With my update of my how to attract authentic love guide, here’s an update of the manifesto version. :) Use this as a handy reminder in your own love journey. Good luck! :)
(Click image for larger version)
Source article: 10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love
Feel free to print it, put it on your fridge, at your work desk, or wherever you like. Check out my other manifestos in the manifestos section.
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“Be motivated by love, not fear,” “Be yourself,” and “Live your life” are the biggest yet hardest things I know I need to apply personally. I think most of my past relationships have ended badly because they were a fear-based relationship, and I notice in general I’ve tried living so that others would complete me. It’s a mindset I’m still working to get out of, I find especially in those people I’m very close to it’s hard not to crave assurance from them. Not to say all assurance is bad (and isn’t nice or needed every so often), but I should definitely be working to act a lot more on my own account, and find my own ways to find the worth of what I do instead of comparing it to others or asking others to judge.
Sorry, that turned into a bit of a ramble haha! I guess the gist of what I’m getting at is I’m still trying to figure out how to be my own person, and live my own life, and not put it on hold for others or allow others to be my sole way of knowing my worth. This manifesto definitely covers some of the most important things I have to work on! =)
I forgot to add: I’m so excited that you’re going to make a manifesto of something I suggested! Can’t wait! I’m a huge fan of these manifestos. =)
Yes, I really loved your suggestion, Calae! Feel free to post more suggestions too if there is an article which you want to see converted into a manifesto. I’ve pretty much created manifesto versions of the key classics on PE, save for a few. (I’m not doing any of the 101 type of articles until I figure out a good way to present them an A4 layout.)
You are really inspiring. The third really got me into it, but there are times that no matter how you’ve shown your love as being true with yourself, still they can’t love you back as you’ve expected but only as a friend.
Lastly the sixth tip I totally agree with that, I have just realize that thought not a year ago, that it is all about how you handle everything despite of the failures/problems you’ve been facing.
Now, I’m happy enough having God as my everything. I believe that you cannot say you’re complete unless you’ve fill your emptiness with God.
Thanks for sharing this. ^_^
Thank you for your kind words. :D
Dear Celes,
Thank you for the thoughtful analysis.
I have to admit that bullet 6 (“You Are Complete”) creates a logical hurdle for me that I am unable to resolve. If we establish that we are self-sufficient and complete unto ourselves, then how can there be room for love? If we do not need others, then what is the point of ‘finding love?’
Conversely, how can we claim that we are complete if we do not have a loving/romantic relationship?
In my particular case, I have been celibate for several years (during the years of my deceased wife’s illness and the time since her passing.) I do not feel particularly complete. And I think that conceding that romantic love is unnecessary in my life defeats the purpose of ‘finding love.’
Thanks again,
Dave
I struggle with this too, however more and more I try to see it this way: we should feel complete with ourselves, but of course having someone along to make the journey less lonely makes it all the more wonderful. =)
I think the idea is less “be so complete you don’t need love” as it is, “love yourself enough so you’re not using someone else to plug in your holes.” Relationships can be disastrous when they end if someone is using the other person to truly complete themselves, because all of a sudden they’ve almost literally lost a part of themselves that they don’t know how to find on their own. A healthy relationship will hurt too when it ends, obviously, but the difference is if someone is complete, they are their own person on their own and while it may be sad, scary, or painful to move on, at least they haven’t so heavily relied on someone else to become a part of them so they can begin to heal healthfully.
I hope I make sense, here. To use a (probably imperfect) metaphor, I almost see it like a cupcake. A cupcake is complete and ready-to-eat on its own, but it’s much more delicious when you put some icing on top. That said, taking off the icing may make the cupcake seem less than complete, but in reality it’s still a cupcake.
I know I’m not Celes, and these thoughts are just my own and perhaps not the best out there, but I hope it might help you at least somewhat. I’m very sorry to hear about your wife’s passing, I wish you all the best.
Alexa, what a cute analogy! I really love how you put the situation into perspective with the cupcake example, and I totally, absolutely agree with what you’ve said. The person is complete by him/herself, and being complete doesn’t mean there isn’t place for a relationship – there is still a place for that (the relationship), and having it doesn’t make the individual any less complete than he/she already is.
On a similar note, if there are any readers who would like to read more about the topic of being complete/incomplete in a relationship, read: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/singlehood/
Glad you liked the analogy, Celes! I’m glad it makes sense to someone other than just myself! =p
Hey Dave! What a great question. It has actually been posted by another reader before in my article earlier this month with regards to my enrollment to a dating agency. I highly recommend that you refer to our (long but interesting) exchange here: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/lunch-actually/#comment-27130
The gist is that being complete isn’t synonymous with not needing a relationship. I think the point is that we are complete as individuals, and relationships elevate us to a new place in life. It’s a mindset of abundance and possibilities, vs. scarcity and zero-sum games.
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