21DJC Day 15 – What is the Most Painful Thing You Have Ever Experienced To Date?

This is Day 15 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge (21DJC) for Nov 2011. View list of tasks: 21DJC Overview.

Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 15 of 21DJC! :) We’re now in the 3rd and final week of our 21-Day Journaling Challenge!

Yesterday’s question was: “What Is Love?“. (Read the responses.)

Here are some beautiful responses from some participants:

“Love is faithful, it is everlasting, it is patient and kind. It’s an appreciation for another person in spite of or because of their faults and problems.” – Peggy

“Love means accepting a person for what they are. Love means that warm, happy feeling you get when you are near, or think about the object of your love. Love means feeling safe, and appreciated.” - Julia Shirey

“Love is feeling part of Something Greater than myself, a feeling of being “home” with myself in the Presence of that Greater Self. Love actually to me is feeling connected to The Source, the Place inside my Highest Self that exists simply because the Spark of Divine breathed me into existence. Love is the feeling of warmth I feel in my heart when I help others, or give freely to others.” – Brett

“Surprisingly, I find it hard to describe love in words or phrases. So move on to feeling and emotion. Upon reading or hearing the word ‘love’ if feel extremely happy and joyful. And I found when I’m happy and joyful. I’m feeling the emotion of love. I can smile towards others, nice to others, content, and at peace.” – Fiat

“Love is a total commitment to the ultimate good of the beloved.
Love is not a mere feeling… it goes beyond that, into wordless devotion.” – Prion

“Love to me right now is nothing more than feeling compassion for fellow humankind or earthlings. It fuels me for what I’m doing and with whom I’m hanging out or having a conversation.” – lotusbleu

“Love, to me, is the bond that connects me to everyone else in the world.” – Jeffrey Q

“Love is confidence; appreciation; acceptance; trust; communication; kindness; sharing. Love means giving second chances and working towards better self, with support and encouragement. Love means being geared up to do what drives you forward and never get tired of them.” – Viole

“Love for me means sharing caring respectful warm heart felt relationships, giving without conditions, spontaneity openness and frankness.” – Bob

“[Love] means to accept others and be accepted for who one really are. It means to stay and stick with somebody in the bad and the good, it’s to give without wanting and spend quality time together. … Love is making a silly random joke to put a smile on another person when everything feels like it will end, love is when you give it all up for another and love is when you feel loved and love in return. :heart: ” – fufu

“This is the first time I read all the comments before posting. So this smile on my face? That’s love. To get to know you and your deepest thoughts. Beautiful people with beautiful souls, thank you. :) ” – Andreea

“Love to me is when you know that you [are] not perfect and you don’t expect perfection from others. First you have to love yourself to love others. Loving others the way you love yourself. … Seeing all of someone’s good qualities as opposed to thinking about all their bad qualities. ” – Vanessa

“To me, love means accepting people as they are, not trying to change them into who you think they should be. Unconditional acceptance without judgment. Knowing when to hang on and when to let go. Unconditional respect without judgment. If understanding is not possible, having a true yearning to understand. Seeing someone’s eyes light up when they see you or vice versa.” - Stella Zorro

“Love to me is like a synonym for care and understanding…
Love is where no lies exist…..the faces of the two should have a spring water like clarity
Love is where no need for unnecessary pushing and fussing exists.” – ASLO

For me… Love is transcendent. Love is the universal link that binds all living beings together.

Love is what sets apart the living beings from the non-living things. Love is what we live for. Love is the reason we are alive. Love is the reason we will continue to live.

Love makes us grow stronger, greater, better, more beautiful, than we would be by ourselves.

Love is greater than anything there is in the world.

Love is what I have for all of you, and love is what keeps me going every day.

I love all of  you.

With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 15

Yesterday we talked about love – what it is and what it means to us. Today’s question is about the emotion that’s on the other end of the spectrum – Pain.

What is the Most Painful Thing You Have Ever Experienced To Date?

What is the Most Painful Thing You've Ever Had To Experience To Date?

Think back to all your life experiences to date. Can you point out one incident which has been the most painful to you in the past X years you have been alive? What incident was it? What happened during the incident? And why was it painful to you?

(Painful can be defined as anything that makes you feel sad, upset, sorrowful, depressed, pained.)

