How I Found My Soulmate, Part 5: How Ken Realized I Am The One for Him (and Your Other Questions for Him, Answered!)

This is part five of my love series where I share my love journey, how I met my soulmate (Ken Soh), and how to attract authentic love into your life. If you haven’t, read Part 1: My Journey in LovePart 2: Appearance of Ken Soh (Someone I Knew Before)Part 3: Addressing My Inner Demons and Part 4: How I Realized Ken is The One for Me Forever first.

A romantic night out

A romantic night out, just Ken and I (Photo from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot)

Thank you for all your wonderful comments for the first four parts of the series. :) It has been my honor and joy to share my love story and I hope it has (a) inspired you to believe that true love as we have always imagined does, in fact, exist and (b) helped you to gain insights on how you can “find” your special someone (whereby the “finding” is figurative, not literal).

By know, all of you know my love story with Ken. However, our story has been told from my perspective. Some of you have been interested to hear Ken’s side of the story, from what triggered him to reconnect with me after nine years, to how he figured out that I’m his one, to his inspiration behind his romantic proposal, to his take on the speed of development of our relationship.

That’s why I’ve invited Ken to participate in part five of the series, so he can say his piece. :D In today’s post, Ken will take the stage as he answers your questions. And boy are there many questions: this interview turned out to be nearly 4,000 words long!! As you read this Q&A, it is my wish that you will gain insights for yourself and use our experience to further your love journey.

I will now pass the stage to Ken. :) Take it away, Gougou! ♥ =^..^=

How old are you? (From: Alyssa)

32. (And hello to Alyssa and all PE readers! ^^)

What do you do?

I’m a software consultant in Hewlett Packard and have been in the IT line for the past seven years. I remember when I was a kid, I used to code computer games for my friends to play. So at that time, I already knew I was going to enter an IT-related career when I grow up, which was what I did.

What inspired you to contact Celes back when she was in South Africa? (From Glenn, Alyssa, Cassie)

I remember it was 4+am that night. I had just finished a work meeting and was sitting on my office chair. Then all of a sudden, I had this thought to organize my contact list.

As I was doing that, I saw Celes’ name near the top of the list. I thought I’d drop a message to say hi since we had not talked for years. I remember Celes was doing her personal development business, and I remember she has a Facebook page (I don’t remember how I knew this).

So I checked out her page and saw that she was in South Africa. I saw her latest update then: of the dinner she just had at home, made by her housemate.

Celes' Facebook update of her dinner in South Africa (Pap and Rape vegetable)

(Celes: My facebook timeline that fateful night)

Then I googled how to say “hi” in South Afrikaan, and I realized there are so many ways to say hi because there are so many Afrikaan languages, LOL! I selected the most popular one of the list, and then used it to initiate the conversation. Also knowing that it was 10+pm at her side then because I checked the time zone differences before messaging her.

The interesting thing is that I rarely organize my contact list and I totally had no idea that a seemingly simple message like this on Whatsapp can open up a conversation over half an hour long and subsequently an amazing relationship that is going to last a lifetime. Celes was the first and last person I contacted that night; I immediately went to bed after she turned in.

Were you just reconnecting with her as a friend or did you already have the intention to woo her? (From: Alyssa)

As a friend. At that time I had already been single for a while (one and a-half years) after nine years of back-to-back relationships and I was happy as a single. I was very happy with the status quo in my life and I had no intention to woo girls, get to know girls, or get into a relationship at all.

What was going on in your life then (other than sorting out your contacts? :) (From: Vishnu)

Work and more work. Lots of partying: clubbing three times a week. I clubbed to meet my friends and for the music, atmosphere, dancing, and drinks. As I was already happy as a single, I wasn’t going there to pick up girls, though I did make new friends through clubbing.

What did you think about Celes in the previous times you met? Why didn’t you get in touch with her back then but only recently? (From: JadePenguin)

When I first met her in university, I thought she was a creative person because she is very good at design.

NUSSU Bizcom Bash 2004 Website

(Celes: I designed a website for the BizCom committee during my brief stint there; this was the site I did for them.)

We just spoke a few sentences then as a functional chairperson-to-committee-member relationship, so there was really no reason to be in touch.

When I met her again four and a-half years later, I thought she was living her passion by starting her own business. I knew this because she passed me her name card in that brief encounter. Since we did not keep in touch the first time, there was really no reason to stay in touch.

Also, I generally do not keep in touch with girls. I had been in relationships since university till two years ago, with little gaps between each relationship, so I have never had a reason to know new girls.

It so happened that I saw her name when going through my contacts list that night that I thought to say “hi” after so long. 

Celes mentioned how events in her life predicted your advent (like you guys meeting every four and a-half years and her tarot card reading in Spain). Any signs in your life suggesting her arrival? (From: Muna)

None that I’m aware of. It totally caught me by surprise.

Though about a month before meeting Celes (Celes: That was Februray; it was the exact same period when I realized that I was done “finding someone” for the sake of doing so) and after one and a-half years of staying single, I just had a feeling: I am ready to meet the girl of my life.

How did you feel about the “interrogation” rounds? (From: Celes — Interrogation about the interrogation. LOL!)

I found them quite amusing, partly because no one has ever done that to me before.

