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Moirawr · 07-15-2011 08:55 AM

Okay, I guess it's time for another update!

I've just been so darned tired lately. I've had one day off in the last two and a half weeks and I really wasn't able to relax that day, I think due to the fact that my body was stuck in overdrive. I've been more than a little overwhelmed at work because turns out that things haven't been done right in a long time and they expect me to fix it. So I'm just a bit tired and run down.

I'm trying to stay positive and for the most part this has been working out for me but I've still been a bit angry at a few things. Still working on it though.

I am so exhausted right now and it's just before 6pm here. That pretty much sums up my last couple of weeks.

On the plus side, my diet has been pretty great up until today. I may have had a BBQ beef sandwich, which was effectively one of the first meals I've had with meat in it for several weeks. But even then, I don't think I'm over the calories I should have had. So not too worried about that. I am fairly certain that I've lost ten to fifteen pounds now but I can't be too certain because I do not own a scale. I do know I've become fascinated with the orthomolecular sciences and making sure I am getting all the right nutrients for my body. That has been a lot of why I've changed my diet lately to include far more plants than anything else . I'm not about to change to a raw diet though, I like my oatmeal and rice quite a bit and I eat way too much and am never full when I am eating a raw fruit and vegetable only diet.

In the interest of disclosure, yoga is still going strong every morning. So is my writing.

I have been spending quite a bit of time watching random documentaries on Netflix lately instead of reading, but I plan to finish the two books on my nightstand here soon.

I'm a little depressed because my boyfriend will be going back to Guatemala in a little bit less than two weeks. So I am excited that I have this whole weekend off, but I am not sure what we are going to do. I think the plans have something to do with getting out of my house and being no where near a television the whole time. Maybe swimming and the park and the aquarium might be nice. We shall see.

T.L. · 07-15-2011 01:20 PM

Sorry to hear you're so rundown. I think our bodies just kind of have that rhythm where we seem to be full of energy and then the next week your just zapped.

Good for you for losing weight, of course if that's what you wanted! I would have a very hard time doing just a fruit and plant-based diet. I love those things but I would have a very hard time getting enough protein I think and I'm the most boring and uncreative cook.

Sorry to hear the boyfriend is leaving. Not quite sure what your arrangement is and how often you get to see him, but it's always hard to be separated.

Moirawr · 07-16-2011 07:17 AM

It's been very crazy at work. I think I can finally admit that I am unhappy in my current position, though apparently I got a promotion no one told me about because they asked if I was the office lead today and my manager said yes! I am not sure how I feel about that and I think I will be glad if I get this new job or if I just go back to my normal routine when my direct supervisor gets back from maternity leave. (If she comes back, she kept threatening not to!) It's been crazy hectic at work and I let that affect my life a bit more than I should.

I'm happy about losing the weight as long as I don't start to look skeletal. I am not looking to do a completely fruit and vegetable diet like some people here on the forums are into, but I am trying to make it my main meal at night right before bed.

I think, however, I am going to do a juice fast after my boyfriend leaves and when my Mom comes to visit because she promised to buy me a juicer for my birthday! Whoo!

I love cooking and would love to share recipes with you. You can do so much cool stuff with food! (This is probably why I will never truly be a vegetarian!) Let me know if you are ever willing to experiment and I can point you at some amazing websites!

My boyfriend and I have a loose arrangement where he spends five or so months here with his visitors visa and then later I go visit for a couple weeks, or perhaps a couple months depending on what my job will allow. (I'm currently thinking that if I do not get this amazing job that I just interviewed for, I will quit my current job after Christmas and stay in Guatemala for several months before coming back and trying for something that is more what I want when I get back.) He will be back sometime next year and hopefully I will be there before then.

Neither of us has any desire to rush into marriage. We're both of the mind that if we get married, it is going to be the one time we do that. Many people just suggest I marry him so he can get a visa, but it's not what we want out of our relationship right now.

Matt · 07-19-2011 03:57 PM

Hey, Moira. Congratulations on losing weight! 15 pounds is awesome! Is that since beginning your journal in January?

It's great to see that you are working so hard in your current position. Good luck with the new job opportunity but I'm sure going to Guatemala would be fun too. Have you ever been there? I can't remember if you said you have visited there or not. Let me ask you this: Do you REALLY want this new job or do you kind of hope you don't get it so you can go to Guatemala? Hope that's not insulting but just guessing that travel and spending time with your boyfriend may be more exciting than this new job.

Moirawr · 07-19-2011 10:48 PM

While there are some cons to getting this new job that I have mulled over quite a bit, heading off to Guatemala is not one of them. I would be getting paid time off after the new year if I took the new job and would be eligible for two weeks so I could still head down there, if not for as long. (But I'd be getting paid, which is nice!)

