This is Day 20 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 20 of 21DJC! :) We now have 1 day left till the end of the challenge!
Yesterday’s question was: “What Words Best Describe You?“. (Read the responses.)
Here are some beautiful answers from our participants:
““Honest” and “Jolly” are the two words which describe me the best. Being Honest to myself and to the world gives me a satisfaction from deep inside. :) It really feels great to be Honest. :) As my nature is very jolly, I get mix with everyone….most of them always tells me that “you are a jolly and lovable person”. Obviously being lovable makes me proud of myself. :) ” — Kamal
“This one is easy- my word would be Sunshine Kid, because that is my nickname! There are other words, too like charming, optimistic, smiling, smart-worker! But nothing comes close like my nickname.” — Anu
“Forgiving and unconditional acceptance. I always try to see the soul people rather than what they look like. I tend to read the heart. Creative and eccentric. I want to be memorable, if only to myself.” — Mary Jane Hoover
“Creative. Positive. Imaginative. Caring. Optimistic. Individualistic. Compassionate. Sincere. Thankful. Artistic. Mindful. Honest. Understanding. Loyal. Smart. Original. Thoughtful. Alive. Clean. Respectful. Visual. Geeky. Appreciative. Empowered. Musical. Loving. Pesty. Inspired. Tall. Caucasian. Male. Inquisitive.” — Glenn
“If I could pick a few words that I think describe me, I would choose:Patient, Honest, Optimistic, Creative, and Loving.” — Kimberly
“Godly, Christian, cerebral, analytical, spiritual, curious, philosophical, responsible, loving, organized (wasn’t always ), deep-thinking, caring, adventurous, trusting (too trusting), tired, happy, positive, strict, kind/generous, forgetful, anxious, semi-jaded, reliable, humorous, exacting, not into following rules and norms.” — J
“Observant, intuitive, adventuresome, playful, dreamer, lover, mostly happy, always seeking to experience more of everything.” — Charles
“Integrity, discipline, loving, honest, optimistic, adventurous, trusting, reliable, organized, self-expressive” — Aparna
“Positive. Appreciative. Compassionate. Considerate. Helpful. Caring. Philosophical. Spiritual. Dreamer. Dependable. Responsible. Have a sense of humor. Quiet. Shy. Friendly. Adventurous. Makes hasty decision sometimes. Cannot stand people who will not put in an extra effort in whatever they’re doing. Neatness freak.” — Asni
“”Restless until its done” are the words that describes me. I am one person that will never go to sleep before i get whatever i have to do, completed. I am like a child that will never stop nagging their parents until they get that new bike they just seen in the window shop.” — A. Sendijja
“I am self critical but becoming kinder to self, shy but friendly, neurotic but great fun, introspective but friendly. […] I am a work in progress and I’m happy with that.” — Lottie
Words which I feel best describe me are… Passionate. Driven. Genuine. Heart-centered (in terms of following my heart/intuition and being love-based). At peace; Living in the now.
With that said, let’s now move to our 2nd last question for 21DJC!
21DJC Day 20
Today’s question is a precursor to one of the important tasks we are going to work on in the upcoming Live a Better Life in 30 Days Challenge. During next month’s 30DLBL, we will be unearthing the limiting beliefs blocking us in our goals, dissecting them one by one, and working to reverse them into empowering ones.
But for now:
What Limiting Beliefs Are You Holding On To?
Every one of us has limiting beliefs that hold us back from reaching that next level in life. What are yours?
(Today’s question can be found in #65 of 101 Important Questions To Ask Yourself In Life.)
