21DJC Day 10 – Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

This is Day 10 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.Empty book for journalingHi everyone – Welcome to Day 10 of 21DJC! :)Yesterday’s question was: “What Drives You?“. There were so many wonderful responses by all of you. Some of you are driven by growth. Some of you are driven by the desire to make a difference. Some of you are driven by money. Some of you are driven by need for security. Some of you are driven by death – from the death of those around you to knowing you’ll die one day. Some of you are driven by the love for life. Some of you are driven by connection. Some of you are driven by the ability to serve the world.Reading Personal Excellence, you should already know what I’m driven by. I’m driven by the desire to grow and help others grow. This is my life purpose; this is my reason for being. This is why I started Personal Excellence to begin with – to serve others and help them grow. It is my wish that we will be united as one world one day, when all of us achieve our highest consciousness.There was an interesting point made by reader J, who shared a Tony Robbins theory that people are driven by pain and pleasure. While it is a valid observation, a more meaningful way to classify our motivators IMO would be (a) love-based drivers or (b) fear-based drivers.Love-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from a higher place, above and beyond our physical self. Examples include desire to help others in need, to make the world a better place, to seek betterment, to make a difference, to empower others, and so on. These drivers can be characterized by the way they “pull” us forward in life. People motivated by love-based drivers act out of natural desire; they do not need to be triggered, reminded, or made to act. They do it on their own accord.Fear-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from ego and the physical identity; they are very much centered on who we are and preservation of self. Examples include desire to prove one’s worth, to acquire material wealth as status symbols to others, to achieve a certain “place” in the society to make his/her mark, to leave a legacy before one dies, fear of death, to put others down, to get ahead in life, to prevent pain in life, and so on. These drivers are usually characterized by how they “push” us to take action. People motivated by fear-based drivers act because they have to do it; it’s driven by urgency. They often suffer from procrastination, lack of discipline, laziness, etc in some areas of their life.So what determines our drivers of motivation? It’s linked to our consciousness level. People in fear-based consciousness are primarily motivated by fear-based factors, while people in love-based consciousness are primarily motivated by love-based factors. Since most of us are somewhere in between, we experience a mix of both drivers, with a predominant bias to one category.Ultimately, those who have reached the highest consciousness level i.e. Enlightenment will be motivated solely by love and light. That’s the level when fear and pain will no longer play any role in our life. Reader Bob puts it very well with this example: “… my thoughts are that in a higher conscious state we will not be affected by fear/pain although this might happen to us ie. the death of a loved one”. That’s because it’s at this consciousness level where we are understand events that normally trigger fear-based emotions at a transcendental level compared to those who vibrate at other levels.With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 10

For today’s question, I’d like you to think about this:

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Girls laughing

Is it your best friend? Your good friend(s)? Your mom? Your dad? Your sister? Your brother? Your grandmother? Your grandfather? Your girlfriend? Your boyfriend? Your wife? Your husband? Your partner? Your colleague(s)? Your manager? Your mentor? Your coach? (You can list as many people as you want.)Who do you enjoy spending time with? And why?Quick update: Hey everyone! For today’s question, the intent is to think about the people you enjoy spending time with, beyond yourself. It’s easy to say that you like spending time with yourself (I like spending time with myself too). But how about other people in your life? We live in a world with other people, beyond just ourselves, and as humans, we are social creatures who thrive in meaningful connections and relationships.So think about the people in your life, and if there’s anyone you enjoy spending time with. Think about why you like spending time with them. And appreciate them for who they are, because there’s a reason why your paths crossed in this life.The second (more subtle) intent of today’s question, is to help you to make empowering friendships. By being aware of the traits that resonate with you, you can consciously gravitate towards the people who share those traits. This helps you to make friendships that support you, friendships that you bring the best out of you.2nd Update: As an additional clarification, this is not about asking you to choose between spending time with yourself or with others. It’s not a mutually exclusive relationship – one can enjoy spending time alone just as one can enjoy spending time with others. Both can coexist perfectly and there’s no need to make comparisons between them. Do focus your answers on the people you enjoy spending time with in today’s answer, as explained above. Thank you!

