In the 7 weeks I lived in New York City, one of the occupants in the apartment I stayed in, a local, was extremely wasteful. He had a habit of buying a lot of food while he was out, storing it in the fridge, and doing the same thing the next day – to the point where half the fridge would be filled with his food.

Since a lot of his purchases were takeout or prepacked meals, they would go bad after a week or so, and would eventually get thrown out, much to my horror. Bear in mind some of the food would be literally untouched. As much as I tried to salvage the situation (by taking the vegan friendly bits), much of the food was not suitable for me, since it had meat and dairy (I’m a vegan).

Having been brought up by my parents to always be mindful of my consumption needs, I dislike wasteful behavior, and would be abhorred whenever I see it in action. So needless to say, I was shocked by the rampantly wasteful behavior I was greeted with almost every day.

His wasn’t the only wasteful behavior I encountered. Another acquaintance I stayed with while I was in NYC, a local too, would never pack food no matter how much food was left over. Be it whether we were eating in or eating out, regardless of how much food he had left (we’re talking about good quality food that would last another meal or two), he would throw them all away. One time there was about 30-40% of food left. Another time about 99% of the meal was intact as he had only taken 1-2 bites.

When I asked him why (he wouldn’t pack/store the food), he said he just didn’t want leftovers. Even if the food was perfectly good for another meal; even if there was a lot of food left. If he ever wanted to eat something, he would get a new meal, be it getting it from the store or making it himself. I suspect it wasn’t just him, and it turned out to be true as I observed the same behavior out of the locals I met later on.

This was a sharp contrast from the people I met while in London (I was there for 3 months), who would pack whatever food they could not finish, be it in a restaurant or at home. It could be at a Chinese restaurant with rice and stir fries, at an Indian restaurant with naans, chickpeas, spinach and curries, or at home with some home cooked meal. They would store it in the fridge, then have it the next day, or later in the week. I was particularly inspired by their conservative spirit and thereafter cultivated a habit of packing my food in restaurants/cafes whenever I couldn’t finish the food.

The wasteful behavior I observed, from the 2 acquaintances I mentioned above, along with numerous other encounters during my 3-month stay in the States, got me thinking. If I was already picking up on this from the different locals I met (who come from different states, and are not related in any way), chances are it is suggestive of the culture in the country. Of course there will be the outliers, i.e. Americans who aren’t wasteful (I do have American friends who are not wasteful at all), but we’re talking about the societal norm here. It would seem that America has quite a wasteful culture compared to other places in the world.

Even if that is the case, it made me realize that beyond America, all of us live in a very wasteful society today. It’s only a matter of relativity. And this inspired me to write today’s post about preventing waste in our world today.

The Epidemic of Waste

Before I go on any further, here is a small fact sheet regarding waste which I reckon many of us don’t know about (and neither did I before writing this post). While many of the facts pertain to U.S., we can still take them as a directional guide for the equivalent facts for our country:

• Food Wastage Facts:
• As of 2011, 1.3 billion tons of food, or one third of the global food production, are lost or wasted annually. [1]
• Loss and wastage occurs in all steps in the food supply chain. In low-income countries, most loss occurs during production, while in developed countries much food is wasted at the consumption stage. [1]
• In US, a shocking 40% of food waste occurs at home. In a cross-country survey done among 400 US households, 93% of respondents acknowledged buying foods they never used. [2], [3]
• Plastic Facts:
• Our consumption rate of plastic bags today is over 500 billion plastic bags annually. That’s almost 1 million plastic bags used every minute! [4]
• According to The Wall Street Journal, the U.S. goes through 100 billion plastic bags annually (for shopping). An estimated 12 million barrels of oil is required to make that many plastic bags. [4]
• Plastic bags cause hundreds of thousands of birds, sea turtle and other marine animal deaths every year because these creatures mistake plastic trash for food. [4]
• On average, every household uses 500 plastic bottles each year, of which just 130 are recycled. [5]
• North Americans throw away 2.5 million plastic bottles every hour. [12]
• Paper Facts:
• A typical business office will produce about 1.5 pounds of paper waste per employee, per day. [7]
• The paper industry is the 4th largest contributor to greenhouse gas emissions among United States manufacturing industries. [6]
• Paper cups consume trees, water, and chemicals, and dump them into streams and landfills – they are not re-cyclable. Every year nearly 900 million trees are cut down to provide raw materials for American paper and pulp mills. [12]
• Half the world’s forests have already been cleared or burned, and 80% of what’s left has been seriously degraded. [6]
• Paper accounts for 25% of landfill waste (and one third of municipal landfill waste). [6]
• Water Facts: 
• Up to 99% of the world’s water supply is unusable – it’s either salty or located in ice caps and glaciers. This means only 1% of water in the world is usable. [8]
• About 95% of the water entering our homes goes down the drain! [9]
• The average person in the United States uses anywhere from 80-100 gallons of water per day (or 300-380 liters!). Flushing the toilet takes up the largest amount of this water. [10]
• Recycling Facts:
• Up to 60% of the rubbish that ends up in the dustbin could be recycled but isn’t. The unreleased energy contained in the average dustbin each year could power a television for 5,000 hours.  [11]
• Every Sunday, more than 500,000 trees are used to produce the 88% of newspapers that are never recycled. [12]
• Other Facts:
• On average, 16% of the money you spend on a product pays for the packaging, which ultimately ends up as rubbish. [11]
  
• Packaging accounts for 50% of all paper produced in North America, 90% of all glass, and 11% of aluminum. [12]

As you can see, there is a huge amount of waste in our world today. This wastage doesn’t just apply to food. It also applies to plastic, paper, water, fuel, material items - and even waste itself (recyclable waste not being recycled).

Why Wasting Is Bad

While it’s obvious wasting is very bad, here are 4 key reasons to note:

1. Environmental costs. The production of goods and industrialization of our society have resulted in a lot of damage to our environment today. Cutting down of rainforests, global warming, depletion of ozone layer, water/land/air pollution, death of marine life from plastic pollution, and many more – these could be reduced if we cut down waste.
   
2. Depletes precious resources. Our resources are rapidly depleting since we are using them much quicker than they can be replaced. The American Petroleum Institute estimated in 1999 the world’s oil supply would be depleted between 2062 and 2094, while Energy Information Agency estimated in 2005 the world has about 60 years of natural gas left. Soon we will not have enough to survive. While alternative fuel sources are being sought out, majority of the world are still reliant on conventional fuel sources, and there is no guarantee we can transition to these alternatives before the original sources are used up. What is much more helpful than reducing waste is if we don’t waste to begin with – by consuming only when we need to.
3. Generates clutter. When we purchase things we don’t need, be it material goods or food, it creates unnecessary clutter. Why create the problem of clutter, only to have to spend time, money, and energy to declutter later on? All this can be avoided by not generating waste to begin with.
4. Waste money. Last but not least, waste results in monetary wastage. Buying things we don’t need results in waste of money; Disposing of things which we could have avoided buying in the first place costs money too.

Why We Are Wasteful

If wasting is bad, then why is there such a culture of waste today?

Firstly, materialism and consumerism. Materialism is the preoccupation with material goods, while consumerism is the practice of purchasing more and more goods. Both are prevalent in our society today, which is engulfed in the notions of “More and more” and “The newer, the better”.

Because of that, we would buy things without considering if we need them, which results in wastage, because we never have a need for the things we purchase.

This could have been avoided if we did not acquire stuff we didn’t need in the first place.

Secondly, we are ignorant about the implications of waste.

Many of us are only aware what is involved in the consumption stage of goods, without knowing what it took to produce those goods, or what happens when they get disposed of. We take for granted the world will always be around, not knowing our resources are being rapidly depleted as we speak, or the harm we are inflicting to our world today.

At one point in the past, I was one of these people too. Reckless shopping, buying clothes which I thought I might wear but would eventually not wear, throwing out clothes which I had never worn before, then repeating the cycle all over again. It would be a matter of time before I realized how wasteful this behavior was and how it could be prevented by being conscious of my consumption in the first place.

The fact sheet above is to give you a a glimpse of the damage we’re creating today. But just as we created this waste, we can prevent it too. It all starts with us.

How To Prevent Waste: Your Handy Guide

In today’s guide, I’ll be sharing tips on how to prevent waste. These tips apply to all of us, regardless of who we are, what we do, and where we live. Because no matter we are from, there is always something we can to do help prevent waste.

1) Prevent Material Wastage

• Buy only what you need.  Wastefulness is merely a symptom that we do not know what we need.  Before purchasing, ask yourself:
1. Do I need this? Our modern society has created a materialistic culture, where people are encouraged to buy more and more, without thinking if we need any of these things to begin with. This is the case, be it in the technology field, the fashion industry, or consumer goods market. Differentiate between needing something and wanting something. Buy it only if you need it.
2. If you’re buying food, ask yourself the additional question of: Will I finish this? Buy it only if you’re going to say yes to both.
• Make replacement purchases only if you need to.
• The acquaintances I mentioned in the opening of the article told me they change a new laptop every 3-6 months, which I was shocked by! When I asked them why they do that, they say it’s not because their current laptop is spoiled, lost or made obsolete, but simply because they can.
• Personally I change a laptop about once every 3-4 years (mine starts failing on me at that point), and I have friends who have been using their laptops for over 5 years and going strong. Each of my mobile phones in the past have always lasted me well over 3 years, and the reason why I had to get a new one each time is because my previous one was misplaced.
• How often do you replace the things you use? To be honest, you really don’t need that latest laptop/mobile/camera/watch/bag/wallet/clothing. Truly. Get it only if you have a real need for it. See the first point of this list.
• Celebrating special occasions:
• Learn to celebrate the occasion, sans gifts. There is a message behind each occasion, and the gift is only one way of expressing the message. Learn to embrace and deliver the message without gifts, rather than rely on gifts to do the work.
• Consider alternatives to gifts. Such as via acts of kindness, e-cards, heartfelt letters (or emails), fun-filled activities, or meal treats. These are environmentally conscious ways of celebrating the event.
• Buy gifts only if there is a need. If you absolutely have to buy something, do your research and ensure it’s something the person will use. The worst purchase is when you buy someone something for the sake of buying, and it’s not even something which the person want nor need. The best gift is when it’s something the person is intending to get for him/herself at some point anyway. This way, your gift has more meaning and will be put into good use.

