This is Day 5 of the 14-Day Gratitude Challenge held in Aug 2013, where we practice gratitude for 14 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Hey everyone, welcome to Day 5 of our 14-day gratitude challenge! :D Let’s get started, shall we?
Day 5: Adversary
Adversary, n. — a person, group, or force that opposes or attacks; opponent; enemy; foe.
Adversaries. Do you have one?
An adversary is anyone who is an opposing force to you in life.
In the area of friendship, perhaps it’s that “friend” who seems to have the nastiest things to say to you.
In your family, perhaps it’s a parent, sibling, or relative who naysays everything you want to do.
In romantic relationships, it may be that ex whom you had such a terrible, on-again, off-again relationship for the longest time and was only able to get out of after much struggle. It might be your husband/wife/partner who did you wrong and caused your failed marriage/relationship.
In the area of work, it may be a colleague or your manager who is making things hard for you in your job.
In business, it might be your arch-competitor who seems to be ahead of you in every way and making it difficult for you to succeed.
And in terms of transient encounters, perhaps it’s the rude woman whom you met at the metro last week, who pushed you and didn’t even say sorry. It may even be the waiter who was unbelievably rude even though you were expecting good service.
Adversaries exist in all areas of our lives, be it in relationships, work, business, or just day-to-day living. I can think of many people who were opposing to me in different phases in life.
When I was in primary school, I had this good friend who turned out to have badmouthed me in the later years of our friendship–a common friend told me and I distanced myself from her thereafter. In secondary school and junior colleges, I had schoolmates who were highly competitive with me in the area of academics. In my corporate career, I had a colleague who was very competitive and would take my ideas for her campaigns every here and there. In relationships, I had this fairly recent toxic pseudo-friendship which burned me for a while before I finally cut the person off. Then in my business, there are more blogs today than ever in the online landscape which makes it harder to gain the web surfer’s attention and expand your web presence.
While most of us celebrate our positive relationships, adversaries serve a role in our life too, even though this role may not be apparent on first sight. Just as natural dualities like light and dark, hot and cold, fire and water, life and death, female and male, and north and south (poles) exist as complementary rather than opposing forces, adversaries exist in our life as a complementary force to personal growth and success too. (Think Charles Xavier and Magneto in X-men, or Bruce Willis’ and Samuel L. Jackson’s characters in the movie Unbreakable.)
Whoever your adversaries are, they is/are there for a purpose–be it to help us to learn, grow, and/or succeed in life. The ability to appreciate your adversaries is crucial to a life of flow, oneness, and success.
Today, your task is to appreciate your adversary!
Your Task: Identify 3 Things to Appreciate about Your Adversary
- Think of at least one person who used to be/is an opposing force in your life today. This person can be a childhood-friend-turned-enemy, a friend/social contact you secretly dislike, a family member, an ex-lover, a workplace colleague, business competitor, an acquaintance you dislike, etc. If you can think of more, even better!
- Identify 3 things to appreciate about this person. For example, if I think about a business acquaintance whom I’m not a fan of due to his unauthenticity, I realized 3 things to appreciate are: (a) He is highly successful in his domain, which is by no means due to luck, (b) He is highly opportunistic, and (c) He is diligent and family-centered, which are good values. These three things are all things I can learn from.
- Share your reflections in the comments section!
Daily Journaling: Write 3 Things You Are Grateful for Today
On top of today’s task, identify 3 things you are grateful for today. These 3 things can be events that occurred today, mishaps which could have happened but didn’t happen, or simply things which have always been in your life but which you suddenly came to feel grateful for today.
3 things I’m grateful for today:
- Was miraculously able to flag down a cab this evening which helped me and Ken to make it in time for our second engagement shoot! If we didn’t get the cab, our photographers would probably have left having waited for us in vain, especially since this was our first meetup.
- Encountered a really rude Italian waiter at this restaurant, Bar Napoli, which made me appreciate the great and polite servers I’ve encounter before!
- The huge sink and mirror in the kitchen (not sure why there is a mirror there) of the rented apartment I’m staying in Edinburgh right now. Makes for easy face washing! (The smallness of the bathroom makes it near-impossible to wash up there.)
Plus one more!
- The awesomeness of my Edinburgh engagement photographers. Joanna is an absolute sweetheart and such a people person–she really does her best to understand your needs and executes them wherever possible. Look forward to writing about her in more detail when the engagement shots are out!
Share Your Results!
Who is the “adversary” you have identified?
What are 3 things to appreciate about him/her?
What are 3 things you are grateful for today?
Please share in the comments section! :)
Once you’re done, proceed to Gratitude Challenge Day 6: Give Thanks for Your Life.
(Images: Gratitude, Bar magnet)
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Hi,
This has been a thought provoking challenge – I feel blessed that I could not immediately think of any adversaries in my life, current or past. When I think back though – I do remember there being bad feelings between myself and close family members during my teenage years, although since then we do have good relationships. Three things that I can now appreciate at the time of our disagreements are:
They really did love me, whatever I thought at the time.