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

((Images: Emtpy book for journaling, Girls laughing))

147 comments
  1. Spending time with someone, to me is a matter than quality over quantity.
    I am a lonely wolf, most part of the day I need to stay on my own.

    So I enjoy my relatives and friends, even if I always feeling I should find a way to connect more and better with them.

    Then I enjoy people who can tell me a good story: being them writers, artists, travelers or whatever.

    I also enjoy people with different views or lifestyle of mines, because they force me to put in discussion my beliefs.

    I also enjoy meeting new people and connect with living nature.

  2. Who do you enjoy spending time with? And why?

    I enjoy spending time with one of my cousins. She is really sweet, funny, silly and a nice person. That is why I like her. :heart:

  3. I enjoy spending time with my husband. We have been friends for over 35 years, we were great friends in school and for lots of years before we got married and we have grown together over the years. We have our own separate interests and do lots of things on our own as well as doing things together. Now that our kids are grown and essentially out of the house, we are getting to know each other all over again and doing things we once enjoyed and finding new things to do together. We spend a lot of time camping, hunting, fishing, riding our motorcycle, visiting with our friends and just hanging out. It is great getting reacquainted again after years of raising our kids.

  4. There are so many people I love being with and spending time with. :D My closest friends, family, my husband and like minded people.

    I enjoy spending time with a close friend of mine, who is always on the lookout for the newest opportunity, loves spreading positive vibes and she is someone who I can go to and ask for help or direction if I ever needed it. On the flip side of this, I believe I am the same for her so we spend a few hours a week together chatting, having lunch, being together and doing activities. She is very important and special in my life and I am grateful for having someone so positive in my life. She is a gem!

    My closest friend, who I love so much that it hurts because when we are together, we fuel and zap each other – in a positive way, that when we leave each others company we are vampire zapped and we are unable to get things done. Ultimately, we spend less time together unless we are excited about something and so have to share! :) We spend alot of time on the phone just talking and thinking of new ideas.

    I love spending time with my parents. I miss them alot, even though we can just call or Skype each other, but that’s not the point. I love being involved and love their company. It makes me feel worthy, loved, special and it brings out the real me. You know the one where you don’t have to worry about anything, whether you’re partners ok, do they need a drink etc. It may sound selfish but from time-to-time one must do their own things and be themselves without restrictions.
    * Being with my family makes me free of burdens and I really have a great time. I am very family orientated and I love them very much!

    I love being with my husband who is the rock in the family. He always knows what to do, how to love when you need it, annoy you ♥ and make fun of you. But overall, he is someone I can always account on. When we are together, we stick like glue and are very possessive of one another. We love being in each others company no matter what it might be, we always see the fun side of everything and make silly nosies, jokes and annoy each other. This is why I love him so much.. Though there is more to the story which I will leave to your imagination! ;)

    All the Best,
    Ezzy :love:

  5. I don’t want to write todays entry, because i’m not able to distract myself from thinking about somebody who is already gone. Besides that i have a wonderful family and very good friends to spend time with. :(

  6. Oooooohhhh. Ok, one individual, and one group.

    When we aren’t debating morality and the existence of God, definitely my friend Chris. He’s crazy, but I consider him to be one of my best friends. He always makes me laugh with his clever humor and odd quirks.

    If I am talking about the group I enjoy spending time with, is definitely the “media lab” guys from my junior year of college. I was one of the only girls and I LOVED IT. I can’t explain why, but when we were doing anything more than playing Modern Warfare 2 I was challenged and learned a lot. They got me out of my comfort zone yet never made me feel like I was an outcast. Maybe a bit of an outsider sometimes, since I am very obviously not male. Considering I pushed to try and include myself a lot in the beginning, I kind of can’t believe they put up with me so much. But then by my senior year I was invited to do a lot with them, which was awesome! We all kind of fell apart that last semester, but I would give practically anything to meet up with them all again.

