Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

instarstwined · 10-09-2011 10:30 PM

Hi everyone!

I joined the forums earlier this year.. but totally dropped out of it

Was too absorbed with work and what not. Anw, I've decided to come back to the forums because I want to start again - to live a better life. Better late than never no?

So this year, was a moderately tough one. My boyfriend was overseas for half the year so long distance was a challenge.. but he's back now and we're just applied for an apartment together

Another tough thing was the death of my grandpa.. he had cancer and died within 3 months of discovering it. I guess that really made me do a lot of reflection, and could be the reason why i've come back to the forums... I want to realign my life better again. Hoping that with all the positive people and energy in the forums will help

So that's a short short introduction of me, will post more soon.. on my goals and aspirations. Am glad to be back!

- Nicole

OK here goes:

Goals

Job/ career
I am currently doing corporate / marketing communications in the civil service for 2 years now. I would say i like my job... 60-70% of the time. I get confused about this because at times I feel like i like the job security, and the stability of being somewhere comfortable. But at the same time I somehow feel this isnt my passion. I dont see myself doing this job forever. And like steve jobs said - we do spend a large part of our lives working.. so we should love what we do.

So I've been thinking about what I love... and it came to me that I would love to interact with and help people, and also, I love art making and writing. I went for a short course in art therapy earlier this year and voila, I just feel deep down that this is what I want to do. Unfortunately I dont have a degree in Art or a degree in Psychology or social work. My degree is in Business Marketing.

Art is subjective, and some people say im creative.. but i've no technical training. So to be an art therapist basically means going back to school to do a masters. I've been working for about 2.5 years now with a stable salary, and Im doing ok at my job.. so leaving the financial and 'mental' security is just a bit daunting to me. But I really feel that this is what I want to do, and i want to give it a shot.

So yes, my goal is to get into the art therapy course, asap. And I will make necessary adjustments and changes to get in. (FYI: My bf is supportive but my parents arent - they think im wasting my career and earnings potential)

Family relationships
When my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer, I spent the last months of his life in and out of the hospital visiting him and being there for him. We had good conversations, and I was happy to be of some comfort to him. But i really regret the time I did not spend with him - for 'neglecting' him in a way during the past 6 years when I was growing up. So I want to be there for all my family members now. It's not so easy because my family situation is a little complicated, but I want to work on this.

Health
Although im considered on the slim side, I want to be fit. I've recently signed up for a gym membership. My goal is to visit the gym twice a week.. 1 weekday night after work for pilates, and friday nights/ saturday mornings for cardio weights exercise. Have to keep this up!! Exercising also feels good.. from the adrenaline rush.

Another small thing I want to do is to carry a water bottle around with me. So I have enough water daily.

Spiritual and personal development
My mother, who passed away 8 years ago

, was a strong buddhist, and a lot of her values have passed on to me. I want to develop myself and get acquainted with the buddhist values again.. because she led a good caring life and I want to as well. sometimes in life, along the way you find yourself not becoming the person you want to be. So I want to do a check on myself. I will be attending buddhist classes starting in Jan next year with a friend. looking forward to it

I also intend to do a short course in counseling as well in Jan-March. This will be on top of my full time job, so i envision that I will be pretty tired. But nothing worthwhile comes easy right?
I am currently doing a course in western art as well.. drawing/watercolour/oil painting to build up my art skills. It's been REALLY FUN

but tiring of course, as i've to rush to the class after work once a week.

ok that's a long update, that's it for now! Will be happy to hear any thoughts on what I've shared

-Nicole

Moirawr · 10-10-2011 05:20 AM

I am sorry to hear about your grandpa but I am sure he would be pleased to see that because of that situation, you are now working to get back to yourself. Sometimes it takes a bad situation to remind of the things that are important in life. I am truly sorry to hear that it was such a painful situation.

We are glad to see you back on the forums and look forward to seeing where you go from here. Welcome back!

instarstwined · 10-11-2011 10:28 PM

Thanks a lot for your comment Moira! Nice to know that people are interested in me and what I've to share.
Yes i certainly hope that he would have been proud of me for wanting to better myself. Life is an ongoing journey though, and it would be best if we are all self aware all the time.. and not only jolted awake when something bad happens. oh well, a learning point (:

Today was quite a good day. I was on training for a digital media course that my company sent me, got to interact with interesting people and share ideas. Digital media is an exciting area, i hope to combine this with my passion for the healing arts and mental health - probably raise awareness.

