This is part 5 of my 7-part series on finding love where I share my love journey, how I found my soulmate, and how you can attract authentic love as well.
- Part 1: My Journey in Love
- Part 2: Meeting My Husband (Someone I Knew From Before)
- Part 3: Addressing My Inner Demons
- Part 4: How I Realized My Husband Is The One For Me
- Part 5: How My Husband Realized I Am The One For Him (And Your Questions For Him, Answered)
- Part 6: 10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love
- Part 7: How To Know When You Have Found ‘The One’: 8 Questions To Consider
(Photo from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot)
Thank you for your wonderful comments for the first 4 parts of the series! :) It has been my joy to share my love story and I hope it has inspired you to believe that true love as we imagine does exist, and helped you gain insights into how you can “find” your one (where the “finding” is figurative, not literal).
By now, all of you know my love story with Ken. However, our story has been told from my perspective. Some of you are interested to hear his side of the story, from what triggered him to reconnect with me after nine years, to how he figured out I’m his one.
So today, I’ve invited Ken to take the stage and answer your questions. And boy are there many: this interview ended up being over 2,600 words long!! As you read this Q&A, I hope you will gain insights for yourself and your love journey. Without further ado, take it away GG! :)
Q) How old are you? (From Alyssa)
32 (as of 2013). (And hello to Alyssa and all PE readers!)
Q) What do you do?
I’m a software consultant and have been in the IT line for the past seven years. When I was a kid, I would code computer games for my friends to play. So at that time, I already knew I was going to enter into an IT-related career when I grow up, which was what I did.
Q) What inspired you to contact Celes back when she was in South Africa? (From Glenn, Alyssa, Cassie)
I remember it was 4+am that night. I had just finished a work meeting and was sitting on my office chair (I work with teammates around the world so my work hours start from the afternoon to late at night). All of a sudden, I had this thought to organize my contact list.
As I was doing that, I saw Celes’ name near the top of the list. I thought I’d drop a message to say hi since we had not talked for years. I remember that Celes was running her personal development business, and that she has a Facebook page.
So I checked out her page and saw that she was in South Africa. I saw her latest update then — of the dinner she just had at home, made by her housemate.
(Celes: My facebook timeline that night)
Then I googled how to say “hi” in South African language, and used it to initiate conversation. Also knowing that it was 10+pm at her side as I checked the time zone difference before messaging her.
The interesting thing is I rarely organize my contact list and totally had no idea that a seemingly simple message like this on Whatsapp can lead to a conversation over half an hour long and subsequently an amazing relationship of a lifetime. Celes was the first and last person I contacted that night. I immediately went to bed after she turned in.
Q) Were you just reconnecting with her as a friend or did you already have the intention to woo her? (From Alyssa)
As a friend. At that time I was single for a while after nine years of back-to-back relationships, and I was very happy with the status quo. I had no intention to get to know girls, woo girls, or get into a relationship.
Q) What was going on in your life then (other than sorting out your contacts)? :) (From Vishnu)
Work and more work. Lots of partying — I was clubbing three times a week to meet my friends and for the music, atmosphere, dancing, and drinks. I wasn’t going there to pick up girls, though I did make new friends through clubbing.
Q) What did you think about Celes in the previous times you met? Why didn’t you get in touch with her back then but only recently? (From JadePenguin)
When I first met her in university (2004), I thought she was a creative person as she is very good at design.
(Celes: I designed a website for BizCom during my brief stint back then, for one of their events)
We just spoke a few lines then as part of a functional chairperson-to-committee-member relationship, so there was really no reason to be in touch.
When I ran into her on the streets a few years later (2008), I thought she was living her passion by starting her own business. I knew this as she passed me her name card (for Personal Excellence) in that brief encounter. Since we didn’t keep in touch the first time, there was no reason to stay in touch this time either.
Also, I generally do not keep in touch with girls. I had always been in relationships ever since university up to two years ago and with little gaps in between each relationship, so I never tried to know new girls or keep in touch with other girls out of respect for my then-girlfriends.
It so happened that I saw her name when going through my contacts list that night that I thought to say “hi” after so long.
Q) Celes mentioned how events in her life predicted your advent. Any signs in your life suggesting her arrival? (From Muna)
None that I’m aware of. It totally caught me by surprise. Though about a month before I reconnected with her (Celes: this was in the same period when I had the realization that I was done “finding” love.), I suddenly had a feeling, I am ready to meet the girl I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
Q) How did you feel about the interrogation rounds?
I found them quite amusing, partly because no one has ever done that to me before. More importantly, with each question Celes asked, I secretly felt that she was caring more about me and the relationship which I could see us entering into.
