This is question #11 of the Year End Countdown Challenge held in Dec 2012, where we count down to the new year with 13 reflective questions. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Welcome to Day 3 of the 2013 Countdown Challenge! :D
2013 Countdown, Question #11…
The questions for the 13-day, 13-question countdown so far:
- #13: How has your year of 2012 been? | 143 Comments | Post Your Response
- #12: What are 12 things you love about year 2012? | 84 Comments | Post Your Response
Today’s question, question #11, is:
What were your lowest points this year? Why?
Your Task
- Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
- Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
- Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers.
Look forward to reading your answers! :)
(After you are done, proceed to #10: What lessons have you learned from those low points?)
(Images: Field, Gloomy person)
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Witnessing two of my daughters going through tough times has been low points of my year. My eldest daughter has suffered terribly in her marriage and finally summoned up the strength to leave her husband this year. And my middle daughter has been unemployed for five months now and her self confidence is at an all time low. As a parent I definitely feel their pain.
As for me, the humiliating realisation that, due to ill health, I’ll never be able work again (in the sense of going out to work for an employer) has been something that I have been increasingly aware of all this year. This has big financial implications and huge self esteem issues.
Strangely though, all these low points could also be seen to be positive highlights of the year. My eldest daughter is now free to rebuild her life and live the way she chooses to live. My middle daughter is learning all about humility and is a far more compassionate person now. She is also more appreciative of odd day’s work that does come her way. She is more attuned to the injustices and suffering in the world and actively wants to do something to help. She is becoming more politicised.
As for me, the old Lottie is falling away and I have the opportunity to build a new Lottie, a new way of being.
For these reasons, tough as this year has been, I don’t think I would change it.
There was only one lowest point in my year. And that is not clearing the Joint Entrance Examination for admission to IITs. I agree, I did get through another presitigious examination, AIEEE for admission to NITs with a fairly good rank, but yet, my aim was for the IITs and not being able to secure a seat there was a HUGE disappointment. I had worked for two years to achieve this goad. I admit there might have been loopholes in my preparation but I did what best I could do and when I found out that it wasn’t good enough, I was angry at myself. As the days passed the feeling settled down and I felt better, but I’ll probably never forget this disappointment in my life.
1) The factory were my mom works has been going downhill for months, but this year it has caused way more stress in my family than ever before. Mom lost a lot of weight and we had to deal with a lot of expenses.
2) My grandmother developed breast cancer and she underwent surgery. Now she’s doing the required chemo-therapy. I and my parents hope she’ll completely recover.
Hi Lina
My own mother has been worrying about the security of her job for the past several years so i can definitely understand where you are coming from. I can imagine the type of stress your mom is under.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope everything turns out okay.
Thank you for the nice comment, Matt :) Hope the same for you, too.
What were your lowest points this year? Why?
The lowest points of the year for me was when I looked at the scale and saw I was 228 lbs. That’s the heaviest I’ve ever weighed. My skin also looked terrible because of my awful diet. It makes me feel unattractive and foolish for gaining back weight I had previously lost. In some ways it’s a good thing though. It really lit a fire under my ass and got me back to watching what I eat and also exercising again I just bought a kettlebell and the workouts are insanely tough but very fun. I am also now on the paleo diet which I have wanted to try for several months now.
Another low point was when I tried to get my mother and sister to patch up their relationship with each other. That blew up I my face and it seems that each is quite content to never speak to the other. This was a low point because it felt like I just need to accept that this is my family now and I don’t have the power to change it. I really wanted them to be close with each other. How they want to treat each other is completely out of my control so I now feel it’s pointless to focus on it. I will instead focus on making sure my relationship with each one of them is positive as much as I can.
Another low point for me was a couple of months where I just didn’t feel productive at all. I was procrastinating on a lot of things and I was simply not making any progress on any of my goals. I tried for a long time to figure out what the issue was but I couldn’t find it and it was extremely frustrating. I’m still not sure if I found the root cause of the issue. I have found though that by waking up early to get a rigorous exercise and eating a healthy breakfast really charges me up and allows me to work on goals like my blog and others. I think I have found that exercise and a balanced meal in the morning could very well be one of the highest leverage things I can do to all day.
Even though all these low points really stung I am glad I have at least found ways of turning them around into some form of positive change.
My lowest point this year was stooping to someone else’s level, and becoming a liar like they are (if even for a moment). I pride myself on being an honest person, so for me to degrade myself in such a way was truly humiliating. I learned so much about myself at that point in my life, and I can honestly say I grew from that situation.