2) Prevent Food Wastage

• Cultivate the habit of packing food. Pack food after each meal (at home or in the restaurant), if you have leftovers. Packing food is a very good habit as it helps save not only food, but also time and money from not having to get your next meal. Even if you don’t like the food, pack it for someone else who may want it.
  
• While you’re at it, bring your tupperware whenever you go out. This way, you can easily pack food when needed, which will be handy since not all establishments provide packing boxes (such as food courts). Not only that, the reusability of the tupperware means no wastage of packing boxes.
• Buy only what you need. Don’t buy food unless you’re absolutely sure (a) you’re going to eat it (b) you’re going to finish it. This is especially so for perishable food like fruits, vegetables, takeout and prepacked food. The acquaintance I mentioned in the opening would buy food without considering if he was going to finish it or not – in the end it would get tossed into the bin because it had gone bad before he ever got to it. Not only did he waste precious food, he also wasted money.
• Finish the food at home first before you buy more. Don’t buy food to stock up – we’re not entering a famine. Finish what you have at home first, then go grocery shopping.
• Omit food you don’t want. In restaurants, if there is something you don’t eat in a dish, ask the server to omit that. For example, I don’t like to eat rice. Hence, if my dish comes with rice, I would ask the servers to exclude that, as opposed to them serving rice and having it thrown away eventually because it is untouched. Fine if I’m paying the same price – the point is not to waste food.

3) Prevent Plastic Wastage

• Bring your own bag. One of the biggest material wastage is via carrier paper / plastic bags. When grocery shopping, set aside a big bag or a trolley for grocery shopping, and use this whenever you head to the supermarket. Supermarkets like Ralphs (in the west coast of U.S.) let you buy a large recyclable bag for $0.99 USD which you can use over and over again. When doing general shopping, put your purchases in bags you have on hand. Let the cashiers know you don’t need their bags.
  
• Save plastic cups.
• At the office. If you work in an office, you probably have a pantry, complete with a coffee maker, tea bags, a water dispenser and plastic/paper cups – whereby you use 2-3 cups a day for just drinking. The average American office worker uses about 500 disposable cups every year! In a global corporation with 100,000 employees, that’s 50 million cups wasted annually! Instead of using disposable cups, get a mug and use this for all your drinks from now on.
• Ordering at the cafe. If you order coffee/tea every day from the same cafe, keep the plastic cup and hand it to the server for your next orders. One cup a day adds up to hundreds a year. Starbucks has a program where you save 10 cents off your beverage when you bring your Starbucks reusable tumblers or travel mugs. Not only do you get to save the environment, you get to save your money too!
• Save plastic utensils. Every year, Americans throw away enough paper and plastic cups, forks, and spoons to circle the equator 300 times. Many of us use plastic utensils once and throw them away after 1 use, which is a big waste and totally unnecessary. Bring a set of utensils whenever you go out (fork, knife, spoon). Now, use this set instead of taking plastic utensils whenyou eat out. Wash/wipe it when you’re done, so you can reuse it the next time.

4) Prevent Paper Wastage

• Print only if you need to. Back when I was working in the corporate environment, a lot of paper was wasted every day printing material which was either used once or not used at all. If you have a presentation, have the audience refer to the screen instead. Print it only if you need it. A paperless office is the way to go in this new decade.
• Go for soft copy over hard copy. In many exercises on PE, I mentioned I use soft copies over hard copies – be it my life handbook, my project guidebooks, or when I do writing exercises. I find soft copy a superior choice, because (1) you can make changes easily (2) it’s environmentally-friendly (3) it provides formatting advantages over writing (4) it’s space-friendly – you can store it all in your laptop, whereas writing on paper/books means having to take them wherever you go (5) with Ctrl+F, it’s easy to look for what you need – whereas writing on paper requires a manual search, which can take a while if you have a lot of material to work through.
• Use rough paper if you need to write. If you really need to have a hard copy, then use rough paper as your first choice. There’s no need to buy a new fancy notebook or buy writing pads. Whenever I need to jot notes, I’ll take from the stack of rough papers I’ve collected over time.
• Use a handkerchief or towel - over paper napkins or tissues, which add up quickly. You use it once and throw it away, even though 90% is unused most of the time. Play a part in saving our rainforests. Use a handkerchief to wipe your hands/mouth (one side for each). Handkerchiefs used to be seen as old-fashioned and unhygienic, but I think it’s now the “in” thing to do. It’s reusable, a conscious choice, and cute too, if I may say so myself. At home, use a towel for cleaning. Put them away in the laundry basket when they are dirty. That way, you also save water.

5) Prevent Water Wastage

• Turn the tap tight every time. Make sure it does not drip. Fix your tap if it’s leaking – get a plumber or fix it yourself. A tap that drips one one drop a second wastes more than 600 liters a month, or over 7,500 liters a year! (Source: U.S. Geological Survey)
• Take short showers (3-4 minutes), over baths or long showers. Baths use nearly 2.5 times as much water as showers, while showers use 3-4 buckets of clean drinking water – every minute. (Source: Water Wise)
• At home, use the same set of utensils, plate and bowl. Wash them only if they are dirty. I realized a lot of us wash our utensils or put it away in the sink when it’s still perfectly clean. Most of the time, I use my plate or bowl as a place to hold my food (like fruits, vegetables, or bread slices) and they barely get dirty. Hence, I use them over and over, and wash them only when they are dirty.

• Do you know a full toilet flush can use upto 15 litres of water for everyflush, whereas half flush usesless than 6 litre? (Source: Water Wise) When using the toilet, use a half flush if it’s number one (pee), and a full flush if it’s number two (poo). Install a dual-flush toilet system if you don’t already have one.
• Use a mug to rinse your mouth. Running the tap while brushing your teeth can waste 4 gallons of water. (Source: Huffington Post)
• If you use a dishwasher, turn it on only when it’s full. Not when it’s half-full.
• Do your laundry only when you have a maximum load. The same amount of water is used whether you’re washing only 1 underwear or one huge basket of clothes.

6) Prevent Fuel Wastage

• Switch off lights when no in use. Casper doesn’t need lights to see his way around.
• Switch off appliances when you’re not using them. Including TV, radio and the computer.
• Don’t get a car unless you absolutely need to. Not only do you conserve the environment, you also save money, since having a car can be quite expensive, especially in places like Singapore, New York City, and London.
• Use alternatives to private transport. Such as the public transport, cycling, walking, or even car pooling. When I was in Holland, I was amazed at their culture of cycling. Not only does it help fuel conservation in the country, it also keeps everyone trim and fit – Holland is easily the country with highest proportion of fit people I’ve ever been to.

7) Other Tips To Prevent Waste

• Cultivate the habit of recycling.
• Did you know that… 1 recycled tin can would save enough energy to power a television for 3 hours? 1 recycled glass bottle would save enough energy to power a computer for 25 minutes? 1 recycled plastic bottle would save enough energy to power a 60-watt light bulb for 3 hours? And 70% less energy is required to recycle paper compared with making it from raw materials? (Source: Recycling Guide)
• When I was in Germany, I couldn’t help but notice recycling is such an integral part of German culture. Every German household has 2 bins – 1 for trash, and 1 for recyclable material. In public, there are always different bins for different recyclable materials. Not surprisingly, Germans lead the World in recycling, with 70% of their waste recycled every year. (Source: Trash Planet)
• The German’s recycling culture is something worthy of replicating. Get into the habit of recycling. Put aside recyclable waste and dispose of them in the appropriate recycling bins.
• Donate things you don’t need. For clothes, shoes, books, and other belongings that you don’t need, either (a) sell them on eBay (b) give them to someone you know who will have a use for them, or (c) donate them to the Salvation Army, orphanages or old folks’ home. Don’t throw them away or leave them lying around unused. You may not recognize this, but there are plenty of people out there who can benefit from them.

Closing Words

Change starts from you.

I imagine most, some of you, might have skimmed through this guide, and went “Oh yeah, I do this, this and this – That’s enough.” or “This is boring stuff. Who cares about environmental conservation? Let others do the work.“.

But no, this shouldn’t be the way. PE is about personal excellence, and personal excellence isn’t just about working on our lives, our careers, our health, and our relationships. That’s part of it, but not all of it. True personal excellence also includes knowing our place in this world, knowing the impact of our existence on others, and taking action to make the world a better place for all of us.

Let us all do our part in conserving our world. You will be amazed by how much change one person can effect. If each of us follow all the tips outlined in this tutorial, and in turn influence others around us to do the same, the impact would be staggering.

We only have one world to live in, so let’s not destroy it with our reckless behavior.

Do you have any tips of your own? Share with everyone below.

Image: Food wastage; Recyclable bag; Other images © PE

Related Posts

• Holland Travel Series: The Dutch Culture, Part 1
• Materialism Breeds Unhappiness
• The Story of Stuff

It’s Sunday, Jan 22, as I’m writing this – which is the eve of Chinese New Year. I thought I’ll write a quick post to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year!