They worked so hard so that I could have the things that I needed in life, and also extra luxuries as well.
That I was probably not an easy person to live with at the time – and they did their best to put up with me, despite my faults.
I love them dearly and always have xxx
Three things I am grateful for on day 5 of the challenge are:
A lovely lunch made by my father-in-law. All I wanted was a quick sandwich, but he made a delicious hot lunch and I really enjoyed and appreciated it.
The sunshine streaming in through the windows onto me – at work this morning, and again at home this afternoon.
That I have managed to finish all my work early today, and have had the time to do some errands, and still get home with time to spend an hour on y own, thinking and writing our my gratitude challenge for the last couple of days.
:)
My adversary is my ego. The three things I appreciate about my ego is
that 1. it is constantly teaching me lessons, 2. shows me how vulnerable
it is, and 3. is a daily reminder of my imperfections.
3 things I am grateful for:
1. I am grateful for my tea & cookies date with my client and friend
Elyse. I love connecting with people I consider to be in my soul family.
2. I am grateful for my bf who for no occasion gifted me with my favorite perfume- Tom Ford White Suede. The scent is so decadent and sensual, I thought it was such a
romantic gesture.
3. I am grateful for coming home on to a comfy bed and snuggling with my pups. I am grateful for this love-fest opportunity everyday.
3 Things I am grateful for today – Day 5
1. An extremely small bill I paid for my car repair :-)
2. A beautiful view from our balcony
3. Learning how to set long exposure time on my camera
There have been people in my life which I did not like, had not been nice to me but I don’t think I could call them my adversaries. I agree with Magpie, I am my worse adversary. Even the wrongs other people have done to me, were mostly the consequence of my attitude towards these events. I could have brushed them aside as most other people did but instead I chose to ponder on them and blow them out of all proportions when there was nothing I could do in certain circumstances and usually later I would realise how meaningless it has all been. So why do I think I have been my worse adversary? I believe it was a combination of my negative upbringing (but not abusive just for the record) and personality that has caused a lot of damage in my younger years. I would have the feeling that I need to be perfect in everything I do and as of course one cannot be perfect from day 1, this had made me miss many opportunities and not try things out. I believed I was not good enough for other people so I would avoid company and become a pretty antisocial person. This has also given me problems in my relationships with men. Also I have chosen mostly manual jobs during my studies because I belived I am not good enough for more demanding jobs although I did them well later on when I did gather the courage to try some of them. I have been working in the last few years to turn this adversary into an ally :-) and things have been improving. Also me being my worse adversary has made me realise nobody can hurt you unless you let them although I still have problems practicing this in my everyday life :-)
However there have also benefits to this kind of lifestyle caused by my negative attitude towards myself.
1. I am not afraid of doing things on my own – I travelled solo for 1 year for example.
2. I am not afraid of not being in a relationship as some of my friends.
3. I have tried out jobs that people of my intelligence and education normaly wouldn’t and have no problem for example with waitressing as opposed to some other people I studied with. And this is a big advantage with the economic situation today. I do search for more but I know if it comes to the worst, I will still be able to make a living as long as I am healthy no matter what kind of job I will have to do.
I can really related to your statement “Even the wrongs other people have done to me were mostly the consequence of my attitude towards these events. I could have brushed them aside as most other people did but instead I chose to ponder on them and blow them out of all proportion.” I suffered for 20 years while being stuck in this mindset, and I have recently graduated from this viewpoint. Thanks for the reminder that we are all human, and we are evolving.
http://donettas.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/day-5-gratitude-challenge-adversaryadversaries/
Two people who I have difficulties with are my mom and my ex. That said, I love my mom and I know she does her best for me (we just have very clashing personalities, so I’d say most difficulties are a result of not understanding each other). As for my ex? I quite literally don’t care anymore, and it’s the most freeing thing!
1. My mom works incredibly hard to give us good meals, and to keep our house and yard very nice.
2. My mom makes sure to continually check up on us and send us care packages when we’re away at college.
3. My mom does her best to give us as many opportunities as we can have, and for that I’m appreciative.
1. By the pain my ex caused me, I learned what not to accept for myself in my future relationships.
2. Similarly, I learned that I am capable of moving on from painful experiences, and I won’t need to harbor them forever.
3. I learned that movie dates are pretty lame. ;)
Three things to be grateful for today (and some extra):
1) I got new shoes! My mom treated my sister and I to a new pair of sneakers, and I got this really nice “barefoot” pair that helps give some of the benefits of running/working out barefoot but with the benefits of shoes. =) I’m including a picture if anyone is curious, they’re black with bright pink accents!
