This is Day 15 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 15 of 21DJC! :) We’re now in the 3rd and final week of our 21-Day Journaling Challenge!
Yesterday’s question was: “What Is Love?“. (Read the responses.)
Here are some beautiful responses from some participants:
“Love is faithful, it is everlasting, it is patient and kind. It’s an appreciation for another person in spite of or because of their faults and problems.” — Peggy
“Love means accepting a person for what they are. Love means that warm, happy feeling you get when you are near, or think about the object of your love. Love means feeling safe, and appreciated.” — Julia Shirey
“Love is feeling part of Something Greater than myself, a feeling of being “home” with myself in the Presence of that Greater Self. Love actually to me is feeling connected to The Source, the Place inside my Highest Self that exists simply because the Spark of Divine breathed me into existence. Love is the feeling of warmth I feel in my heart when I help others, or give freely to others.” — Brett
“Surprisingly, I find it hard to describe love in words or phrases. So move on to feeling and emotion. Upon reading or hearing the word ‘love’ if feel extremely happy and joyful. And I found when I’m happy and joyful. I’m feeling the emotion of love. I can smile towards others, nice to others, content, and at peace.” — Fiat
“Love is a total commitment to the ultimate good of the beloved.
Love is not a mere feeling… it goes beyond that, into wordless devotion.” — Prion
“Love to me right now is nothing more than feeling compassion for fellow humankind or earthlings. It fuels me for what I’m doing and with whom I’m hanging out or having a conversation.” — lotusbleu
“Love, to me, is the bond that connects me to everyone else in the world.” — Jeffrey Q
“Love is confidence; appreciation; acceptance; trust; communication; kindness; sharing. Love means giving second chances and working towards better self, with support and encouragement. Love means being geared up to do what drives you forward and never get tired of them.” — Viole
“Love for me means sharing caring respectful warm heart felt relationships, giving without conditions, spontaneity openness and frankness.” — Bob
“[Love] means to accept others and be accepted for who one really are. It means to stay and stick with somebody in the bad and the good, it’s to give without wanting and spend quality time together. … Love is making a silly random joke to put a smile on another person when everything feels like it will end, love is when you give it all up for another and love is when you feel loved and love in return. :heart: ” — fufu
“This is the first time I read all the comments before posting. So this smile on my face? That’s love. To get to know you and your deepest thoughts. Beautiful people with beautiful souls, thank you. :) ” — Andreea
“Love to me is when you know that you [are] not perfect and you don’t expect perfection from others. First you have to love yourself to love others. Loving others the way you love yourself. … Seeing all of someone’s good qualities as opposed to thinking about all their bad qualities. ” — Vanessa
“To me, love means accepting people as they are, not trying to change them into who you think they should be. Unconditional acceptance without judgment. Knowing when to hang on and when to let go. Unconditional respect without judgment. If understanding is not possible, having a true yearning to understand. Seeing someone’s eyes light up when they see you or vice versa.” — Stella Zorro
“Love to me is like a synonym for care and understanding…
Love is where no lies exist…..the faces of the two should have a spring water like clarity
Love is where no need for unnecessary pushing and fussing exists.” — ASLO
For me… Love is transcendent. Love is the universal link that binds all living beings together.
Love is what sets apart the living beings from the non-living things. Love is what we live for. Love is the reason we are alive. Love is the reason we will continue to live.
Love makes us grow stronger, greater, better, more beautiful, than we would be by ourselves.
Love is greater than anything there is in the world.
Love is what I have for all of you, and love is what keeps me going every day.
I love all of you.
With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!
21DJC Day 15
Yesterday we talked about love – what it is and what it means to us. Today’s question is about the emotion that’s on the other end of the spectrum – Pain.
What is the Most Painful Thing You Have Ever Experienced To Date?
Think back to all your life experiences to date. Can you point out one incident which has been the most painful to you in the past X years you have been alive? What incident was it? What happened during the incident? And why was it painful to you?
(Painful can be defined as anything that makes you feel sad, upset, sorrowful, depressed, pained.)
Your Task Today:
- Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
- Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
- Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
((Images: Empty book for journaling, Angry boy))
Welcome to Personal Excellence. If you like my free articles, join my newsletter and get my latest updates and articles sent right to your inbox.
I’ve been blessed,and I really haven’t been trough painful stuff.Luckily,everyone close to me is healthy. I haven’t yet had any painful romance.
The only pain I’ve been trough is the pain I myself caused, by feeling bad about myself. There was a period where I have been quite unhappy, and I used to cry very often.That was in 3rd grade, I was 17.
But looking at a big picture I am happy :)
I try not to focus on the past too much anymore, for there is a lot of pain involved. This is a very tough question for me, but I will try and share.
When I was five, I almost lost my father to a brain aneurysm. It was so painful to me I still remember how terrified I was that he was going to die. He went through an eight hour operation to remove five aneurysms, and they wouldn’t let me in to see him after because they said I was too young. My parents say I went crazy at the babysitter’s when she told me I couldn’t see my father, that I ran out to the balcony and screamed at her until she called my mother to take me to the hospital. I made that poor babysitter cry… but I got to see my dad. I almost lost him that day when his heart stopped from the trauma, but the doctors saved his life. To this day, I have always been extremely protective of my family and I will always put them first.