More importantly, with each question Celes asked, I secretly felt that she was caring more about me and the relationship which I could see us entering into. (Celes: While some guys might see such questions as “attacking” and “intrusive” and hence erect defences, Ken perceived them as showing care and interest, which was really what they were actually. It speaks volumes about his level of consciousness and self-assurance.)

So I took on those interrogative questions without reservation and shared my answers openly. So much so that although I was aware that some of my answers might push her away than pull her closer to me, I just answered honestly. I thought, If Celes is going to be the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life together, there should be no hiding or dodgy answers, but complete openness.

Ken and I having dinner at an Edinburgh restaurant

Having dinner at a restaurant in Edinburgh

When/How did you realize Celes is The One for you? (From: Muna, Cassie)

Right from the start, from our first Whatsapp conversation, our connection just felt special. Even though I’ve known so many girls and been in so many relationships, I’ve never felt this way — not even close. I simply looked forward to chatting with her every day even though at that point she was someone whom I had not seen for almost five years and barely even talked to before.

Forming the heart shape with my hands

And then, within a short span of two weeks of chatting, the feeling got so strong that I knew she is the one even though she was still in South Africa and we had not met up yet after all this while. And this awareness intensified after we met up.

Initially I thought my positive feelings were only one-sided because… how can I ever be sure of how someone else is feeling?

Ken not knowing the special place of our chats in my heart :)

Celes: April 15 (2013), one of our chat snippets while I was still in South Africa. Ken still didn’t know the special place of our chats in my heart. :)

But then later on I found that Celes was also feeling positive about this connection at the point we got together (Celes: on May 5, 2013).

Then that point onwards, I knew there was no turning back: I was falling in love like I have never before in my life. While I thought I had fallen in love before (in past relationships), being with Celes made me realize that what I thought was “falling in love” in the past was not really “falling in love” – this is.

A romantic night out

What inspired the romantic proposal? Did you ever imagine you would have such a romantic proposal or was it inspired solely by Celes? :) (From: Vishnu)

(At the point I decided she is the one I want to marry,) I had totally no idea how the proposal was going to be like. In fact I had never thought about marriage or marrying anyone until I met her.

All I knew was, three days after we got together (Celes: this was right after our eight-and-a-half-hour phone call), this is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life and the girl I want to propose to a month later.

Ken and I walking along Singapore River in Clarke Quay

The day of our proposal, along Singapore River

The other thing I was sure of was that I wanted to do the proposal in a way that would give Celes a memorable experience. I didn’t really think about making the proposal romantic, but simply to make it an experience that she would thoroughly enjoy and remember for the rest of her life.

At the start, I asked my friends — quite a number of them — for proposal ideas. I realized many ideas did not fit our relationship. The conclusion was that my proposal has to come from our relationship rather than from outside parties for it to be meaningful.

It turned out that the answers to what I was looking for were already given to me by Celes in our daily interactions. 

Not in the sense that Celes was actively giving me clues on how she wanted the proposal to be (she was totally not thinking about the proposal at all and in fact kept ignoring my attempts to talk about it), but that I was actively listening to every little thing she said/did and designing the proposal based on that.

Things like the one time she woke up from a nap and told me about her dream with balloons flying into the sky, to her telling me that she would like to have a beach wedding one day (which was why I originally wanted to propose at my company’s family day event at Sentosa beach). (Celes: By the way, things have changed and I/we no longer want a beach wedding; we are now opting for a nice and cosy indoor affair. :) )

I also looked at the little details of our relationship and incorporated them into the proposal. For example, her first Whatsapp flower icon to me was the tulip, so I bought tulips for the proposal.

My first virtual flower to Ken: the tulip

(Celes: My first virtual flower to Ken: the tulip. :) I was still in South Africa then; it was 10:56pm in S.A. and 4:56am in Singapore.)

Bouquet of Tulips

(Celes: Ken’s bouquet of tulips for me on the big day. Five white ones representing innocence; five purple ones representing elegance. There were ten tulips in all, representing perfection.)

Her first gift to me as a friend was the Royce chocolates, so I hid the ring box inside a Royce chocolates box.

I then set off to order 555 heart-shape balloons (I actually bought 570 in case some flew away, LOL). I chose the heart shape because it’s a recurring theme in our relationship: from our communications, to our hand gestures, to the food we eat.

On the actual day, I got three friends to help me set up the proposal site. I got two other friends to take videos of the process because I noticed that Celes likes to record little things in her life (e.g., her blog entries, occurrences in our relationship) and I thought recording this would be a nice gift for her, on top of the ring and the proposal.

I’ve to say that planning for the proposal was really not easy, because at that point we were already living together and by each other’s side almost all the time: be it working, eating, and so on. (Celes: Both of us work from home; Ken with his overseas team and me with my blog and business.) So I was constantly looking out for brief moments when we were not together to communicate with my friends and prepare for the proposal.

The fact that there was a haze in Singapore at that time and it cancelled my original beach proposal plans didn’t help. I ended up only having four days (from Celes’ birthday) to regroup and set up a new proposal plan, which was to now to take her for a dinner and night out at Clarke Quay at her favorite restaurant, followed by a proposal by Singapore River.

It turned out to be the best arrangement in the end, because Celes really loved it: she said more so than if I had gone ahead with the beach idea.