2) Handed in my passport application today! I don’t have any travel plans, but at least soon the world will be open for me! =D
3) Classes start next week, and my future Japanese professor emailed us a syllabus/a suggestion of what to start looking at before class starts, and it made me really excited! I’m very nervous to see that there’s group “skits” and oral exams (including one with the professor, eep!) but I’m hoping it will be a good experience and that I’ll finally begin to learn a language I’ve wanted to know for a while! And maybe I’ll make some new friends in the process. x)
4) Today was a difficult day because I kept feeling impatient and frustrated with others and with my mom especially. However, I held it together, and despite some “jests” that hurt me a little more than they should’ve, I was very glad that I got through it all without anyone freaking out and yelling at each other (though we came close!). Today was a good day to reflect on the things to be positive about even in negative situations — while today was probably the most negative day I’ve had in a while, it was still much better in the end than negative days I’ve had in the past.
I have a nice quiet night ahead of me. Think I’m gonna use it to do some journaling/self-reflection. We’ll see how it goes. =)
ADVERSARY
Definitely myself. What I see as adversarial in others is often a reflection of a part of me. When I notice something in others that is bothersome or even worse, when I feel challenged by anyone or anything, there is the opportunity for me to learn about something. Also, and sometimes this is very challenging, I have a great opportunity to practice compassion with adversaries/adversarial matters. And being unconditionally loving and patient with myself.
WHAT DO I APPRECIATE ABOUT ME
1. I appreciate that I am willing to look at what I need to look at to move through something, and most of the time I am willing to do what it takes to move through the resistance or obstacle.
2. I appreciate that I have an attitude of gratitude and look at the silver lining in the cloud, seeing the blessing on the flip side of the challenging issue.
3. I appreciate that I love myself through the hard times.
4. I appreciate that I have compassion for the adversaries in my life.
GRATEFUL FOR TODAY
1. My friend and I made a great veggie ratatouille and it turned out really great!
2. I cleaned up and organized a lot in the kitchen and the space feels much better.
3. I relaxed after a verrry full weekend, and I listened to some very enjoyable music on youtube.
4. My friend did the laundry today…yay for all the little details, which, when they are attended to, are the things that really make a BIG difference!!!
COLOR ME GRATEFUL
Thank you for sharing this- I too counted myself as my adversary. I especially like your statement, “I appreciate that I love myself through the hard times.” Self-compassion is one of the best lessons we could learn. We often are nicer to others, easily forgiving them for their human frailty, but look upon ourselves in a harsher light.
Aug 19 – Day 5
3 Things to Appreciate About Adversary
I had
to really think hard on this one, as I am usually someone who doesn’t have many
enemies. Usually people either like me
or love me, and those who do neither don’t really exist in my life. There are some that annoy me honestly, but
even their lives matter and I strive to see them happy each day as much as I
would anyone else in my circle. It’s
kind of like that younger sibling annoying, where if anyone else tried to pick
on them I would rush to their defense. If
I had to think of anyone with a legitimate reason for being upset with me and
in any way using that anger in a way that I found hurtful, it would be an old
roommate of mine. There was something
about this kid that struck me as weird the first moment I remember meeting him,
and at the time he was not my first choice to live with. We shared apartments in the same complex for
just over two years, finally ending after I began to date someone. He then popped back into my life a few years
later becoming a neighbor in a complex I lived at, then co-worker, and then
finally living on my couch before moving out of state. My latest connection
with this person is when he recently returned to the state on vacation last
month. I had arranged a reunion of old
friends and invited him to attend. He
said he would come, but then started to make demands on the time and insisted
on certain guest. I attempted to help as
much as possible, but at some point simply said that I had other things to deal
with. Long story short the only dark
part of my weekend then was having him start an internet argument about how he
didn’t get his way. This was an argument that continued a few weeks later, when
he contacted me to continue with negative comments towards me.
For all of his faults, there are some things good about
him. First off this person is very loyal
to those he chooses to be. Definitely a
person you would want on your side should you become involved in a physical
situation. Second he is very good with
computer hardware. At least with PC stuff, he is good with building and fixing
them. Lastly, and this is when he
doesn’t let his head get in the way honestly, he can be very giving and
kind. I remember when we lived together
I didn’t have a license or car. There
were many times I needed to travel somewhere and he was able to provide
transportation. Though he was not always
kind about it, he did make it work. One
time that I remember is us having to make a drive to Rhode Island for a
wedding. We spent a good day plus in the
car driving each way, and he only asked for maybe four hours of sleep max for
both trips there and back. Instead he
turned me loose on the interstate, giving me my first real experience driving.
3 Things Grateful for Today
–
I had a refund issued today for a CD I attempted
to purchase from Amazon. The company had
the wrong code and sent a different disc.
Though I still have not found the one I wanted, it is nice to deal with
a company that actually works with customers online. Plus right now the cash spent is needed.
–
Got an update on my new phone. It is scheduled
to be delivered on Tuesday.
–
I own a “beater” Ford Explorer. It is an older model from the 90s and has
seen its share of road time. I also have
put it through some pains myself where there is some cosmetic damage to bumpers
and a bit of excess trash. The moon roof
leaks, the side window is off track and the check engine light has been on
since the last time I took it to a mechanic.
The key is even broken off inside the ignition switch making opening the
doors a challenge. Still it starts and runs.
Today I had to go home between shifts to change, then again to let my
dog out later in the rain. My truck has not let me down. I hope I am not tempting fate right now, but
I am grateful to have that vehicle.
