How I Found My Soulmate in Life, Part 1: My Journey in Love

This is part one of my love series where I share my love journey, how I met my soulmate (Ken Soh), and how to attract authentic love into your life.

Ken giving me a piggyback ride in the forest-park

Ken giving me a piggyback ride. :) Ken is always carrying me around because he loves to do it, whether we are at home or out.  (Photo from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot)

So many of you have been asking me, since I got attached (and subsequently engaged), how I got to know my then-boyfriend and now-fiance, Ken Soh. Some of you requested to know how we got together, while some of you asked how we knew, with such certainty, that we are the ones for each other — in such a short period no less (we’ve been together for about four months now).

Initially I wanted to hold off writing about the story of how we met and all till closer to our wedding day, because I didn’t want people to diminish the message I have to share because we have not been together long (in Earth time anyway).

However, the truth is that even though Ken and I have not been together long, it feels like we have known each other all along. (And I’m not saying it in some teen-girl-fantasy way; I’m saying it in a matter-of-fact fashion.) We may well have been lovers or deeply connected in our past lives, because our connection transcends beyond any connection I’ve ever known or dreamed possible.

I’m excited to share my love story because I want to inspire all of you who are seeking love or have yet to find love. Regardless of whether you are single or attached, I hope my/our story will give you hope about love. I never knew that such a perfect person in Ken could exist, much less wind up to be my life partner. In this series, I will share the story of how we met, got attached, and quickly realized that we are meant for each other in this lifetime (and beyond), among other things.

If “soulmates” mean two souls having an unexplainable affinity for each other be it mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, then that’s what Ken and I are to each other — soulmates, on all levels.

Here goes. :)

My Journey in Love (Up Until I was 28)

Love

I’ve already shared parts of my love journey here and there in my past five years of running PE. From my longstanding singlehood, to my past heartbreak, and to my recent sponsored experience at Lunch Actually (a lunch dating agency), these are all part and parcel of my love journey.

But to give you guys a complete picture, up until I got attached to Ken, I was single for the most part of the first 28 years of my life (I’m 29 as of the writing of this article; I got together with Ken two months before I turned 29).

I grew up in a household where my parents staunchly ruled that I was not allowed to see anyone until I graduated. (And when I say ‘graduated’, I mean completely graduating from school i.e., university when I was 22). While I never gave their opinions second thought, I believe their staunch views subconsciously made me devalue my desire to be with someone.

I had a couple of relationships when I was in secondary school, but they were very short-term — each lasting no more than a couple of weeks. They were so insignificant and juvenile that I wouldn’t even regard them as relationships, which was why I would tell others that I had never been in a relationship when people asked me about my romantic history.

When I was in university, I liked someone (as I have written in my moving on series, regarding G). It didn’t work out and I was left crushed, taking years to mend my broken heart thereafter.

Yellow leaves

(Of course it all worked out well in the end because I eventually met Ken, my real soulmate, but more on that later. And thinking back, I realized G was never a true compatible match because had we gotten together back then, I would never have evolved to who I am today; he would also not a fit for the person I’ve become.)

I grew up very career-driven and achievement-oriented. To me relationships come and go, but personal achievements and career — these stick forever. Seeing and hearing of couples part ways after three, five, ten, or even more years simply re-enforced the transient nature of relationships in my mind and that I shouldn’t invest too heavily in something that wouldn’t last. (Of course, I later realized this belief wasn’t true and had limited me from getting attached.)

Never Been in a Serious (Long-Term) Relationship Before

Alone

Not wanting to be in a relationship for the sake of it

Even though I had never been in a serious relationship before, it wasn’t because I wasn’t appealing enough or that I lacked male attention.

On appeal, I used to think that I wasn’t prettythin, or feminine enough to attract a good guy but I later realized that this wasn’t true and I was being stupid. I wrote about my revelations in The Beauty of Self – How I Used To Feel Inferior about My Looks and Why I No Longer Feel That Way TodayHow I Began to Love My Body (series), and How I Found My Place as a Female in Today’s World.

On attention from guys, I have always had male attention (even pickups), but things just never worked out. It was always either that the guy wasn’t a match or I had some interest but the guy didn’t follow up. I went out on dates, but nothing ever came out of them–I usually concluded we weren’t compatible after some dates (sometimes just one) and would just do the fade-away thing (which I later realized wasn’t very nice when I experienced that myself).

