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JadePenguin Offline
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What do you people think: is it possible to recognise a potential true friend from your first meeting? Or is it more likely that someone you didn't expect will become one of your best friends?

There are so many people that cross our paths daily. We will never get to truly know them all. But in order to form true friendships, we need to put in real effort. So, how do we know who we should concentrate on?

Myself, I only seem to connect with very few people - most seem to be interested in totally different things, and our conversations are short and shallow. I do not feel it worthwhile to even try to go deeper with them. Am I being too harsh on them or wisely saving myself from a dead end?

I'm still new to my uni and haven't formed any strong bonds yet. I'm not sure if it's too early for panic or if I should be best buddies with someone by now. For the record, I *do* engage in lots of activities, from drama to boardgames, so I'm meeting enough new people for sure. And there's two girls I do like a lot and am definitely staying in touch with. Should that remain my focus for now?

Thoughts, experiences - share them! :)

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
11-18-2011 10:00 PM
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elezhara Offline
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(11-18-2011 10:00 PM)JadePenguin Wrote:  What do you people think: is it possible to recognise a potential true friend from your first meeting? Or is it more likely that someone you didn't expect will become one of your best friends?
So, how do we know who we should concentrate on?
Am I being too harsh on them or wisely saving myself from a dead end?
Should that remain my focus for now?

My best friend and I have only been together for a total of 7 weeks. She lives in Mexico and I live in Spain. And you would say, how is it possible that you´re best friends?
We met in Boston, in a summer camp. From the very first moment we connected, we had so much fun together, we felt we could tell each other everything. We spent three weeks together and when we had to say goodbye we cried our eyes out. We kept in touch by email and facebook. We wrote each other every week and after three years she decided to come to Spain and stayed at my house for a month. Next year I hope to go to Mexico to stay at her house.
She is the only person I´ve truly connected with, I know she´s always going to be there for me and I´ll always be there for her. I knew she was going to be my friend from the first talk we had. The funny thing is that we don´t have anything in common, she is studying math, I´m studying psychology, she likes comedies and I hate them, she is a very outgoing person but I´m more of an introvert, she likes modern music, I like music from the 70´s and 80´s; but somehow we just connect. And as you can see, it doesn´t matter that we live in opposite parts of the world, we both make the effort to write each othe every week or every couple of weeks because we want this friendship to last.

Other times people surprise you. I remember my first day of school when I saw this girl enter the class and my first thought was: We are never ever going to be friends. She seemed to be totally different from me. Then the teacher said we had to do a project in couples and guess what, she was my partner. I wasn´t really sure if that was going to work, but we started talking and I found that we had many things in common, and we became friends. She was funny and a really nice person to be around, she definetely surprised me. If it hadn´t been for that project we would have never been friends.

I find it hard to make friends. Like you I´m in my first year at university and I haven´t made many friends yet. But that shouldn´t worry you. Keep getting involve in activities that you like and one day you´ll find someone you really connect with, and you´ll know that friendship will last. You just know.

Friends come and go, true friends stay forever. You should spend time with those people you like to be around but don´t spend too much time building a friendship you know is not going to last once you leave university.

Some people find it easier to make friends, for others it seems to be really hard. But I guess that´s just the way it is. I try not to worry too much about that, I try to live my life as best as I can and if I find someone special along the way then that´s great. I don´t want my live to be built around my friends, I live my life and everyone that accepts that is welcome ;) .
11-18-2011 11:44 PM
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Clint Cora Offline
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Post: #3

In my experience, it is possible to get some good vibes from somebody during first chat but you really don't know just how well that person will become a friend to you for the long term until more time goes by. Having said that, I do find it that often if I get bad vibes from somebody upon first meeting, then it usually turns out that the person will not become a friend.

However having said that, quite often our future success is dependent on how you know, others who can be in a position to help you. You never know how people are going to turn out in terms of how they can help you in the future in terms of introducing you to people who will really matter in your future career, etc. Therefore, I think you should not write off people so quickly in your day to day campus life.

It doesn't hurt to keep tabs on people and with technology these days, it will be quite easy. If some people, even those who are just mere acquaintences rather then friends, end up getting into their careers a lot faster than you and it happens to be in areas that you would also want to get into, then that's a situation where they might be able to help you.

Of course, they won't if they feel that you already 'wrote' them off socially. After all, would you want to help out somebody who wrote you off?

Networking is something that everyone must learn to do and successful people do this type of activity often.

Clint Cora - Motivational Speaker, Author & Karate World Champion
www.ClintCora.com
12-27-2011 08:45 AM
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JadePenguin Offline
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Post: #4

I do accept everyone from uni in Facebook, else it would be like saying "no, I do not like you enough". I'm also friendly with them, I just know there won't be any reason to seek them out beyond the society/course we're in.

This is probably the best compromise here.

As for careers, I'm aiming for scientific research myself, so getting to know my department seems the more fruitful activity :P (and I'm not doing too bad either!)

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
12-28-2011 07:02 AM
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Sepid Offline
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Post: #5

I think it depends on the person you meet. I have afew friends that we made friends on the very first chat, but it is not always true! On the other hands I made friends with a few people who I thought we could be good friends but later not so long, they appeared to be the most selfish people I've ever met! For example I made friend with a colleague, invited her and her family to our home, catching up on weekend for shopping together,having coffee, etc. I liked her so much and thought she has the same feeling. When I was going to change my job asked her if she is happy to be my referee. She said,sure. I gave her email to my employer. They called her asking her to fill a reference form ( 2 pages). She did not do that and the employer called me they have got no reply from my referee! When I called her asking what the problem was, she told me that they should be shot, asking her filling a long form!!!! I surprised, could not believe she had agreed before to do me this favour, but she did not bother filling 2 pages form for her friend!!! That was it!

People are different , it would be better to be more careful,to avoid disappointment.
(This post was last modified: 10-27-2012 07:04 PM by Sepid.)
10-27-2012 06:56 PM
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cocoyen Offline
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Post: #6

from my experiences, a true friend is formed over a long time not in a short time. So, if you meet some one at the first time and you truly want to make friends with them, let's accquaint with them actively. Currently, I have 2 best friends and I applied this method to become their best friends: active, honest, tolerable (cause sometimes they will make you disappointed, however, if you appreciate the friendship, let's tolerate and after that tell them what you think about them in cases that lead to you annoyed).
(This post was last modified: 11-24-2012 10:19 PM by cocoyen.)
11-24-2012 06:28 PM
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JadePenguin Offline
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Post: #7

Nice to still see new replies to this :)

I've tried to be more open in talking to people lately. Usually, if it's someone from a society I go to, they're worth approaching, as we already have something in common! Also, I try not to divide people to friends and non-friends - I'll just treat everyone with kindness and only time will tell whether we stay in touch beyond the uni years :hug:

Also, I've had some great conversations lately and even though they were isolated experiences and I might not see those people again, it's just as fine!

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
11-25-2012 01:15 AM
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