This is part 4 of my 7-part series on finding love where I share my love journey, how I found my soulmate, and how you can attract authentic love as well.
- Part 1: My Journey in Love
- Part 2: Meeting My Husband (Someone I Knew From Before)
- Part 3: Addressing My Inner Demons
- Part 4: How I Realized My Husband Is The One For Me
- Part 5: How My Husband Realized I Am The One For Him (And Your Questions For Him, Answered)
- Part 6: 10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love
- Part 7: How To Know When You Have Found ‘The One’: 8 Questions To Consider
On the roads of Glasgow (Photo from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot)
After Ken and I got together, I wasn’t too sure where things would go. I was happy that we were attached, but I didn’t know what to expect with our new relationship status.
My plan was to take things slow. So I shied away from telling anyone about our relationship, other than two close friends. So imagine my shock when Ken excitedly told me that he had told 20 people — his friends, family, and cousins — just a day after we got together!
His Excitement and Joy
I was surprised yet warmed by Ken’s enthusiasm about our relationship. While some guys may try to play it cool, he wasn’t like that with me. He was very excited after we got together and couldn’t hold back from telling the people around me, something he said he had never felt or done before with his exes.
Previously, he had been in back-to-back relationships for almost 9 years. After his last relationship ended about 1.5 years ago, he decided to remain single as he didn’t see a reason to get attached, since he never found what he wanted from past relationships. That is, until we reconnected.
What’s interesting is that he’s normally very calm and composed, but he’s very involved when it comes to us. He told me that he was “truly in love,” something he thought he knew before, only to realize he didn’t until we got together.
(Image)
I was warmed by his love and enthusiasm. I loved his sensitivity, reliability, kindness, caringness, and patience. This was a guy I could see myself with in life because of how genuinely caring he was towards me, and how emotionally open he was.
Uncertainty
At the same time, I wasn’t sure about our long-term future, primarily because I wasn’t sure about our mental compatibility. Mental compatibility in the sense of us having a common interest in intellectual conversation, sharing a passion for growth, and being a match in our consciousness level.
In our early Whatsapp chats, we would chat about daily affairs and what we were up to. It seemed normal since we were just reacquainting. As we got closer, we would have more involving discussions on other topics, such as people, events, things, and life in general. We would share our thoughts and learn from each other’s sharing.
While our conversations would always be constructive and rewarding, I did wonder if he was capable of more intellectual exchanges. For example, discussions about ideologies, worldviews, first principles, constructs, and root causes. I ideally wanted a partner who was mentally (and emotionally) compatible with me, so that we could have consciousness-raising discussions and push each other to grow in life.
Ken is high in EQ and we could connect very well emotionally, but I wasn’t sure if he was particularly intellectual, conscious, or passionate about personal growth.
Seeking Mental Compatibility Cues
So I tried to sniff them out.
During the times we hung out with his friends, I observed his interactions with them. Nothing stood out about his exchanges.
I kept my ears peeled during our chats, but nothing really intellectually ground-breaking.
I also observed his day-to-day activities outside of work: clubbing, karaoke, daily lunch with his mom, and heading to the mall to play arcade games. Lunch with mom suggested filial piety which I already knew and appreciated about him. However, there was nothing that suggested he might enjoy brain work or was interested in personal growth.
Disappointment
Initially I was disappointed. I thought it would be great if we were mentally compatible.
(Image)
This was especially because I felt a very high level of compatibility with him in the other three areas: emotional, physical, spiritual.
Emotionally, I’ve always wanted a partner who is kind. Ken is not only kind, but also sensitive, reliable, open, caring, empathetic, patient, sweet, etc. He is much more than what I could have ever asked for.
Physically, my criteria have always been to be at least my height (1.7 m), and to be presentable. Ken is taller than me (1.81m), well-built, charming, good looking, and very presentable in his dressing. Physically, he way exceeds what I was looking for.
Spiritually, it’s hard to quantify this, but there were various signs of synchronicity between us. For example, we began to dream about each other within weeks of reacquainting. I felt increasingly drawn to him as we spent more time chatting, which I could only explain as a soul-level connection.
After some thought, I realized that I was okay not being fully mentally compatible with my partner. If I am to really nail it down, the most important attributes to me in a partner are emotional availability, kindness, and caringness. Ken is already all of that, and so much more. I couldn’t have asked for more.
I figured that I probably didn’t need someone who 100% matched me on all four levels. That’s probably impossible, I thought. I can always turn to my more intellectual friends if I ever need mental stimulation, settle for a 20-30% mental connection with him, and celebrate our 100% connection in the other areas.
A Surprise
So two nights after we got together, we had our usual nighttime phone chat. Our call started at 4am because I had to finish some work first.
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During the call, we talked about the usual things: updating each other on our day, and talking about different things in our lives.
Somewhere along the call, I made a side remark sharing a deeper perspective to something we were talking about. It was something about how the worldview one adopts affects his/her quality of life, and it’s in a person’s power to adopt an internal locus vs. an external locus of control, contrary to what many may think.
I thought he wouldn’t fully comprehend what I just said and would simply respond with a generic remark — something I would be okay with. This is the kind of response I normally get from others anyway, and I’m used to not being fully understood or having the nuances of my comments caught on.
To my surprise, he picked up on what I was saying and gave a thoughtful response.
Did I just hear him right? I thought, surprised.
Hesitant, I decided to take his response and run ahead with it. I started to share more on what I meant, along with my analysis and reasons why — fully expecting the conversation was going to come a close now as it was now heading to a level which I never speak at with others. Typically if I were to try to speak this way — openly, without holding back, and deeply, about the deeper layers of a topic — to others, I would either (a) be deemed intimidating, even when I was not trying to be, or (b) not be understood. So over time, I simply learned to hold my real thoughts to myself, while giving generic comments to most people in order to fit in.