Put on your reflection cap and let your thoughts flow. Below is an empty form which you can use to write your answers to the question. Treat it as your private 21DJC journaling “room”, if you will. You will be seeing this form every day, for the 21 days of the challenge. There’s a button for you to keep track of your word count too, if you’re interested.

(Note you will not see the form below if you’re viewing this in your email client. Visit the actual post online to see the form.)

What is the Most Painful Thing You Have Ever Experienced To Date?

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

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21DJC Day 16 – What Makes You Happy? »

165 Responses | Share Your Results!

  1. Julia Shirey says:

    Yes, I am a little behind. In part, because I had to think long and hard about the answer to this question. I certainly have experienced my share of painful times in my life, as have we all. I had a difficult time coming up with the words to describe the most painful thing, and I am still not sure that I have it right. But here goes. The most painful thing I have experienced is the loss of the belief that someone had my back no matter what was happening. ( I say belief because it turns out it just wasn’t true. Previously, I would have called it a fact.) When my husband of 20+ years announced that he was finished with his relationship withme and our family, and that he had been unfaithful many times in the past, and that there was a new person that he “could see myself spending the rest of my life with”, I felt betrayed. it took some time to figure out, but a large part of the betrayal was thatI had believed that no matter what, he would be there for me, if I needed/asked him to be. This belief got me through a lot of tough times, and it is still painful (nearly 8 years later) to realize that I was on my own a lot more than I thought. So,while many think I am still saddened by the demise of my marriage, it is actually that I am saddened that I no longer find myself able to believe that I could count on someone to back me no matter what, even though I do that for others.

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  2. Magdalena says:

    Years ago I have thought I attracted negative stuff to my life, but I refused to belive so.
    Since I was teen I expirience a terrible sadness of beeing daughter of an alcoholic and sister of an adict who was very dificult to live with, some years latter he passed away. That hurt so much but I understood he now is in a better place.

    I got married to an abusive guy who made misserable most of the time I shared with him, I dont know why I didn´t had the guts to leave him…. (well I know is Codependency….! ) I was so stucked there.
    In those years I had 2 brain tumors which didn´t hurt very much physically but moraly were hard to endure and the recovery wasn´t easy. I lost 2 unborn babies, that was horrible too and finally ended whith tumors in my womb. What really hurt me very much was not havinh the moral support from him in all these events.

    Later I got divorced, even I was miserable with my husband, the separation needs a mourning process because its a failure in your life. I didn´t made some right desitions in this months and I regreat so much loosing a job that was awesome, I felt so angry at my self and that also caused me a lot of moral pain.

    Right now I can see these past events in retrospect, I consider my self as a strong woman that has weathered some pain through the years and the peace I have now is a consecuence of maturity. I dont see those experiences as a tragedy, just like steps in my way, thank God he helped me to climb the hill where I am now.

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    • Julia Shirey says:

      You are so right about how you need to mourn the end of even a bad relationship. Often people on the outside of the situation do not understand that, and are not as supportive as they could be. I am sorry that you had to go through all of those negative experiences on your own. You are a very strong woman, and I wish only happiness for you in the future.

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      • Magdalena says:

        Thanks for your nice words, I think you always have to “try” to take the best even in the worse…!

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  3. Debbie says:

    The most painful thing I have experienced in my life was the loss of my dad, I am an only child and had always been daddy’s little girl. He served in the military until I was almost in high school and spent much of my young years with him gone for months at a time as it was during VietNam. He died in an accident almost 8 years ago, he was still very young – 65 – and it was very unexpected. It was President’s Day which is a holiday from work for me, so I had been home all day. When my mom called to tell me all I could do was sink to the floor and listen. My parents live about 24 hours from where I live and to get there by any other means than driving it not feasible. Within a few hours we were on the road and drove straight through. My mom has an amazing network of friends and they assured me that they would be there with her until I was able to arrive. The next few days were a whirlwind of activity and people. My dad had always taken care of my mom, theirs was a very old fashioned relationship, so I now felt that duty had fallen to me (in fact my dad and I had talked about it and that I would need to take care of my mom if anything happened to him). I ended up staying with my mom for 6 weeks, helping her through all that needs to be done after someone has died. I tried to protect my mom from having to deal with too many of the details of everything that needed to be done and let her focus on processing her grief and receiving support from all her friends and well-wishers. During this time I thought it was my job to stay strong and make sure that she received what she needed and in this process I neglected my need to grieve and accept love and sympathy from others. As a result of that I am still struggling to come to grips with my grief all these years later. :(

