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Source article: How To Have More Best Friends in Life: The Heartfelt Guide

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(Originally written and published on May 17, 2011.)

Have you ever experienced times when you want a listening ear, but you can’t find one? Times when you feel lonely and down, but there’s no one you can speak to? Times when you wonder how you can have all these friends and contacts in your social media list and phone book, yet you’ve never felt more alone in this world?

I felt exactly like that last week.

Aloneness in a Sea of Friends

Last week, I was feeling depressed about something (not relevant to this post, and I don’t remember what it’s about anymore though I’ll be sure to write about it the next time it comes up) and wanted to talk to someone about it.

As I looked through my phone list for someone to reach out to, I realized to my utter disappointment that there was no one I felt I could talk to.

This is not the first time I felt this way. There have been other times where I felt there was no one there for me in this world. Times when I was down and out; when I felt I needed a break (not a rest, but like a break from the world); when I felt unappreciated; when I felt heavy amounts of self-contempt. While such situations do not occur all the time, there have been moments when I feel this way. And when they happened in the past, there were times when I was unable find someone, a fellow friend whom I trust, to confide in.

It was depressing. Original problem aside, it was even more depressing not to have someone whom I could reach out to. It’s quite a hollow feeling when you have an entire phone list of friends, colleagues, business associates, relatives, acquaintances, social buddies, but not feel like there’s any one you can call and speak to. That somehow, out of the all the hundreds or perhaps a thousand people I knew out there, that there wasn’t one – not even one – person whom I felt I could call at that moment when I felt down and out.

It felt as if these connections are facades. That while I’m friends in name and form with all these people out there (name meaning the labels in our relationship like colleagues/friends/pals/etc; form meaning we may occasionally meet up and all), all the mingling, the socializing, the interactions, are nothing but a big charade at the end of the day.

The Different Friends in Our Life

Friends come and go. I guess it’s a fact of life. The friends whom I used to be able to reach out to, and air my thoughts openly – the friends whom I’ll consider my true, soul friends, have faded out of my life in the past few years.

Two of my best friends recently had to relocate to another country, one due to work, and another due to personal reasons. When they left, a part of my inner circle became broken. One of my good friends has been MIA for the past few months, partly because I think his girlfriend opposes to him talking to me, because we’re too close or something. Another good friend from back in junior college has been inaccessible for a good part of our friendship in the past few years. Despite me informing him about the issue, it has never improved. It made me realize that perhaps our friendship was never as close as I thought it was. Then there was my best friend of 10 years from the past, whom I broke away from a few years ago, because our friendship had reached a point where it bounded us rather than served us for the better.

There had been other friends whom I used to be able to call and talk about whatever’s on my mind. These are friends I knew from back in school and in my previous workplace, and I was very close to them for a period of time.

But time saw us drifting away from each other as we became occupied with different things in our lives – me with Personal Excellence and my personal development business, and them with their work and/or relationship partners. I guess things have changed as well since then. Even though I have made numerous efforts to keep in touch with them the past few years, I can’t say they have actively reciprocated those efforts, unfortunately.

For other people on my list, they are normal/good friends, but not the kind of friends I’d call and go into some psycho babble.  Firstly, I do not feel close to them – at least, not close enough where I’d want/expect them to drop everything they’re doing and listen to me just because I’m feeling down. The trust has just not been established.

Many of them are social friends – activity buddies whom I hang out with for dinners, lunches, meet-ups, etc with. But our friendships have never developed beyond just being activity mates. Even though I may want to get to know them better, sometimes I feel an iron wall between us – one they erected because they don’t want to let people in. The interactions never go beyond superficial discussions and slapstick jokes, which fade away in distant memory the next day, never to surface again. Many times, I can’t help but feel that I don’t know them at all, just like how they don’t really know who I am as well.

Secondly, the context of our friendship is not one where I can say something and expect them to understand where I’m coming from. Most people know me as someone who’s strong, confident, knowledgeable, and for what it’s worth, that’s predominantly the person I’ve become today.

But there’s also a sensitive, emotional, doubtful, vulnerable, self-debilitating side of me deep down inside, who unveils herself when times are tough and no one’s looking. If any regular friend is to see me like that, the person would probably think I’ve gone off the deep end, or I’m undergoing some serious mental issues. The person would never be able to understand nor comprehend. Close friends, on the other hand, would know me enough not to judge or overreact.

Thirdly, because everyone has his/her viewpoints and experiences in life, I don’t open up to everyone about everything. Rather, I select the friends who have relevant background and understanding about what I’m doing/going through, so it’s easier to share, discuss and connect with.

For example, I’m not going to discuss my blogging goals and strategies if someone has absolutely zero background about blogging, because it’s not going to be a constructive discussion (compared to when I talk to someone who’s in the field too). I’m also not going to talk about emotional eating if the person has not been through it before. It’s all related to point #2, regarding context. With people who have not gone through that same experience before, they can end up judging/imposing, or unable to help or advise on the situation. Even if they may have the best intentions, the chats can sometimes leave me more frustrated than before we talk.

Anatomy of Authentic Relationships

As I mulled over my feeling of emptiness, I couldn’t help but wonder what make our best friends, best friends. What is it that makes us decide if this is someone we want to reach out to when we feel down? Why is it that I feel more inclined to contact certain people, but not others? Why is it that the same, few names pop into my mind, whenever I feel weak, vulnerable, and depressed?

And most importantly: How can we extend this kind of relationship to everyone around us as well, since this kind of heartfelt, unadulterated connection is arguably the highest form of friendships that one would like to get?

To find the answers to my questions, I began to sieve out the people whom I consider myself to be close to, whether today or at some point in the past. I thought about the people whom I had reached out to confide in before. I thought about the people whom I used to feel safe sharing my darkest thoughts and feelings with. I thought about the people whom I used to think about contacting whenever I was in a fix.

As I analyzed these friendships, I began to see commonalities among them:

• These people had, at one point in time, been there for me when I was down in the past.
• These people had never once judged me, criticized me, nor been negative to me.
• These people had supported and encouraged me before in my life.
• These were people whom I got to know better before our friendship progressed, due to the presence of a common “space”, such as school, a workplace, a business project, and so on.

