21DJC Day 10 – Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

This is Day 10 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge (21DJC) for Nov 2011. View list of tasks: 21DJC Overview.

Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 10 of 21DJC! :)

Yesterday’s question was: “What Drives You?“. There were so many wonderful responses by all of you. Some of you are driven by growth. Some of you are driven by the desire to make a difference. Some of you are driven by money. Some of you are driven by need for security. Some of you are driven by death – from the death of those around you to knowing you’ll die one day. Some of you are driven by the love for life. Some of you are driven by connection. Some of you are driven by the ability to serve the world.

Reading Personal Excellence, you should already know what I’m driven by. I’m driven by the desire to grow and help others grow. This is my life purpose; this is my reason for being. This is why I started Personal Excellence to begin with – to serve others and help them grow. It is my wish that we will be united as one world one day, when all of us achieve our highest consciousness.

There was an interesting point made by reader J, who shared a Tony Robbins theory that people are driven by pain and pleasure. While it is a valid observation, a more meaningful way to classify our motivators IMO would be (a) love-based drivers or (b) fear-based drivers.

Love-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from a higher place, above and beyond our physical self. Examples include desire to help others in need, to make the world a better place, to seek betterment, to make a difference, to empower others, and so on. These drivers can be characterized by the way they “pull” us forward in life. People motivated by love-based drivers act out of natural desire; they do not need to be triggered, reminded, or made to act. They do it on their own accord.

Fear-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from ego and the physical identity; they are very much centered on who we are and preservation of self. Examples include desire to prove one’s worth, to acquire material wealth as status symbols to others, to achieve a certain “place” in the society to make his/her mark, to leave a legacy before one dies, fear of death, to put others down, to get ahead in life, to prevent pain in life, and so on. These drivers are usually characterized by how they “push” us to take action. People motivated by fear-based drivers act because they have to do it; it’s driven by urgency. They often suffer from procrastination, lack of discipline, laziness, etc in some areas of their life.

So what determines our drivers of motivation? It’s linked to our consciousness level. People in fear-based consciousness are primarily motivated by fear-based factors, while people in love-based consciousness are primarily motivated by love-based factors. Since most of us are somewhere in between, we experience a mix of both drivers, with a predominant bias to one category.

Ultimately, those who have reached the highest consciousness level i.e. Enlightenment will be motivated solely by love and light. That’s the level when fear and pain will no longer play any role in our life. Reader Bob puts it very well with this example: “… my thoughts are that in a higher conscious state we will not be affected by fear/pain although this might happen to us ie. the death of a loved one”. That’s because it’s at this consciousness level where we are understand events that normally trigger fear-based emotions at a transcendental level compared to those who vibrate at other levels.

With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 10

For today’s question, I’d like you to think about this:

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Is it your best friend? Your good friend(s)? Your mom? Your dad? Your sister? Your brother? Your grandmother? Your grandfather? Your girlfriend? Your boyfriend? Your wife? Your husband? Your partner? Your colleague(s)? Your manager? Your mentor? Your coach? (You can list as many people as you want.)

Who do you enjoy spending time with? And why?

Quick update: Hey everyone! For today’s question, the intent is to think about the people you enjoy spending time with, beyond yourself. It’s easy to say that you like spending time with yourself (I like spending time with myself too). But how about other people in your life? We live in a world with other people, beyond just ourselves, and as humans, we are social creatures who thrive in meaningful connections and relationships.

So think about the people in your life, and if there’s anyone you enjoy spending time with. Think about why you like spending time with them. And appreciate them for who they are, because there’s a reason why your paths crossed in this life.

The second (more subtle) intent of today’s question, is to help you to make empowering friendships. By being aware of the traits that resonate with you, you can consciously gravitate toward the people who share those traits. This helps you to make friendships that support you, friendships that you bring the best out of you.

2nd Update: As an additional clarification, this is not about asking you to choose between spending time with yourself or with others. It’s not a mutually exclusive relationship – one can enjoy spending time alone just as one can enjoy spending time with others. Both can coexist perfectly and there’s no need to make comparisons between them. Do focus your answers on the people you enjoy spending time with in today’s answer, as explained above. Thank you!

Put on your reflection cap and let your thoughts flow. Below is an empty form which you can use to write your answers to the question. Treat it as your private 21DJC journaling “room”, if you will. You will be seeing this form every day, for the 21 days of the challenge. There’s a button for you to keep track of your word count too, if you’re interested.

