn’t how you want it to be. The more we live in the past memories and/or a self-created future, the more we are living in a self-created reality. This is dangerous since it’s not reflective of the actual state of the relationship.

You have to remember your relationship with the person exists in the current moment. Not in the past. Past memories should remain as memories and not as a reason to stay together. Your decision on whether to stay with the person should be based on your current feelings for him/her, the actual state of the relationship and the future you see with him/her.

#2. When the relationship brings you more pain than joy.

Sometimes, we tend to be blinded by the past happy moments of the relationship. To the extent we forget about all the unhappiness it brings us. If your relationship leaves you frustrated/upset/unhappy more often than not; If your relationship is leaving you in tears every so often, perhaps this might not be the right person for you. The relationship you are in now should be one which brings you happiness now. Just like #1, if the main source of happiness of your relationship is from past memories, something is amiss.

#3. When he/she expects you to change.

The truest form of love is one that’s unconditional. Your partner shouldn’t expect you to change, unless it’s for your well-being (such as to quit smoking or to adopt a healthier diet). Some of my friends had ex-boyfriends who wanted them to change, such as to dress up more often to look prettier or to lose weight when said friend was of healthy weight. There was even one who actually suggested my friend to shave her arm and leg hair because he felt it was a given for girls!

The issue here isn’t about you. The issue isn’t about the change itself either. The issue is about the expectation of you to change. While some requests may start off seemingly normal/benign, they will quickly build on over time. Even as you concede to the requests, more will come. It marks the first step of him/her trying to mold you into his/her expectations of you, rather than you growing into your own.

#4. When you stay on, expecting he/she will change.

The above applies for the other person as much as it applies for you. If you are staying on / getting into the relationship expecting the person to change, you are in this for the wrong reason. You are trying to change the person to fit your expectations, rather than accept him/her as the individual he/she is.

Even if the person does changes, soon you will have something else you want him/her to change. You will never be fully satisfied with how he/she is. The worst thing is, if the other person isn’t conscious, he/she will keep changing just to fit your expectations. In the end, he/she will just end up being your shadow.

This happened between my ex-best friend, K, and me. While we were not in a romantic relationship, some issues we faced in our friendship are probably similar to what others face in their romantic relationships. Through our friendship, I began to see him as an extension of me, rather than as a separate individual. K did not have a very strong self-identity at the time, so unfortunately he kept changing to fit what I wanted. In the end, he was became my shadow. After 10 years of friendship, we had to part ways, because it was the better path for us to grow as individuals – for him to grow into his own, and for me to grow into my own as well.

#5. When you keep justifying his/her actions to yourself.

Whenever we experience a situation we’re uncomfortable about, we experience cognitive dissonance. It refers to the discomfort from being faced with something that conflicts against our beliefs. When this happens, we try to come up with explanations, justifications so we can feel good about the situation.

This if we feel the need to justify an action, that means we are uncomfortable with the action itself and we want to explain away the discomfort. The danger behind this is that the explanations are self-created and may or may not be true. If  you are repeatedly justifying his/her actions, the relationship becomes built on your rationalizations, rather than the reality. Likelihood is that you are living in your world of false assurances rather than the truth.

Back in 2005 when the relationship between G and I was in the state of ambiguity, I would think of different reasons to justify why nothing was happening. Maybe he didn’t know what to do. Maybe he was shy. Maybe he wasn’t sure of what to do with the relationship. Maybe studies was his priority. Maybe I should take the first step.

However reality was he wasn’t taking action. Everything else was just made up in my mind to fill up the gap between this reality and my expectations. By creating all these justifications, I had unknowingly created a mental jigsaw which I had to slowly peel away in the later years.

To see reality as it is, see the actions as they are and let them speak for themselves. Actions ultimately speak louder than words.

#6. When he/she is causing you emotional/physical/verbal hurt.