My cons for taking the new job if it is offered to me is that it would be harder than in my current position to go back to school. My current position may or may not want to work with me going back to school but I am pretty sure they would eventually. The new job would be a dedicated 40 hours of work each week, weekends off. So it would limit me to night or early morning classes.

However, I would take the job if they offer it to me because it's a very big and reputable company that I would be proud to say I work for. There would be many opportunities for growth and it wouldn't be completely impossible for me to go to school while working there.

After weighing all the pros and cons, I am slightly disappointed that they have not called me yet but I am thinking that may still be the fault of my background check. I've lived a lot of places that they need to check into.

Glenn · 07-20-2011 07:23 AM

Hi Moira, that sucks about your boyfriend having to leave again soon. In many cases though, that kind of separation can help make you closer. Great if you can visit often though. But two weeks won't be much time if you get the job, and having to wait until ext year too. But I'm sure you'll figure out a good solution that will work best for you.

T.L. · 07-20-2011 08:22 AM

(07-19-2011 10:48 PM)Moirawr Wrote: After weighing all the pros and cons, I am slightly disappointed that they have not called me yet but I am thinking that may still be the fault of my background check. I've lived a lot of places that they need to check into.

It's so hard to sit around and wait!!! Hopefully you get exactly what you want!

Moirawr · 07-20-2011 07:17 PM

Even with my current job, I would have to wait until next year so that is not really a con. I could quit my current job before then but it would cause a lot of difficulties for the people around me and I am just not into that.

stacey_dream · 07-20-2011 09:19 PM

This is so unfair to my mind, that we often have to choose between relationship and career. It doesn't mean that we should give up one for the sake of the other, but the one we don't choose ends up getting less attention and time of ours.

I've been thinking about my family and career lately: whether I wanna become a success first or I'd rather have kids and be a housewife (which isn't in my character anyway). So I decided that hopefully there's a long long life in front of me which I'll be able to spend with my family, that's why now my job is more important. With money and career it's easier to achieve other goals, the family ones as well.

So I hope you get this job and I support your choice! :hug:

Moirawr · 07-21-2011 06:48 AM

I have to admit, I am having a bit of a bad week. I'm not the first person to share when I am struggling usually and I've been trying quite hard to be looking on the bright side lately but it really hasn't seemed to be working.

Firstly, I have mentioned that I recently came to the realization that I am no longer happy in my job. I don't think coming to that realization helped me all that much because now I am usually angry or annoyed before I even walk into work most mornings. It's like the adrenaline starts pumping in the car on the way there as my body prepares to do battle with all the things that can and will go wrong that day. So I'm already strung up even before I get there and start my day.

I think I need to quit. But 1) I really don't feel comfortable doing that until I have another job and 2) I'd feel really badly because I took over the office lead position while my boss was out on maternity leave and she won't be back for another two months.

I am still having the issue with getting my poor car registered. That's not going too well either. That sad fact is, I don't even want to own a car. I would rather bike around anyway but I am not sure how well that will serve me in the cooler winter months! So I find this whole ordeal to be unnecessarily frustrating. Maybe if I actually owned a bike, I would just blow the whole car issue off and park the thing at my Grandma's house. I wish I lived in a bit more of a bike friendly city anyhow.

Details of the car issue, if you are interested is that I cannot pass the emissions test. Not because my car blows black smoke or releases gas into the air... I pass both of those portions just fine. But the on board computer chip is malfunctioning and tells them that my car is either not running, or in such bad shape it cannot possibly hold together. This is quite an expensive fix and probably costs more than my car is actually worth. Obviously, no dice.

I really just have this horrible desire to run away from everything, which I know has never actually solved anything. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to disconnect from my life. I am making a lot of progress on many of my inner goals and my health and fitness goals, but my life doesn't really correspond to many of my other goals at all. I think one of my biggest problems is that I do not have goals like many of you here seem to have. I do not care what I do, as long as I am happy. I have a preference, of course, but I haven't quite chased after it yet. I do not want a lot of money. I just want enough to be comfortable and to do as many enjoyable things as possible (traveling, eating amazing food, etc.)

I am not even sure how to make goals that correspond to those. My goals are a lot less tangible than others, I think. I think that is why I have been struggling to find my main path. I am doing well on the things I have set my mind to. My yoga is still going strong, though I took two days off due to the extreme sunburn on my shoulders, back and arms. My diet is still pretty good, though I did indulge a bit today. Nothing too horrible and out of my range though. The tangible goals I have done fairly well on, amazingly well seeing as how I don't expect perfection.

Funny thing is, Stacey, I would much rather be a housewife than a success in life in terms of money and a job. I'm not saying that I would like to be a trophy wife, even if my boyfriend could provide that sort of lifestyle for me. But I would much rather have an easy going job with open hours so I could spend as much time with my family as possible. (And time by myself devoted to the things I find to be important, my yoga and meditation and dance classes)

I think that is one of the more minor reasons I am drawn to languages other than my love of other cultures and interest and enjoyment at hearing other people speak in other languages. I think it would be possible to be more of a free-lance translator.