Your Task Today:
- Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
- Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
- Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
((Images: Empty book for journaling, Belief))
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That indulging in self-promotion is just selfish. I have gotten into the habit recently of working hard in the background and allowing others to take the credit for my work. It’s not been a fun time, but at the same time, I don’t crave the attention and glory that apparently other people seem to need. It does bother me when I am not acknowledged for my work and it bothers me more when someone claims the credit for something I did. So perhaps I need to do a bit more self-promotion and do it in a tactful way. After all, I am not the front person, but that person behind the scene. But it does feel very uncomfortable. In my line of work, recognition is important to get that next amazing project. I get bummed when I am passed over a great deal and others get the opportunity, particularly others who really not skilled for the tasks at hand. Of course, it’s great learning ops for them but when they get chosen time and time again, even when they don’t really accomplish the task at all, you start to wonder why they get the opportunity. Anyway, perhaps I need to realize that a bit of self-promotion is important to maintain my credibility and boost my self-confidence. However, deep down, I do think that in the end, my hardwork will stand the test of time without much self promotion. I have snippets of evidence that events from my past are indeed remembered so I have made my mark. But today’s climate is different than 10 years ago and well, the loudest ones are the ones that get heard. I will always remain to my roots and inner-self, that being authentic, passionate, caring, but now I will need to temper it with a bit of selfishness. Or I need to figure out a way to understand that self-promotion is natural and okay if done in an inclusive, authentic manner.
What limiting believes am I holding up to?
I´ve been thinking about this all day, and I can´t find any. I´m a really positive person. I believe I can do anything I want if I work hard enough. If I really want something, nothing stops me, I always have a plan B, a way around to get to where I want to beif plan A fails.
There are things that make the way harder, for example, I´m shy and I fear failiure, but during this past two years I´ve managed to overcome those obstacles, and so far I´ve accomplished everything I really wanted to accomplish.
A paralyzing fear of failure and what others might think and the idea that I’m not good enough – that’s what stopped me from living my life to the fullest. I kept asking myself ‘what’s the point?’, everything seemed to be in vain. I’m still trying to overcome these limitations. Whenever I feel it’s useless I think of something that makes my life meaningful; whenever I feel I’m not good enough, I’m studying and working hard to get there. I hope someday I’ll be able to relax and just go with the flow, without worrying so much. Till then, I’m fighting my way out of my comfort zone.
My limiting belief as weird as it sounds is my belief that everything will be alright and it will all work “it’s self” out in the end:) I’m too use to having parents to fall back on and too use to the disney happy endings that I let go of my “old self” the worried self and became the laid back “no worries” dude that I am today. As much as I don’t miss worrying all the time it actually got things done and done well. I use to worry about how I was going to get somewhere so when the time came I had already went over all the possibilities in my head and was generally more prepared. Now I just say, “No worries man” it will all work it’s self out and will be fine”. And so I don’t prepare and go over possibilities in my head often making for a mess of things. And somehow it still all works out but it definitely didn’t work it’s self out because I was the one stressing over the fact that I screwed it up and now have to fix the situation. The worry made me “Have” to do things and learn things and be good at things. Now I just say, “no worries”, theres no need for that and my mind goes blank and eventually becomes num. it’s like I went from one extreme to the other and I need to find a balance in the middle.
“If I ask her out, then she’ll think I’m coming on too strongly. If I don’t, then I could lose her. If I continue to chat with her through the computer and through the phone, then we’ll never move forward. I guess it’s best to just stay friends. Like good friends, the special kind. But not the kind where I get to kiss her. Okay, how will I find someone else? It’s gonna be hard to develop a relationship from scratch. Maybe I should just stay single, and focus, REALLY focus on my studies for once. But then I’ll never be truly happy. I’ll never experience what I’ve always wanted to experience. Besides, she needs my help right now. She needs someone to talk to, and I’m the right guy for that. Hang on, she has other guy friends. Does that mean I don’t matter as much? Then maybe I really should give up……..
And if I post this, will she stumble on this webpage and read my post and think that I’m hopeless?”
One big one for me is that I believe there are limits to what I can do with my life.