  7. Aletta Oelofse 14 years ago

    I really enjoy spending time with my husband and two kiddies. It’s lovely when my husband and I get the time to really talk about important or interesting things or things close to our hearts. It’s also great when we’re all on the bad talking and laughing.

  8. I enjoy spending time with my family; besides giving love and often having fun, the permanence of family makes for an easier, deeper level of interaction. Plus, my family is right there; adding together work, chores, and exercise doesn’t leave me much time to go hang out with friends — maybe once a year or so. Fortunately, I like my family, and my friends are just as busy as I am, so it somehow works out.

    I enjoy a variety of pursuits, and, in theory, like to hang out with people who enjoy mastering what they do. Some people are good at business, some people have a great sense of kinesiology & body awareness, some have very good social skills, etc. I don’t like all pursuits, but I do enjoy being with people who’ve mastered the essence of something.

    I’m more philosophical than practical — even now, I’m talking in theory, vs. listing specific people — though I enjoy mixing it up.

    If I’m honest, I’m probably light in the “friends” department right now, which departs from the question, but I’m also light in the “time” department. I actually like friends(!) but have just made the conscious effort to prioritize other things (my family has needed me, for instance) for a several-year stretch that I’m now gradually able to ease out of.

    In terms of values, I dig people who challenge me and are interesting (challenge me as in being willing to go head-to-head with me on ideas, versus being burdensome to be around!); I like the warm & supporting stuff too, but it’s not as high on my totem pole as ideological engagement.

  9. I like spending time with caring and compassionate individuals.

    I love to spend time with creative, intuitive spirituals and mystics.

    I really want to spend more time with passionate, intelligent and innovative intellectuals, who can carry on a scintillating cerebral conversation.

  10. Shannon L. Buck 14 years ago

    Again, my daughters come to mind for this entry. I love hanging out with them, and wish that I could do so more often. Skye lives far away, and Zowie is in college, works a lot and is in a charity based sorority. We are all so busy with our own lives, that the time we spend together is truly blessed.

    They are so smart at their ages, and enlighten me about something new each time we visit. I enjoy catching up with them, meeting their friends and watching them form their adult lives.

  11. Mary Jane Hoover 14 years ago

    After spending time with myself most I enjoy my family and my significant other, then my friend Theresa. Who else does one need is self, family, and friends can’t make us happy

  12. Pat Fuller 14 years ago

    I enjoy spending time with my husband. We have been together for 42 years. We talk together all the time. He is my best friend. I also enjoy my other best friends Linda and Judy. We’ve been friends even longer. We’ve known each other since junior high school. They know me better than I know myself. Finally, I enjoy spending time with my grandchildren, Veda, Lily, and Nate. They are 5, 4, and 4mos. They keep me young.

  13. Hands down, my children. The most AWESOME people I know!! Surreal that I had any part of bringing them into this world.

  14. I enjoy spending time with my younger brother because he is the coolest most head-on-his-shoulders person I know. And also because when I spend time with him I feel he cares about me and we laugh a lot(he’s pretty funny).
    I’ve spent most of my life hanging out with him, and even though he has his own life now, I still appreciate the space he has for me. I am soo grateful for him being my buddy and brother.

    I also enjoy spending time with some of my collegues from college because some of them are amusing, some of them are kind, some of them are fun to be around and they make me feel like I am not alone, I am happy and cared for.
    I’m grateful to have met all of them, and how they’ve influenced the person I am today.

  15. I enjoy spending time with my husband, because we are soul-mates. We have the same sense of warped humour and laugh many times a day, we enjoy the same movies and music and love to travel. He is easy going and laid back, is very slow to anger and doesn’t sweat the small stuff. I also enjoy spending time with him because we are also different in many ways, and I learn so much from him and I hope vice-versa. Our personalities balance each other. Along with every day romance of some sort, there is always fun….what a fabulous combination!

    I feel warm, protected, loved and adored when with (and even when not with) my husband.

    I also enjoy being with my son who is now 22 years. Since he become an older teen, he hasn’t spent as much time with me and that is understandable, so it’s such a treat when I have him all to myself for even an hour. He and I still enjoy the same warped humour (see a family trait here? lol) and from him also, I learn much and hopefully he is learning from me as well.