Physical and verbal abuse are definite no-no’s. There is clearly something wrong if the other party abuses/hits/curses/swears at you, no matter how he/she tries to make up for it later. Even if it may be the spur of the moment, the fact that he/she lets slip in that moment shows there is something deep inside him/her that needs addressing.

Emotional hurt is trickier. A lot of people negate emotional hurt because it’s not visible. Ignore it, and it’s not there. But emotional hurt is hurt all the same, if not worse. The wounds that are hardest to heal are the emotional ones, not the physical ones.

I was emotionally hurt by G when he flippantly led me on with his words and behavior, even after I told him not to do it. This had a lingering effect on me for years even after I broke away, which took a long while to heal. Even though he may not have realized what his words/actions did to me, the fact was that he wasn’t conscious enough about my feelings to realize the hurt he was causing me.

The point of this example isn’t to persecute anyone, but to illustrate that the other party should be someone who respects you and is conscious enough of your feelings/well-being not to let you be hurt. If he/she has caused you hurt, you need to bring it to his/her awareness and address it together. Keeping mum about it is like handing a free pass to let the hurting behavior continue. If the same thing happens even after you have made efforts to address it, you need to reevaluate the relationship. If he/she can’t care for you properly, he/she might not be the right person for you.

#7. When the same situation/issue recurs even though you tried addressing it.

Once might be a coincidence. Twice, you might want to give another chance. But 3 times is a clear sign something is wrong. I finally realized nothing was coming out from the relationship between G and I after our loop played out the third time. Each time, I did what I could to make it work out, but it always stopped at the same end. It was more than enough evidence that this was the end.

Do you find yourself in replay mode in your relationship? Do you keep landing in the same situation, the same scenario, the same outcome, time and again, no matter what you do? If so, perhaps you need to accept this is the furthest the relationship can get to. You can keep pressing on, but it’s a matter of time before it sinks in that there’s nothing further to go. This is the end of the road. There is a future for you and him/her, and this relationship isn’t the route to that future.

#8. When he/she puts little to no effort in the relationship.

Every relationship requires effort by the duo. The same applies for familial bonds, friendships, mentorships and most definitely love. Both of you have to commit to the relationship together. If you are constantly the one putting in more effort, sooner than later it’ll drain you. You have to give more and more just to keep the relationship afloat. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will only become bigger and bigger over time. Soon you sink your whole self into it, losing your self identity in the process.

When you see relationships where one is investing way more effort than the other, they are usually headed to doomsville. Some of my friends were in such situations. They invested themselves into their relationships and poured in their hearts and souls. Their partners, on the other hand, only put in a fraction of that. They barely cared – it seemed as if the relationship was just a nice add-on to their lives, rather than something they really valued. Soon, said partners began drifting away. My friends kept giving more and more, hoping they could salvage the situation. This only slowed down breaking off process but didn’t prevent it.

Don’t get me wrong – it is possible for a relationship to last even when one party is putting in more effort than the other. However, are you prepared to do that for the rest of your life? Is your ideal relationship partner someone who doesn’t care to invest as much effort into the relationship as you? I personally think all of us deserves someone who treasures us fully, who wants to be with us as much as we want to be with us. To have it any other way is like having a car with a tyre busted – it’ll keep moving in a slant until it eventually drives off the cliff.

#9. When your fundamental values and beliefs are different.

For any friendship or relationship to work out, there has to be certain similarity in fundamental values. Similarity in these values are the big rocks which will hold the friendship in place. Even if other things are dissimilar, the big rocks will enable the friendship to weather through even the toughest storms ahead.

On the other hand, if your core values are fundamentally different, it doesn’t matter even if everything else is same. The journey to keep the relationship together will only become an uphill battle. It’s just like trying to hold the soil of the ground together in a heavy rain. Without the roots of the tree to hold this soil together, everything will  just slip away against your best efforts.