Out of all these friendships, there wasn’t a set point where they suddenly switched from hi-bye/regular friendships to a deeper friendship overnight. Rather, it was more of a progression:

1. We knew each other under a certain context, be it work/school/life (length of friendship not withstanding).
2. They had been supportive in the friendship all along, and had always looked out for me, one way or another.
3. Because of that, it built the trust, from me to them.
4. Over time, it led me to confide in them during the points when I faced challenges in my life.
5. The experience made the friendship even stronger.

If anything, the starting point for these true, authentic friendships was their unconditional kindness, their non-judgmental nature, their supportiveness, and their giving spirit. Without any of this, the friendships would never have blossomed the way they did. Without these, I would never have confided in them, and these friends would never have become my good friends.

Being a Best Friend vs. Having Best Friends

When I was thinking about this, I realized to my horror that I have not been any of these to my friends out there. I have not been working on building my friends’ trust in me. I have not been understanding, supportive nor encouraging to others. I’ve not placed others’ needs before mine. I’ve not been very interested in what others are going through in their lives.

In short, I’ve not been a best friend to others.

Suddenly, I felt so incredibly ashamed of myself. That while others have been giving to me all along, I have not been giving to others. That while people have been supporting me in different stages of my life, I have been taking it for granted. That instead of checking how others are and whether they’re doing okay in their lives, there I was, feeling sad for myself because I didn’t have anyone I could speak to about my issues.

Who the heck am I to expect others to be there for me if I have been that way to others? Who am I to feel disappointed and b*tch to the universe about my lack of confidants, when I have not been that to others around me? Who am I to expect others to be best friends to me, when I’ve not been a best friend to others?

I realized that I have been so selfish in how I’ve been approaching my friendships. I realized I have taken my friends for granted – expecting them to be there all the time, assuming they would be there when I need them. I realized I have also been relying on circumstances and the world to bring in great friendships, vs. making the effort to create them. I realized that I had no right to expect the world to hand me authentic friendships, when I had not made an effort to cultivate such friendships to begin with.

Before expecting others to be there for me all the time, perhaps the question to ask is this: Have I been a best friend to others first?

I realized it’s possible for us to create true, close friendships – as many as we want, in fact. It’s a matter of us taking the first step, reaching out to others, establishing trust and bridging the divide. But first, we’ve to make the conscious effort to build the friendships to begin with. Because until we do, the gap between us and the other souls out there will remain as they are. It’ll not close by itself without hard work and desire.

How To Create More Authentic Connections

“A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.” - Proverb

In 10 Useful Tips To Make New Friends, I mentioned there are 3 types of friends. Hi-bye friends, regular social buddies, and true-soul friends. I shared how we can make new friends in general, but did not cover specifically on making true, soul friends.

For the rest of today’s article, I’ll share with you my heartfelt guide on how to create true, soul friendships. Rather than wait for the universe to hand you your best friends, it’s up to us to go out there and create such friendships. Of course, you can’t control whether others want to return the effort or not, but I do truly believe that when we give out of the goodness of our heart, and when we connect authentically with the intention to help them, other people will reciprocate too.

Not only that, we’ll also attract like-minded people who want to create authentic connections too. By focusing on the steps below in the guide, it’s a matter of time before the best of the best friendships will unfold before you.

I also want to state that I’m using “best friends” loosely to represent close, heartfelt, authentic connections. It stands for people whom you know you can readily reach out to whenever you need help; people whom you know will be there for you no matter what happens. These are the most real, most true connections you can ever have in life.

1. Be a great friend to others first (Think about how you can give vs. receive)

Before we think about having more best friends, we should do some self evaluation and ask ourselves if we have been best friends to others first. Because if we haven’t, then there’s some internal work to be done. How can we expect others to be our best friends, if we’re not even that way to them first? What right do we have to expect that from people out there?

I was talking to a good friend a couple of months back or so (on the topic of love), and this comment came up about making relationships work – “Think about how willing you are about giving first, versus what you expect from the relationship”. (not word for word, but something along those lines). That gave me somewhat of an a-ha moment, because I realized that this was not how I had viewed relationships at all. I had always been (implicitly) seeing them as what I could get out of them, vs. what I could give to the relationship itself. That was definitely some food for thought. I couldn’t help but do quite a bit of self-reflection after that.

While the point above was made in the context of romantic relationships, it applies to friendships too. Some questions for you to think over:

• How much are you willing to give to your friendships to make them work? A lot? A little? Nothing?
• How willing are you to be a best friend to others? Do you recognize that a friendship is a 2-way relationship?
• Do you recognize that making friendships work is about first being that best friend to others first?

If you understand the above, I’ll say you’re in the right place to make meaningful, genuine relationships. If not, perhaps you’re in no place to expect others to give you unconditional kindness.

I’d never thought about how I could be a best friend to others, but instead thought about which of my friends were better friends compared to others. But now it’s different as I focus on giving vs. receiving in my friendships.

2. Identify who you want to build authentic relationships with

Not everyone is a compatible match when it comes to creating authentic, high quality relationships.

For one, different people vibrate at different consciousness levels, and that already filters out the people you can connect with. Someone who’s at the level of fear obviously isn’t a good match for someone who’s at the level of courage. The former will be hesitating from making decisions in fear of ramifications, while the latter will be eager to take bold steps and create results in his/her life. Because of this, the former may end up holding the latter back. The former may become dependent on the latter on decisions and directions in life, which creates a parasite-host situation.

Likewise, someone who’s at the level of guilt wouldn’t be a good match for someone at the level of pride. The former is in a constant state of anguish and regret, while the latter may make use of the former’s guilt to build his/her life. This may result in a manipulative, backhanded relationship.

Secondly, different people have different values. Your values are like the big rocks holding the friendship in place. People with similar values will have little problem connecting with one another. The friendship blossoms almost naturally. However, when people with different values get together, they might find the friendship binding instead. They may find themselves disagreeing and conflicting more often than they support one another. My past friendship with K is an example of how friendships built on diverging values can bind us.

(Check out Discover Your Values article in Personal Excellence Book Volume 1, which teaches you how to identify your own values.)

Ideally, your best friendships are built with people who (a) vibrate at a similar consciousness level as you, or 1 level above/below yours. If the levels are too far apart, it’ll be hard for both of you to connect. (b) have similar values as you do.

That’s not to say that you ignore people who don’t fit either criteria. No, not at all. Remember #1 on being a best friend to others first – this applies to everyone, regardless on their consciousness level or values. If there’s a friend who needs you, then be there for them, no matter who he/she is. Point #2 isn’t about discriminating or alienating certain friends – It’s just about consciously selecting people whom you want to further your friendship with. At the base level, you should continue to be a best friend to everyone in your circle, where you can.