    My two men….time with them is precious.

  16. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend because he is caring, loving, patient and supportive. He is my best friend and I could not have imagined ever finding anyone like him. He is deep and intelligent and creative and driven. And he believes in me and tells me I can achieve anything. He’s the person who knows and understands me best in the world. And the only person I can truly be myself around without being worried that he will reject me or leave or think I am strange. He has a calming effect on me and helps me to believe in myself and feel better whenever I feel negative or down. He is wonderful and I’m blessed and grateful to have him in my life.

  17. Shannon deLonge 14 years ago

    i enjoy spending time with a lot of people in my life I have a lot of great friends I am honored to have. I have a crazy Jerry Springer like family but they are my family and I love them all through thick and thin. But the person who I enjoy spend all my time with is my best – friend Krystel. Krystel and I have known each other since middle school. The minute we met we had that special sister connection. I can tell her everything and anything and when we are together it is never a dull moment. Our conversations are good even when the conversations are bad the conversations are still good because we have a unique understanding of each other. All so we have tons of likes and stuff in common. But really I am glad she is not my sister because I am happy with just having my big brother. I am a very lucky person. It is hard to make my mind up on who I enjoy spending my time with. When it comes right down to it I would pick Krystel over and over again. Just Krystel and I spend everyday together we have a special routine. I love her and everyone in my life I just love Krystel a little bit more.

  18. Yay, finally managed to get my avatar on! :dance:

  19. I’m also basically a loner, don’t talk much, uncomfortable at parties or functions, dislike empty talk, etc. etc.

    I would at first like to say that I like most is to spend time with myself, not thinking about anything but just be. I don’t like to be in the company of someone who talks a lot, non-stop, talking about all subjects under the sun, from A to Z. You know, sometimes, when I get on the bus or train and when I’m sitting near two people who talks non-stop from the moment they get on to the moment they alight? Then, there are some people who will yak on the hand phone from the start of the journey to the end? (Sorry, going off the subject!)

    Okay, since I have to put in other people other than moi — I would say, my family and the children in my school.

    In our busy day-to-day life, sometimes we get to see other people more than our own family! Morning time, children off to school when it’s still dark, then mummy and daddy also out on their separate way going to work. We spend 8-9 hours, perhaps more, at work. Then home, the children doing their homework, mummy busy preparing and cooking dinner and catching up with perhaps some housework like washing or ironing, quick dinner and before you know it its bed time. The cycle goes on and before you know it, it’s one year gone. That is why every moment that I get to spend with my family either at home or for some birthday celebration, etc. are the moments that I will treasure all my life. Family bonding is very special and important to me.

    The children in school where I work are good therapy for my soul. With their mischief and pranks though some are little angels, they have taught me so much about myself. They made me feel young, curious and happy without any reason. They taught me patience, humility and love.

    Well, thanks Celeste, I realize there are other people I enjoy spending time with beside myself! Didn’t know that myself till I write this. :mrgreen:

  20. With my husband, my kids, other relatives and friends. I enjoy some of my co-workers. We have a good group of friends and are pretty social. I have some in-laws that are a lot of fun and I enjoy my ladies golf group. I have church friends and old school friends. I’m very blessed when it comes to friends and socializing. I miss my Mom and Dad. I guess if I had to choose one person it would be my husband. We get each other and have fun traveling, playing golf and even going to the grocery store.

  21. Celes
    Celes 14 years ago

    Hey everyone! For today’s question, the intent is to think about the people you enjoy spending time with, beyond yourself. It’s easy to say that you like spending time with yourself (I like spending time with myself too) – But how about other people in your life? We live in a world with other people, beyond just ourselves, and as humans, we are social creatures who thrive in meaningful connections and relationships.

    So think about the people in your life, and if there’s anyone you enjoy spending time with. Think about why you like spending time with them. And appreciate them for who they are, because there’s a reason why your paths crossed in this life.