I’m always telling other people and encouraging other people that can do anything with their lives, no matter their circumstances or upbringing, if they really want it bad enough and work hard enough to make it a reality. That through power of will, strength of determination and conviction along with a little help from the universe at just the right and usually the lowest moments, it CAN be done. But for some reason, I have never truly felt or really let that mentality apply to myself and my life as well. I’m so sure of it when I’m talking to others. I’m not just “blowing smoke” and it is something I truly believe when in regards to others lives, so why would be any different for me??
They always say you can’t advise people, or “sell” to people that which you don’t believe yourself but my sincerity and belief in this being absolutely true for all mankind is real. I guess that only leaves, that for whatever reason, I still don’t find myself worthy of getting anything or everything I want from this life and that does bother me and makes me a little sad. I thought I was past all that kind of thinking but it is the only solution I can come up with why I wouldn’t think that there is no limit to what my life could be as well.
And I’m not saying everyone can be a millionaire and everyone can be president or walk on the moon….I’m saying more that every single person on earth can better their situation and become a better version of who they are. It will never be easy. It will rarely be quick to happen. It will often take the help of many others, usually others you don’t even know and often don’t even realize they helped you on your journey until after, but it CAN and WILL happen if want it, make it and will it to be so!!
Why wouldn’t this be the case for me too?? Why am I so different that this wouldn’t apply to me?? :(
That I have to live someplace that is beneficial to my children while not being beneficial to me. That I can’t get a good job until I get my dental work done. I hate money. I can’t find what I like/want. I am alone. I always have to wait for something to happen before I can make my move and put things in motion. I am going to run out of money. I have to make my money last. I don’t have any money. Unconcsciously, I have been programmed to believe I am not worthy/or capable even when I achieve/obtain and am living it and intellectually no this is not true. No one understands me. I’m not like everyone else.
Limiting beliefs include…
fear, fear of failure, of success, fear of not reaching expectations, of expecting too much, fear of being judged, of being betrayed…
I don’t think I could do what he/she did…
how to break past this…
I think I limit myself by believing I can predict how things will turn out before I even attempting it. I fight against the instinct everyday to just go ahead and try to break through my preconceived notions of how the world works.
Even if it doesn’t look like I’m going to succeed, I have to try.
Well, I’m glad to see I’m not the only one, but ti’s still sad that so many of us feel this way.
The belief that I’m not good enough.
I don’t even know where it comes from. I grew up in such a positive and supportive environment. Maybe it just comes from me, since I remember being about 5 when my mother first told me to stop being so hard on myself.
Most of my life I worked hard to show that I was good enough. When all that came crashing down, I sort of gave up. Now I’m coming back, but it’s taking some serious restructuring of my character. I WILL get there!
I believe that my life will be much better with an own family, with children. This is my huge goal I want to archieve in life. But as it is my big goal, it also limited me. I had bought a big house, never gone to holidays, never have eaten something bad and so on. Then I realized this limit and sold the house, eat what I want to eat and travel around the world everey free weekend, just enjoy life without children.
Although there are some limits within this goal yet, most of them are okay for me. I think, if you have a dream, you have to do something to achieve it. But I lessen the limits every day.
This is the big one which came to my mind. I think I have another limiting beliefs, but they are not that incisive to me or I don´t know them right now. Thinking about it, there are:
– holding on to my 9-to-5-job,
– everybody has to like me and what I do
– my boss has to appreciate my work
– I have to help people in personal development (a new goal of mine, coeval a limiting belief)
– I will never live in an old cottage with some sheep and chicken and an old donkey
– I can´t have a harmonic relationship, because I am difficult
– I will never be slender, because I am big boned
– I will never get children, because I am not good enough and I don´t deserve them
– I can´t emigrate to a scandinavian country
– I can never learn the backhand in badminton, because I am too old.
– I will never drive my motorbike very good, because I am afraid of curves
– I can´t ever launch my blog. I think, nobody wants to read it. And it´s not perfect.
writing this so far, there are far to many limiting beliefs in my life, I think! Last one I think of:
– I fear getting what I want
I tend to think sometime that time is on my side and just find myself procrastinating at some tasks. I get so motivated to perform a certain piece of work, have everything set to enable me complete it and along the way just find myself thinking that this work can wait for another day. When the next day comes, i repeat the same process and down the road, i just give up doing that work.