To my surprise again, Ken was able to fully comprehend what I just said and gave yet another well-thought-out response, this time building on his stance further while providing his own point-by-point response to what I just said, combined with his own insights, examples, and analyses. This back-and-forth exchange went on for a few more times.
A Mind-Blowing Moment
By the time we were done, my brain had been stretched to the furthest corners of my skull and exploded in it. I felt like I had just sat through one of the most intellectual conversations of my life: our conversation had reached a level which I had never experienced before with anyone.
In my mind, I could only think, Holy ****, this guy is much more than what he lets on!!
Breaking of Dawn
At this point it was already early morning, 6am. With a look of disbelief, I asked him if he knows he’s actually very smart (there was no better way I could put it). I also asked him why he doesn’t show this side of him around others. In all the interactions I had seen of him, he generally remains smiles, says very little, and then gives very generic remarks about the conversation.
He explained that he has always been observant of tiny details since young, be it words people use, colors, or objects. He would remember these details very vividly. When reading books, he is able to easily breakdown information and remember everything he reads.
While he thought everyone was like that, he later realized it isn’t true. So consequently, he decided to hide this side of him in favor of preserving group harmony, since others may not understand what he’s trying to say. And the side of him I’ve seen of him socially, is the side that he has cultivated over time as part of preserving group dynamics.
A Conversation That Would Not End
We proceeded to chat for the next… not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 6 hours.
By the time we were done, we had talked for a full 8.5 hours (of solid conversation, not casual banter). We had chatted from 4am all the way to 12:30pm in the afternoon — without sleeping the day before.
And that’s not all — the reason we had to hang up had nothing to do with us feeling tired and wanting to sleep. It was because Ken had a work meeting to attend. In fact, we ended the call feeling all revved up from our exchanges, despite not having slept for the past 26 hours.
A New Realization; A Hint There Was Something Special
By then I was blown out of my mind, because I could now feel that there was something really serious going on in this relationship. Not that I didn’t think so before (else I wouldn’t have entered into a relationship with him), but this was beyond anything I could have ever imagined.
With this 8.5-hour phone chat, our connection suddenly evolved to a new level. Not only is he a perfect match for me emotionally, physically, and spiritually, he is also a perfect match for me mentally, to the point where we can talk non-stop for 8.5 hours without trying, at an intellectual level I’ve never spoken at with anyone else.
Personally, I had never had such a long phone call (or in-person conversation) with anyone up till then. My longest phone conversation in the past was — I don’t know — 3 hours and 45 minutes? Neither had he too (he said his longest phone conversation was 1+ hour tops with his exes; even then they would be chatting about casual stuff, not deep topics like what we just did).
If not for his work meeting, we would have gone on and on. We ended the call not because we wanted to, but because we had to.
This was the first time I thought, Hey, I think this is someone I can see myself with… for life.
Realizing Ken is “The One”
Subsequently, many things happened rapidly in the next few weeks which made me realize that Ken is the one for me (on top of everything I’ve already mentioned above).
There are too many reasons to list them all, but just to share the key ones:
- He loves me as who I am. He constantly tells me that he loves me, how I’m perfect and the only woman he’ll ever want to be with for the rest of his life, and how he loves everything about me: from my looks to my personality to my work.
- He celebrates my success. He told me that he loves the fact that I’m a strong and confident woman, and he has no issue if his girlfriend is more successful or earns more than him. He said that not because I was earning more than him (it depends), but because he wants me to soar to my greatest height. Instead of being intimidated by my drive and what I’ve achieved, which is what I often faced with other men, he loves that I’m always striving to be the best I can be.
- He is always there for me, rain or shine. When I’m sick, he would be by my side 24/7 caring for me, feeding me, changing my cooling pack, tucking me in, etc. When I feel upset about something, he would be by my side supporting me, even though I do not need him to. He is always be my side throughout every difficulty and situation.
- We can talk about anything and everything. From frivolous banter to intellectual debates, we can talk endlessly about anything. There are often times when we lay on the bed chatting all night, only to realize morning is already here and we have not slept. At the same time, we are completely at ease with being silent and just enjoying each other’s company.
- He is completely open with his emotions. No hiding, no closing off, no emotional unavailability, Ken wears his heart on his sleeve with me. He does not play games and is completely open and truthful in all our communications.
- We can be 100% ourselves with each other. While with others we may feel the need to slightly monitor our behavior or display a different persona, with each other we are simply ourselves. We can be goofy, serious, sound off whatever is on our mind (including things we’re unhappy about), and be each other’s confidants.
- He cares for my every need (even though I don’t need him to). For example, he often cooks for me, does the laundry, washes the dishes, and does other household chores (and same from me to him). He tucks me into bed every night, and pours a glass of water for me every morning after I wake up so that I get hydrated. I have never asked him to do these; he just does them because he says he enjoys caring for me.
- He does little things that shows that he cares.
- He remembers all our anniversaries and special events, and even sets calendar alerts for the important ones. He wishes me “Happy anniversary” whenever the clock strikes 12 on the fifth of every month (we got together on 5 May).
- He keeps memorabilia of our key experiences together.
- He constantly wants to buy flowers to show his love for and appreciation of me, though I’ve since told him not to do so anymore as I find them a waste of money.
- He repeatedly affirms his love for me, even though I don’t need it.
- He likes surprising me with heart shapes in our meals. For example:
Mushroom soup; he cooked the soup and created the heart shape with vegan bacon bits
Chickpeas, peas, corn, and a walnut, all arranged in a heart shape. This was during our second month together.
