This is Day 4 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 4 of 21DJC! :)
Yesterday’s question was: “What is your ideal diet like?“. It was interesting reading your responses. Many of you seem to be in tune with what’s best for your body, which is great! Many of you stressed on a diet that’s filled in nutrition and void of empty calories since the latter does not benefit our body. Many of you are committed to removing unhealthy, junk food from your diet; At the same, a diet with high fruits and vegetables is a common vision across the board.
Ultimately all of us are different and have different needs, so go for the diet that you feel best about. There’s no need to feel compelled on a certain diet just because of what your parents, society, health magazines, or TV say.
If you eat something only to feel bad about it afterward, whether physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, then it’s a cue that it’s probably not the ideal for you. This includes eating junk food on the spur of the moment, then beating yourself up over it or feeling “guilty” about it after that.
While you can argue that it’s a “treat” and you “deserve” it, the point is you yourself already acknowledge the food is bad and feel bad about eating it afterward. This in itself suggests a misalignment in your wants/needs that needs to be worked through, vs. allowing the conflicting behavior to perpetuate.
Either you have a candy bar because you *truly* feel it’s the best thing for your body, or you don’t have that. You can’t be thinking “this candy bar isn’t good” and still have that in your ideal diet. That doesn’t make any sense at all; it’s a contradiction in itself. Ideal means something that’s the highest of it all; something you acknowledge to be the best of the best for yourself.
In the end, your ideal diet should be one which you feel 110% emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually both in the short-run and in the long-run – nothing less than that. By having a clear idea of what your ideal diet is, it brings awareness to what you want to feed your body with. This makes it easier for you to achieve this goal in the long run.
While I have a vision of what my ideal diet is, I’m far from it at the moment – there are times when I go off track with my diet due to emotional eating, lack of my desired food, or circumstances. But the important thing is I always work on getting back on track. Being on your ideal diet may not happen overnight, but the important thing is you move closer towards it, and work on integrating it into your lifestyle, day by day. In time, you realize you are exactly where you want to be.
With that said, let’s now move to today’s question! ;)
21DJC Day 4
Today’s question is a fun one – one which involves some imagination and thinking outside of our current framework of time:
If You Are To Travel Back in Time to 3 Years Ago, What Advice Would You Give Yourself?
How old would you be 3 years ago? What was happening at that time? What would you say to yourself? And why?
(Today’s question can be found in #21 of 101 Important Questions To Ask Yourself In Life.)
Your Task Today:
- Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
- Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
- Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
((Images: Empty book for journaling, Time travel))
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If I could give some advice to my thirteen-year old self, it wouldn’t be to study harder. When I turn… say thirty, I might regret being such a hedonist right now and wish that I HAD studied harder when I still had the chance. Instead, I would tell myself which questions were asked on the tests that I still remember.
Or maybe I would have told myself to change schools, so that I wouldn’t ever have to be forced to study the subject that has become my bete noire… Chinese.
I would probably tell my thirteen-year old self to start taking on the hobbies that I’ve only recently started doing. I started windsurfing this year, and if I had started earlier, I might have already been a pro by now!
Most likely, I would tell myself things like “You should date this girl” and “Here’s how you should flirt with her, to capture her heart” and “Don’t ever trust that son of a…….”. Okay, I guess I’ll stay at my school so that I can give myself the power to foresee the future.
I would also tell myself not to take economics, because I don’t want my current economics teacher.
Finally, I would tell my thirteen-year old self to just live and see what the future has in store for him/me.
This one is a painful one for me. 3 years ago I was 18 and starting university. Points of advice I’d give myself:
-Get support from Student Services NOW; you can’t go through this whole raft of new experiences on your own.
-Ease up about your friendships with women: just because you’re friends with a girl doesn’t mean you should fancy her or end up trying to have sex with her.
-About the New Age stuff you’re getting into: Fine, good, stick with it, but get real: you still live in a real world. Maybe for once just drop the idea of the mainstream being some conspiracy which is trying to squash the spirits of the world.
-Don’t sit on the fence about anything
-Get work while you’re studying; get it sooner than second year
-You’re in London to study, not to be a tourist.
-Yes, you say you want to own your own business doing something you’re passionate about. Great. Find something concrete, something that you’ll be okay sticking with, realise that it’s going to be hard at first but rewarding at the end, and DO IT. Make the commitment. NOW!