At least being able to take the other job, if offered to me, would offer more money and practical application experience for the long run. I think that would be helpful and maybe I would even find that I liked a normal 9-5 job.

But at this moment, I am having trouble keeping hopes up about that as well. It has just been a long day and I am tired of everything.

T.L. · 07-22-2011 12:29 AM

The job: I know it totally sucks to hate your job. Can you channel your energy into setting aside maybe 30 minutes a day to solely focus on job searching? I know sometimes I hate advice when someone "doesn't know my situation entirely" so I hope that's not overstepping my boundaries. Just know that I have empathy for your situation.

Goals: I think it's totally OK you don't have specific goals right now. maybe you will later, maybe you won't. And some people hate that word entirely. We are learning in life coaching school to tread lightly with the word goals with our clients. Some people get petrified with that word and it seems like such a drag to come up with goals. One alternate word is to have just an intention. An intention about your life, your day, etc. And it sounds like you do! To be happy. To surround yourself with family either now or eventually...

...and as far as being a housewife? Well myself when I was laid off three years ago and started playing a lot of beach volleyball to ease my stress I thought, man I could really do this. I would love to just marry someone with a good job and spend my time volunteering or making videos on my own terms, exercising, etc.

And who knows, maybe that's how it will turn out, but for me I have to expect that that might not happen and I have to make a living, and if I'm going to do that I need to make the best living I know how that makes me happy. So again basically I don't think you need to feel bad about what you would really like!

Hope the car situation turns out OK for you! Sending good thoughts....

Moirawr · 07-22-2011 09:16 AM

Thank you for your kind words, TL. And you are right, people can be really taken aback when others offer advice on sensitive subjects but I would not have put it here if I didn't think I could handle it. Like I mentioned, I am not the best about sharing when I am down unlike quite a few members here who actively look for help on their bad days. So I tend not to post these things except when I am in need of a wake up call.

I have contemplated the idea that I am just not a goal person. This may be true as much as I hate to admit it. I have mentioned previously here that I actually call the list of things I want to do a list of habits I want to have. Because the things I want out of life are continuous things, not lines to cross.

Sometimes I have a hard time because I cannot come up with goals which lots of people seem to think that everyone should have. And I don't exactly disagree. I want to be somewhere in my life, it's just not as tangible as the places the people I know want to be. I'd like to live by the beach, but I don't care where I live... how much money I make or most other things that are ways to quantify success.

I have to admit that even my bucket list is not all that impressive compared to some. But I don't necessarily think it is a bad thing that I am easily satisfied. The things I like to focus on are arguably the most important things in life. (If I were rich and lived in my dream house, life would be a bore without good friends and healthy hobbies!)

In regards to the housewife idea, I don't ever actually see myself doing that as much as I may like the idea. At least not completely. I think the best I could do is to have a loose job that would allow me to spend quite a bit of time at home with the kids. That would be good enough for me. I just have no desire to get to the point where there would be two full time working parents in the home and children being raised by television and the internet. That is the complete opposite of what I want, but a valid concern seeing as how it is so prevalent here in the states.

I am trying to fix the car situation, but it is definitely taking longer than I would like. I may have to find a way to prove I live with my Grandparents and register it in their county where such emissions tests are not required. (I'd feel worse about this if it weren't just a computer problem and I actually couldn't pass an emissions test, but my car really isn't much more of a hazard to the environment than any other car out there.)

Okay, time for some good news though. I got an e-mail today requesting I go in for a drug test for the job that I had the interview for a week or so ago! My background check must have cleared and I assume they intend to hire me since they are paying to have the drug test done.

Matt · 07-22-2011 01:31 PM

Moira, your awesome. Thanks for sharing everything. I'm sorry that you are facing so much with frustration wit your job, your car registration, and separation from your boyfriend.

I'm happy to hear you got an email confirming you are still be considered for the new job. Congratulations. You seem to be working so hard an doing so much. I am confident you will find work that fulfills you.

Moirawr · 07-27-2011 04:47 AM

I know I haven't been posting all that much, but I have been reading everyone's updates! You guys are fantastic and I love watching you learn and grow!

Quick update, I got pulled over the day I had to drop my boyfriend off at the airport and the police took away my license plates because here in New Mexico, the plates belong to the person and they were the plates from when my Mom owned the car. It was pretty awful. I had to borrow my brother-in-law's car to take my honey to the airport and my sisters bike to get to work the next morning. (Wow, that was a workout!)