Let’s do a simple exercise now – Look through your connections list, and think about the people whom you’re most eager to build a better relationship with. Pick out at least 3-5 people.

• It may be an acquaintance whom you’ve only met once (or only corresponded through email), but you feel there’s potential to bring the relationship to the next level. This person may have exuded some vibes which made you feel positive about him/her.
• It may be a business contact you’ve been working with professionally, but haven’t had the chance to know about him/her personally.
• It may be an old friend whom you’ve been in touch with on/off, but never made the effort to know him/her better.

As I did this exercise, I picked out 7 people. They include a coursemate from my ex-university whom I’ve been out of touch with, 3 contacts I’ve made in the course of running my business (only met each of them 1-2 times before), one business partner I’ve working with closely with for the past year for my workshops, one like-minded business owner, and a recent client who contacted me for a workshop engagement. Most of them are people whom I do not know very well (yet), but I’d love to get to know better. These are also people whom I got pretty good vibes from in the few times we’ve contacted each other.

When you’re done, go to the next step.

3. Create opportunities to know each other

The next step after #2 is to create opportunities to bond with them.

Before I regarded my best friends as best friends, we started off as regular friends. It was after knowing them better that I slowly became more open with them. How did we get to know each other better? By being part of a common “space” that allowed us to hang out and know each other better. For example, being from the same school. Taking the same classes. Joining the same activities. Working in the same company. Working on the same projects.

So what should we do when there’s no longer such a context for us to make friends? Say when we graduate from school? When we leave a club/group/association? When we quit our jobs? How about people who become self-employed, where they’re not part of any organizations but themselves? Wouldn’t everything come to an end?

Well, not quite. If that “space” where both of you used to be a part of disappears because of a progression in your life path, or if the space doesn’t exist in the first place, then it’s up to you to create it! Create opportunities for you to know each other, via asking them out.

There’s no need to wait or expect people to ask you out first. You can well do it yourself. The easiest way is to ask him/her out for tea, lunch, or dinner. If you have a party or gathering coming up, you can also invite him/her along. Maybe he/she will say no, but maybe he/she will say yes too.

If no one’s asking you out, it may be because it did not strike them that they can do so. It’s also possible that they take a passive stance towards friendships, as I did in the past – I was just waiting for the universe to drop good people on my lap. This was a poor approach. As I mentioned above, we have a role to play when it comes to creating authentic friendships. So let’s do that, and stop waiting for the world to drop best friends on our lap. Let’s work on earning our friendships rather than taking them for granted.

For example, last month I initiated a meet-up with an old friend. There was no premise for the meet-up at all – I just thought of the friend one day, thought that we hadn’t met up for a while, and sent a text message to see if she wanted to meet up in that same week. I was well expecting her to reject me and say that she was busy for the whole week.

As it turned out, she was free – and we met up the next day, below my flat, where we chatted for 4 hours, up till almost midnight. In this one meet-up, I think we got to know each other much better than the entire decade we knew each other. And all this, from sending a simple message with a simple intention to meet-up. In doing so, I created an opportunity, a space for us to know each other better, just like you should do so for your other friendships too.

4. Get to know them vs. Fringe topics

True, authentic friendships built on mutual understanding of each other. This only happens when you get to know the person as an individual.

When you meet someone, there are 2 types of discussions that can take place. One is where you chat about marginal, fringe topics, like what’s on the news, the weather today, the movies, tv shows, celebrities, latest gossip, and the like. The other is where you get to know the other person earnestly, from one soul to another – from aspirations to fears, from goals to dreams.

The first type of discussion will leave you feeling empty at the end of the meet-up, and quite frankly, does nothing to forward the friendship. At the end, it remains a superficial connection, characteristic of that between hi-bye friends and even regular friends. The latter, on the other hand, helps you know the other person on a deeper level, and goes a long way towards building the friendship between both of you. It’s the first step to building authentic connections.

If you want to further a friendship, get to know the other party personally. How is he/she doing? What has he/she been up to? How is he/she doing at work? Is he/she happy there? What’s been on his/her mind lately? Then just let the discussion flow from there. Make sure the discussion is split at least 50/50 between you/your friend. Be mindful when you’re talking too much, because you may be preventing your friend from sharing.

If you want to take the discussion to the next level, you can learn more about his/her aspirations, what motivates him/her, his/her highest goals and dreams, and more. If the person is earnest about building an open friendship, he/she will readily share, vs. seclude him/herself.

For me, getting to know someone is always an exciting process. Each person is multi-faceted, has his/her motivations that drives him/her, has his/her own story to tell, and a history that makes him/her who he/she is today. Knowing someone is like flipping a book and discovering the mysteries that lie within each page.

5. Focus on the positives, not the negatives

In connecting with others, you may experience qualities about them which you don’t like. Don’t let yourself shy away from that friendship just because of that though. Unless it’s a make-or-break issue (such as values mismatch), you should not let that get in the way of the development of the friendship.

It’s easy to harp on someone else’s faults, but such a mindset doesn’t help you build true friendships. Firstly, who’s to say whether something is a flaw or a not? At the end of the day, it’s all just one’s perception. Everything can always be interpreted 2 ways - negative or positive, and it’s up to you on how you want to perceive them. For example, an impatient person is efficient. A bossy person is good at taking charge. A quiet person is a good listener. A chatty person is sociable and lively. A critical person is sharp and honest. They are just 2 sides of the same coin.

Secondly, true friendships aren’t built on a premise where you pinpoint your friends’ every “flaw” and “mistake”.  They are built under the context where the other party is non-judgmental and nurturing. If you think about it, do you like people who constantly criticize you and watch your every move? People who pinpoint and nitpick your mistakes? Or do you prefer people who see you for who you are? People who are encouraging and supportive? Chances are, it’s the latter.

You can’t change the person’s character (that’s his/her decision to make), but you can change how you see them. Be emotionally generous. Rather than harp on things you don’t like about someone, focus on the positives instead. Recognize his/her strengths, capabilities and skills. Give praise where appropriate. See each friend as who he/she is and who he/she can be, not who he/she isn’t. Be supportive and encouraging.