So I answered them openly, even though I was aware that some of my answers might push her away. I thought, If Celes is going to be the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life together with, then there should be no hiding or dodgy answers, but complete openness.
Q) When and how did you realize Celes is The One for you? (From Muna, Cassie)
Right from our first Whatsapp conversation, our connection felt special. Even though I had been in so many relationships, I’ve never felt this way with other girls — not even close. I looked forward to chatting with her every day even though I barely knew her before this and had not seen her for almost five years.
Within two weeks of chatting, the feeling grew so strong that I knew she is the one, even though we had still not met up (she was still in South Africa). This feeling intensified after meeting up.
Initially I thought my feelings were one-sided, because, how can I be sure of how someone else is feeling?
But I later learned that Celes was also feeling positive about our connection as well at the point we got together. From that point onwards, I knew there was no turning back: I was falling in love like I never have before in my life.
And two days after we got together (Celes: this was after our 8.5-hour phone call), I realized, This is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life, and the girl I want to propose to a month later.
As to how I realized she is the one, the best way I can explain it is that I thought my life was full before, only to realize after meeting her that I was actually living such an empty life. I had been in many relationships before and never knew that such a deep, powerful relationship can exist until I met her. The level of compatibility — mentally, emotionally, etc. — is nothing I’ve experienced before. We are able to communicate very deeply, on anything and everything, and we can just keep talking without stopping. It’s as if I’ve known her for a long time, even though the absolute time we’ve been together is short.
With her, I see a future together. There is this certainty that, this is it, and we’re going to be together with each other till the end of time.
Q) Any part of you that thought you were moving fast (with moving in together, proposing) or did it all feel exactly right? Also, did your previous relationships move fast by society’s / friends’ standards? (From Cassie)
It was because everything just felt right. I was aware that things were moving very fast, but not because we were trying to rush into things. I proposed to Celes to show her that I’m ready to commit my life to her, and to show my conviction to her. I’ve always felt that proposing is the ultimate declaration of love any guy can give to a girl.
To your second question, no. In all my past relationships — many several years long — we did not move in together, I did not propose, and we did not discuss marriage.
Q) What inspired the romantic proposal? Did you ever imagine you would have such a romantic proposal or was it inspired solely by Celes? :) (From Vishnu)
At the point I decided she is the one I want to marry, I had no idea how the proposal was going to be. The one thing I was sure was that I wanted to make the proposal a memorable experience for Celes, one that she would remember for life.
At the start, I asked my friends — many of them — for proposal ideas. Many ideas did not fit our relationship. My conclusion was that my proposal has to come from our relationship rather than from outside parties for it to be meaningful.
So I looked at the details of our relationship and incorporated them into the proposal. For example, her first Whatsapp flower icon to me was the tulip, so I bought tulips for the proposal. I also actively observed everything she said/did and designed the proposal based on that. One time she woke up from a nap and told me she dreamed about balloons flying into the sky, so I decided to incorporate balloons in the proposal. Her first gift to me was Royce chocolates, so I hid the ring box inside a Royce chocolates box. I ordered 555 heart-shaped balloons as 5 is a recurring number in our relationship. I chose the heart shape as it’s a recurring theme in our relationship.
On the actual day, I got three friends to help me set up the proposal site, and two other friends to take videos.
The fact that there was a haze in Singapore then and it cancelled my original beach proposal plan didn’t help (I originally planned to propose at the beach, on my company’s family day). I ended up only having four days to regroup and create a new proposal plan, which was dinner and a night out at her favorite restaurant, followed by a proposal by the Singapore River.
It turned out to be the best arrangement as Celes really loved it: she said more so than if I had gone ahead with the beach idea.
(Celes: A low-down of the day of the proposal: The Day of My Proposal)
Q) Have you ever considered that both of you might just be going through a honeymoon period now, and all this will fade away eventually? (From Sharon)
No. I’ve been into too many relationships not to know the difference between honeymoon-period feelings and real emotions. The level of compatibility between us is out of this world. I’ve never felt this way about any other woman.
Q) As you know, Celes is a public figure, with tons of people reading her blog. Your love story with her is now on her blog, available for everyone to read. How do you feel about having your life-related matters being put out there and read by others? Are you a public figure yourself? (From PC, Cassie)
I’m perfectly comfortable with Celes sharing the details of our relationship with the public. I really like the work she is doing and sharing our story is another way for her to share her life experience with others.
To your second question, no, I’m not a public figure. I’m very comfortable being put out there in the public but my personal preference is to stay away from the limelight. I’m perfectly cool that Celes is a public figure herself.
Q) Are there ever moments when you get sick of each other? (From Cassie, Moonsparkle)
No. But there have been times when we fell sick and took care of each other. :)
Q) Celes repeatedly speaks of you as having a high EQ. How did you develop that?