Then, when I was fourteen, our house was taken from us by the bank. I remember leaving our home for the last time… I didn’t want to go, but we had no choice. I learned what it was like to live in a van for two months. We got to see a lot of the country though, so there is a bright side to that memory.
But my most current, painful memory is having to separate myself from my mother, who I will always love but can no longer be around. Her alcoholism has ripped a hole in my family, and I am hated for marrying someone I love. I have been verbally attacked countless times, called horrible names and belittled at every opportunity throughout the last four years. I have cried a lot of tears because of this while I tried to mend our relationship over and over, but in the end things only have only gotten worse. I have realized I have to let go. It is the only option I have left.
May God bless you.
Being unemployed for 1 year was the most painful thing I’d experience to date.
I considered it as a failure.
Now, I considered it as the most beneficial to my personal development.
Most painful thing to date is betrayal = the realization of misplaced trust + the disappointment in human nature & human vulnerability + the inability to trust subsequently + the inability of letting go of past hurt + the inability to forgive & forget.
Just a quick note that today’s task is about bringing awareness to the (both negative and positive) incidents in our life, acknowledging them, and being appreciative of what we do have. It doesn’t mean that we’re unhappy if we have incidents we feel pain about – pain is one of the many emotions we experience as humans and it’s important to acknowledge that and be aware of it.
If any of you find it too painful to recollect a memory or to share it with others here, it’s fine and you don’t have to do it. There is no obligation here to share; you should only do it if it comes from the heart. One thing to note though is that to the extent where we still experience lingering emotions about something, it suggests we have not fully moved on from it. The point of this platform is to create a safe environment where all of us can share our painful experiences openly and authentically, and support each other in our growth, and hopefully trigger the start of a long, gentle recovery journey.
One thing I have learned in this life is that if we do not acknowledge and face the negative that happens we will never be able to truly understand and enjoy the positive events that happen. One can not exist without the other. Each painful experience has, once I was able to step back and examine it, given me something in my life that I have learned. It may have taken me years but the lesson was still there, still understood, still learned, and still improved upon the life I am working toward each and every day. :) Thanks for this blog, it has made me explore some things I had chose not to….. :clap:
I have several painful experience in the past, and have try to ‘release’ it. I see no point to try to remember it and bring it back (Sorry Celes, seems that I can’t participate much in this journal :rolleyes: ).
But, in order to release the painful experience, I have to contemplate and talk to myself, why is it painful. What happened? What is the reason? Sometimes it’s a small, meaningless incident but what makes it so painful?
I find that whatever incident that did not inline with my value is painful, and the pains inflict more emotional damage when the incident / person(s) hit my value point blank. (such as being honest and accused of something I didn’t do, it’s simple incident but inflict a lot of pain).
I’m grateful for Celes’s sharing regarding handling bully and the background fact goes with it. I can feel the pain when I’m powerless, that’s when someone hit my value and at that time I can’t do nothing.
What is the most painful thing I have experienced in my life?
This is hard for me to answer. I feel that most of my inner pain and turmoil is self created. I haven’t gone through terrible losses like many other people in the world have. I have never been forced to go hungry, I have never had a serious medical ilness, I have never lived under an oppressive government, I was don’t feel I was ever physicaly or mentally abused, I have never fought in a war, I have never experienced a serious natural disaster.
The painful experiences I deal with and have delt with are things I and some others might call “first world problems.” These are things like:
– “I have a job that helps me to afford food, shelter, and medical care but I feel so unfulfilled.”
– “All of my loved ones are in good health but I don’t have the realtionship I want with them so I am sad.”
– “I don’t have any real evidence to prove it but I think other people don’t like me so I feel bad.”
– “I’m young, healthy, and live in the United States but I have not acheived XYZ so I feel so disapointed with myself.”
– “I’m lonely. I wish I had somebody to talk to.”
Modern society has taken care of most “real” problems. For thousands of years people lived without electricity, in real danger from the elements, with uncertainty about the amount of food that could be acquired each season, with poor medical treatment, and with the real posibility that an army could march over the hill and take everything they have including their lives. Many people in the world may still live like this. Most of my problems are just inner angst. Problems that are just phantoms in my own head. When I recognize this though sometimes I feel ashamed for being so ungrateful for what I have and all my opportunites. So then my inner pain just self perpetuates and things spiral downwards and I end up creating career, money, health, and relationship problems for myself.
I guess my most painful thing I have ever experienced is just self sabotage. It’s just inner grief and sadness, created by myself and nobody else, that is difficult for me to address the root cause of and deal with.
Hi Matt,
Sounds like you need something to fire you up. I looked at your website recently draw everyday, there are great beginnings, good structure and simple positive idea. I would like to learn drawing and I am sure there are many people who would as well.
You can’t pick your relatives but you can choose your friends. Some relatives want to define us from their perspective of life and they don’t always share the same values and goals. Even if you change radically your perspective their attitude might be similar, but the difference will be for you is that you will have built your character. Some of my relations are only happy if I remain in certain position because it makes them feel stronger.
Look forward to hearing more about your website.
Bob
Thanks Bob. I appreciate it.
Yes I definitely do need to continue working on my website. I always feel good about myself whenever I am making an progress at all on my personal projects. I have just started a new project on it that I am very excited about. It should be done in a couple weeks.
Hey dear you are not alone. We, all of us love to hear from you, talk to you so you don’t have to feel lonely. And one more thing you have to start loving yourself. That is the key to take off all the pain. ;)
Thanks bud
Yes self love it very important. One of the 30DLBL exercises is creating a long list of reasons why you love myself. I think I need to update mine :D
The most painful thing I’ve ever had to experience in my life is the period of depression I went through when I was 15. The depression literally hurt me, physically, from the inside out. I fell into the depression because at my school, the students were treated like criminals. There was no respect and no education, and I felt oppressed because I was required by law to be there.
During this dark period in my life, the only thing that kept me going was pride. I didn’t want to lose to an institution I respected so little, so I fought back and got myself out of that place.
Now, when I look back, I think the experience has been valuable to me. Being able to recover from feeling so hopeless was the hardest thing I have ever done. It helps me value every moment because I remember the time when I thought I would never be happy again
My daughter’s rape.
Peggy, no, that’s too painful! You bring tears to my eyes. I’m sorry it had to happen to your daughter. My love and prayer for you and your daughter.
Thank you for your kind words. My daughter is strong and healthy and happy today. It took hard work for her to get there. Forgiveness, healing and recovery have occured.
:( I am so sorry to hear that
Thank you.
That’s horribble! Just wondering: has the perp been caught? Justice should be done… :rolleyes: My heart goes out to you and your daughter. :hug:
He was never caught. I so wish I could tell him about the impact he had on our lives.
Peggy, your three words brought tears in my eyes. Very sorry to hear about this. :(
My blessing for your daughter.
Thank you for your kind words.
The most painful thing I’ve ever had to experience to date.
There’s just one experience that really sticks in my mind here, and that would be when my mum passed away as a result of a brain tumor and her problems leading up to then. A very personal story, and one that may end up taking a while to read here. But I’m ok about sharing this now. Apologies if it’s a bit too much for any of you to read.
It was roughly two weeks before Christmas back in 1995 it began, but let me go back to the start. Earlier that year my mum had been diagnosed with cancer. From what they had told us, part of it was in her throat, and yet it had also spread to her back. Before discovering the cancer, she would suffer from this serious back pain. It must have been caused by the cancer. Up until roughly a year or before being diagnosed, she had also smoked, although quit after having to go into hospital for something else.
Once diagnosed with cancer, the doctor put her on chaemotherapy. As a result of that, as is normally the case with chaemotherapy, she lost her hair. The chaemo knocked her around quite a lot, but she appeared to be ok. Apparently the first dose they gave her was too much, and because of that she was in hospital for a while after high on the morphine they were giving her. It was tough, but towards the end of the year she was off the chaemo and given the all clear. Apparently the cancer had all been removed according to the tests.
Getting back to where I had started above, a couple of weeks before Christmas 1995. My mum’s hair had just started growing back, so things were looking good. Although she began falling over a few times and we couldn’t figure out why. Then there was one weekend when things got really bad. She became really forgetful and accused me of not doing a couple of things that I had already done, and my dad too. But she’d just forgotten. It was a really difficult to understand why and there were other things she did that were strange also, like cooking some mince that we’d bought to feed the cat. That weekend one of our budgies (birds) died too. Normally my mum would be really upset and cry whenever a pet died. But this time she didn’t care and told someone on the phone about it as if it were no big deal. That alone really shook me up, and I just knew something serious was wrong.
My dad took her to be checked the next day, and as it turned out she had a brain tumor. They told us the chaemo must have caused the cancer to spread to the brain. I know for a fact now that cancer does not spread from the throat to the brain, so I’m quite certain it was the chaemo itself that caused it. Meaning at the time the doctors either had no idea what they were talking about or lied to us about it. So she went back into the hospital. From that point on things just got worse and there was nothing we could do.
Since the brain tumor was pushing on her brain and even more so as it got bigger, this affected her in all different ways. Slowly she became unable to speak. I think the last time I heard her say anything was on Christmas day. We’d brought her home from the hospital in a wheel chair and she managed to say something to my cousin at her sister’s house, essentially telling my cousin she was ok. It was a really difficult time, and just seeing her sitting in the wheelchair unable to communicate was very hard. With the tumor affecting how her brain functioned and controlled her bodily functions, there were times she would be laying on the bed in the hospital and one of her arms would go in the air and stay there for no reason.
Being only 23 and previously never having lost anyone close to me, I wasn’t coping too well. More frustrated than anything. The most difficult part was knowing that we would lose her soon, but not having a chance to properly say goodbye. The worse she became, the less she was able to communicate or understand. Eventually they moved her into another room at the hospital on her own. On January 2, 1996 around lunch time my dad was home from work for a break. We were about to go and visit her when the phone rang. It was the hospital letting us know she’d passed away. I think by that point we were glad it was over, although it affected my dad a lot worse than me. I thought back to when we had seen her the night before. Although at the point she had practically no ability to do anything, she somehow managed to hold my hand really tightly.
At the time I was more angry than sad that they hadn’t detected it sooner, such as when they had given her the all clear a couple of months earlier. They scanned the rest of her body, but not her brain. Even if they had detected it then, there probably wouldn’t have been much that could have been done based on the doctor’s obvious lack of knowledge at the time. If only I knew then what I know now about nutrition and how our diet is the root cause of such diseases as cancer, I truly believe I could have saved my mum without chaemotherapy by putting her on a strict organic raw food diet, such as that recommened by Dr Robert Morse or other similar healers.
Following on from there, my dad missed my mum so much that it seemed he almost gave up on himself and sadly passed away close to four and a half years later. He’d had a problem with his heart for a while, and it was the combination of that, catching pneumonia and an infection that got him. Thankfully in his case he knew his chances weren’t so good, so before they sedated him in the hope of getting his blood pressure back to normal, I had a chance to say my last goodbyes to him. Unfortunately, they couldn’t get him back to normal and we lost him a couple of days later.
In a way, those whole 5 years were quite difficult for me, even though I had some good times with my dad when it was just the two of us. It affected me in other ways too. Just before losing my mum, I’d released my first CD with another guy. We had 4 tracks each on this CD, and it could have been the beginning of a decent music career for me. Following on from there I did a couple of tracks for compilations, but essentially feel that I may have lost faith in my own abilities from the time of losing my mum onwards. And it took me a while to get back on track.
Thats rough
That is very rough :(
I am sorry to read about your loss. This is a great lesson to learn how we should all take care of our bodies and live healthy.
I can understand and empathize with your loss and frustrations. But I hope you do not brood over the things you could have done differently to help your mom. Instead think of all the good memories of your mom, and the people you can help now, with your knowledge of nutrition and health.
Thanks Anu, and no I don’t brood over things. It’s just an occasional thought I’ve had at times when I’ve learned something new about detoxification and healing. And the good memories are always there. Sometimes I have dreams about my parents and it’s like they had never left.
I am sorry for your loss.
Hey Glenn, I’m really proud of you and how far you’ve come in the past 15, 16 years. I’m glad that PE somehow brought (all of) us together. It feels great being acquainted with all of you amazing souls.
Glenn, sorry to hear this. No one can take place of mother / father in this world.
A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.
:hug: Thanks for sharing Glenn. Like you, I too have lost my mother to cancer. I was 16 and it wasnt easy at all. We can always question the ‘whys’ and ‘what could have beens’, but it just was the way it was.
I’m still learning how to deal with loss and finding my way in life without a mother’s unconditional love, but one thing i’m ever grateful for is that at least we got to spend a lovely 16 years together. :heart:
Being appreciative, letting go and channeling positive energy (like this blog) into our lives helps! I’m sure you’ve already doing all of those & more too :)
Hi Nicole, I’m so sorry to hear that, and I just read your journal entry here too. It must have been really difficult just being a teenager at the time?
But you’re right, we need to be grateful for that time we had together. I definitely am too.
That really brought tears to my eyes.
I myself am undergoing a lot of pain currently because of wife’s infidelity.
But my suffering seems like a cakewalk compared to what you must have gone through at such an early age.
Wish you all the Best for your life.
Losing my mother was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to experience. She was my confidant and best friend. I am thankful that she lived to be 85 years old. Many of those years were difficult for us and we were not best friends. But the last 20 were really good and even though she has been gone for four years, I think I will never get over missing her.
One thing my Momma told me before she got real sick was that in life there is always death, it is the only guarantee in life that we have and that when it was her turn she wanted me to remember the good times that we had, the laughter, and forget all the bad. In this remembrance I can smile at her photographs….I still miss her, especially on bad days, but I know that if I listen to my heart, I can still hear the words she would have told me were we to be talking. :) :hug:
My most painful experience to date is my parents’ divorce.
At that time I was six and my two sisters were 5 years old and 1 month old, respectively. I was terrified of having to stay with a stepmother.
My mum did got custody of us and it was then that I know what a mother’s love is all about. I know then what a mother is capable of and I always say a prayer for my mum every day to this day, even though she’s no longer around.
In those days, there was no such thing as alimony payment or any allowance for the children. My mother grew up during the Japanese occupation and had very little education, if any. When she was married to my father she was a full time housewife, devoting her heart and soul to him. So, you can imagine, what sort of job can she do to provide for herself and three girls! I remember her washing people’s clothes, cooking food to be sold at a hawker stall, working as a waitress and wait on tables, etc.