6. Share your life

A friendship is a 2-way effort. Besides getting to know the person (see #4), you should be ready to share your life with them too. You cannot keep expecting the other person to share if you don’t do any sharing yourself. The friendship will not progress this way.

Let them know what you’ve been up to. Share with them things you’re passionate about. Let them in on your goals and dreams. Let them know what’s on your mind. Be as open and honest with them as you can.

7. Build trust first

Do you recognize that for any friendship to progress, trust has to be built first? You can’t just waltz in one day and suddenly expect someone to open him/herself to you, just because you reached out and made the first effort. Friendships don’t work that way. You’ve to first build the trust, bit by bit.

When I think about what made me open up to my friends in the past, it was because they were somehow just always there for me, whenever I needed them. Looking back, it was because they made an effort to be a part of my life, whether through conscious or unconscious actions on their part. This led me to trust them, and learn to count on them.

For someone to let you in, you have to build the trust in the other person.  And one of the ways is by making an effort to be a part of the person’s life, vs. just observing from the sideway. Some ways to do this:

• Drop him/her a sms or email every now and then to see how he/she is doing.
• Arrange for a meet up regularly, say once a month for starters, then more frequently if the friendship blossoms.
• On top of the normal lunch/dinner outings, suggest to go some place and do something different that’s in line with the person’s interests
• If the person is part of certain interest groups, join in to see how they are like. Get to know this side of his/her life that you’re normally not privy to.
• You can keep in touch via phone too. Do so only if you know the person is receptive to chatting on the phone, and if both of you are somewhat close. If both of you are not close, it’ll be good to check if it’s okay to call first, as the person may be busy with other things. Phone calls are intrusive in nature and may not be appreciated if you’re calling on non-urgent matters.
• Be in touch with what’s happening in the person’s life during the times when you are not meeting up. Social networking sites today, like Twitter and Facebook, makes it easy for you to that.

8. Let them in during your down times

This might not come across as an intuitive step, but it’s actually an important one.

If you’d like to build a true, authentic friendship with someone else, you need to open up to him/her.

Beyond just sharing about your life, your thoughts, and your feelings as I mentioned in #6, it’s also about being able to share your happiest times and your down times. The times when my friendships with others really advanced was when I shared with them the frustrations and challenges I was facing. When I did that, I gave my friends the opportunity to know more about me and my inner world, and I also gave myself the opportunity to further a friendship.

Some of you may hesitate about doing that, because you may feel that the other party may not want to hear about it, and you may just be intruding on the person’s space. I actually agree. My recommendation is to do it if the person has made the effort to know you (#4), is supportive (#5) and be a part of your life (#7). This way, you know this person is sincere about developing the friendship, and you know you can count on him/her.

Note that friendships where only one party shares become lopsided, and are generally not healthy. These are not really friendships, but more mentor-mentee relationships. Which is okay if that’s the intention, but not okay if you’re looking for an equal friendship. If you want to build a 2-way friendship, you should let the person in on your inner thoughts. This will encourage the person to share accordingly too. I’ve found from my friendships that when I share openly about what I feel and what I think, my friends are encouraged to follow suit too.

9. Support them: Be there for them when they need you

Support them by being there when they need you

As you do #1-#8, your friend may gradually open up to you. He/she may start to share with you his/her fears, concerns and obstacles he/she is facing in life.

Just like you want others to be for you when you’re in need, make sure you’re there for them as well. This is where you let him/her know via concrete actions that you’re a true friend who’s here to support him/her in his/her problems. Actions speak louder than words – at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter the things you say about the friendship, but but you do.

Don’t impose your judgment

Besides being there for them when they need you, it’s also about (a) being supportive and understanding and (b) listening without bias, i.e. not imposing your judgment.

Not too long ago, I confided in a good friend about my emotional eating issues. She kept signing it off, saying it was about eating right and exercising – even though I told her that this wasn’t the real problem and it was something more deeply rooted. I was angry and frustrated. The whole time, I didn’t feel like she tried to understand what I was saying. In the end, feeling dejected, I closed myself off. While we continued to be close, I never once talked to her again about my struggles with my weight and emotional eating, because I knew she wasn’t going to empathize with what I was going through.

While you may have your best intentions, you have to be careful about imposing judgments on others’ problems. Allow them to share openly, and help them to process what they’re going through. Don’t conclude or judge without hearing the person out. You may end off closing off a budding friendship.

Empathizing vs. Giving solutions

Sometimes people approach you because they are looking for a listening ear. Sometimes they approach you because they’re looking for solutions. Learn to recognize their needs and wear that hat accordingly. There’s no need to give solutions when the person is just looking for someone to hear him/her out.

Look out for implicit cries for help

Being there for them doesn’t happen only when they physically ask for help. A lot of times, people don’t “ask” for help explicitly. They may be afraid of troubling you.

You need to be sensitive to others’ needs. Keep yourself up to date of what’s happening in their lives (#7). Listen to sub-text of what a person says. Always keep a look out for ways to be a better friend to him/her. For example, if a friend has been troubled by work in the past week, you can ask him/her out to take her mind off work. You can also get a small present to cheer him/her out. It’s the littlest things you do that make the biggest difference.

10. Focus on those who reciprocate your efforts

In your efforts to reach out and connect, there are going to be times when your efforts are not reciprocated. For example, there are going to be friends / contacts who don’t respond. There are going to be people who tell you they are too busy to meet. And there are going to be people who keep canceling on you / pushing back on the appointment dates when you’re trying to accommodate to their requests and looking forward to the meet-ups.

It doesn’t matter though. I’ve friends / acquaintances who don’t respond to outreach requests or take a long time to revert; who keep saying they’re busy and set a 1-month lead-time for appointments when you’re just asking them out for a simple lunch/dinner; who cancel in the last minute or don’t even inform when they can’t come; and who play lip service to meet up requests.

In the past I would wonder why they make it so hard to meet them, when I’m trying so hard to make our friendship work out. I’d feel quite annoyed and disappointed at them.

But then I realize that’s just the way they are. Maybe they are just anti-social and they prefer to be alone. Maybe they’re just not at the stage in their life where they want to connect with other people. Maybe I’m just not an important friend to them. Maybe meeting people and cultivating friendships just isn’t the priority in their life at the moment. After all, for a long time in the past, I prioritized work above all else, so I’ve guilty of that.