Wholemeal bread — he bit the bread into a heart shape.
- We resolve conflicts quickly. Like anyone building a a close connection, we have conflicts. When we do, we don’t leave the issues hanging for long. We resolve them right away, and we work on addressing the root cause so they don’t recur.
- He has made huge positive changes since we got together. These changes include fully quitting smoking a week after we got together (previously he was a heavy smoker for six years, smoking 12-15 cigarettes every day), drinking a lot lesser (from eight pints three times a week, to one glass every three weeks, to only 1-2 cans of beer a few times a year), quitting clubbing, tidying his room to create a homely environment, and increasing his income. These changes revolve around improving his health and taking charge of his life in order to build a better future together.
He quit smoking a week after we got together, after being a heavy smoker for six years (Image)
A Soul-Level Connection
Looking back, there are many synchronicities in our relationship:
- Us first meeting 9 years ago (mid-2004), only to reacquaint 4.5 years later (end 2008), and then to reacquaint again another 4.5 years later (early 2013)
- My tarot card reading in Spain in 2011 which foreshadowed Ken’s entrance in hindsight
- The exact lineup in our personalities and thinking. I’m a thinker, he’s a feeler; I’m intuitive, he’s sensorial; I’m more extroverted, he’s a non-verbal introvert; I have a vibrant and creative energy, his is one of calmness and stability. We have never met someone who fits us in the way we do with each other.
- How Ken thought about being open to relationships again in late Feb this year, which was the exact period I decided I was done looking for someone and was going to focus on self over finding love
- Him suddenly thinking of organizing his contact list one night (he never ever thinks of doing that), which led to him seeing my name, which led to us reconnecting while I was in South Africa
- We got together on May 5 (2013), around 5:55am, though this date/time was not planned
For many of these synchronicities, I can only pin them down as our spirit guides trying to put us together.
We believe that nothing happened in the first two times we met because we were still growing in our own paths. We were not ready to be together. But our spirit guides kept putting us back together. And the third time is the charm.
By then, we have come into our own and built our lives, which was why we “clicked” and got together so quickly after one “hello” message. Within a few months, we began to feel like we are old souls who have known each other forever.
Twin Flames / Souls
For a quick timeline of our relationship, two weeks after we got together, we moved in together (we alternated between staying at each other’s places; we stayed with our parents, typical in an Asian society). A little over a month later, he proposed. And a year later (2014), we got married. While others might be quick to judge and say that this is too fast, for us it felt just right.
Apparently there is this term called “twin flames/souls,” and we feel that it could possibly describe our relationship:
Twin flames, also called twin souls, are literally the other half of our soul. We each have only one twin, and generally after being split the two went their separate ways, incarnating over and over to gather human experience before coming back together. Ideally, this happens in both of their last lifetimes on the planet so they can ascend together.
Each twin is a complete soul, not half a soul. It is their task to become more whole, balancing their female and male sides, and ideally become enlightened, before reuniting with their twin. This reunion is of 2 complete and whole beings. All other relationships through all our lives could be said to be “practice” for the twin, the ultimate relationship.
From: Center of Soul Evolution, on Twin Flames
Boyfriend, fiancé, husband, life partner, etc. — these are all just labels in the end. Ultimately, Ken is more than any of that to me: he’s my soulmate, and so am I to him.
What Helped Me “Find” Ken
I’ve sort of littered these lessons throughout my story, but in short these are the things which helped me find and eventually be together with Ken:
- By focusing on my path “over” finding someone (Part 2)
- By first developing myself, coming into my own, and growing to be my highest self (though I believe it’s possible to find your partner even as you are growing, since life is a work-in-progress) (Part 1)
- By following the path of love vs. fear, taking a leap of faith, and not letting my fears get in the way of knowing and eventually being with someone (Parts 2 and 3)
- By recognizing what is my most-valued criteria in a partner (kindness, caringness), which allowed me to get together with Ken (vs. filtering him away), after which I then realized he is really my ideal partner (Part 4, above)
- By addressing all my personal issues and baggage early on in life so that I was ready to build my highest connection with Ken by the time he re-entered my life
What’s Next in The Series
Due to reader requests, I’m now planning a part 5 in the series where Ken gets to share his side of the story, Q&A style, so that you get to hear from the other person/ the guy’s perspective! I think this will be useful for those who want to get into a conscious relationship to get the full picture and better understand how the other party thinks.
So if any of you have questions for Ken, post them here!!
Update Sep 29, 2013: The Q&A with Ken is now up! :) Read How My Husband Realized I Am The One For Him (And Your Questions For Him, Answered), where Ken answers your questions and shares his side of the story.
This is part 4 of my 7-part series on finding love where I share my love journey, how I found my soulmate, and how you can attract authentic love as well.
- Part 1: My Journey in Love
- Part 2: Meeting My Husband (Someone I Knew From Before)
- Part 3: Addressing My Inner Demons
- Part 4: How I Realized My Husband Is The One For Me
- Part 5: How My Husband Realized I Am The One For Him (And Your Questions For Him, Answered)
- Part 6: 10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love
- Part 7: How To Know When You Have Found ‘The One’: 8 Questions To Consider
(Images: Selected shots from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot; Other images unless otherwise stated: Personal Excellence)
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Thanks for sharing your love story with us! It’s absolutely cute & romantic & cheesy but definitely so real. Congratulations for finding your soul mate! :)
I am glad you found the right Man :))) I am so happy for you
Big heart, genuine care is things that make people so connected to each other. I was excited by the way and style you wrote all this. Love is the answer to all difficult questions…You are very open-hearted person and I CAN understand your Ken why he is in love with you. Right now I’m in situation similar to yours, but I’m still trying to figure out whom I actually love. So thank you for your tips) There are two guys that love me, but I seem to be “frozen” for them as I like another guy at all…
You gave me hope! I was meant to read your story at a time when I needed it the most:) thank you for sharing and giving me inspiration and the right advice! This touched my life more than you know!