(Note you will not see the form below if you’re viewing this in your email client. Visit the actual post online to see the form.)

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

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« 21DJC Day 9 – What Drives You?

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147 Responses | Share Your Results!

  1. Iwona says:

    I like to spend time with a genuine person. Someone that feels good in her own skin with no need to pretend. Very honest and open. Fullfilled in life and happy. That is why I love(d) to spend time with my kids as they embody all of the above characteristics – the version of my kids before they turned into moody teenagers :-)

    To give an example of the well known personalities that I would love to hang out with is Meryl Streep. She is the type of a person that seems whole and complete and very comfortable to be with. She would be a joy to be with, I think.

    Like: Thumb up +3

  2. Fiat says:

    I enjoy spending time with myself, because I can have a quiet time alone to read, contemplate, enjoy the movie, doing any activity I like most. That’s for personal joy.

    I also enjoy spending time with my wife and son, I’m grateful for the wonderful family.

    Spending time with self-developed people, are always increase my enthusiasm for I have the opportunity to learn and discuss things to develop my self.

    Like: Thumb up +1

    • I wish I was like you and Iwona. I have a fear of spending time by my self. When I am alone I start to hear my thoughts that is scary sometimes .I think it is neat you do this. Any tips or advice on how I can spend time alone with out fear?

      Like: Thumb up +1

      • Iwona says:

        I doubt there is a quick fix to your dilemma. The prerogative to feeling good by yourself is to love yourself. Personally it took me many years and very hard work to arrive at the state of my mind when I can honestly say (without feeling phoney): I love myself.

        When you do love yourself there is so many wonderful things you can do by yourself (and with yourself too): going for a walk is on of my favourite, reading a book, watching a movie, trying a new tea receipe or going on a hunt to buy a special expensive praline..

        If you do not love yourself you are facing a scary abyss.

        Shannon deLonge – love yourself, there is only one You in this world, wonderful and unique and ready to be celebrated by yourself every day.

        Like: Thumb up +5

        • Between a conversation I had with a close friend over the phone yesterday and reading this from you. I feel motivated enough to try something small and go from there. Thank you. Funny how strangers seem to have the best advice sometimes or that a stranger is quicker to tell you the truth.

          Like: Thumb up +1

  3. Lex says:

    Now, this will make me feel like a really weird person – which i am. I do have friends, mind it – I just don’t meet them much.

    Here’s the thing : I hate the sound of human voice. I hate the way people express themselves, the way they write or say things that are hard to understand or have a double meaning or just aren’t true. I like spending some time with my friends, of course, but not too much. I liked spending time with my boyfriend (yes, I used to have a boyfriend), as long as we’d laugh and not speak too much. I like spending time with the girl sitting next to me in my class because she’s kind of weird too and classes are boring.

    I don’t like spending time with anyone else, when you think of it – or maybe the people I interview. I love asking people question, and being on screen.

    But once again, I hate voices. I used to lock myself in my bedroom and wear unplugged headphones all the time, just not to hear people in the house. I like music, and I like silence. Spending time with silent people is kind of hard, don’t you think ? So my best friend is a guitarist, he doesn’t speak a lot. And most of my other friends, I don’t see them very often, I like talking to them through the computer instead. So I don’t have many friends but the ones I have, I really love them for understanding me.

    Don’t judge me. –”

    Like: Thumb up +2

    • I don’t think you are weird. I wish I had read this post first. I have a fear of being alone and I have to be around people to be happy. But I find my self not happy it is like a up and down thing with me really. I have my moments where I want to be alone I feel the same way as you at times. I hate answering machines because no one sounds the same on them. I hate leaving messages on answering machines because I don;t like how I sound. I don’t like noisy during sex or people screaming. In a small way I can relate to you. I think it is just because I maybe over all a weird person who can’t make their mind up and is bothered by too much crap. I feel like I make no sense. I love quite time my daughter hates it but she has to give it to me. People are really , really annoying for the most part.