Respect their choices. Rather than crib at the people who don’t reciprocate, hey – Focus on the ones who do return your efforts. Let the latter group know how much you appreciate them taking the time to meet up. Be there for them when they need you. Spend more effort on cultivating relationships with people who care and make an effort, rather than those who choose to close themselves off to begin with. You’ll find connecting with the former much more rewarding.

Announcement: Can we be friends? Join my new Facebook Page

As I’ve shared in my earlier post on Returning to Facebook, I just created a new Facebook Page, because I want to connect with all of you as the individuals you are, rather than random statistics and figures on my blog counter. With this page, I hope to know all of you better as readers, individuals, and friends. At the moment, there are about 366 439 over 1,300 amazing Personal Excellence readers (as of Jul ’11) on the page.

If you’d like to give me a chance to know you better (please say yes!! ♥), I sincerely invite you to connect with me on my Facebook Page. I’ll greatly value your friendship. I make the effort to read every message on the page and reply where I can.

Share this Guide

If you’ve found this guide helpful, I’ll appreciate it if you can share it with others via Facebook or Twitter. Thank you, it really means a lot to me. I look forward to connecting with you more on my Facebook page.

Image © Kelliem

Related Posts

• 10 Useful Tips To Make New Friends
• [Pic] How To Create More Meaningful Relationships, Manifesto Version
• Why I Parted Ways With My Best Friend of 10 Years

1. How To Deal With Energy Vampires
2. 7 Tips To Tackle Naysayers in Your Life
3. 8 Helpful Ways To Deal With Critical People
4. How To Deal With Dishonest People
5. How To Deal With Rude People (3-part series)
6. 10 Tips To Make New Friends
7. How To Handle Bullying: An Important Guide

Image ©

“Hi Celes, I have a small group of friends as I’m a shy person. I’m not really confident enough to go out and meet new people. I would like some advice on how I can meet new people and get more friends.” – John

Making new friends can be intimidating, but it’s definitely rewarding. After all, friends form a big part of our life. They are the ones who walk through life together, share our ups and downs and joys and pains. Without friends, life wouldn’t be the same at all. We wouldn’t be who we are if not for them.

If you are looking to make new friends, you have to get clear on what kind of friends you want to make. Broadly speaking, there are 3 types of friends.

1. “Hi-Bye” friends (or acquaintances). These are the ones you see in school/work because the context called for it. You say hi when you see each other and you say bye at the end of the day, but that’s about it. The relationship never lasts when the context is removed i.e. when you graduate from school or leave the workplace.
2. Regular friends. Social, activity buddies you meet up every now and then to catch-up or hang out with. You can generally talk about regular topics under the sun.
3. True, soul friends (or best friends). The friends you can talk about anything and everything with. You may or may not meet up every day, but it doesn’t matter, because the strength of your friendship is not determined by how frequently you meet up – it’s more than that. These are the friends who can be trusted to be there for you whenever you need them, and they will go the extra mile for you.

Most of us are looking to make regular friends and if possible, true, soul friends. We probably have a lot of hi-bye friends – more than we can count. The ratio of my hi-bye friends, normal friends and true, soul friends is about 60-30-10%. I suspect it’s about the same for other people too, with a variance of about 5%~10%.

No matter whether you just want to make normal friends or best friends, you can do that. You might not believe it, but I was a very quiet and secluded girl back during primary and secondary school years. When I was in junior college, I maintained this seclusive lifestyle, though I began to speak up more. Entering university and later on, P&G (my ex-company), made me even more sociable. Today I run my blog and coach others in 1-1 and workshops where I open up a lot of my life to others. If the younger me  had wondered how I would be in the future, I wouldn’t have thought that I would be as outward and expressive as I am today.

Similarly, if you take a look at those people out there who seem to make friends easily, they were probably seclusive people themselves at some point. The social skills were all picked up over time. For that same reason, you can learn to become more sociable through time and practice.

Here are my 10 personal tips to get new friends:

1. Realize your fear is in your head

The first step is to develop a healthy mental image of meeting new people. Some of us see meeting new people as a scary event. We are concerned about making a good impression, whether the other person will like us, how to keep the conversation going, and so on. The more we think about it, the scarier it seems. This initial apprehension develops into a mental fear, which takes a life of its own and unknowingly blocks us from making new friends. Shyness towards others is actually a result of fear.

Actually all these fears are just in our head. If you think about it, about 99% of people are too busy being concerned over the exact same things about themselves to pay attention to you. They’re just as scared as you are.  The remaining 1% are people who recognize a relationship is built on way stronger values than specific words or things said/done during just 1 encounter. Even if there are people who do judge you on what you do/say, are these people you want to be friends with? I’m thinking not.

2. Start small with people you know

If you haven’t been socializing much, meeting a whole bunch of new people may intimidate you. If that’s the case, start small first. Lower down the difficulty of the task by starting off with your inner circle of friends – i.e. people you are more familiar with. Some ways to do that are:

• Reach out to acquaintances. Have any hi-bye type friends from earlier years? Or friends you lost touch with over time? Drop a friendly sms and say hi. Ask for a meet-up when they are free. See if there are opportunities to reconnect.
• See if there are cliques where you can join in. Cliques are established groups of friends. The idea isn’t to break into the clique, but to practice being around new friends. With cliques, the existing members will probably take the lead in conversations, so you can just take the observatory role and watch the dynamics between other people.
• Get to know your friends’ friends. You can join them in their outings or just ask your friend to introduce you to them. If you are comfortable with your friends, there’s a good chance you will be comfortable with their friends too.
• Accept invitations to go out. I have friends who rarely go out. When they are asked out, they reject majority of the invites because they rather stay at home. As a result, their social circles are limited. If you want to have more friends, you have to step out of your comfort zone and go out more often. You can’t make more friends in real life if you stay at home!

3. Get yourself out there

Once you acquaint yourself more with your inner circle of friends, the next step will be to extend it outward to people you don’t know.