You gave me hope!!! I feel that it was meant for me to read this at a time I needed it the most! You made me see things in a different perspective!
I know some of these questions are very nosy! so you don’t have to answer all of these if you dont want to :) But I guess my questions to Ken would be stuff like:
– What were you thinking when you found Celes’ name in your phone that made you want to contact her?
– What clues made you realise that Celes was “the one” for you? (especially coming from a place where you’ve had experience with other relationships)
– Was there any part of you that was thinking you were moving fast (with moving in together / proposing) or did it all feel exactly the right timing? Also, did your previous relationships move forward fast by society’s / friends’ “normal” standards?
– Is “the spark” / chemistry an important part for you? (some say it’s more important to guys that to girls)
– How do you feel about putting your relationship out here so publically (and having people like us asking you questions about it! hehe)?
– Once you are in a serious relationship, do you think it’s important to be dedicated to your partner and become a family man pretty much 100% of your time, or do you think it’s important to be a family man and also put aside “me time” for hobbies that you do entirely on your own or only for “you and the guys”?
– This one is either for Celes or Ken: do you ever have moments when you get sick of one another? (lol) – I mean this in a way where you feel this and still love each other – (sorry to put it so bluntly, but coming from someone whose never been in a relationship before, this is one of my greatest fears about getting into a relationship – that I’ll need my space and won’t want to see my partner for a couple of days but will feel committed, like I HAVE to.)
ok – I think that’s everything :)
I’d be interested in the answer to the last one. :) Space is important to me too.
Really enjoyed reading this series Celes! Sounds like a dream. :) Congrats again to both of you!
Thank you so much for your kind words Vishnu!! :)
you inspire high!
When I first found out that you are getting married with someone who you are dating for only two months, my first thought was: “What? You can’t marry someone so soon!” And I was skeptical :) But after reading more of your story, I realized that it is possible to fasten the “time to knowing each other”. In this few months together you two experienced more that other coupples experience in a year. I guess a process of knowing each other only with the mind (only with thinking, through ego, through telling our selves stories about who this person is) takes time. It takes time for our mind to understand and to feel safe. But that is just a virtual safety. And it also take time if we don’t adress our inner demons! You have adressed them in only a few days after they appeared, wow.
I am happy for you two, congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story.
HI celes..CONGRATS .. first of all let me tel you that d very first thought i had while reading d name of the topic of this post ..was… WAAOWW… a person who has just done sooo much of hard work to make this world a better place ..through helping people grow … truelyy deserves a Person like she is mentioning..!! I always believe those who have goodness..they are God’s favourite and always given bestest in their lives..i had read almost all your earlier posts….you deserve the best as you struggled too..!! Im realllyy veryyy very HAPPY for you n ken….. I wish u all the BEST things in life.. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH n touch wood to your Relationship.. stayy happy n healthy..always
LOVE
Dr Sanchita
(New Delhi,India)
Hi Celes,
thanks for sharing this new series. It is really brave of you to open up and discuss such intimate part about yourself and your relationship. I think not everyone can do that. At least not me :D
How old is Ken? and what are his intention (or rather what are the thoughts going on in his mind) when he first contacted you? Was it just to reconnect with a friend or he already has the intention to go after you?
Hey Alyssa, thanks for your questions! :D I can answer the questions here already but I’ll leave them in the Q&A for Ken to answer in his own words (someone else also asked what triggered him to recontact me back at that point!).
That’s really sweet, Celes! I have been curious for quite some time why a girl like you would decide to hand over your life to one man so soon and now i understood completely. The part which Ken quit smoking was just amazing! I am so happy for you both meeting each other and tying the knot soon! Congratulations!!! :)
Thank you Tan Chee Teng!! :) I appreciate your kind wishes!
Congratz Celes and Ken, for finding each other..
Hi,Ken,
Have a question for you.. As you know, Celes is a public figure, atleast for the 1 Million readers who follows her and reads her blogs/posts. Even interviewed in Singapore TV channels, so people know her. How you guys developed feelings for each other, how it grew from a mere acquaintance to marriage are all out there in Celes’s posts and open to public.. When you both have kids, I’m guessing Celes might come up with great posts on child care and stuff.. :))
Anyways, the question is : Are you comfortable with your life related matters exposed to all readers? Somewhere in your mind, did this thought ever cross you – of having a little privacy? Don’t get me wrong, just curious to know because I’m a “Pvt Ltd” person :))
Are you a public figure yourself ? If so, can you please share more details regarding those aspects? I’d love to hear..
Many thanks,
PC
Interesting, that part about 100% compatibility. It’s awesome that you eventually discovered that side of him as well :D I also agree that even if not, it’s totally okay if one doesn’t share everything with their partner. Sometimes differences can also enrich a relationship, allowing both to see the world through a different perspective.
My bf has quite a few traits different from me. When we reconnected back in winter, I thought I had changed so much that I didn’t have much in common with him anymore. I’ve since become more tolerant of differences in some fundamentals (mostly regarding veganism and money). As you said, there will always be friends who will connect to you on that level and you don’t have to get everything from the same person, although it’s lucky if you can!
Thanks for writing this series! I like how you openly share things some people would consider too nosey asking about :D
Thank you again for being so open and sharing with us… :)
and the series is great… but in this series till yet the focus is on Ken, what he do, how caring loving and great he is ( WHICH I REALLY APPRECIATE). But can you write on what you do for Ken? or request Ken to write about you? because I think that we can learn a lot by this, if you can share about what are the needs of Ken, how you meet them, how you care for him, how you fulfill his values and everything related to it..