      Like: Thumb up +2

    • kathy says:

      ..i don’t think you’re weird at all, though i can imagine many who would. reading your post, i was reminded of a favorite episode of northern lights, where they american indian guy, who the whole community, including her girlfriend, thought he could not speak, finally spoke and explained to his girlfriend that he does not like to talk, as words, when spoken without thought, are heavy, unnecessarily confusing and can be hurtful…i know this reply is directly related to our topic for today’s journaling, but i thought that that was a good reminder of the power of speech, of words, of language…

      Like: Thumb up +1

  4. alix says:

    Right now I don’t have many close friends and I’m not really close to my family. I like spending time with myself mostly. There are times I feel kinda lonely but I don’t want to pretend to be like them to get on well with them. I just haven’t found my people yet.

    Like: Thumb up +3

  5. Laurel says:

    First thing that comes to mind? Everyone! My family, my friends, my horses, people at work, basically anytime I’m around happy laughing people I’m enjoying myself. :dance:

    Like: Thumb up +1

  6. Ankita says:

    I love spending time with friends and family. My friends are wonderful and I love hearing about all their new adventures. My family is very dear to me too and I especially love spending time with my cousins, aunts, and uncles who live far away and I don’t get to see too often. I feel that I am pretty open and can enjoy time spent with strangers too. Pretty much, anyone who is genuine, down to earth, and can make me laugh is someone I’d enjoy spending time with. :)

    Like: Thumb up +2

  7. Glenn says:

    Who I enjoy spending time with.

    Not such a difficult question. Most of all I would have to say my wife Lydia. Even though we each need our own space at times, we always find the time for each other and get along really well. Eating out together, probably more than we should, or perhaps watch a movie. I enjoy spending time with her family too. They’re happy people and I get along really well with them also. Most of the conversation is usually about food though :)

    I enjoy spending time with my own relatives too. I don’t see them as often as I should, but it’s always nice to catch up and have a chat about what’s been happening and all the latest family gossip. Sometimes it may only be at Christmas or a family wedding that I’ll see them, but that’s not so bad.

    Then there are all my friends. Not too many either, but those I do keep in contact with I do enjoy spending time with. Mostly music friends, many of whom I’ve worked with in the past, either helping them record their music, or have shot music videos for. We can chat about old times, or talk about what we’re currently working on.

    At the end of the day, I would have to say that those I enjoy spending time with the most are those who are friendly and open. But friendly enough that we can be joking around about different things without anyone being offended. Or even people who are interested in what I’m doing, or those who share similar creative interests.

    Like: Thumb up +3

  8. Mick says:

    I like spending time with my fiance – especially when we are just relaxing, watching tv, going for a walk, having lunch out, quality time together rather than cleaning the house together! And chatting in bed before going to sleep, a nice way to relax at the end of the day.

    I also like to spend time with my immediate family – my parents and my brother who is also a close friend. I see the latter less these days as he has his own family and commitments, but still see him occasionally. I aim to spend at least an hour with my parents each weekend as I love their company too as well as my fiance’s parents.

    I also enjoy meeting up with friends. I am really looking forward to going out to lunch with my fiance and another couple who I was fortunate enough to be their best man in May this year, at a well known local(ish) pub that I have wanted to go to for a long while – and finally I’ve made it happen! Just need to do it!

    As well as all of the above, I enjoy spending time with myself, and I do not do it often enough. I’d love to just sit in peace for 20 minutes or so and relax, think, meditate and reflect. But I never do. Alternatively I love walking alone too and just thinking about things – it allows for ideas to be generated, solutions to be thought up and allows me to calm down and be happy. I must do this more! :-)

    Like: Thumb up +2

  9. lotusbleu says:

    I love to spend time with myself, mainly because I’m a loner.

    Like: Thumb up +1

  10. Celes says:

    Hey everyone! For today’s question, the intent is to think about the people you enjoy spending time with, beyond yourself. It’s easy to say that you like spending time with yourself (I like spending time with myself too) – But how about other people in your life? We live in a world with other people, beyond just ourselves, and as humans, we are social creatures who thrive in meaningful connections and relationships.

    So think about the people in your life, and if there’s anyone you enjoy spending time with. Think about why you like spending time with them. And appreciate them for who they are, because there’s a reason why your paths crossed in this life.

    Like: Thumb up +9

    • Ezza says:

      Hi Celes,
      Absolutely – good point. I couldn’t of said it better! :dance:
      I believe this is the approach I am taking to journal about today’s tasks. Thank you for the clarification. Kudos. xx :hug:

      Like: Thumb up +3

    • Prion says:

      But you’re not suppose to critique their comments.

      Not everyone has to be extroverted.

