Post: #21

Day 10. I have been trying with only one cup of coffee in the morning. I wasn't thinking when i made the second cup before noon. But nothing after that. It's really bad because I got such a good deal on the keurig machine I have on my desk at work.... But I'm trying. At least it was only two cups and no more.

Day 11. Until July of 2011, I think I have really over come my pitfalls with food. I use to use it as comfort food. Something to keep my low self-esteem going as well. Before July I know that was an easy way too stay up with my low self-esteem with my fat body, and ugly looks.

But I have made changes in my life. And I'm finally over the fact that i don't need the food to bring me down and keep me down.

To be honest, today I had an epiphany as to why I loved to eat food. I use to think it was because the trigger that told my body was delayed. So I would eat and eat until i was physically too full to eat. And my brain was just delaying to tell me I was full. The epiphany was something else. It was something that happened a long time ago when I was a child, and I used food as a form of comfort. And I think it started the whole, I need to maintain this over weight body, to maintain an ugly look. To avoid trying to find comfort and acceptance from a humans, it was easier on my mind to get this from food and even in-animate objects.

I shared this epiphany with my accountability partner today. It was a start of a closure process in my life. I feel from now on it's going be easier to close that part of my chapter in my life. Because I know what broke it. And I don't have to wonder if this is the right way to fix it. Acknowledging the past, reflecting on it, learn from it, forgive, and no move on. Thank you.

Post: #22

Dear Ken,

Your honesty is admirable. It is your biggest ally against crippling negative beliefs. One day, after you search within your soul long enough, a certainty will come upon you; a certainty that you are beautiful, worthy, strong and good. Full of respect towards your body who houses your heart, your mind and your spirit. Without the need to hide your beauty from the whole world to see. Full of reverence towards your uniquness and greatness so you can share it with the others through love, friendship and laughter.

This day will come I know for sure. It came upon me after decades of feeling less. And when it comes it will stay with you for good. There will be no need to medicate your sorrows with food.

Healing is a process of becoming whole. Many of us search for this state via relationship, work, hobbies, pursuit of passions, excesses of food, drink, TV addiction and such.. but the state of being whole is our birth right. We were born whole, for hours admiring our toes and fingers wiggling in the air at the age of 6 months.. full of wonder.. void of even 1 negative thought..

We just need to remember. "Ugly" is a blasphemy to your wonderfulness.. forget this word even exists..

Hugs,
Success

(01-12-2012 02:30 PM)Ken_K Wrote:  Day 10. I have been trying with only one cup of coffee in the morning. I wasn't thinking when i made the second cup before noon. But nothing after that. It's really bad because I got such a good deal on the keurig machine I have on my desk at work.... But I'm trying. At least it was only two cups and no more.

Day 11. Until July of 2011, I think I have really over come my pitfalls with food. I use to use it as comfort food. Something to keep my low self-esteem going as well. Before July I know that was an easy way too stay up with my low self-esteem with my fat body, and ugly looks.

But I have made changes in my life. And I'm finally over the fact that i don't need the food to bring me down and keep me down.

To be honest, today I had an epiphany as to why I loved to eat food. I use to think it was because the trigger that told my body was delayed. So I would eat and eat until i was physically too full to eat. And my brain was just delaying to tell me I was full. The epiphany was something else. It was something that happened a long time ago when I was a child, and I used food as a form of comfort. And I think it started the whole, I need to maintain this over weight body, to maintain an ugly look. To avoid trying to find comfort and acceptance from a humans, it was easier on my mind to get this from food and even in-animate objects.

I shared this epiphany with my accountability partner today. It was a start of a closure process in my life. I feel from now on it's going be easier to close that part of my chapter in my life. Because I know what broke it. And I don't have to wonder if this is the right way to fix it. Acknowledging the past, reflecting on it, learn from it, forgive, and no move on. Thank you.

Post: #23

Thank you very much for your kind words...
I'm kind of an emotional wreck today, but it's a good wreck.

Again thank you so much!

Post: #24

For Day 12. Before yesterday I was in Group C/D. But now I'm in Group A. I seriously found closure to my eating issues the other day. A break through of almost 30 years of pain, and mental anguish, from just one though of the day. It was a very emotional day for me. But it has brought me such a better understanding of my issues, and I feel good about myself so much.

During the gym work out tonight, I was thinking and listening to music. Lately I have been really listening to the words of the songs, and not just listening to the music. And one song came on and I kind of broke down. But I covered my face with a towel to wipe away the tears. It was tears of not joy, or sadness. But more of a relief of finally knowing why my confidence, and self-esteem was so low. Even though co-workers, friends, family would say other wise. They thought they saw confidence, but to me I never gave myself the credit.

I feel so lucky to have someone so special in my life. To have pointed me to this website, and gave me the confidence to do this challenge.