I hope you got my point…
I’m so happy to read that you and Ken are at a such high level of compatibility, especially in mental capacity which I feel matters much to you!
I’m starting to really like Ken (hi Ken!), and fully look forward to your Part 5. No questions from me. :)
wow~ amazing and a beautiful love story ,the passage is aslo so long,hah~ but i love it , giving me a lot inspiration ,thanks ! and congratulations ,wish your a more romantic future！
Thank you leslie! :)
Hi everyone! I’m now considering a part five in the series where Ken gets to share his side of the story, in a Q&A format, so that you get to hear from the other person/guy’s perspective! I think this will be useful for those of us who want to get into a conscious relationship to get the full picture so we can better understand how our potential other half thinks.
So if any of you have questions you have for Ken (like how did you know Celes is the one? when did you know she is the one? etc.), then post them in reply to this comment!!
How Celes takes care of you? She mentioned all the great things which you do for her, so what is the inspiration source of all of this greatness? :)
Does it comes from something Celes do for you? or something from inside of you?
I hope you got my question because English is not my primary language so I cannot ask as I can ask in my primary language.
P.S YOU BOTH ARE AMAZING PEOPLE :)
Love your questions, INFJ! :) Will include them in the Q&A with him! :)
I’d like to know what he thought about you the previous times you met. Why he didn’t get in touch with you then but only recently. Was he a different person then, or you, or both? I’m guessing it wouldn’t have been the right time then but I always wonder why not and how people change :)
Hi Jade, I can already address that one! (Though I’m still going to put this in the Q&A for him to share it in his own words!)
We were really just very different people back in those two times; we have changed a lot since then. There wasn’t any special reason why he didn’t get in touch with me because we were simply just fleeting acquaintances (it’s just like some of the many random people you meet in life; you don’t follow up with them and there’s just really no reason why).
We never knew each other enough to follow up with each other; and in fact I’d actually look at it as “Why did he get in touch with her now?” vs. a “Why did he not get in touch in the past?” The former is because he really just got a random thought out of the blue that fateful to organize his contact list (which I briefly mentioned in part four), after which he saw my name, had the faint recollection that I have been doing the whole P.D. thing, googled me/looked up my Facebook, saw that I was in S.A. and he decided to drop me a message. And yes, based on an act as random as that, things then started happening. (Which partly why we really think these are external forces — our spirit guides — at work trying to put us back together.)
Also he had always been in relationships since he was in college (he was from all-boys schools from primary to secondary school) all the way till nine years later, so he wouldn’t really be in the space to think about meeting girls / getting to know new girls previously anyway. Not that he would have needed to do so because for some reason he always had no issue forming romantic relationships all his life (his own charisma maybe?). It was in fact his personal choice to just remain single after nine years of relationships because he had “seen girls of all looks and characters” (his own words) and had “seen enough” (my words), before our meeting almost one and a-half years later.
I would like to ask him that
Hey Celes – a couple questions – you might have answered them, maybe not. What was going on in Ken’s life when he decided to reach out to you? Maybe similar to what you wrote, what helped Ken find you:) (other than sorting his contacts :) )
What inspired the romantic proposal? Had he always been thinking about it or had he been listening to clues from you? Did he ever imagine he would have such a romantic proposal or was it spontaneously crafted during the time he knew you and inspired solely by you:) ?
Hey
I read the series and you amaze me as always with your flawless writing and clarity of thought. I followed all 4 of them l but didn’t have the time then to comment. I loved the way you wrote the whole story and (judging by the comments) it will inspire a lot of people to find their love. The story sounded much like a fairy tale. I also liked that Ken is so committed towards you and takes such good care of you and leaves his guy-ish lifestyle to be with u. However I would like to say one thing by experience that don’t let your man leave something for you. I know it must have been Ken’s choice since he is so smitten by you and your charms like you are by him. In the long run relationships blooms on trust and giving space to each other. I understood this in a very hard way and I would say that you should also indulge in the activities that are close to him. I know you abhor clubbing so find may be u ll find something else that is special to him. Obviously by saying this I do not mean that you should encourage him while chain- smokes or drives drunk.
As my relationship with my boyfriend started we were so much into each other all the time that we ditched friends and family which was then understandable . However as time passed it drifted me away from my friends and him from his. My friends who were so supportive of me throughout started feeling that i have changed now and forgot our friendship. I took me a lot of effort to win them back and since then we both decided to be the people who we were when we feel in love with each other <3
I also enjoyed the whole series and i noticed that you took very calculated steps before entering into the relationship. I think that it was a very good thing to do on your part and Ken is so lucky to have such a intelligent girl in his life. Also the way you two look at each other on the pics says a lot. Though I have little faith in the word soulmates but I would say (judging by your description of Ken) that you both definitely compliment each other.
Thank you so much for sharing your life. It was a wonderful and inspiring one. Wish you eternal happiness and my best wishes.
-Muna
Hi Muna, thanks for your well wishes and sharing! :D I really love the points you’ve made; they are very valid and well-placed.
I love your point that a relationship works both ways, because it really does. That’s definitely so for our relationship, and I just want to stress it here just so readers don’t develop the skewed notion that women should always expect the guy or one party to do everything (we shouldn’t; it can become quite a parasitical dynamic).
Regarding your point about having your man leave something for you, Ken has a very strong core for himself (and that’s why he has never in any way been intimidated by my presence or what I do, unlike guys I met in the past). I’ve never expected him to make any changes in the relationship, even smoking actually. (I entered the relationship fully accepting that: “Okay, this guy smokes a lot and I will not judge. There is a chance he may never stop smoking, and I’m going to have to accept that.” (Though he did mention before we got together that he would like to quit sometime in the future.).
