Ask Celes: Are You Seeing Anyone at the Moment? What Is Your Biggest Obstacle to Finding Love?

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(Image: Ethan Lofton)

“Hi Celes! I enjoy reading your blog! Considering you are so successful in your career (personal development), are you seeing anyone romantic? It would be great if you could share that experience with your readers!! I am sure we are all happy that you meet Prince Charming!” — Jennifer

Hi Jennifer! ;) Haha, I’ve been dating a fair bit lately but I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. Which  leads to the next question by Qin Tang…

“Hi Celes, You are such a talented and beautiful person. You have achieved incredible success in a very short time and at a very young age.

I know (from your articles) that you are interested in a romantic relationship. With everything you have to offer and with the national/international exposure, you certainly have a lot of choices in finding someone. I am sure there are a lot of young men out there who are interested in you.

What is the obstacle for you in this area? I wish the best for you in finding your soulmate. May you be blessed with someone whom you love and who loves you deeply.” — Qin Tang

Haha… Hi Qin Tang, your question made me chuckle a little there too. ;)

I’ve been seeing some really great guys who are really eligible and great individuals in their own right. While I’m not with anyone yet, I can feel that the right person or the right relationship (if the person is already someone I know) is somewhere around the corner (or I might just be hallucinating here ;) ). My past few months of dating have been a great self-discovery and self-reflection journey.

I used to face several big blocks in the area of love. The blocks were nothing more than self-erected barriers (as with all things in life). In the past (years ago), I would say my main ‘barrier’ was due to a lack of desire to be with someone (attributed to overvaluing of self/independence/me-time, prioritization of my career over love, wanting to work on myself first before being with anyone, etc.). Then it switched to lack of faith in myself as I kept feeling I needed to be better before I should consider being with anybody. Later on, I unearthed attachment issues (rooted in my past) where I was fearful I would be with the wrong person (which would lead to many sticky implications) and hence held out from being together with anyone at all.

All these issues, I have since resolved them. I have done much self-reflection and self-improvement since my early 20s and I’m now finally ready to seriously explore being together with someone. Consequently, I’ve been dating quite a fair bit since September and I’m now meeting guys who are more compatible with me than guys I’ve ever met before, though I can’t really say if I’ve found the right person whom I want to be with yet.

(For those wondering, I’m still doing the Lunch Actually thing and basically enjoying the remaining dates of my sponsored five-date package, having already written the review series. I just had my third date this week and it went very well! Lunch Actually is also but a very small contributor to many of the dates I’ve been going on actually; I’ve been meeting many guys from other circles/places and just having a good time knowing more about myself from this journey.)

Ultimately, I do want to be in a relationship. I want to be with someone I like and share my life openly and earnestly with him. I want to be in an authentic, loving relationship with someone and I want to do everything in my power to make things work out in the long term. I want to give my all to the person I eventually end up with and I want to be there 110% for him where possible, just as I would like him to do it for me too when I need him to.

But I only want to do that with someone whom I really like, and not just anyone I know and is available. While I’m working towards being in a relationship, I’m definitely in no rush to get together with someone. I believe whatever will happen, will happen, and I do not believe in rushing into a relationship if the big pieces of the puzzle are missing (e.g. commonality in values, attraction, desired attributes, emotional connection, and physical connection).

I wouldn’t say there is any obstacle to me finding love today as much as it is about me just doing the dating thing now, meeting different people, opening myself up / letting myself be vulnerable, going on dates with romantic prospects, evaluating my compatibility with each guy, building on areas of commonalities, and basically going with the flow and letting nature take its course. If you must want me to state a “barrier”, I’d say it’s simply about meeting the right person now (if I haven’t already met him) and having things take their course. I’ve definitely been meeting more and more compatible guys as I progress in my dating journey though and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

At the moment, I’m basically enjoying every single experience I’m getting. :) If the experiences from the past three months (I’ve been actively dating since September; it’s December now) are any indication as to what’s coming up next, then I can’t wait to see how things are going to unfold. I have no expectations, no attachments, and no wishes, only positivity, happy intentions, and a great dose of excitement as to what’s to come next. :)

Some of my classic pieces on finding love:

Update May 2013: I’m now in a relationship. :) Read my follow-up response: Ask Celes: Are You Seeing Anyone at the Moment? (Update)

Update May 2014: After a period of dating, we got engaged in June 2013 and married on May 2014! Please find the articles documenting our love journey together below, from dating leading to proposal, leading to our wedding day. Enjoy! :)

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Hi, I’m Celes. Thanks for reading. Personal Excellence is where I write about how to live our best life as we tackle life’s challenges. About Me »

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