I read some of the comments before I started thinking today and found how alike we are. It is incredible how I share or have shared self doubt in some or more areas of my life. I still do in some, the difference I know today is that we are governed by our thinking it this which holds us back or moves us forward. I found these comments enormously helpful because it gave me a gauge to see where I am.
Belief differs from opinion in that it is a mental acceptance of an idea, or a doctrine and on the assurance of its truth. It is a deeper layer of how I move and function, how I think and act.
My limiting beliefs are I am not worthy enough to do this or that comes from thoughts that have been conditioned over time. Self talk is at the centre – who programmed this, was it me or someone else?
E.g.
Don’t think you can do this!
I could change to – have a go, see what you can learn.
You no good at this!
I could change to – with practice you can achieve this
I try to observe and watch my internal talk and change it at will to positive thoughts. There is a solution for everything as Jim Rohn says “Everything we need is within our reach.” whether it is on the internet, at the library, with a friend, a colleague, boss we just have to open our eyes , think and look.
To conclude, it is my thoughts, actions and words that limits or liberates myself and others.
Thank you Celes, you helped me get my grey matter into action on this. :D
Probably the main limiting believe I have is that “it’s too late” – I turn 54 at the end of
the month and when I think about doing something different for work sometimes I
think – what’s the point ? You can retire in 11 years! But when I write it like that it makes more sense
to seize a new challenge.
The other limiting belief is that if I do something else, I won’t earn the same amount as money
as my current job and now is the time I want to enjoy like – travel and provide some extra financial
assistance for our daughters.
Steve Jobs inspires me to make the jump:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
— Steve Jobs
Hello Charles,
When we stop having goals or dreams we stop living, by continuously learning we stay young and flexible by keeping our minds agile.
Seize your challenges, “I won’t earn the same amount as money as my current job” – maybe you could start something part time and keep your job until you can build up your income to surpass it, there are many ways, as I have quoted below your post Jim Rohn says “Everything we need is within our reach.”.
Good luck in whatever you choose.
Bob
wonderful quote of steve jobs. I love it´any time I read it. Thanks a lot for sharing, Oz :)
I think some of my limiting beliefs is that I would die young and be regretful about it, that I may not stack up to others and that I need to do things in how people expect me to. Its really frustrating when I say that I want to live my life so that when the end comes I would treat it as an old friend but some part of me does fear dying because of how much I’d have to give up without giving the choice to. Whats worse is that I know that this idea keeps me from doing the things I want to do. I start thinking I have to do things in a specific way because think this way instead of living how I want to. I also think how I need to do things a certain way and that people expect me to do it in that fashion. Its not just that but I start thinking that i have to do things a certain way, how i talk, dress or make opinions a certain way in order for people to acknowledge me. To be honest it feels really restricting and sometimes I prefer just being able to enjoy doing what I can without thinking oh i need to do yada yada in order for people to respond to me. Whats worse is that most of the time it doesn’t even work the way i want it to. Sometimes things don’t go the way i expect even though i bend over backwards just to make it so. It just makes me want to ignore what I’m thinking and start acting how I want to in order to live my ideal life. Its a strange idea but suddenly I want to do so after writing this. I also think that i don’t live up to peoples expectation and that because of it people will have other people do things they want them to instead of me. It makes me feel unappreciated and that I don’t get acknowledged for my experience and help. I do try to make a difference but sometimes it just doesn’t get acknowledged and sometimes it makes me want to give up. However for some reason that choice doesn’t seem appealing. It makes me think i’ve lost in the long run that whatever i do afterwards won’t amount to anything because i made it that I agreed to what people say. I don’t try to stand up to myself I don’t try to do something about it, instead i always just give up and in the long run it means that i say that they are right that I don’t have what it takes. now i really want to change
I don’t think I have any limiting beliefs inside me because if I want to achieve something I’ll go out and achieve it. I don’t really care for other things (apart from my safety) if that means I can achieve what I want to achieve.