---

I know it's only been only one day since my epiphany but Day 13 of what triggers my food craving, I can confidently say that nothing will trigger my eating any more.

It's not stress that will trigger it. I will deal with stress head on and do my best to take care of it. Eating is not going to make it go away.

I'm not depressed anymore. I use to eat because I knew it tasted good, and it felt good to eat, but I knew it will never hurt me mentally or physically (besides the medical issues I'm dealing with).

I'm not bored anymore. I always have things to do. I do things that add value to my life. Sitting around doing nothing bothers me more than ever. Yes watching TV is still fun, but watching the same show over and over, I'm done with it. I'll still watch my favorite movie, but only if it's on the background during my work out or doing some other activity to bring value to my life.

Eating will not bring any value to my life except to nourish my body. I need fuel to maintain my positive energy, to maintain my values, and goals. I will eat just enough to maintain it.

Post: #25

A poem for Ken from Success

Be Yourself
by Ellen Bailey

Why would you want to be someone else
When you could be better by being yourself
Why pretend to be someone you are not
When you have something they haven't got

Cheating yourself of the life you have to live
Deprives others of that only which you can give
You have much more to offer by being just you
Than walking around in someone else's shoes

Trying to live the life of another is a mistake
It is a masquerade; nothing more than a fake
Be yourself and let your qualities show through
Others will love you more for being just you

Remember that God loves you just as you are
To Him you are already a bright shining star
Family and friends will love you more too
If you spent time practicing just being you.

Ken - believe in yourself.. don't waste another 30 years until you wrinkle up like a dried prune.. :-) there is no time to waste for You. Time is all we have. Today is dying now.

(01-13-2012 02:34 PM)Ken_K Wrote:  For Day 12. Before yesterday I was in Group C/D. But now I'm in Group A. I seriously found closure to my eating issues the other day. A break through of almost 30 years of pain, and mental anguish, from just one though of the day. It was a very emotional day for me. But it has brought me such a better understanding of my issues, and I feel good about myself so much.

During the gym work out tonight, I was thinking and listening to music. Lately I have been really listening to the words of the songs, and not just listening to the music. And one song came on and I kind of broke down. But I covered my face with a towel to wipe away the tears. It was tears of not joy, or sadness. But more of a relief of finally knowing why my confidence, and self-esteem was so low. Even though co-workers, friends, family would say other wise. They thought they saw confidence, but to me I never gave myself the credit.

I feel so lucky to have someone so special in my life. To have pointed me to this website, and gave me the confidence to do this challenge.

Post: #26

(01-13-2012 02:34 PM)Ken_K Wrote:  For Day 12. Before yesterday I was in Group C/D. But now I'm in Group A. I seriously found closure to my eating issues the other day. A break through of almost 30 years of pain, and mental anguish, from just one though of the day. It was a very emotional day for me. But it has brought me such a better understanding of my issues, and I feel good about myself so much.

---

I know it's only been only one day since my epiphany but Day 13 of what triggers my food craving, I can confidently say that nothing will trigger my eating any more.

This is some amazing sh*t. I'm really proud of you, Ken_K. At the same time, keep following your intuition and doing the things/activities that help you maintain your high consciousness level; even increase it. Our consciousness levels usually get a big jump up after each epiphany; the ability to maintain that high consciousness level thereafter is the key to maintaining the benefits we gain.

"If you want to get something you have never gotten before, you've to do something you've never done before."
Personal Excellence - For people passionate about achieving excellence in life

Post: #27

Thank you very much for the kind words!

I could not have done it with out my best friend!

Post: #28

Day 14 part of day 15. Ok it's the caffeine that still get's to me, but I have a new plan. One cup every other day. After week or two, go to one cup ever two days. My end goal will be only a cup of green tea in the evening on Saturday night.

But everything else is still good. Eating the right amount of good foods, drinking the 102 oz of water (easier now with all the time I'm spending the in gym), set a routine gym schedule (it is now after a light dinner, from 7:00-8:30 pm). Nothing is triggering my eating, I'm feeling much better about myself. The TV is off during dinner. The wife and I talk during dinner, but that will be a whole other topic. Counting calories and carbs daily. Only eating what I need to maintain my nutrition. We even went out to eat and I only got a salad for dinner at a Steak place.

Oh some good news my recent blood work. For my A1C levels, it is right on track of me being cured of Type 2. I was just at the higher end of the range of the for Type 2 diabetes in July. This last results now puts me in at the lower range. The next results should put me back into the normal A1C levels which means I'm not Type 2 anymore!