    • Hi Celes,
      Absolutely – good point. I couldn’t of said it better! :dance:
      I believe this is the approach I am taking to journal about today’s tasks. Thank you for the clarification. Kudos. xx :hug:

    • But you’re not suppose to critique their comments.

      Not everyone has to be extroverted.

      When a guy said that we are very self centered to love ourselves most, you critiqued his comment, and now you say this?

      • Celes
        Celes 14 years ago

        Prion, I’m clarifying the intent of the day’s question. Today’s question is about celebrating the people we enjoy being around, being aware of what we like about them, and appreciating them for who they are, which is why I’m inviting everyone to think about the people they enjoy spending time around, beyond themselves.

        Enjoying time with others has nothing to do with being extroverted or introverted – One can enjoy time with oneself, and enjoy time with others at the same time. Both are different things that can coexist. One may prefer alone time over social time, but it doesn’t mean one cannot enjoy spending time with others. For sure, there’s nothing wrong with being introverted or being extroverted – I think there’s always an extrovert and an introvert in us, just in varying degrees. Each comes out depending on who we are with and the situation we are in. Hope that clarifies everything!

  22. I love to spend time with myself, mainly because I’m a loner.

  23. I like spending time with my fiance – especially when we are just relaxing, watching tv, going for a walk, having lunch out, quality time together rather than cleaning the house together! And chatting in bed before going to sleep, a nice way to relax at the end of the day.

    I also like to spend time with my immediate family – my parents and my brother who is also a close friend. I see the latter less these days as he has his own family and commitments, but still see him occasionally. I aim to spend at least an hour with my parents each weekend as I love their company too as well as my fiance’s parents.

    I also enjoy meeting up with friends. I am really looking forward to going out to lunch with my fiance and another couple who I was fortunate enough to be their best man in May this year, at a well known local(ish) pub that I have wanted to go to for a long while – and finally I’ve made it happen! Just need to do it!

    As well as all of the above, I enjoy spending time with myself, and I do not do it often enough. I’d love to just sit in peace for 20 minutes or so and relax, think, meditate and reflect. But I never do. Alternatively I love walking alone too and just thinking about things – it allows for ideas to be generated, solutions to be thought up and allows me to calm down and be happy. I must do this more! :-)

  24. Who I enjoy spending time with.

    Not such a difficult question. Most of all I would have to say my wife Lydia. Even though we each need our own space at times, we always find the time for each other and get along really well. Eating out together, probably more than we should, or perhaps watch a movie. I enjoy spending time with her family too. They’re happy people and I get along really well with them also. Most of the conversation is usually about food though :)

    I enjoy spending time with my own relatives too. I don’t see them as often as I should, but it’s always nice to catch up and have a chat about what’s been happening and all the latest family gossip. Sometimes it may only be at Christmas or a family wedding that I’ll see them, but that’s not so bad.

    Then there are all my friends. Not too many either, but those I do keep in contact with I do enjoy spending time with. Mostly music friends, many of whom I’ve worked with in the past, either helping them record their music, or have shot music videos for. We can chat about old times, or talk about what we’re currently working on.

    At the end of the day, I would have to say that those I enjoy spending time with the most are those who are friendly and open. But friendly enough that we can be joking around about different things without anyone being offended. Or even people who are interested in what I’m doing, or those who share similar creative interests.

  25. I love spending time with friends and family. My friends are wonderful and I love hearing about all their new adventures. My family is very dear to me too and I especially love spending time with my cousins, aunts, and uncles who live far away and I don’t get to see too often. I feel that I am pretty open and can enjoy time spent with strangers too. Pretty much, anyone who is genuine, down to earth, and can make me laugh is someone I’d enjoy spending time with. :)

  26. First thing that comes to mind? Everyone! My family, my friends, my horses, people at work, basically anytime I’m around happy laughing people I’m enjoying myself. :dance:

  27. Right now I don’t have many close friends and I’m not really close to my family. I like spending time with myself mostly. There are times I feel kinda lonely but I don’t want to pretend to be like them to get on well with them. I just haven’t found my people yet.