I wanted to be with someone but I didn’t see the point of being in a relationship for the sake of it. I wanted to be with someone I truly liked and saw a future with, rather than just get together with some guy I didn’t feel strongly for.

While I did have a couple of relationship potentials after my university heartbreak (both when I was 27), things just didn’t work out. I simply moved on after that, having learned how to move on consciously with the G saga (as I had detailed in my How I Moved On From a Heartbreak series).

Wondering if there was anyone out there for me

There were often times when I wondered if there was anyone out there for me at all. I would have lengthy chats with friends as we lamented about love and life, but my end conclusion would be that I (or anyone for that matter) had to remain hopeful. Whether or not there was someone for me, having a negative mindset about love wasn’t going to help me find love. I had to believe that there is a special someone out there for everyone and it’s by being positive and being my best self that I attract that person, whoever he may be.

My Dating Immersion Period: Jul–Dec 2012

Then towards June last year (2012), I reached a point where I wanted to give romance a serious stab.

Girl with a smile

Work-wise, I was in a very good place, receiving hundred thousands of pageviews a month on PE and getting ongoing media coverageMajority of my income was passive, which meant I had much free time to do whatever I wanted and pursue personal goals such as traveling, connecting with people, fostering bonds, and helping others.

I was happy with other areas in my life wheel, such as health and fitness (I had cleaned up my diet over the years and was exercising regularly), contribution (I was giving value to the society daily through my work on PE), friendships (I was surrounded by positive, like-minded people), family (my relationship with my parents was better than before), and personal growth (I was more conscious than I had ever been).

I felt I was living my most purposeful life ever and it was time to take things to the next level by working on the one area I had not actualized yet–love. I felt I owed it to myself to give love a serious stab because, truth be told, I had simply been putting love on hold all my life. I felt it was high time to put myself out there, go on dates (be it blind dates or otherwise), and seriously explore going into a relationship with someone (vs. just playing lip service to the idea). And better to do it then than later, given that I was 28 and (what I felt to be) a prime age to date and seek out a serious relationship partner.

Arranged Dating

So I did. In July 2012, I joined Lunch Actually (a leading dating agency in Asia; they sponsored my dating package). I figured I would not rely on LA to get dates or to find a partner but simply to use it as an extra channel to meet new, like-minded people.

Massive Socializing and Networking

I also started massively expanding my social circle.

Socializing

While I was already meeting new people on an ongoing basis, many meetings were sporadic and only on a one-to-one basis. I felt I could do better in meeting like-minded people in a more regimented fashion.

My answer? Meetup groups — targeted ones. I joined entrepreneur networking and business events since they are in line with my interests and they will help with my work. I also felt that meeting people in such environments was the best way to showcase the real me, since work is such a huge part of my life.

Dating Events

I became open to date-related activities like singles events — a first since I would put them down as dumb and awkward in the past. My good friend, W, is single and joins singles events occasionally, so I would join him if I was free and the event looked promising.

With Friends

I made it known to others that I was open to date and gave the opening for friends to set me up if they wanted to.

I also constantly checked with friends and acquaintances if they had upcoming events I could join in. Where people invited me to birthday parties, house parties, networking events, talks, and so on, I would gladly accept their invitations. To me, these were all opportunities to meet new people, on top of attending for the event itself.

To Guys Who Ask Me Out

On a personal level, I became more open to date requests.

To the guys who asked me out, be it from my personal circle or business contacts, I would accept their dates unless I really had no interest. This was a far cry from the past, when I turned down almost every guy based on the most whimsical of factors. (The latter is a terminalistic approach by the way, something I mentioned in Step #10 of  10 Steps to Attract Authentic Love into Your Life.)

Dating Spree — A Memorable Experience

So for the next six months between July to December, I went on more dates than I had ever gone my entire life. I could easily be on three to four dates a week, some of which were with pretty eligible men too.

If I had intentionally deprived myself in love/romance in my past 28 years, I had my fill of dates and dating stories in this period–more than some could even talk about in a lifetime.

As if law of attraction was at work, guys would suddenly spring out of the blue to ask me out — and these could be guys I already knew from before but never stayed in touch with. It was like I was putting out the intention to date and the universe, having received that, was helping to make that happen.