I usually don’t talk more than what’s necessary. So I channel my attention to pick up tiny verbal and non-verbal cues of people and things around me. Over time, I’ve learned to spot very minute differences in people’s feelings and thoughts, which I believe helps me respond sensitively to their needs.
Q) Celes mentioned all the great things you do for her. Did you care for your past girlfriends the way you care for her? What is your inspiration behind this greatness? (From Love from INFJ)
I feel bad for saying this, but no, I didn’t care for them the way I care for her. It’s not that I didn’t care for them; it’s just the way I care for Celes is on a totally different level.
Why? It’s nothing to do with them; it’s just that Celes is my soulmate and I’ve finally found her. I want to take care of her in all aspects, of all her needs. When our two souls finally reconnected in May, there was an explosion of emotions that made me want to care for her more than I care for myself. In short, she is my inspiration behind my care for her.
Q) How about Celes? Does Celes take care of you, and how? (From Love from INFJ)
Yes, in ways I never thought possible.
- When I’m held up with work, she wakes up early in the morning to get groceries and make lunch for me.
- When she found out that I love mooncakes, she surprised me with a strawberry-flavored mooncake (I love strawberry flavor).
- When she noticed that my skincare products were running out a few months ago, she brought me to a men’s cosmetic counter and bought them for me.
- Because I was losing hair not too long ago, she began to wash my hair daily to make sure my scalp is cleaned thoroughly.
- She helped me quit smoking in just one week by unpeeling the layers in my subconsciousness to find out the root cause behind my smoking. Previously, I had smoked for many years and tried many times to stop, without success.
There is so much more that she has done for me that it’s impossible to list them all.
Q) Has your life changed since being in this relationship? If so, how?
Yes, in many ways. I stopped smoking, I drink much lesser now, I look younger, I lost some excess weight due to healthier eating, there is an emotional and spiritual fulfillment in me that I had never felt before, and people around me are all very happy that I’ve found the one for me and am finally settling down. Before this, I had never thought about getting married or settling down.
Q) What is the best thing you see in Celes? (From Muna)
Her kind heart. The heart is the thing that I was looking for in a girl, and when I met Celes, her kind heart stood out especially: in the way she interacts with others, from the work she does, and even from the way she treats living things in her environment.
Though what initially pulled me towards her was her inner beauty, I later realized that, wow, she’s very beautiful on the outside as much as she’s beautiful in her inner soul. Not only that, she’s also the smartest woman I’ve ever met, very driven and extremely passionate about everything she does.
Q) Any final words to those reading this?
I’m happy to have this Q&A with all of you and to share my side of the story. I look forward to everyone growing together and reaching greater heights in their personal growth journey.
And to Celes: Maomao, I love you! Thank you for coming into my life… ♥
/end of Ken’s Q&A
Next Part of the Series
I hope you have found this Q&A helpful. :) I’m very blessed to have found Ken and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I hope you guys have a better insight into his character and our story after reading this interview. :)
This is not the last you’ll hear of Ken I’m sure; I’m sure he’ll pop back in every here and there, be it in my blog post examples or to share thoughts on a personal growth topic (e.g. how he quit smoking).
Some of our photos in the series are actually from our engagement shoot in Scotland. Check out our full set of photos here:
- Part 1 in Glasgow (Featuring Kelvingrove Park, West End)
- Part 2 in Edinburgh (Featuring Tantallon Castle, Cramond Beach, St Giles’ Cathedral, Edinburgh City)
Update May 2014: We’re now married! :) Check out our wedding photos here: My Wedding Day
Proceed to part 6 on how to attract love into your life: 10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love.
This is part 5 of my 7-part series on finding love where I share my love journey, how I found my soulmate, and how you can attract authentic love as well.
- Part 1: My Journey in Love
- Part 2: Meeting My Husband (Someone I Knew From Before)
- Part 3: Addressing My Inner Demons
- Part 4: How I Realized My Husband Is The One For Me
- Part 5: How My Husband Realized I Am The One For Him (And Your Questions For Him, Answered)
- Part 6: 10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love
- Part 7: How To Know When You Have Found ‘The One’: 8 Questions To Consider
(Images: Selected shots from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot; Other images: Personal Excellence)
If you like my articles, join 64,000 readers and get my latest articles delivered to your inbox. Your email is safe and I never send spam.
I am happy for you (and a little jealous too, hehe) I have been wondering this for a long time. Do the both of you have the same spiritual beliefs?
