How I Found My Soulmate in Life, Part 2: Appearance of Ken Soh (Someone I Knew Before)

This is part two of my love series where I share my love journey, how I met my soulmate (Ken Soh), and how to attract authentic love into your life. If you haven’t, read Part 1: My Journey in Love first.

Reflection in the water

An impending connection… a love that has always been in the books (Photo from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot

Early 2013: Jadedness and Emptiness

By early this year (2013), I was quite jaded with this whole process of dating, meeting someone, and then feeling disappointed when things didn’t turn out to be the way I wanted.

A Toxic Connection

One thing was that I was very badly burned by this one guy (let’s call him N) I met during my dating-immersion phase. While I initially thought he was a good match, he turned out to be toxic.

In the few months we knew each other, I was incredibly unhappy. Our connection started with me being misguided by his, at many times IMO, non-platonic behavior. He later apologized and clarified that he wasn’t looking to be romantically involved, something which I found incredulous due to his contradicting behavior but accepted nonetheless.

Subsequently we had many conflicts even as friends, with him often berating and putting me down, leaving me feeling very lousy about myself. At one point I thought maybe he was my nemesis because he exemplified everything I did not want to stand for – darkness, unhappiness, toxicity, and negativity.

Because N would repeatedly chastise me, I doubted myself a lot in the few months I knew him. The fact that a subconscious part of me felt unworthy as a woman (because I had never had much luck with love) didn’t help. Many times I mentally played out our conflicts to figure out how I could be a better friend to him, only for him to find new things to put me down me for. Even though I was bending over backwards to make him happy, N was still unhappy with me.

Finally, I had enough. I cut him away early this year because I couldn’t take his volatile and ungrateful behavior anymore. I was surprised I even let this connection drag on so long because I would have never tolerated such behavior if it was from any other person. While this toxic connection was out of my life, I was back to being alone, by myself, after months of hope, unhappiness, and struggle.

Disappointment When Dates/Events Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Ideally Wanted

I also found myself disappointed each time I went on a date or socializing event but didn’t meet any potential match. I felt I had to constantly be my best and look my best, lest I missed out on a potential connection. I also felt that there had to be something wrong with me if I was meeting so many great people and going on dates but was not getting into a relationship (for whatever reason).

The fact that people — readers, friends, acquaintances, and even my sponsored date coach then — were anticipating me to get into a relationship didn’t help at all. Because I was so open about my Lunch Actually experience and wanting to date, people became very curious to see who I would attract. Many also subconsciously imposed their desire for a romantic relationship onto me. These factors silently pressurized me into finding someone noteworthy ASAP, because I didn’t want to feel like a failure for not being able to get into a relationship despite wanting to. (Not just any relationship of course but a conscious relationship with someone I like.)

Inside, I felt empty. Not with myself, but with the situation.

Reflection

While some might call this “dating wear out” (where you get worn out after intensive dating), it wasn’t like that for me at all. My emptiness was because I felt misaligned with this notion of “getting out there” to find someone.

Girl reflecting

The thing was I had already realized years ago that I’m complete as a single. Many people’s obsession with dating today centers around being with someone to complete oneself. This wasn’t (and still isn’t) the case for me.

I wasn’t seeking someone to complete my life. As I had mentioned in part oneI was seeking someone because I was living a fantastic life as an individual and I felt ready to share my life with someone else, someone whom I felt would be a good match.

However, by deliberately seeking out someone, I was putting my life and subsequently my real self on hold. Because I was so busy going on dates, being a better date to others and wondering where I could meet like-minded people to increase chances of meeting my special someone, I had unwittingly put my personal self on hold.

I was losing myself to find someone, someone whom I didn’t even know and didn’t even know existed to begin with.

Revelation: Self Over “Finding” Love

This was when I realized, Regardless of how much I want to share my life and be with someone conscious, I should never alter my personal agenda in blind pursuit of love, because that would be repressing my real self to find something that isn’t supposed to define my life to begin with.

