Post: #1

Hi i am 22 yrs old and a male i am going to college right now. I have some major issues going on in my life right now. I fell like my whole life has been a waste, or at least the past 6 years starting from highschool to now. I dont have any friends right now and i feel like i have no one to talk to. I dont have a job and i am barely learning to drive as such i feel like a loser. All i have is my family which is my mom and dad and brother, but i dont feel like i can full open up to them. I have never really had a gf either and it makes me feel worse. There is also something that happend just recently that i have been having a hard time to get over. I have this cousin who i have known since we were little kids. She is going to college right now also and i used to be real close to her when we were younger. But recently when she was in highschool or for the past 2 years we grew apart, we stopped spending time together and stopped talking. At first i let it go by, as it thought that she was just doing the normal thing teens do her age learning to grow up and she was trying to live her life ie. going out with friends, going to parties and boyfriends. Now that i look back on it, it felt as she was ignoring all the time and never payed attention to me. But just recently we met for christmas and i just couldnt handle it anymore so i got the guts to talk to her and we sort of hit it off.It amazed me that all these years all i had to go and try to talk to her. We spend christmas and new years eve together at family gatherings. For the most part we did well and enjoyed each others company, we talked and joked with each other and it was fun. We also live a good distance away from each other so before i left i asked for her phone number so next time we could meet up and hang out or talk. Well recently i called her once for her birhtday and she answered and we started talking about school and and our families and life. The next time i called her she didnt answer it was kind of late too arouond 10pm but i know she usually goes to sleep late. I called her a second time and left her a message telling her to call me back when she had time. It is now the next day and i feel so dissapointed that she didnt call me back and i feel somewhat depressed. I feel like she is avoiding me but i dont know why if i am her cousin. I always have to call her and she never calls me back. I have never told her exactly how i feel and care about her so much but i feels like i get nothing in return and even thought she makes me happy at times, most of the the time she makes me feel bad even if it is not direclty like she isnt mean to me but she doesnt show any real emotions towards me. And i have read up on relationships on the personal excellence article and the best thing do with negative relationships is to end them, but she is my cousin how i can i just completely cut off my relationship wiht her, especially since my mother and her mother are sisters are very close.So you can imagine that we do see each other alot at family get togethers. I just dont know what to do we seem to get fine together, she does confide in me sometimes, she seems comfortable talking to me but other times she seems so distant and almost apathatic to me. So there, i feel like my life is spiraling out of control and wasting away and it gets worser, i really dont know what to do at times i feel empty inside and sometimes contemplate suicide. What should i do? I really need some advice. And srry for the long post i felt like i needed to get it out.

Post: #2

Hi Dan.

I don´t know were to start. I´m not that good with relationships myself, but I hope I can be of some help.

Now take a few steps back so that you can think things through. What are the things that right now make you unconfortable, the things you can´t stop worrying about? Once you have that, think. What can you do to change that? Is there something you can do, maybe change your attitude towards something, look at things from a different perspective? If there is something you can do about that something that is worrying you, make a plan and start acting. If there is nothing you can do, then, why worry?

From what you´ve said, it seems you´ve been having a hard time this past few years. You need to reflect on that. What is it that you don´t like about these past six years? What would you have changed, what would you have done differently? Is there something you can do about it now? And remember, you didn´t waste those six years, there is always a lesson to learn. You are 22 years old, you have plenty of time to reorganize your life and do what you´ve always dreamed of doing if you´re not happy with your life right now. You just need a dream to follow and a lot of courage and strength to make the right decisions.

Sometimes is hard to find people to talk to, people who would listen to you. Try talking to your parents, you are their son, they´re always going to be there for you and ready to listen to what you have to say. Try meeting new people, maybe join a club that does something you like or do some volunteer work. You´ll meet really amazing people, you just have to give them a chance.

Don´t feel bad about not having a girlfriend or about not having your license. There is plenty of time for that and you are definetely not a loser because of it. I don´t have my license or a boyfriend either and I´m the happiest person on earth, I don´t feel bad at all because of it. Who says you need a girlfriend or piece of paper to feel great about yourself? If you want a job, make an action plan and look for something that will fit your schedule and that you like. Once you´ve find that job fight for it.

About the problem with your cousin. People are very complicated, and the only person we can really get to know is ourselves. You don´t know what is going through her head or what is really going on in her life. Maybe you´re not the person she needs to have close right now. But that doesn´t mean you have to stop talking to her. If you feel this relationship is not going anywhere then talk to her. Tell her you´ll be there for her if she needs anything, tell her you really appreciate her friendship but tell her how you feel. That you would like for her to return your calls, talk once in a while.

You have a long and beatiful live ahead of you. So many cool things to do, places to go, people to meet. YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. You just need to rethink your purpose in life and your goals. Once you know that, go for it. It might take you a year or ten years, but if you´re fighting for what you want then life will be worth it.

We´ll be here to support you and give you advice whenever you need it. Smile, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT, no matter how difficult.
I really hope things get better for you. Please tell us what you´ve decided to do. Good luck!!