Hi Guest, thanks for the question! :) Originally we didn’t (he is a Christian, I’m a free thinker; I believe every religion is a lens to a higher truth) but our underlying attitudes toward life and each other were obviously very similar enough for us to get together and develop so quickly. And then very quickly over time after getting closer, he also began to adopt similar worldviews (not through my convincing, but through his own personal study and revelations). So yes, without going into too much detail, we do have similar spiritual beliefs and worldviews today, including in the area of religion/spirituality.
CONGRAT’S MS. CELES AND KEN…SPREAD THE WORDS OF LOVE….
How do u unpeel the layers of his subconscious to help him stop smoking? (:
It’s more than what I can cover in a comment; I’d say my root cause and overcoming relapse articles provide good guidelines of how I approached the situation. I plan to record a video interview with him on Celes.TV on how he quit smoking, because I think it’ll help many others who want to quit bad addictions!
Celes, such a wonderful story! You two are clearly made for each other. Thank you for sharing your story and being such an inspiration to your readers. I wish you both nothing but the very best. Stay in Love!
Hi Ken & Celes, thanks for answering my questions. I hope you don’t find them too funny (无聊) :p . It is very brave for you to face all her question and answer them sincerely. Guys are rarely honest during the first few encounters with girls that they are trying to impress. well done and you definitely deserve a good wife like Celes. Happy to know that you guys are happy in each other’s company.
Hi Alyssa, it is rare to find guys that are honest like Ken. At the same time, they are definitely out there. May take a while to locate them but it just makes them even more valuable and makes the “search” worthwhile.
To all single ladies out there who may have given hope on men, don’t, because good guys still exist, and there are good guys who are still single. :) My story is just one success story out of many out there I’m sure.
“She’s all that I can ask for. She is all that I can ever want.” it is so touching Mr. Ken Soh <3
:) ♥ to you Waheeba!
Hi both, my question I guess is about what a soulmate actually is? I mean I found my soulmate, I believe, too young…we would know eachothers thoughts, finish off eachothers sentences etc I felt a deep connection however because we were teens I never really experienced the adult passion with him I also got into a mortgage at 19 and routine and boredom of having to keep a 9-5 job to pay my bills and mortgage crept in and it felt too much too young. I began seeing someone older who excited me and fulfilled that something missing. It was passion on another level but the soulmate connection wasn’t there. I’m still with this guy to this day, years later but I often think of my ex – when I say soulmate friends dispute that because we split so not meant to be etc but trust me it was a strong connection he knew me inside out and would text me what I was thinking. We turned into brother and sister type rship. My question I guess is do you both have passion too? I know it’s early days and hearing your description sounds like how we were because don’t get me wrong we were close physically and fancied eachother. Whats the balance of connection & passion? Does passion last with soulmates? Or is it variety that brings passion? I often wonder if I made a mistake. He said no man will ever love you the same and it’s turned out true some 10 years on. Anyway I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.
Hi Ruby! The article which I referred to and mentioned in part four which has a comprehensive explanation on the concept of soulmates and twin flames/souls: http://www.soulevolution.org/twinflames/twinflames.htm
Hi both, my question I guess is about what a soulmate actually is? I mean I found my soulmate, I believe, too young…we would know eachothers thoughts, finish off eachothers sentences etc I felt a deep connection however because we were teens I never really experienced the adult passion with him I also got into a mortgage at 19 and routine and boredom of having to keep a 9-5 job to pay my bills and mortgage crept in and it felt too much too young. I began seeing someone older who excited me and fulfilled that something missing. It was passion on another level but the soulmate connection wasn’t there. I’m still with this guy to this day, years later but I often think of my ex – when I say soulmate friends dispute that because we split so not meant to be etc but trust me it was a strong connection he knew me inside out and would text me what I was thinking. We turned into brother and sister type rship. My question I guess is do you both have passion too? I know it’s early days and hearing your description sounds like how we were because don’t get me wrong we were close physically and fancied eachother. Whats the balance of connection & passion? Does passion last with soulmates? Or is it variety that brings passion? I often wonder if I made a mistake. He said no man will ever love you the same and it’s turned out true some 10 years on. Anyway I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.
Help…
Thanks Celes and specially Ken for taking time and answering the questions. Since she has been a amazing and positive influence to us and has shared her life so openly that we feel that we already know her and that is why we all get so persistent :)
You are also an amazing person like Celes and you two deserve each other so much.
Reading it made me believe in destiny and the twin flame concept makes so much sense in your love story. its like you both are meant for each other in more than one ways. I understand the doubt of few people who ask you questions like If you both have ever been sick of each other or do you get angry. Sometimes I also have the same doubts, when i take notes( I take note sometimes on my phone while reading your blog, to remember them). I wonder-“she has sorted out everything” and then I look at myself and I can’t relate.