Even if I was to meet anyone using this self-altering approach, he would not be a good match anyway because I would have intentionally altered my path just to meet / be with him. This means that I would likely have to continue altering my path, change myself or worse still — repress myself just to make a relationship happen and/or keep it alive. This would defeat the point of a relationship — to be a more conscious and better person. Not to repress my true self.

If I want to be with someone who matches me, then I need to first live my life, do my thing, and just be me, I thought. If I meet compatible guys along the way, then that’s great and I’ll be happy to date and explore a relationship together and all. However if I don’t, then… so be it. I’ll still be perfectly happy because I’m already complete as a single.

This was when I literally decided I was done looking for love. I thought, From now on, I’m going to just live my life and do my thing, partner or no partner. Even if I am to remain single forever, that will be fine too. Maybe romantic love isn’t in my path for this life, and I will meet someone special in my next life.

Whatever happens, I will always have my dreams, my life, and my purpose. These will never change and these are the things I’m going to do for the rest of my life, whether I’m in a relationship or not. These are the things that will always fulfill me in life.

Revelation; Renewal and Empowerment

With that, I went back to focusing on my personal path and living my life the way I would have if I wasn’t concerning myself with love/relationships.

Back to Living My Life the Way I Would Have

I asked myself what I would want to do if I wasn’t doing this dating thing, and I realized I wanted to get back to traveling. I love traveling because I get to grow and meet new people.

I hadn’t been to South Africa before, so I booked a one-way ticket there. (I had to later purchase a return ticket because aviation guidelines no longer allow one-way trips to places not your home country.) Since I was back to pursuing my path, I was excited at what was in store next. Life was suddenly beautiful and wonderful again.

Because of my revelation, I was no longer thinking about love nor finding love anymore. I was happy just as myself, by myself, living my life to the fullest. But if you were to ask me, being away in South Africa – 10,000 km from Singapore no less — was honestly the last place on earth I thought I would find love.

Boy was I wrong. Because as the saying goes, “It’s when you stop looking for love that love comes looking for you.”

Off to Africa

So in March this year, I flew to South Africa, staying with PE readers Mavis and Lizette.

I enjoyed myself immensely. I had PE meetups while in Joburg and Cape Town, immersed myself in the local culture, attended a local bridal shower and Zimbabwean wedding, hung out with Afrikaans, and visited many local sites, thanks to my gracious hosts.

Stroking a lion cub in Johannesburg, South Africa

Me at The Lion Park in Johannesburg, South Africa

At Mavis' Wedding in Johannesburg

At PE reader Mavis’ wedding, with the little bridesmaids and groomsmen

Johannesburg PE Readers Meetup, Group Shot

At the Johannesburg PE Readers Meetup (Apr 11, 2013)

Cape Town PE Readers Meetup, Group Shot

At the Cape Town PE Readers Meetup (Apr 21, 2013)

Despite my return ticket on April 24, I did not feel in a hurry to get home. I wanted to just enjoy the moment and see where the tides would take me. If I felt like traveling on beyond April 24 I would; if not, I would return to Singapore. I wasn’t about to let anything stop me from doing what I needed to do.

The Emergence of Someone from My Past

So two weeks passed.

One night, I was watching TV with one of Mavis’ nieces (one of the rare times I watch TV in my life). As she surfed the TV channels, I took a quick glance at my phone to check my messages.

This was when I saw an incoming message from an unknown number:

Very first message from Ken on Whatsapp

*NUS = National University of Singapore, the university I studied in. NUS Students’ Union (NUSSU) is a student leader committee I joined briefly while in NUS.

Ken Soh? I raised my brow and scanned through my memory. The cute chairman from NUSSU BizCom? What a surprise!

Ken Soh: An Acquaintance from University

So here’s a recap: Ken was an acquaintance I met almost a decade ago in this core-curricular activity I randomly joined in university (NUSSU BizCom). We had met no more than two times in our entire lives at that point (three, if you include a random encounter where he didn’t even see me at all).

First Encounter: At a Committee Meeting

The first time we met, I had just joined BizCom to accompany my friend and to boost my student profile. I met Ken at the new-members induction meeting, where he was the tall, dark, and handsome BizCom chairman inducting the new members.