I have been monitoring my Blood sugar three times day 30 minutes after I eat, and it's returning close to the normal range every time. I only take my pill in the morning now. No more in the evening. I actually had a night were my blood sugar dropped very low so I definitely do not need to take the pill after dinner. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to discuss my Rx and maybe see if I should be on a lower amount now. Or to see if its an as needed only basis.

Some other questions for the Doctor, but so far everything seems to be going great with curing myself from Type 2.

Day 16 should not be hard. I never really had a bad posture. But there are always room for improvements.

Post: #29

Day 17, My new years resolution is to flossy every day. So this one is another easy one.

I'm doing well with the caffeine today. Today is my no caffeine day. To combat the craving, I have been drinking more water and club soda. Grand total I'm already over my 8 glasses of water/club soda. I haven't even gone to the Gym yet.

Post: #30

Hi Ken,
Congrats, it sounds like you are doing great. I also have a huge problem cutting down on caffeine, due to my coffee addiction, especially now it's cold here. However, during the challenge I switched to decaf and didn't even notice the difference. I also drink green tea, but without caffeine and I believe it's supposed to be really good for you. Anyhow, just thought you might like to try these ideas, or maybe you already have. I wish you the best of luck for the last few days .

Post: #31

Thank you Bridget for the support. Yes I was looking at the decaf green tea. But I tend to buy the Japanese green tea at the Japanese market, and often they don't have it. But I found it's a third less caffeine than coffee so that is a plus. I tried the lipton green tea and the decaf one too, but I just don't like the taste. Maybe I'm just bias because I'm Asian, but the lipton stuff I think does not taste that good.

But yes green tea is supposed to be very good for the body.

But the biggest plus I found is that Buckwheat Tea or in Japanese Mugi Cha actually has no caffeine at all!
To me it has a mix of both coffee and tea flavor, so I'm going to try this for awhile. And mugi cha both hot and cold is very good.

---

Day 18 - breathing. After reading the example "Key reasons why we breathe this way include being in a constant state of tension (which causes light, shallow breathes), constantly "sucking" in our stomach to look like we have a tighter abdominal/smaller tummy, or possibly negative experiences from the past." It clicked. I need to breathe correctly. Even take time out to just breathe deep. As my accountability has to remind me of often...

I sigh a lot too. So I'm going to take time out to just concentrate on breathing.

I'm going to have to ask my partner if we should try the meditation challenge next.

---

Day 19 - Hug yourself. This one would have been difficult a week ago. I might have actually just quit the challenge all together at this point, but my self-esteem is better. I still have my moments, but at least it's not all the time. But I have learned to at least pat myself on the back mentally. This isn't something I will take lightly either, but it is a challenge that I feel I can do more and more every day.

Post: #32

Well day 19 was a little more difficult to do. There were some situations today that got to me, but by the evening, I helped out a person who needed assistance, and I set a higher goal for myself at the gym and I achieved it. So I feel that I earned the hug today, so I did.

But I'm still in a better place that a week ago. Much better place than a month ago.

Post: #33

Day 20. I have been using fitbit.com to pretty much track everything for the past 20 days. I'm not promoting their product, but it has made my eating choices, the amount of exercise I need to do, and plan my new healthier lifestyle so much easier. At least they have a mobile app so I can update and know what is left for the whole day.

Day 21. I would give myself an 8 on the scale of 1-10. It's a surprise, but with the changes I have made recently health wise, physical, mental and my self-esteem wise, I feel I earned the 8.

The no caffeine is still hard, but I'm doing it. And the hug yourself is a little harder than I expected, but i am going to do that more and more. I didn't say I would try. "Do or Do not, there is no try." - Yoda

One of the biggest accomplishments I felt I have made is with my self esteem. Yes it's great that I have lost weight, I can fit into smaller size clothes, but my self-esteem has gone up so much more. It was due to being over weight, but I have been over weight since I was 19 years old. Up until then my weight as a child was up and down, up and down all the time. But after going to college it stayed up. But I have been able to close a chapter in my life that has hunted me and most likely the cause of my unhealthy eating habits. I know that part of my past is gone. I have reflected on it, learned from it, and most importantly I have forgiven. Now it's a new start. I feel well, I'm motivated to keep making the changes I want in my life, and it's because my self-esteem is so much better.

Thank you Celes for starting the 21 DHC!

And thank you very much to my accountability partner for being there for me. You believed in me right from the beginning. I didn't believe in myself in the beginning, but you have inspired me so much over the past 21 days. (actually it's more than the past 21 days you have inspired me). But anyway, you have made such a tremendous change in my life for the good, that I can not, and I will not fail at anything that becomes a challenge in my life.

Thank you . I know you are reading this, so you need to give yourself a hug too!

Post: #34

Hey Ken!
I found your journal very inspiring.
I love the fact that your self-esteem has gone up! (its such an important thing)
Wish you all the best!

ps. Love the Yoda quote