I believe the most important thing in life is to first be true to ourselves. While conformance has its merits, it should never be done at the expense of our own growth or our values. Compromising on your personal values just to keep a friendship afloat will ultimately only make you miserable. What’s worse, because your true self is repressed, you start to wrap your identity around the friendship. This was what happened to K, which was why we had to let go of the relationship partly so he could grow into his own. You need to first be true to who you are before any meaningful relationship can be formed.

Sometimes, it’s possible both of you start off with the same values system. Over time, there will be changes. Maybe he grew to be a different person. Maybe you did. Maybe both of you changed. The changes may result in change in your fundamental philosophies, to the point where they no longer fit. If you can no longer connect with the person in the same manner as before, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

#10. When the relationship holds you back, hence preventing both of you from growing as individuals.

A relationship is ultimately a third entity formed due to two individuals. Every relationship evolves based on how both parties are growing. Sometimes both parties grow at the same pace. There are times where the relationship is one of stagnancy, where both parties don’t grow. Then there are times when one outgrows the other, by a large margin.

When this happens, you have two options (i) change the dynamics of the relationship to fit this new development, or change yourself  to maintain the same dynamics. As I shared above, it’s most important to first be true to ourselves. Determine who you are and who you want to be, then decide if this relationship is one that is compatible with you. A relationship that hinders you from growing into your own isn’t the best one for you. On top of that, if you are not able to grow into your own, chances are your partner is facing a similar blockage as well. A real relationship should be one that enables you in your personal life journey, so you can then enable your partner in his/her life journeys as well.

#11.When you stay on, expecting things to get better.

This is similar to #1, except it pertains to the future. Just like how you don’t live in the past, you don’t live in the future. You can hope that the future will be better, but the fact is you live now. If the only thing that’s making you hold on is the hope of a better future, the relationship isn’t exactly built on solid grounds. The future you wish for is one of the many possibilities that can occur, a possibility that may never come to reality. It’s dangerous to base the fate of the relationship on something that might not occur. A building built on a shaky foundation will crash to an unsightly end when the foundation gives way.

#12. When neither of you feel the same way about each other.

Things change. People change. If the feelings are no longer there, it’s time to move on. Some of you might linger on in a relationship even though the feelings are gone. Perhaps it has become part of your routine and you don’t know what to do once you break away. Some of you continue on because the relationship still serves certain functional purposes, such as companionship.

Yet, a relationship without the mutual feelings is like a body without a heart. There’s no soul or life in it. If you no longer have feelings for the other party, staying on is doing the other person an injustice. More importantly, it’s doing you a huge injustice. It’s best for him/her and you to part ways so you can move to better places.

If the other person doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, holding on to him/her only drags out the misery. Realize that “True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.” Just because you love the person doesn’t mean you have to be with the person. True love exists outside of the physical fabric of a relationship. This is just a form of expression of love, but in no way is the single definition of love.

I’ll end off this article with a final quote:

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.– Author Unknown

Thank you to all of you for all your support, encouragement and constructive comments on the series so far. It’s been a nostalgic and heartwarming experience writing everything and I really hope this has been helpful to you, wherever you are in life right now.

Read the concluding part of this moving on series – 10 Steps to Move On From a Relationship.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From a Relationship

This is part-4 of a 5-part series on Moving On From Relationships.

  1. How I Moved On From a Heartbreak – Part-1: My Journey With Love
  2. How I Moved On From a Heartbreak – Part-2: Heartbreak and Sadness
  3. How I Moved On From a Heartbreak – Part-3: Forgiveness, Closure and Moving On
  4. Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship
  5. 10 Steps to Move On From a Relationship

Images: Dandelion, DandelionsGirl back

  • SB

    Hi Celes,
    It is really amazing that when I was reading this series, I had a feeling that it is my story and you are writing it for me. I have gone through the same what you have gone through. But after 7 years of relationship, we decided to part our ways, though I was not so determined as he was. Initially, it was very hurting but time being a great heeler has helped me to overcome those emotional storms. I haven’t yet found my soulmate but I am more than sure and confident that I will get the better person as my soulmate that what I left behind.
    Many thanks for sharing your feelings and helping your reader to become emotionally stronger. Appreciating your steps of sharing your emotional side.