      When a guy said that we are very self centered to love ourselves most, you critiqued his comment, and now you say this?

      Like: Thumb up +2

      • Celes says:

        Prion, I’m clarifying the intent of the day’s question. Today’s question is about celebrating the people we enjoy being around, being aware of what we like about them, and appreciating them for who they are, which is why I’m inviting everyone to think about the people they enjoy spending time around, beyond themselves.

        Enjoying time with others has nothing to do with being extroverted or introverted – One can enjoy time with oneself, and enjoy time with others at the same time. Both are different things that can coexist. One may prefer alone time over social time, but it doesn’t mean one cannot enjoy spending time with others. For sure, there’s nothing wrong with being introverted or being extroverted – I think there’s always an extrovert and an introvert in us, just in varying degrees. Each comes out depending on who we are with and the situation we are in. Hope that clarifies everything!

        Like: Thumb up +8

  11. Peggy says:

    With my husband, my kids, other relatives and friends. I enjoy some of my co-workers. We have a good group of friends and are pretty social. I have some in-laws that are a lot of fun and I enjoy my ladies golf group. I have church friends and old school friends. I’m very blessed when it comes to friends and socializing. I miss my Mom and Dad. I guess if I had to choose one person it would be my husband. We get each other and have fun traveling, playing golf and even going to the grocery store.

    Like: Thumb up +1

  12. Asni says:

    I’m also basically a loner, don’t talk much, uncomfortable at parties or functions, dislike empty talk, etc. etc.

    I would at first like to say that I like most is to spend time with myself, not thinking about anything but just be. I don’t like to be in the company of someone who talks a lot, non-stop, talking about all subjects under the sun, from A to Z. You know, sometimes, when I get on the bus or train and when I’m sitting near two people who talks non-stop from the moment they get on to the moment they alight? Then, there are some people who will yak on the hand phone from the start of the journey to the end? (Sorry, going off the subject!)

    Okay, since I have to put in other people other than moi — I would say, my family and the children in my school.

    In our busy day-to-day life, sometimes we get to see other people more than our own family! Morning time, children off to school when it’s still dark, then mummy and daddy also out on their separate way going to work. We spend 8-9 hours, perhaps more, at work. Then home, the children doing their homework, mummy busy preparing and cooking dinner and catching up with perhaps some housework like washing or ironing, quick dinner and before you know it its bed time. The cycle goes on and before you know it, it’s one year gone. That is why every moment that I get to spend with my family either at home or for some birthday celebration, etc. are the moments that I will treasure all my life. Family bonding is very special and important to me.

    The children in school where I work are good therapy for my soul. With their mischief and pranks though some are little angels, they have taught me so much about myself. They made me feel young, curious and happy without any reason. They taught me patience, humility and love.

    Well, thanks Celeste, I realize there are other people I enjoy spending time with beside myself! Didn’t know that myself till I write this. :mrgreen:

    Like: Thumb up +5

  13. Asni says:

    Yay, finally managed to get my avatar on! :dance:

    Like: Thumb up +3

  14. i enjoy spending time with a lot of people in my life I have a lot of great friends I am honored to have. I have a crazy Jerry Springer like family but they are my family and I love them all through thick and thin. But the person who I enjoy spend all my time with is my best – friend Krystel. Krystel and I have known each other since middle school. The minute we met we had that special sister connection. I can tell her everything and anything and when we are together it is never a dull moment. Our conversations are good even when the conversations are bad the conversations are still good because we have a unique understanding of each other. All so we have tons of likes and stuff in common. But really I am glad she is not my sister because I am happy with just having my big brother. I am a very lucky person. It is hard to make my mind up on who I enjoy spending my time with. When it comes right down to it I would pick Krystel over and over again. Just Krystel and I spend everyday together we have a special routine. I love her and everyone in my life I just love Krystel a little bit more.

    Like: Thumb up +2

  15. karen says:

    I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend because he is caring, loving, patient and supportive. He is my best friend and I could not have imagined ever finding anyone like him. He is deep and intelligent and creative and driven. And he believes in me and tells me I can achieve anything. He’s the person who knows and understands me best in the world. And the only person I can truly be myself around without being worried that he will reject me or leave or think I am strange. He has a calming effect on me and helps me to believe in myself and feel better whenever I feel negative or down. He is wonderful and I’m blessed and grateful to have him in my life.

    Like: Thumb up +3


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