We exchanged no more than five lines in total in that entire meeting, in front of a group no less. I passed him my name card (I was running a graphic design business then) to spread the word about my business.

The funny thing was that I left NUSSU BizCom soon after. I got busy teaching tuition, studying, running my graphic design business, being in another CCA, etc. and had to triage. 

I met Ken a short while (days?) later at a campus bus stop. He was with a girl whom I presumed to be his girlfriend. I didn’t say hi; I assume he wouldn’t remember me since our first meeting was so brief. He never saw me as he boarded the bus; we never saw each other again.

Second Encounter: Four-and-a-Half Years Later, on the Streets

… until four-and-a-half years later, when we were walking on the streets.

At that time I had just quit my day job and was starting PE. Ken saw me walking towards a traffic juncture and stopped me, “Hi, Celestine, right? I’m Ken Soh — we met in NUS Students’ Union. BizCom. Do you remember me?” 

It took me a few seconds to recall because we had met so briefly so long ago. Oh yeah, that cute chairman guy! It’s been a few years but wow he still looks good! I thought.

I was actually quite shocked that he remembered me because (a) we had only met once before and spoke so briefly, (b) I didn’t even think he would remember my face or name from that one encounter, much less four-and-a-half years later, and (c) he was the charming chairman with (pretty) girls flocking after him. (I later learned that he was scouted to join NUSSU Manhunt while he was in campus — Manhunt is a male model and beauty pageant — and emerged as the first runner-up, which further proves my point.)

Like in our first encounter, this was brief. We exchanged no more than seven lines in all. Since I just started PE, I gave him my name card — this time of PE — which had my blog URL. I didn’t think that he would check my blog or stay in touch because… well, that’s how people are. They take your name card, say “Let’s keep in touch”, but never do.

And expectedly, we didn’t (stay in touch). He never messaged me and I never contacted him since I didn’t have his number. Not that there was any reason to do so, since we were two different individuals with two completely different lives who happened to bump into each other at two different points in our lives.

I thought that would be the last I would see of him. Until another four-and-a-half years later, when I was touring in South Africa.

Initial Skepticism

So when I saw this out-of-the-blue message from this guy whom I had only met like twice in my entire life and who had never tried to reach out before, my first thoughts were skeptical at best. I immediately thought,

How did he get my number?

and

Why is he suddenly messaging me?

I guessed he had saved my number from one of the name cards I had given him before, just that he had never reached out.

I didn’t understand why this guy was contacting me out of the blue. I thought maybe he was in some MLM and was trying to sell stuff to me (lol). Maybe he was starting a blog/business and needed my help. Maybe he was thinking of doing coaching and wanted my perspective. Maybe he was messaging a million girls and he was messaging me as one of those girls.

But honestly speaking though, there was nothing wrong with his message — it was genuinely nice and warm. Not only did he bother to check my Facebook page to see what I was doing BEFORE messaging me, he took note of the fact that I was in Joburg and noticed what I just had for dinner. I mean seriously, who even does stuff like this nowadays?? Many people are not capable of such sensitivity and kindness.

(He later told me that he even googled how to say “hello” in Afrikaan before messaging me, hence the “sawubona”!)

Pleasantly surprised that he still remembered me and curious as to why he was messaging me, I responded:

My initial message to Ken

(Singapore is six hours ahead of South Africa. Since it was 11pm where I was, it was 5am in Singapore.)

He responded right after:

Ken's response to me on Whatsapp

I smiled. How rare that a guy would be so open in sharing, I thought. It seemed he was sincere in conversing. Plus, he spoke about my work (referencing my site and Facebook page) and I thought that was sweet. He seemed friendly, sensitive, and without airs, and I liked how the conversation was going.

So I responded:

My response to Ken on Whatsapp

And hence began an open, free-flowing conversation between the both of us.

A Brewing Connection

By the time I was ready to return to SG on April 24, we had exchanged 12,770 words over Whatsapp. That’s 919 speech bubbles in 16 days, making it an average of 57 bubbles per day. While we initially messaged each other a few times a day, it gradually changed to once every few hours, to every hour, and finally to every few minutes.