Post: #3

Dan,

It sounds like you really do need someone to talk to. Since you are in college, you may have access to counseling at the college. Do check into that! I worked at the Student Counseling Center when I was getting my master's degree, and I can tell you that the students who came to us were not losers. They were top students, popular, accomplished, and impressive. But most of them FELT like losers. So let me encourage you to seek out this resource.

If that is not an option, perhaps there is something through a local church or religious organization. In the US, many churches have a Celebrate Recovery program that is not for addicts. There are also groups like GROW and some 12-Step grous that are not specific to any problem.

Also, and this is very important, have you seen a doctor? Because this problem has been going on for so long, it might indicate a health issue that should be addressed.

As Elezahara said, you have a long life ahead of you. Don't let this drag on, because the prospect of years more of what you're going through is pretty daunting, and you deserve better!

Post: #4

(01-14-2012 05:13 AM)elezhara Wrote:  Hi Dan.

I don´t know were to start. I´m not that good with relationships myself, but I hope I can be of some help.

Now take a few steps back so that you can think things through. What are the things that right now make you unconfortable, the things you can´t stop worrying about? Once you have that, think. What can you do to change that? Is there something you can do, maybe change your attitude towards something, look at things from a different perspective? If there is something you can do about that something that is worrying you, make a plan and start acting. If there is nothing you can do, then, why worry?

From what you´ve said, it seems you´ve been having a hard time this past few years. You need to reflect on that. What is it that you don´t like about these past six years? What would you have changed, what would you have done differently? Is there something you can do about it now? And remember, you didn´t waste those six years, there is always a lesson to learn. You are 22 years old, you have plenty of time to reorganize your life and do what you´ve always dreamed of doing if you´re not happy with your life right now. You just need a dream to follow and a lot of courage and strength to make the right decisions.

Sometimes is hard to find people to talk to, people who would listen to you. Try talking to your parents, you are their son, they´re always going to be there for you and ready to listen to what you have to say. Try meeting new people, maybe join a club that does something you like or do some volunteer work. You´ll meet really amazing people, you just have to give them a chance.

Don´t feel bad about not having a girlfriend or about not having your license. There is plenty of time for that and you are definetely not a loser because of it. I don´t have my license or a boyfriend either and I´m the happiest person on earth, I don´t feel bad at all because of it. Who says you need a girlfriend or piece of paper to feel great about yourself? If you want a job, make an action plan and look for something that will fit your schedule and that you like. Once you´ve find that job fight for it.

About the problem with your cousin. People are very complicated, and the only person we can really get to know is ourselves. You don´t know what is going through her head or what is really going on in her life. Maybe you´re not the person she needs to have close right now. But that doesn´t mean you have to stop talking to her. If you feel this relationship is not going anywhere then talk to her. Tell her you´ll be there for her if she needs anything, tell her you really appreciate her friendship but tell her how you feel. That you would like for her to return your calls, talk once in a while.

You have a long and beatiful live ahead of you. So many cool things to do, places to go, people to meet. YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. You just need to rethink your purpose in life and your goals. Once you know that, go for it. It might take you a year or ten years, but if you´re fighting for what you want then life will be worth it.

We´ll be here to support you and give you advice whenever you need it. Smile, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT, no matter how difficult.
I really hope things get better for you. Please tell us what you´ve decided to do. Good luck!!

---

Ty guys for the support, i really appreciate it. I plan to look for job in the coming weeks and college is starting soon. I also plan on volunterring at a local hospital, i plan on changing my life completely around. My parents have started teaching me how to drive which is good even though they are still a bit hesitant. It really is hard to find someone to talk to, even though i want to talk to my parents about how i feel, i am scared they will look at me in a bad way. I feel like i need to seek some medical help like a doctor, but i will have to find the courage to talk to my parents before i do that, because i dont have insurance to pay for a doctor. As for my cousin i called her up and talked to her on the phone but it didnt go as planned. I didnt fully express how i felt since i was getting a little emotional. When i told her that i sometimes felt like she didnt care about me she brought excuses. I was going to tell her that i really cared for her, but it just didnt come out. I asked her how she saw me as a cousin and if i was a good cousin, she only said that i was her cousin and that was it. She also said that she doesnt talk to her cousins alot. I couldnt understand her, she sounded almost childish to me. The hardest part is , from talking to her that night i learned that she couldnt make me happy, because we seemed like two compleletly different people and she seemed almost apathatic towards me she didnt know how to respond towards me. Idk what do but i probably wont call her again.

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Its hard realizing that this person[my cousin] i had grown up loving my whole life is now so completely different and is not the same person i learned to love. She lives in her own little world now and i shouldnt say this but she is ignorant to alot of things even my feelings. It will be hard but i think the best thing to do is to let her live her own life and i need live me own, i need to stop trying to control her life and start living mine. Even if that means i have to stop talking to her or being with her only then i think i can really be happy.