I also allowed myself to fall too deep in love without making sure the recipient would be able to catch me. They say it’s better to have love and lost then never to have loved at all… But if you never loved, then you wouldn’t know the pain it can sometimes (a lot of the time) bring. Granted, you wouldn’t know the joy, but I feel the pain is unbearable at times. I do feel that God won’t make me endure more than I can handle, so I can only take the pain and know he has a better plan ahead for me. Joy wouldn’t feel so good if it weren’t for the pain right? #BringIt
I’m glad you managed to look back at the lying incident and learn from it. Hope you’re not feeling too bad about yourself – we’re only human and occasionally slip! Self-control comes with practice, gets stronger with every mistake :)
Falling too deep in love too quick can be dangerous (as I’ve learned over and over again!) If the pain feels unbearable, maybe you’re being too dependant on others? It is quite hard to have a happy relationship without loving yourself first and being okay on your own. Kind of a paradox! I’m only learning to come to grips with this myself and it’s been very very hard, so I know it’s easier said than done. Again, it gets easier with experience!
2012 has not been as bad as previous years but my handling of stressful situations needs work I think.
I was unable to do things correctly, which I supposed to do.
Also I was not able to learn the new technique as fast as it is required for me to go up with my job.
It never happened with me before… I don’t know what’s wrong or what went wrong…. Felt like m loosing ma grip over the things… Downed the confidence a bit and the bad thing is I know all of it but I can’t figure out how to come out of the clouds and fly high again…
Lowest point for me was when I strained my knee exercising and did not have enough sleep. Eat one meal a day and thought that I could save money and stay trim. :(
Lack of sleep, no exercise, not eating well, as a result, I almost fainted whilst having an accountability session with my buddy. :cry: That was the scariest time I had. Fortunately, my buddy brought me to the Clinic and after a jab, I recovered. :D
When I could not jog like I used to do so regularly, my energy deplete and I escaped into unproductive activities like playing too long on computer games. A form of self-sabotage and sometimes telling myself that at least I am at home, my children don’t have to worry about me, since I don’t have a lover or partner after my divorce, I don’t like drama movies or TV show. it is a healthier game to have fun and chill after all the hardwork. I also realised that I enjoyed the players’ supportive and engaging in helping one another in the game :hug: When I encounter with once or twice unsupportive players, all I had to do is get out of the game. I have a choice and it is safe. That was my self-dialogue.
The freedom to choose is most important to me.
Like all activities, there are things to learn and things that may not be good when I do not balance.
Many times I would reflect and understand why children get into games and what would they learn from these interactions. These were important lessons and key points as I work with parents and teenagers. Getting into their world is a form of connecting with them and understanding them. The good thing is, I am not operating from fear. When I used to operate from fear, I would control :( what they do, thinking I am protecting them. There was a sense of peace knowing why people engaged into virtual games.
Of course, the flip side is, games can be addictive. Like watching drama TV shows too. Like eating excessively. :(
Anyway, I have stop judging myself and live in the moment. At the same time, I am aware of what is working and what is not. Lesson here is ‘balance’. :D
Hi Dolly! It’s Matt from the PI course.
Sorry to hear about your fainting session. I have tried starving myself to loose weight too though I never had the same negative effects as you. Starving yourself is completely unproductive. I have recently begun the paleo diet and I lost three pounds within my first week. It’s not right for everyone and your results could be different. It’s working out well for me though so you might want to give it a look if you haven’t already.
You are definitely right that video games can be very addictive. I rarely play games myself but I am aware of what is available to those who do play them. Just recently I overheard two coworkers speaking about a video game they both played. They went into great detail about their strategies for playing as well as the progress they were making in the game. It became quite apparent that they were likely spending many hours each day playing the game. When I overheard them speaking all I could think was that if they stopped playing video games and focused that same effort on some other aspect of their lives they could do just about anything.
I think the addictive quality of video games comes from the fact that you get instant gratification from them. You put in very little effort for a quick reward. When you do something in a video game you see immediate progress whether it’s achieving a new score or defeating a boss. On the other hand it can be hard for someone to go from playing video games to focusing on more productive goals like studying, exercising, learning a musical instrument, etc. With most goals in life it may take weeks, months, or even years of effort before you really begin to see real progress in something. On the other hand video games give the player very quick gratification for achieving a goal.
Hi Matt, I missed your reply.
Thanks for your comments. I don’t have weight problem. I have life style problem. Sleeping late and getting up late as well.
How are you doing with your progress after PI?
Cheers!! A Very Happy New Year 2013 to you! :D
I’m answering this technically on the 12th day, because tomorrow is a day of celebration, and, hey, it’s the 11th day somewhere, right?