However, I have now gotten everything fixed and they agreed to extend my emissions testing for another year so I have time to get it fixed. Or more likely, buy a better car this coming year! Actually, I am considering getting a scooter because I don't really travel outside of the city except with my sister who has a car. We shall see about this though because I am not sure I can deal with the winter months here without protection from the wind. It gets awfully windy here and at freezing, that's highly unpleasant.

Once I stopped focusing on the problem and started focusing on the solution, it resolved itself pretty quickly. (Duh! Who would have thought?)

I'm still getting used to not having my boyfriend around all of the time. Oftentimes there is no one in my house when I get up and leave for work. Though I think people should probably find that amusing that I go to work the latest in my household and that is at 5:45am. My brother-in-law works overnights at the airport and my sister works even earlier than I do!

So I am probably going to spend an awful lot of time working on myself and reading. This can only be a good thing for me, I think. I'll use this time to learn and grow as a person and maybe when we see each other again, I will be a better person and less mean to him as I sometimes have a habit of being.

I still have not heard from the company I interviewed with but I am still convinced it will only be a matter of time before I hear from them. There was no reason to drug test me if they did not want to hire me.

So all in all, things are going much better now that I have my mind out of all the problems going on and focusing on the things that I have going for me.

Oh, and for Stacey, I finally read The Secret. I was slightly more impressed with the book than I was with the movie, which is not saying too much. I think there are much better books about the Law of Attraction. But at least it reminded me that it was something I needed to be working on. I can be bad about focusing on the bad things in my life instead of the good things.

T.L. · 07-28-2011 01:19 AM

Glad things sorta worked out with the car. You sound like you're in a great mindset right now. Keep up the good work!

Moirawr · 07-28-2011 04:25 AM

I decided to get serious about making the conscious choice to be a happy person. It has been one of my goals for a long time and it definitely could be named as my biggest goal in life completely. I consider everything else to be an offshoot of this concept.

The only way that this can happen is if I stay positive. So I am doing my best to do so. If I am too focused on all the problems, then I won't see the good things in my life and there are an awful lot of those.

Like you guys, for instance. In case I never mention it enough, I am so grateful to have a support group here. You are all wonderful and amazing and keep me going on my low days.

Matt · 07-29-2011 03:25 AM

And we are grateful to have you, Moira!

Sorry to hear you got pulled over. Will you be able to drive the car again when you pay for new plates? I had not idea New Mexico had emissions laws. I would guys that you would probably see fewer old cars on the road than in other parts of the country. At least you have another year to fix the issue or get another vehicle though. Driving a scooter would have a few drawbacks but I gotta say I think it would be pretty badass :mrgreen:

Sorry to hear that your boyfriend is gone now. At least your looking at the situation as an opportunity rather than getting upset about it. I assume you will be joining the new challenge on the blog. You stated you wanted to improve yourself and then *bam!* a challenge appears on the blog focusing on just that. It's like a little boost from the Universe.

I haven't read The Secret book yet but I did watch the movie. I liked it but at the same time I can \see why some would be turned off by it. What other books have you read on the law of attraction. The only other ones I know are written by Abraham/Esther hicks or whatever she calls herself.

Moirawr · 07-29-2011 08:22 PM

I got my new plates the other day and my car is perfectly legal to drive for the next year so I am pretty excited about that but I am going to have to be careful about my spending so I can afford a new car or a scooter, or preferably both. I think it would be pretty awesome in the warmer months but less cool in the winter!

Yeah, I thought that was kind of awesome too how I mentioned that was something I wanted to work on and Celes was right there in the same basket with her ideas. I am very grateful for that to be the case. My boyfriend also decided to join there and on the forums so you may see him floating around. I believe he has already introduced himself.

I actually haven't read books that focus mainly on the Law of Attraction but it's a common law touted by almost every decent self help guru and not in so much of an in your face and impractical way as I found The Secret to be.

Also, I wanted to share this song with everyone. I found it yesterday on Spotify on Shaggy's new album and I'm in love and it's my new morning anthem as I get ready for work! http://youtu.be/SBN2jYuGoKo

Moirawr · 08-02-2011 03:00 AM

I am super excited to be on day two of the 30 days to a better me challenge now. I am enjoying everything about it.

I also have 20 Hot Yoga classes that I am signed up for and today is day one. I have 30 days to take all 20 classes, but I am hoping that I can do all 20 in a row. We shall see how that works out though. I am super excited about this.

Matt · 08-02-2011 12:27 PM

Have you finished day 2 already. By the time I logged in this afternoon and posted my Day 1 work there were already 200+ responses to day 1 and 90+ respnonses to day two even though it's only the first! This kind of makes me feel like I'm behind

I keep hearing so much about yoga. I'm going to see if I can find a yoga video on YouTube and try it tomorrow morning. I'll let you know how it goes.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Moira's Best Life Journal, version 2011
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