I mean, plz don’t take my words otherwise, i am really a great fan of your blog and ever since I came in contact of you I read one post each day and make note of it. That’s why sometime i have such doubts.
I don’t have any questions regarding your relationship. Hope you both have a beautiful life ahead. Having met Ken, I am more sure now that you both will compliment each other :)
Aww, this was so cute! Congrats again to both of you! <3 I loved reading Ken's responses, it just adds to the happy-vibe of this relationship between you guys!
I have a question! Well, it's sorta a combination of them. ^^; Do you believe that a couple has to feel that twin-soul vibe to have found the "right" one for them? Whether they do or they don't, do you think such a connection would always reveal itself as quickly as it did between you two, or do you think it's possible that it could take some time?
I suppose I'm just wondering if finding the "right" one would be the same for everyone, or if there's a chance there could be doubt in the relationship before the certainty?
I think I'm sort of comparing my new relationship to all this and wondering, "hm…could this be it? I wonder if it really matches all of these traits, though…" I'm not so sure what to make of it by comparison, I guess. ^^; I'm super happy with my relationship, but there (isn't yet?) a connection like the one you and Ken describe!
Sorry I seem to always ramble in these comments! Your love story makes me think a lot! ^^;
Dearest Calae, thanks so much for your sweet comment! :D
On your question: I think people reading our story should definitely *NOT* compare their relationship with mine and Ken’s, but instead use it as an idea on the height their relationships can soar to. Because every relationship is always different! And the speed it develops, the vibe it gives out, etc. will be different depending on the individuals in the relationship. Some may unveil itself slower, some may do so faster, and it shouldn’t diminish the value of the relationship either way.
But general points I can definitely make are that if you (a) are left wondering if someone is the one for you even after a while of being together (“a while” here is defined by yourself), (b) don’t feel a positive vibe about the other person (AND you are sure it has nothing to do with your personal issues/fears), and (c) the relationship is constantly holding you back (in more ways than one), then chances are this is probably not the right person.
Like cassie rightly mentioned below, if the person is the one for you, this feeling should emerge after a reasonable amount of time, vs. you having to figure out for a long time but not really getting anywhere in it.
For example for Ken, he spent years in multiple relationships but never felt “right” with any of them; in the end each relationship ended as a result of a natural course of events i.e. things simply ran their course already and expired. In his personal reflection he felt that he should have ended them much earlier last time when he felt each girl wasn’t the right match vs. letting things drag on, but then all of us have our individual paths to walk and his past journey has definitely helped him learn heaps about love and made him the great person he is today.
So to summarize, *don’t* compare your new relationship to mine and Ken’s but instead let it blossom in its own light! You and your boyfriend are completely different individuals and should create a relationship based on who both of you are and not based on others’ relationships. Instead, you can use attributes of our relationship as things to strive for in your relationship, such as being able to have conscious discussions with each other, being able to be yourself around one another, being selfless in giving without expecting return, being a positive beacon of inspiration to each other, etc.
Hope that answers your question Calae, and again I’m so happy on your new relationship! :D That must be one lucky and awesome you are with!
Thank you so much, Celes! It really helps! =)
I think I might be casting my own doubts on everything. I was feeling quite down for a while but I wasn’t sure what was causing my sadness, though I went ahead and tried to talk it out with my boyfriend, anyway. He was comforting even though he didn’t know how to help (as I didn’t know what was wrong), and I think that was enough to trigger me figuring out what was bothering me. I think it says so much that he’s willing to do his best to comfort me, even if I’m not even sure of what’s wrong!
I think right now, the answer is that the “right amount” of time hasn’t passed. But I’m happy, and that’s what counts! And yes, he’s very awesome. x)
That’s great. All very well written and informative answers to the questions. If you’re reading this Ken, I think you would do well starting your own blog. I’m sure Celes would give you a nice discount on her blogging intensive bootcamp course ;)
And Celes, cute shoes and socks you’re wearing in that Loch Lomond photo!
I’ll also add, that mooncake looks nothing like the mooncakes the Chinese stores sell here in Australia. Here they’re normally just sold in tins of 4, with one or two yolks, or none in the case of those I buy. I like the lotus seed flavoured ones myself.
It sounds like the mooncakes there are the standard traditional mooncakes! We have them here too in SG, along with many other variants like the snow-skin ones (as per the picture), exotic fillings (like durian!), and even ice cream mooncakes! It’s a huge industry commercially during the mooncake festival.
Oh wow, I can imagine the durian one would be nice!
That’s nice that you like durians, Glenn! I’ve introduced some of my foreigner friends to durians and I don’t think they’ve taken to them kindly, haha!
