Hello guys,
I am writing a formal goodbye right now. I have been all over the place the past few days... having real deep thoughts. I kept postponing my fasting because something deep inside me told me that that wasn't going to help, and frankly it is hard to fast when you have no reason to. For once I started looking at the big picture of life.
What I was seeking was a "closure" to these past 2 years. For some reason I had ingrained into my brain that I needed to end this with something profound. something that I will always remember.
And this morning it hit me, probably the biggest realization I have ever made in my life. Life is continuous. Everyone experiences a horrible period in their lives, but the ones that take what they have learned from the experience and move on are the ones who go on to greater things. There will never be a perfect time to begin to re-construct your life, EVER. It all starts with making a powerful and committed decision one night, that you are ready for a new chapter in life. You are ready to put the past behind and make your dream come true.
You make the biggest promise to yourself, and honor it for as long as you live.
I have learned alot during these past months, the most while being on this forum:
What I have learned:
1. Planning VS doing- I have had my fair share of planning over this period. Way too much to count. Plans after plans of how I was going to reconstruct my life, with every single one failing. The only time In my life when I have ever achieved anything I was proud of was I threw out all my plans and just started doing. You KNOW what you have to do in roder to reach your goals. You know that if you want to be fit you have to workout. You know if you you want to get your PHd you need to make a sacrifice and study as hard as you can. It’s time for me to throw out my plans, and just plunge into life.
2. Setting deadlines- I think this can be both + or -. Having deadlines for school for example isn’t bad. But having a deadline for when you want to have your life changed IS in my opinion. You cant set a deadline on that, it just happens as long as you are taking the measures you need to every single day. These kind of deadlines will only make you cave under pressure and result in a roller coaster. IF I had given up setting deadlines and have been patient, i would have reached my ideal life a long time ago.
3. Consistent action VS shortcuts- I have realized the value of consistent action towards your goals, rather than taking “shortcuts”. These shortcuts may seem to work initially, but they usually send you back at point one. Unfortunately we live in a “quick fix” society and I have been carrying this destructive mentality with me for so long
4. Letting go of the past and moving on- I have been clinging to that person I used to be, trying to do everything so I go back to the way I used to be. Today I am letting go of this and creating a new identity for myself.
5. Letting go of everything that has been hindering you from having a good life: IF you REALLY value life, then you would give up anything that is making it negative. For me, I am letting go of all the self harm I have been inflicting on myself (going back and forth between healthy diet and SAD, harming my skin, going on forums). You only get one life. And frankly, I don’t want to be 60 looking back at my life thinking of how I wasted my 20s not living life to the fullest because I of the actions I took. Whatever it is: smoking, being overweight, ext, anyone can put an end right now, by deciding that you aren’t going to let anything steal your chance at a happy life again.
And Finally, I know the kind of person I want to be.. and the best thing is, I can be that RIGHT now. I dont have to wait until my life is perfect until I start to love myself, ext :
1. In regards to relationships:
• A kind,caring and good friend
• Genuinely care about other’s problems
• Treating everyone equally- no matter what their status is
• Not gossiping or talking negatively about others
2. As a Person:
• Laid back, easy going
• Always keep promises, to myself and others
• I don’t harm myself when things are not going my way
• I take care of how I look
• I am confident
3. Healthwise:
• I value my body, and I only eat the foods that I know makes me feel amazing
• I never abuse my body and put stress on it- I don’t overeat nor fast
• I listen to my body to the quantities and types of food it needs, I dont count calories/set limits
• I exercise daily and push myself as hard as I can, I don’t make excuses not to exercise
• I don’t let outside factors (such as stress) impact the way I eat and exercise
• I am fit and athletic
4. School:
• I don’t procrastinate
• I don’t let stress of school impact other areas of my life
• I enjoy learning and collecting new information
5. General Life:
• I take risks and every opportunity I get
• I get out of my comfort zone regularly
• I don’t waste time on things that will not benefit me
• I am constantly seeking new information and expanding my knowledge
• I always strive for my goals to the best of my ability
• I don’t plan and set deadlines anymore: I just DO
• I LOVE life
So what my plan? I dont have one. I dont know when I will feel confident again to "go out". But I know I can change my life right now, for good. It can only get better from here, no matter what obstacles come in my way. I am choosing today to change my mentality and outlook on life.
I just wanted to say that I love you guys all soooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for being there for me and I loved being there watching your journeys too
You are all amazing people and I know you can achieve anything you set out to do!
Glenn- Your business is going to be huge! You are amazingly talented and such a kind- hearted man.
Matt- I dont know what you have to be so self conscious about: you are so sweet, funny and smart. I know you are going to achieve your weight + drawing goals and come to peace with your dad
Moira- You are a one of a kind girl. The core person of this forum, always there to support everyone. I admire you because you live life the way I want to (and will)- by just trying your best everyday, no rules, challenges, ext. You are the only person on this forum who sends me to google looking up words I had no idea existed
Ish- you are sooo super sweet!! Thank you for your constant support and I KNOW that if you put your focus on your goal of being healthy then you will succeed in it, just like you are in your career. Just remember that you have one body and that most people don't value their health until they get sick...they spend their lives spending their time gaining wealth and then try to buy back their health (via supplements, ext) which sometimes is too late. Take care of yourself!!
Almo!- you make me laugh lol
I hope that you have success in your future business, I know you are going through a hard time right now but I have no doubt you will come out of it!
lynette- Thank you for being like a second mom to me on this forum!!! <3 you taught me alot from your experiences and always answered my questions so thoughtfully. I hope you recover from your injury soon and can get back to cycling and doing marathons soon!
Stacey - my older sis
I know you are going to finish your challenge with success! You are stronger than you know and i know one day you will reach peace with your life. <3
Celes Thank you for starting this forum! You are an incredibly sweet person, so caring and I know for sure you truly want to help others. You are doing an excellent job of that already, you have already touched many peoples lives, including mine <3
My email is hannahs1990@yahoo.ca, so if anyone still wants to talk then add me on messenger or email me! I am just in a period right now where I need to say goodbye to forums, ext and just push myself out into life again
Bye guys, love you all!
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