Continuous Messaging… Wanting to Hear From Him

I can’t explain why we were messaging so much. For me, I didn’t intend to communicate with anyone back home while I was in Africa. I just wanted to be in the moment and enjoy my trip, which I did. I actually put many friends’ messages on hold while I was in Africa, with the intention to respond once I got back.

However, Ken had this sensitivity and sincerity that made me keen to hear from him and share more about me.

He would read every single one of my messages carefully (even when I was typing large volumes of text), absorb and fully understand all I have said, then respond to them in very sharp detail, something which not everyone can do (they either gloss over what you write and give a brief reply or they don’t even register everything you have typed because they are simply not that observant).

He always included questions in his responses, which gave me a reason to continue messaging and share about myself. (Some people only talk but don’t ask anything, so the conversation ends after a short while.) 

He would make an effort to know about me, such as asking me what I was doing for the day, checking my Facebook page, checking out my articles, asking me about my work, and asking further questions about whatever topic we were talking about.

He was very kind and caring. He would tell me not to reply whenever I had limited phone credits left. He would tell me to clothe myself well because it was cold in Joburg/Cape Town then. He would also intentionally watch the clock and hold off messaging me until 10+am in South Africa every day because he didn’t want to wake me up with his messages. (That’s 4+pm in Singapore.) Who even does that these days??

His caringness also extended towards others. For example, he took time to celebrate his parents’ wedding anniversary with them and even treated them to a sumptuous dinner. (I don’t do that; actually I don’t even know what my parents’ wedding anniversary date is. I suck.) One time he cancelled his appointment because his ex-girlfriend called crying (some personal problem) and he went to meet her to calm her down. Another time he took time off work to send a friend to the hospital (because he stayed near her) and stayed with her until her friends arrived. These are just some of the many caring things about him I had observed.

He was also very reliable. I could always expect his responses within a few hours, if not minutes (usually the latter as we began messaging more frequently). He was a stark contrast from the flippant guys I had met in the past who leave you wondering when/if they were going to text you. If he ever took longer than usual to reply, he would explain why that was the case (e.g., long meeting, was taking a nap, was with a friend), even though I never asked nor expected him to do so. Ken was a nice change, a very nice change from what I had come to expect from past dates.

A Strong Emotional Bond… Hampered by My Fears

It was obvious that an emotional bond was brewing (a strong one at that).

Here stands a sensitive, kind, reliable, patient, sweet, and empathetic guy, I thought. If I were to give a score, Ken was easily scoring tops (A+++) in just emotional quotient alone. His kindness and sensitivity were at a level which I had never seen in any other guy before.

Whether this brewing bond was platonic or romantic — I didn’t know. For all I know, he can well be a player, I thought. I also thought that he could just be a nice guy who wasn’t interested but was simply being, well, nice.

There were fears which I had to break through and a five-round intensive interrogation which Ken had to pass before we could get together.

Proceed to Part 3: Addressing My Inner Demons, where I share the inner resistances I had to break through before I would get together with Ken.

This is part two of my love series where I share my love journey, how I met my soulmate (Ken Soh), and how to attract authentic love into your life.

Images: Reflection shot, Girl with hair covering face, Bright light



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« How I Found My Soulmate in Life, Part 1: My Journey in Love
 
How I Found My Soulmate in Life, Part 3: Addressing My Inner Demons »

  • http://hackmyheart.com/ Calae

    Aww Celes, this is so cute! I think it’s so interesting reading/hearing about how people meet their significant others. I totally know how you feel with struggling to just “live your life” and not trying to intentionally find a romantic partner. I think in the past I’ve felt incomplete despite outwardly saying I don’t feel the need to be with someone. But in my experience, you always meet special people when you’re really not trying. =p

    I just got into a relationship myself (on the 8th!), so I think it’s kinda awesome that it’s coinciding with this series. =) Not sure how things will go, but I know regardless that my boyfriend will always be at least a great friend to me, and for that I’m super thankful.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Calae, congratulations on your relationship!! :D I’m so excited for you, and so nice to coincide with the posting of this series as you mentioned! You are such a lovely girl and you deserve nothing but the best, so I hope you find great happiness in this new journey with this lucky guy.

  • http://www.starsparklex.blogspot.co.uk/ Moonsparkle

    That’s good advice about being complete in yourself and seeking someone to share your life with and enhance it, rather than to complete you or give your life meaning. I think feeling complete in myself is something I need to work on.

    Ken sounds like a good conversationalist/correspondent. :) In my experience so many people do the things you mentioned, they either 1. miss out some, the majority or (even all!) of your questions, 2. don’t seem to have read what you’ve written properly or 3. don’t ask you a single question, making it hard to keep a conversation going. In the past it’s made me feel like I’ve wasted my time by bothering to write/talk to them but now I try to be more easygoing about it, lol.

    Looking forward to Part 3! :)

  • Sim Kang Wei

    I shared this on my own wall and I’m on a mission to share your blog with as many people as I can. Thanks for writing and inspiring :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Aw thank you Kang Wei! I really appreciate your sharing. :) It’s my honor to have you (and everyone else here) reading the blog! :)

  • Love from INFJ

    Its simply amazing how openly you are sharing every detail with us, your readers. I am very happy that you guys have met each other, and above that, have recognized and appreciated each others care, love and special traits.

    I’ve been doing all (atleast majority of) the things which you mentioned about Ken (asking questions, relevant ones, solving out her problems, taking care of her, even ran to her house at 2 AM to provide her bandage because she did not had one, and many more) but still she do not recognize nor appreciate nor love back or care back… its been more than 2 years.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Aw you sound like such a sweet guy, “Love from INFJ”.

      I can’t provide any specific advice about your situation because it’s your life and your decision to make, but what I can say based on your comment is to ask yourself if this is someone you want to continue lingering around or if you prefer to share your love/appreciation to someone who truly appreciate you for everything you do. It may also that it’s simply not a match and there’s someone better out there whom you have not met yet (or possibly already know, like the case between me and Ken).

    • JadePenguin

      That’s a shame :/ You gotta remember that different women want different things. Also, emotional caring is just one personality aspect. Maybe she’s expecting something else in another aspect of you? Anyways I hope you’re not holding on to that one woman only for those 2 years. The person you are (right now) is obviously not what she’s after but there might be others out there who’d appreciate you more. Last but not least, don’t forget to appreciate yourself *hug*

  • Laurel Labuskes

    Hi Celes, I’m happy to read your story! It’s inspiring to hear about what sounds like an honestly healthy relationship. Curiously, your experience of trying too hard (immersion dating) vs living the moment (South Africa) mirrors my own experience earlier this year, though in regard to work rather than love. I think your attitude towards relationships is very healthy. Too many people view relationships as something to have just for the sake of having them.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you Laurel! :) We do have a very conscious and healthy relationship and it blows my mind (even today) that such a relationship is possible in this world. Being with Ken totally changed my paradigm on what it means to be in a conscious, synergistic relationship and I hope to share more about this in the later parts of the series.

  • Melita Rahmalia

    Hi Celes, thank you so much for sharing this! You’re so honest and open it’s refreshing :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you so much Melita for reading and sharing your kind words!! :) It’s my pleasure, really, and I look forward to sharing more!

  • Cherene Leong

    Awww, so cute and sweet. Can’t wait for the next part!

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thanks Cherene Leong!! :) Next part will be coming up sometime next week, so stay tuned! In the meantime feel free to share this series with others too if you like! :)

  • Daniela

    I think this is one of your best articles about yourself and your experiences. I cannot wait for part three, Ken sounds wonderful and you deserve happiness. I guess everything happens for a reason and you find love where and when you at least expect it are true! Someday I want to become a motivational speaker and life coach, I want to thank you for writing these beautiful articles and being so specific about your life events, you are truly an inspiration! Celestine, hope to meet you one day in London!

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Aw thank you Daniela! :) I’m in the middle of writing part 3 now and I hope all of you will find it helpful as well. It’ll be more about my inner transformations necessary to let my connection with Ken rise to its fullest potential, and something which will be relevant to many of us who desire to enter conscious relationships.

      Thank you for your kind words; it’s my honor to have all of you reading PE! :)

  • Sienna, London

    Celestine a few years ago I found your article on Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness which changed my life. Happy to hear you are doing so well after reading this honest and human and generous article. I echo the poster below in saying that I hope to meet you in London someday. With love, S

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Aw thank you S! :) Thank you for continuing to read PE after finding the Map of Consciousness article, and I hope to continue walking through life with all of you here by my side! :)

  • Hanna

    Hi Celes,

    My thoughts echo everyone else’s here. Thank you for sharing the details of your first encounters with Ken. It’s inspiring and can act as a guide for those who want to enter a relationship consciously.

    Thank you!

    Hanna

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you Hanna! It’s truly my pleasure to share my life with all of you. :) I’m personally just glad that you find it inspiring and I do hope it serves as a guide to those who want to enter into conscious relationships. I want to let everyone know that it is possible to enter into our dream relationship and the way to do so actually starts with correcting our inner world (our thoughts) first and foremost to attract the best person for us.

  • Kim Ying

    Thanks for sharing. Always enjoying reading your blog and was looking forward to Part 2 after reading Part 1. :) It was interesting and amusing that you counted the number of words in your What’s app exchanges and bubbles. Didn’t even know there is such a facility. I wil now go and google to find out how to do it. ;)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hehe actually there isn’t a function! I also didn’t deliberately count the words/bubbles; merely did it for the post to give you guys an idea of the volume of exchanges. :) The point is that we were communicating a huge chunk on Whatsapp and it was a clue as to the strength of the connection we would be building soon after.

  • JadePenguin

    He responds to your messages promptly and in-depth, asks further questions and follows what you write on Facebook? OMGGGGGG that’s so rare!! :D I used to get quite annoyed at people who wouldn’t put much effort into online conversation. Now I simply acknowledge that it’s maybe not their preferred means of communication. If I meet them in person a lot, it’s actually no problem. But I do like it when people are good communicators in text as well as speech :)

    (Or would you say people communicate just as good/bad both online and in person? I haven’t really tried to observe this!)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      What a great question, Jade!! From my observation, online/virtual communication and in-person communication seems to take different skills. I’ve met people who are good in one but utterly bad in the other.

      When I was just a teen, I used to be quite annoyed at people who aren’t good in online communication — I would think they are being sincere, rude, or even (yes) stupid. But after a while, I realize that not everyone is well-verse in virtual communication and it’s not fair for me to expect them to be so. I also realized that there can be people who aren’t well-verse in virtual comm but they are sweethearts in real life. So I just focus on making the best out of our connection based on whatever communication we can do.

      The people who are good in both — those are the real gems for sure. I do find that people who are extremely sharp and sensitive to people’s emotions wound up being excellent communicators, regardless of mediums. So that’s one thing to watch out for — if you ever meet someone who is good in both forms of communication, likelihood is that they are actually very sharp and people-aware.

  • Qin Tang

    Really happy for you to find your true love and happiness. Thanks for sharing too.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you so much Qin Tang!! :) You are very welcome — it’s my pleasure to share with all of you!

  • Elizabeth

    Wow Celes, I wish I could make it to the meetup while you were in South Africa.I was wondering about this Ken guy who is so lucky to get engaged after such a short time!Now I see things actually started while you were here in my home country!I started reading your articles last year and felt this instant connection.You share the same things that I am thinking about or sometimes are struggling with.Now you are talking about Ken (I am sitting here in pain sore throat with no pain killers with me right now.I have to see the doctor later today)I just realised again this weekend how much I love my husband. We have been through quite a lot. You see in Ken the same things I saw in him more than 20 yrs ago! We had many challenges to overcome and is still overcoming.I still get very angry about some things and is trying to deal with it.I realised yesterday how much I still love him and he was amazed when he realised how much it hurt me when someone very close to him has caused him harm a week ago..I had tears in my eyes and told him I wish I could undo the harm this person has caused him.This year we will be celebrating our 19th anniversary.Early this morning I started calling him Prince Charming.Thanks for sharing and writing these great articles. Liza

  • Kiki Maria Valera

    Wow, this is so sweet, Celestine. You know, I agree with you when you mentioned that quote, “Love finds you when you stop looking.” So true. I love how transparent and honest you are about your doubts, fears, and experiences. I could understand why you were hesitant at first with Ken. After all your experiences with men in the past, it’s no wonder you felt weary. Whenever something good comes along, we’re always the first ones to reject it.

    Since breaking up with my boyfriend, I’ve been trying to occupy my mind with school, work, family(the things that matter), Yet, no matter how strong and independent I want to appear(or feel), I still can’t help but feel I need to find a boyfriend. I don’t believe in finding in your identity in someone, or having people complete you. I strongly believe in order for you to find the right person(or vice a versa) you have to be the right person, and be comfortable in yourself.

    This whole game of love can be confusing, you know? Because if you’re not concerning yourself with looking for love, does love really come looking for you? It’s like depending on that whole, “If fate brought us together!” But if you are looking for love, you can drive yourself crazy because of all the disappointments, and potential dangerous people…I don’t know, maybe we make it complicated. I like to think that’s the case most times, ha ha.

    I can’t wait to read the third part. I’ve been busy with school so it’s good to read something positive and uplifting!

  • Aseem

    Awesome! Come to Calcutta , India. And I would love to show both of you around. :) :)
    Aseem

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      We would love to, one day! It would be fun to travel around the world as a couple (we have already visited Scotland last month for three weeks and it was a blast). Thanks so much for your invite Aseem!! :)

  • Mikey

    Wasn’t apparent to me as a PE reader/fan that you were going through a tough time at the time. Helps me realize that one can still go through certain stages of self-doubt despite a strong moral compass and self-reflecting strategies. And then Ken comes into your life. How great is the timing? :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hi Mikey!! :) There are definitely always tough moments to go through in life (especially if we are always pushing to reach that next height, that next higher experience, vs. just making do with what we have), and these tough moments have helped to enrich my life experience. They have helped me to grow and become wiser, and they also help me to appreciate my positive moments even more.

      I have to stress that the interesting part about Ken’s entry isn’t that I went through a tough time (because I had already processed those issues and hence was no longer feeling bad/negative) but that his entry came *after* I addressed my personal issues and decided that I wasn’t going to look for love anymore (and the whole part about focusing on self vs. finding love for the sake of it). I believe his re-entry into my life isn’t accidental but partly a result of the alignment in my being. I’ll see if I get to touch on this later in the series. :)

      • Mikey

        I agree that your processing of those tough times and finding your alignment positioned you even better when Ken reappear into your life. Congrats! :)

        • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

          Hey Mikey, thanks!! :D

          I just want to point out that I don’t see my processing or finding my alignment as positioning me better when Ken reappeared in my life, but RATHER, it was *because* I had processed & realigned myself that *Ken appeared when he did*.

          Meaning, if I had never worked out those issues mentally, Ken would *NOT* have reappeared at all. He would have probably only reappeared until I finally worked out those issues one day, be it one, two, three, etc. years later. (I know this sounds entirely bizarre, but there are very strong reasons why I think this way. Perhaps I will get to touch on this later in the series if I get the chance.)

          • Mikey

            That is indeed interesting perspective. Look forward to more elaboration later in the series then! :)

  • Annabel Ararao

    your thoughts are very remarkable. i really love reading your blog for you know how to connect with your reader. thank you for sharing this, it really helped me. can’t wait for more inspiring stories. Every time i read your blog, i cant help but smile because you write honestly that made me realize things which i should have known before. keep inspiring and helping people.

  • Madalina Sraier

    I completely agree with what you said about finding a life partner. It is wrong to see your partner as your “missing piece,” the piece that completes you, and makes you a whole person. One should feel complete by themselves, their own personality, character, body, career, and so on being sufficient. Otherwise relationships can get pretty complicated, and you can get clingy and desperate. Seeking love should come out of the desire to share your life with someone, to experience life in two, not to feel complete.