This year is the year of the Dragon, which is a long-standing symbol of power, strength, and good luck in Chinese culture. The dragon is a highly revered creature to the Chinese, and for the same reason, many Chinese see it as highly auspicious to have children in this year.

Every Chinese New Year, it’s common to see the Lion Dance and Dragon Dance – which are choreographed performance by people in life-size puppets modeled as Lions and Dragons respectively. Some people mistake the Lion Dance as the Dragon Dance, where they are 2 separate things.

Below is a clip of a traditional Lion Dance (in Hong Kong):

…and here is a modern take of the Lion Dance (they used Tiger puppets instead of Lion ones because it was 2010, the year of the Tiger):

At the moment I’m in Los Angeles, and traveling over to San Francisco later today. I’ve heard a lot about the large Asian community in San Francisco, and the amazing vibe of the city, and can’t wait to check it out for myself. It’s definitely going to be fun, for sure. Will share pictures as I take them, via Facebook - To those of you who have been following me on Facebook – you know the drill!

After San Francisco, I’m probably returning to Singapore. It’s been a while (over 7 months, but hey – who’s counting?), and I can’t wait to see how things have been back home.

Because of the myriad of experiences I’ve been in since I’ve been away, first in Europe, then going to US, I’m expecting a reversal culture shock when I return. Mainly having to adjust back to the climate, the societal norms, the culture, and the way of life. No thoughts on how that’s going to be, but I’m interested to see how it’s going to unfold.

Image

Related Posts

• Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!
• My Review of 2011 (and Moving On To 2012!)

Being in United States, I noticed how people here can get quite large in size. While there are plenty of people here who are in good shape and health, there seems to be more overweight people (per segment of population) compared to outside US, and the ones who are overweight seem significantly larger than the average overweight person outside US.

(For what it’s worth, I’ve been in cities such as New York City, Washington DC, Philadephia, Boston, Los Angeles and soon San Francisco, where people are probably more health conscious than other US states. I can imagine the situation is probably worse in southern states like Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana and Oklahoma.)

A quick search on Google reveals that obesity is indeed a growing issue in US, despite efforts to control the problem. About one-third (33.8%) of US adults today are obese, with 17% of children and adolescents aged 2-19 who are obese. (Source: Centers for Disease Control and Preventation).

What is it that makes people fat? Is it the lack of healthy food options? Is it the lack of exercising facilities? Is it the lack of knowledge on healthy living?

Possibly, but I don’t think that’s the main reason. If anything, I think US (at least in the cities) has provided a conducive climate (over the years) to live healthily.

For example, in the past few months I’ve been here, I see calorie data available almost everywhere. For example, Starbucks in US has calorie data listed clearly beside each drink and food item – something I’ve never seen before in the Starbucks in Holland, Germany, Paris, London, Singapore, or other countries. Almost every item in the supermarkets here has nutritional information listed on the pack. A good number of restaurants have calorie data listed as well, much to my pleasant surprise. (Turns out there was a legislation passed 2 years ago, in 2010, where major food chains are mandated to display the calorie data.)

I also find there are so many healthy options here (again, at least in the cities, because that’s where I’ve been at), far more than other places I’ve been in. Salad bars are common place. There are more organic options than other countries I’ve visited. In Ralphs, a major supermarket chain in California, they have a salad bar where you can pick and mix your own salad. I’ve found salad mixes and greens to be very affordable too.

As to knowledge on healthy living, information is so readily available today that ignorance is simply not an excuse anymore. Internet is an immediate resource for free information. Google has made it so easy to get information whenever you want to. Online bookstores like Amazon and Barnes and Noble have books on all topics imaginable. Depending on where you live, libraries continue to be a great place to peruse books for free.

What does this mean then? It means at the end of the day, it boils down to you. Doesn’t matter if the environment around you supports a healthier lifestyle or not. Sure it helps some, but if you already have the correct beliefs surrounding food and eating built into you, plus the intention to be healthy, it will work out itself. This is why some people are thin no matter where they live, while some people are obese even if they are surrounded by healthy people.

Hence, in today’s post, I’d like to share 11 top reasons why you are fat – or at the very least, not at your desired weight. I’m writing this to get you thinking about your weight, if you are not already doing so. Even if you are of normal weight, it doesn’t mean you are healthy, especially if you don’t eat healthily.

Don’t get offended by this post, because I’m only trying to help. If anything, all these points applied to me at some point in the past, with some of them up until recently. I see this post as an awareness trigger for all of you out there, and a self-reminder for me.

This post is targeted at people who aren’t at their ideal weight – not necessarily those who are overweight or obese, though they may well be. It is not targeted at Americans nor America (I know some Americans who eat/live more healthily than some non-Americans I know). It is also not targeted at people who are overweight due to medication. If you are, I’m sympathetic to your situation, and I hope you can get off your medication soon so you can return to your desired weight.

Important: For those of you reading this who are underweight or near underweight (having a BMI under 18.5), this post does not apply to you. You need to be looking on how to *gain* weight, not how to *lose* weight. Please seek help right away, be it from a nutritionist, doctor, or a friend if you suspect you have bulimia or anorexia, which are very serious eating disorders that can cost you your life. Stop playing around with your body and your health, because you only have one life to live.

Let’s now start with reason #1, shall we?

1. You have too many excuses

Do you always seem to have a reason not to exercise or eat healthily?

“Oh I’m too tired to exercise. I’ll go tomorrow.” (And then you say the same thing tomorrow.)

“I want to stick to my diet, but I’m also having a strong craving for X. I’ll restart my diet after I eat this.” (But you never do.)

“I should watch my diet but it’s Thanksgiving/Christmas/Chinese New Year/[insert some celebration] and there will be lots of great food. I’ll return to my diet after this is over.” (Then comes the next event which makes you put off your healthy living plans yet again.)

“I’m too busy to go to the gym. You guys go ahead without me.” (But somehow you still have time for Facebook, Youtube and Twitter.)

How many excuses are you going to give until you realize nothing will change until you own up to the situation? (see #10)? Do you want to be healthy or not? Do you want to get your act together now and work on becoming healthy, or do you want to mop around until you get struck with heart diseases and a myraid of health conditions? It’s your call.

Read:

• Are You Putting Any Parts of Your Life On Hold?
• You are the CEO of Your Life

2. You eat more than you should

Weight management is about consuming in line with your calorie needs. If you’re fat, it simply means you have been consuming more than your body needs, full stop. Since your body doesn’t need the extra calories/energy, it has converted them into fats and deposited them somewhere on your body – be it your hips, thighs, arms, waist, belly, or face.

What does this mean then? Identify your body’s daily energy needs (otherwise known as TDEE = Total Daily Energy Expenditure). Then, consume in line with your daily energy needs. Create your ideal meal plans that fit your daily needs. The following tasks from Live a Healthier Life in 21 Days Challenge will help you in that:

• 21DHL Day 3 – Calculate Your Daily Energy Expenditure
• 21DHL Day 4 – Create Your Ideal Meal Plan

3. You turn to food for comfort (You eat not to fill yourself, but your emotions)

Rather than eat to feed your body, you eat to feed your emotions. Instead of learning to deal with your issues, and your emotions, you eat when you feel unhappy, stressed out, anxious, angry, disappointed, empty, or [insert emotion here]. Bingeing is not uncommon to you.

Since eating triggers the release of serotonin, a hormone believed to contribute to happy feelings, you feel happy for a short while. It seems like the eating is justified because you emerge a happier person.

However, since food does not address the original issue, the issue arises again after a while. (See: 7 Reasons Emotional Eating is Bad for You) You keep turning to eating to offset your negative emotions, to regain that feeling of peace. This creates an erratic eating behavior that has zero connection with your physical needs. More often than not, you eat more than what your body needs. (see #2)

This overeating builds up over time. You slowly gain weight. Before you know it, you’re heavier than you’ve ever been, which crushes your already diminishing self-confidence.

Anguished, you turn to eating for comfort. This sets you off on new cycle all over again, making you gain more weight.

What should you do then? Start from the very root of it – your emotional eating behavior.

I’ve written a comprehensive 6-part series on how to stop emotional eating. This is the one guide you need to read, above all else, if you’re truly committed to addressing your emotional eating problem. Bookmark it and keep reading it until you completely unroot your emotional eating behavior. It’s a matter of time before you do so.

Read: How To Stop Emotional Eating (6-part series)

4. You have false notions surrounding food and eating

Besides what’s already covered in this list post, you have other false notions surrounding food and eating. For example, thinking that X food is good for your health when it isn’t. Thinking you need to eat when you don’t. Thinking eating is loving yourself when it’s no more a neutral activity like breathing and passing waste. And so on.

It’s not possible to have an exhaustive list of these falsified notions, because it’s dependent on how one was raised around food and eating. Everyone has his/her set of false notions surrounding food and eating formed from childhood.

For me, I had a lot of such false notions, of which I shared a good number in the How To Stop Emotional Eating series. These false notions include seeing food as a symbol of love, thinking eating was a necessary part of celebrations, thinking I had to eat whenever I returned home (like a reward for a long day of work), associating certain food with certain messages which would result in random cravings out of the blue (e.g., eggs = goodness, chocolate = reward), thinking it was better to overeat than undereat (when both were equally bad), perceiving eating as loving myself (when it should be a neutral activity), among others.

These contributed to a compulsive eating behavior which was detrimental for my body, beyond aesthetically displeasing effects of weight gain. It was only through listing my false notions, sorting through them, and breaking every single one of them did I regain a normal relationship with food.