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  4. Toni says:

    A few years back, we had a beautiful home that we loved in a great neighborhood, and an awesome daycare for our two toddlers. I’d take the kids to one of our three neighborhood parks everyday after picking them up from daycare. We went to basketball games, events, concerts, plays, everything. It was a life we had always wanted and worked hard to get. But in the fall of 2007, our finances took a HUGE hit. We were trapped in a life we could no longer afford and we were losing everything bit by bit. It got to the point that we could no longer afford our two biggest expenses, the house and daycare, at the same time. That following year, we sent our kids to spend the summer with my parents so that without the expense of daycare, we could afford the house until we could unload it without ruining our credit. It only took two months, but the damage was done.
    Every time we’d call our kids, our 3 year old wouldn’t talk very much, and when he did, he’d simply ask when they were coming home. Our 2 year old would say over and over again, “Mommy, I can’t see you!” because talking on the phone just wasn’t working for her. When we went to pick them up, they were skinny and sad. Our kids looked as if they felt that we had abandoned them. And when we got them back home, things were still not much better financially, so I felt that we’d done all this to our kids in vain.
    We were all crammed into a small, cheap, wretched apartment. The toilet leaked relentlessly from where it met the floor. 2-inch long cockroaches would emerge every night. People would fight in the parking lot and our deaf neighbors were extremely loud because they couldn’t hear themselves. It was so horrible it was almost funny. There were no parks nearby to escape to and the only daycare we could afford was dark and drab with a few faded, pitiful “toys” and books. Toast with jelly was considered breakfast and our daughter was always hungry when we picked her up. It was so unlike what she was used to that she wouldn’t interact and would spend most of the day crying.
    Shortly after, I lost my job and found out I was pregnant, all in the same month. By then, the recession had hit, so it would be almost 2 years before I would be working again. But it was the greatest blessing ever because the kids could now stay home with me. We broke the lease after 3 or 4 months in the crappy apartment and got the heck out of there. We have slowly been pulling things together and the kids have bounced back, as thankfully, kids do. We are now in a home we love with parks nearby-just smaller and much more financially manageable-and there’s now a happy little 15 month old to round out the family.
    That whole experience hurt me more than anything I’ve EVER gone through. I’ll never forget how much I felt like a complete, utter failure and how guilty I felt, feeling that we’d crushed our kids’ spirits and destroyed their happy little world. I recently read an article about an unemployed architect who sent his preteen son to live with neighbors after losing his house and becoming homeless. Almost everyone was so cruel in their condemnation of him. But having gone through something similar, I can completely understand his dilemma. Do you take your child with you onto the streets, or do you leave them with people you trust? Who knows what’s the right thing to do? What I do know is that I will do everything in my power to never have to make such a choice again.

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  5. Miles says:

    The most painful thing I have ever experienced to date was the separation of my parents. This was because after their separation my self esteem was highly affected, I had various attempts of committing suicide. I did not see life as important any more, I never saw if my parents loved me because back then, my dad would say harsh words to me; with regards to what my mother had done. He would abuse me and say negative words to me that really affected how I looked at my self and my relationship with other people. But at least with concerned friends I have been able to work things out and work on my self worth. Praise be to God!

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  6. MrsSilver says:

    Being “fired” (not rehired) for work because of reasons that were made up and had nothing to do with me. I felt personally violated and helpless.

    Also, watching my then boyfriend, later fiancé (and now husband), go through a painful breakup with his past demons to move on in life and get to a better place (and us being able to be together for real). There were other people involved and a lot of other outside forces that I could not help him fight. For a huge part of it, all I could do was stand by and watch (from the other side of the world, too), trying to be supportive. The feeling of helplessness, once again, was dominating.

    These two things happened around the same time (sort of overlapping) and it took a long time to be able to move on, even though we will always be scared. However, I do not wish to have any of this undone. It made us both stronger, both individually and as a team.

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