Yeah, it’s funny, I remember these markets we went to years ago. There was this Malaysian food stall and they had an Aussie guy there making durian pancakes. I think his wife was Malaysian. Anyway I ordered the durian pancake, and the guy was really surprised. He must have thought he was the only Aussie that liked durian. So he shook my hand and congratulated me. It was funny! And then he remembered me when we went back a few weeks later.
Hi Celes, awesome article! I love how you and Ken are setting an example for how a relationship can be a vehicle for positive self-improvement and *not* codependency (which is how so many people look at personal change in relationships). Thank you for sharing! :)
Thank you so much for your kind words Christina! :) I definitely hope that sharing my story with Ken helps to give others hope on love and an idea of the kind of relationship they should strive for, especially if they have been used to relationships characterized by toxicity, neediness/clinginess, and unhappiness. If even one person walks away with a renewed view on how relationships, then my work here is done.
I’ve enjoyed this series and want to say thank you for sharing with us. I do have (what I hope is a) constructive point to make:
Sometimes it feels like your stories about your life portray yourself / your life as perfect and as if you are saying “this is the ideal situation that I have which is what everyone should aim for”. In doing this, it feels like you hold back some of the real, non-perfect parts. I think this may be why someone in the comments asked if you ever get angry, or why someone else previously asked if you get sick of one another: it may be because your articles almost always end on a note like: “and although I may have struggled a little to get here, I have learned from it all, solved this now and it’s not a problem anymore. Solved!” – This kind of portrayal at times can feel unbalanced: too perfect, because life is dynamic and things change; bad habits that you thought you kicked can come back, old issues DO rear their heads again, and life is usually not a check list of things to solve once and then that’s it, you’re done forever with that issue. Are such goals for a “perfect job that’s always going to feel good” or “a perfect relationship that is always going to only feel happy and amazing” realistic?
I don’t mean to cause offence or upset, and honestly Celestine, I really do love your articles and I love your positivity and would very much like to continue seeing this positivity because it is uplifting and beautiful; at the same time, I’d also like to see that you are human and that in a real world, even the best relationships / situations are not entirely perfect all the time, and it’s ok and normal to experience this, accepting where you are with all its imperfections, whilst always striving for improvement.
Hey paupau, thanks for your comment! I appreciate it.
To be honest, I don’t think I deliberately try to hold back on writing “non-perfect” parts in my life. If so, I wouldn’t be writing articles talking openly about my own issues with body image, femininity, beauty, singlehood, among an array of other things which people would never ever want to speak of with anyone, much less in an open blog. Some of the things I faced before like body image issues and femininity issues, they can be quite embarrassing: I actually found them quite shameful before and would have never told them to anyone in my earlier adult years, pre-self-help (for myself). I write about these issues because they were the very problems I experienced before and I want people to know my life as it is, in a raw and authentic fashion.
Perhaps you may feel that my articles seem to portray my life as “perfect” because my articles tend to present situations in a way of “having X obstacles, found the solution, and problem solved”. But the latter is simply my style in writing though; it’s nothing to do with trying to portray life in a certain fashion.
To clarify, the reason why I write my articles in such a issue-solution-final thoughts manner is because I prefer to write about something when I have wholly covered the domain of that topic (in my personal life) and have a proper guide to help others arrive to this same place (based on my personal experience). It’s just my approach and choice in running PE. Before getting to that point is about ten million random thoughts spewing in all directions; there is really no value in merit in sharing any of it because it will only add clutter in a world which is already filled with clutter.
Given that my vision for PE is to be a guide and solution-center through life’s different problems, this writing approach is just the style I’ve selected. It’s also particularly important to me that I do so as many read the blog to look for solutions to similar issues, and I don’t want them to read half-thoughts / half-solutions to issues I’m facing.
Sometimes I may be testing solution X or Y in my life to problem A, and it may well turn out that X or Y aren’t the solutions — Z is. Hence, I stay away from writing about anything until I’ve fully arrived at the solution point (for myself), because to do so would be to misguide others into places I don’t want them to go. I rather be the guinea pig who tests and then tells people my findings and final conclusion rather than lead people in wrong directions with unfinal thinking on a topic. I also don’t see the value in writing ten different articles repeating about the same problem/issue; having an ultimate guide with my final thoughts/revelations is more beneficial from a reader/user standpoint (at least I appreciate blogs that do this, and hence I prefer doing so).
If on any day, a topic that I’ve addressed before recurs, then I’ll always be happy to address it, with renewed insights on that topic while reconciling that with the original pieces I wrote. This weight loss piece is one of them. Otherwise, I wouldn’t bring back or re-mention a topic or issue since there’s no real merit in doing so. (If it’s not in my life anymore, then I’m not going to talk about it for the sake of doing so.)