The messages are filled with a lot of pain and regret, and wishing that I knew back then what I know now. It was a time that I didn’t make the best use of. Having said that, though, given where I was, I probably could not have known any better. I was indeed in a place where I was getting deeply into the ideas of (i) the New Age movement and (ii) putting your passion first when choosing what career to do, not just taking a job for the money. I was also newly at uni, newly excited, and having an experience that I would not deny anyone else. I’m so grateful for my time at university. I also deeply wanted to start my own business because I had just read Steve Pavlina’s “10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job” and I was so determined to be my own person in life. If only I had realised that I actually don’t know a lot of stuff in that area and been more open to advice.
The lesson from this for me now is that, now I’m here, with the skills and experience that I’ve gained since I was 18, to find my dreams, reconnect with them, and pursue them, because I will not forgive myself for not doing it. I’m 21 now, and 3 years from now I want to look back again and say “Those were 3 good years”.
If I can travel back to 3 years ago, I will advise myself these:
1) stay focused on whatever I do, want to do or plan to do
2) be a risk taker ie not afraid to try new things and never say “die” before trying
3) have the courage to speak up to anyone or anything
4) it’s ok to make mistakes (but learn from them without repeating again)
5) it’s ok to step on someone’s toes …..at certain times
6) it’s ok to be angry, less humility and prejudiced….at certain times
7) be more open and positive in life outlooks
8) be wise and wiser
9) learn to discipline own self
10) stop procrastinating and wasting unnecessary time
11) listen to elders’ advices (especially my mom’s) and to appreciate their presence more
12) spend more quality and beautiful time with family
13) get a pet for my parents when they are still young and strong
14) getting to know my friends, colleagues, staffs and bosses much better
15) be highly conscious and aware of my presence and surroundings
16) have more faith and connection to my inner self
17) no hesitations or second guesses……. and just do it
18) no matter what happens, everything will be alright at the end……so live life as it comes!
Whatever you do do it as if you know you could never fail. Be passionate and put in your very best. That’s the secret to success, fulfillment and happiness. :)
Remember your whole day could change and become brighter, lovelier by a simple shift in your attitude. Life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest.
This question hits home. I was recently thinking of this very question two days ago. If I could travel back in time to three years ago I would have A LOT to tell myself. I have grown and changed drastically for the better within these three years. Myself, three years ago, is such a stranger to me. I don’t know who I was, who I was trying to be, and who I was trying to impress and prove myself to. I was absolutely foolish. I’d go back and tell myself to get my life in order. Stop playing games and listen to yourself, listen to your body, listen to what is deep within. Cherish your family and friends. Don’t let anyone else live your life for you and dictate where you will go. Save your money and work your ass off. Take more pictures! Write more! Live YOUR life! Do not live to please everyone else. Do not live in fear and worry about everyone else and what everyone else thinks of you because you will never be happy that way. You are a free bird with a heart of gold. Stop screwing up your life. Go back to school and make something of yourself. Don’t sit by and watch live pass you by. You are capable of going places. There is nothing wrong with you aside from the fear you bring onto yourself. You need to get past that fear, get past that anxiety. Push forward and live! And choose a different path. Don’t continue on this path. Please, don’t. You aren’t happy now and you will not be 100% happy in three years if you continue here. Follow your heart. NOT what everyone else feels you should be doing! It’s your life NOT theirs! Go forward on your own path. You CAN do this!
If I could travel back in time 3 years ago, I’d advice myself to be more discerning when it comes to decision-making about matters that can affect my life in a major way. As they say, “Life is what we make it.” Decisions we make and our attitude in facing challenges make the difference in how we view and live our lives.
Three years ago I was in a weird place. I was months away from meeting my fiance which created a huge change I could never have imagined and made my life better than it ever was before. Knowing that now, I would tell myself:
Everything will be all right. You financial situation is bad, but it will be fixed. You’re overcommitted,but that will be fixed too.
You don’t need to date so many different guys. When you meet the right one, you’ll definitely know.
You know you need to make a break with the past, but don’t know how. That break is coming, so don’t worry about it.
That break is just the beginning, but it will help you down the path of dealing with the past. Three years from now, you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come!
Word Count: 138
Three years ago, I was just starting my first real job out of college and moving to live with a college friend, recently become co-worker. I was in between boyfriends, having just come out of an 8.5 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. I was vulnerable. I was scared. I didn’t want to feel alone. I had hopes that maybe this new start would help me figure out what I wanted out of life.
There are plenty of things that I could say to my younger self about self-love, not settling for less than you’re worth, and warning of the decisions to come. So many things have happened in three years. I went through a lot of hardships including: having to move multiple times, damaging relationships, heartache, lost friends, disappointment, watching others suffer, and the ever difficult search for self. However, no matter how bad they seemed at the time, all of them served their purpose as a lesson. I would not be the strong independent and self-loving woman I am today if I hadn’t gone through those things. So, to my old self, what I have to say is this:
Do your best.
Be and love yourself.
Never surrender to the negative.
Don’t feel lonely; I’m always with you.
Stand up for yourself and what you believe in.
November 10, 2011
My advice of myself three years ago would be to move to another place and divorce my wife. Start all over and find a new partner with similar interest and openness. I also tell myself to keep on writing and continue my pursuit as a public speaker. In my career, I would advise to focus on water resources as my specialty and be a good environmental engineer by reading more about the program.
I would not worry about almost anything except taking care of my health–physically and mentally. I would take daily actions consistent with my life values. I would have written several books on topics of which I am proficient–health, spiritually, and relationships. I would have a blog, coach people, do public speaking, and travel internationally for all of this. I would sell my house and simplify my life as much as possible. I would not drink alcohol. I would meditate twice daily, every day. The preceding is what I would have advised myself 3 years ago. I hereby advise myself to do the same today! Thanks, Brian
I just had a look at my diary to see if I made any entries exactly 3 years ago, and there was! It’s dated 11/11/2008 & I was 15 back then, still in high-school & too relaxed.
In the diary entry, I was ranting about some people I have just met (who are dear friends now), so I would give myself the advice not to make presumptions about people & be more friendly because not judging others (especially at the beginning of a relationship) is always good for us.
Back then I also had no idea what college to put in mind or even what to major in. Now I know exactly what colleges to apply to and what to major in, but knowing this 3 years ago would have been so much better!
There are friends from that period of time whom I don’t get to see any more so I would tell myself to meet up with them as much as possible.
I would also give myself a piece of paper with a link to this website, never too early for personal development.
Hmmm…advice. Three years ago, I would have been twenty, fairly naive, and in my final year at university doing an awful dissertation.
I’d have quite grateful to be advised of the following (whether I’d have believed this at twenty is a different story):
“Don’t leave the awful dissertation until the last minute, because you will be up all night in the library for three solid weeks, drinking Red Bull by the gallon and living in huge baggy clothes”.
“Don’t worry about your student overdraft – believe it or not, three years down the line you’ll actually, shockingly, learn how to save money and will have paid it all back!”
“Grow a thicker skin and don’t worry so much about what people think; it’s really not worth it”.
And most importantly: “Believe in yourself. Times are going to get tougher every so often in the next few years, but you’ll be able to deal with things a *lot* better than you could ever imagine”.
Travelling back in time to 2009, I would not be in very different circumstances from where I am now. My life took a definite turn, a decided change, five years ago and there seems to be plenty that I could say to myself at that point about what to look forward to, what to do, and why.
Since we are to go back only three years, there are a few things I could pick out as advice that I could have given myself then.
I could tell myself not to get worked up about things that are beyond my control. I could remind myself: “This too shall pass. Nothing is permanent except change.” Sounds cynical and pessimistic as I read through what I have written.
I could also tell myself to expect the unexpected, to place my future in the hands of God, to let go and let God.
I would definitely tell myself to build up a social network, something that I had neglected when I was an employed person. I would advise myself to get in touch with old friends that I had lost sight of till then.
One of the interesting statements that I heard some years ago and liked is “I was older then. I am younger than that now.” I see that line as a way of thinking about myself as getting more free and less stiff and more relaxed about the vagaries of life. It is good to remember that we can grow and learn and be more what we really want to be whenever we feel the need to do so.
This one question I have been asking myself recently..
Three years ago around this time of the year I made a very crucial decision.. I left a very well paid prestigious job in a well known company of my country ,comfort of home and family to start a new uncertain life in a completely different country to pursue my dream of doing higher studies starting towards a masters and hoping for a PhD eventually.
I wont deny that I was scared because I did not have any financial assistance.. I only could support myself for one semester with the savings I had from my job and no one to help me out if I needed for the later ones. But I felt following my heart is the wisest thing to do then…
And these 3 years though living on very small stipend of grad student ,the journey was worth taking . On the first semester I got a part time job on campus, met some great people , made some wonderful friends, spent nights in labs to finish projects, learned a lot from life, became a great cook.. i can list on and on of these.. the excitement each day presented was worth taking that leap of coming out of the comfort zone.
Now I am about to finish the masters but before going to PhD I am taking again an other decision.. So at this point my advise to my younger self—
Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams.. the path won’t be easy but I promise you this life is beautiful scenic road you wont regret if you walk following your heart. oh! and one more thing.. don’t compare with others…live your life to your own terms..
Thanks Farhana! This is inspiring. Im glad you’ve happy and following your dreams is working out so well for you :)
Hey Nicole! Thanks for your kind words too!!
Three years ago puts us in November 2008. At that time I was head over heels in a space project, working more hours than there are physically in the day, but not complaining since I was living my passion and did not mind it. The problem was that I was not thinking ahead to the future so when the project finally ended a year later, I was “treading water” and trying to find the next assignment and when got the next assignment it was not something that fueled my passion. It took me about a year to work on that project, without passion, bringing me down, while I was finding another project. At the same time what was going through my mind was comparing the current “not so thrilling” project to the “high” I just came off of. I could have avoided a few years of “treading water” by actively putting the pieces in place for the next assignment while I in my exciting assignment. But what a dilemma since I know I am “at my best” when I am totally absorbed in my project and it shows. When I have tried in the past to plan for the future while living the present, I do not do as well as I have done when I am totally and fully “being in the present.” So my advice would be to always have that 3-5 year plan still on the burner, not the back burner, but also make sure it does not interfere with the current activities you are doing. I wish I could juggle such a thing more. I used to get caught up in always (>80% of my mental activity) planning for the future that I never really enjoyed the present, nor did I actually “do things.” I got known as a “dreamer” or a “talker” and not a “do-er.” So I made that shift and became that “do-er”, but then it came back to haunt me, about 3 years ago, when what I was “do-ing” had reached its natural end and I was in need to start another “do” but all I could do is go back to “dreaming.” I am currently in a situation where I don’t have that “dream project” but also I am not in a “not so thrilling project” so I am not really treading water, but swimming strongly towards something. However that something has been a changing target. I am keeping plans on the burner, but the winds change a lot in my little world that I am making sure I maintain some flexibility, but still keep swimming, not treating water.
3 Years ago, in 2008, is a hard time for me to give advice. 15 years ago – okay, 10 years ago – okay, 2 years ago – okay, but 3 years ago is a time hard to give advices…
First thought:
3 years ago, I have been quite happily married. If I give myself the advice, to break it up to aviod 2009´s complications, I maybe would never have found my new boyfriend, would never changed my life I did, maybe I would have never been that self aware as I am right now. I think, the hard time has been very neccessary for me to create myself as I am right now.
The direction, my life was going, was completely right. I think, I will only give myself small advices to correct some of the circumstances.
– not going to the hospital in spring 2009 to avoid that complications
– trying to make a softer divorce in 2009 as I was very hard to my ex-husband
– trying not to spend that much time with computer games
– no excessive eating of junk food
– start jogging
– not wearing big black things all the time as I am a beautiful woman and am allowed to show this to others!
– try to make things easier as I met my new boyfriend to avoid the first very hard complications
I am not sure if I would have listened to me 3 years ago as my “new” life sonds almost unbelievable to my younger self. I think, I made the future happen through being as I have been 3 years ago when it all started slowly.
second thought:
– just listen to your heart, your soul and your body. Is what you are diong good for you or not? If not, change it immediately. It´s only you that counts. Do not make any more concessions against your real purpose.
that´s it!
If I were to travel back in time to three years ago, I would tell myself to start networking so that three years later, I would have a very strong network.
I would also tell myself to be nicer to people, and build a strong team for myself.
Although nothing much has changed in these three years, I wish that I can do certain things earlier so that I can be happier.
People are always going to hurt you, no matter how you try or how good you are. Do not be hard on yourself because of this – it will distroy joy and hapiness of your life.
In the midst of recalling recalling. Hmm, 3 years ago, I was 30 years old and was at the cross road of my life cum career. It was a reorganisation chaos at my workplace where everything has been combined to do more and less staff (ratio 3 to 1) in the Public Sector. It was really a stressful time and all was unmotivated and demoralised.
If I were to travel back in time to 3 years ago, I would advise myself to step into the unknown and venture out for greener pasture instead of staying in my current job. The best way to make my dreams and aspirations to come true is to wake up.
At that point of time, I really hope that this Organisation can innovate like Google or Yahoo where their staff work holistically instead of using the draconian management style. But I am wrong, it’s still not improving and it’s getting worse!!
I really need to practice Crucial Time Management improve myself holistically and wholesomely instead of devoting all my waking hours to my career where carrots do not equate to contributions.
It iis with plenty of emotion that you reckon you are going back into life with a respite of three years.In deed the older one is the more profound is the feeling that if I had my life to live again, there are so many things that I would have done in a different and better way than I actually did.There is a point It is not said whether you would resume living life with the consciousness of the experiences and impressions of the three years alredy lived, inwhich case you would have improved on your ealier episode. In the event you
are going to find yourself with the same environment , and the same players, generally you will be in the same frame of mind as if nothing has happened and you end up doing the same things , good or bad, as if you are living your normal life.The process of life is irreversible. By the time you realise what you did , and what you could have done it is always too late. Except that as the saying goes it is never too late to do good. So that you end up learning the lesson of life and try to make the most of what opportunity is remains ahead. May you you will end up rectifying certain actions with more zeal and commitment and achieve better result than when you were going to be younger by three years, but with the same mindset.
There is the famous Russian story of a disciple who had appointment with his Master.He was not able to rech on time. When asked , he replied that the road for the long journey was in a hopeless state, which fact he could not foresee, resulting in the delay. The Master gave him a boon. He got back 12 years of his life-became younger by 12 years. After that long period of time after living those 12 years once again, he was shocked to learn, upon questioning that he did the same thing, good or bad, that he did in his earlier 12 years.
sona
There is nothing that I would do differently since 3 years ago created who I am today and I would not be that person if I did not have those experiences. I am satisfied with today. There is always a reason for the past, it creates the present and points you to the future. You must decide and never have regrets, it was your choice.
Even if you became an addict it was your choice, and today it is your choice to seek help or not. Look at who you are today and ask yourself if this is who you want to continue to be into tomorrow…You are the controlling force behind your destiny….you will become what you think about since you will only attract those thoughts and people compatible with what you believe.
3 years back i was 23, i would give myself advice on the type of friends i had then and the relationship i went into. would also advice myself then that no one is perfect and beyond defeat, it only takes the grace of God to keep ones word. i made some mistakes then but thank God i have gotten over it and its a thing of the past now. not all that glitters is gold, not all men are worth trusting, and also would say to myself then that making decisions in life should not be based on your feelings because most time when you are in love with the wrong person, because you allowed your feelings to decide for you, you end up in making wrong decisions.
concerning my education i would say to myself, bimpe you have done well, i set a goal to graduate with a good grade and despite the fact that it was tough at the beginning, i did not lose hope, i was focused and i did achieved my goals.you can always achieve whatever you wan in life if you focus and put your heart to it.
3 years ago I was in my Freshman year at college.
I would tell myself to make more friends. I have a few good friends, and now they are all busy and we are growing apart. It sucks, and I wish I had made more friends my Freshman year.
Start going to Merge and become involved. It is a great church and I wish I’d gotten involved earlier.
Go to parties with Liz. I know you don’t like them but you can make friends there.
Enjoy swing, because it’s going to become your life.
Don’t worry about dropping calc 3, because it all turns out OK next semester.
You won’t believe it now, but in January you will start to work out and like it.
Start learning how to style your hair and do make up. I know it seems like a waste of time but it’s worth it in the end.
Try not to judge other people. Be more relaxed in France and don’t be friends with Jamie. She’ll turn on you really quick.
Enjoy how easy the academics Freshman year are :) It gets to be so much more work!
Exactly three years ago I was 20 days from having a gunshot inflicted to my knee by mu current partner, but I don’t think that I would stop that because it helped me realize the power of thoughts, because I actually with my mind only did the what seamed impossible at the time and I pushed that bullet through my knee without hurting anything… I did it without help of doctors or anyone else because I didn’t want to tell my family so they don’t get scared and hurt. So now three years after my little scar is just a prof of miracle my mind did. So I wouldn’t change that, actually I wouldn’t try to stop myself or change any event in my past because I believe that everything that has happened to me good, or bad or just uninteresting broth me to this vary place where I am right now. And I had valuable lessons from every single event in my life and I am not sure that I would be this sure of my self and my potential without those lessons.
Only thing that I would say to my self at any point I could go back in time is that no matter what happens everything is going to be good, that fear has no place in my hearth only love, happiness and appreciation. That I have nothing to worry about because regardless of how things seam at some points I am always on the right track towards my bright future. I would also give my past self and advice to appreciate more little things and to enjoy them and also to spend more time with my friends and family. And to try as much as I can to be thankful everyday for everything that I have and that I am yet to have. The last think I would say to myself is just to continue being me and to continue to inspire and empower other people because that is where all the power lies.
If I could go back three years and give myself advice I would have a long list of things that I might do a little differently.
First I would tell my wife how much I appreciate her more often, I tell my kids that I love them more often, I would tell my now deceased parents I loved them.
Three years ago I was 37 or, as I like to tell everyone, 26 :-D
I was having some serious medical issues, I couldn’t work as much as I needed to and I was a single mom. I had begun getting food from a food cupboard about once a month, though I could have once a week. I was no longer 6, or even 3, months ahead on all of my bills. I was seriously starting to get behind. I just kept telling myself to hang in there. Things had to get better.
If I could go back, I would tell myself to stay positive every day… no matter what. I have since then had surgery, lost my job, lost my home, and came away from it all with almost none of my previous belongings. I am now sleeping on a sofa that dogs have pretty much ruined, in a household with almost constant negativity. It is not easy.
I have managed to find a job, and continue to (slowly) build my writing career. My next step is a place of my own. Don’t get me wrong. I am truly grateful for the sofa to sleep on and the roof over my head. It is important that I move on and set up my life again, though. I have been where I am since summer.
I would also tell myself to be grateful for each and every person in my life, and for everything that I have.
WoW! What a loaded question!!
3 Years ago was a hard time in my life. I was so angry, lost, alone, separated mostly by my own choices to disconnect so I would not hurt.
I had just watched my Momma die from a combination of Alzheimer’s and Diabetes. I was setting there the day she passed, on the bed next to her holding her hand telling her it was okay to go because I knew she was suffering and wanted it to stop. I had spent the previous two years spending each Saturday with her while she slowly slipped away. I had to remain strong because everyone in my family (father, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) needed me to be the strong person I was taught by my mother to be in life. I so just wanted to scream and let out all the emotions that were bottling up in side me….many of which are still there because I have not found anyone that can or will listen to my emotions about Momma without trying to make me feel better.
I lost my best friend who had to move away because her mother had recently passed away, her father was going blind, her mother in law and father in law had both been diagnosed with cancer and given less than 1 year to live.
I had just kicked my youngest son out of my home on the suggested advice of family and friends because he was having failure to launch and I was at a loss as to what to do. The money I was making was not enough to cover the bills and he would not help at all.
I had surrendered a home I was purchasing because of finances and the inability to make the mortgage. Moved into a hotel room so that my son could not move in with me. I became, for all intents and purposes, homelessness with little thought of what to do next in a life that had just fallen apart.
I had lost my empathy for my clients in my profession as a substance abuse counselor. My empathy had become saved for those who had “real” problems and my solution had become “Stop Stupid”; none of this could I voice so I held it inside and found a new job which turned out to be the second greatest mistake of my life. (The first was my first marriage) The new boss I gained from this new job decided that calling me stupid and telling me that I was worthless was a good thing to do on a regular basis. My self-esteem began to suffer and my self hatred grew immensely. The job lasted a year and I was fired. (That is another long story)
The question of the day is “What advice would you give yourself?” and that advice has come to me from typing the above narrative. It is simple and it is advice that I would give to anyone who presented me with the problems, circumstances, events, happenings, and life that I have presented. Now if I could only listen to myself and take my own advice.
Here Goes:
1. It will all be alright
2. Don’t let go of your celebration of your faith
3. Stand up for yourself when you change jobs
4. Tape what is being said to you at your new job
5. Find yourself a counselor who will simply listen to you cry and NOT offer advice
6. Take a vacation to the coast and just set and watch the sunset for two weeks
7. Trust your instincts. When your gut tells you NO! Trust your gut
8. Don’t Forget to LOVE you above all else, if you can not love you, you cannot love
9. Believe in you and your abilities
10. Never under any circumstances compromise who you are or what you want!
A belief in yourself and what you can do is so important! This is great advice and I hope you implement it all into your life.
Oh – this is hard. Three years ago was the beginning of a major transition for me. It was a shaky time emotionally, mentally. I was in a rough head space. It was right before I took my current job and moved to the Cities and away from my husband. There have been some horrendous moments between then and now.
Advice – remember to breathe. Take up yoga earlier. Talk more with Judith. Write more. Know that it will work out.
I can’t tell myself then to avoid the things that happened because I believe all the things that have happened needed to in order for me now to be who I am now. So, while there is a part of me who really would like to tell the me then to avoid certain people or certain things, there is a greater part of me who knows I have to live through those painful times in order to understand and appreciate the good times I have now. I can’t change the past without changing today.
So, I guess the advice I’d have to give myself is to remember that I am loved, to remember that things work out, to remember that the hard times don’t last forever and once they have become a permanent part of me, they make me stronger and better able to handle the new rough times. I would like to tell myself that it is okay to be happy and sad at the same time. That there is no right feeling and there is no wrong feeling. There is just feeling.
“I can’t tell myself then to avoid the things that happened because I believe all the things that have happened needed to in order for me now to be who I am now.”
I like this statement because it is the most difficult to accept and the most true. Everything that has happened in our lives had to happen for us to be where we are today….but man oh man is that a hard row to hoe….
Three years ago in 2008, I would be ready to give myself advice on a matter that caused me legal problems. My advice, of course, would be, “Don’t do this because 3 years later it is going to affect your life in a negative way and you will have to deal with the aftermath” I would tell myself to follow my doctor’s instructions, take my medication as prescribed, take a job offer, and pay on fines to maintain a license which in the long run would benefit me today.
I would also want to give myself advice on my lifestyle and how changes could have been made 3 years ago, rather than now.
I’m sure everyone has watched the movie “A Christmas Carol” or have a general idea about the ghost of the past, present, and future. I am looking at this question in that perspective. I would want the ‘me’ of three years ago to have a glance at the ‘me’ today. I am happy with the things I have accomplished this year. I also am having to struggle and have so much extra work to do to make life easier and better for myself and my children. So, three years ago, my advice to myself would ultimately be, “It doesn’t have to be this hard three years from now. Keep in mind that for every action there is a reaction and anything you choose to do will have consequences whether good or bad.”
With this being said, I cannot change the past. So I try my best to live better and not dwell on the ‘what ifs’ because the ‘what ifs’ in life can prevent me from focusing on the here and now. I look at my life like a book I have written and am writing everyday. It is up to me if I want to go back and keep reading the same chapter over and over but by doing this I’m procrastinating in writing a new chapter. I’m not one to dwell on the past or mistakes. I look at them, file them away, and leave them there. I learn from my mistakes and I suppose even though I have consequences from three years ago, I am a better person today because of them.
If I could go back in time 3 years and give myself advice:
This questions seems to imply that I can impart the knowledge of the future, to myself in that past – so that I might make different decisions and take different actions- to direct by path and future outcomes – to something other than what has actually transpired.
Well… is advice also information? Can I take back information and pass it to myself? – Because I’d most certainly give myself investment advise that would make me as wealthy as I would want to be.
But that aside – If I am just “giving advice” – on matters related to personal, family or relationship issues – A lot of the advice I give myself now is the same as three years ago – that NOW is the time to make the changes that you want to make to improve your relationships, health and happiness, the time will pass whether you do these things or not.
So going back with that would not be new – but I could tell myself – “Hey man – I really mean it, you need to just knuckle down and do it, the time went by just like you knew it would….”
There are some things I would tell myself to do, to help some family members avoid trouble and hardship.
I would tell myself to visit more with my family, drink less, exercise daily, be even more frugal,
Pragmatic useful things like that.
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