Do you know how to be charming? How does one become charming, actually?
These are questions which people have, but do not seem to have the answer to. After all, charm seems like an elusive quality which you either have or don’t have.
First off, let’s look at the meaning of charm, which is “a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty.” Hence, a charming person is someone who pleases or attracts other people, be it through personality and/or beauty.
Given that, I believe being charming is about firstly, knowing yourself, and secondly, caring for others.
I find that people who know themselves, their place in the world, and relentlessly pursue the things they believe in, are very attractive. People who know who they are and what they stand for naturally radiate an indescribable energy. People who don’t know who they are and what they stand for usually blend into the crowd and do not stand out. It doesn’t matter how they look; if they don’t know what they are about, it’s as if they are just empty shells.
Why do I state caring for others as the second criteria? I just find people who care for others, extremely endearing. I’m passionate about helping other people (grow), and I find people who put others before themselves very beautiful. Very, very beautiful. I think it takes a person of a certain character to put others’ interests before themselves (not to the point of neglecting their own needs, of course), and in this world and age where people are often fighting for their own needs, it (kindness) is a beautiful character trait to have.
These two characteristics are traits that I’m constantly working on myself. I’m not a perfect person but I do strive to be a better person than I was yesterday. And I believe all of you reading this do so as well. :)
I know that some people want to become charming because they want to be more attractive to the opposite sex or the same sex. My stance is that you shouldn’t try to mold or change yourself to fit what others want just to appear charming to them. That’s the direct opposite of what it takes to be a charming person.
It’s the same as someone asking, “How does one become an inspirational person?” You become an inspirational person by setting your goals and pursuing them. Live by example, make your life the highest version of what it can be, and inspire others by your direct actions. You don’t become an inspirational person by trying to be inspirational. Maybe you would be partially successful in making others feel that way about you, but then who would you be living your life for? Yourself, or others? That’s something to think about.
In short, be the highest person you can be and care for others. Be the highest person not in terms of your external actions, but the actions you take each day to be your best self. Care for others not for the sake of it, but because you genuine care for others. That’s when you truly become a charming personality. :) ♥
Read: Are You Emotionally Generous?
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Celes I think you’re spot on here! I have a book that I bought a few years ago and read from time to time called “How to be Absolutely Irresistible.” The title sounds a bit much I know, but it also described the difference between being a charmer and being charming: someone who is a charmer knows how to attract people and give them what they want but it doesn’t necessarily come from a genuine intention/feeling, whereas someone who is charming is genuinely empathetic to others and the situation around them. Charming people are, as you said, both comfortable with themselves but also are sensitive to those around them. Someone charming is also more inclusive than exclusive–they try to help people feel included as well as much as they can.
I love how you’ve able to simplify it down to those two points, and I think it’s so very true. Someone who knows themselves and pursues their own interests, and someone who does their best to care about others…well, they’re combining two of the best qualities!
I’ve always seen being charming as a sort of added bonus to pursuing personal growth, because as I gain confidence in myself and in my abilities, I think I will naturally reach out to others and help them with their own needs and goals. And as I do those things, I will lose my less attractive traits (I tend to be nervous, almost clingy, needing reassurance), which will be a benefit in and of itself but also probably make others think, “Wow, Alexa’s like a whole new person!” That’s not -why- I’m pursuing my growth, and it’s probably not as black-and-white as I just described, but certainly I think it’s a natural, if more subtle, side effect of self improvement. =p
I like this article even if it’s short, because it really doesn’t need to be any longer. You have a variety of reading available for those who want to increase their self-knowledge and their compassion for others. =)
Hi Alexa, that’s such an interesting distinguishment that the book made! At the same time, I totally agree with what the author said. I think it’s important to be genuine and work toward being a charming person (rather than a charmer, who can be considered a player of sorts too).
Thank you so much for your lovely comment! :D I think you always have such great thoughts to share and it’s unbelievable that you’re such a young lady.