So how do you know if something is a false notion or not? Simple – If it causes you to eat outside of (be it above or below) your daily energy expenditure. Food is designed for the purpose of fueling our body, and as long as we consume out of our needs, there’s something to be corrected.

And how do you break this false notion? By understanding how it was first formed and replacing it with the right belief. The articles below will help you do that:

• How To Stop Emotional Eating, A Crucial Guide, Part 1: Tackling the Causes of Emotional Eating
• How To Create Real Change In Life: Address Root Cause vs. Effects
• Day 25 of Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program on Beliefs
• How To Stop Emotional Eating, A Crucial Guide, Part 2: Rebuilding a Healthy Relationship with Food

5. You eat based on external factors (vs. your body’s needs)

You eat based on external factors, such as:

• When you pass by a food stall / restaurant / kiosk.
• When people ask you to eat.
• When you are offered food.
• When it is the supposed meal time (8am, 12pm, 7pm) for the day.
• When people are eating.
• When you see food.
• When you are in a celebration.
• As long as there is food on your plate.

…as opposed to eating based on (a) hunger cues (b) caloric needs (c) nutritional needs. You keep eating as long the external conditions are in place, or until you feel busted from all the food you’ve taken in – usually with the latter occurring first. Unfortunately, this is not healthy at all.

The 3 factors above (hunger cues, caloric needs, and nutritional needs) should be the only factors that guide your eating behavior, because they are based on why we have to eat to begin with. Not anything else.

Read: Step #1 of How To Stop Emotional Eating, A Crucial Guide, Part 2 on eating based on your needs

6. You don’t know how to say no

How many of us have eaten before because we didn’t know how to say no to food offers or meal invitations?

Everytime we say yes to something, we inadvertently say no to something else. Think about the things you’re saying no to whenever you say yes to an invitation to eat (even though you’re not hungry). You’re saying no to weight management. You’re saying no to better health. You’re saying no to your current slimmer body. You’re saying no to your healthy way of life.

What should dictate your eating? Should it be what others say, or should it be your needs? Who’s the owner of your life? Learn how to say no to food you don’t need, starting from today.

Read: How To Say No To Others, The Only Guide You Ever Need

7. You don’t plan your meals

You don’t plan your meals. You eat based on your whims and fancies, without considering whether you need to eat or not. You eat based on whether others want to eat or not. You eat when you’re invited to eat or when you’re offered food (see #6).

This results in 2 problems - Firstly, you eat more often than you should. Secondly, you eat more than you should each time  (quantity-wise).

Both results in overeating for the day. Consuming an excess of X calories a day may not seem like a case for concern, but imagine doing that every day. Overeating 500 calories a day means taking in an excess of 3,500 calories a week – equivalent to 1 pound of fat! That’s over 4 pounds in a month, and 52 pounds in a year!! And people still wonder why they are gaining weight!

Meal planning is important, because it lets you (1) take ownership over what you put into your body (2) gain awareness of how much and what you should consume for the day (3) consume exactly what is ideal for your body. The following tasks in Live a Healthier Life in 21 Days Challenge is meant to inculcate this habit:

• 21DHL Day 2 – Create a Calorie List
• 21DHL Day 4 – Create Your Ideal Meal Plan
• 21DHL Day 6 – Follow Your Ideal Meal Plan
• 21DHL Day 20 – Start Your Healthy Living Guidebook

8. You eat disgusting food

The quality of our diet has deteriorated so much over the years. Today, deep fried burger patties, highly processed burger buns, oil-drenched fries, sugar-loaded candy bars, carbonated drinks, sugar-laden milkshakes, highly salted potato chips, and all kinds of unhealthy food dominate our diet.

Unfortunately, these items are also high in calories, high in preservatives, low in nutritional value, and quite frankly, a detriment to good health.

Have you watched Super Size Me before? It’s a documentary of a guy (Morgan Spurlock) who went on a 30-day McDonald’s only diet, to see the effects on one’s health. He ate 3 times a day, consuming only food from McDonald’s. The results of this experiment were jarring:

As the film begins, Spurlock is in physically above average shape [...]. [He] stood 6 feet 2 inches (188 cm) tall, had a body weight of 185.5 lbs (84 kg).

After five days Spurlock has gained 9.5 pounds (4.5 kg) (from 185.5 to about 195 pounds). It is not long before he finds himself experiencing depression, and he claims that his bouts of depression, lethargy, and headaches could be relieved by eating a McDonald’s meal. At his second weigh-in, he had gained another 8 pounds (3.5 kg), putting his weight at 203.5 lb (92 kg).

On Day 21, Spurlock has heart palpitations. His internist, Dr. Daryl Isaacs, advises him to stop what he is doing immediately to avoid any serious health problems.

On March 2, Spurlock makes it to day 30 and achieves his goal. [...] the then-32-year-old Spurlock gained 24½ lbs. (11.1 kg), a 13% body mass increase, a cholesterol level of 230, and experienced mood swings, sexual dysfunction, and fat accumulation in his liver.

(Source: Wikipedia)

While there were questionable aspects about the way the experiment was conducted, such as the reckless way Spurlock ate, and the unnecessary self-mandate to clean the plate each time (as opposed to stopping when he was full – which led to a consumption of 5,000 calories a day, which was way more than what he really needed), the film nonetheless established what all of us have known all along but refused to admit to ourselves – that junk food isn’t going to lead us to good health.

It took Spurlock fourteen months to lose the weight gained from his experiment using a vegan diet supervised by his future wife, a chef who specializes in gourmet vegan dishes.

How about you? Are you knowingly eating junk food even though you know it’s not good for you? When are you going to get your act together and embark on a healthier diet? It all starts today.

9. You sit on your butt the whole day

Your life is marked by sedentariness. Wake up, eat, sit, use the computer, lay on the couch, watch TV, lie on the bed, sleep. You don’t exercise, you don’t do any physical activity, you don’t get your body moving at all. The cycle starts all over again the next day.

I’m no personal trainer, but it’s obvious that if you lead a lifestyle marked by high physical activity, you will burn more calories than someone who sits on his/her butt the whole day. Not only that, you will have a more toned body, compared to a flabby, weak body with under-developed muscles.

If you find it hard to exercise because there are no ready exercising facilities near you, or because of constantly changing weather conditions, you may find home aerobic videos helpful. Youtube has many of such videos you can peruse. Read: How To Workout Whenever and Wherever You Want

10. You refuse to take responsibility (for your obesity)

A few years back, I learned there were actually people who sued McDonald’s for their obesity.

When I heard of this, my first reaction was: “Seriously?”.

Sure, McDonald’s has probably contributed to the weight gain of millions of people around the world. It has also undoubtedly supported many people’s unhealthy lifestyles. I would personally describe most of their food as grossly unhealthy (see #8). Same for all fast food chains out there, be it Burger King, Wendy’s, Popeyes, KFC, Taco Bell, or Pizza Hut.

However, they are a secondary factor, and not the real reason, for your obesity.

The real reason is because of you.

Everyone knows these places serve crap food. Everyone knows these are not the places to dine at if you want to lead a healthy lifestyle. By choosing to eat there despite knowing what they serve, you’ve chosen to be fat. Even if you do sue the fast food chains for your obesity and win the case, it does not change the fact that (a) you are obese (b) you will continue to be obese until you get your act together.

The same applies for everything else you may be pointing the finger at for your obesity – be it your parents, your friends, your environment, your country, the society, the media, or the world.

The minute you take responsibility for your current weight, you will realize it’s up to you to achieve your ideal weight. You will set healthy living goals, create healthy living plans, and execute them, so you can get started on living your ideal life.

But if you keep pointing fingers at others, then you will continue to live in this fat suit. A fat suit that’s concealing the real you.

Here are some inspiring stories of amazing people who were once obese, but lost those excess weight because they took ownership of their condition:

• 8 Amazing Weight Loss Success Stories
• More Weight Loss Success Stories (Women’s Health Magazine)
• Amazing Weight Loss Success (MSN, Fitbie)

11. You secretly want to be fat (You hate yourself)

So let’s say you have thoroughly addressed the 10 factors above, but you still have trouble with your weight. If anything, you continue to eat in a frenzied fashion, and you gain more weight with each passing month.

If so, have you considered the possibility that a part of you wants to be fat? That a part of you has a negative self-image, and being fat gives you an excuse to hate yourself? That being fat lets you avoid dealing with other things in life? That being fat makes things easier?

If so, I can relate. A part of what made me overeat in the past was because I was angry at myself at failing (yet again) in my diet, and eating more was a great self-punishment tool since it would detract me from my weight loss goal. I was also very inferior of my body, and being fat was my way of avoiding my body image issues (It was an all or nothing mindset. Note I was never fat in the true sense of the word – but I was gradually gaining weight over the years.). A part of me also secretly wanted to be fat, because I hated myself and it was my way of making the self-hate easier.

What should you do in such a situation? There is no quick fix, because self-hate and body image issues are both very deep issues that can’t be resolved overnight (the latter is a topic I intend to cover in the future). The easiest way is to start loving yourself – one step at a time. It may not change the situation right away, but it will trigger the start of a healing journey.

Read:

• Day 20 of Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program on Loving Yourself
• 101 Ways To Be a Better Person

End Note

I hope this article has triggered you to think about your weight, and as a corollary, your health. If you have a friend who is not at his/her ideal weight, pass this on to him/her.

Take responsibility for your weight and your health. It starts today.