Watching the balloons fly away as we hugged

Watching the 555 balloons fly into the sky

Ken and I hugging after I agreed to his proposal

Hugging after saying “Yes”

And the joy she showed on her face during the proposal in the end? It was more than well-worth the effort put in. :)

(Celes: A lowdown of the day Ken proposed to me, complete with video footage: The Day I Was Proposed To (Thank You Ken Soh :) ))

Have you ever considered that both of you might just be going through a honeymoon period now, and all this will fade away eventually? (From: Sharon)

Absolutely not. I’ve been into too many relationships to know the difference between honeymoon-period feelings and real emotions. This relationship is out of this world, and I know it.

Having tasted how life is like with Celes, I cannot imagine life without her one day. It’ll be as if an originally able-sighted person loses the ability to see color and suddenly sees the world in black and white. And this feeling is not easy to communicate because I did not know about its existence before I met Celes (Celes: this is the same for me as well).

It’s only by being with her that I realized that, wow, such a powerful and all-encompassing relationship can exist. To be with anyone else would be settling for less. She’s all that I can ask for. She is all that I can ever want.

The ring

Besides, choosing a life partner to me is a decision that will last for life. I decided that Celes is my life partner not from some in-the-moment emotion, but from a thorough, definite knowingness that she is the one I want to be with forever, to take care of, and to be faithful to for the rest of my life: no “ifs” nor “buts”. This certainty I have with her is something which I’ve never felt before with any other girl.

Any part of you that thought you were moving fast (with moving in together / proposing) or did it all feel exactly right? Also, did your previous relationships move fast by society’s / friends’ standards? (From: Cassie)

I was aware that things were moving very fast. But not because we were rushing into things: it was simply because everything just felt right. The level of compatibility that I feel with Celes is nothing that I’ve experienced before: it’s as if I’ve known her for a long, long time even though the absolute time we’ve been together was (Celes: and still is) so short.

Being with her, I knew then that I’ve met the girl of my life. Proposing to her is simply my way of showing my conviction to and my love for her. I’ve always felt that proposing is the ultimate declaration of love any guy can give to a girl.

On past relationships, no. I was previously in many relationships — all several years long — but we did not stay together, I did not propose, nor did we plan for marriage.

(Celes: Why?

Ken: Because I was waiting for you to appear.

Celes: <.<;;; ♥ )

As you know, Celes is a public figure, with tons of people reading her blog. She frequently appears in the media, even Singapore television. Your love story with her is now on her blog, available for everyone to read.

How do you feel about having your life-related matters being put out there and publicly read by others? Are you a public figure yourself? (From: PC, Cassie)

I’m perfectly comfortable that Celes is sharing details of our relationship to the public. I really like the work that she is doing and sharing our story is yet another way for her to share her life experience with others. By including all the little details, her readers will be able to relate to our story better, which will hopefully benefit them further.

On public figure: No, I’m not one. Personally I’m very comfortable being put out there in the public but my personal preference is to stay away from the limelight. I’m perfectly cool that Celes is a public figure herself.

(Celes: :) ♥ )

Are there ever moments when you get sick of each other? (From Cassie, Moonsparkle)

Nope. But there have been moments when we fell sick and took care of each other. :) (Celes: LOL!!!)

Hugging in the park

Celes repeatedly speaks of you as having a high emotional quotient. How did you develop that?

If I didn’t have a high emotional quotient, Celes would probably not be sitting beside me now. Haha.

Jokes aside, I’m someone who usually doesn’t talk more than what’s necessary. So I channel my attention to picking up on tiny verbal and non-verbal cues of people and things around me. Hence I have, over time, learned to spot very minute differences and subtle changes in people’s feelings and thoughts which can be a good or bad thing.

It’s good because I’m able to see much more than I used to see. But it’s bad because I’m bombarded with information overload all the time. On the whole though, I find this more good than bad because I can easily ignore the information overload but if I can’t see the little details in the first place, I won’t even have the chance to process them.

I’m always interested in group dynamics and by paying attention to little nuances in the group as a whole, my attention to details is simply amplified many times over when I’m interacting one-on-one with someone like I always do with Celes.

Celes has mentioned all the great things you do for her. Did you care for your past girlfriends the way you care for Celes? What is your inspiration behind this greatness? :) (From: Love from INFJ)

I feel bad about saying this, but no, I didn’t care for them the way I care for Celes. It’s not that I didn’t care for them; it’s just the way I care for Celes is on a totally different level.

Why? It’s nothing to do with them; it’s just that Celes is my soulmate and I’ve finally found her. I want to take care of her in all aspects, of all her needs.

Ken fixing my flower hair clip

On my inspiration: Firstly, Celes is all that matters to me, so I want nothing but the best for her. Secondly, when our two souls finally reconnected in May, there was an explosion of emotions that made me want to care for her more than I care for myself. So in short, Celes is my inspiration behind my care for her.

How about Celes? Does Celes take care of you? How does she take care of you? (From: Love from INFJ)

Yes she does, in all ways that I’ve never thought possible and expected.

When I’m really held up with work, she wakes up early in the morning to get groceries and make lunch for me.

When she found out that I love mooncakes, she surprised me while I was working with a delicious snow-skin strawberry-flavored mooncake (and I love the strawberry flavor).

Strawberry snow-skin mooncake

Celes: The strawberry-flavored snow-skin mooncake I got for Ken during mid-autumn festival :) (along with a Japanese noodle soup)

When she noticed that my skincare products were running out a few months ago, she brought me to a men’s cosmetic counter and bought premium men’s skincare for me simply because she wants the best for me.