  28. Now, this will make me feel like a really weird person – which i am. I do have friends, mind it – I just don’t meet them much.

    Here’s the thing : I hate the sound of human voice. I hate the way people express themselves, the way they write or say things that are hard to understand or have a double meaning or just aren’t true. I like spending some time with my friends, of course, but not too much. I liked spending time with my boyfriend (yes, I used to have a boyfriend), as long as we’d laugh and not speak too much. I like spending time with the girl sitting next to me in my class because she’s kind of weird too and classes are boring.

    I don’t like spending time with anyone else, when you think of it – or maybe the people I interview. I love asking people question, and being on screen.

    But once again, I hate voices. I used to lock myself in my bedroom and wear unplugged headphones all the time, just not to hear people in the house. I like music, and I like silence. Spending time with silent people is kind of hard, don’t you think ? So my best friend is a guitarist, he doesn’t speak a lot. And most of my other friends, I don’t see them very often, I like talking to them through the computer instead. So I don’t have many friends but the ones I have, I really love them for understanding me.

    Don’t judge me. –“

    • Shannon deLonge 14 years ago

      I don’t think you are weird. I wish I had read this post first. I have a fear of being alone and I have to be around people to be happy. But I find my self not happy it is like a up and down thing with me really. I have my moments where I want to be alone I feel the same way as you at times. I hate answering machines because no one sounds the same on them. I hate leaving messages on answering machines because I don;t like how I sound. I don’t like noisy during sex or people screaming. In a small way I can relate to you. I think it is just because I maybe over all a weird person who can’t make their mind up and is bothered by too much crap. I feel like I make no sense. I love quite time my daughter hates it but she has to give it to me. People are really , really annoying for the most part.

    • ..i don’t think you’re weird at all, though i can imagine many who would. reading your post, i was reminded of a favorite episode of northern lights, where they american indian guy, who the whole community, including her girlfriend, thought he could not speak, finally spoke and explained to his girlfriend that he does not like to talk, as words, when spoken without thought, are heavy, unnecessarily confusing and can be hurtful…i know this reply is directly related to our topic for today’s journaling, but i thought that that was a good reminder of the power of speech, of words, of language…

  29. I enjoy spending time with myself, because I can have a quiet time alone to read, contemplate, enjoy the movie, doing any activity I like most. That’s for personal joy.

    I also enjoy spending time with my wife and son, I’m grateful for the wonderful family.

    Spending time with self-developed people, are always increase my enthusiasm for I have the opportunity to learn and discuss things to develop my self.

    • Shannon deLonge 14 years ago

      I wish I was like you and Iwona. I have a fear of spending time by my self. When I am alone I start to hear my thoughts that is scary sometimes .I think it is neat you do this. Any tips or advice on how I can spend time alone with out fear?

      • I doubt there is a quick fix to your dilemma. The prerogative to feeling good by yourself is to love yourself. Personally it took me many years and very hard work to arrive at the state of my mind when I can honestly say (without feeling phoney): I love myself.

        When you do love yourself there is so many wonderful things you can do by yourself (and with yourself too): going for a walk is on of my favourite, reading a book, watching a movie, trying a new tea receipe or going on a hunt to buy a special expensive praline..

        If you do not love yourself you are facing a scary abyss.

        Shannon deLonge – love yourself, there is only one You in this world, wonderful and unique and ready to be celebrated by yourself every day.

        • Shannon deLonge 14 years ago

          Between a conversation I had with a close friend over the phone yesterday and reading this from you. I feel motivated enough to try something small and go from there. Thank you. Funny how strangers seem to have the best advice sometimes or that a stranger is quicker to tell you the truth.

  30. I like to spend time with a genuine person. Someone that feels good in her own skin with no need to pretend. Very honest and open. Fullfilled in life and happy. That is why I love(d) to spend time with my kids as they embody all of the above characteristics – the version of my kids before they turned into moody teenagers :-)

    To give an example of the well known personalities that I would love to hang out with is Meryl Streep. She is the type of a person that seems whole and complete and very comfortable to be with. She would be a joy to be with, I think.

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