21DJC Day 10 – Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

This is Day 10 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge (21DJC) for Nov 2011. View list of tasks: 21DJC Overview.

Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 10 of 21DJC! :)

Yesterday’s question was: “What Drives You?“. There were so many wonderful responses by all of you. Some of you are driven by growth. Some of you are driven by the desire to make a difference. Some of you are driven by money. Some of you are driven by need for security. Some of you are driven by death – from the death of those around you to knowing you’ll die one day. Some of you are driven by the love for life. Some of you are driven by connection. Some of you are driven by the ability to serve the world.

Reading Personal Excellence, you should already know what I’m driven by. I’m driven by the desire to grow and help others grow. This is my life purpose; this is my reason for being. This is why I started Personal Excellence to begin with – to serve others and help them grow. It is my wish that we will be united as one world one day, when all of us achieve our highest consciousness.

There was an interesting point made by reader J, who shared a Tony Robbins theory that people are driven by pain and pleasure. While it is a valid observation, a more meaningful way to classify our motivators IMO would be (a) love-based drivers or (b) fear-based drivers.

Love-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from a higher place, above and beyond our physical self. Examples include desire to help others in need, to make the world a better place, to seek betterment, to make a difference, to empower others, and so on. These drivers can be characterized by the way they “pull” us forward in life. People motivated by love-based drivers act out of natural desire; they do not need to be triggered, reminded, or made to act. They do it on their own accord.

Fear-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from ego and the physical identity; they are very much centered on who we are and preservation of self. Examples include desire to prove one’s worth, to acquire material wealth as status symbols to others, to achieve a certain “place” in the society to make his/her mark, to leave a legacy before one dies, fear of death, to put others down, to get ahead in life, to prevent pain in life, and so on. These drivers are usually characterized by how they “push” us to take action. People motivated by fear-based drivers act because they have to do it; it’s driven by urgency. They often suffer from procrastination, lack of discipline, laziness, etc in some areas of their life.

So what determines our drivers of motivation? It’s linked to our consciousness level. People in fear-based consciousness are primarily motivated by fear-based factors, while people in love-based consciousness are primarily motivated by love-based factors. Since most of us are somewhere in between, we experience a mix of both drivers, with a predominant bias to one category.

Ultimately, those who have reached the highest consciousness level i.e. Enlightenment will be motivated solely by love and light. That’s the level when fear and pain will no longer play any role in our life. Reader Bob puts it very well with this example: “… my thoughts are that in a higher conscious state we will not be affected by fear/pain although this might happen to us ie. the death of a loved one”. That’s because it’s at this consciousness level where we are understand events that normally trigger fear-based emotions at a transcendental level compared to those who vibrate at other levels.

With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 10

For today’s question, I’d like you to think about this:

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Is it your best friend? Your good friend(s)? Your mom? Your dad? Your sister? Your brother? Your grandmother? Your grandfather? Your girlfriend? Your boyfriend? Your wife? Your husband? Your partner? Your colleague(s)? Your manager? Your mentor? Your coach? (You can list as many people as you want.)

Who do you enjoy spending time with? And why?

Quick update: Hey everyone! For today’s question, the intent is to think about the people you enjoy spending time with, beyond yourself. It’s easy to say that you like spending time with yourself (I like spending time with myself too). But how about other people in your life? We live in a world with other people, beyond just ourselves, and as humans, we are social creatures who thrive in meaningful connections and relationships.

So think about the people in your life, and if there’s anyone you enjoy spending time with. Think about why you like spending time with them. And appreciate them for who they are, because there’s a reason why your paths crossed in this life.

The second (more subtle) intent of today’s question, is to help you to make empowering friendships. By being aware of the traits that resonate with you, you can consciously gravitate toward the people who share those traits. This helps you to make friendships that support you, friendships that you bring the best out of you.

2nd Update: As an additional clarification, this is not about asking you to choose between spending time with yourself or with others. It’s not a mutually exclusive relationship – one can enjoy spending time alone just as one can enjoy spending time with others. Both can coexist perfectly and there’s no need to make comparisons between them. Do focus your answers on the people you enjoy spending time with in today’s answer, as explained above. Thank you!

Put on your reflection cap and let your thoughts flow. Below is an empty form which you can use to write your answers to the question. Treat it as your private 21DJC journaling “room”, if you will. You will be seeing this form every day, for the 21 days of the challenge. There’s a button for you to keep track of your word count too, if you’re interested.

(Note you will not see the form below if you’re viewing this in your email client. Visit the actual post online to see the form.)

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

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« 21DJC Day 9 – What Drives You?

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147 Responses | Share Your Results!