Because I was losing hair not too long ago, she began to wash my hair daily (even today) as she wants to make sure my scalp is cleaned thoroughly. (The condition has visibly improved since then.)

She has helped me to successfully quit smoking in just one week by unpeeling the layers in my subconsciousness to find out the root cause behind my smoking. Previously, I had smoked for many years and tried many times to stop, without success.

All these really form the tip of the ice berg. There is so much more that she has done that if I continue elaborating, I don’t know if this interview will ever stop.

How is your relationship with Celes different from your past relationships?

I haven’t thought of this question before because I see my relationship with Celes as one that’s on a totally different level with new experiences and possibilities together.

If I were to really think back, I just have to say that whatever is happening now between us transcends beyond what I’ve ever experienced before in my past relationships — in all aspects. At the point when I was in my past relationships, it was not easy to see that a connection this deep, this powerful — basically what I have with Celes today — was even possible.

There is this certainty that, this is it, and we’re going to be together with each other all the way till the end of time.

Side by side, together forever

Us at Loch Lomond :)

Has your life changed since being in this relationship? If so, how?

Wow, yes — in many ways. I stopped smoking, I drink much lesser now, I look younger, I take care of myself even more now so that I can take care of Celes, I lost some excess weight due to healthier eating, there is an emotional and spiritual fulfillment in me every day that I had never felt before, and people around me are all very happy that I’ve found the one for me and am finally settling down. (Celes: Ken had previously never thought about marriage or settling down before.)

What is the best thing you see in Celes? (From: Muna)

Her kind heart. The heart is the thing that I was looking for in a girl, and when I met Celes, her kind heart stood out especially: not just in the way she interacts with others, from the work that she does, but also from the way she treats living things in her environment.

Though what initially pulled me towards Celes was her inner beauty, I later realized that, wow, she’s very beautiful on the outside as much as she’s beautiful in her inner soul. Not only that, she’s also the smartest woman I’ve ever met, very driven and very passionate about everything she does.

I always tell her that she’s my 完美女人 (which means “perfect woman” in Chinese) because she’s perfect in every aspect to me. There’s no one else that I’d want to be with but her for the rest of my life.

Any final words to those reading this?

I’m happy to have this Q&A session with all of you and have the chance to share my side of the story. I look forward to everyone growing together and reaching greater heights in their personal growth journey.

And… to Celes: Maomao, I love you! Thank you for coming into my life… ♥

A gentle hug

/ end of Ken’s Q&A

My Thoughts…

I hope you have found this Q&A helpful. :D

To be honest I already knew Ken’s answers to all the questions the second I saw them, so none of his responses came as a surprise to me.

That’s because Ken and I spend a LOT of time communicating in our relationship. In the early weeks of our relationship, we spent so much time talking (on deep inner-core topics too, not just frivolous chat) that we developed a steep understanding for each other in weeks which many couples don’t have even after years of being together.

Within weeks together as a couple, we already felt like we are two parts of the same unit, just placed in different bodies. Like I mentioned in part four, today, we feel like we are one entity sailing through life together every day even though we are technically two individuals: i.e., twin souls in the universe. 

I’m very blessed to have found Ken and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I hope you guys have a better insight to his character and our love story after reading this interview. :D

This is not the last you’ll hear of him I’m sure; I’m sure he’ll pop back in every here and there, be it in my blog post examples or to share advice on a personal growth topic (e.g., how he quit smoking). He’s here to stay and I hope you guys will embrace him with open arms like I have. :)

Next Up… 

If you have anymore questions for Ken (or even myself), post them in the comments section (maximum one to two questions per person — no questions overload please!) and Ken and I will get to them in time. Thanks so much for your support! ;)

Some of the photos you’ve been seeing of us throughout the series are actually from our engagement shoot in Scotland. Check out our full set of photos here:

Proceed to the next part of this series on how to attract love into your life: Your Guide to Love: 10 Steps to Attract Authentic Love into Your Life.

This is part five of my love series where I share my love journey, how I met my soulmate (Ken Soh), and how to attract authentic love into your life.

Images: Selected shots of Ken and I  from our Glasgow Engagement Shoot; Other shots by us

  • Cherene Leong

    Truly a match made in heaven!

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you Cherene! :)

  • http://www.starsparklex.blogspot.co.uk/ Moonsparkle

    Hi Ken! Thanks for answering reader questions. It was good to hear your side of the story. :) I like how you planned the proposal carefully and thought about what Celes would like. Good luck to you and Celes. :)

    Looking forward to the finale post!

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      You definitely should Moonsparkle!! :) (Not including the fact that there’s “moon” in your alias too! :D ) It’s a traditional Chinese delicacy. The Chinese eats it during the mid-autumn festival.

  • Susan

    Do you plan to get your own home together without either of your parents living there? In your culture, do grown children live with their parents until the parents die, or do they tend to move out when they get married?

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hi Susan, to your first question: that’s for sure! We want to get our own home at one point, just that there isn’t really a push factor to do this at the moment. Ken’s mom is a housewife and is home alone most of the time while Ken’s dad works in the day, so I see value in living with his parents for now before we get our own place six months to a year from now, until we get married.

      After all, we (Ken and I) have the rest of our lives to be together in our own cosy little home while we will not be living with either of our set of parents for long, so I want to appreciate these days while they last.