I hope that addresses your point!
I would also like, in my own defence, differ that I’ve ever written pieces portraying myself as “struggling a little” to overcome any of my past issues, because some of the things I’ve openly shared before are of very deep problems I went through and overcame after a lot of personal development inner work. Issues with my femininity, body image, my past inferiority of my looks, etc. — these are very deep problems I experienced for over two decades of my life and I don’t believe I’ve ever tried to underportray the pain or struggles I underwent before I was able to break past them.
Perhaps one might get the idea because I tend to spend about 30% of every article/series on issue identification/sharing, 30% on the process of arriving on the revelation, and about 40% on final solution points and “how tos” to arrive to the same place. But that’s again linked to intending for PE to be a final solution center. Having a 90%-10% problem-solution split or even 50%-50% problem-solution split would give too much weight to issues/problems which is not how I want readers/audience to think/approach the things in their life. I want everyone to spend more time thinking and working on solutions, addressing underlying root issues, and breaking them, such that they’ll never have to address recurring problems again (and it is possible; I share myself as a living example) and live the life they’ve always been meant to live.
Thanks for your support paupau! :D I appreciate your kind words and I hope you’ll continue to benefit and be inspired by the material at the blog.
Thank you for taking the time to answer Celestine.
I understand where you’re coming from and I think your 30: 30: 40 approach is a great one, and of course I would never want you to make up problems that aren’t there! I guess I’m just not used to hearing about people managing their problems as successfully as you do.
Perhaps my main issue was with the concept that there can be a “final conclusion” on certain topics that (to me at least) seem to be open-ended (like an ongoing romantic relationship). But maybe I’m just being a grumpy pernickity person and it doesn’t matter! lol – as you say if things change, recur or if you arrive at new thoughts about a topic, you can always add an article or even edit an old article at a later date.
Hey paupau, no, not at all! This is where other topics like conflict management in relationships, how to make relationships work, etc. will come in. ;) But there is a place and time for such topics, and right now I’m just laying the groundwork on the relationship topics on PE with this soulmate/love series. In the future I definitely will be covering more day-to-day topics such as the above.
Thanks so much for your comment! :) I love to hear what readers are thinking so it’s helpful to hear your POV and helping me to better understand where you are coming from.
Thank you guys for taking the time to put this together and answer our questions. I think the thing I took away most from this is that the way you know that someone is “for you” is that it just *feels* right without a doubt (after giving it a reasonable amount of time & communication to develop this feeling). If you have doubts after a couple of months of getting to know each other deeply, it’s probably not “it”.
You both seem like such wonderful people! I wish you both all the happiness in the world for your future together! I’m sure your story will be an inspiration for a lot of us readers :)
Hey cassie, you are spot on in that the one “for you” really boils down to how you feel at the end of the day. May sound very airy-fairy, but it’s hard to make it tangible in any other manner.
There are definitely times when we think that someone is the one but end up being wrong (especially in our initial love encounters); if so it’s about learning from that experience, improving on our intuitive sensing, and then continuing to put ourselves out there. There will be a point when we know, beyond any reason of doubt and after countless negative experiences in love, that *yes*, this is the one for me. :)
Hi Celestine
I’m so happy that you found true soulmate. From reading Ken’s comments regarding Celestine. I have to agree with all of that. She is always so positive and can see things in a smart way. My question for Celestine is do you ever get angry? Thank you for sharing your stories. It’s very inspiring. I’m hoping to become a better person and meet a perfect soulmate as well.
Hi Charmaine, thank you for your kind words! :) I assume you are asking if I ever get angry in the relationship (vs. generally getting angry in life)?
Regardless, if it’s the latter, definitely yes, but I’ve since processed a lot of my anger issues from young and don’t react to situations as frequently or with as much anger today, because I’ve realized that the only person I burn when I’m angry is myself. I wrote about this in my anger series in 2012: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/anger/
If it’s the former, it’s still a yes in that I do get angry in the relationship (very rare but it happens, especially my hot buttons get pushed). Usually it’s a result of my own issues than anything to do with Ken though, and I’m lucky to have a partner as kind and magnanimous as him because he’ll always be with me every step of the way to work through conflicts until they are totally resolved. (Never good to let conflicts sit unresolved since they will affect the relationship negatively whether we realize or not.)
Great job Ken with your writing and sharing your story. You are truly made for each other. I think you are soulmates in life, and you can also be great partners in business together.
Hey Qin Tang, funny that you mentioned that! :) Because I was just telling Ken the other day about the benefits of having a manager esp. for speakers/bloggers which helps better manage their career, and he said he can be my manager if I want.
In the early days after we got together, I also mentioned we can open up our relationship to the business domain some day down the road when we are ready to start something new (business-related) together.