Thanks, Celes! I’m glad you enjoy what I share, and that my thoughts don’t seem too juvenile! =)
I consider self-confidence to be one of the factors which contribute to charm. And, just like you said, Celes, self-confidence comes from knowing yourself, your values and goals. Also, developing character traits such as compassion, patience and generosity makes a person charming due to the positive energy constantly surrounding them.
I wanted to address one more thing that you stated in this article, about trying to be charming for other people. Usually, from my own experience and also from what I’ve noticed over time, this type of motivation(to impress or to please other people) to achieve a certain thing doesn’t keep the “fire” alive, it doesn’t help you keep up the momentum and, since it’s an exterior motivator, it can make the journey towards the goal which you’ve set pretty frustrating because it tends to feel like a burden, like something which you *must* do, not something you truly wish for. However, it’s possible to turn your back to this type of mentality and start doing things for yourself(change for yourself, learn new things for yourself), it just takes time. And just to be clear, when I say “do things for yourself” I’m not urging people to be egoistic, but to stay true to themselves :)
I’d say Being Yourself and Willingness to Share are what most charming persons possess.
Not everyone has the courage to be themselves, act themselves and stand up for what they believe in. I for one, am learning and trying to be my own self without fear of the perceptions of the world. Besides that, it is important to Take Care of your self, in terms of physical and emotional health, as well as your pleasant appearance. Also, not everyone is selfless in giving to others. Just because we live in competitive society does not mean that we have to act like selfish predators.
I do however believe that being charming could be intrinsically developed. The most charming boy I have met is only 9 years old, but he is charming and well-loved by everyone around him because he is not afraid to help you out in chores, his siblings in their work and ask you about your day. He is sensitive to us adults in knowing the right time to say the right thing. He is charming because he is passionate about what he loves to do. He is just a child but it’s amazing when you discover such innate characteristics in a young boy.
Meanwhile, they always say, one is most charming when he/she is focused in something. I guess it all boils down to being genuine, to yourself and others.
That’s true.
Thank you for the sharing.
Bin
Celes thanks for the article. I have trouble putting others’ needs in front of mine. I hope you’ll write an article on that too, its benefits and how to do it. I just feel I have so many of my things to do that if I start to look into others needs, what will happen to mine?
Agree. Just want to add that i find people who love themselves ie confident , happy and comfortable in their own skin to be charming. After all u have to be able to like urself first before others can feel the same.
Great post. I never thought about what makes a person charming before; it was always just a feeling I had :-)
You are absolutely right, but I think knowing ourselves is not only attractive for others but also good for who you are inside and outside. I say this because there are so many people out there, confused about themselves. It’s not so easy for all of us, to be really ourselves sometimes…that’s my point of view! I like the way you approach the topic in your writing…Thank you for sharing them….with my best regards.
Hi Celes,
People who know who they are, also enjoy sharing what they have with others. It’s as though they were given bags full of the rarest gems in the world, and because they are confident that their sharing the gems will result in their never running out of it – they insist on giving away what they, themselves have been given. This isn’t the mindset of most people, as you’ve shared here. Most people if given riches, would store the richest away in an effort of trying to never lose it. The charmers as you depicted in this post, are well aware that when they share happiness and inspiration with others, they will always have an abundance of it. Great lesson here, my friend. Thank you for bringing this topic to the forefront of our minds. Blessings.
What do YOU think makes someone more charming over another?
The two people A & B may be virtually identical with a similar standard of education and abilities. The difference I think lies in the following details:
1. B has more charisma in the way he holds your attention he is more interesting because of how he shares knowledge & information in different or unusual ways.
2. B inspires more confidence is sincere, authentic, trustworthy, kind and generous.
3. B Physically looks better and is more refined.
4. B is more loving and warm in their approach.
5. B is happier and more confident in their abilities has an extended vocabulary and is always careful with his choice of words.
