Post: #1

Hi everyone,

I'd really appreciate your advice on something

The more work I do on my personal development (and I'm doing the 30BBM programme at the moment so the past few days have been quite intense for that), the more of a difference I see between the 'me' of today and the 'me' of, say, a couple of years ago. This is a good thing, right? I'm proud of how far I've come and it makes me optimistic for the future.

The problem is, I look back on the 'me' of the past and I feel really uncomfortable with some of the things that I did. I can think of times when I was lazy, selfish, inconsiderate and just downright nasty. I know that I was going through a really tough time back then and I would probably have said that I was doing the best I could in the circumstances, but looking back on it with hindsight, I feel awful!

I've tried a few things to remedy this, including apologising to the people who were affected, meditating, trying to remember that it was in the past and I cannot change it now, that it was a springboard to change, etc, etc - but nothing really helps. I can't look at my past without a certain degree of shame, and that's become a lot more pronounced as my personal development work has taken off.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to forgive myself and move on? Ideally, I'd like to be able to be thankful for everything that happened as it ultimately made me a better person - but looking back, it almost feels like too high a price to pay when it led to some people being hurt.

Thank you.

Post: #2

Hey squiggle! You are running ahead of the group. Day 25 of 30BBM is on forgiving yourself, so you are going to find the task very relevant to everything you mentioned here. I'd recommend that you hold off on this task until Day 25 later this month, where you get to do with the group, or you can read the task in advance and do it first as you do the current task of the program (it's Day 10 as of this posting). Day 24 is also suitably relevant (on righting a past wrong), but it feels that Day 25 is the task that you are looking for.

The gist of forgiving yourself is to understand the grievances that you are holding on to. As you mentioned, you have tried to remedy these situations in the past, but you still feel stuck with these past situations, and there is a certain degree of shame that you have been associating with them. There is definitely something (some debris, some impurities, some grievances) that have been "stuck" with these past situations that are not processed yet. Delving into them and dislodging them (part of Day 25's task) will be the key to letting go and finally forgiving yourself.

"If you want to get something you have never gotten before, you've to do something you've never done before."
Personal Excellence - For people passionate about achieving excellence in life

Post: #3

Oh! I haven't actually read ahead in the guidebook - I like the 'surprise' of looking at the next day's task the night before and discovering what I'm going to be doing - so I didn't realise there was a whole day dedicated to this. Fantastic! I'll look forward to it, thank you Celes.

Post: #4

Hey squiggle, no you're totally doing it right! Ideally the participants should just read and do the task when the day comes (or one day in advance). I look forward to going through Days 24-25 with you when they come!

"If you want to get something you have never gotten before, you've to do something you've never done before."
Personal Excellence - For people passionate about achieving excellence in life