Check out more related articles:

• How To Break Out of Recurring Patterns in Life – Break out of your bad habits, such as emotional eating and inertia towards exercising (exclusive article in Personal Excellence Book, Volume 2)
• Cultivate Life Transforming Habits in 21 Days – It takes 3 weeks to make or break a habit. Cultivate positive habits to aid you in your weight loss.
• 25 Tips To Lose Weight – My recommended tips on how to lose weight in a healthy, sustainable way
• How To Stop Emotional Eating (series) – Comprehensive 6-part series on how to stop emotional eating once and for all.
• Live a Healthier Life in 21 Days - 21-day challenge to live a healthier life. The Jan 2012 run is now over, but you can bookmark the page, create your 21-day plan and do the challenge yourself. Create your healthy living journal in the Health & Fitness forum in the Personal Excellence Forums and get the support of other forum members.

Images: Fat Belly, Emotional Eating, Eating, Fast Food, Couch Potato, Self-Hate

Related Posts

• 25 Of My Best Weight Loss Tips
• 12 Indicative Signs of Emotional Eating (and 7 Reasons Emotional Eating is Bad For You)
• My Journey with Emotional Eating, Part 1: Food as a Symbol of Love
• My Journey with Emotional Eating, Part 3: Becoming at Peace with Food

Our Los Angeles meet-up took place as planned on Jan 14, at Sage Organic Vegan Bistro. It was a HUGE BLAST – We had readers coming from LA itself, to Orange County, to Ventura County (both of which are counties in California), to all the way from Australia!!!! We met at 1:30pm, and hung out all the way till 4:30pm. Thank you to everyone for turning up!

At Sage – A popular vegan restaurant in LA. Kind Kreme is the sister brand of Sage’s, which serves raw, gourmet, organic vegan desserts. Having both brands share the same shop space makes it easy to get all of one’s vegan fix under the same roof!

Cosy restaurant interior

The early birds – Clockwise from the left – Katya, Amy, Cynthia, Michelle, Andrew, Anna. Thanks guys for sticking to the meet-up time and arriving before me even! I need to follow all of you as an example.

Everyone mingling amongst themselves, while waiting for beverages to be served

Deep in discussion. That’s Whitney (the lady in blue), fellow PE reader and my kind hostess in LA. 3 weeks ago, she saw that I was coming to LA from my Facebook page, and kindly offered to host me while I’m in the city. 3 weeks later, and here I am!! Thank you so much, Whitney! ♥

Everyone enjoying the conversations, so much so that the food was hardly touched for some!

The girls sneaking in a shot while Andrew was doing his self-introduction

The lovely readers at the other end of the table. That’s Charmaine on the left, and Karen and Alex on the top right and bottom right respectively! Charmaine and Alex are twins – they migrated from Vietnam to LA 12 years ago. From what I’ve understood from others, there is a thriving Asian community in the west coast, especially San Francisco.

Me and generous Anna. ♥ We came up to be $18 short in our bill when it came to rounding up the checks for the table (probably due to miscalculation in taxes and tips for some guests), and a few of us chipped in $1-2 more, while Anna covered for the remainder. It was incredibly generous of her. Check out her tattoo on her right arm!

Thoughtful Katya (from Russia, who just came to LA 2 years ago), adventurous Amy (from Australia – she’s been traveling the world for the past 4 months, just like me!), and sweet Cynthia (who’s finishing up her final year in UCLA at the moment!)

Me, Gung-ho Andrew (who recently quit his job in corporate finance, and is now running multiple start-ups!) and Anna! ♥

Beautiful Michelle and Kind Whitney!

Sweet Kari ♥, Mindful Edwilk, and me

Warm Karen and Lovely Alex

Me and long-time PE reader, Charmaine. She has been following PE for over 2 years, almost as long as it has been around!

A very thoughtful present from Katya – this is Acai Berry powder, also widely regarded as a Superfood. I believe I’m supposed to mix this in water and drink it. Thank you so much Katya – I shall be having this as a in-between meal drink for the remainder of my travels! ♥

Final group shot with all the attendees. A B-I-G “THANK YOU” to everyone for coming! It means a lot to me that you guys came!

That’s it for the LA meet-up – Highly conscious people, amazing energy and beautiful conversations in a warm and beautiful city. The LA meet-up is the 4th meet-up I’ve organized since my travels 7 months ago, with the first 2 being in London (London Meet-Up #1, London Meet-Up #2), and the third in New York City.

Next up – San Francisco, and potentially my last stop before I return to Singapore. Any readers from San Francisco? Anyone interested in a meet-up there? Let me know in the comments area!

Related Posts

• PE New York City Meet-Up (Dec 31, 2011) – Pictures and Afterthought! :D
• PE London Meet-Up (Aug 21, 2011) – Pictures and Afterthought!
• PE London Meet-Up #2 (Oct 29, 2011) – Pictures and Afterthought!
• In LA, California now!! Anyone Up for a LA Meet-Up?? ;)

Have you ever been molested before? I have, and today’s article is about how to handle molestations.

My Molestation Encounter

Last week, I was on Amtrak (the railway network in US), going from New York City to Los Angeles. It was a 3-day train ride (Jan 5-8), with a transit in Chicago.

Not all the passengers were going from NYC to LA. There were multiple stopovers, where passengers would depart, and new passengers who would get onboard. This meant I was sitting with different people throughout the ride. I was in the coach cabin, with an aisle and 2 seats on each aisle.

On the first night, there was someone seated beside me, so I slept on my seat. While the seat itself was fairly spacious, could recline a fair bit and came with plenty of legroom, it was not as comfortable as sleeping on an actual bed. I made the best out of the space given, curling up in my seat, while the person beside me did the same too.

On the second night, after transiting in Chicago, it turned out there was no one seated beside me for the night. So I occupied both seats and used them as a bed. It was as comfortable as it could get without a bed, so all was good.

On the third night, the seat beside me got taken up again. I thought “Oh well, bummer” and simply prepared myself for another night of less-comfortable sleep.

It would turn out that was the least of my problems, for the person seating beside me turned out to be a disgusting creep who wanted to molest me.

Having My Rights Violated

It first started off benign, where he extended beyond the boundary of his seat, taking up a part of my seat. The cabin seats were separate with a small divider between each seat, so it was quite obvious when the spatial boundary was crossed.

Thinking he was asleep and it was a careless mistake, I squeezed towards the other end of my seat, so there would be a comfortable distance between me and him.

Following my movement, the guy adjusted himself and went back within the spatial boundary of his seat. He even asked me if he had laid on my jacket (he did – his hand had rested on my jacket when he crossed the boundary of his seat), of which I said no, out of courtesy. However, he knew otherwise, because he apologized for it anyway and told me to tell him if it happened again. Everything was good.

But after a few minutes, the same thing happened again. He crossed the line separating his and my seats, and occupied a part of my seat again.

I thought perhaps he needed more space, but it didn’t make sense because he was of normal build (he was not huge nor obese), and the seat definitely provided him with more than enough space, as it did for me.

I felt stifled, but didn’t do/say anything because everyone else was sleeping in the cabin, and I didn’t want to wake anyone up (it was dead quiet).

In reaction to this, I squeezed into the other end of my seat again, so I could keep him at a safe distance.

It was peaceful for 10-15 minutes. The guy laid still the whole time, so I thought he was asleep. “Perhaps it was just an honest mistake on his part”, I thought. I tried to fall asleep.

But all of a sudden, I felt something touching my right thigh – repeatedly. Looking down, imagine my bewilderment when I saw the guy stroking my thigh with his hand – *through* the 2 thick coats separating us! He was using his coat as his blanket, and I was using my coat as my blanket. I couldn’t see his hand since it was under his coat, but it was obvious that (a) it was a deliberate action (b) it was his hand.

I was shocked. The situation was so audacious that I thought it must have been an honest mistake. Here was a guy in his early 20s, who seemed well groomed and well mannered, and in no way looked like a malicious individual, trying to have his way with me. I thought to myself: “Are you kidding me? What made him think he could do this and get away with it?”

Note we were complete strangers to each other, and had not spoken at all prior to this, save for 1-2 word exchanges (“Sure; Thank you; You’re welcome”) where I helped plug in his charger into power socket beside my seat. He boarded the train at about 9pm, just an hour before night time. I was not, in any way, interested in him, and had definitely not done anything which would remotely suggest that.

Not knowing what to do, I laid still to see what was going to happen next. The guy continued stroking my thigh for about 30-45 seconds, after which -hear this- he started to lift *MY* coat, to reach out for my thigh!! (Thank god I was wearing pants!)

At this point, it was *clearly* a deliberate act. In my mind, I thought “What the f***?”. Not wanting to create a commotion but not intending for the offending act to continue, I quickly moved my legs away from his offensive hand.

The guy didn’t relent, however. He persisted with his touching with each shift I made. Each time, he would stroke my thigh for a short while, before trying to lift up my coat with his fingers. This happened at least 5 times, before I finally thought enough was enough. I wasn’t about to spend the night beside this sex pervert – god knows what he would do to me while I was asleep.

So at 1am (2 hours after it first started, at about 11pm), I moved myself to the train lounge, where I slept there – safely – for the night.

Understanding My Resistances

Throughout the encounter, it did not cross my mind to report him to the train attendant. When I questioned myself why, the following answers came up:

• Because I didn’t want to embarrass him for committing such an offensive act.
• Because I felt bad for him (for stooping to such a lowly action) and I didn’t want to make his life worse than it already was. If he was charged with an offence, it may ruin his life.
• Because if I called him out on it, it would attract attention to both of us and create a commotion around us, which I didn’t want to be a part of.
• Because I didn’t want to disturb the other people in the cabin, who were sleeping or trying to sleep.
• Because I felt there was no hard evidence I had against him, other than what I felt/saw, which he could easily disclaim.
• Because maybe I was imagining the whole thing and he wasn’t trying to take advantage of me. (Definitely not true.)
• Because I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to believe he was a decent human being with no ill-intentions.

This wouldn’t be the first time this happened to me too. There have been other times in the past when I was molested, but did not call out on the offender because of the exact same reasons. For example, when I was in university, and some guy molested me by brushing really hard against my hips – and running away after that (I didn’t even get to see his face). When I was on the subway this one time, and this guy tried to touch my breasts while pretending he needed more space. When I was jogging in the park one night a year ago, and this kid molested me by grabbing my butt from behind – twice, and ran away with his friends after that.

Molestation in Our Society Today

“Sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault. The term [...] covers any behavior by any adult towards a child to stimulate either the adult or child sexually” (Wikipedia)

While my encounter was disturbing, I’m sure many girls (and even guys) today have been molested at least once in their life – with far worse encounters than mine.

Do you know that one out of every three women worldwide is physically, sexually or otherwise abused during her lifetime with rates reaching 70 percent in some countries? (Source: Women Thrive) While females tend to be the gender more prone to sexual abuse, I’m sure there are victims among males too, especially kids.

And the thing that’s sadder than this? That like mine, many of these abuse cases don’t get reported. In fact, the offenders usually get away scot-free, because the victims feel too traumatized to pursue the perpetrator. They opt for the quiet route, where they hide the offence and suffer in silence.

There are many types of molestation. From Wikipedia’s page on molestation, below is a list of actions considered sexual abuse (not limited to this):

• Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior (rape and sexual assault).
• Unwanted touching, either of a child or an adult.
• Sexual kissing, fondling, exposure of genitalia, and voyeurism, exhibitionism and up to sexual assault.
• Exposing a child to pornography.
• Saying sexually suggestive statements towards a child (child molestation).
• Also applies to non-consensual verbal sexual demands towards an adult.
• The use of a position of trust to compel otherwise unwanted sexual activity without physical force (or can lead to attempted rape or sexual assault).
• Incest (see also sexual deviancy).
• Certain forms of sexual harassment.

How To Handle Molestation: Helping You to Help Yourself, and to Help Others

After the episode, I thought what I experienced has to be something many girls (and guys) face every day. Being molested, or even abused, but not knowing what to do about it.

Molesting and sexual abuse is not unlike bullying. In fact, it’s worse in some ways, because sexual violation can cause deeper trauma than we may realize. I decided to write this article to help us stand up against these perpetrators, as it is clearly an unacceptable phenomenon.

I now present to you this guide to help you deal with sexual offenders. You will find the resurfacing of some tips from How To Handle Bullying Guide. That’s because molestation is a form of bullying. It’s an abuse of rights, thereby inflicting harm on others. God knows how many girls/guys suffer in silence today about such violations.

It’s time to call out such perpetrators and put a stop to this. Let us commit to each other to follow the steps in this guide the next time we become prey to these offenders. Let us promise to call out these people if we ever witness such violations committed to others.

If you are a parent, please show this to your daughters. If you are a sibling to sisters, please share this with your sisters. If you are a husband or boy/girlfriend, please share this with your wife/girlfriend. If you have female friends, please pass this link on to them. Even if you have sons/brothers/boyfriends/guy friends, please share this with them too, because hey – guys can be victims to sexual perpetrators too.

1. Know your rights

Many sexually abused victims keep quiet because (1) they see the event as shameful, even though they are the victim (2) they feel they have nothing (no evidence) against the offender (3) they don’t want to cause trouble (for others) (4) they don’t want to ruin the offender’s life (5) they feel it’s somehow their fault that this happened.

Unfortunately, this is what the offender preys on – your kindness, your fear, your insecurity, your self-doubt. And that’s why they dare to commit these sexual demeanors, because they know with people like you, they can get away with them.

If you share similar perceptions as I did, here’s a wake up call:

1. Shameful act. There is nothing shameful about being the victim to such offences. The people who should be ashamed are these offenders. They are the ones inflicting pain on others. You are merely someone who happened to be caught in the crossfire.
2. Lack of evidence. It can be hard to find evidence in molestation cases, because it’s about one person’s testimony over another’s. Rather than wait till you have concrete evidence (which may be never), report it already. You don’t have to wait for evidence to report a crime. The fact that you feel uncomfortable means there is already an issue. No one should make you feel uncomfortable under any circumstance.
3. Not wanting to cause trouble. You’re not causing any trouble for others. Think about this way – Say you’re in the public, and someone calls you for help to handle a molestor. Will you think he/she is causing you trouble? Will you ask him/her to go away because he/she is being disruptive to public order? I didn’t think so either. Likewise, you aren’t causing trouble to others as well. You’re helping the public by calling out sex offenders.
4. Not wanting to ruin the person’s life. Sorry to say, but the offender should have thought of this before he/she did whatever he/she did. So yes in that his/her future is probably tarnished on some level, but he/she should have seen it coming when he/she made the decision to harrass you – despite knowing it is against the law. It’s now your turn to make your decision and protect yourself and the society (see next point) from such people.
5. Thinking it’s your fault. How is it your fault if someone wants to sexually violate you? That’s crazy talk. It is not your fault. It is the result of the workings of a sexually twisted individual. Stop blaming yourself for that which has nothing to do with you.

2. Recognize your responsibility to future (potential) victims

Beyond standing up for yourself, recognize YOU have a responsibility to others to call out this offender on his/her offence and put him in his/her place.

While you may be molested by this person as an one-off encounter, the problem extends beyond that. Molestation isn’t just between you and the molester. It’s between the offender and the society at large. You have an obligation to the society to put him/her in place, as part of keeping the world a safer place for others.

By letting the perpetrator go scot-free, there may well be many more victims after you. Many sex offenders start off with a small, petty offence. The molester will think that it’s okay for him/her to do this, that he/she can get away with whatever he/she is doing, and molest more people after you. Not only that, he/she may become bolder the next time with his/her actions – well leading to sexual harrassment, sexual assault, or perhaps even rape.

Don’t make yourself responsible for the cultivation of a serial sexual predator in the society. Report him/her right away.

3. Take immediate action

If you feel you’re being molested, take action right away. Don’t wait until the person does something else, because that might be one step too late. Contact the authorities (#4), ask someone for help (#5), relocate yourself (#6), use your self-defense weapons (#7).

4. Seek the help of an authority

Who are the immediate authorities you can contact? Seek their help. If you’re on the train, call the train attendants. If you’re on the flight, call for the air steward/stewardess. If you’re on the bus, get the bus driver. If you’re in school, inform the teachers, principal and counselors. All other places – call the police. Always have the contact of the local police department saved in your phone.

When contacting the authority, let him/her know that the person molested / tried to molest you. Detail the situation clearly, from start to end. Do not let the molester intimidate you; Do not let him/her speak over you too. Remember, this is your right (see #1).

5. Seek the help of someone near you

Traveling has helped me discover a lot of good samaritans in our world today. While some people may be caught up in themselves, and some people may well refuse to step in even when you need their help, there are people who will gladly render assistance when you need it.

Seek the help of someone near you. Say: “Excuse me, can you help me please? I’m being sexually harassed by someone.” Most people will intervene at this point and help you out. If the person doesn’t want to help for whatever reason, don’t panic. Approach someone else till you find one.

How the person can help depends on the situation itself, but it can range from contacting the authorities on your behalf, intercepting the molester in his/her actions, keeping the molester in his/her place until the authorities arrive, etc.

6. Relocate yourself

Right when you feel something is amiss, protect yourself right away by relocating yourself and keeping a safe distance between you and the person.

In my situation, I relocated to the lounge, so the molester could not reach me. Not the best solution because I paid for my train ticket and should not have to move in the first place, but it was better than staying there and risking being touched. In retrospect I should have called out the offender as part of my responsibility to others (see #2), but it’s now over, so it’ll have to be something I’ll do the next time (should there be a next time).

Staying put is equivalent to telling the offender that (1) you are okay with what he/she is doing, and that he/she should continue his/her action OR (2) he/she can continue what he/she is doing, since you are not resisting. Either way, it results in continuation of the offensive act. This is definitely NOT what you want.

If you are on the bus/train/plane, go for the aisle seat, which allows you to get away immediately in times of need. Going for the window seat means you get locked in. Believe it or not, I was actually in the window seat during the molestation encounter. It may well have been a coincidence (i.e. I’m not sure if the offender tried to touch me because I was at the window seat – I do not think so), but the fact was it would have been easier for me to escape if I was sitting in the aisle seat).

7. Use self-defense weapons

As per Tip #9 of How To Handle Bullying, I recommend getting self-defense weapons, only because we are dealing with people of extreme low consciousness who have no concept of personal space and individual rights. Use it in cases where you feel you’re in danger.

A standard will be to arm yourself with a machine gun pepper spray. Spraying it in the person’s face will disarm him/her immediately and give you an opening to escape. From Wikipedia:

Pepper spray is an inflammatory agent. It causes immediate closing of the eyes, difficulty breathing, runny nose, and coughing. The duration of its effects depends on the strength of the spray but the average full effect lasts around thirty to forty-five minutes, with diminished effects lasting for hours.

Here’s how pepper sprays look like:

You can get them pretty cheaply at Amazon (within certain states in US*):

1. Compact Pepper Spray with Key Ring ($7.25 USD) – 25 shots, can be used as key chain
2. Jogger Pepper Spray with Hand Strap ($8.50 USD) – 35 shots, can be strapped on hand for walking/jogging

*Just in case some readers are not aware, pepper sprays are illegal in DC, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, New York or Wisconsin. It’s also stated on the Amazon page that it cannot be shipped to those places.

8. Take preventive actions

Prevention is always better than cure. Here are some tips to follow to prevent being caught in such situations:

• Watch your dressing. It’s okay to dress up if you want, but always have a jacket to cover yourself up. If you’re commuting across quiet, dangerous places, tone down your dressing. Show less skin and go for dull, darker colors. There’s no need to attract attention to yourself.
• Avoid quiet, danger-prone areas. Whether you are going out or going jogging, avoid dark areas, quiet parks,  dark alleys, short cuts that no one takes, etc – regardless of how safe you think it may be. You never know if there is anyone laying in ambush there.
• Get home before it’s too late. What’s “too late” is dependent on the neighborhood you live. You should get back before the roads and walkways quieten down for the day. Otherwise, have someone escort you home.
• Travel in the company of others. If you’re traveling, it’s best to do so with others, ideally groups.
• Let others know of your whereabouts. If traveling with others is not an option (like in my case), then always let someone know your whereabouts. Make new friends/acquaintances in the region, and keep them updated on where you are going / where you will be. This way, they can watch out for you.

Do you have any encounters with molestation or sexual abuse? Do you have any advice on dealing with sexual predators? Please share them below.

Remember that this is a safe place for us to discuss this openly without judgment or condemnation by anyone. I’ll personally step in and delete / block inappropriate comments made by anyone.

Images: Girl, Girl #2, Girl #3, Police, Pepper Sprays 

Related Posts

• How To Handle Bullying: An Important Guide
• How To Deal With Rude People – Co-Workers, Associates, Customers, Managers, etc
• How To Deal With Rude People – Part 2
• How To Deal With Rude People – Part 3

(Click image for larger version)

Source article: How To Be Happy: 10 Timeless Principles for Lasting Happiness

Make sure to put this up on your work desk as a daily reminder!

Feel free to like/share this on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc if you find it useful. Convenient share buttons can be found below this post.

Related Posts

• How To Be Happy: 10 Timeless Principles for Lasting Happiness
• Apply 80/20 to Your Life Now in 3 Simple Steps
• How I Moved On From A Heartbreak – Part 3: Forgiveness, Closure and Moving On
• How To Stop Emotional Eating, A Crucial Guide, Part 1: Tackling the Causes of Emotional Eating

Quick announcement: Our LA meet-up for PE readers is ON, and it’ll be this Saturday, Jan 14, 1:30pm at Sage Organic Vegan Bistro! We’re expecting a big turnout for the meet-up this time (16 people so far)!

For those of you in west coast / Los Angeles, I want to meet you! Please RSVP right away if you can make it. If you RSVPed but can’t come for some reason, please let me know right away so I can plan accordingly. Look forward to seeing you guys very soon!

Are you happy? How happy would you say you are, on a scale of 1-10?

Our society today is entrenched in low levels of consciousness of fear, desire and pride. Despite the increasing affluence of people in our world, it seems people are more and more unhappy today. From unhappiness with work, unhappiness with their life, unhappiness with the world, unhappiness with themselves. If you think that the people around you seem quite unhappy, let me tell you that this is a common issue everywhere in the world – be it countries/cities I’ve been to in Asia, in Europe, or in America.

In light of this epidemic, I’ve created a guide on how to be happy. The mark of a good life is one that is filled with happiness. If you’re not happy at all, then what’s the point of doing any of this to begin with?

I see this as a timeless guide, with 10 of my universal, timeless principles to achieve happiness. May you find these 10 principles useful in your quest for happiness. Know that at the end of the day, happiness comes from within, not from outside. This is why the guide focuses on intrinsic, permanent steps to achieve happiness, rather than extrinsic, surface-level tips which only have a temporal effect (such as listening to music, going shopping, etc).

Here goes.

#1. Attend to Negative Emotions / Thoughts; Don’t Repress them

Many of us in the modern society today do not know how to properly deal with our emotions. Just look at what most of us do when we are unhappy/angry/upset/stressed/fearful. We either (a) sleep it away (b) eat it away (emotional eating) (c) drink it away (alcoholism) (d) smoke it away (e) bury ourselves with other things, usually work and/or (f) ignore those emotions altogether.

So what happens when we do not deal with our negative emotions appropriately? Our emotions / thoughts are unaddressed and get repressed. It may look like the unhappy emotions / thoughts are gone the next day, but no, they are never gone – they are just buried beneath the surface.

It’s a matter of time before they re-emerge in the future – usually when we face a situation that triggers latent memories. During which we can either respond via avoidance again, hence repeating the cycle all over again, or by dealing it the right away this time. To do the former is to live an unconscious life, no different than a sleepwalker. To do the latter is to take the path of courage and start living consciously.

How should we deal with unhappy emotions / thoughts then?

1. First, unload your mind, especially if the incident just occurred and you’re faced with a big influx of negative emotions. I find the brain dumping exercise very helpful for this purpose. Meditation also helps in calming your mind. It’s okay to use destressing methods like playing games, taking a break, taking a walk, venting, listening to music, etc – as long as you return to the issue at hand after you are done destressing.
2. Identify your source of unhappiness via asking yourself: “What’s making me feel unhappy?“. The answers can be very revealing. If you’re someone who has never questioned your emotions/unhappiness before, this will point you in the right direction, because rather than take your emotions as they are, you’re now making an effort to understand them. If you are a conscious individual, with high awareness of your emotions, this will bring you a step further.
3. Create a list of steps that will help you address the source of your unhappiness above. See next step.

#2. Take Action on What’s Making You Unhappy

I’d say I’m by and large quite a happy person. It’s not because I don’t feel unhappy emotions. Like everyone, there are times when I’m unhappy. There are times when I’m angry too. And there are times when I can be downright miserable.

What do I do during these times? Do I let myself sink in the negative emotion? No, I don’t. That’s pointless and a waste of my mental energy.

What I do is this – Whenever there is something making me unhappy, I fix the issue right away, in a 3-step approach. Firstly, I identify the issue at hand. Secondly, I locate the action steps that will resolve it. Then, I execute those steps immediately.

A simple example : I was recently in New York City (Nov-Dec ’11), as part of my US travel. While NYC is terrific and I love the city, its winter climate is too cold for me, since I grew up in a tropical country (Singapore). It got so cold that I would much rather stay in than go out. It was quite miserable.

Rather than let the situation perpetuate though, I checked the weather in west coast, and realized the southern west coast has a much conducive climate for me. So during Jan ’12, I traveled on to Los Angeles, California, where it is much warmer. Problem solved, and I became a much happier person.

There have been many other situations where I wasn’t happy and took action to address them:

• Quitting my previous job because it was not my passion
• Parting ways with my best friend because our friendship was no longer making us happy
• Working on my relationship with my parents because it wasn’t where I wanted it to be
• Working doubly hard on growing Personal Excellence (thereafter reaching 1 million pageviews a month) because it wasn’t growing as fast as I wanted it to
• Addressing my emotional eating issue because it was causing me so much anguish, both in life and in terms of staying true to my weight loss plan.

Likewise, if something is bothering you, fix it. Don’t let your unhappiness linger, because your happiness should be your #1 priority. Below are some tips:

1. Fix the issue right away. No point waiting. The longer you wait, the more unhappy you are.
2. Focus on what you can effect, not what you can’t effect. This includes (a) things in the present (b) your thoughts and actions. Not (a) things in the past or things that have yet to take place yet or (b) thoughts and actions of other people.
3. Remember that every problem has a solution. You are only limited by the confines of your mind. It’s up to you to expand your frame of thought and find the best-fit solution.
4. Once you have done everything within your control, let go and let things run their course. You have already done what you can. Now it’s up to the others and the universe to do what they must.

#3. Update Your Belief System

If the problem still persists despite having done what I can to fix it, or if the source of the unhappiness is irreversible (for example, death of a person or changing the past) or something out of your span of control (such as other people’s thoughts or actions), then it’s a cue that something is wrong with my framework of thought.

For example, in How I Moved On From a Heartbreak series I wrote back in 2010, I shared G’s non-reciprocation of my feelings for him left me broken up on the inside. I had subconsciously concluded from his non-reciprocation that something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough, and that I was doomed not to meet anyone else in the future.

However, I later found out my unhappiness was misplaced, as I elaborated in Part 3: Forgiveness, Closure and Moving On. The conclusions I had made were not true. I had wrongly defined my worth based on whether he wanted to be with me or not, when my worth was independent of this event. I had also wrongly concluded I wasn’t able to meet anyone else, when all it meant was he just wasn’t the right guy for me. Realizing the falsehoods behind the beliefs naturally removed the unhappiness.

The best beliefs to have are the ones that empower you. If there is something that’s making you unhappy, there is no point holding on to the thought, because you are just making your life miserable. This doesn’t serve you, nor the others around you. It calls for an internal reflection and an updating of your belief system, where you dissolve disempowering beliefs and adopt empowering ones. Be sure to read:

• Ask Celes – Is It Possible To Let Go of Unhappy Past Forever?
• Day 25: Your Beliefs of Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program
• 30BBM Day 26 – Letting Go

#4. See the Positive vs. Negative Side of Things

Have you ever heard the phrase: “Behind every dark cloud is a silver lining?”. What it means is, no matter how dire a situation may seem, there is always a positive side.

For example, below is a list of things most of us would regard as negative, especially if they occur to us.

• Arriving late for a meeting
• Slipping on weight loss plan
• Failing a job interview
• Getting laid off
• Breaking up with partner
• Facing a difficult situation

What if I were to tell you there is a positive side to every single one of the situations above?

Situation typically seen as negative occurrence -> Positive side(s) of the situation

• Arriving late for a meeting -> (1) You now know the boundaries to stick to if you want to be punctual (2) You learned the importance of being punctual, albeit via the hard way.
• Slipping on weight loss plan -> You are now aware of a new pitfall of your weight loss plan, which means one step closer towards your goal.
• Failing a job interview -> (1) Troubleshooting the interview will help you learn things to avoid in your next interview (2) What you learned from this encounter may well help you secure a better job after this.
• Getting laid off -> (1) Free time to reflect over what you want to do in life (2) You can now embark on new opportunities – From working in new companies, to taking on new roles, to exploring new career paths, to possibly starting your business
• Breaking up with partner -> (1) Being relieved of a relationship which was not working out. It takes 2 hands to clap. If your partner was not happy in the relationship, you could not have been much happier yourself. (2) You now get to meet new people, and possibly meet someone who is a much better match than your ex.
• Facing a difficult situation -> (1) Dealing with this will help you develop strength and wisdom (2) You get to learn and grow much more than those who have never dealt with this before.

Some people may comment that I’m being overly optimistic with what I wrote above. But I’m not. What I wrote above is fact, not fiction. I know of multiple people who have failed job interviews with good companies, only to secure jobs with the companies of their dreams after that. I know of many people who had painful break ups, only to enter the relationship of their dreams after that. I myself have been in multiple difficult situations before, which helped me gain tremendously (in strength and wisdom) as a result.

Everything in life has a positive side to it. Once you realize that, it is up to you to identify the silver lining and expand on it. After you do it for a few times, you’ll realize that the entire situation has been the silver lining all along.

Here are some tips to spot the good things in each situation:

1. Recognize there is always something good to be gained from each situation. It’s up to you find that.
2. What experiences have you gained from this incident? Everything you experienced, both good and bad, would not have taken place if not for this encounter.
3. What lessons have you learned? You would never have gained these lessons if not for this encounter.
4. What does not kill you will make you stronger. What soft skills and hard skills have you developed from this?
5. Every problem comes with its set of opportunities. What opportunities lie before you now as a result of this problem?

#5. Let Go of Expectations (and Focus on Intentions)

Focus on your intentions, not narrow definitions of your intentions. I found a lot of things that made me unhappy in the past was because I had very specific, narrow definitions of how things should be. And when I focused on my intentions vs. specific definitions of how they should manifest, it made me a lot happier. The most important thing – what I wanted would then come true after that, and in spades.

For example, I used to narrowly define my ideal family relationship as one where there is open communication. However, the relationship between me and my parents (since young) was one where there was little to non-existent communication. No matter what I did, I could not attain my desired relationship, as I shared in Part 2: A Pervasive, Widening Gap. Not only did this make me miserable, it also made my parents unhappy, because I would constantly resist what they did, since I thought they didn’t care.

It was only after a long, drawn out struggle that I realized I had approached the situation wrongly. What I really wanted was a loving relationship with my parents, and I thought open communication was the way to go. But the ironic thing was that my parents had been trying to express their love for me all this while, albeit in their special way. I was just not able to see it because I was so hung up on this one expression of love.

Attaching myself to my higher intention for a better relationship with my parents, vs. my specific definition of what an ideal parent-child relationship should be, helped me to attain a better relationship with them. I no longer resist my parents’ lack of openness since that is just the way they are. My non-resistance also made them more ready to express their love for me.

Realize that: (1) every goal we have reflects an intention we want to manifest (2) there are countless ways this intention can be manifested.

Hence, do not get hung up over the 1 definition of your goal. Continue to have goals and to pursue your goals, but stick to your higher intentions, not set definitions of how you want those goals to manifest. Once you do this, you will realize that you now make faster progress than ever, and it was your narrow definitions that had prevented you from moving forward initially.

#6. Be Grateful For What You Have

Do you know that no matter where you are right now in life, there are always people who are worse off than you? And no matter how bad things may seem, things can always go much worse?

For example, someone who complains about having a small house should look at the homeless man on the street, who has no home to speak of, no place to seek refuge even in the cold winter. Someone who complains about having just lost his/her job should talk to the guy who just lost his limb from a car accident. Someone who complains about his/her parents being naggy should speak to a recently orphaned child, who has no parents to speak of.

So, take stock and be grateful for the things you do have. Be grateful you’re not dealing with worse situations. Be grateful you are alive. Be grateful for your senses. Be grateful for the people in your life. Be grateful for the air you get to breathe every day. Be grateful for the problems you get to face.

Even if you may think you have nothing, you are very much wrong, for you will always have you and your higher self.

Read:

1. How To Start When You Have Nothing
2. 60 Things to be Grateful For in Life (bonus article in Personal Excellence Book, Volume 2)
3. Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program, Day 15 – A Day of Gratitude
4. Be a Better Me in 30 Days Challenge, Day 11 - Day of Virtue: Appreciation

#7. Think of Your Ideals vs. Problems

Most of us tend to turn our energy to our problems. However, such an approach puts attention on the negative and reminds us of things we don’t want, which breeds more negativity. Not exactly an effective path towards happiness.

Here’s a better way – Rather than wear yourself out with liabilities, think in terms of ideals instead. Always ask yourself: “What is my ideal vision?” (Day 2 of Live a Better Life in 30 Days).

This is my favorite question which I always pose to anyone who seems bogged down by his/her problems. And it never fails to light a spark in the person’s eyes, after which he/she begins talking excitedly about what he/she wants, not seemingly able to stop.

There are 3 important benefits of focusing on ideals vs. liabilities. Firstly, it gets you thinking of possibilities rather than limitations. Secondly, helps you to get clarity of what you want, which makes it easier to achieve your 100%, ideal life.  Thirdly, by thinking of your ideal vision, it puts you in a positive mental state, which, by default, already makes it easier to address any challenges in your way.

That’s not to say that you ignore your liabilities and pretend they don’t exist. It means you don’t let them tie you down anymore, but remain mindful of them

For example, if you have a $100k debt to clear, don’t focus on that – be aware of the debt, but focus on wealth-generation opportunities. If you are working in a job you don’t like, focus on the ideal career you do want, and how you can create that. If you just lost your job, focus on the new jobs you can now pursue. If you are surrounded by negative people, focus on the positive, new people you are going to meet. If you are single and constantly getting into bad relationships, focus on your ideal relationship you would like to have, and the qualities you would like your ideal partner to have.

#8. Live a Purposeful Life

Living a purposeful life, one where you have an empowering life purpose and noteworthy goals, paves the way for a happy life.

Have you established your life purpose? If not, perhaps now is the time to do so. I’ve written a lot on this subject, which I recommend you to read:

• Are You Sleepwalking Your Life Away?
• How To Discover Your Real Life Purpose (7-part series)
• How To Know What You Want To Do In Life
• Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program, Day 16: Life Purpose

As you define your life purpose, you want to set life goals, because they bring out your highest potential. Read the following on goal setting:

• 6 Important Reasons Why You Should Set Goals
• ESPER: 5-Step Successful Goal Achievement Framework (7-part series)

#9. Recognize happiness is a choice

One of the most stressful points in my life was back when I was in my previous job.

At that time, I was denied of bigger projects by my manager even though I had delivered my work without fail and was exceeding expectations. It had nothing to do with my performance, but simply my (lack of) seniority in the company. I felt unfairly boxed in by my position, and was extremely frustrated. What was the point of staying on if I wasn’t allowed to grow? I was unhappy with my manager, with the situation, and with my life. Repression was the word of the day.

It was during this darkest period, as I cried to myself while I was showering, that I realized that no matter how painful the situation may be, I always had a say in the matter. I could either lament about the sorry state of my life, or I could make the best out of what I was given. I could either struggle in this pain, or I could tap into it and forge it into strength. I could either see this as a liability, or turn it into an opportunity. I could either be unhappy and miserable, or I could be the happiest person in the world.

So I chose the latter. And since then, whenever I’m caught in a situation which makes me feel unhappy in any way, I would go for the latter. I know no matter what happens, no one can rob me of my happiness. My happiness is my choice

The same goes for you too. Are you caught in a situation outside of your control? Are you letting it affect your feelings? Are you going to let it drag you down, or are you going to smile and turn it into gold?

Read: You Always Have a Choice

#10. Don’t think “What if”, but “Next time”

You know how many of us like to go “what if” whenever things don’t go our way? “What if I had done this instead?” “What if I had done that instead?” “What if … this? “What if … that?”

Well, who cares? And what does it matter? No amount of “what if“s is going to change the reality.

On the other hand, what will help is this: “What can I do such that this doesn’t happen next time?” This will help you learn from what has happened, so you can make things different – be it preventing the same problem from happening, or taking a different course of action so you create a different outcome.

So instead of thinking “what if“, start thinking “next time“. The former is entrenched in the past, while the latter is forward-thinking. The former is disempowering, while the latter is empowering. It will make a world of a difference.

Concluding Note

I hope you found this guide useful. Please share it with others if you found it helpful. Let’s spread the art of happiness to as many people as we can.

Here is a related article worth reading: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way. This one teaches you how to deal with the daily setbacks in life.

This guide has covered my 10 universal, timeless principles for happiness. Now, do you have your specific tips to be happy? Please share them.

Related Posts

• [Pic] The Happiness Manifesto
• Apply 80/20 to Your Life Now in 3 Simple Steps
• How I Moved On From A Heartbreak – Part 3: Forgiveness, Closure and Moving On
• How To Stop Emotional Eating, A Crucial Guide, Part 1: Tackling the Causes of Emotional Eating