Also went for dinner with my aunt, uncle and cousins.. something which im really glad i've done. They're my second family, always there for me especially during the really tough periods in my life - from my mother's death to my dad's remarriage and recently, my grandpa's death. I can tell my aunt (who's my grandpa's daughter and mother's sister) is still really sad about my grandpa's death.. and I want to be there with her/for her as much as possible. She has sacrificed a lot of her time and love for her family, and I want her to feel loved and taken care of as well.

Ultimately in my 24 years so far, Im coming to realise that real authentic loving relationships with people are what is important in life. Im trying to work on this.. although im not sure how yet. I guess i just have this naturally guarded personality? I can make friends and am generally engaging.. but not in a deeper level that I would consider real enough? I find that most of the 'friends' i make at work, or as I get older are more fleeting.. it seems that people get more guarded and 'cynical' in a way as they grow older. Does anyone feel that way too? How can we forge authentic relationships with people ard us? Not just family, but close friends and people we come into contact with..colleagues etc.

Last thing i want to share today:
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

As i was busy planning/worrying/impatient about achieving my passion and dreams.. i saw this quote above and i realise that while it is good to have goals to pursue and passions to achieve to better our lives, we must not forget to live in the present and be thankful for that.

stacey_dream · 10-12-2011 06:11 PM

Hello Nicole! I know what you mean speaking abt your grandpa - when I started losing my loved ones, I understood how short the life is and how important it is to find time for your family and friends. :hug:

instarstwined · 10-14-2011 01:28 AM

Hi Stacey

Yep.. life is precious & we must make a conscious effort not to sleepwalk through it :hug:

so today was a busy day.. the past few days have passed in a blur. there's just so much work to do! analysis reports to churn out.. presentations to make. I didnt even have time for a proper lunch, and my head was spinning at the end of the day.

i made an effort to leave work on time for my art class today, even though there were some stuff I still needed to handle for tmr. Art class was quite fun, but our teacher is big on technical skill so it was a liiiiitle pressurising, but just a little. Glad i went for class, it relaxed me. Though by the time class was over my head was throbbing from being too tired, and body sore from sitting in a place for almost 3 hours. But I've a keen interest in art, and this is something i want to do.. so im sticking to it w discipline!

Still, im so glad tmr is friday, and the weekend is near. i need rest!

instarstwined · 10-17-2011 10:29 PM

So I had a pretty nice and relaxing weekend. Managed to visit the florist and buy some flowers (lilies)

and do up a simple flower arrangement. Havent done ikebana in a while, so it felt good! altho im a little rusty.
Also found time to do some painting and sketching of the lilies. Today two of the lilies which were initially closed, sprang into full bloom! made me smile when i came home after a long day at work, could smell the lovely scent from the door

My painting is still not very good, but im really trying to improve. im glad i've been painting once a week at least. Got to keep it up!

Today i also had my appraisal with my bosses. They think im doing a good job, good ideas, dependable.. and can be counted on to deliver good work at all times even under tight timelines. Only flaw was that i could be a bit more proactive in terms of strategic thinking and revamping processes. Im quite pleasantly surprised, it's nice to be recognised that I do good work, and to feel appreciated. problem is, im quite cynical after my 2 years of work here, and i feel quite burnt out as well. While work itself can still be interesting, the workload and dealing with all that bureaucracy can be a real real drag. plus it's sth im 'only okay' with, and not my ultimate passion.

sometimes i wonder why do i have that inner restlessness that makes me want to go after my passion, why cant i just be contented with 'settling' in a stable job with a stable income... like most of the world (at least in my world) seems to be doing? it will be easier in a way, less risk... but of course, less satisfaction (assuming im successful at my passion). I think it takes someone of great courage, confidence and determination, and of course talent, to pursue one's passion successfully. If u lack one of those qualities, is it better to be content and 'settle'?

Just a thought, which i get quite often whenever i feel 'complacent' / discouraged about things in life. what do some of you think? how do u keep ur fuel for self development and pursuing your passion burning strong?

instarstwined · 10-30-2011 12:35 AM

whoo hoo! the forums are back on

Dunno bout you all, but I couldnt access this for a few days... anw, glad it's back.

life has been, busy. I have exercised today & it feels good.
Am also dreaming out/ writing down big plans for next year, since it is almost Nov alr. I smell christmas in the air!

