21DJC Day 10 – Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

This is Day 10 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.

Empty book for journaling

Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 10 of 21DJC! :)

Yesterday’s question was: “What Drives You?“. There were so many wonderful responses by all of you. Some of you are driven by growth. Some of you are driven by the desire to make a difference. Some of you are driven by money. Some of you are driven by need for security. Some of you are driven by death – from the death of those around you to knowing you’ll die one day. Some of you are driven by the love for life. Some of you are driven by connection. Some of you are driven by the ability to serve the world.

Reading Personal Excellence, you should already know what I’m driven by. I’m driven by the desire to grow and help others grow. This is my life purpose; this is my reason for being. This is why I started Personal Excellence to begin with – to serve others and help them grow. It is my wish that we will be united as one world one day, when all of us achieve our highest consciousness.

There was an interesting point made by reader J, who shared a Tony Robbins theory that people are driven by pain and pleasure. While it is a valid observation, a more meaningful way to classify our motivators IMO would be (a) love-based drivers or (b) fear-based drivers.

Love-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from a higher place, above and beyond our physical self. Examples include desire to help others in need, to make the world a better place, to seek betterment, to make a difference, to empower others, and so on. These drivers can be characterized by the way they “pull” us forward in life. People motivated by love-based drivers act out of natural desire; they do not need to be triggered, reminded, or made to act. They do it on their own accord.

Fear-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from ego and the physical identity; they are very much centered on who we are and preservation of self. Examples include desire to prove one’s worth, to acquire material wealth as status symbols to others, to achieve a certain “place” in the society to make his/her mark, to leave a legacy before one dies, fear of death, to put others down, to get ahead in life, to prevent pain in life, and so on. These drivers are usually characterized by how they “push” us to take action. People motivated by fear-based drivers act because they have to do it; it’s driven by urgency. They often suffer from procrastination, lack of discipline, laziness, etc in some areas of their life.

So what determines our drivers of motivation? It’s linked to our consciousness level. People in fear-based consciousness are primarily motivated by fear-based factors, while people in love-based consciousness are primarily motivated by love-based factors. Since most of us are somewhere in between, we experience a mix of both drivers, with a predominant bias to one category.

Ultimately, those who have reached the highest consciousness level i.e. Enlightenment will be motivated solely by love and light. That’s the level when fear and pain will no longer play any role in our life. Reader Bob puts it very well with this example: “… my thoughts are that in a higher conscious state we will not be affected by fear/pain although this might happen to us ie. the death of a loved one”. That’s because it’s at this consciousness level where we are understand events that normally trigger fear-based emotions at a transcendental level compared to those who vibrate at other levels.

With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 10

For today’s question, I’d like you to think about this:

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Girls laughing

Is it your best friend? Your good friend(s)? Your mom? Your dad? Your sister? Your brother? Your grandmother? Your grandfather? Your girlfriend? Your boyfriend? Your wife? Your husband? Your partner? Your colleague(s)? Your manager? Your mentor? Your coach? (You can list as many people as you want.)

Who do you enjoy spending time with? And why?

Quick update: Hey everyone! For today’s question, the intent is to think about the people you enjoy spending time with, beyond yourself. It’s easy to say that you like spending time with yourself (I like spending time with myself too). But how about other people in your life? We live in a world with other people, beyond just ourselves, and as humans, we are social creatures who thrive in meaningful connections and relationships.

So think about the people in your life, and if there’s anyone you enjoy spending time with. Think about why you like spending time with them. And appreciate them for who they are, because there’s a reason why your paths crossed in this life.

The second (more subtle) intent of today’s question, is to help you to make empowering friendships. By being aware of the traits that resonate with you, you can consciously gravitate towards the people who share those traits. This helps you to make friendships that support you, friendships that you bring the best out of you.

2nd Update: As an additional clarification, this is not about asking you to choose between spending time with yourself or with others. It’s not a mutually exclusive relationship – one can enjoy spending time alone just as one can enjoy spending time with others. Both can coexist perfectly and there’s no need to make comparisons between them. Do focus your answers on the people you enjoy spending time with in today’s answer, as explained above. Thank you!

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

((Images: Emtpy book for journaling, Girls laughing))