  1. fufu says:

    I like to spend time with people that appreciate me for who I am and I know I could spend a comfortable-fun time with. I treasure all of my family and friends, as well as my pet dog. I enjoy spending time the most with my 2 closest friends, my family, my dog, new people and with online friends(personal excellence blog). There is also myself but there are times myself is boring so I spend it with my loved ones. I love every aspect in my life in incomparable ways. :dance:

    Like: Thumb up 0

  2. A. Sendijja says:

    I will classify this question in several categories. These are family, social,spiritual and educational categories.
    Under family, i enjoy spending time with my wife because she completes me. As a matter of fact she is my best friend and the only person i can confide in with almost everything however embarassing the situation may be. When i am around my wife,life seems to be at a stand still and everything else has to wait. There so many things i can talk about her and i believe this might even take forever if i start.
    Then follows my children who mean a world to me. Being around them is both fun and learning experience. There are so much i get to learn from them because for them almost everything is total honest and ‘impossible’ is not the term that means a lot to them. For them everything can be done. Then comes my mother as my father is no longer alive,my sisters and brothers and so on.

    Socially, i enjoy company of most of my friends since my close friend passed on. these are people that i spend time with playing games and all sorts of social activities and i just can not select one on top of the other because i enjoy them all and i believe they do enjoy their time with me too.

    Spiritually, they are few people that i go to whenever i have a situation that requires guidance and i am not going to mention their names, as i believe they know themselves. Lastly but not least, on the educational side of it, people that are involved in personal growth take my time as i spend more time with them. This is mostly not phyisical, as most of the time i am in there materials like books, or webpages reading their stuff to better my self.
    But the person that i enjoy spending most of my time, surely has to be and is my dear wife Nisha.

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  3. Sailingawaytoday says:

    I don’t have many friends anymore. Mostly, because I changed the way I approach life. Although, my change in thinking has been terrific for me, the change has been difficult for friends to accept. Not that there is anything wrong with them but, their approach to life is a bit restrictive for me.

    I would like to find new friends. But, I am not quite sure where to look. Since I still for my dreams I have had for years, I seem a bit usual to some. Most people give up their dreams as they get older. People let life rob them of the dreams. One’s life does change with marriage, divorce, loss of parents, eldercare, children, houses, and the economy.

    I started thinking about doing volunteer work as a way to meet new people. I have done volumes of volunteer work over the year, finding a volunteer project that I am excited about, has been trying. But, I am at least thinking about how I might start the process up again, and that is encouraging.

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  4. Nadia says:

    I’m glad I saw the updates before answering, because only until I read them that I wondered about the mutual traits in the people I enjoy spending time with.

    First off though, it seems possible to enjoy spending time with anyone even if they are just strangers. Usually it’s for a limited amount of time & not very profound.

    Personally, I’d have to say that the people I enjoy spending time with (the most) are my parents, relatives (especially cousins) & a few close friends.

    The traits that attract me to them are quite general like their generosity, funniness, thoughtfulness & many other precious traits.

    Today’s question also makes me wonder if they enjoy spending time with me.

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  5. Netta says:

    I enjoy spending time with my best friend. She is the closest to a sister that I have. We have been together since diapers because ironically enough my aunt was married to her uncle. Also my cousin was married to her aunt. So we had a lot of family time spent together also. She is the one person that knows most every character flaw I have and every wonderful trait that I have and accepts me for just who I am. As I also do her. We are alike in some ways but very much different too. I think that’s why we mesh well together. I’m more loud, outspoken, from my inner self down to the clothes I wear and make-up. She is more down to earth and has beliefs she stands by 100%, where I have to question everything, even religions. I would be lost without her.
    We both enjoy doing activities as a group. So I spend a lot of time with her 20 year old daughter, that is expecting her first baby in December. We do a lot of family activities with her daughter, son, and husband along with my two daughters and boyfriend. I love the feeling of having these family ties. I am her daughter’s god-mother. Our bond runs deep and is strong. We have had ups and downs as in any relationship but after 35 years of growing together and growing apart, we both know we have each others back no matter what life throws at us. Other than my children, I love her more than anyone else in the entire world.

    Like: Thumb up +1

  6. Dennis says:

    I enjoy spending time with my friend Gsyd. He has a great sense of humor and a huge thirst for learning constantly. he always has great stories to share and insights to the world.

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  7. Anand V says:

    Categories of people
    This is a conventional ordering which I also follow. Starting with the most important:
    1. Family
    2. Friends
    3. Teachers, Mentors and other important people
    4. Acquaintances
    5. Others

    Ode to Facebook
    Facebook is not a substitute for direct contact, but that is how I am in touch with most of my friends. An excellent way to say hello.

    How we keep in touch
    I need to be very vocal with friends but quite the opposite applies when I am with my family. I like being with my parents the best. We don’t talk much and we have fought before (which is quite normal), but nothing takes the place of family. I just wanted to note that I use this as an excuse to stay away from all my acquaintances.

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    • Christina says:

      I love facebook as an easy way to stay in touch! Since I’m on the road all the time, it’s how I let everyone know where I am, and I can stay caught up on niece and nephew antics on video. :-) While you’re right that it’s no substitute for direct contact, it’s definitely better than none at all, or really sporadic emails and phone calls.

      Like: Thumb up +1

  8. Meredith says:

    Who Do you Enjoy Spending Time With?

    The person I enjoy spending my time with this most would be my boyfriend. He is one of the few people in my life that has as many various interests as I do – from Technology, Taekwondo, Swing Dancing to clubbing in the Goth scene. Also, he and I are similarly introverted and enjoy each others’ company while I read a good book and he plays a video game.

    I also enjoy spending time with my close friends. I enjoy the conversations we have, whether it be introspective or philosophical, or about the latest movie that was out.

    Like: Thumb up +1

  9. Emerita says:

    My family – husband and 3 children. I enjoy out-of-town trips with them, visit places and exchange thoughts and dreams…away from the hustle bustle of everyday life. These trips are memorable moments for me… . Lately however, because of our work schedules, it’s my eldest daughter whom I get to be with more often that the rest.

    Like: Thumb up 0

  10. Prion says:

    I find that the greatest joy is in the presence of God and in sacred Oneness with the Universe.

    Like: Thumb up 0

  11. Christina says:

    Well, I spend almost all of my time with my fiance, and I love it! We have such fun together, laughing about something silly, or talking for hours. Since he drives a big truck, we sometimes have marathon conversations about something deep, keeping him awake through the night. We’ve talked non-stop from Denver, CO to Twin Falls, ID, from Indianapolis to Atlanta, from Nashville, TN to Elizabeth, NJ. Or, it’s easy for us to be quiet together too. We’re both a bit introverted, so living in such close quarters could be a challenge if we weren’t willing to give each other a bit of space.

    I also love spending time with nieces and nephews. I have twelve of them, aged 5 months to 14 years. I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like, so every visit is a huge treat. Even when they’re small, they don’t seem to forget me. I especially enjoy the ages between where they’ve learned to talk and are going to school. They are so inquisitive and say such funny things. I can’t wait for the holidays.

    I really enjoy spending time with my parents as well. We had some rough times over the past ten years (a lot of tension around my marriage), but we’ve talked it over, worked through it, and are now closer than ever. I also love talking to my in-laws (my late husband’s parents). I’ve become so close to them that they seem like another set of parents to me. A few weeks ago, I took my fiance to meet them and we had such a wonderful visit. They are so open, honest and loving.

    I don’t see my friends nearly enough these days, but any time I get with them is a real treat. Since I’m always on the road, it usually comes in 2-3 hour bits, but it’s lovely while it lasts.

    Wow, I feel really fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life!

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  12. Julie says:

    Life made me realized the kind of people I like spending time with. Being recently able to say no to some situations and people’s overdoing my conscious raised and I realized that I like honest people, some who are not criticizing, people able to listen and letting space in the conversation, humble people, open-minded.
    This sums up who I like spending time with as it may be my friends, some family members, colleagues. I decided that I have the choice to see who I want to see and this makes me free and more proactive in life.

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  13. heather says:

    I love spending time with my brother. He recently moved so I don’t get to spend as much time with him as I used to. He makes me laugh and we always have a good time. We didn’t get to spend our childhood together because he is my half brother and he lived with his dad and I lived with my mom. He did come to live with us when he entered high school but I was almost done with high school by then because I am 3 1/2 yrs older than him. He is the only person that I talk to on a regular basis, even if it is to just say hello. I am hoping to visit him soon and maybe I will see him for the holidays.

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  14. Jesse Barkume says:

    oh boy!
    I can’t really narrow it down to just one person so I’ll say I enjoy spending time with anyone who has one of those contagious smiles. You know, the ones where you just can’t help but smile back and ask, “What is it? What is making you smile so much”. They just seem to have a beaming light projecting from their core spreading to every soul near by warming and touching the world around them. And they usually are full of Loving thoughts, funny remarks, and energy to play. Theses are definitely the people that I am gravitated towards because everyone could use a smile and a good laugh:) I also enjoy spending time with people who don’t have any worries on their mind and are free of the confines of the “BOX”. And I don’t even have to always agree with them because I cant help but appreciate their courage and “freeness” to be themselves and to push the boundaries of what we either think of as possible or think of as normal and accepted. It’s these people who open my mind:)

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  15. Bett says:

    I love to spend time with those who realize they are spiritual beings having human experiences. Those who are self-aware, and are mindful of living with low impact on the earth. Those who enjoy the art of conversation, and who enjoy listening and well as speaking. I enjoy those who enjoy The Arts, both visual and performing, and who enjoy literature, talking about stories, films, etc. I enjoy being with those who love and enjoy Mother Nature, and appreciate the Feast She has to offer…being in Nature, sharing good, honest, food, and have an interest in and pursue a healthy lifestyle.

    I love being with those who I share a history with, chatting about the old days, keeping fond memories alive. I love being with loving people, and those who enjoy being with me, or are inspired by my stories. I also enjoy being with those who learn and discover things about themselves when we are together. I enjoy being with those who inspire me as well, and I learn and grow being with them.

    I love being with people who are creative, and we can share our creativity, our creative pursuits, and brainstorm when we are together. I love connecting with people who have similar goals and interests, and we can share our ideas, solutions, and enthusiams.

    I love friendships that are a two-way street, where regardless of what has brought us together for whatever reason, we are both happy and grateful to be together, and better off as a result of having spent time together.


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