      On your second question, grown children live with their parents till they get married in Chinese culture. Some even stay with their parents/in-laws after they get married, hence forming a two-generation household (or even three when they have kids). Some do this out of filial piety, while some do it because of financial factors. (Housing costs an insane sum in Singapore.)

  • Sharon

    To see this side of the story makes me feel so so happy for Celes. I feel particularly protective of her and thus my question, because she has touched my life and I really wanted to see things work out for her as she has such a kind soul. Thanks Ken, for answering these questions, and for taking care of Celes. I’m happy to know that she’s in good hands now. :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hi Sharon, thank you so much for your kind words! :) I feel like all of you are like my big mommas out there looking out for me and taking care of me in an invisible way! ;) *feels loved*

  • Coco Yen

    I wish I could find my soulmate one day. ♥ Congratulations on your wedding. ♥

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Aw thank you so much Coco! :) I wish you all the best in your love journey! Remember it’s about living your path first and foremost, after which you will be in the best position to meet your match in life!

  • Paru Parvathi

    Wow… Ken is a great human being. He deserves you… :) I really loved the tulips concept… :) You are born for each other.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you very much Paru! :)

  • Farnam

    Thank you Celes and Ken.
    Celes you do touch my heart and life and inspire me with every word you write here.
    I wish you the best always and everywhere, just as a “thank you” for every life you have changed/are changing.
    P.S.::Your love story makes me hopeful that there are “good boys” out there. Thank you again.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hi Farnam, there are definitely still good men out there. :) Sometimes, the supposed “bad” men or “jerks” could well be just good men in the making. After all, it takes negative experiences to turn a person into a better one. :) Always bear that in mind as you journey on in life!

  • Iris

    Glad to have read how your love story that blossomed to what you have now. One thing that struck me was when you said you spent a lot of time communicating and talking about deep inner core topics…I have a schoolmate who I never really talked with and seen since high school. I never expected we’d get closer and know more about each through chat and text. What struck me on your blog was, like you, our topic was about inner self which he initiated later on. His outlook in life draw me more and more on knowing him and knowing myself as well. That’s when I encountered your page and got to read topics that help me understand what he was telling me and wanting me to realize. He wasn’t the type of guy I like physically but I was so attracted to his mind and heart. We are on our late 30′s and we both had a long term relationship in the past. We both had the same experience, third party issue. We have a lot in common about views on life and relationship. I came into a point that I felt that he is the one I’m looking for. From the time we started communicating, that was more than a year before we finally met. We only had a month to see each other because he works abroad. Even if we are miles away from each other, the hopes of being together one day is all in God’s hands. If we are meant to be it will happened. For now, what’s worth having is worth waiting for. Thank you for sharing your life experiences with us. Looking forward to your 6th article.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Iris, thanks so much for sharing your story. I do hope that it works out with this guy in the end: he sounds like a catch with his conscious outlook on life and a good heart. *hugs*

      • Iris

        Thanks! It feels like he’s the one I’m praying for. ;)

  • http://www.vishnusvirtues.com/ Vishnu

    Thanks for all your answers Ken! Takes a lot of courage to answer all of these questions and to be so public about them. I’m also impressed you could put together such a romantic and elaborate engagement proposal in 3 days!

    Congrats to both of you and are we going to see a movie version of this love story:) ?

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hehe, don’t think that’s ever going to happen since it’s not like either of us are celebrities, but I think I’m going to create a video clip summarizing our journey in love for our wedding day next year. :) I’ll likely share it on PE with all the readers after our wedding so everyone can get in on the action even if they are not attending (or not able to attend). :)

  • Qin Tang

    Great job Ken with your writing and sharing your story. You are truly made for each other. I think you are soulmates in life, and you can also be great partners in business together.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hey Qin Tang, funny that you mentioned that! :) Because I was just telling Ken the other day about the benefits of having a manager esp. for speakers/bloggers which helps better manage their career, and he said he can be my manager if I want.

      In the early days after we got together, I also mentioned we can open up our relationship to the business domain some day down the road when we are ready to start something new (business-related) together.

      In the past I would have felt iffy about mixing romance/friendships with business, but with my relationship with Ken, it’s so strong and he’s like another me that the idea doesn’t faze me at all like it would if it was any other person.

  • Charamine

    Hi Celestine
    I’m so happy that you found true soulmate. From reading Ken’s comments regarding Celestine. I have to agree with all of that. She is always so positive and can see things in a smart way. My question for Celestine is do you ever get angry? Thank you for sharing your stories. It’s very inspiring. I’m hoping to become a better person and meet a perfect soulmate as well.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hi Charmaine, thank you for your kind words! :) I assume you are asking if I ever get angry in the relationship (vs. generally getting angry in life)?

      Regardless, if it’s the latter, definitely yes, but I’ve since processed a lot of my anger issues from young and don’t react to situations as frequently or with as much anger today, because I’ve realized that the only person I burn when I’m angry is myself. I wrote about this in my anger series in 2012: http://personalexcellence.co/blog/anger/

      If it’s the former, it’s still a yes in that I do get angry in the relationship (very rare but it happens, especially my hot buttons get pushed). Usually it’s a result of my own issues than anything to do with Ken though, and I’m lucky to have a partner as kind and magnanimous as him because he’ll always be with me every step of the way to work through conflicts until they are totally resolved. (Never good to let conflicts sit unresolved since they will affect the relationship negatively whether we realize or not.)

  • cassie

    Thank you guys for taking the time to put this together and answer our questions. I think the thing I took away most from this is that the way you know that someone is “for you” is that it just *feels* right without a doubt (after giving it a reasonable amount of time & communication to develop this feeling). If you have doubts after a couple of months of getting to know each other deeply, it’s probably not “it”.

    You both seem like such wonderful people! I wish you both all the happiness in the world for your future together! I’m sure your story will be an inspiration for a lot of us readers :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hey cassie, you are spot on in that the one “for you” really boils down to how you feel at the end of the day. May sound very airy-fairy, but it’s hard to make it tangible in any other manner.

      There are definitely times when we think that someone is the one but end up being wrong (especially in our initial love encounters); if so it’s about learning from that experience, improving on our intuitive sensing, and then continuing to put ourselves out there. There will be a point when we know, beyond any reason of doubt and after countless negative experiences in love, that *yes*, this is the one for me. :)

  • paupau

    I’ve enjoyed this series and want to say thank you for sharing with us. I do have (what I hope is a) constructive point to make:

    Sometimes it feels like your stories about your life portray yourself / your life as perfect and as if you are saying “this is the ideal situation that I have which is what everyone should aim for”. In doing this, it feels like you hold back some of the real, non-perfect parts. I think this may be why someone in the comments asked if you ever get angry, or why someone else previously asked if you get sick of one another: it may be because your articles almost always end on a note like: “and although I may have struggled a little to get here, I have learned from it all, solved this now and it’s not a problem anymore. Solved!” – This kind of portrayal at times can feel unbalanced: too perfect, because life is dynamic and things change; bad habits that you thought you kicked can come back, old issues DO rear their heads again, and life is usually not a check list of things to solve once and then that’s it, you’re done forever with that issue. Are such goals for a “perfect job that’s always going to feel good” or “a perfect relationship that is always going to only feel happy and amazing” realistic?

    I don’t mean to cause offence or upset, and honestly Celestine, I really do love your articles and I love your positivity and would very much like to continue seeing this positivity because it is uplifting and beautiful; at the same time, I’d also like to see that you are human and that in a real world, even the best relationships / situations are not entirely perfect all the time, and it’s ok and normal to experience this, accepting where you are with all its imperfections, whilst always striving for improvement.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Hey paupau, thanks for your comment! I appreciate it.

      To be honest, I don’t think I deliberately try to hold back on writing “non-perfect” parts in my life. If so, I wouldn’t be writing articles talking openly about my own issues with body image, femininity, beauty, singlehood, among an array of other things which people would never ever want to speak of with anyone, much less in an open blog. Some of the things I faced before like body image issues and femininity issues, they can be quite embarrassing: I actually found them quite shameful before and would have never told them to anyone in my earlier adult years, pre-self-help (for myself). I write about these issues because they were the very problems I experienced before and I want people to know my life as it is, in a raw and authentic fashion.

      Perhaps you may feel that my articles seem to portray my life as “perfect” because my articles tend to present situations in a way of “having X obstacles, found the solution, and problem solved”. But the latter is simply my style in writing though; it’s nothing to do with trying to portray life in a certain fashion.

      To clarify, the reason why I write my articles in such a issue-solution-final thoughts manner is because I prefer to write about something when I have wholly covered the domain of that topic (in my personal life) and have a proper guide to help others arrive to this same place (based on my personal experience). It’s just my approach and choice in running PE. Before getting to that point is about ten million random thoughts spewing in all directions; there is really no value in merit in sharing any of it because it will only add clutter in a world which is already filled with clutter.

      Given that my vision for PE is to be a guide and solution-center through life’s different problems, this writing approach is just the style I’ve selected. It’s also particularly important to me that I do so as many read the blog to look for solutions to similar issues, and I don’t want them to read half-thoughts / half-solutions to issues I’m facing.

      Sometimes I may be testing solution X or Y in my life to problem A, and it may well turn out that X or Y aren’t the solutions — Z is. Hence, I stay away from writing about anything until I’ve fully arrived at the solution point (for myself), because to do so would be to misguide others into places I don’t want them to go. I rather be the guinea pig who tests and then tells people my findings and final conclusion rather than lead people in wrong directions with unfinal thinking on a topic. I also don’t see the value in writing ten different articles repeating about the same problem/issue; having an ultimate guide with my final thoughts/revelations is more beneficial from a reader/user standpoint (at least I appreciate blogs that do this, and hence I prefer doing so).

      If on any day, a topic that I’ve addressed before recurs, then I’ll always be happy to address it, with renewed insights on that topic while reconciling that with the original pieces I wrote. This weight loss piece is one of them. Otherwise, I wouldn’t bring back or re-mention a topic or issue since there’s no real merit in doing so. (If it’s not in my life anymore, then I’m not going to talk about it for the sake of doing so.)

      I hope that addresses your point!

      I would also like, in my own defence, differ that I’ve ever written pieces portraying myself as “struggling a little” to overcome any of my past issues, because some of the things I’ve openly shared before are of very deep problems I went through and overcame after a lot of personal development inner work. Issues with my femininity, body image, my past inferiority of my looks, etc. — these are very deep problems I experienced for over two decades of my life and I don’t believe I’ve ever tried to underportray the pain or struggles I underwent before I was able to break past them.