But if I were to really look at this question carefully, maybe ‘I am too young’ is the answer. Because I’m not really sure if people would believe someone that young on this puzzling word ‘success’. Nevertheless I’ll target the people who WILL believe me to my blog. :D
i am not holding onto any limiting beliefs i am completely open to the universe and what it can teach me i beleive that there is nothing i can’t achieve if i truly want to acheive it
Limiting beliefs……..
Whats in a notion that you cling on so much to, that every moment of abiding by that belief brings only hurt and disdain?………..But its difficult to push yourself away from something you believe so strongly in…..then definitely the guidance of our guardian angel in Celes would surely arbitrate us to jump ship to a divine world from this false one we are now living in
My limiting belief would definitely be that i am too self righteous…..If someone does something and i don’t believe in it then my nature propels me to retaliate……going out of my way to force something onto someone just because i believe so in it, doesn’t change the way of life for the other person but for sure it tumbles many of the new building blocks that I’ve resurrected in my life………
Limiting beliefs hinder me so much:
I’m not good enough.
I can’t finish anything.
I am not worthy, too lazy, don’t deserve anything.
God’s gonna punish you.
All ring in my ears, but lately I have been working to have these beliefs shattered.
I now say that I am good enough.
I am worthy, motivated, and I deserve whatever I strive for.
God’s not going punish me.
I am displined.
I am successful.
I am a survivor, and I am thriving.
My health is improving.
these new beliefs are hard to take rot, but little by little I am on to a better live.
My first line in my gratitude journal is I am number 1 in my life.
May sound self centered, though it is not meant as such. I use it to be thankful for what I have, and where I am. (No longer homeless) and that I am loved by my children and lover.
When I take the half empty glass and think about it as half full, many new things come my way.
Limiting belief that holding me up is I often doubt, whether I worth the achievement or not. Is it meant for me?
1. Outcome trumps process: I was an early bloomer academically. This impressed adults, but as a kid, I took their reactions to mean that life meant delivering an impressive result quickly, like a magician. Working hard and focusing on process were necessary for kids who didn’t understand things the first time. Besides being uncool, this belief simply runs aground, so I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. I guess I’m not really holding onto it, as I know intellectually what’s what, and mostly emotionally, too. Once in a blue moon, I’ll catch myself thinking “I have to impress” — which puts the power of acceptance in someone else’s court. I remind myself that I’ve got a great, secure, process, which I started building six years ago and continue to hone today.
2. I’m not educated/intelligent enough: Eventually, I started getting poor grades. It was less No. 1 (although that didn’t help) and more that my family situation was difficult. Still, I take responsibility for my life. I was lucky to get a test-based scholarship to a decent school, but gravitated toward a field where a pristine pedigree matters. By some miracle I made it happen (sometimes, outcome is good), but nagging self-doubt became one of my battle scars. To be fair, this was truer 10 years ago; I’m actually pretty relaxed now, but sometimes I’ve wondered what I could have accomplished with a healthy foster family, which is not a healthy thought in the first place, and undersells the positive elements of the upbringing God gave me.
3. The past matters: Life is now, with a nod to the future. The past is a guide, not an anchor. I can’t think of anything good that came my way when I was dwelling on the past. Experiences make us, but we can make our experiences. Sometimes, I’ll feel terrible when I think about what I could have become had everything “gone right”. It’s as exciting as it is limiting, because it reminds me that I can do more — i.e. things can “go right” starting right now. But I’ll also realize that my mind is in such a low state. True as that may be sometimes, the way to prompt positive action isn’t through regret but by building positive habits that return us to the right trajectories, by tasting the fruits of higher consciousness as we’re able, by interacting with good people and by holding good visions.