In the past I would have felt iffy about mixing romance/friendships with business, but with my relationship with Ken, it’s so strong and he’s like another me that the idea doesn’t faze me at all like it would if it was any other person.
Thanks for all your answers Ken! Takes a lot of courage to answer all of these questions and to be so public about them. I’m also impressed you could put together such a romantic and elaborate engagement proposal in 3 days!
Congrats to both of you and are we going to see a movie version of this love story:) ?
Hehe, don’t think that’s ever going to happen since it’s not like either of us are celebrities, but I think I’m going to create a video clip summarizing our journey in love for our wedding day next year. :) I’ll likely share it on PE with all the readers after our wedding so everyone can get in on the action even if they are not attending (or not able to attend). :)
Glad to have read how your love story that blossomed to what you have now. One thing that struck me was when you said you spent a lot of time communicating and talking about deep inner core topics…I have a schoolmate who I never really talked with and seen since high school. I never expected we’d get closer and know more about each through chat and text. What struck me on your blog was, like you, our topic was about inner self which he initiated later on. His outlook in life draw me more and more on knowing him and knowing myself as well. That’s when I encountered your page and got to read topics that help me understand what he was telling me and wanting me to realize. He wasn’t the type of guy I like physically but I was so attracted to his mind and heart. We are on our late 30’s and we both had a long term relationship in the past. We both had the same experience, third party issue. We have a lot in common about views on life and relationship. I came into a point that I felt that he is the one I’m looking for. From the time we started communicating, that was more than a year before we finally met. We only had a month to see each other because he works abroad. Even if we are miles away from each other, the hopes of being together one day is all in God’s hands. If we are meant to be it will happened. For now, what’s worth having is worth waiting for. Thank you for sharing your life experiences with us. Looking forward to your 6th article.
Iris, thanks so much for sharing your story. I do hope that it works out with this guy in the end: he sounds like a catch with his conscious outlook on life and a good heart. *hugs*
Thanks! It feels like he’s the one I’m praying for. ;)
Thank you Celes and Ken.
Celes you do touch my heart and life and inspire me with every word you write here.
I wish you the best always and everywhere, just as a “thank you” for every life you have changed/are changing.
P.S.::Your love story makes me hopeful that there are “good boys” out there. Thank you again.
Hi Farnam, there are definitely still good men out there. :) Sometimes, the supposed “bad” men or “jerks” could well be just good men in the making. After all, it takes negative experiences to turn a person into a better one. :) Always bear that in mind as you journey on in life!
Wow… Ken is a great human being. He deserves you… :) I really loved the tulips concept… :) You are born for each other.
Thank you very much Paru! :)
I wish I could find my soulmate one day. ♥ Congratulations on your wedding. ♥
Aw thank you so much Coco! :) I wish you all the best in your love journey! Remember it’s about living your path first and foremost, after which you will be in the best position to meet your match in life!
To see this side of the story makes me feel so so happy for Celes. I feel particularly protective of her and thus my question, because she has touched my life and I really wanted to see things work out for her as she has such a kind soul. Thanks Ken, for answering these questions, and for taking care of Celes. I’m happy to know that she’s in good hands now. :)
Hi Sharon, thank you so much for your kind words! :) I feel like all of you are like my big mommas out there looking out for me and taking care of me in an invisible way! ;) *feels loved*
Do you plan to get your own home together without either of your parents living there? In your culture, do grown children live with their parents until the parents die, or do they tend to move out when they get married?
Hi Susan, to your first question: that’s for sure! We want to get our own home at one point, just that there isn’t really a push factor to do this at the moment. Ken’s mom is a housewife and is home alone most of the time while Ken’s dad works in the day, so I see value in living with his parents for now before we get our own place six months to a year from now, until we get married.
After all, we (Ken and I) have the rest of our lives to be together in our own cosy little home while we will not be living with either of our set of parents for long, so I want to appreciate these days while they last.
On your second question, grown children live with their parents till they get married in Chinese culture. Some even stay with their parents/in-laws after they get married, hence forming a two-generation household (or even three when they have kids). Some do this out of filial piety, while some do it because of financial factors. (Housing costs an insane sum in Singapore.)
Hi Ken! Thanks for answering reader questions. It was good to hear your side of the story. :) I like how you planned the proposal carefully and thought about what Celes would like. Good luck to you and Celes. :)
Looking forward to the finale post!
You definitely should Moonsparkle!! :) (Not including the fact that there’s “moon” in your alias too! :D ) It’s a traditional Chinese delicacy. The Chinese eats it during the mid-autumn festival.
Truly a match made in heaven!
Thank you Cherene! :)
Commenting for this post is closed.