6. B Attitude of respect creating win-win situations for each person.
The distinction is in the fine details, where both started out equally B will always move ahead because of his attitude.
I prefer to always go to the happier looking person when shopping because I feel I will get a better service.
Hi Bob! Thanks so much for breaking it down in this manner. It helps to distill down where the differences between a charming person (or someone most would regard as charming) and a non-charming person.
I definitely agree it’s a matter of attitude. With the right attitude and warmth, anyone can become a charming person. And like you said, I always prefer to approach the happier person when shopping, to the extent where I would rather patronize a shop with better customer service (even if the prices are higher than others).
Hi Celes, I agree with you that I find self aware people very charming. People, who have a defined sense of who they are, understand others better because we are all one. I think people who can joke about themselves and share their vulnerabilities are very charming !
Also, I agree that a caring personality is also very endearing. As the quote goes, “People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” – John Maxwell :heart:
To me, I find people who value integrity very charming. He or she does the right thing whether it is convenient or not or even at a personal cost. Although Tiger Woods had been one of the greatest sportspeople in the world, his integrity has been marred by his extramarital affairs and I think he has lost his ‘charm’ cuz being faithful to one’s spouse is something I value. From an everyday perspective, a person giving up his/her seat to an elderly person although he/she had been tired at work is very charming :)
I find people who are full of passion and energy very charming and joyful to be with. That is why I love watching the Olympics :sweat:
People who are very grateful for the people and beautiful things around him/her are also very endearing. People who have an “entitlement” mentality are hardly charming to me.
I find people charming when they constantly look for positive things to say to people and truly love and appreciate people. People who also enlarge others and visualise them not as they are but what they can be, are very charming and uplifting at the same time. :hug:
Lastly, a person who also strives to be of value to others in every interaction is very charming. That means the person is not constantly focused on oneself. And seeks to help others. I guess charm is a very subjective quality so everyone has their own perspective on who is “more” Prince/Princess Charming :lol:
Hi Wanxuan, I love your description of what you find charming. :D You are right, people who are driven are very charming and attractive. I guess that is why so many people tune in to watch Olympics (like you said), or any competitions for that regard!!
You’re also right regarding Tiger Woods. I feel his public image has greatly suffered since the scandal. Part of what people felt was charming about him was that they thought of him as a values-driven person (including the value of integrity), but the scandal (and such a severe one at that) really showed that perhaps he wasn’t the kind of person others thought he was.
Hi Celes! It’s been a while. :)
I have slightly different take on charming. And I don’t think it’s complicated.
You are charming when you let someone know, either by words, actions, or body language, that you feel good about them or what you are doing.
Essentially, when you are warm and selfless and give the people you are with the feeling that they are terrific people and that you are happy to be with them (and this is a sincere feeling, of course), you are being charming.
So I’d say the secret for charm is as simple as taking a genuine interest in other people, and basking in the company of your fellow men and women. :)
Hey Luis! It’s so great to see you back at the site! :D
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on what makes one charming. I totally agree that someone who takes a genuine interest in others or even takes time out to let others know that he/she feels good about them. Someone who constantly sees the positive aspects of others is definitely someone with a great character. :D
Hi Celes.
Good call here. People who know themselves don’t appear weak in public, and are able to talk in a relaxed fashion, which then appears to be charming. Charm and appeal come from inner understanding and not outward swagger. Sometimes I don’t have to say much and I captivate a room. This is because people know I’m glad to be me, with all my intricacies.
Mindset is where charm originates from.
Thank you for a wonderfully written post! I do feel strongly about the fact that one needs to have a great level of self-awareness , or be ‘centered’, as I call it. Being this aware of your place and mission in the world not only acts as a magnet for other people, who are subconsciously seeking to connect with individuals that will inspire them; this immediately helps you make the choices that are right for you, thus you continually get to meet more people, who are more like you, and who are more likely to find you ‘charming’.
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