I even had married guys hit on me, something which I disagree with as infidelity is an act of dishonesty. I would immediately reject such guys. Read more: What I Have Learned From Being Hit On by Married Men.

During this period, I learned much about myself and what I seek in a relationship partner. While I had always had a good idea of what I would like in a guy, this dating phase developed my awareness to a whole new level. I also learned how I could be a better date and partner to another if I were to enter a relationship in the future.

However… Still Single in the End… and “Back to Square One”

While the guys I met throughout the six months were of increasing eligibility and compatibility, I still did not meet someone whom I wanted to start a relationship with.

I went on three singles parties with W and they were not my thing. The crowd and vibes of the first two events didn’t gel with me; the third event didn’t even take place — we couldn’t even find the organizer!

With the arranged dates by Lunch Actually, I realized after a couple of dates that I was meeting much more compatible guys through my own circles than them.

To be fair, maybe their database just didn’t have guys who would fit what I was looking for — after all, I am quite different from most females.

Also, I am actually very widely socialized compared to the average person — their service would probably help for people who have limited social circles due to their work or otherwise and totally have no time to meet new people. As an agency, they have great and friendly staff, ever ready to help.

As for dates from my own network, there were some promising prospects with strong compatibility points, but these were not enough for me to enter into a relationship with either of them. Given that I was already 28 with a clear idea of my values and life vision, I didn’t want to just enter in any relationship — I wanted to be with someone whom I potentially build a long-term relationship and see a future with. It wouldn’t be fair to the other person to enter into a relationship and break up one, two, or three months later anyway, given that it would be a waste of the person’s time and emotions too.

I felt that I was back to “square one”, back to being alone and myself after so many months of active dating and meeting eligible men. I felt disappointed, empty, and jaded. I felt like I was in limbo, circling round and round as a single.

Resting... waiting... anticipating.

It would be a matter of time before a special someone would enter (actually, re-enter) my life.

Proceed to Part 2: Appearance of Ken Soh (Someone I Knew Before), where I share the (re)entrance of someone whom I did not expect into my life.

This is part one of my love series where I share my love journey, how I met my soulmate (Ken Soh), and how to attract authentic love into your life.

Images: Piggyback ride, Red heart, Yellow leaves, Girl alone, Smiling girl, Socializing, Girl with leaf on face



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  • Ceridwen

    Love is such a beautiful thing. For me, my whole life changed when I met my boyfriend about 5 years ago. I have rarely felt such strong and intense emotions towards the same person over and over again and with every year, month, week,… I love him more. I cannot really describe those emotions and I cannot understand how so many people throw their “love” away for a quick adventure or “something new”. I simply do not understand. We’ve also had our problems (and sometimes still do), but together we solved them and we grew stronger.
    I’ve always had the fear that no one will ever really love me, but now we have it and we both know that quite a lot of people “envy” us. But I do not enjoy this, since I wish this kind of relationship for everyone.

    In 3 months we’ll finally move together and who knows what comes next… :3 I wouldn’t be surprised when we’ll get married within the next 2-4 years :3

    • http://www.starsparklex.blogspot.co.uk/ Moonsparkle

      Thanks for sharing your story too. It’s inspiring. :)

  • Simon

    It’s great to hear that you opened up to someone new :) You inspire me to bring out the best in me. But I do think there is no such thing as a soul mate. You can love and value someone on a very deep level but you CAN recreate this feeling with multiple persons. There’s no such thing as the “one true love” like movies and books depict, in my opinion. Like there is only one person roaming this earth that is a perfect match for you. True love isn’t limited to just one person. People just believe it is.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hey Simon, actually I never believed in that (the whole “soulmate” and “the one” thing) either until I met Ken. Either way, I don’t think it’s a notion one needs to believe or chase after actually; the point is that it’s when we focus on becoming our true selves that we start meeting our soul-level counterparts in life. I will share more of that in the other parts of the series. :)

    • http://www.starsparklex.blogspot.co.uk/ Moonsparkle

      I agree that the idea of there being just one person for you is very limiting because what if they died or would just never love you back or something? I wouldn’t want to spend my life thinking that my one chance was over. I like the idea that are multiple soulmates out there.

      • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

        You are right Moonsparkle! I don’t recommend that people think that there is just “ONE” person for them in this life and this is the only person they can ever be with forever. It may well be true, but it’s always to think from an abundance mindset (be it in love or relationships), which will attract the right matches for all of us.