Whatever changes he made (and will continue to make) are all decisions he made himself, after which I support them to my best capacity. E.g., after he decided to give a shot at not smoking, I then quickly stepped in to work with him one-to-one to break the addiction, which led him to successfully quit it. Before that I never once made or suggested things, “You should stop smoking” or “I don’t like that you smoke”.
It’s just that since I’m writing from my side of the story, it’s possible that the story (how he gives and is there for me all the time) may seem a little skewed since I don’t really keep track of the things I do for him nor care to mention (e.g. me washing his hair for him and giving him head massages; I have gone clubbing with him before just to experience his world through his eyes; working with him through smoking among other stuff; taking the lead in our wedding arrangements since he has to work, etc.), since they are things I want to do voluntarily for him and they come second-nature for me. (It’s just like him cooking, washing clothes, etc. for me are things he automatically enjoys doing for me and he doesn’t give any special attention to them nor think of them as special at all.)
But yes, a winning relationship IMO definitely has to work both ways. And I’d like all of us here to walk away remembering that and not look for a relationship where it’s just the guy (or even girl) being the provider. That wouldn’t be a healthy approach, especially because we should look at our partner as “our other half” (whereby half is not a literal half but a complete soul in itself).
Hey
I think you are right, since you write the story so you depict the other person more than you do yourself. And i clearly understand the ambiguity it produces. I definitely agree that a winning relationship is earned both ways and should not be looked upon like a provider-receiver relationship. By your reply and the series it looks that may be the time you spent with each other is less but definitely you have the connection and understanding that develops with time.Maybe it’s because you knew exactly what you are looking in a person.
Again I would like to wish u best of luck and looking forward to read more from you..
I was giggling like a school girl while reading this post. Seriously, the things Ken does for you like the tucking you into bed, giving up smoking and other harmful habits, to making you food( heart shaped nutella sandwich. that’s genius)! Ah! be still my heart! This really touched the romantic in me! You are one lucky, lucky girl, Celestine! ^_^
How strange! I had an epiphany today, and I told myself, ” I want to be the right person before I find the right one.” I para-phrase, but these thoughts did occupy my mind today. And it is so true! I love how you carefully evaluated aspects concerning compatibility including yourself(like the fear that tried to hold you back) before jumping into a relationship. Any many other things I want to address, but my computer is lagging today so I’ll cut it short.
I really enjoyed this series; it’s inspiring and restores my faith in love and pure happiness. I think I speak for most people here when I say how your truly rewarding it is to read about your experience with Love. More people need to know that true love exist, and not only in a partner but in yourself. What’s even more rewarding is the message you send regarding placing a high importance on self value. It’s beautiful. Because if we neglect these things that make us whole, or human, we’re only going to receive to halves, or reject it. But, returning back to the point of these article, it’s inspiring because it makes one realize that there still is hope despite how grey the outlook is. I
That’s all I have to say, but yeah. :) Yes, I agree, an article from Ken’s point of view would be most interesting!
Oh, this might sound generic, but you two should do a boy/girl friend tag type video. If you want! Something goofy and silly. Just ask a series of questions like, “What’s my favorite hobby/movie/food.” That the other has to answer. I think there’s a pre made- list of questions floating around the internet.
Dearest Kiki, you put your thoughts in such beautiful words. Thank you so much for reading this series and sharing your comments every step of the way! :) It’s so encouraging to read what you have to share each time.
Haha a boy/girl friend tag-type video would be funny! Though I doubt I’ll do one unless we are invited to do so externally.
Reason being is that (a) I don’t particularly see it’s direct value-add to PE’s message (I gather it’s more for entertainment value which would work well on an entertainment-type channel?) and (b) we actually know each other to an extremely high degree and many of such questions, we already know that we know w/o having to cross-check w/ one another!
So the surprise may be low for us which may take away the fun factor usually present in such tag videos, hence making it less fun to the viewers!
(Like just yesterday I was doing a few ruffles with my bean pillow for three seconds before stopping. (Just the ruffling sound, nothing else.) Ken then started laughing because he knew (without asking) that I was trying mimick the opening of the 20th Century Fox intro (which you see every time before their movies), which I actually was!
It was utterly hilarious because it was nothing than a few ruffles and I didn’t give any clue nor said anything about trying to mimic the opening. We were just resting on the bed and I was thinking of the tune, so I decided to just push the pillow up and down a few times at that time to mimic it!
Side note: This flute version of the 20th century fox intro is hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsdCGQbbd8k)
Thanks for sharing your life so openly. Love reading it and your pictures.
Your writing and storytelling skills are amazing.
I would love to hear Ken’s side of the story too.
Aw thanks Qin Tang! :) Thanks for your suggestion. I may well do a new post (possibly Q&A style) to share his side of the story if other readers express interest as well. It’ll be interesting to hear his take as a guy for sure, and also insightful for those of us considering to get into a conscious relationship (I notice that many readers commenting seem to be ladies!).
I don’t have much to say here, Celes, but I still wanted to comment just so you know I’m keeping up with your posts. =)
Right now I’m really tired (I just spent a long weekend meeting one of my boyfriend’s brothers for the first time — I was super nervous about making a good first impression!), but I’ll ponder if I have any questions/can think of anything I’d like you to talk about and make another comment if I think of anything!
All in all, I think you and Ken are adorable!
Thank you Calae!! :) I hope you have a good rest and that the meeting went well!