      Perhaps one might get the idea because I tend to spend about 30% of every article/series on issue identification/sharing, 30% on the process of arriving on the revelation, and about 40% on final solution points and “how tos” to arrive to the same place. But that’s again linked to intending for PE to be a final solution center. Having a 90%-10% problem-solution split or even 50%-50% problem-solution split would give too much weight to issues/problems which is not how I want readers/audience to think/approach the things in their life. I want everyone to spend more time thinking and working on solutions, addressing underlying root issues, and breaking them, such that they’ll never have to address recurring problems again (and it is possible; I share myself as a living example) and live the life they’ve always been meant to live.

      Thanks for your support paupau! :D I appreciate your kind words and I hope you’ll continue to benefit and be inspired by the material at the blog.

      • paupau

        Thank you for taking the time to answer Celestine.

        I understand where you’re coming from and I think your 30: 30: 40 approach is a great one, and of course I would never want you to make up problems that aren’t there! I guess I’m just not used to hearing about people managing their problems as successfully as you do.

        Perhaps my main issue was with the concept that there can be a “final conclusion” on certain topics that (to me at least) seem to be open-ended (like an ongoing romantic relationship). But maybe I’m just being a grumpy pernickity person and it doesn’t matter! lol – as you say if things change, recur or if you arrive at new thoughts about a topic, you can always add an article or even edit an old article at a later date.

        • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

          Perhaps my main issue was with the concept that there can be a “final conclusion” on certain topics that (to me at least) seem to be open-ended (like an ongoing romantic relationship).

          Hey paupau, no, not at all! This is where other topics like conflict management in relationships, how to make relationships work, etc. will come in. ;) But there is a place and time for such topics, and right now I’m just laying the groundwork on the relationship topics on PE with this soulmate/love series. In the future I definitely will be covering more day-to-day topics such as the above.

          Thanks so much for your comment! :) I love to hear what readers are thinking so it’s helpful to hear your POV and helping me to better understand where you are coming from.

  • Christina Mattschei

    Hi Celes, awesome article! I love how you and Ken are setting an example for how a relationship can be a vehicle for positive self-improvement and *not* codependency (which is how so many people look at personal change in relationships). Thank you for sharing! :)

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Thank you so much for your kind words Christina! :) I definitely hope that sharing my story with Ken helps to give others hope on love and an idea of the kind of relationship they should strive for, especially if they have been used to relationships characterized by toxicity, neediness/clinginess, and unhappiness. If even one person walks away with a renewed view on how relationships, then my work here is done.

  • Glenn Thomas

    That’s great. All very well written and informative answers to the questions. If you’re reading this Ken, I think you would do well starting your own blog. I’m sure Celes would give you a nice discount on her blogging intensive bootcamp course ;)

    And Celes, cute shoes and socks you’re wearing in that Loch Lomond photo!

    I’ll also add, that mooncake looks nothing like the mooncakes the Chinese stores sell here in Australia. Here they’re normally just sold in tins of 4, with one or two yolks, or none in the case of those I buy. I like the lotus seed flavoured ones myself.

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      It sounds like the mooncakes there are the standard traditional mooncakes! We have them here too in SG, along with many other variants like the snow-skin ones (as per the picture), exotic fillings (like durian!), and even ice cream mooncakes! It’s a huge industry commercially during the mooncake festival.

      • Glenn Thomas

        Oh wow, I can imagine the durian one would be nice!

        • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

          That’s nice that you like durians, Glenn! I’ve introduced some of my foreigner friends to durians and I don’t think they’ve taken to them kindly, haha!

          • Glenn Thomas

            Yeah, it’s funny, I remember these markets we went to years ago. There was this Malaysian food stall and they had an Aussie guy there making durian pancakes. I think his wife was Malaysian. Anyway I ordered the durian pancake, and the guy was really surprised. He must have thought he was the only Aussie that liked durian. So he shook my hand and congratulated me. It was funny! And then he remembered me when we went back a few weeks later.

  • http://hackmyheart.com/ Calae

    Aww, this was so cute! Congrats again to both of you! <3 I loved reading Ken's responses, it just adds to the happy-vibe of this relationship between you guys!

    I have a question! Well, it's sorta a combination of them. ^^; Do you believe that a couple has to feel that twin-soul vibe to have found the "right" one for them? Whether they do or they don't, do you think such a connection would always reveal itself as quickly as it did between you two, or do you think it's possible that it could take some time?

    I suppose I'm just wondering if finding the "right" one would be the same for everyone, or if there's a chance there could be doubt in the relationship before the certainty?

    I think I'm sort of comparing my new relationship to all this and wondering, "hm…could this be it? I wonder if it really matches all of these traits, though…" I'm not so sure what to make of it by comparison, I guess. ^^; I'm super happy with my relationship, but there (isn't yet?) a connection like the one you and Ken describe!

    Sorry I seem to always ramble in these comments! Your love story makes me think a lot! ^^;

    • http://personalexcellence.co/ Celestine Chua

      Dearest Calae, thanks so much for your sweet comment! :D

      On your question: I think people reading our story should definitely *NOT* compare their relationship with mine and Ken’s, but instead use it as an idea on the height their relationships can soar to. Because every relationship is always different! And the speed it develops, the vibe it gives out, etc. will be different depending on the individuals in the relationship. Some may unveil itself slower, some may do so faster, and it shouldn’t diminish the value of the relationship either way.

      But general points I can definitely make are that if you (a) are left wondering if someone is the one for you even after a while of being together (“a while” here is defined by yourself), (b) don’t feel a positive vibe about the other person (AND you are sure it has nothing to do with your personal issues/fears), and (c) the relationship is constantly holding you back (in more ways than one), then chances are this is probably not the right person.

      Like cassie rightly mentioned below, if the person is the one for you, this feeling should emerge after a reasonable amount of time, vs. you having to figure out for a long time but not really getting anywhere in it.

      For example for Ken, he spent years in multiple relationships but never felt “right” with any of them; in the end each relationship ended as a result of a natural course of events i.e., things simply ran their course already and expired. In his personal reflection he felt that he should have ended them much earlier last time when he felt each girl wasn’t the right match vs. letting things drag on, but then all of us have our individual paths to walk and his past journey has definitely helped him learn heaps about love and made him the great person he is today.

      So to summarize, *don’t* compare your new relationship to mine and Ken’s but instead let it blossom in its own light! You and your boyfriend are completely different individuals and should create a relationship based on who both of you are and not based on others’ relationships. Instead, you can use attributes of our relationship as things to strive for in your relationship, such as being able to have conscious discussions with each other, being able to be yourself around one another, being selfless in giving without expecting return, being a positive beacon of inspiration to each other, etc.

      Hope that answers your question Calae, and again I’m so happy on your new relationship! :D That must be one lucky and awesome you are with!

      • http://hackmyheart.com/ Calae

        Thank you so much, Celes! It really helps! =)

        I think I might be casting my own doubts on everything. I was feeling quite down for a while but I wasn’t sure what was causing my sadness, though I went ahead and tried to talk it out with my boyfriend, anyway. He was comforting even though he didn’t know how to help (as I didn’t know what was wrong), and I think that was enough to trigger me figuring out what was bothering me. I think it says so much that he’s willing to do his best to comfort me, even if I’m not even sure of what’s wrong!

        I think right now, the answer is that the “right amount” of time hasn’t passed. But I’m happy, and that’s what counts! And yes, he’s very awesome. x)

  • Muna

    Thanks Celes and specially Ken for taking time and answering the questions. Since she has been a amazing and positive influence to us and has shared her life so openly that we feel that we already know her and that is why we all get so persistent :)
    You are also an amazing person like Celes and you two deserve each other so much.
    Reading it made me believe in destiny and the twin flame concept makes so much sense in your love story. its like you both are meant for each other in more than one ways. I understand the doubt of few people who ask you questions like If you both have ever been sick of each other or do you get angry. Sometimes I also have the same doubts, when i take notes( I take note sometimes on my phone while reading your blog, to remember them). I wonder-”she has sorted out everything” and then I look at myself and I can’t relate.

    I mean, plz don’t take my words otherwise, i am really a great fan of your blog and ever since I came in contact of you I read one post each day and make note of it. That’s why sometime i have such doubts.

    I don’t have any questions regarding your relationship. Hope you both have a beautiful life ahead. Having met Ken, I am more sure now that you both will compliment each other :)

  • Alex

    Help…

  • Ruby

    Hi both, my question I guess is about what a soulmate actually is? I mean I found my soulmate, I believe, too young…we would know eachothers thoughts, finish off eachothers sentences etc I felt a deep connection however because we were teens I never really experienced the adult passion with him I also got into a mortgage at 19 and routine and boredom of having to keep a 9-5 job to pay my bills and mortgage crept in and it felt too much too young. I began seeing someone older who excited me and fulfilled that something missing. It was passion on another level but the soulmate connection wasn’t there. I’m still with this guy to this day, years later but I often think of my ex – when I say soulmate friends dispute that because we split so not meant to be etc but trust me it was a strong connection he knew me inside out and would text me what I was thinking. We turned into brother and sister type rship. My question I guess is do you both have passion too? I know it’s early days and hearing your description sounds like how we were because don’t get me wrong we were close physically and fancied eachother. Whats the balance of connection & passion? Does passion last with soulmates? Or is it variety that brings passion? I often wonder if I made a mistake. He said no man will ever love you the same and it’s turned out true some 10 years on. Anyway I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.

  • Ruby

    Hi both, my question I guess is about what a soulmate actually is? I mean I found my soulmate, I believe, too young…we would know eachothers thoughts, finish off eachothers sentences etc I felt a deep connection however because we were teens I never really experienced the adult passion with him I also got into a mortgage at 19 and routine and boredom of having to keep a 9-5 job to pay my bills and mortgage crept in and it felt too much too young. I began seeing someone older who excited me and fulfilled that something missing. It was passion on another level but the soulmate connection wasn’t there. I’m still with this guy to this day, years later but I often think of my ex – when I say soulmate friends dispute that because we split so not meant to be etc but trust me it was a strong connection he knew me inside out and would text me what I was thinking. We turned into brother and sister type rship. My question I guess is do you both have passion too? I know it’s early days and hearing your description sounds like how we were because don’t get me wrong we were close physically and fancied eachother. Whats the balance of connection & passion? Does passion last with soulmates? Or is it variety that brings passion? I often wonder if I made a mistake. He said no man will ever love you the same and it’s turned out true some 10 years on. Anyway I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.

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