        For me, Ken and my connection is almost unreal and to be honest, seriously not something I thought even existed in the universe until I actually experienced and saw it for myself. So in experiencing this, it made me realize that “Wow, this notion of ‘the right one’ and ‘one soulmate’ for you really does exist”, even though it was not something that was even in my realm of reality before. This is why I have referred to him and titled this series as such.

        The funny thing, though, is that I would probably never have reacquainted with him as a lover in this lifetime if I had hung on to such a notion of “having to meet the one”. (Same for him; he never believed in marriages or even sticking to one same partner for the rest of his life until he met me. He was always pretty nonchalant when it came to relationships. His past beliefs on relationships got blown out of the water after we met, and he only realized, on retrospection, that he cares so much and he has a strong primal instinct to want to be with me because he has met the one for him.)

        I think we should be open to different forms and manifestations of love, and includes being open to the possibility of different people being “right” matches for us. Some of us may have “one true soulmate” (with whom we have made arrangements in our past lives to meet in this life); some of us may have multiple possible partners, while some of us may not be meant for a romantic path (I actually thought I fell in this group, something I will share in Part 2). That’s fine and I don’t think it’s something we need to obsess about. Ultimately, having the right attitude and open mindset is what’s going to draw love into our life, not being hung up with notions and predispositions. In doing the former, that may well be what leads us to what we want and where we should be in the end. :)

        • http://www.starsparklex.blogspot.co.uk/ Moonsparkle

          Hey Celes, I think that like you say it might depend on the person and their life path. So it could be that some people have one true soulmate for them, who they meet up with in different lives and then others have more than one/so many potential partners who could become their soulmate. Or others could be in the third group you mentioned where their path isn’t a romantic one.

          I find soulmates/soul connections interesting. I’ve read about Twin Flames but a lot of these connections seem to be quite painful and a lot of them don’t end up together. Supposedly in those cases the connection is more about helping you grow and find your own path rather than the actual relationship because you may never be together with your twin. A lot of these stories don’t seem very happy ones, so it’s nice to read about a positive soulmate relationship like yours and Ken’s. :)

          It’s definitely a good idea to be open to different forms and manifestations of love and different people who could be “the one” or maybe “a one” if you have multiple partners! I think it’s great that you found your “one” in Ken. And it’s good to discuss this interesting topic on here. :)

  • Mikey

    Congratulations on your engagement again and happy to read your sharing. The “Dating Spree” part made me smile – it must’ve been such an interesting experience! Looking forward to Part 2!

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you Mikey!! :) Part 2 will be coming up in a couple of days! :)

  • Maria Ligia Carabasel

    Looking forward to part II :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thanks Maria!! :) Part 2 will be coming up later this week, so stay tuned! :)

  • Zoé Theoni

    just loved the pic<3

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you Zoe!! Me too! :)

      • Zoé Theoni

        Oh Yes. Waiting for it. Will you keep new pictures in all the series :p ?

        • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

          Do you mean will Il be sharing new pictures in the series? Actually these pictures are only some of the many pictures from our engagement shoots. I’ll be writing a separate post showcasing our favorite pictures from our shoots. :)

          • Zoé Theoni

            Yes. Thats what i meant. :)

  • Christina Mattschei

    Hi Celes! I love your story here and feel very inspired by it. I’m looking forward to reading the rest and wish you many blessings with your upcoming marriage! :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Aw thank you Christina!! :) Hope you will find the other parts of this series helpful then! :) I’m really excited to share my story with everyone and hope it both gives inspiration as well as actual, practical advice which people can take and act on in finding (more like attracting actually) the one for them in this life.

  • http://www.starsparklex.blogspot.co.uk/ Moonsparkle

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s interesting to hear your experience. It helps to think that maybe it didn’t work out with someone in the past because you wouldn’t have been the right fit for each other in the future. Like you said, you wouldn’t have become who you are now if you’d got together. People say that you have to be vibrating on the same level as your soulmate to find them. And if it’s not the right time for you to be together, then you could meet and not recognise each other. But maybe in the future things will be different.

    I’m looking forward to hearing Part 2 and your tips for attracting your soulmate. :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      People say that you have to be vibrating on the same level as your soulmate to find them. And if it’s not the right time for you to be together, then you could meet and not recognise each other. But maybe in the future things will be different.