Thanks for this great content (y)
This post really helped me to understand the
easiest ways to get your soulmate. It has great
details that are easy to understand. It also has great tips. This post titled “make a girlfriend: seven tips http://bit.ly/14lVRcv “ it is simple but
great! I recommend it for all readers. Thanks
Celes,
I didn’t have internet access for some weeks, and I REALLY missed you and PE. The first thing after having my internet back I did, was reading your blog.
And about the post:
That is awesome, what is named here is the only love, I call “true love”. I am really happy for you and Ken, and whatever Ken(and you of course) is doing, is because of him appreciating you and your being.
Wish you two eternal happiness.
P.S.:: Your pictures are AWESOME. Thanks for sharing these beautiful moments, poses, scenes and love with us.
Thanks for your sweet comments Farnam! :) I’m planning a series of new posts sharing our top favorite engagement pictures which we took while in Scotland last month. The pictures I’ve been sharing in this soulmate series are just a few from the collection and a teaser prelude, really: like you, I really love how they turned out!!
Added a new snippet description on “twin souls” or “twin flames” in the article, for those who have never heard of the concept before. (I actually haven’t, prior to writing part four!)
From: http://www.soulevolution.org/twinflames/twinflames.htm
That seems a more positive way to look at it (two complete souls rather half a soul) because it doesn’t suggest that anything’s missing in you or that there’s something wrong with you that you need someone else to fix. Thanks for posting the quote and link. :)
That’s great that you and Ken are compatible on all those levels. When I read about the things he does for you, I thought he sounds like a character in a book! lol.
The synchronicities are interesting too. What you said about “growing into your own” makes a lot of sense. It wasn’t right before but now it is. I’ve read quite a lot about Twin Flames and people’s stories and they seem to be very painful connections but usually when people meet it isn’t quite right; one or both is in a relationship with someone else or one person (there tends to be one called a “runner”) runs away because the intensity of the connection is too strong. I suppose if you have two people who were already whole, complete and secure in themselves before getting together (for example you and Ken), who could both handle the intensity of the relationship, then it could work out ok, (or could work out very well) and be a positive experience. :)
I’ve enjoyed reading this series. :) All that I might ask in another part is if you have any extra tips about finding your soulmate or preparing for a soulmate relationship that you haven’t already covered. I think with some of us there may be a lot of stuff to be sifted through before we could have this type of soulmate relationship but then again that’s a limiting belief! (I need to work on those, lol). As you said, life is a work in progress, so I also believe it’s possible to find your partner while you’re still working on yourself and to grow with them.
Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. Good luck to you and Ken and look forward to hearing more in the future. :)
Hey Moonsparkle! That’s interesting that you’ve read quite a lot about Twin Flames (and about people’s stories).
What have you read about those painful connections? It’s interesting because I would never have associated Twin Flames/Twin Souls with pain or unhappiness. I do know that there are soul-level connections that can manifest themselves as enemies/nemesis/toxic people in our lives just to help us learn lessons in our life.
And I hear you regarding extra tips about “finding” one’s soulmate! The five steps I mentioned at the end of the article pretty much rounds it all up. I’d imagine if I do write a part on this, it’d pretty much be a deeper elaboration of those points.
Hi Celes. :) With a lot of the people who believe they’ve met their Twin Flame, it doesn’t seem to end that well; it seems that a lot of the time they meet their twin when either they or the twin are in a relationship with someone else or one or both just aren’t ready to be together. Therefore it’s very painful because they feel that they can’t be together. And they have experiences such as telepathy, coincidences/synchronicities, connecting through dreams, feeling their chakras open up etc. For some people the connection is too strong, so they “run away”.
I’ve also heard about the enemy/nemesis type soul connections, some might be friends who you fall out with or people you meet who are there to teach you a lesson. Some people believe there to be “karmic soulmates” who we have karma with and these are supposedly unhappy relationships with a lot of problems. I’ve also read about “near twins” where they might seem like your Twin Flame but they’re not and those relationships don’t tend to be particularly positive either.
A lot of people go through what’s called the “separation” phase with their twin, where they can’t be with them. There’s a theory that a soul connection isn’t necessarily about having a physical relationship but about you learning and growing as a person, a sort of spiritual awakening. So during the separation you can work on yourself and be the best person you can be and you may end up reuniting with your twin or you may not. Maybe you’ll be together in another life. A quote I see a lot is this one:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. ― Elizabeth Gilbert
It’s not all bad though, some couples are together after working through their problems and Sarah Prout from SarahProut.com met her Twin Flame Sean Patrick Simpson on Twitter (she’s from Australia and he’s American) and they’re getting married this month! (Actually I think they just got married yesterday because on 9th Sept, Sarah said that they were getting married in 12 days). Here’s her story if you or anyone else are interested in reading it: http://sarahprout.com/2013/04/true-love-story-we-met-on-twitter/
Also an interesting site about Twin Flames/soul connections is this one:
http://www.mirrorspirits.com/table-of-contents/
The webmistress Sebby calls them “Mirror Spirits”.
That will be good if you do decide to write a post going deeper into the tips. :)
Hi Moonsparkle!
Actually I think you summarize their whole issue of pain very well with, “So during the separation you can work on yourself and be the best person you can be and you may end up reuniting with your twin or you may not. Maybe you’ll be together in another life.”
I don’t think there should be an attachment to the notion of twin flames/souls having to be together right away every step of the way; attachment to this idea is probably what caused the pain for those people. The fact that they were not able to be together probably suggested the time wasn’t ripe for them (or maybe they weren’t even twin flames/souls but thought they were and wanted to hang on to that notion — just a possible thought).
From my experience with Ken, our connection never required much effort (if at all) on our part; it just blended together automatically and kept spiraling higher and higher by itself. If it had required an exceeding amount of work on each’s end to make things happen, and if we were feeling anguish through the steps, it would be more suggestive of an underlying incompatibility/issue with the connection than anything.