• Join meet-up groups. Meetup.com is a great social networking site. There are many interest groups, such as groups for entrepreneurs, aspiring authors, vegetarian, boardgame lovers, cycling enthusiasts, etc. Pick out your interests and join those groups. Meet-ups are usually monthly, depending on the group itself. Great way to meet a lot of new people quickly.
• Attend workshops/courses. These serve as central avenues that gather like-minded people. I went to a personal development workshop last year, and there I met with many great individuals, some of whom I became good friends with.
• Volunteer. Great way to kill 2 birds with one stone – not only do you get to spread kindness and warmth, you meet compassionate people with a cause.
• Go to parties. Parties such as birthday parties, christmas/new year/celebration parties, housewarmings, function/events, etc. Probably a place where you’ll meet a high quantity of new friends but not necessarily quality. Good way to meet more people nonetheless.
• Visit bars and clubs. Many people visit them to meet more friends, but I don’t recommend them as the friends you make here are probably more hi-bye type, rather than the type #2 and type #3 friends. It’s good to just visit them a couple of times and see how they’re like before you make your judgment.
• Online communities. Internet is a great way to meet new people. Some of my best friendships started online. I met one of my best friends, K, from an IRC channel 10 years ago. There are at least 2 other good friends whom I first met online too during that same time period. We’ve since met up numerous times and became great friends. Even today, I have numerous great friendships with people I’ve never met (other personal development bloggers, my readers). Just because we have not met (yet) does not mean we can’t be great friends.Nowadays, online forums are the central locations where communities gather. Check out online forums of your interest topics. Participate constructively and add value to the discussions. Soon, you’ll get to know them better as friends.

4. Take the first step

Once you are out there with people around you, someone has to make the first move. If the other party doesn’t start-off, just take the first step to say a friendly hello. Get to know each other a little better! Share something about yourself, then give the other party a chance to share about him/her. Something easy, like asking how the day is, or what they did today / in the past week is a great conversation starter. Once the ice is broken, it’ll be easier to connect.

5. Be open

Be open-minded. Don’t judge.

Sometimes, you might have a preset notion of what kind of friend you want. Maybe someone who is understanding, listens, has the same hobbies, watches the same movies, has similar educational background etc. And then when you meet the person and realize the person veers off your expectations, you might be ready to close yourself off.

Don’t do that. Give the friendship a chance to blossom. More importantly, give yourself a chance at this budding friendship. I have several very good friends who come from totally different backgrounds, and I would never have thought we would be so close when I first knew them, simply because we are so different. A good number of my ex-clients are people whom I’d never meet normally given our diverse backgrounds, yet we get along extremely well, just like good friends.

Open your heart.

On that same note, open your heart to the person. This connection between you and the other party can only begin when your heart is open. This means to be trusting, have faith, and believe in the goodness of other people. You can’t form any new connections if you mistrust others or you are fearful that things won’t work out. It’ll send off the wrong vibes and cause them to close off their hearts to you too.

When I make new friends, I open myself fully, with full faith that they are good people, with good heart and good intentions. I noticed that because I do that, it has helped me to foster a lot of genuine relationships which are built on trust, love and faith. These meaningful relationships wouldn’t be possible if I had closed myself off at the onstart. One direct example is on my blog – I open myself to all of you fully and in return, I attract readers who are genuine, supportive and kind. I’m not sure about other communities online, but I know the Personal Excellence community of readers is one of authenticity, openness and support. I know it because I can feel the warmth from all of you whether in your emails, comments or messages.

6. Get to know the person

A friendship is equally about you and about the other person. Get to know the person as an individual. For example, below are some questions that can help you:

• What is his/her background?
• How did he/she come to be where he/she is today?
• What are his/her hobbies?
• What is his/her values/motivators in life?
• What is important to him/her?

7. Connect with genuinity

Often times we are too caught up with ourselves – such as what others will think of us, what we should say next, what our next action is – that we miss the whole point of a friendship. You can work on the presentation aspects such as how you look, what you say, and how you say things, but don’t obsess over them. These actions don’t (truly) define the friendship. What defines the friendship is the connection between you and the friend.

Show warmth, love and respect towards everyone you meet. Do things because you want to, and not because you need to. Care for them like you would to yourself. If you approach others with genuinity, you will attract people who want to connect genuinely. Among them will be your future true friends.

8. Be yourself

Don’t change yourself to make new friends. That’s the worse thing you can do. Why do I say that?

Say you make many new friends by being vocal and brassy. However, your normal persona is quiet and introverted. What happens then? It may be great initially to get those new friends, but the friendship was established as you being an extrovert. That means either:

1. You continue being the vocal, brassy person your new friends knew you as. However, it’ll just be a facade. In the long-run, it’ll be a tiring facade to uphold. Not only that, the friendship will just be built on a hollow front. Or
2. You change back to the introverted you. However, your friends will feel cheated because that isn’t the person they befriended. They’ll also gradually shift away if the personalities don’t match.

So, just be yourself. That way, potential new friends will know you as you, and they’ll use that to decide if they want to take the friendship a step further. I don’t think there’s a need to be outward and articulate like Tony Robbins to get friends. It’s all about being you. The truest friendships are built with both parties accepting each other for who they are.

9. Be there for them

A friendship is a supportive union between two people. Be there for your friends where you can. Does any of your friends need any help currently? Is there anything you can help them with? How can you better support them?

When you help your friends, don’t do so with the expectations to be helped next time. Rather, help unconditionally. Treat them with emotional generosity. Give because you want to, and not because you feel obliged to. I find that the satisfaction I get from helping others and knowing they are better off is reward greater than anything I can get in return.

10. Make the effort to stay in touch

At the end of the day, continual effort is required to maintain the friendship. Willingness to make the effort is what differentiates hi-bye friends from other friends. Ask your friends out every once in a while. Depending on the intensity of the friendship, there’s no need to meet up every few days or once a week – catching up once a month or once every few months might be sufficient. The strength of your relationship is not measured by how frequently you meet up. For some of my best friends, we meet only about once every few months. Yet, there’s never any doubt that we’re closely connected and we will be there for each other when needed.

If both of you have your own set of engagements, it might be hard to find time together. Arrange for a simple meet up, say over lunch, tea or dinner time. Or, you can always catch up over text messages, online chat or phone calls. Technology has made communication so easy that it’s difficult not to stay in touch.

This is part of the Dealing With People series.

1. How To Deal With Energy Vampires
2. 7 Tips To Tackle Naysayers in Your Life
3. 8 Helpful Ways To Deal With Critical People
4. How To Deal With Dishonest People
5. How To Deal With Rude People (3-part series)
6. 10 Tips To Make New Friends
7. How To Handle Bullying: An Important Guide

Related Posts

• How To Have More Best Friends in Life: The Heartfelt Guide
• [Pic] How To Create More Meaningful Relationships, Manifesto Version
• How To Finish What You Start: 10 Important Tips
• Ask Celes – Should I Tell My Ex That I Cheated On Him Before?