Adversary: My mom
Why? I wanted to study in August but she didn’t want me to study, I struggled but she did everything in her power so I didn’t study in August. I’ve felt sad about it till this challenge started…today happens to be the day all my classmates start college. Even the people who less looked like the studious type went to university. I feel like a total failure because of her and I’m still struggling on whether to forgive my mom or not.
To be honest, one of the reasons I moved out is because I wanted to get the heck out of that house already and away from mom so I can do things on my own and go study. People take studying for granted because mommy and daddy tend to be super supportive but apparently I have a mom who could care less if I do nothing my entire life and I hate it and I forgive her sometimes but I then hate her again. It’s a cycle…but even with all of this events, still am grateful for my mom and I still love her and I know she loves me.
What I appreciate about my mom is…
1- She buys us our needs because of her motherly selfless love.
2- Even if it hurts me how she denies my studies for this semester and possibly the next semester as well… I know that in her mentality she’s doing it because she things that it’s what best for me while I know that it’s not what is best for me. She overprotects too much but it’s because of love.
3- She raised us and cared for us when we were sick, she was there for us as a baby and as we grew. Even if I feel like crap because of the university issue she’s still my mom and I love her…
Oh! and I am grateful for:
– This challenge. it’s really helped me move forward with the university issue. I’m finding reasons even the smallest to be grateful an it’s made my life so much better.
– The meal I cooked today. It’s a blessing to have lights, water, time and food to eat. It’s only a dream for some people in the world and have it. I am grateful. My life is blessed. I have no right to complain
– The life I’m living is the one I always dreamed of. University or not I have what I wanted and still complain. What’s wrong with me?? University doesn’t mean failure and I am taking free local classes at an office once a week on sewing so no right to complain there either
Hello,
I was wondering why your mom doesn’t want you to study? I always thought most parents make their kids study even if they didn’t want to… Thanks for answering.
There is a family member who although I don’t associate with often for obvious reason yet I find that when I do she is an opposing force in my life and seems to bring a spirit of negativity or naysaying with her whenever possible. However there are things that I can appreciate about this person and have also informed the family member of them.
1. I appreciate this family members knowledge and intelligence regarding specific things.
2. I appreciate this family members talent and showmanship.
3. I appreciate this family members passion.
The 3 things I am grateful for on today are:
1. Celes and the Personal Excellence blog because of how it inspires and motivates me.
2. Increasing my water intake for the overall health benefits.
3. Being a sounding board for my different friends and family members who need to vent without being judged or given any type of feedback…just heard.
Thank you so much for your appreciation, blessedart! I appreciate you for supporting my work, reading my articles, and being a part of this blog and community! :)
When I was in high school, there was a guy in my class who gave off the air of a rebel. I was intimidated by that kind of attitude and because of the stupid antics teenagers take part in, we were not exactly on good terms. As time and the biology teacher would have it, he was my biology lab partner. It was very quiet at our table. Let’s see…three things I admired about him: 1) he was always true to himself; 2) he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind when he felt it was necessary, even in the face of opposition; 3) and he overrode his own annoyances with the human race in general when it came to teamwork. With the first two, I think he was probably one of the first people to make me think it was OK to be who I really was and that it was OK to speak up. With the third, I’m pretty good about overriding my own annoyances for the sake of others but I’m sure I could do better in that area.
The three things I’m thankful for today: 1) a great workplace with a great boss and workmates, 2) quietness in my house, 3) my senses…I like being able to observe the things around me.
Ugh, this one’s going to be another story, but not a detailed one.
I have just been having the most inconvenient past few days… I got into a traffic mishap on Friday, then today when we were out shopping our TV was stolen from our new apartment.
It’s still being dealt with (therefore I won’t give details), and we’re not likely to get it back, so we will be TV-less for a while. But there are lots of things to be grateful for in this incident too. My mother was surprisingly calm with this incident too, even though I felt really bad about having to trouble her again (just like the car, the TV is really hers).
Also, I’m fortunate to even have such a first-world problem. There are people who don’t even have televisions to be stolen, and people who are too concerned with where to get food on a daily basis to even think about things like electronics. There are people without homes to be broken into.
And I’m insanely grateful for the people in my life, because they’re just the sort of people I want to be around. Everyone was really calm, no one freaked out or cried, or got really pissed off or shouted about their frustrations. Granted, this doesn’t really affect my siblings, so maybe that’s why they were so collected, but my roommate was really cool about it too, and we both contacted the necessary people. My mother is really organised and she’s a lawyer, so it made me feel better that she had a good grasp of the legal situation.
Yeah, it sucks, but my adversaries (the people who took our TV), have shown me that:
1) I should be grateful to have had a TV in the first place
2) I should be grateful to be in a position where I don’t feel the need to steal from others to make money or provide for myself.
3) I should be grateful for my stern personal morals and integrity that make me the sort of person who wouldn’t even consider stealing as a viable option.
I really can’t say that I’m grateful that this has happened (both this and the car thing still seem almost surreal), but I am hopeful that I will grow from these experiences.
Hey,
There were many adversaries in my life most of which I erased from my memories but there was this one person whom i despised so much during my collage days.
But the the things that I appreciate about her
1. She was a very good friend of my boy friend.
2. Her fondness for my bf, who was also her school best friend, brought out the best in him as a person. Her exceptional friendship/devotion/reverence for him was so tempting that I often wished i had friends like her.
3. She was a self-confident person and always encourage others also.
Three things I am grateful for today
1. My parents. Thanks for accepting what I said earlier and for being always so understanding.
2. The happy day that i spent today watching movies that I always intended to watch.
3. The awesome videos I saw this morning on YouTube which definitely made my day.
And also
4. Celes: thanks for the challenge. I started my day writing a note of appreciation which filled me with so much happiness. Also this challenge lifted some burden off my shoulder as i acknowledge the good things in the person I loathed for years.
That’s so awesome to hear, Muna, regarding the challenge lifting some burden off your shoulder. I’m really glad to hear that and I’m excited to see even more great things which gratitude is going to break to your life!
I have never thought about adversaries like it is described in this article for day 5 of our challenge. Firstly, I have understood adversaries as lessons, my teachers. But when talking about adversaries like they “exist in our life as a complementary force to personal growth and success (as natural dualities, like light and dark, exist as complementary rather than opposing forces)”, that brings them to a whole different level for me. And secondly, I thought adversary is just someone who is opposing me on purpose.
I do have one adversary in my life today. This person brings me down sometimes. Because of the way this person reacts in specific situations I am not feeling good about myself, I am nervous, anxious, not relaxed (at ease), it makes me tired. This person is not being like this on purpose, this person is not beeing aware of the effect/influence she has on me. When I will change myself in order not to be so affected with her reactions (with her way of communication), she will not be my adversary any more.
5 things I appreciate about a person, who is an opposing force in my life today:
– is hard-working,
– is successful in her business,
– is resourceful,
– is reliable,
– is responsible.
(It was hard to come up with 3 things! But when I came up with 3 things, I immediately found 2 more. When I think of this person in such positive way, it makes me like her more :) )
Today, I am grateful for:
– getting up early and singing,
– finding a qoute that goes like this: Dear Monday, thanks for having the word “mon” in you. That’s french for “mine”. In case you weren’t aware, Monday, but it makes me think of you more as “my day”, & frankly that sounds like a much more promising way to start the week.
Unknown
– being productive and focused at work,
– my doggy coming back from her “vacaiton” on countryside,
– not being lazy,
– calling my hairdresser and making an appointment,
– new perception and uderstanding the meaning of adversary.
I had someone clearly in mind when I saw this assignment and then my took a day for the worst. At that moment I realized something I can be my own adversary. What I am grateful today and what I have learned about myself over the years is;
1) My adversary would say the whole day is wasted – Instead my adversary has taught me it is not all or nothing. The day is not wasted. I chose to get up and do some much needed work.
2) My adversary would take out my frustration on everyone – Instead I tried to catch how I was responding to the situation and change how I was treating other people around me
3) My adversary would drag on about how much I missed out on by not making the appointment – Instead I realized this was a good time to make use of “quiet time” around the house to get much needed treatment work done. I was able to do some solid journaling that I have not been able to access lately.
So even though my adversary is myself I learned much about her today.
That sounds like a fantastic revelation, Karin. I believe many of us have much to learn from what you have shared, because so many of us self-sabotage again and again. Thank you so much for sharing!
I am my own worst adversary in many ways – does that count?
I dont know :) Try to share with us why are you your worst adversary and try to share with us 3 thing you appreciate about yourself. And then we will see if that counts :)
If that will not count, then you could reflect on your second worst adversary.
1) I don’t do moderation.
2) I am disorganised
3) I procrastinate
And what are the best 3 things you appreciate about yourself?
1) I’m very loyal
2) I like to make people laugh
3) I have lots of energy and never do things by half!
3 things I am grateful for today:
1) That my parents are having the boys for a few nights – it’s a win-win-win situation for everyone!
2) That I have found a new car I like.
3) That my son’s spots aren’t anything itchy or contagious!
Thanks for sharing… If you feel todays task is completed, then it counts.
Reflecting on adversary I realized I could be more friendly with opposing forces in my life (instead of opposing those opposing forces :) ) because they are not a bad thing. They, in the end, always lead to our growth. Its up to us to follow.
Hope you boy gets well soon!
Spešl Pavrs, thanks so much for being a shining light in this community! :)
Awh, thanks Celes :)
Thank you – hopefully the spots will disappear soon. I agree with your thoughts – Most of my opposing forces would be good if I could just moderate them :D
Hi Maths Magpie! It sounds like self-sabotage at work. You may find this piece on self-sabotage behavior and how to break it helpful: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/self-sabotage/
You’re so right – I nearly wrote self-sabotage as number 3 – I’ll have a look at the article, thanks for the link :)
You’re very welcome Magpie!! :) Hope the article will be of some help!
Part 1 of today’s task was a bit of a challenging one for me. I had to think carefully who I was going to write about..Hmm I decided to write about a so-called friend Bianca. We studied together at the university and only recently I have realised that may be we are not so good friends as I feel used when she asks for information etc. Anyways, the following are three things that I appreciate about her:
1. She has a big heart and does charity work consequently.
2. She knows how to talk to people/
3. She is dedicated to her religion.
3 things that I am grateful for today:
1. The chief medical officer called me this morning to join the doctors on their ward rounds, It was educative for me as I am a young pharmacist who has just joined the workplace!
2. My Rakesh (my husband) called me this evening and we spoke for over 30 minutes on the phone!
3. I had hot running water this morning to shower! It was -3 degrees-the pipes could have been frozen!
This was an interesting task – thanks Celes.
My ex-husband Chris…
1. He is intelligent and funny.
2. He has always managed on his own, despite his family being in Hastings and despite his illness.
3. He has left me alone mostly.
Three things I am grateful for today…
1. I ate very healthily today – no carbs, fat or artificial sugar.
2. I made very good progress with my article at work ;)
3.I had a lovely chat with my friend Ruth on the phone at lunch time as I walked around the park.
This was a hard one! I chose my dad. He has been dead for three years and still our bad relationship effects me. It took time but finally I came up with three things I appreciate about him. I’ll try to focus on these whenever he comes to my mind.
1) He was never afraid or shy to talk about his achievements.
2) He was a entrepreneur and was always on his employees side, no mattre what.
3) If need be, he was able to manage with very little money and wasn’t too attached with material posessions.
The three things I’m grateful today.
1. We are having some family time just for us as my mum is out of town for couple of nights. I love having the whole house just for us :)
2. The sun that suddenly came out after a morning of heavy rain. …just when I was feeling sorry for myself.
3. An email from my schools principal lecturer which said she tought my idea of writing my thesis (it’s about meditation in artists’ point of view) as a blog was a good idea. She also liked that the results will be told in a form of a performance. I’m happy and excited to get started!
My adversaries over the years have taught me several things that I am grateful for:
1. I have learned to try to understand where they are coming from by trying to “walk a mile in their moccasins”. Once I can see the reasons for their behaviour I have come to realise that it is less about me and all about them and I can let their bad behaviour, indiscretions and poor treatment go.
2. Every time I encounter negative or poor treatment, I have tried to show empathy and compassion instead of anger and frustration. I am grateful for being shown this, it has taken time, but adversaries become less so with compassion.
3. I have learned to get over it. The less fixated I have become on the person by letting go, the happier I am.
Thank you Nadine. Your comments helped me today. I have been trying to do exactly this “show empathy and compassion and let go”, but I really struggle with it. Your words reminded me of the benefits of staying on that path.
My blog today covers days 3-5 since I don’t blog on the weekends: http://nifermusings.blogspot.com/2013/08/gratitude-challenge-appreciate-about.html
Hope everyone is having a great-full day!!!!
hmmm… this is difficult to answer, since it means admitting that we do have adversaries, and that there are people who we despise (even if it be a legitimate reason)! as you can see, from the screenshot, i wrote her name in the journal to remind me of my jealousy, but i cant bear to slander her in public!
the question brought to mind, a female classmate at college, who really overdid the “delicate darling” act. It’s hard (if not impossible) for female engineers to be taken seriously, and her behavior back then certainly did not endear her to the 5-6 other girls in the class (of 80) who were striving to prove that we were not just brilliant academically, but also good with the hands-on labs and practical parts of the curriculum. [its easy to see that gender differences put you at a disadvantage during carpentry class, when the average female is 50 pounds and 2 inches shorter than the weakest male colleague! :( ]
Even though I’d love to say that she did not have any endearing qualities, she actually was pretty talented. Here are the stuff that made her so successful:
1. She never complained- seriously! I don’t think I’ve ever heard her complain or gossip about anything- no matter what.
2. She thanked lavishly- so people were always ready to bend over backwards to help her out. This is something that I do follow now, although I have to credit that she did it in such a polished way that it never felt insincere or mere flattery.
3. She knew she was bad at lab work, so she was always ready to ask for help. Her ego never stood in the way! This is something that I struggled with in college- as a high achiever, I felt asking for help proved me incompetent. Now, of course I know that its impossible to be good at everything- you always start from scratch before becoming an expert.
4. Excellent networking skills- she was present at every college event, party or get-together, even if it was a week before the finals. the more ppl you know, the more people you can reach out to help.
5. She had excellent fashion sense- she was very pretty, so with her clothes and makeup sense she looked gorgeous, always! [Still does! ] One of the main reasons I despised her then- the fact that she used her looks and charming talks to get favors, even though she was smart.
I must also admit that I was pretty popular as well, so I took looks for granted. With hindsight, however I realize I should have paid more attention to grooming and looks. Sadly, people do judge by first appearances, so even if you are brilliant, bad grooming can cause a lot of damage! Now I am not so lax, and people from high school think I look stunning- the proverbial plain-duck-to-swan metamorphosis!
overall, i can see that my anger stemmed from the fact, that she was successful using inappropriate methods. in fact, even as i write this i realized that i still resented the things she did, in some remote corner of my mind. thanks celes, for helping me let go! that’s the first thing i am grateful about.
the other two would be the excellent weather (sunny yet cool) and a phone call from an old school friend. (thanks NN for reaching out!)
I chose 2 persons as my adversary, first one. my ex and the second one, my sister.
About My ex :
¨1.He appreciated me for whatever I did, and always
encouraged me for improvement.
¨2.He was really generous.
¨3.He was energetic while I was around him.
¨4.He was brave to take difficult responsibilities at first
places.
About my sis :
¨1.While she is having a really bad husband she is with him
because of her commitment.
¨2.She talks a lot with my mum, so I am not worried that my
mum would be left alone.
¨3.She is a good cook.
4.She is really beautiful, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen without exaggeration.
And 3 things I am grateful for today,
¨My newborn Idea of a new method(the 1st ever in my country) in Olympiad field was accepted by an Institute, hura.
¨Maryam, my best friend,I met her, and appreciated her strength, and her honesty.
And she is ALWAYS there for me.
¨Aerobics:I went to the gym twice today, I am exhausted, but I feel really fine .
¨My energy, I fulfilled lots of tasks today. I am proud of myself J.
Well, talking about the things I appreciate about my adversary…
Who is that? He is my ex-boss. Because of him, I decided to change my job after 4 years working so nicely with my ex-colleagues. However…
1. Because of him, I got to change to education field — my dream job. :)
2. Because of him, I knew that I was not suitable to stay in the environment with full of politics issues. I tried hard to face the issues, but I couldn’t handle it.
3. Because of him, I knew which level of tension I could take. I was nearly commit suicide without showing any sign to anyone. And, that was the point that I decided to change job.
4. Because of him, I knew how good my ex-colleagues were to me. They supported me a lot. They knew that I would like to be a teacher, so one of them helped me to introduce my dream job to me.
Yes, I should thank him. And now, he is still in my friend list in Facebook, and we are still connecting to each other. :)
Today, the 3 things that I’m grateful for:
1. I managed to invigilate for 2 examination sessions, which one of them was 3-hour session, and another one was 2-hour session. I was so tired with the invigilation sessions of 5 hours in total. >.< But, finally, I have gone through~ Here I left only 4 sessions of invigilation in different days, only one session each day!! Again, thank to the invigilator in charge, he helped me a lot, and he taught me some new knowledge~
2. I have finished marking my final examination papers. Today, I passed the papers to my colleague for internal moderation of the marking. Thank her for spending her time to moderate my marking. :) She is a caring colleague and she informed me for the mistake I made in my marking before finalize the marks.
3. In my blog, I wrote about my students, who I talked about since 2 days ago. They are really good students, and they replied to my blog~! Although I didn't receive any reply from them about my gratitude email sent to them, but their replies in my blog made my day! ^^
I think adversary is a bit too much, I mean it’s a strong word. But there have been people against who I felt I had to fight in order to “rise”, to be what it was expected of me to be. I’ll refer to one girl in particular, I won’t give names or descriptions though. What I admire about her: she is a thoughtful person; she is beautiful; she has good fashion taste.
What I am grateful for today:
1. I received the visit of a dear friend. It’s the first time that she comes to my place and we had a great time.
2. I met a college mate whom I haven’t seen since June because she lives in a different city. It was nice seeing her and chatting for a brief moment.
3. Today at the local library, I found a book that I’ve meant to read for a long while, now I can finally do it.
4. Again, it was a very productive day at the NGO. I think we may finish our project way before its due date, which would be great.
It always hurt more when the person whom you thought is a friend turns out to be your adversary….http://randomthoughts-musings.blogspot.com/2013/08/daily-gratitude-log-5.html
There were men in my life who were not adversaries, but they caused irreparable damage. In my younger years, I had been in two abusive relationships: one physical, the other mental. Three things I learned from these experiences:
1. If a person does not show me the respect I believe I deserve, then I will walk away from the relationship.
2. The adage is correct: “Actions speak louder than words.” Don’t disallow the actions only because the words are pretty.
3. I must respect myself before someone else can respect me. No more “doormat” syndrome.
Also, I believe you posted this quote, Celes. I now have it prominently displayed at work and at home. “Never Make Someone a Priority When All You are to Them is an Option.” ~ Maya Angelou.
Three things I am grateful for today:
1. My walk to work. Granted, I have to drive 15 minutes to the metro and then take two trains that take an hour, but the last leg is a 15-minute walk in a beautiful part of the city with trees and foliage.
2. My daily crossword puzzles. Try to complete two a day.
3. Watching people walk their dogs. I see the same people every day and it’s wonderful to watch the dedication the owners have to their pets. Some let the dog walk without a leash, others ride a bike, some jog. The dog always looks happy.