Next year will, i hope, be life changing for me. A bend in the road.. taking chances to follow my heart and dream.
Let me share roughly what i hope to achieve next year, in terms of work:

- I will pursue my part-time diploma in special education
- Quit in April (As I still need $$$$ to save up)
- Get a job in working with special needs children
- Apply for my masters programme in educational psychology (And get in for 2013)

It will be a year of deepening my interests, taking leaps into action and charting ways.
Excited to work towards that! Keep going

instarstwined · 12-13-2011 12:05 AM

Just a quick update.

I havent been updating for awhile as life has been real busy. First it was the 21DJC which was great. Secondly, I've finally embarked on the part-time diploma in special education.

It's been real tiring, but so interesting. Been really busy studying and working, and have an assignment to complete as well. Things are moving fast, but in the right direction now

One thing i've noticed though, while im excited about life and working towards my goals... there seems to be few people i can share that with. my friends and all know that i have these plans roughly, but i dont share with them too many details as i feel some of them have the tendency to be 'naysayers', generally people who are happy with being where they are in life and do not see the need to actively pursue something to be better.

I feel like they must think im odd, and i feel odd myself when i hang out with my friends... like why cant i just be like them, content, instead of striving to be better? Striving to reach my passion and taking brave steps makes me feel better about myself, and excited about my development & growth in life, but not having friends to share that with can get a little lonely. how do i find like-minded friends who can share in my growth & development goals, who understand... without alienating my current friends?

instarstwined · 05-27-2012 10:24 PM

Wow.. i havent been here for the whole of 2012. I have missed this place!
The first quarter of 2012 has been... frankly, quite hellish at work. It was a busy period for us, made worse because 2 of my colleagues in my section (out of 5) quit... so the rest of us had to really work extra hard. The politics was also quite bad, but I wasnt really bothered by it as I was too busy trying to keep myself from drowning in all that work.

That big project ended in end-march, and since then... I have been recovering. before that I had no time to myself at all... i had to work through out the weekends, and would feel so so so depressed at the amount of work I had to do. It was like shoveling snow when there's a snow storm. I even had nightmares and dreamt about work and the stuff that could go wrong.

I am thankful for the experience though. because of that hellish busy stressful period, I have proven to myself and everyone at work that I am capable of doing good work when it comes to the crunch. I feel proud of myself for that. I have also gotten closer to my big boss, as I had to work closely with her often this year.

Makes me have a little regret that it's time to move on... I had plans since late 2011 to quit my job and move on. It was time.. after 2.5 years there. I am thankful for all the experience I had there.. but I knew it was not my passion, and while it was comfortable and I am competent.. I knew i could not be lazy and cowardly and just stay there forever just because I was scared of the 'danger' and uncertainty in trying to live out my dreams.

So I tendered my resignation and ended work with my employer in early May. It was a brave thing on my part and took a lot of courage.

Reviewing what I wrote the last time I was here in 2011 -
- I will pursue my part-time diploma in special education
- Quit in April (As I still need $$$$ to save up)
- Get a job in working with special needs children
- Apply for my masters programme in educational psychology (And get in for 2013)

I have done the first two so far

I have travelled a little since quitting, and applied for some jobs at special schools, but response has been quite discouraging so far. NO RESPONSE. yes, sigh. So I am still looking for a job working with special needs children while studying part-time.

I am glad I have more time to study, and am paying more attention to my studies now. The lessons are so interesting and I definitely can concentrate more on learning now that I am not working full time at my old job. I also had the time to exercise more, and do a short attachment with some special schools now that I am no longer working with my previous employer.

Tomorrow, I have made up my mind to call some of the special schools to chat and express my interest to work for them.. since they did not respond to my resume. Wish me luck! This kind of adds to my self-doubt, but I constantly need to remind myself to believe in myself.

I know what I want to do, I just have to stop pressurising myself and believe in myself & do my best. Maybe I shld set up a challenge on self-believe, positive thinking and law of attraction soon.

As for the last item, I no longer want to do that masters programme.. have refined my purpose

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Nicole's life journal <3
Author	Message