My lowest points this year were of two kinds:
1. When I was lonely – I’m dating V, but he only just got divorced, and I have been single for awhile. Not just single, but actively and conscientiously exploring what marriage means. Sometimes my yearning for a solid marriage overcomes me, especially when I’m tired, or wake in the night. He and I have been friends for years, and he knows that I want marriage … It’s a slow dance. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
2. When I question my ability. I only just graduated college in 2009. And I only started working full-time in 2011. Now I’m in a startup! I’ve been poor most of my life, and I still have a lot of credit card and school debt. I get scared that I’ll wind up hungry, cold, alone. I need to remind myself of all that I have accomplished, and that I AM capable, and that I am loved. Getting enough rest, exercise, and time with my family really helps!
Hi Susan
I must give you credit in life struggle, is not easy been you. But I really want to
Employ you to do more in 2013, Better hope ahead
Losing 3 close family members
Having someone leave me
Making a poor choice drinking and driving.
Ouch – JP, you have certainly had a tough year. I liked the succinct way you put it. No hiding these things in flowery words and descriptions. And you were very honest about owning up to your drinking and driving.
I hope you have a better time in 2013.
Horrible event which I am still worried is the day, my son was suspected to have some neurological disorder. I hated my entire life.
I’m very sorry to read about that. I can definitely understand why such an event would cause those feelings. I hope everything turns out okay for you and your son.
Thank you! It was suspected but after many analysis it is confirmed that he is totally perfect. Till now, he is completely normal and I am very grateful to god and have high belief that he will be perfectly alright throughout his life and going to rock! :)
2012 was when I had to look into myself as a mother. I found out my angelic 15 year old daughter was lying through her teeth regarding her grades. She had very badly at school. As an Indian mother – it was a shock! Grade X is considered very important in India.
i
I was left wondering and questioning – How had I failed as a mother? How could my daughter lie me – repeatedly. And how come I did not catch it? It has been very very painful. I questioned myself as a human being and as a mother. If children modelled their mother – then I was a very bad one!
Thanks
Don’t beat yourself up, we did our best with what we know. We are not bad, just learning to do better. Give yourself a pat on the back for all the good things you have done. Cheers!
My lowest point this year was the the lowest point in my life.
On October 21st, 2012 a Sunday evening on the Big Island of Hawaii, My Father Miles T. Nakanishi, his wife my Step-Mom, my Step-Granny, 7 Year Old Nephew & 9 Year Old Niece was coming back from my other Niece’s Birthday Party. They were hit head on by a pickup truck who crossed the center line on a bridge, and hit the SUV carrying my Family head on.
My Beloved Father who was an amazing, outstanding person was killed instantly at 61 years old.
The everyone else sustained very serious injuries and the 2 children had to be medevaced to the Children’s Hospital & Trauma Hospital in Honolulu, Oahu. They are all home now, still healing from injuries, trying to move forward.
My Family & I had been looking foward to an upcoming trip we had planned for the following weekend (we live on a neighbor island Maui) to fly there for daughter’s Birthday, spend time with my Dad & extended family. It was surreal, like a nightmare.
All the Family, Friends, & the entire Community of Hilo was devastated, shocked, & saddened by the loss. There was a huge outpouring of support for our family, and so much love & graditiude expressed for My Dad, It was a testament to the amaziing life he led, all the people his life touched in a positive way, what huge impact his life made to everyone who encountered him.
I am Forever Blessed to be His Daughter :heart: & we came up with a phrase in celebration & rememerance of him :angel: ~ LiveLikeMiles …. ~ LLM ~ :angel:
November 28th, when my daughter try to commit suicide and I was told my hours at work will be cut as of January
Wow, how terrible. I pray that next year brings peace and gain for you!
My lowest points were when I got upset, depressed or down on myself about temporary situations that seemed so overwhelming and great in that moment. And, when I let fear make me indecisive and stagnant toward resolutions. They were low points because I was turning on myself from the inside out. A part of myself was ashamed that I was doing that to myself. I didn’t think that I was a negative person. During this year, I had moments that showed me how negative I can be about myself. If I was talking to a friend or family member I would have been kinder, more understanding, willing to brain storm resolutions and assist with action. I am a better friend to others than I am to myself.
– experienced my first relationship break-up with my girlfriend of two years because I felt that I have lost a part of me and months after that just seems so depressing without her by my side anymore (also discovered that she maybe cheated on me and maybe the reason she broke up with me is just to get together with the new guy)
– my close friends started getting jobs and a living for themselves because I still don’t have a career (graduated on May 2010) and a direction in life (I have a vision but I’m scared to take action). It’s like I am overwhelmed by the things I need to upgrade myself and have fear of rejections/failure
Losing both my aunt and grandma in less than half a year. A major regret is I’ve never cherished the moments I had with my grandparents when I was younger and I was not able to say goodbye to all four of them. But I’m glad I made it back to visit my grandma before she left us.
Serious hair fall and breakouts which battered my confidence greatly because I have rarely seen a pimple on my face in the past. It completely freaked me out.
Gotten entangled in the soul-searching activities to living a life purpose not defined earlier. (I’ve since sorted this out)
Low points: Compared to some of the amazingly difficult situations above, I’ve been lucky to have no major upheavals this year.
Reflecting on it though, some things which have got me down is when I’ve been disappointed in myself and felt I’ve let people down in my personal and professional life, issues with my hormones have been really worrying and scary, but I think I’ve found ways to resolve this now. Finding out a good childhood friend has cancer and isn’t going to get better has been hard to deal with, and missing my family and feeling guilty for choosing to live so far from home has been an issue on and off. But I focus on the now and try not to dwell on things too much, so there haven’t been any really dark periods like I’ve had in the past.
Hi Beth
I can relate to the feeling that you may have disappointed others. I have often felt like that. I have found more and more that these feelings very often have no basis in reality. I find that I am usually just projecting my feelings onto other and they don’t feel that way at all. Also even if somebody was genuinely disappointed in me that is completely out of my control and it’s pointless to focus on.
Your situation may be different from mine though. Realizing these things has definitely helped me and I just thought I would share in case it may help you.
My lowest point this 2012 lies on my inability of not accepting the fact that I can still feel love and have affection on any man. Have been hurt, I Ended up in masturbation which till today, I hated so bad. I only pray for the Almighty to come to my aid.
I also feel the same as you. I have been hurt by my ex-girlfriend who I thought will be “the one”. After that, it’s like my perspective about love has changed and I can’t bring myself to have affections with other women.
J T
Am happy saying it out, am happy crying over all of it, cos I really want to end it.
Have tried, I want to move on, it seems to be had. I hate to masturbate.
Am still hoping in God…
I’m hoping the best for both of us next year
Nothing wrong with masturbating… It’s completely natural. You have physical urges and needs that must be fulfilled. If there’s no one around to help out… well… make yourself happy :)
Seriously people, this is not the middle ages. Masturbation is not “impure”, “wrong”, “dirty” or whatever. It will not “make you blind”, and it isn’t “unhealthy”. (Unless maybe you do nothing else all day. Then maybe you have a problem.)
There’s nothing to “hate” about it.
That’s like saying you hate to drink if you’re thirsty. Or hate to eat when you’re starving… Okay maybe that’s a bit extreme, you don’t need to masturbate to survive, but you get the gist.
Your body has urges and I think we need to get over the fact that these are things we can’t switch on and off at will and it’s problematic if we think that reactions to these urges that aren’t harming anyone else in the process are in some way bad.
My lowest points of the year were honestly the beginning of 2012. To start things off I had problems with my truck where the transmission went out. Unlucky for me it was just after I had given my mother a large gift and didn’t have the money for repairs. Lucky for me though I had a now good friend step in and help out. I think he was inspired by the other event of my year. In a nutshell I was dumped by my wife of three years, who decided to start the year split up and would in a few months file for divorce. It was a very painful time for me. Things just didn’t mesh well, and I found myself really on the edge of disaster. :cry: My work suffered, my home was in shambles, and if not for my dog I doubt I would be the person I am alive today. Just a serious low point in my now 35 years on this planet.
Sometimes things turn worse before they get better.. Keep the hopes up and alive~
All the best to you in the coming 2013!
Hi every one
the lowest point of 2012 was my education . I am student of ACCA which pvt organisation . . If take so they want mony if i take pepar to complet my course i need mony for that . What happen to me my father give us land equaly and my brothers who are elder than me are not with me . I am indipended in my lose and gain. i have my land from which i get incom and i want to sold that land for my study but unfortunatly it was not sold yet and nor i get income from it just because i am in city where i take classes and my land was with my brothers . that was the reason i start marketing where fail because that was not recognis compny and wast my time and strenth there . I leave that compny after some months
My lowest point this year was when my dear mother went home to be with the Lord. Although it was a blessing that she is free from pain and suffering it still was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to endure.
So sad to hear about your mother. It makes me remind to love and cherish more the important people around me, especially my mother.
I am sorry for you loss Honey … May God Bless You :heart:
Sorry for your loss :( Wishing you strength and hope in difficult times.
I have had a rocky relationship with my girl friend for the past 3 1/2 years. We just cannot seem to get things together and were not willing to give up on it completely. We dated. Lived together. Lived separately. Asked her to marry me twice. She said yes once and that lasted about a week. I asked her what she wanted from me and her answer was she wanted me to let her run my business. I cannot do that. She does not like the people that work for me. She does not like the people who service my business. She does not like my general manager. She does not know anything about my business. I said “no” knowing that this would end our relationship and it did. She tied to say she was just kidding but I knew she was not. I guess it was the realization that she did not really love me that hurt the worst. Love is blind and sometimes I think it is dumb, deaf and blind, at least it was in my case. I love this women but no matter how much I love her, I cannot ever let her run my business. Im still getting over this. Love is a drug and I was hooked just like the alcoholic and I needed my fix. The withdrawals are the same as coming off of coke or something I guess, I’ve never did drugs but the pain and the withdrawal is the same I am told. I never felt this much pain before because perhaps I have never loved someone so much before.
Tom Y.
Hey Tom, I can’t comment on your relationship as I don’t know you and neither do I know your girlfriend, but I know that true, unconditional, authentic love is capable of only love, not fear, angst, resignation, anxiety, negativity, or the emotions you seem to be describing. You seem to be describing a lot of pain (and unhappiness) in your relationship which is always a red flag, a signal to take note. If you are having more negative moments than positive moments in your relationship, perhaps it’s time to review if this is truly someone you want to be with or simply someone you are staying with out of fear of not being with her.
This may help: Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From a Relationship
PS: I’m not saying that you should leave your girlfriend; I’m only inviting you to review the situation against the signs shared in the article. Hope it helps!
I was in a similar relationship for 2 1/2 years and it totally was not worth it. At some stage I had to realise that true love can not be meant to hurt this much and as Celes says, if there’s more negative than positive, it’s a bad sign.
I was always hoping that by things I said or did, I could improve the situation, but after 2 1/2 years I had to accept that nothing I did was changing a thing, that I was killing myself trying and putting my health and sanity on line. I was becoming a shadow of my former self I cried more than ever and was sicker than ever before. I contracted an eating disorder and multiple bladder infections because I was under so much strain.
Love does not hurt. Obviously there are rocky times, but if those times are the norm maybe it’s time to think a relationship over, even if you do “love” each other, and don’t want to give up. Obviously there are times when we hurt or disappoint each other, but those times shouldn’t be characteristic for the relationship, they should be exceptions.
Love makes you feel good, makes you feel safe, makes you feel at home.
No one can make your decisions for you, and I don’t know enough about your relationship to be able to make any suggestions, but those are my two cents, based on my own experience.
For 2 1/2 years I was fighting a losing battle and destroying my happiness and health. It was not worth it. I’m now in a relationship with a wonderful person (for 2 years) and it’s the complete opposite of everything my old relationship was. When I have nowhere else to turn I know this person will keep me safe emotionally, will heal my hurts and be kind to me and love me for who I am. In my old relationship I just felt the ground was constantly being ripped out from under my feet, there was no emotional stability whatsoever. Now I know who is there for me when I need him.
When I come home after a horrible day and he puts his arms around me, my heart comes home. I am safe. I feel loved.
In my opinion, if it constantly hurts, scares you, worries you and is a constant drain on your resources, with little positive payback, it’s not love. It is a sickness.
Oh gosh, there were so many! Most of them had to do with people, especially romantic relationships, but also financial issues and a general loss of direction during summer.
I cried a lot over being basically homeless for a few months (I stayed with my bf at the time) and seeing how little my university could do or how little the bureaucratic loan system cared.
I did not get along with my bf’s housemates and did not have close friends other than my bf, causing me to rely on him too much, expect too much of him and eventually breaking up in October. Although, there were many differences between us and we weren’t really right for each other anyway.
I did not manage to accomplish much over the summer. I could have read books or improved my cooking but I was too depressed for that. Even when I went volunteering at farms, my inspiration faded quickly and I did not get the most out of it. I’d say the previously listed points were the cause – I had too much to deal with to be motivated.
Now, all of these issues have been solved now. I live with people who I love a lot, I have rediscovered my passion and am actively pursuing that.
There is still one incident left. Meeting someone I thought I would have the most amazing connection with, someone who seemed to share my values and my eagerness to do great things. Someone I thought felt the same about me. And then – he backed out, said he didn’t have time for a relationship! Indeed, he hasn’t been to any of the activist events he said he wanted to go to, I have rarely seen him, haven’t had much chance to talk to him. I also feel he isn’t all that interested in me. I don’t know if my perceptions of people are completely false and if I can even trust my judgement anymore! When it comes to relationships, it seems I *always* overestimate people…
Or maybe he’s simply overwhelmed with work, possibly stressed, maybe in a different situation it would have been just what I thought it would be. I can’t find any fault in him as a person, can’t find anything where I could say we weren’t right for each other anyway. It seems so right, I still believe he is who he seemed to be and that he’ll sort out his time issues and things will be fine. But that seems more and more unlikely…
Oh well, gotta stick to people who do stand for the same causes and don’t just say they do. I don’t need a personal relationship with people I fight alongside with. Meanwhile, I can have close friendships with people who aren’t activists. Cannot have it all! In the end, I’ll always have myself and myself is the only one I’ll always have :hug:
Difficulty in adapting to new home, continuous problems with Utility companies, the Internet provider continually saying that the line worked fine, until one month later we engaged another company who the wires were cut in the pipes – this took quite a lot of sorting out. Arriving to new home in the night to find beepers for entrance gates doesn’t work. Finding that the company who sold us the home hasn’t passed our details on to electricity company so no power or light for 24hours plus. Kind neighbor lent us some candles. Waiting over two months for kitchen to arrive. Bank mysteriously losing a cheque… and then finding it.
These are just a few.
hi bob
1st of all i will say that your why of talking is very nice and you are enjoy every moment of your life if it is UP or DOWN you are able to face it
2nd why we face problem because we had no experince about that and when we do a mistake we get experince
3rd do 10 mistake in a day but never repeat 1 of them next day .
This is going to sound really depressing, but my year was like constant low points. I was in a really bad relationship which started in 2011 but continued the whole of 2012, where my ex would break up with me almost every week and would be very emotionally abusive which destroyed my self esteem. I felt like I was a horrible person because all the things I tried to do to fix our relationship and improve myself would never be enough. I got to the stage where I based my self-worth on what he said about me and what I thought he thought about me. When I see him he still has a lot of the same power over me. So this year I cried A LOT. It was pretty awful and because I live in a foreign country my family and friends didn’t know what I was going through. I didn’t tell them, because I didn’t want them to worry about me.
But as outlined in my day 13 post, every cloud has a silver lining :)
Here is something I read just today, and I hope you will start to believe this.
“You don’t need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept YOU completely.”
Thanks Ken – that’s a great quote – and so true! I just need to close the gap now between knowledge and action :)
Hi, I was in a similar situation, relationship wise, several years ago. I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel but I understand. Please don’t close yourself off from love. I know that after being in a relationship with someone that points out real or imagine negative things about you it is hard to let someone else in. This person was a frog that is bringing you closer to your Prince. When you begin to question yourself or shrink back from life, stop, take a moment to realize the root of your feelings and thoughts. If they do not come from a core place of self-love and resilience let it go and move forward. It is not going to be easy especially after being emotionally beat down. I know that you can do it because something wonderfully fantastic is waiting for you.
Thanks for the advice Kenya – it’s really appreciated :)
Sounds like you had a horrible time, and though my ex-boyfriend didn’t do it on purpose (I hope), I went through a 2 1/2 year, emotionally crushing relationship before finally admitting to myself that nothing I did or said could ever make us work and I gave up on it. Or maybe not “gave up”, but “let go”. It was never going to work and I was killing myself trying. It was a highly emotionally unstable relationship and somehow my boyfriend always managed to do or say something in situations where I was happy for a moment to bring me crashing down. I began to dread to negative as soon as I even began to feel happy. It was horrible, and like you, I felt I’d cried more in that year than in my entire life.
I was breaking and I felt I was slowly going mad. I was totally not myself anymore and I loathed the “weak” person I had become. (I think I’m stronger than I give myself credit for, especially for putting up with all that crap, but at that time I really just felt like a total failure.)
In the end I managed to free myself and got the guts up to try for a relationship with someone who I’d been in love with for the past 2 1/2 years, but that I’d put aside, thinking it couldn’t work for various reasons. Turns out, he’d been just as in love as me and no we’ve just celebrated our second anniversary and we’re very happy together.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t give up on love, no matter who hurt you. You can find the right person and they will be good to you. And you will be happy. You deserve to be.
Wow Ffion you pretty much described everything I’ve felt in my relationship. The part about feeling “weak” is particularly spot-on. I started to despise myself as I always considered myself an independent person before – and I felt like I’d really let myself down.
So nice to hear you’re finally happy :). Here’s to bigger and better things for me too!
I really hope things turn out for the best for you.
Yes, that was one of the worst parts. :(
The selfloathing got terribly bad, because I became so emotionally unstable, that even the smallest negative thing was enough to break me down and make me burst into tears, as I was constantly on edge. Even non relationship related things.
I felt like the biggest weakling on earth. And I hated the sick sorry creature I felt I’d become…
Hated myself. Felt betrayed by myself.
Another bad thing was that I was lying to myself. My gut and body were screaming, “I don’t want this, this makes me feel bad, I don’t want this”, whereas my head was overriding this with “I’m happy really. It’s a good relationship. It just needs some work. I just need to try harder.” I was totally undermining my trust in my own body, because some part of me was certain from the very beginning, that this was not what I wanted, and it was absolutely right. And I tried to convince it otherwise.
Learn to trust your gut, it’s nuch smarter than we give it credit for :(
Finally I came to the conclusion that love should never ever make you feel like that, and getting into a new relationship has shown me that I was exactly right. Love makes you feel good. Sure, there’s ups and downs, but overall love for me should be a safe haven, a place where your heart feels it’s home. Never a constant hell hole of torture.
Wishing you all the best in getting out of the pits of darkness of the human mind if you felt like me. It takes a while, but it gets better :) Don’t give up on love, it’s still there. And it’s a beautiful thing.
You are not weak, you are incredibly strong for putting up with so much crap for so long. And for working so hard to make things right. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a wonderful strong person, and you deserve to be happy.
Hope you have a great year 2013.
You are an angel Ffion, Obviously I’m so sorry you went through what you did, but it’s very comforting to hear someone express pretty much exactly all the ways I felt. I was the same – my gut was like no no no no this is horrible, it’ll never work – but I overrode it with the exact same thinking. I think you’re right about our guts. This is the second of two serious relationships where I ignored my gut (the first one was for less serious reasons) and in both cases I let the relationships continue for a year longer than they should have lasted.
Thank you for your words. It’s much more empowering to say “I was strong for loving someone with all my heart and for trying so hard” than “I was weak and pathetic for staying”.
Have an absolutely wonderful Christmas and New Year. I know your 2013 will be fantastic! :) :hug:
All in all, I think it has made a stronger person. I am more aware of when something is making me unhappy and am less willing to tolerate this discomfort over extended periods of time. It has made me appreciate my next relationship so much more, because I know how it was before. I think I am a lot more grateful for my relationship than I would have been otherwise.
I’m glad I was able to give you some comfort. :)
Yes, I think our bodies are often much smarter than our head. If something is making us physically ill it’s probably not the right thing and we would do well not to try and ignore it. I contracted multiple bladder infections, genral weak health and an eating disorder during this time and felt constantly exhausted and fatigued because I was so messed up and my mind was in a constant negative spiral. I went to multiple doctors but all my values were brilliant, but I still felt terrible. Only one doctor finally asked me “are you depressed””. And all I could say was “I don’t know”… but inside I just wanted to burst into tears.
Never think you were weak for staying. You weren’t. One thing that gave me comfort after the breakup was some lyrics from the Rise Against song “This is letting go”
Go on alone, ’cause I won’t follow
This isn’t giving up, no this is letting go
I made most of all this sorrow
I tried to brave this discontent, but now I’m through
I’m letting go of you.
You are not weak for having stayed or a failure for having let go of something that wasn’t working and that was hurting you. You were strong for trying and very very brave.
I’m wishing you all the best for 2013 :) Keep your head up girl :)
My lowest points?
1. My first job dealt with exactly the sort of thing that scared me the most. But I jumped right into it anyway for several reasons. At the beginning it drained me because it had me battling my fear on a daily basis. Then I got better at it until with a simple shift of my mindset I could put my fear aside. But no matter what, I could still feel it lurking in the background. When we were required to step it up a notch I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was unhappy, desperate for some other job and all the stress led to me discontinuing all of my newly acquired healthy habits. It was a low for me because I took on more than I could swallow and ended up going back to square one.
2. Then there was trouble in my current (2nd) job which by the way, is more in line with my creative tendencies. But there were so many things happening/ not happening all at once. Time was a major issue. Because of work, I couldn’t seem to get enough time to eat properly, take care of my finances at the bank, check myself up when I thought I was seriously ill, get back to meditation, do the house chores, celebrate my birthday with both my parents for the first time after their 9 yr separation. I was furious at myself for letting work take first priority instead of my life!! I was having a hard time dealing with my boss too as we were college mates before this and didnt know how to balance a work-relationship as well.
That said, thanks to the first bit of trouble, I grew quite strong. Although the fear is still there, its effect on me has been greatly reduced.
Also, recently I managed, after trying several times, to get things back in order. Its going slowly cuz I know now too much all at once is never a good thing. My work-relationship is steadily improving as well. In fact, instead of looking at it all as blocks, I thought of it as the Universe trying to push me to face issues and transform. And transform I did. :)
I will never be able to forget March 2012. We have lost our father that month :cry: . This is the lowest point for me not only for 2012 but for the life time :(. We love you papa no matter you are not with us now but you will be ever in our hearts and prayers. May God bless you ever :angel:
I’m so sorry for your loss Clara :(. I hope you can start to move on soon.
m grateful of your undestanding Helen ! we (me n my siblings) are learning to live without parents’ shelter as papa was our strength after mama :(
All the best to you, Clara and your siblings~ You CAN do it!
God Bless You & Your Family ….. Families are Forever :heart:
My heart goes out to you and your family. Wishing you strength to carry on through these rough times.
1: Being written up to the ethics committee by three of my employees. Over an email that was taken completely out of context. Granted if you never met me, and you just received this email it may have sounded threatening. (That is stretching the word may have as well). But they did this because we have an anti-retaliation policy at work. And we recently had a round of layoffs at work. They did this so any future layoffs, they can use this as an excuse to be safe from getting laid off. Because they can claim i’m retaliating against them. Even after this, our company passes out an anonymous survey to everyone in the company to assess the company in general, our senior management, and direct manager. And guess what, I still scored one of the highest in my department.
This incident really hurt because my boss just said he has to write me up because it’s policy. He didn’t stand up and say no this was taken completely out of context and stand up for me to begin with. He did say not to worry about anything else happen while I’m on probation, but the more I thought about it, I could not believe my boss would even agree with HR and still mark that in my records.
Now at work I have to be someone I’m not. I have to be politically correct, and walk on egg shells. That’s what I did at home with my ex-wife for years. I always thought I had work to escape to be myself. Be the professional employee that I am. At least my divorce is over with and my ex is not with me. Now at home I can be myself. do what I want to do. No more walking on eggshells at home. (Just need to watch the poop my cat might leave once in a while on the floor….).
2: Letting my broken marriage/relationship go on for so long. But I honestly think I had to do this to really find out that she was not the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. This was the second time around for the divorce with her, but this time it actually got filed with the courts. It was also to the point where I had to move out because she was becoming violent at home during our heated fights. The lowest point for this is to find out the person who “loved” you would go this far in holding in her anger and actually lash out physically and verbally. Only to hear her say a few days later that she was just mad and could not control her anger. You think you know a person after 20+ years….
3: Small health scare I had and the two weeks or so I was sitting there thinking this is what it has come down to. Earlier in the year I started to eat right, go to the gym, lost weight, and now it could be liver failure, or leukemia… During that time I was like why did I even try to get healthy? But after finding out it was not bad, (although they still do not know why my blood test results are like this) I have come to learn to live and enjoy the present. Not to worry about the what if’s. And most importantly not to worry about what could have been done. This has also worked with recovering from my failed marriage life. I would think about all these what if I did this or did that. But now I realized, as long as those past days, weeks, months, etc. as long as I did everything that I felt was right, then there is no what if I did this or that. Yes I’m not 100% perfect, but the past year I did try to change to be a husband that any woman could be proud of. But the fact was my ex didn’t appreciate it, and she thought of all these changes had a negative intent behind it. Not that I was improving myself, but changing to be attractive to another person. I was only trying to be a better “ME”. It wasn’t for someone else. To be honest, it wasn’t for my wife either. It was just to be a better “ME”, and I thought my wife would appreciate, be happy for me, etc.
Looks like this year has been tough on you.
I really hope things go well for you in 2013.
JIAYOU! (Mandarin: Press on!)
Everything happens for a reason.
Xie Xie. :)
I can imagine how tough is can be to be walking on egg shells. :( The best thing here is you are working on being a better ‘ME’. Congratulations! We don’t need approval from others. I realized that loving ourselves is the best thing about life so that we could love others. I learned from Dr Wayne Dyer this quote: ‘For anything to change it begins with me.’ and since then I have found it to be a process of self-discovery to self-empowerment. Wish you great journey ahead, Cheers! :clap: Ken
Sounds rough. Wishing you a better year for 2013!
Lowest entry point this year is simple,
1) Getting played out by trusted associate and suppliers in business deals, making me take ruthless decision which I have wish I have done it earlier. Personally now, I am wary of dealing with people who keep changing their personnel in the company in dealing with my accounts as it shows their insincerity to keep their customer happy and be genuine.
2) Lost temporarily the ability to walk (was in crutches) for close to 3 months and for 30 minutes no one help to pick me up lying in drain, and by stander looking at me like am stranger even I was limping to my car. This reminds me of lack of apathy of local people and it bears in my mind that people can be so heartless.
3) Cant celebrate my birthday due to the same reason (2) above. As my fell day is 1 day before my birthday. So will be holding a cake next year beforehand to ensure I do not get into same predicament and there is always anniversary to celebrate 1 day before my birthday or a memorial. :)
Having said lowest points, I always think there is strong positives to learn from bad predicaments, building a strong character and learning true value of genuine person. More important is that I have figured out not to fall into same route and pick myself up again after incredible incident.
My sympathies to you Elton, it sounds like you had a raw time with your leg, not everybody is callous. There are plenty of good people here.
I know someone who gives people a hard time before they give them their full trust, it makes both parties more vigilant and demanding at each different stage. Anyway, in percentage terms there are always good and bad people, just like people who pay – some pay on time, some pay late, others never pay. It is good to see where people fit along the spectrum and see how you can go towards what you want.
Elton
My dear, you can still celebrate your BD no matter your condition. C’mon, you are still better than the dead much hope ahead of us.
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