Mum hardly smile and she was heart-broken. She carried on because she had three girls to feed and provide for. I had to be the mummy and the daddy to my two sisters. I had to grow up fast.
It was the darkest period in my life ever. Growing up without a father is sad. I’ve since forgiven him, but I do sometimes wonder what it feels like as a child to sit on his lap or to walk around holding hands with him, etc. Both my dad and mum had since passed on.
What lesson can I learn from this experience?
* That I should treasure my marriage and honor the commitment that two people made with each other when they enter into this life long contract. Marriage is not for a day, a month, or a year.
* Nurture my marriage and communicate with each other with due respect and love, always.
* Children are precious and their well-being should always be placed first and foremost. It’s just not about you anymore.
* This early experience in my life has left me stronger and more independent.
* Things happen for a reason. They are meant to teach you something. Just realize that and appreciate the lesson being taught.
From my dad’s second marriage, he left me with two step-sisters. They are the most warm, kind and loving women who I’ve met and known in this world. I now have two additional people to love and be loved in return. :heart:
My first 20 years were painful because I was born with a rare disease and as a kid and teenager people were always staring and asking what happened to me. I began to think something is terribly wrong with me, that I’m disabled, that I’m unworthy. I ended up pretty damaged. Besides, my parents had to sell the house in order to pay for my surgeries and treatment and we never had our place again. Living with strangers, in rent, under other people’s rules and restrictions was rough. Add physical pain to all that and you’ll know that my daily life was a pain. But breaking up with my boyfriend was the final blow. That nearly killed me. Although I must admit it was a good thing after all, it made me change my life completely. And I’m glad we went seperate ways before hating each other. But not having him in my life is still the most painful experience.
you sound like a strong person. keep going! :hug:
thanks Nicole, you are strong too! your mother helped you become the person you are today and that way, a part of her will always carry on within your heart. besides, you’ve got yourself another guardian angel up there :) :hug:
There are too many painful things that we all experience in life. I’m not sure what it is for me…I’ve had my fair share of physical and emotional pain. Personally, I don’t want to recall those memories because it’ll probably affect my “monotone” mood as of right now.
Painful things…hrmm…beatings, fighting physically with someone (a guy too…), experiencing painful words, family rejecting me, having to give up on my hobby (<- that was pretty heart wrenching for me), going through stupid friendship problems, being lied to horribly, not being able to do anything…having to pass up so many opportunities, etc etc…I consider all of those my painful experiences (sorry for the run on by the way). I honestly don't think I can pick just ONE.
Good day to all *tips hat*
The most painful experience for me to date is the feeling of not being allowed something because I didn’t do something right, it makes me feel sad and disappointed.
Now you know you haven’t done anything right. So you can start all over again by not doing those wrong things.
I think one of the most painful experiences in my life was having to tell my parents/ family that I was pregnant. Coming from a family of all girls and Catholic upbringing, it was a terrible thing to have happened especially when I still in uni. I can still remember the look on my mum and dad’s face. My sisters did not know how to react.
Moreover, my then supposed love of my life, basically abandoned me in what was a trying time in my life. I went through the pregnancy without him and I must say, it was very challenging in all aspects.
I am glad that my family had stood by my side and now 11 years down the line, my son is 10 years and I am a very proud single mother. But looking back , I can’t believe how far I’ve come – I have gained back the respect from my family but the pain & hurt will always be there.
I admire you for your strength in going through that dark period of your life. That was so courageous!
The most painful experience I endured is my mom’s suicide, when I was 11.
She left my dad, my 7yo brother and 1yo sister.
I was devasted and since, my life hasn’t quite been the same.
But after carefull thought I’ve learned to be appreciative of the time I had with her, and to not blame myself for her death.
Living without my mom has been tough, my dad never gets me and I’ve to grow up fast and lose a lot of my teenage years because I had to be there for my brother and sister.
I am now 19, and I do think the fact that she passed and me having to live without her did make me a lot stronger and more aware of life and what I was doing.
I hope to feel like I am in a family that loves and cares for me again, hopefully someday.
I can not imagine the pain you, your siblings, and your father went through. I am glad that you gained internal strength from this sad experience.
This is very painful. My heart goes out to you. Your dad must be grieving for her in his own way. It’s not your fault. You are still so young. May you stay strong and live to your life purpose. My love and prayer for you and your family.
Today is the 2nd day I read everyone’s comments before writing my own (the 1st was on the 1st day of 21DJC). And my first reaction after reading some people’s comments: Oh My God. Comments about rape, divorce and death most applied.
Luckily for me I haven’t really suffered lots of pain. But just to be honest, I think the most painful thing is my lack of confidence.
Not my lack of confidence to speaking in front of an audience because I do that well. It’s my lack of confidence to ask for things I really want. It’s my lack of confidence to tell my parents what I want and what I don’t.
Why my lack of confidence? I’ve been given a lot of things I don’t like – just because I didn’t tell my parents that I didn’t want that. I’ve not been given things I like – just because I didn’t tell my parents what I want.
I’m afraid of the rejection of not getting what I want. I know that I have to take the first step and that my parents aren’t mind readers. But the fact still remains – I can’t bring myself to tell what my parents what I actually want.
Recently I’ve been embarking on a self confidence project. So far a little has come out of it. I’m able to tell my father what phone I want since my original one has been spoiled. :dance:
BTW, I’m not sure if this is considered a painful experience. If not, though, I don’t have an answer for this. None of my close family have been seriously ill, my parents aren’t divorced, and we have enough money for our needs. What else can I ask for? I’ve been blessed. :D
P.S. My heart goes out to all those who have suffered lots. Stay strong and you’ll be stronger than before, and stronger than people out there. :hug:
Amanda, if it hurts, it is a painful experience.
Lacking confidence *is* painful. Without confidence, you don’t ask for what you need or want, you don’t get recognition, you don’t do things that you think are worthwhile… so yes, it counts.
It is good to recognize that you’ve been blessed, but that doesn’t take away from the real pain that you have, just as the pain doesn’t negate the blessings.
The most painful thing I have ever had to experience to date is holding my mother’s hand while she passed from this life while listening to my father’s pain of loosing her. I will never forget that sound. This event is coupled with her funeral, I realized at that point that I was truly alone in this life and if I did not do something to change my outlook I would never change my outcome.
Some of my outcome has changed, still working on the outlook.
Not getting support in everything I do or for any decisions I make (despite that your family, relatives, and friends are fully aware that you are now in a major age) is the saddest and painful part in my life. They add more pain to my “injury” when they give me such a comments with sarcasm, that I do not even consider as a “feedback” for improvement. Instead, their comments make me feel being “smash/stump on the floor”. It is so sad that the loved ones, who give the support and confidence to me had passed away. At first, it made me feel like being left alone, isolated, and abandoned. Although, I am surviving because of my strong faith and hope that God is always there for me and my late loved ones are now my angels, who guide me to the right track and to keep on doing what I love doing. God bless them all and may they be eternally rest in peace. Amen.
I suppose for me and my family we’ve been getting over a painful period that happened seven years ago and has still rippled on to the present. After the death of my grandma the family fell apart. My uncle took the inheritance and gave it to a cult. My mom spent the next few years flying back and forth from US and Japan with a lawsuit but during that time the stress was eating at my mom. Her condition became worse to the point she became manic depressant. At times it was very painful due to her moodswings and for the most part it was starting to affect us all. Over the next few years until probably a few months ago we were getting better but unfortunately we didn’t have enough to pay for medication, and all hell broke loss. My mom had aggressive mood swings and started acting like she had the world in her pocket. She expected us to do things the way she wanted and when it didn’t or we tried to tell her how we felt she became self victiminzing. It got worse because she and my dad are trying to seperate but he can’t leave til he has a way of sustaining himself and a place. She would scream her head off when he tried to get her to understand and at times she would yell at him, me and my brother that if we didn’t like it we could just leave. Perhaps in her head she was divorced and no longer had any children. She’s in the hospital and getting better but after the last few months i don’t feel as comfortable around her
AAAAcck! Pain! This is a hard topic because, though I can easily identify the most painful experiences, I really don’t like to think about them.
One painful thing has led to another. We learned soon after we married that we would not be able to have children. That was hard to bear! Eventually we adopted a seven-year-old boy who had been in foster care because of abuse and neglect. It was painful to love someone who had been subjected to and damaged by his history; as loving parents WE were the ones who were criticized and attacked for his problems. Then he had a psychotic break when he was thirteen, and has been mentally ill ever since. It is very painful to love someone and see them suffer the way he does.
During his first “break”, he burned down our house. Losing it in the fire, and losing so many things we valued — pictures, books, my wedding dress, that sort of thing — was painful. Knowing that he did it was painful. Knowing he did it wilfully and spitefully, even though it was part of his illness, that was painful.
It is painful indeed to see him psychotic and suicidal.
It is painful that there are people who do not believe in mental illness and that he could be “well” if he chose to, and that there are people who reject him — and us — because of his condition.
If we had been able to have children, we probably would not have adopted him, and we would have been spared all of this pain.
I do not regret adopting him but I do regret all the things in his life that led to his needing an adoptive home and all of the pain he experienced and is still experiencing. I believe that if we had been able to have biological children, we would not have considered adoption.
I have a friend who also adopted older children; we talked tonight about how they are doing and how all of our kids, my boy and her girls, would be worse off if it weren’t for us.
I learned a lot from these painful experiences: that family love isn’t based on a biological connection; that I can make a big difference in other people’s lives; that I can use my bad experiences to help someone else in theirs; that loving someone else matters… I also learned to hold lightly to my possessions, while valuing them more … and because we saw the importance of the first few years of life, my husband and I became foster parents, providing a home for a total of 24 children before we gave that up.
Other painful things I’ve experienced: rejection, ridicule, fear, loss, betrayal … pretty much everything that is part of the human condition.
I found this question too confronting to write about in this forum. It has taken me many years to overcome the loss and I don’t want to talk about it.
Charles, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Thanks for letting us know though; it’s thoughtful of you to do that.
That is a most intensely private question. There have been too many things.
Some of your answers are bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you to those of you who have graciously shared your most painful experiences with us. You may not be aware of it, but the very act of sharing is not only a step towards your growth, but is also helping someone out there in his/her growth.
I have actually been doing this challenge in a physical journal. i haven’t been comfortable enough with my answers to share them openly. This question however strikes deep in my heart. I had an experience 2 years ago that was touched upon again the past month. I’ve decided to answer this question and actually share it with you because I feel it should be shared. It’s an important story from my life and I’m hoping others can learn from it without ever going through what I went through.
At the time, my community college campus was my haven. It was the safest and happiest place I could possibly be. I had not only built myself a close-knit community there but I had built myself a very close second family. Some of the friendships I’ve made on that campus will last the rest of my life. When others came onto the campus and trashed it or treated the people poorly, I took it personally. This was my home they were vandalizing, these were my people, my family, that they were hurting. I did everything in my power to contribute to the community and I did what I could to protect it.
They failed to return the favor.
It was 2 years ago, so I was 19 then and I can remember it clear as day. The school had issued an evacuation notice because an armed man was coming onto campus. I hurriedly packed my things and headed for my car, keys in hand. I wasn’t even halfway out of the building when the administration stopped me and said it safe. They had apprehended the man on the very edge of campus. So I sat in the student lounge with a friend and tried to recover my breath. It was an exciting few minutes and I’m glad nothing really came of it.
Then along came Chris. I had met Chris in the Strategy Club and he seemed a nice enough fellow. Former Navy guy, going back to school, soft-spoken, enjoyed playing games. Harmless right? Not a chance. I’m so glad I had my friend with me that day, and my camera. We got two pictures of Chris which I willingly handed over to campus security. For the first two weeks security and administration kept up communications with me about the situation. I had to talk with the Vice President of the school and I couldn’t walk anywhere on campus property alone. They said they would talk to Chris and then tell me of their decision.
It sounded like they were doing their job. Thing is, they never contacted me again and I ended up walking everywhere alone. No one would walk with me to class or my car. And Chris was still on campus. In fact, he changed his hang-out spot even after I reported him.
Chris was 40, 21 years my senior, but that didn’t stop him from stalking me for two weeks before the incident. He knew I had just come out of the hospital so I was extremely vulnerable and weak. The day of the evacuation notice the security office was empty. Security was elsewhere on campus for obvious reasons, so Chris got away with what he did. Overall, he got away with the entire thing because the school let him.
They obviously don’t care about molestation. They didn’t even ban him from that particular building. I changed where I hung out to keep myself safer, so Chris changed his as well, to be closer to my new spot. I told the administration he had done that and they didn’t do a thing. The school even said “Don’t file an official report.” I told them he was a repeat offender, he had done the same thing to another friend of mine. She was too scared to come forward officially but she did at least tell me.
The school did nothing to protect me. Chris was there the entire time I attended that college.
That was certainly the most painful thing in my entire life. I wasn’t in any physical pain, but I had been violated. I was hurt emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I fell apart for several months and it took almost a year to recover. I learned my friends weren’t friends at all, security was a lie, the administration truly was run by money and my sense of community was misplaced. When I needed my community, my family, they turned their backs on me. So I stepped up regardless. I made sure that every woman and young girl I crossed paths with knew exactly who Chris was. To the best of my knowledge no one else was hurt by him.
Good things did come out of this horrible experience however. It made me more aware of predators and their tactics. It made me bolder, cautious, braver and wiser. At my new community college I met a man named George. He seemed nice enough and was the first person I’d met who was willing to talk with me. During the course of three weeks I noticed things that bothered me. He reminded me an awful lot of Chris. He attempted to pry into my thoughts, squeeze info out of me, and he disrespected me too many times. He’d make fun of me or touch me even though I told him not to. He sat too close, avoided answering questions, talked about disturbing things and expected me to be okay with all of this.
I realized I was in a similar situation as I was with Chris. George also told me he was deeply attracted to me the day I met him. He knew I was 21 but he hid his age. I finally found out he was 30. The next day my Mother went with me to school. She told him to back off and then we went to security and boy howdy did they take it seriously! They filed an official report (they didn’t even give me an option not to), I wrote and signed a statement, and then they called me to update me on the situation. They identified George and five minutes after my Mother and I had left, someone else came in and filed a report for sexual harassment against the same guy!
I’ll know tomorrow what happens to him. He was given two choices: leave the girls alone or get kicked out of school and I’m personally fine with either solution. But my painful experience with Chris prepared me to identify similar or more subtle situations. My situation with Chris prepared me to identify and react properly to my situation with George. Now both of these situations will help me to handle future problems. While I consider my experience with Chris and a failing system of security of the most painful ordeal I have ever gone through, I also consider it a valuable lesson learned. I’ve read about how to identify predators and how to respond but those readings clearly landed on deaf ears. Those lessons hadn’t sunk in whereas personal, physical experience drove the points home.
Both situations were painful, but my experience with Chris is by far the worst thing I’ve ever gone through. I still hurt from it and I still question how I responded. I’m still deeply wounded by how the school handled it and how my friends threw me to the dogs. But I found a way to see some good in it and I know some good came out of it. I pray no one ever goes through what I did, but I know someone somewhere will. The nice part about knowing other people’s stories is knowing that you aren’t alone.
That’s why I shared this story today, so that you know you aren’t alone.
Hi Katherine, that’s quite scary. Especially that Chris was never picked up and nothing was done about it. But good to hear your new school has a better control over things.
I remember at my old work over 5 years ago, there was a guy there we ate lunch with. He was quite friendly, down to earth and we all got along well with him. He seemed quite smart too. A number of months after I’d left that job, one of my friends there got in touch and told me to check the local newspaper. Apparently the police went and picked the guy up from work for sexual assault. He used to ride his bicycle a long distance to work and apparently assaulted this girl on the way to work. Quite a shock because I got along really well with the guy. So sometimes you never know with these people. Best to stick with a larger group of friends you can trust whenever possible.
Thank you Glenn. When I do hang out at school I do it in densely populated areas. I’ve also chosen areas that are close to campus phones and the campus security offices. I’m sorry to hear about your former co-worker. I can imagine how that’d be a shock. I’m glad he was caught though.
I don’t have a large group of friends yet, but my Mom said that if this happened again we’d invest in a rather large German Shepherd. =)
my life has been full of painful things, but i have learnt from them all. I am writing a book about my life not because I am special or better than anyone else.
my book is about going back over your life and change your perspective on the negative and highlighting the positive.
when I was twelve my innocence was stolen, I had to learn in a moment how I was to survive I did it by knowing who I was and never letting anyone change parts of me that I valued no matter what
my whole life have given me an amazing understanding of myself and helped be to see myself as a whole person.
I have been blessed, by having that bumpy road, because I learnt to be so much more than I would have if I lived a life of smooth sailing.
Abandonment by my birth family, abuse by my adopted family. I ran away to the United States Navy where I was raped by a senior ranking serviceman. (Date Rape was unheard of then) A physically abusive first marriage, and verbal abusive second relationship by a man who beat my children. The pain is just now healing. I am in Therapy for the above issues. Better days are ahead.
My mother expired on 12th august 2011 and that was the most painful experience in my life.
It’s so sad to read about so many painful experiences, but I am glad that we can share and learn valuable lessons from these episodes. And take comfort in the knowledge that we are not alone.
The most painful episode in my life was an year back, when my granny had an iskemia attack( not sure if I spelt it right)- if not treated immediately, it can lead to irreversible paralytic attacks. My granny and I were alone in the house, with only a menial servant who was around to help with granny’s daily, physical routines. Incidentally, we were discussing my wedding plans, since we barely had a month left! Granny started to say something and without warning, her eyes rolled back and she collapsed like a rag doll. I can never forget those minutes when I was trying to revive her, feeling helpless and totally panicky. As the kid of the family, I have been sheltered and protected from most of life’s hard decisions, so I felt unequipped to handle the situation and neither did the servant.
People call it presence of mind, but i think it was God’s mercy that led me to run down to a local doctor, call my parents on the way and ask help from neighbors to help me out. And God’s hand was certainly present, for I found so many people to guide and help me. The doctor who quickly appraised the situation ( granny’s entire left sude was at the cusp of paralysis.) and called an ambulance, booking and IC room and bypassing the lengthy paperwork procedure. My neighbors who volunteered to give cash for the initial expenses, and their moral support for the 45 minutes till my parents to come home. My parents, who took the calls during imp govertment-level meetings and came rushing to my aid. Normally, they don’t even keep their phones on at such meetings. Our driver who broke all speed limits and road rules to get mom home, withiut getting any tickets. Even the security watchman who helped to guard our house, since I forgot where the house keys were kept, in my panic! The servant who packed an overnight case for granny and me, without any need for instructions.
My family thinks that it was my coordination and quick thinking that saved the day, but I am convinced it was a higher power working through me. Thankfully, all went fine after granny spent 3 days at the hospital. I did break out into a terrible rash all over my face, that had to be treated with painful rf therapy, but it was only because I was still scared that granny may not make it to the wedding. I would gladly go thru the pain another 1000 times, to help my loved ones.
But all’s well that ends well. This episode taught me 2 things:
1. Believe in God. if he gives you an ordeal, he will also give you the strength to go through it.
2. Do not sweat the small stuff. Esp. True for pampered kids from well to-do families like me, who do not really know of life’s struggles. There are worse things that can happen, so enjoy life’s little joys and appreciate your dear ones.
P.S: compared to some of the terrible things that others have experiencIed, I may sound like I am trivializing things. I am not, just sharing what was the biggest shock of my life.
Commenting for this post is closed.