  • Eva

    Hi again Celes,

    I’ve been reading these series of articles on relationships very carefully and want to thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts on this.

    I hope that our generation (thanks to teachers like you and others) comes to understand the value of being true to oneself—living with authenticity—and then bringing this to the relationship realm where we partner up with life-mates who help us live our best lives as well! Being in a soulmate relationship is so much more powerful than being in any old relationship and is another part of being fully alive and living a life of excellence.

    Thank you for all your work toward leading yourself and others on this path.


  • Cheryl Paris

    Hello Celes,

    Thanks for putting it together. I know it may be difficult to write all this but as you are over with it. Believe me it is a step toward a better and wonderful future.

    • Celes

      Hey Cheryl, thanks for your comment. Actually it was not difficult to write any of it because I’ve already moved on from the issue (and hence why I decided to write the series). Majority of the material on PE are written only when I’ve tackled the issues, else the pointers I share may not be as helpful as they can be.

  • Jsan

    A lot of this is about perspective. Who is to say one’s perspective is more ‘right’ than the other?

    And shouldn’t you really need to have been IN a proper relationship (say, one where both parties AGREE they are in a relationship) before you can comment on these things?

    Does a pseudo-relationship count? What is more romantic than platonic? How do you tell?

    • Eri

      Actually, the signs she listed in this article are quite general and sensible in that they could be applied to any sort of relationships. Not having had a proper relationship does not prevent her from having good common sense. For example, you don’t need to have been in an abusive relationship to be able to know and comment on the fact that abusive relationships are bad for you.

    • Celes

      Hi Jsan, nowhere did I state that my perspective is more ‘right’ than others. The objective of writing this (or any of the material on PE for that matter) is to share my experiences and learnings from my perspective, after which it is up to the reader to discern and take what applies for him/her.

  • Rach

    Very good story and advice. Does the same still occurs if the guy is inexperienced with women?

    • Celestine Chua

      I’m not sure specifically what is the context you are referring to, but generally if you’re left wondering day and night whether this guy likes you or not, and the guy simply isn’t taking enough action or giving enough signs (if at all) that show he is interested, then perhaps it’s either time to move on or make the first move yourself.

      For further reading:

      • Rach

        We have known each other for 3 months, i havent seen him for nearly a month due to him working. we always kissed eachother goodbye, he said we could be together once he has got his life sorted, now he wants space he said he said he will talk to me soon though this was on Monday when he said that :)

      • Educate Yourself

        What if you make the move and the person is still not into it even though people tell you that person wants you too. What do you do? What I did was end all contacts with that person. I don’t regret it. But I am lonely. I will get used to it.

  • stokeskathy13

    Been with him 4 yrs he breaks up with all the time for stuff he thinks i did he is so bitter towards me, but he dont act this way when he wants sex i am emotionally drain i dont know what day to day will be like please help

  • Kris23

    What if i am the one causing too much pain to my partner? And he seems to forgive me everytime.. should we move on already?

    • Celestine Chua

      You need to ask yourself if he is the one you want to be with and if this relationship is what you want for yourself. If one person is suffering, the relationship can’t be thriving.

      Here’s an article to help you weight things out:

  • Jess

    I just broke up with my boyf and I was debating whether I was acting too quickly without thinking. After reading this I now know I have made the right decision and going to stick to it. Too many of your signs had related to my relationship and it is now crystal clear.Thank you

  • BushidoBrown76

    This is tough as I feel women in these types of situations get the benefit of the doubt regardless. If she wants you then you should be a man and be with her. If she doesnt want you then you should be a man and let her go. Its the same with moving in and marriage. Whatever she wants then thats what should happen. Weird double standard. They are somehow allowed to pressure you but if the shoes were on the other foot they wouldnt like to be pressured.

  • relationship helpless

    I am in love with my almost five years boyfriend .
    We been on and off with my boyfriend with me always breaking up with him either thru stress or feeling full of emotions but I couldn’t face him so I just ran away.

    I am quite a shy person and grew up not expressing myself while my boyfriend expresses himself freely.We broke for the 6th time last July 2013 and got back together in September because we started to communicate and discovered more about us and what went wrong.

    He told me he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship because he still wanted to explore life and I shouldn’t wait for him then again he wished I could wait for him but I told him I couldn’t wait for him if he doesn’t want me .Either we take time off completely or get back together and try hard to communicate better .

    Fast track 10 months later June 2014 we just broke up again because he is unhappy in the relationship and doesn’t see future with me.This happened because I asked him if he sees me down the road marrying me or where the relationship is heading because I felt we were heading the same doom direction again and we needed to build better fundamentals as I know we are weak at it.

    Oh I am 25 and he is turning 32 we met when he was 29 years old.I am mature for my age and look at life in two ways and forgive a lot but also apologize when I feel I did something wrong.My boyfriend is a kind person but he is selfish at times which he admits to me and also he does admit to his wrongs.In our relationship there have been cheating and emotional cheating twice every time he traveled with his cousin.

    He told me that the emotional cheating happened because it was hard fot him to communicate with me and he felt that I was not listening to him and the first cheating was because he felt alone and push away because we have been apart for 3months and felt I didn’t love him.Which I understand I had a part of it too by not insuring him that he is important to me and yes I did take him for granted as he too me for granted too and I forgave him.

    But he has not forgave himself and always brings the past into the future.I know we all make mistakes whether it is cheating,gambling or being late to work all the time.That is why I forgave him that I was not available enough as I was in Africa and he was North America then I came back North America and he left for his Vocation to Cuba for two weeks.

    I honestly love my boyfriend because I know his not perfect and needs guidance like all men in life do and so do I.
    Before I asked him whether he sees himself marrying me …he had expressed to me that he is in debt and wants to finish paying it off and start a business and buy a house.I am in the same mind set as him too because I feel not fair that his paying for every date,bills and travels while I am struggling to save.I feel a burden to him and I have so much things in my mind that I need to handle which includes learning to cook,debt,becoming more organized so my messy habit can get better.,looking for a nice paying job because I feel judged when people hear I work for minimum wage.

    I was distancing myself from him too because i feel like i am not yet a wifey material being messy and all.I do not wish to get married either if I don’t get my financial situation down and I don’t want him to help me with it either.I love him so much thru all the pain and sadness we go thru and I feel like he doesn’t mean what he says just to sound strong and his ego is such a strong pride of his.But at the same time I have to let go of this relationship because I now I am not giving 100 percent with all of my concerns maybe 75% I am giving and the same I feel his going thru so much because he wants to give me everything but his still establishing himself and his not great at multitasking .

    We work together well and when I sleep near him all my heart is crying to hold on to him closely but I can’t because I have financial issues and still don’t know how to start my career. I am not happy with myself and how can I love or maintain a happy relationship.I have taken a lot of tests whether to leave him and they all said that I have a healthy relationship with my partner but there is something that is keeping as from gaining a unconditional and content relationship .I know I am having hard time trusting him traveling abroad but most of the time I trust him and don’t call him when his gone with his guy friends.

    Maybe I seem weak but I can’t hold the past against him as we both decided to move forward together…right?But he is still living in the past and still is hurting by his disloyalty to me but to me disloyalty and trust can be rebuilt thru a lot of factors and self forgiveness. For me to say I can do better and punish him for something that I was not giving him.

    I granted his wish to end the relationship and he asked me of I see the relationship heading somewhere which I do think it will because even thou I get mad at him my heart wants him and hurts bad when his hurting but I also know his has lost his self esteem which is up to him to gain it back.May I being stupid or breaking up will be best for both of us.Why do we both always run back into each others arms?Our we are forcing our relationship or we just are not in the right mind set to have a relationship right now and should let time pass by maybe he will come back to me ?Right now I feel like I need to grow more alone so I understand his situation maybe is the same too.

    • gladys

      I feel the same way to.

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  • A Certain Lady

    You are talented! Well written. In depth and to the point. Covered heart, mind and soul. You make the psychology of it all more understandable. Your work is very much appreciated.

    A Certain Lady

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    Saved it. For saving time and pain.

  • MelissaG

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me after I stated that I was unhappy. It was my fault for stating it the way I did but I was just unhappy about something small. Our relationship was great until I made that simple mistake. After our breakup we still was intimate and he was leading me on. I tried everything to get back what I had but I failed. Now I am hurting because I don’t understand why he couldn’t give me another try, why he lead me on or why we couldn’t just talked it out. He has a new girlfriend now and it just really hurts emotional I love him. I really miss what I had and keep beating myself up about what happened. I lost my ego and I just feel like I won’t find a better guy then he was.. I need help to move on any advice please.

    • Rasha

      It’s been 3 months so I hope you are better.
      But look up a book by Pema chodron called “getting unstuck”


  • River

    I was with my partner for 3 years, when we met we were best friends and nothing else, he was such a kind thoughtful person that I fell for him and I knew he loved me. I felt like he was the one I would marry. When he asked me to be his girlfriend I was really happy but also worried because I didn’t want to ruin what we had as friends. I told him this and also told him that I needed reassurance in a relationship because I had had a previous abusive relationship which made me anxious about being in one. He told me he would look after me and love me like I deserved. I trusted him. Fast track to 3 years later and the relationship was the complete opposite to how he was when we were friends, he constantly put me down, made me feel insignificant and useless, was emotionally abusive and aggressive. Drank alcohol regularly which made him really aggressive. I was so confused by it all because of how perfect we were as friends that I stayed and blamed it on myself. I told myself I wasn’t trying hard enough to make him happy. In the end I finally started to see it wasn’t me with the problem after he attacked me last year and after that he kept being verbally and emotionally abusive regularly, every time he would be nice the next day making me feel he was sorry, then when I started to feel okay he would do it again. I ended it January this year and moved out. Now since I’ve ended it he has been like he was when I first me him, kind, thoughtful, loving always complimenting me, trying to make me feel good. He’s always saying how he wants me to be his wife and that he knows he’s done wrong and didn’t appreciate me but he sees that now and wants to put it right. It’s so confusing! It’s made me feel like he’s my best friend again. When we were together I gave him so many chances and I spoke to him so many times about the way he was making me feel but nothing changed, as soon as I leave it’s like it’s all clicked and he’s the perfect man all of a sudden! How do I know if I should trust him, I love him and I’m finding it difficult to know what to do, I feel like if we got back together he would just go back to how he was before. I want to move on but I’m scared I should be giving him another chance now he’s seen what he has done. He hurt me so much in the relationship and completely stripped me of the confidence I had built up. I believe in forgiving a person but I also want to be appreciated and respected. Help!

  • hurting heart

    My boyfriend of one year just recently broke up with me. Everything was fine on Saturday and Sunday night he dumped me. He said several things and made me believe that we were just taking a break. I tried contacting him on Monday and he said that in a week or two he would send me a letter to explain his reasoning. He says that we aren’t compatible and we aren’t meant to be together. I honestly don’t agree. I believe that he came into my life at the wrong time. I have a lot of things to take care of right now. He is an accomplished engineer at GM and I am struggling with saving for a car. I am trying to talk to him after he wouldn’t answer any of my questions this past week. Is there any advice you have for me?