(Original post written and published on Jan 29 2010)

Have you ever had a friendship which you had to let go in order to move forward in your growth?

I have. It was with one of the closest friends I have ever had – someone whom I’d refer to as K. K and I knew each other for 10 years and were best friends, before we parted ways last year (2009).

How We Knew Each Other

I first knew K when I was 15. That was 10 years ago. I remember at that time, I was learning web design as a hobby and was setting up my first website. As my webhost (I was using Crosswinds at that time) was frequently down, I would often visit their IRC support channel to check out what was wrong. (Those were the good old days when IRC and ICQ ruled the world of online chat.)

There, I came to know K, who was one of the support volunteers. K was 27 and from America. Even though we were from different backgrounds and were 12 years apart, we hit it off very well. There was another girl – M, same age as me, whom we acquainted with in the chat room too.

Before we knew it, all 3 of us became very close friends. Our interest in web design was one of the things which brought us together. Me, K and M would often hang out online and just chat for hours and hours to no end. Because each of us were from different timezones (I was from Singapore, K was from America – 15 hrs apart – and M was from Netherlands which was 7 hrs apart), we would each take turns to stay up / wake up early just so we could hang out more. One of the things I looked forward every day after school was just hanging out with them. We were closer with each other than to many of our other friends. The anonymity of the internet allowed us to connect more authentically as individuals, free of subconscious impositions that would come attached with our social labels in the society.

Becoming Best Friends

Over the next few years, K and I stayed connected, while M and I drifted away. Since K was from America, we had never met in person before. Yet, over the course of the next 10 years, our friendship became stronger and stronger.

Do you have a very close friend in your life? K was my closest, platonic friend ever. He was the one person whom I knew I could trust my life with and he would protect it with his life. He would always be there to provide a listening ear whenever I needed one, no matter how busy he was or what he was occupied with. Whether I was down, angry, happy or restless, he would be there to listen. We would talk on the phone almost every day. He would stay up through the night and sacrifice his sleep so we could talk. Our conversations covered just about everything, from daily events, life, personal introspection, hobbies, our families, friends, relationships, my school, his work, etc.

Deep down, I felt extremely blessed and thankful to have a friend like him.

Pushing Him To Take Action On His Life

As K’s best friend, I was personally invested in his life. I always felt K was seriously living below his potential. He seemed like he was stuck in a rut in his life. For example, he was working in jobs which underutilized his capabilities. In the 10 years we knew each other, he would switch back and fro from lower tier jobs to unemployment to odd jobs. He was perpetually always trying to repay debts to his friends and family which he built up from earlier years.

He was also procrastinating on his Quadrant 2 areas. For example, he wanted to be in a relationship, but he never took much action to find his life partner. His health and fitness was neglected – he was taking the standard junk food diet and didn’t make effort to keep his fitness level in check. From an overall life standpoint, he was living on a day to day basis, without really living life to the fullest.

For the people whom we care about, we would naturally want what was best for them. It was the same from me to K. I constantly pushed him to work on his life. It started as small steps, by urging him to get a better job and encouraging him to work on his diet. These were areas he said he wanted to work on, but didn’t seem to be doing anything about them. I encouraged him to set goals and take action. If I happened to be embarking on a goal which he might be interested in, I would extend an invitation to him to join me in the goal pursuit too. Whatever skills or adages I had picked up and found useful, I would share with him so he could benefit from it.

While K grew in his own ways over the years, I felt he was still largely living his life in inertia and wasting his life away. Not only that, whatever growth he experienced was largely triggered by me. I had to push him really hard to get him to act just a little on his goals. When I wasn’t doing so, he would simply stop doing anything. All in all, the actual results only represented about 0.01% of the total energy I was investing into his growth. All these left me mentally and emotionally drained in the friendship.

Weariness in the Friendship

© Arielle Kristina

It got to the point where I was very frustrated. While I was moving forward in leaps in my personal life, it felt as if K was pretty much stuck in the same stage, right from when I first knew him when I was 15. Like his life was in a standstill.

I felt sad. Since K was my best friend, I wished for him to be living his life to the fullest. Wouldn’t it be great if both of us could be actively pursuing our goals and achieving success in our pursuits? Wouldn’t it be great if we could enjoy the joy of conscious living and blaze through life together? As I progressed further in my goals, our differences widened. It became harder and harder to relate to him about myself, my life, my goals. He could only be listening as a proxy rather than really connecting with what I was sharing. I felt his lack of growth was holding me back from achieving even more with my life.

In retrospect, I realized the dynamics of the friendship didn’t allow him to truly grow. He had been my support all along, enabling me come into my own as an individual. Unfortunately, this resulted in him living under my shadow. He was living vicariously through my achievements, my pursuits. He changed himself because I wanted him to do so. He bended over backwards just to make me happy. The problem was he had not found his inner self and it certainly did not help that I was unknowingly imposing myself on him.

We spent a lot of effort trying to arrive at a common point, but each time it was always a forced solution that did not address any of the fundamental issues. The same problems just kept cropping up over and over again, and we were going around in circles with our discussions. Our conversations turned into consciousness-lowering affairs rather than forwarding discussions.

Our friendship may have started off on a strong note 10 years ago, but it had evolved over the years to become one which was holding us back. It was obvious that this friendship was no longer helping us to move forward in our lives.

Deciding To End the Friendship

In March 2009 which was last year, I received a sudden flash of realization. I realized it was time to let go of the friendship.

While I felt poignant about this decision, I knew, deep down in my heart, this was necessary. It was for the better. Looking back, it was clear we had entered each other’s lives 10 years ago for a reason and this reason had been fulfilled. For me, I had grown and evolved to be a much better and stronger individual with his support. For him, he finally embarked on living a life of purpose and growth after coasting through over 30 years of his life. It was evident that it was time for us to move on and start embracing the next phase of our life.

When I shared this with him, he was extremely upset. He didn’t agree with me and violently objected to the whole notion altogether. It was over the course of the next few months that he finally came to accept what I meant. After a few chats, we finally parted ways in Oct 2009, removing each other from all our communications. If you had read my 2009 reflections post, the person I referred to in event #13 is K.

As we parted ways, we didn’t rule out the possibility of crossing paths in the future. If fate has it that we are to meet again, then we will do so in the future. But until that happens, we will walk our separate paths, fervently pursue our personal growth and live our lives to the fullest.