4. I don’t have enough time to do it perfectly: Easing back into the comfort of logistics, I’m a pretty busy guy, but I sometimes have this fear about having to overedit or overperfect things. I let perfection be the enemy of the good. It probably stems from some fear that whatever flows most purely from me is not good enough and must be modified (and often it must!), but for a counterpoint, *all* my best writing has been stuff I’ve written the fastest — no time to think, no time to self-edit, just pure streaming. And it works. So I shouldn’t doubt myself. But we’re all people, and I do.
Bad as these may be, this is what I get when I probe my soul. I’ve made massive progress that, to be fair to myself, I should note here. Each one of these is probably 20%, if not less, of what it was at its peak. I didn’t overcome these with “a-ha” moments — save for the initial realization, which was pretty “a-ha” — but by building enough strength in other areas of my life that I could embrace the belief, and then let it go… and then wonder why I was clinging so tightly to it in the first place :)
Something that may hold me back is the belief that I may not be able to do something well like others do. This means my lacking of self-confidence and fear of taking risks. There are times when I am afraid to fail and worry too much in doing something (big).
However, if I just give something a try really hard and pray enough, at the end of the day, usually I end up just fine.
Two major limiting beliefs come to mind:-
1. That I am not good enough – I am trying my best to get rid of this thought from my head — by reading up more, writing, reading other personal development blogs, etc. I am considering taking up an online course next year. Part of taking part in this challenge is also to see how I can improve myself, to be inspired and get ideas from other participants. Thank you Celes for organizing this awesome event! This has been a challenge for myself, with myself. I am trying to get out of myself more, shedding off my shyness and be more brave by commenting and interacting with others. It is all part of my effort to erase this limiting belief from this file in my head.
2. I wear the hijab — that is I cover my head — but you can still see my face and hands. I am afraid that people will judge me when they see me or anyone dressed like me. Thanks to all the bad publicity on my religion since 9/11, we all look bad in the eyes of the world. But underneath this covering, I am still a sensitive woman, with aspirations and dreams, just like any modern women who are dressed in the latest fashion. Perhaps some day, the world will accept women dressed like me for what we are and what we can give back, and not let the way we dress get in the way of their thinking. Perhaps, it’s just in my head, I may be wrong?
Asni, I think you should wear the hijab proudly and always remind yourself that those you currently think may judge you are the ones with limiting beliefs and fears, not you.
Thank you, Glenn, I’ll remember this.
You make me cry, with happiness.
Thanks Asni, and nice to see the real you, too :)
Anyone who judges you because of the clothing you chose to wear is loosing a chance to meet a great person, it is there loss and your gain.
This may sound really weird coming from an American woman but your religion did not cause the damage from 9/11, a few radical nut jobs did. It is sad that you are judged because of your clothes.
Just as not all Catholic men/priests are child molesters, but due to the media some may look at a priest and wonder. Just as all Baptists are not like the nut jobs that protest at funerals, but the media plays up the psychos…..
I would say wear your hijab with pride, it is no different than the clothes any woman wears and they are quite beautiful, from the ones I have seen.
Never change your opinion of you because of someone else’s opinion of you.
HUGGS from Mid-Missouri :hug:
Thank you, Karman.
Your kind words touched me.
Hugging you back, from Singapore.
What limiting beliefs am I holding onto?
To be honest, I don’t think I have any. At least I can’t think of any? Having watched a video recently about a guy who is 100 and running marathons, limiting beliefs such as being ‘too old’ or ‘not fit enough’ immediately go out the window.
Yeah, seriously, I really can’t think of anything. For every possible limiting belief I can think of, I can always think of a reason why or a way around it. For example if I were to believe that particular friends don’t like me anymore because they no longer call or message me. For many that could be a limiting belief, but it’s not. Once you discover why, it makes perfect sense. In my case it wouldn’t be that they don’t like me anymore, but more so that I don’t make an effort to call them, and also the fact that we’re each busy doing our own thing, or spending more time with people who do contact us on a regular basis.
If I were to say “I’m not smart enough to be a professor of anything”. Although that might sound like limiting belief, it’s not one either. I believe I am smart enough, but it would just require years of work to reach that title of Professor.
In conclusion, limiting beliefs aren’t something I hold onto. I toss them away immediately and let someone else pick them up :)
that is very well stated and something i always find myself doing well done
Well said Glenn, and well done :dance:
Thanks Ish, but I realise now I made a big mistake on the last line about letting other people pick them up. I take that back.
I have been working a lot on my quietness or lack of being able to speak my mind lately. A lot of the time, what goes through my mind is, “My opinion doesn’t matter”, or “I don’t want to be a burden by asking for this”. It is definitely something that I need to work on and have been working on. In fact, I just earned a promotion at my work and will be starting it at the end of December because I finally spoke up. I also learned that if I had of said something much earlier, I would have had the job a lot sooner. Lesson learned.
I suffer a lot from the “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve that” stuff as well, especially when it comes to my art. It has taken a long time for me to start advertising it, and even now I find myself thinking a lot that “nobody will want to buy this”, or “I’m not talented enough to pull this painting off”. It makes it really tough, especially in the middle stages when the painting still has a ways to go before it is finished.
I don’t deserve this.
What if I fail? What if I didn’t do enough? What if I didn’t do a good job?
The what if questions usually holds me back.
Ooh, this one is good, it makes me really think! I think the belief that is holding me back the most in life, oddly enough, is the fear of money and financial success. I’m from a working-class background, and among my grandparents, uncles, etc, the consensus was that “rich” people have no values and are corrupt.
Now I consider myself to be very rich, because I have so many things around me that I love, and though I live modestly, I still have more accumulated material possessions than I can accurately keep track of. However, although I’m satisfied, I’m usually rather cash strapped when it comes to paying bills, and don’t usually have anything left over for savings.
I think I inherited to some degree the money = corrupt mentality, and the fear that I would lose my appreciation of the little things in life if I have more money than is absolutely necessary. This has limited me a lot, because as far as career planning goes, I’m scared to pick paths that include big paychecks.
Hmmm…I’d be lying if I said that I don’t have them, but I am not sure how well I can pinpoint them, and that’s one reason why they are so limiting and persistent.
My limiting beliefs are mostly in the area of ‘I am not good enough’. And I’ve been fighting them and defeated some of them in the past few years, but some are still here.
I am not going to look for excuses, but I really think that is something that my mother installed in me. I remember that ‘not good enough’ feeling was there when I was a kid, I was feeling awkward and older and more serious than other kids. I love my mum, but she can really be hurtful – when she criticizes someone, it’s not constructive criticism, she attacks a person and can be quite harsh. But I can see she herself is reserved in communication with other people and is sometimes rude with no reasons, and lately I’ve been realizing that that kind of behavior usually means that the person who acts that way is doing it from his/hers personal insecurities. My father is also not confident enough in life, and that really….makes me feel weird sometimes, he should be my hard rock, my anchor in the world and seeing him weaker than me in some areas really just doesn’t feel right. I don’t have to explain that my mother ‘wears the pants’ in the family, she even bosses around her mom. Being the child, when there were fights in the house, I always unconsciously believed that it’s all my fault – parents are perfect. Yesterday when we were fighting about some pretty much meaningless stuff (she starts it always) and for the first time I thought ˝There is something wrong in this house, and it is not me˝. I know I am not perfect, but I am starting to realize that neither is she.
Another thing was that as an only child, and by far youngest in my family (parents had me in mid thirties) I was unused to interaction with other kids, so when I started pre-school and later school I was too naive, too open and didn’t learn how to fight for myself. And we know kids aren’t little angels.
That I think are root causes.
And that’s enough brainstorm for today :)
I guess something that may hold me back sometimes is the belief that I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, stong enough, clever enough or whatever attribute it takes so go to the next step. Sometimes I push and just go for it, but sometimes it holds me back.
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