      Hey Moonsparkle, you can’t believe how much you are hitting jackpot with these statements, because that’s exactly the situation between me and Ken. Part of the reason why I’m so excited to share my story is because I feel it really exemplifies certain core messages I’ve always believed in, such as it takes being the right person to meet the “right person” (wherein the “right person” is up to you to define) and love is not something to be consciously pursued but rather, something that comes as a result of you pursuing your path. You’ll learn more in Part 2, where I share how he re-entered my life one fine day. :)

      • http://www.starsparklex.blogspot.co.uk/ Moonsparkle

        Hi Celes, I remember that you said you knew Ken before and then got back in touch with him. I think it’s good advice about being the right person to meet the “right person”. I’m looking forward to hearing more. :)

  • Janette

    hi, ms. celes, Thank you for sharing your love story with us. I just want to ask does age matter when it comes to love?

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hey Janette, tricky question. My tendency is to say no because thinking in terms of age is a very limiting factor.

      However, one’s consciousness does affect one’s cognition level in terms of love (i.e. being able to recognize if these are serious feelings or just puppy love), and one’s consciousness is typically tied to age, which is why most people keep associating older age with more mature love/relationships.

      At the end of the day, I’m not sure if there is any merit in thinking “Oh, I’m too young now so I shouldn’t think about love” or “Oh, I’m too old now and hence am too late for love”. Just do whatever works for you and let your heart lead the way. Everyone needs to have their initial experiences with love to be more ready for higher-level relationships, so in the end it’s all a growth journey which needs to begin somewhere.

      • Janette

        thanks Ms. Celes, I have a boyfriend who is 10 years older than me, actually he is my first boyfriend and hopefully will be my last. We haven’t tell anyone about our relationship because I’m afraid what other people might say to me or to him as well. (actually it’s my decision not to tell anyone yet). Another thing is he is my college instructor when I was still in 1st year college (1st semester) but during those college days we’re not close I don’t even talk to him unless if it’s about school matters and that time he has also a girlfriend. In short, We don’t have a feeling to each other that time. And after that semester, he move to other university to teach (very far from our place). After 3 years he came back to our place for a vacation and I’ve already graduated from college. And then one day, he saw his former student, who happened to be one of my classmate in college, he asked about me and for my number and then it all started. Right now, we enjoys each other company and we love each other. But until now, our family/friends, don’t know about our relationship status. My boyfriend wanted me to introduce me to his family/friends because he loves me very much he even told me that he wanted to grow old with me. What should I do? How should I tell to my family? How should I dwell with other people might say to us? please help me. Thanks a lot! =)

  • Ha Hang

    Enjoyed reading your story Celestine! You know how to get our attention. Can’t wait to read part 2!

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thanks Ha Hang! Part 2 will be coming up shortly this week! :) Stay tuned!

  • http://wikitalks.com/ Maria G.

    Engagement is such an important step in the life of a couple. Your story is very romantic
    and I think that everything will be even better when you get married. After a
    wedding my husband and I became closer and began to understand each other
    better.

  • Kiki Maria Valera

    this is so sweet! you two are so cute together! ^_^ i look forward to this series

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Aw thank you Kiki! :) I hope you will enjoy the other parts as well! :)

  • Janette

    Hi! Ms. Celes, It’s me again Janette, I have a boyfriend who is 10 years older than me, actually he is my first boyfriend and hopefully will be my last. We haven’t tell anyone about our relationship because I’m afraid what other people might say to us. (actually it’s my decision not to tell anyone yet). Another thing is he is my college instructor before when I was still in 1st year college (1st semester) but during those college days we’re not close I don’t even talk to him unless if it’s about school matters and that time he has also a girlfriend. In short, We don’t have a feelings for each other. And after that semester, he move to other university to teach (very far from our place). After 3 years he came back to our place for a vacation and I’ve already graduated from college. And then one day, he saw his former student, who happened to be one of my classmates in college, he asked about me and my number and then that’s it all started. Right now, we enjoys each other company and we love each other. But until now, our family/friends, don’t know about our relationship status. My boyfriend wanted me to introduce me to his family/friends because he loves me very much he even told me that he wanted to grow old with me. What should I do? How should I tell to my family? How should I dwell with other people might say to us? please help me. Thanks a lot! =)