Recognizing We Are Connected, With or Without A Friendship

Some may feel the notion of ending a friendship is incredulous, but that really stems from their worldview of relationships. The reason why I am able to readily let the friendship go is because I see the world as one. One whole. In our physical world, we have labels such as “friends”, “BFF”, “girlfriend / boyfriend”, “wife / husband”, etc to physically define connections with one another. Yet, we are already connected with one another without these labels. Such social labels serve to give some form of definition of how we stand in accordance to who we are, but ultimately they undermine the timeless and eternal connection each of us have with one another. This connection is something that’s inherent by virtue of our existence. It expands beyond time and space and transcends social labels, social filters and people’s affirmations.

Thus, the first question you should ask yourself about troubled friendships isn’t what you should do to maintain a friendship. Rather, you should ask yourself whether this friendship is one which will truly help both you and your friend progress in both your life’s journey. If it is, then you can then think about the necessary steps to maintain the relationship. If it isn’t, then there’s no point in continuing the friendship at all. Only by letting go disempowering friendships, can you make room for new, empowering friendships to enter into your life.

How To Know When To Let A Friendship Go

© Athena’s Pix

Obviously, no one goes into a friendship with the intention of ending it. However, I have learned from this incident that there are times when ending a friendship is very well the best way forward, assuming that everything has already been done to work out the issues.

While the below are written in the context of friendships, they apply to all relationships as well.

1) When the friendship is causing you more anguish than joy

Do you have any friendships which seem to be causing more unhappiness than happiness? We form friendships with others to support each other to become better persons. When the friendship you are in is causing you more anguish than joy, it defeats the purpose why you are even in the friendship to begin with. Unfortunately, most people stay on in negative relationships, causing themselves lots of unhappiness in the process. If you have friendships which are causing you more pain than joy, it might be time to evaluate whether it’s worth it to hold on to them.

2) When he/she is putting in little to no effort in the relationship.

This wasn’t applicable for my situation, but there are times when dynamics of the friendship is lopsided. Say, when one person is putting in more effort than the other person. Such a situation tells you a lot about how much (or little) the friendship means to him/her. As the saying goes – It takes two hands to clap. Without the other person giving the friendship the same attention and priority to this as you are, things can never work out. Sooner than later, you’ll find yourself bending over backwards to keep this friendship afloat. In this case, the best form of respect you can give to yourself is to let the friendship go. If the other person doesn’t value this in the same way, it is pointless to continue on.

3) When the same situation/issue keeps recurring even though you tried addressing it

Where there are obstacles in the friendship, you should first try to sort out these issues with your friend. However, there may come a time when issues remain unresolved despite that. Maybe the friend doesn’t care enough about the friendship (factor #2 above). Maybe both of you are not willing to compromise. Maybe the differences are too huge to be worked out.

Whatever the reasons are, there comes a point where you have to acknowledge that these issues might very well be irreconcilable. You can continue to try to resolve them, but if they could be resolved, they would have been addressed right at the on-start. While you can pour your heart and soul into making things work out, in the long run you become a slave to the relationship.

4) When your fundamental values and beliefs are different

For any friendship or relationship to work out, there has to be certain similarity in fundamental values. Similarity in these values are the big rocks which will hold the friendship in place. Even if other things are dissimilar, the big rocks will enable the friendship to weather through even the toughest storms ahead.

On the other hand, if the core values are fundamentally different, it doesn’t matter even if everything else is same. The journey to keep the relationship together will only become an uphill battle. It’s just like trying to hold the soil of the ground together in a heavy rain. Without the roots of the tree to hold this soil together, everything will  just slip away against your best efforts.

For me and K, our friendship started off where we were similar in our consciousness. As I grew through the years, our fundamental philosophies no longer fit. From there, it was either we compromise on our personal growth, or we part ways to embrace our real life paths. We went for the latter.

I believe the most important thing in life is to first be true to ourselves. While conformance has its merits, it should never be done at the expense of our own growth or our values. Compromising on your personal values just to keep a friendship afloat will ultimately only make you miserable. What’s worse, because your true self is repressed, you start to wrap your identity around the friendship. This was what happened to K, which was why we had to let go of the relationship partly so he could grow into his own. You need to first be true to who you are before any meaningful relationship can be formed.

5) When the friendship is preventing either of you from growing as individuals

A friendship is ultimately a third entity formed due to two individuals. Every friendship evolves based on how both parties are growing. Sometimes both parties grow at the same pace. There are times where the friendship is one of stagnancy, where both parties don’t grow. Then there are times when one outgrows the other, by a large margin.

When this happens, you have two options (i) change the dynamics of the friendship to fit this new development, or change yourself  to maintain the same dynamics. As I shared in Factor #4, it’s most important to first be true to ourselves. Determine who you are and who you want to be, then decide if this friendship is one that is compatible with you. A friendship that hinders you from growing into your own isn’t the best one for you. On top of that, if you are not able to grow into your own, chances are your friend is facing a similar blockage as well. A real friendship should be one that enables you in your personal life journey, so you can then enable your friend and others in their life journeys as well.

Moving Forward

As all of us evolve in our own personal journeys, we will cross paths with many different people. Some will be just a brief encounter. Some will stay for a while, then leave when the intent of the encounter is served. Some will stay for an extended period of time.

Remember that physical friendships may be temporary, but the connection we have towards one another is eternal. Because of that, always ensure the friendships you are in are the ones which are enabling you in your life path. If the friendship is not enabling either party, the best way forward is to let it go.

Perhaps one day, when you guys are at a different, better place in life, you might just cross paths again. This time, both of you will be able to connect with each other on a whole different capacity altogether, leading to a different level of connection altogether.

Check out the other articles in People & Relationship series:

• You are the Average of the 5 People You Spend the Most Time With
• It’s Perfectly Okay To Be Single
• How I Moved On From A Heartbreak (5-part series)
• 10 Tips To Make New Friends

Articles in Dealing with People series:

• How To Deal With Energy Vampires
• 7 Tips To Tackle Naysayers in Your Life
• 8 Helpful Ways To Deal With Critical People
• How To Deal With Dishonest People
• How To Deal With Rude People (3-part series)

Related Posts

• How To Have More Best Friends in Life: The Heartfelt Guide
• [Pic] How To Create More Meaningful Relationships, Manifesto Version
• 10 Steps To Move On From A Relationship
• Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship