21DJC Day 10 – Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

This is Day 10 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge (21DJC) for Nov 2011. View list of tasks: 21DJC Overview.

Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 10 of 21DJC! :)

Yesterday’s question was: “What Drives You?“. There were so many wonderful responses by all of you. Some of you are driven by growth. Some of you are driven by the desire to make a difference. Some of you are driven by money. Some of you are driven by need for security. Some of you are driven by death – from the death of those around you to knowing you’ll die one day. Some of you are driven by the love for life. Some of you are driven by connection. Some of you are driven by the ability to serve the world.

Reading Personal Excellence, you should already know what I’m driven by. I’m driven by the desire to grow and help others grow. This is my life purpose; this is my reason for being. This is why I started Personal Excellence to begin with – to serve others and help them grow. It is my wish that we will be united as one world one day, when all of us achieve our highest consciousness.

There was an interesting point made by reader J, who shared a Tony Robbins theory that people are driven by pain and pleasure. While it is a valid observation, a more meaningful way to classify our motivators IMO would be (a) love-based drivers or (b) fear-based drivers.

Love-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from a higher place, above and beyond our physical self. Examples include desire to help others in need, to make the world a better place, to seek betterment, to make a difference, to empower others, and so on. These drivers can be characterized by the way they “pull” us forward in life. People motivated by love-based drivers act out of natural desire; they do not need to be triggered, reminded, or made to act. They do it on their own accord.

Fear-based drivers refer to motivations that are rooted from ego and the physical identity; they are very much centered on who we are and preservation of self. Examples include desire to prove one’s worth, to acquire material wealth as status symbols to others, to achieve a certain “place” in the society to make his/her mark, to leave a legacy before one dies, fear of death, to put others down, to get ahead in life, to prevent pain in life, and so on. These drivers are usually characterized by how they “push” us to take action. People motivated by fear-based drivers act because they have to do it; it’s driven by urgency. They often suffer from procrastination, lack of discipline, laziness, etc in some areas of their life.

So what determines our drivers of motivation? It’s linked to our consciousness level. People in fear-based consciousness are primarily motivated by fear-based factors, while people in love-based consciousness are primarily motivated by love-based factors. Since most of us are somewhere in between, we experience a mix of both drivers, with a predominant bias to one category.

Ultimately, those who have reached the highest consciousness level i.e. Enlightenment will be motivated solely by love and light. That’s the level when fear and pain will no longer play any role in our life. Reader Bob puts it very well with this example: “… my thoughts are that in a higher conscious state we will not be affected by fear/pain although this might happen to us ie. the death of a loved one”. That’s because it’s at this consciousness level where we are understand events that normally trigger fear-based emotions at a transcendental level compared to those who vibrate at other levels.

With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 10

For today’s question, I’d like you to think about this:

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Is it your best friend? Your good friend(s)? Your mom? Your dad? Your sister? Your brother? Your grandmother? Your grandfather? Your girlfriend? Your boyfriend? Your wife? Your husband? Your partner? Your colleague(s)? Your manager? Your mentor? Your coach? (You can list as many people as you want.)

Who do you enjoy spending time with? And why?

Quick update: Hey everyone! For today’s question, the intent is to think about the people you enjoy spending time with, beyond yourself. It’s easy to say that you like spending time with yourself (I like spending time with myself too). But how about other people in your life? We live in a world with other people, beyond just ourselves, and as humans, we are social creatures who thrive in meaningful connections and relationships.

So think about the people in your life, and if there’s anyone you enjoy spending time with. Think about why you like spending time with them. And appreciate them for who they are, because there’s a reason why your paths crossed in this life.

The second (more subtle) intent of today’s question, is to help you to make empowering friendships. By being aware of the traits that resonate with you, you can consciously gravitate toward the people who share those traits. This helps you to make friendships that support you, friendships that you bring the best out of you.

2nd Update: As an additional clarification, this is not about asking you to choose between spending time with yourself or with others. It’s not a mutually exclusive relationship – one can enjoy spending time alone just as one can enjoy spending time with others. Both can coexist perfectly and there’s no need to make comparisons between them. Do focus your answers on the people you enjoy spending time with in today’s answer, as explained above. Thank you!

Put on your reflection cap and let your thoughts flow. Below is an empty form which you can use to write your answers to the question. Treat it as your private 21DJC journaling “room”, if you will. You will be seeing this form every day, for the 21 days of the challenge. There’s a button for you to keep track of your word count too, if you’re interested.

(Note you will not see the form below if you’re viewing this in your email client. Visit the actual post online to see the form.)

Who Do You Enjoy Spending Time With?

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

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147 Responses | Share Your Results!

  1. Alexia says:

    I enjoy spending time with my sister; she’s my best friend, and everything we do together is so much fun. She always understands me, and I hope vice versa; sometimes we’ll go out for meals or days out, and other times we’ll just meet up and watch a film in silence, but the nice, companiable silence where you don’t need to talk! She often acts like the older sister (she’s nearly three years younger, but so much wiser!!), but I do still feel fiercely protective of her.

    I enjoy spending time with the rest of my friends as well; as time has gone on, my group of close friends has become smaller, but I’m happy with that; they’re the ones who are special, and it’s so nice to have kept that bond with them. In a perhaps strange contrast, I also like meeting new people; it’s quite liberating to chat away to someone on the bus, or on a night out, and then unexpectedly meet someone really interesting, even if it’s if only for a short time! I love never knowing who you’re going to meet.

    I like to spend time with the rest of my family as well – I don’t see them as much nowadays, as I suppose life and growing up gets in the way :(, but it’s always important to me to make the effort. I think I took them for granted for a while, and now I’m so glad I realise what wonderful people they are.

    I also love spending time with my boyfriend; even though we live together, we don’t often get the chance to spend proper time together anymore: go on dates, and all the silly things we took for granted. We often have different schedules, and he gets tired really easily when he is back home, and gets quite grumpy. So when he’s okay and we have time to ourselves, even just to go for a walk or to the cinema, I appreciate it a lot.

    It’s great to take time to think about who you enjoy being in your life – love this question! :)

    Like: Thumb up 0

  2. Lottie says:

    I’m enjoying being in this journaling challenge group because you’re all so inspirational and it’s such fun taking part – thank you!

    I enjoy spending time with people who love to laugh – this reminds me not to be so pompous and to take myself less seriously. It also means I get to laugh a lot!

    I enjoy being with people who are enthusiastic and passionate about life (like my zumba teacher) – they help me to reconnect with my passions.

    I particularly love being with people who dare to be themselves. I find this particularly inspiring because, for most of my life, I have tried hard to be what I think people might want me to be. Being around people who are happy enough with who they are is so good for me. Conversely, these seem to be the sort of people who accept me for who I am.

    I love spending time with my three adult children and my husband – wise mirrors and teachers that they are.

    In fact, thinking about this question, I feel incredibly fortunate – I have good friends, a loving family and a wide range of very dear acquaintances.

    As I write this, I am realising that I actually do like spending time with a wide range of people – babies, toddlers, children, teenagers, adults and elderly people.

    I include the animal, mineral and plant world too – for example, I love spending time with my elderly cat because she is so gentle and friendly. I feel calmer and more peaceful when I spend time with her. I also love spending time with the birds in my garden who make me laugh because of their antics and also help me appreciate the beauty and ‘aliveness’ inherent in all things.

    Everyone and everything is fascinating and has some gift to offer. Everyone I meet and everything I encounter is a teacher. How exciting is that?!

    Like: Thumb up +2

  3. Vanessa says:

    I love spending time with my son. He is always so happy and fun. I love him. I treasure these moments with him because he is growing and won’t be this age forever.
    I enjoy spending time with my husband we cut up together and laugh about different things. He admires me and I admire him. We have things in common and share the same opinions. He makes me happy.
    They all have at least one quality that I admire about them:
    One of my good friends talks a whole lot and I admire that about her. She can make friends with an absolute stranger just out of the blue.
    One of my friends talks extremely polite.
    One I admire because she is just a cool person into all the latest trends.
    Another because she is smart
    Another because she thinks I am a somebody
    Another because she has always been fairly close friends since childhood
    Another because he is charming, cool, and smart
    Another because he is smart and sophisticated
    Another because he is smart and sophisticated
    Another because I can tell him anything he is sweet
    Another because he is real religious
    Another because he is always there for me and sweet
    That is all I can think of right now. I always have at least one quality that I admire in every friend that I have. I have fun hanging out with any of my friends I enjoy peoples company. I normally have some things in common. The friends I hang out with are funny, talkative, we have things in common that we discuss, or similar interest like our kids, dancing, Art, school, work, travels, talk about are families. I have normally been around there family several times. I guess it comes down to the fact that we have things in common and that we like each other on a friendly level. We get along and have some similar ground and enjoy each others company. I don’t know quite why I enjoy peoples company maybe partly because they enjoy mine.
    I enjoy spending time with my dogs they love me unconditionally and always want my attention. They love being around me or in my lap.

    I enjoyed this exercise because it is nice to think of some people who care about us. Sometimes I forget that there are a lot of people who care about me. :love:

    Like: Thumb up 0

  4. bimpe says:

    :) I enjoy spending time with my friends, both males and females. they make me feel good when i am around them, i don’t worry about any of my challenges or problem when i am with my friends, they always bring smiles to my face.
    i also enjoy spending time with my partner, he understands me better than even my parent, i find it easy to confide in him and share my heart with him. he is so supportive, loving ,patient and caring.
    My family too are the best people i love being with, they are so caring and loving. they encourage me and support me in all that i do, i feel so relieved and secured when i am with my family.
    then my mentor i dedicate a lot of time to her, i enjoy every bit of time i spend with her cause i always get to learn new thing and how to face my life challenges and overcome all obstacles in my way. she gives me hope, courage and she believes in my dreams. :D

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  5. Vanessa says:

    I enjoy spending time with my mom and extended family. I also enjoy talking to my brother he is smart and gives great advice. All these people I have listed they are fun and interesting. I also enjoy interacting with people that I have known most of my life on facebook.

    Like: Thumb up 0

  6. Vanessa says:

    I enjoy talking to people I don’t even know in public places and on the internet. I think I have listed everyone now. :)

    Like: Thumb up 0

  7. Jeffrey Q says:

    I enjoy being with my family.
    My parents are always relaxed so I am usually able to be more fun and make jokes around them.
    My sisters always push me to become a better person. They know my limits and try to push me beyond them.
    My nephews and nieces always give me reasons to laugh and smile and to make sure we’re all enjoying it, I give them reasons to laugh and smile as well.

    I enjoy being with friends and strangers. What I look for though in people are those who have the ability to open my mind. The ones willing to challenge my way of thinking, through expressing their differing opinions, or their insights into different perspectives that I’ve never thought of. Every new person I meet will usually bring some type of spark and new insight, especially younger kids who have such innocent and literal views of the world.

    Like: Thumb up 0

  8. Ellen says:

    I enjoy spending time with people that give me energy, with whom I have inspirational conversations.

    I enjoy spending time with my husband; we never seem to stop talking, we stick together, we comfort eachother…there is a special connection between us.

    I enjoy spending time with my kids; looking at the world as they see it, making fun, playing, making songs, experimenting with food (pretty soon we’ll be making pizza with banana and honey….)

    I enjoy spending time with family and friends, but I do miss my old friends!
    I emigrated 2 years ago and therefor I don’t see them as often as I would like.
    In a couple of weeks I’ll be visiting (some of) them  Wiiiiieeeee 

    I guess, overall, I enjoy spending time with other people, because they help broaden my horizon, give me a larger understanding and help me grow.

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  9. Vanessa says:

    I have two mentors that I follow and enjoy reading and listening to what they have to say. They give me hope, inspiration, direction, and they help me get over obstacles that arise in my life. I have always searched for a mentor Celest is one of the two. I just started following this blog not to long ago.

    Like: Thumb up +1

  10. Barry says:

    Who do I enjoy spending time with?

    Many people – these are some that I spend more time with:

    My wife – is always up on current events and is fun to converse with as we share many points of view.

    My daughter – is bright and cheerful, nice and thoughtful – she is very pleasant to be around.

    My son – enjoys music, creating, nature – and I enjoy sharing those experiences with him

    My Brother – has good a sense of humor and is easy to converse with, enjoys music as I do, we have several common interests and values.

    My Father – is pleasant and easy going, is a very good person to chat and just hang out and experience life with.

    There are several people that I work with some daily, some only occasionally – I enjoy spending time with them – we share common experiences, they have pleasant personalities that put no pressure on a casual relationship.We can be ourselves while we get know someone else.

    I enjoy meeting new people that are not negative, have a sense of humor, are intelligent, articulate, share common values, and have good manners. They make for good company, for me.

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  11. Dora says:

    I do enjoy spending time with mum when we are in same “location” – doesn’t matter if we are together, we will chat about anything, even if we are tired, we still lay down rest. I think it is normal for everyone to like spending time with their mum or parents esp. if we are far apart.

    The other person i like to spend time with is my closest friend, whom visited me during the week-end. 1st few days, we were catching up on so many things, felt like we haven’t seen each other for years. I feel safe, trust that friend and tell her nearly everything – doesn’t matter if they are happy events or if I am sad, she’s always here to listen…

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  12. Opal says:

    Who do I love spending time with ….well me for one !!! I like my company ! But I love to spend time with my grandson Logan . He is such a joy to me . we bonded greatly at his birth ! How I love my Logan . I also love to spend time with Will he is my youngest son and Logan’s father . He to me is just fun and funny . My sister Alice , who lives in NY we also laff like little girls when we are able to spwnd time . just being silly .One more person whom I will love till I die is a man in Virgina , we spent last summer together Bike riding all the trails in va and md . Geez I love him , I so enjoyed being near him with him , laughig with him and talking with him . The chemistry was that of none other I have ever experienced . :heart:

    Like: Thumb up +1

  13. Shiroh says:

    I enjoy spending time with my friends, daughter, family.

    Like: Thumb up 0

  14. ASLO says:

    i like to spend time with my friends. because with them i can be myself…….

    Like: Thumb up 0

  15. Jess says:

    I love spending time with my work mates, I love that although we are so different as we all have our own backgrounds, values, beliefs and goals – but we can still manage to come together and share the things we do have in common and work as a team.

    Also, I’m not really one to have a particularly thriving social life – so these people mean an awful lot to me, some are kind of like my “second family”.

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