Love that quote by Maya. Actually, Maya Angelou is a woman full of wisdom, I absolutely love a lot of the things she has said.
love the quote! :) thanks for sharing.
A really nice quote.
I think with time, that saying becomes an eye opener. I can totally relate to that.
This thankfullness thing didn’t get my full attention because I’m focussing on growing self appreciation and love for myself.
I do however think about it alot because I’m reading this blog.
There is one thing I’d really like to share with you since I find this very special:
What I’m most thankfull about for today is that I learned I really like passion, I like it in myself and it is one of the most important things I like in other people. Passion and love are extremely important for me.
Then I went on google images for quotes on the subject to see if I could find more wisdom about this, and my eye immediately fell on this: http://www.mediawebapps.com/upload/tlc14.jpg
especially the first sentence got my attention: “Life without thankfullness is devoid of passion and love”
So I went from focussing on love, with a sidenote for thankfullness, found out I really enjoy passion and love and came via google images back on thankfullness.
So I also found out how it’s all connected, which is another think I’m thankfull for.
To be honest, I don’t really consider myself to currently have any adversary as such (except my own thoughts on occasion…).
I’ve settled for describing the most recent really difficult person in my life, and the person I’m most jealous of.
Person 1 (my old boss)
1) Appreciation for the fact that I have a better life and am a better person than her. How someone can be so smallminded and bitter is beyond me, and I’m glad of it.
2) Appreciation for the good employers/bosses/clients in my life.
3) Gratitude that that job is over, it served me well when I had it, but I never have to see that place or person again if I so choose.
4) Major props to my ability to not give a fuck.
5) Improving my ability to deal with difficult people.
6) The flexibility she generally allowed me at work.
7) She did buy me ice-cream once.
8) I have some funny stories to tell about bat-shit bosses and work-places.
Person 2 (An artist/designer I’m occasionally very jealous about)
1) Is doing what he loves and wants to do, something I deeply admire
2) Is constantly improving his skills through practice of his craft
3) Has a distinct style
4) Is putting himself out there, going for what he loves
5) Is doing the work
6) Is true to himself
I consider this person something of a rival, though he isn’t really and I never actually see him in person.
I realise and accept the fact that I am jealous of him because he appears to be doing precisely what I wish I could be doing, whereas I’m holding back/struggling. I say appears, because I’m aware it may not be the whole story. As far as I know he has another job, so he’s not even doing it full time.
There may be hardships I do not know about, so I try to keep that in perspective.
However I am still beset by bouts of jealousy when I see some of his recent work, a new exhibition, and it stings. I know the problem lies within myself and the fact that I’m not yet where I would like to be, and I try to remember that. However, I also deeply deeply admire this person, though I remember him as a jerk and a twit, for doing what he loves, and doing well at it. Hats off to that. He’s doing something right in life. (Although I’m told he’s still a twit ;) )
Three things I’m grateful for today:
1) Some money coming in
2) Meeting with a potential new client
3) Found some new online tutorials to help me with a current project
4) Full freedom on a new project
Kudos to you for facing down your jealousy. I had issues with jealousy as well, in my younger years. Today I turn jealousy to admiration, and then take the next step, which is to identify what it is about that person that I want for myself. Then I proceed to make that a goal and work toward it. This is a gift. Many people do not know what they want. If you can use jealousy to identify what you want, you are one step closer to getting it. Thanks for the gentle reminder!
Thank you very much!
Yes, my thoughts exactly! Jealousy for me marks something that they have that I desperately want. I’m trying to not direct the jealousy at a person anymore, but like you, try and figure out what it is they have that I want and then consider how I can get it.
Thank you for your kind comment! It means a lot to me!
“I’m trying to not direct the jealousy at a person anymore, but like you, try and figure out what it is they have that I want and then consider how I can get it.”
Very well said, Ffion!! :) Couldn’t agree more with that! More for those who experience jealousy and/or comparison behavior regularly: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/comparing/
Thanks Celes!
Of adversaries, i have had so many that i could just sit here and write all day. But, i remember a particular lady in college who hurt me so badly and probably affected my friendships forever. She was my best friend (or so i assumed) and we would talk about everything in the sun and shared so much. It was when she turned against me and led to my alienation with our mutual friends, a lesson that haunts me till today. I learnt not to trust people easily and i am still very cautious when forming friendships. Also, i learnt not to bad mouth people just because i am doing it with a close friend of mine.
I’m not going to mention what the adversary is, but I can say that if I hadn’t encountered it I’d have never learnt all the lessons it brought along. It’s been my greatest teacher and I look at it as grace! It made me a better person
Sounds like my last relationship ;) I had the same feelings about it later along the way when I’d finally manage to end it.
Glad you turned adversary into such a positive thing.
Oh relatioships.. when they’re good they are so good, but when they’re bad, they are hard!
I am glad you’re over it. Now you know what you don’t want and that takes you closer to what you really want :)
Definitely :) I’m in a really great relationship right now and can really appreciate it as I know how bad it can be :)
Wonderful! Be grateful for love and you will get more <3
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