As you have rightfully pointed out, maybe the twins will be together in another life. The objective of the twin souls crossing each other’s path in a lifetime isn’t necessary to unite there and then. They get to incarnate over and over many lifetimes so their whole journey is really to become full/whole themselves rather than obsessing about the ‘when’ and ‘how’ or uniting with one another.
I just posted an update to part four with a further elaboration on twin flames/souls at the end of the article. There’s a link for further reading if you’re interested.
I really like how that page describes twin souls, about how it is their task to first become whole souls themselves first before uniting, and how them uniting becomes their “ultimate relationship” (everything before that is actually “practice” for this ultimate relationship).
Funnily this is exactly how Ken and I have felt about our relationship within two months after we were together. I only knew about the concept of twin flames/souls today when wrapping up part four and was a surprised at how it basically surmised what we feel about our relationship. It was as if it was describing our entire connection and how we feel about each other, which I take as a positive sign definitely.
Hi Celes! Yes, it could be that it was attachment to the idea of being together every step of the way that caused the pain. I think when you’re involved in this lifetime it’s hard to think outside of that but maybe that’s part of the journey. :) Also like you suggested, it could be that they weren’t actually Twin Flames. It’s interesting to hear your perspective on it.
It sounds like with you and Ken the connection “flowed”, it just naturally happened that way and that’s how I viewed soulmates originally, as a connection that felt natural and “right”. It sounds like you have a special connection, whatever name you want to call it. :)
I’ll read the update and have a look at the link.
Loved the Pics. Loved the Story.
I’m glad you do Zoe!! :) Thanks so much for your comment!
Hi Celes, I hope you don’t find my comment offensive. I’m asking this out of pure curiousity and not malice. I’ve read dating books like Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars and all of them mention a feel-good hormone in the brain that acts like a drug and makes us feel in love. This explains the “honeymoon period” we layman say.
How do you know that you guys are not in said period? I remember feeling like what you said with one of my ex, 100% of my heart felt like it was true love and then one day, many many months later the feeling just fades and things become clearer. Honeymoon’s over.
Hey Sharon! I appreciate your question; thank you for asking! :) The honeymoon thing is a comment which many have used to downplay the significance of our relationship (I’m not saying you are, just saying that others have been doing that when they hear about how we feel towards each other).
And to be honest, there’s no way I can address the viewpoint of those who think that way without them still thinking that way. Because to them, the feelings of excitement and happiness within X duration (where X duration is a short period, say under a year or 6 months) is simply just honeymoon period. That’s the belief system they operate in and they’ll continue to undermine any relationships under that X time period no matter what they see or hear. They cannot accept that there are relationships where couples can be honestly and truly recognize that the other party is their life partner despite having only spent X days/weeks/months together (very rare and something which I would have thought is bogus thinking until I personally experienced this myself).
Myself, the only way I can analogize it is just like how I discovered my life purpose 7 years ago in 2006 and never told anyone because no one would have believed me.
Or how I decided that I was going to quit my job in 2008 to pursue my passion and people felt I was just being whimsical, going through a phase, crazy, and all that kinda stuff.
“She’s so young, what can she possibly know about life or what a life purpose is?” is what the critics thought but didn’t say. “She’s probably going back to her day job after a while.”
But hey, 7 years later from 2006, and this is still my path. Nothing has changed. People are surprised but I’m not.There’s no reason why my life purpose or life direction would have changed; I have already done my thorough digging/processing back in 2006. I already *knew* that this is what I want to do back then. People didn’t and people threw doubt at me because they didn’t know what I went through and what I was thinking.
There wouldn’t be any way for me to prove or disprove to anyone that I really knew what I was feeling and doing at any of those moments; the only way for me was just to live my life, do my thing, and leave people to their own thoughts. It’s kinda the same here actually (regarding this whole ‘soulmate’ ‘claim’ I’m making about Ken and I).
The only way for me to best convey my situation and emotions is by detailing my thought process and emotions as possible (which I have tried to do with this four-part story); what the rest want to think and conclude is really up to them. I hope they will have more faith in the story and in the notion of true love some time down the road when they check the blog and see that we are still together. :)
Nice conclusion to the series! If it is that?
And wow, he gets you a glass of water in the morning. I do that for Lydia as well. Every night I leave a big glass of water next to her bed for when she wakes up. That’s a caring thing for anyone to do. In my case, I didn’t want coffee to be her first drink of the day. I couldn’t stop her drinking it, but made water the most immediate option.
Also, you’re not interested in clubbing Celes? It could be fun, a bit of dancing? I’d be curious to hear about what deeper topics you guys talk about too.
Oh, and those hearts are much better than the dead crab shell one I remember you posted on facebook!
Aw that’s really sweet of you Glenn! :D I like that you don’t stop her from drinking that but you try to positively influence in your own ways. Me too, I don’t stop Ken from drinking coffee or diet coke, but I try to influence in my own ways by not drinking them and also suggesting healthier drinks whenever we eat out together.
Unfortunately not; clubbing is simply not my thing! And it’s not like I haven’t tried it before — I have multiple times. I just enjoy pure conversation and connecting with people, and clubbing is like the anti-environment for that thing with the boomz-uhz-uhz music and what not.
Also, the fact that clubs have a natural bias for men on the prowl and what not (it is pretty true in SG; not sure about Australia) further deters me from the place.
That said, it is perfect for letting loose and just dancing/being in the music. (I’ve done that once and it is enjoyable.) I have several friends who are awesome people who just love clubbing, so I know it’s not necessary a “bad crowd” activity.
Beautiful! Lovely to read.
Thanks aimee! :)
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